Month: December 2014

Laura Amaretti Cookies

12 Days of Survivor Christmas

Ok, I have a confession to make. Ben and I only reconnected with Laura Morett to try and draw Ciera Eastin into our inner circle. Unfortunately Ciera was too busy trying to distance herself  from Blood vs Water 2’s seemingly villainous heathen Baylor Wilson, to whom she had been  compared.

While we would have been great PR for you Ciera, we understand. And Baylor – call us. We’re here for you.

Amaretti 1

Despite this cunning plot, Laura and I go way back. She was recruited to whip Ben and I back into shape after our failed attempt to join the cast of the Biggest Loser (*almost* making it onto a show for which you prepared by eating a minimum of five parmigianas per day is devastating, trust me).

We whiled away the day chatting about Sarah Palin, Shambo and other topics of significant mutual interest which enjoying a delicious amaretti biscuit or two. Laura was stern with the upper limit of two cookies per person, which was harsh but necessary – with Jill gone again  and Bob banished to crappy loser canyon, what incentive is there to power-eat our way back into Biggest Loser contention?

Despite Laura’s portion control, these biscuits are extremely easy to eat – particularly when warm. The dense, chewy almond filling heartily flips the bird to it’s somewhat posher cousin, the macaron. Plus, they are a breeze to whip up!

photo 3

Laura Amaretti Cookies
Makes 20 cookies

Ingredients
180g almond meal
50g plain flour, sifted
3/4 cup caster sugar
2 egg whites
1 vanilla bean, seeds scraped
20 almonds

Directions
Preheat oven to 170 degrees celcius. In large bowl, mix together all ingredients except whole almonds gently until a uniform dough comes together.

Line a large baking tray with non-stick paper. Roll tablespoons of mixture into balls and space evenly on the tray. Press down gently on each dough ball with an almond.

Bake 15-20 minutes, or until golden and set.

Sugar Kiper Cookies

12 Days of Survivor Christmas

Our first festive friend to visit was Survivor: Gabon and Heroes vs. Villains alum, Sugar Kiper.

We first connected with Sugar during her time playing Rory’s foil/Jess’s girlfriend on one of the greatest show of all time, Gilmore Girls.

Annelie and I were working as gophers on the set, whilst trying to break into the writing staff with our glorious missing triplets storyline (Lorelai had actually given birth to triplets and gave two up for adoption, who would have been played to perfection by Annelie and I, and forgot we existed following a bout of medically inaccurate postpartum amnesia).

While Ames and Loz both passed on the idea (apparently it was too soapy and our auditions too hammy), Sugar was a big fan and we became fast friends and have stuck together during her stints on Survivor, our stints in jail and our joint stint appearing on season five of Celebrity Rehab with Dr Drew.

Sugar was briefly in town on a secret mission (hopefully auditioning us for Survivor: Blood vs. Water 3, Annelie and Ben destroy each other), but was able to stop by for an afternoon of baking Sugar Kiper Cookies and sharing coffees.

 

Sugar Kiper Cookies 1

 

Fresh out of the oven, the slightly tinkered with Martha Stewart cookies were a festive delight. That was until someone (*cough* Annelie) suggested we snort the Royal Icing and the neighbours called the police for disorderly behaviour.

It wouldn’t be Christmas without a noise complaint, I guess. Enjoy!

 

Sugar Kiper Cookies 2

 

Sugar Kiper Cookies
Makes 20-30 cookies, cutter dependent

Ingredients
2 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for rolling
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
115 grams unsalted butter, room temperature
1 cup raw caster sugar
1 large egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon cinnamon
Royal Icing, lollies, edible glitter and anything else you would want to make them festive as fuck

Directions
In large bowl, whisk flour, baking powder, cinnamon and salt. With an electric mixer, cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in egg and vanilla. With mixer on low, gradually add flour mixture and beat until combined. Divide dough in half; flatten into disks. Wrap each in plastic and freeze until firm (about 20 minutes).

Preheat oven to 160 degrees. Line baking sheets with baking paper. Remove one dough disk to stand for 5-10 minutes. Roll out 1/2 centimetre thick, dusting dough with flour as needed. Cut shapes with cookie cutters. Using a spatula, transfer to prepared baking sheets. Re-roll scraps, cut shapes. Repeat with remaining dough.

Bake, rotating halfway through, until edges are golden, 10-15 minutes (depending on size). Cool completely on wire racks. Decorate as desired.

12 Days of Survivor Christmas

12 Days of Survivor Christmas, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

We make no secret about our love for Survivor/Jeff Probst and wish that the world would embrace Buffs as appropriate attire for all occasions, so that we can rock out our Villains Buffs to formal events.

Anyway, in our attempts to bed Probst and get on the show (in whichever order) we have ingratiated ourselves heavily in the Survivor community. Some castaways, like Penner and Sugar, we have known for sometime but others we have met by breaking into their homes and watching them sleep/tickling their feet (sorry Aras, thanks for not pressing charges).

Against all odds, or maybe because they are slightly-scared, we have become best friends with a large section of the castaway community and as such, like to spend our Christmases catching-up with them.

In honour of our intimate relationships, we decided to dedicate the blog to the Twelve Days of Survivor Christmas…as you know, we’ll be catching-up with them anyway.

What says deck our halls with your boughs of holly, Probsty?

Picture source: Today.com

Stephen Fried Chicken

Main

It is hard to maintain friendships with people that were a) deported to the other side of the planet and b) can be skittish at the best of times. That is unless you are Stephen Fry.

In our years of criminal exile back to our less glamourous lives in Australia, Stephie has always made sure he was checking in on us and making sure we knew that he is always there for us. It isn’t overstating it to say that Stephen Fry is a saint.

He is also a terrible liar.

He dropped by for lunch and gushed about how beautiful Brisbane was at this time of year. For such a great actor, I’m not sure why he struggles with lying? To celebrate the heat of summer and the wild storms we have been experiencing recently, we made our famous Stephen Fried Chicken to eat while we caught up.

 

Stephen Fried Chicken

 

The buttermilk marinade ensures that the chicken stays tender, while the polenta ensures that the crumb creates a fake skin that is crunchy and delicious. Oh, and the spice mix is like a dry version of Buffalo Chicken with the perfect balance of heat and sweet.

Serve with mash or fries or as a snack with blue cheese sauce or natural yoghurt…or better yet, with a generous helping of Benjamin Slaw.

Enjoy!

 

Stephen Fried Chicken

 

Stephen Fried Chicken
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
4 free range, skinless chicken breasts
vegetable oil for deep frying

Buttermilk Marinade
200ml buttermilk
10ml tabasco
15ml maple syrup
5g salt

Chicken Seasoning
15g smoked paprika
15g sweet paprika
10g celery seed
10g cayenne powder
10g table salt
5g ground cinnamon
5g ground white pepper
5g ground black pepper

Seasoned Flour
225g plain flour
25g polenta/corn meal
50g chicken seasoning

Method
Slice chicken in to large “tenders” as desired.

Combine all ingredients in buttermilk marinade and stir to dissolve salt. Pour over chicken. Gently massage to cover all surfaces of chicken.

Cover and leave in fridge for 12-24 hours…aka a decent enough time for the buttermilk to tenderise the meat.

Remove the chicken from the fridge and leave covered for 30 minutes.

Preheat oven to 160 degrees celsius and vegetable oil in a deep pot on the stove.

Combine flour, polenta and chicken seasoning in a large flat baking tray. Place the chicken pieces into flour. Coat well and cover all surfaces with the flour. Gently shake the excess flour off the chicken, careful not to lose the crust (this will become the healthier fake skin).

Carefully place the chicken in the oil a few pieces at a time, taking care not to splash the burning hot oil. Cook for 8-10 minutes, or until the “skin” has formed and is a deep golden brown. Remove from hot oil with a perforated spoon or ladle. Place onto a roasting rack in a baking dish and place into the pre heated oven.

Repeat the frying steps with the chicken until all cooked.

Remove the chicken from the oven and season liberally with the remaining chicken seasoning.

A Wilde week ahead

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

I think we are at the point where we need to stop being shocked that our celebrity friends want to catch-up with us; this is now a thing and you will get to hear about our fantastic, high-flying lives as celebrity-bloggers/famous friends/founders of esteemed dance troupe Jazz in Your Face.

Stephen gave us a buzz over the weekend hoping to catch-up while on a quick winter jaunt down to the stifling heat of Brisbane to see if it was as ugly as Alain de Botton said (it kind of is, but he can decide for himself) and reconnect with his old friends.

Annelie and I have known Stephen for many years, after getting a job hanging clothes in the QI wardrobe department after we were run out of Hollywood for our varied crimes and misdemeanours. After sabotaging the QI stylist, we were promoted to the role and became confidantes to Stephen however we lost contact after our deportation following arrests for storming the set of Harry Potter and demanding roles.

What says sorry that you got stuck with a sub-par stylist on QI when we disappeared without a trace following our clandestine deportation?

Picture source: Stephen Fry.com.

Benjamin Slaw

Side

It is always great to catch up with Ben and even better to watch the awkward way in which non-published Ben fawns all over him. Thankfully Law is well natured enough to ignore it. Maybe he is just grateful Ben isn’t demanding to sit on his knee like when Luke visits?

Ben was in town visiting family but dropped by for a catch-up, that in retrospect I think may have actually been a welfare check. Since moving to Sydney, we haven’t seen as much of Ben with our resurgent fame keeping us busy and Ben, you know, having work to do on account of having actual talent.

To keep him on schedule for his obligations, we threw together a Benjamin Slaw as we quickly discussed our upcoming stint on Home & Away (his childhood dream), whether Germaine Greer has forgiven our feud (don’t ask and no she hasn’t) and his upcoming book (we aren’t allowed to discuss, but it will be glorious).

 

Benjamin Slaw 1

 

There is no improving on perfection, so we gracefully bowed down to the Goddess Nigella and used her New Orleans Coleslaw for the Benjamin Slaw. Ben obviously lied to Ben and told him that he had invented the recipe…but don’t tell him.

Enjoy, he did…even with the side of lies!

 

Benjamin Slaw 2

 

Benjamin Slaw (aka Nigella’s New Orleans Coleslaw)
Serves 6

Ingredients
1 white cabbage, about 1kg before trimming
2 carrots
2 sticks celery
4 spring onions
200 grams mayonnaise
4 tablespoons buttermilk
2 tablespoons maple syrup
2 teaspoons cider vinegar
100 grams pecan nuts, finely chopped
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Trim and shred the cabbage, either by hand or with a food processor.

Peel and grate the carrots, and finely slice the celery and spring onions.

Whisk together the mayonnaise, buttermilk, maple syrup and vinegar and coat the shredded vegetables with this dressing.

Season, and toss through the chopped nuts.

All Our Friends Are Coming to Brisbane

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

For two antisocial people, our phones sure do seem to ring off the hook!

Benjamin Law gave us a call over the weekend to drop by for lunch while he is in town seeing family…or something. We are both antisocial and have terrible attention spans.

Ben and I first met Benjamin (who for the sake of confusion we will refer to as Ben) at different times, but because of the same series of events. You see, Ben sees Ben as a literary hero and developed the belief that by laying his head where Ben lays his head, he would absorb some greatness.

Ben came home from work one day to find Ben in his bed, madly rubbing his head into his pillow chanting “make me write goooo-ooood” like he was our close friend Halle Berry in Monster’s Ball.

(Side note: It didn’t work, clearly).

Ben being kind, generous and filled with pity called the first unlucky person in Ben’s phone (me), instead of alerting the police.

What says thanks for not alerting the police to our criminal attempts to absorb your greatness and politely returning all of our calls when Ben wanted to “catch-up” until he (evidently) Stockholm syndrome-d you into friendship?

Picture source: @mrbenjaminlaw/Twitter.