Mark Herlaar

Marknana “Tarte Tarzan” Herlaar

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: All Stars, Baking, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor, soon-to-be two-time runner-up Sharn and her allies Moana, Tarzan and David were still, sadly, controlling the game. This left A.K. and Brooke on the outs with essentially no options. After Brooke secured yet another immunity win, she essentially sealed poor A.K.’s fate. As such, he searched high and low for an idol and when Moana refused to stop tailing him, he decided to literally empty out the entire water well like a damn icon. At tribal council, Jonathan unveiled yet another twist where the person that felt likely to be voted out was able to raise their hand for a chance to battle with fire instead of reading the votes. As such, A.K. raised his hand while he and Brooke forced everyone to agree to making Moana his challenger. Sadly for them, Moana dominated, sending A.K. from the game and leaving Brooke all on her lonesome.

The next day Sharn was boring the hell out of everyone, discussing how to do her hair and giddily dancing around to celebrate making it to the final five again. Mainly shocked that nobody had even attempted to take her out, and as such, now she could turn her attention to figuring out who to face off against in the end. She then creepily stumbled upon David doing a weird breathing exercise, interrupting his meditation and floating the idea of going to the end together. You know, because it is All Stars and it would be an All Star move to face off against an All Star player in the All Star final tribal council. And lol, remember when I was heartbroken by the thought of Sharn losing twice? Now it is the only thing keeping me going through the corona-crisis.

But seriously.

They rejoined the rest of the tribe to celebrate making it as far as they have, with Sharn staring lovingly at David before Tarzan praised himself for being viewed as one of the greatest players ever. Again, lol. He then told a boring story about the beginning of each of his alliances which honestly were ‘we spoke to each other’, ‘I love David’ and ‘Sharn knows things’. Either this is bland filler before Brooke exits, or I am depressed. Probably both. Speaking of Brooke, Tarzan gently reminded us of the importance of Brooke losing immunity which is the only thing actually keeping the audience going at this point. To try and guarantee he isn’t the one that goes should Brooke win immunity, he went fishing with David and honestly wooing him is a foregone conclusion, so why not try and align with someone else.

That being said, I ship them and hope they strip off again. I mean, Tarzan cried tears of joy thinking about being alone with Dave on Day 50. Which, swoon.

Back all alone at camp, Brooke was clearly on the outs and knew that bonding with these people is a total waste of time, so instead she focused on clearing her mind and making sure she is ready to immunity her way to the end. For herself, for Vakama and most importantly, for the people trying to find a COVID-19 vaccine.

We jumped forward to Day 46 where Brooke had decided forging bonds could be helpful and as such approached Moana and Sharn to charm them. And when Sharn disappeared, Brooke floated the idea of the two of them sticking together and facing off in the final two. And knowing that Brooke has no other options, Moana saw the value in keeping her around to guarantee that she makes it to the end by surrounding her with people that want to face off against her at the end.

Waking us up from the padding, my love Dr Jonathan arrived to cure us of boredom with the immunity challenge. Sadly even the challenge feels like it’s been done multiple times this season, with each castaway solving a word puzzle on a shelf attached to a trip hazard. Most importantly, they have to spell Australian Survivor: All Stars. Did you know that this is AlL St@Rs?! Thankfully Brooke quickly got out to an early lead and literally beasted through the entire thing, never once dropping and secured immunity in a blink and you’ll miss it victory like Queen Shonee before her. I mean, those two are the poster children for yoga and pilates, right?

Back at camp Brooke was rightfully giddy to have won immunity and more importantly, thrilled to see Shonee’s reaction to it at tribal council. Well, maybe not more importantly, given she is about to Shi Ann the shit out of the boring alliance. And like Shi Ann, she wanted to go straight for the top and target Dave (because Shi Ann rightly knew Amber was in charge). While Brooke basked in her victorious glow, the alliance hung around, scared to throw out a name, while David shared with us how grateful he was to have an idol in his hot, hot hands.

The group realised that they needed to split up to actually make a difference, so they dropped Tarzan off on Brooke with the trio agreeing that he needs to go if they want to have any chance of beating Brooke at the next immunity challenge. This of course made Dave upset – something about wanting Tarzan deep in his endgame – but he was too nervous to rock the vote. Tarzan opted to go idol hunting before Sharn returned to praising everyone for being so good at the game, before her paranoia got to her and she realised that piling the votes on Tarzan risks her getting voted out should Dave play the idol. As such, Sharn suggested to Moana that they pull Brooke in and get her to join them and vote for Dave, hoping to flush the idol and get rid of the Golden God in one move. And obviously she was keen. Hella keen. Wanting to keep things interesting, Tarzan pulled Dave aside and rightly pointed out that should he go tonight, that the girls will gun for him next. Which made David nervous enough to consider the plan Sharn feared coming to fruition, playing his idol for Tarzan and getting rid of Sharn ‘never coming second again’ Coombes.

Again, lol.

At tribal council the jury were delighted to see Brooke was once again rocking the immunity necklace, which sadly only makes her more of a target. Brooke spoke about her pride at winning before talk turned to the fact that the alliance, finally, is crumbling. Sharn said it was something they always had to consider, Tarzan mentioned he hoped to have done enough while David shared that they had to be naive if they didn’t consider Brooke beasting to the end. Tarzan spoke about being really tight with two people in his alliance, leading to Sharn feeling nervous about being the last person to join the alliance. David tried to downplay their closeness, pointing out that loyalty is more important and at this point, they need to think about the next two votes as well.

David spoke about his own nerves, knowing that Brooke is targeting him and tried to rally troops against him. Brooke agreed that, duh, she wants him out before subtly pleading with Sharn and Moana to see sense and join her. To counter that David spoke about the importance of keeping him around to beat Brooke in a challenge, before countering himself by talking about her lack of strategy outside of winning challenges. With that the tribe voted, David hobbled like an old man to play his last idol for himself, which was burned as Tarzan exited the game. Hugging and praising everyone like the sweet man that he is.

While Tarzan was part of the dominant alliance that oft makes a season a tad boring, that doesn’t take away from the fact he is arguably the sweetest man to ever play the game. I mean, from laying down his game from Tessa the first go around to now, he has continually should kindness and warmth and just seems like the best guy. As such, I didn’t yell at him for not turning on Sh-oana and instead gave him a triumphant Marknana “Tarte Tarzan” Herlaar.

As sweet as its namesake, this phallic twist on the classic tarte tatin is near perfection. The mushy banana and sticky sweetness of caramel are always two of the best friends. Add a melt in your mouth pastry and well, you’re in heaven.

Enjoy!

Marknana “Tarte Tarzan” Herlaar
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 sheets puff pastry, rolled together to form a slightly thicker, larger square
180g raw caster sugar
50ml water
25g unsalted butter
4 bananas, sliced lengthways
heavy cream, for serving

Method
Preheat the oven to 180°C. 

Combine the sugar and water in a heavy-based frying pan over medium heat until the sugar has completely dissolved. Simmer for 5 minutes or until a light caramel colour. Add the butter and stir until melted.

Pour the caramel into a tarte tatin dish and top with the bananas, sliced side down. Top with the pastry and fold or roll the edges in to form a rustic circle. Making sure you keep the pastry seals in the banana and caramel.

Pop in the oven to bake for 25 minutes, or until the pastry is golden and crisp.

Allow to cool for five minutes before flipping onto a plate and serving immediately, with a gorgeous drizzle of thickened cream. Then devour.


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Mark Herlaaroumi Fries

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2017), Party Food, Side, Snack, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor, Locky and Tarzan had a post-challenge twist while Tara and Tessa faced off, I assumed to become the dominant T lady of the tribe. At Asaga, Jacry were controlling the tribe and plotted to throw the challenge, to get rid of Sam. Despite Henny’s best efforts, they ended up winning immunity, sending Samatu back to tribal where Tessa dug her hole so deep, I’m still shocked Kate was booted.

Samatau returned to camp where Tessa was completely shocked to still be alive in the game, thought was thankful slash confused to Tarzan, who saved her despite her aggressive performance at tribal. While she apologise to the tribe for her harsh words, she was sorry not soz and gave me serious Kat Dumont vibes and I am LIVING for it. Tara on the other hand, was not living for it.

The next day Jericho awoke confused as to what day it was before Luke spoke about how skinny he was, desperate for some luxury and or food. Wanting to cut Lukey’s grass, Sam tried to bond with Jericho, who spoke about his religion and the fact his Christian morals are not something he brought with him.

Over at Samatau Tessa was still shocked to still be in the game, with Tarzan confessing to her and Locky that he felt she deserved to stay and said she owed him nothing, seemingly genuinely, showing he is far more shrewd than people seem to believe. On the flipside – geddit? – Tara was still seething about the blow up, though approached Tessa by the shore to clear the air, knowing that she may need her one day soon. While it shows she is more aware than people give her credit for, Tessa was not buying it.

Not wanting to rehash the post drama any longer, JoJo arrived to lord over the reward challenge where he would release a shit tonne of coconuts into the ocean, where the tribes would have to race and collect them, ferry them back to the beach, collecting two tribe members along the way and shoot them at three targets. Given the fact it was for tea, coffee and spices, it was a serious challenge.

Both tribes strategised hard pre-game before Kent tried to win me over in his dickies. While Mark got out to an early lead for Asaga, Ziggy’s water polo skills shone, making extremely quick work of tossing the coconuts. Sadly Locky wasn’t great at balancing on the board, while fauxgi Henry’s balance allowed Asaga to overtake and pull away. Thankfully for my babe Locky, Samatau managed to close the gap while Asaga were getting their eye in and took out reward.

Back at camp, Samatu were on a high anticipating all the flavour to come. Wanting to put some icing on the cake that is their victory, Tarzan went out searching for fish when he stumbled across an option a temptation for cookies and firewood. While he battled with the weight of the dilemma, we checked in with Asaga where Luke was feeling guilty for losing the challenge where Jericho stumbled upon the same dilemma while searching for firewood. While his nips were on point, his reasoning was not, electing to take the secret food which is never a good option when it can so easily be found out, given the other tribe will obviously have the same option.

On the flipside, Tarzan continued to show his aptitude for the game, bringing firewood back to camp, showing them the note and pointing out what he gave up. Well played Tarzan, good luck navigating out of that Jericho. While his plan seemed ok in theory – using the cookies to build alliances – I don’t see it ending well offering Henry some cookies, and not Jacqui.

Over at Samatau, Tessa was still stressed out about being on the bottom of the alliance and approached Locky and Ziggy about saving her, which they felt wasn’t an option. Out of nowhere, Tarzan appeared to throw out the fact they need to target the weakest player, which is Anneliese, rather than Tessa. While they still weren’t receptive, Tessa knew that pushing it wasn’t a good idea and instead went idol hunting.

Jericho continued to act obnoxious about his cookie haul at Asaga, pulling Henry aside under the cover of darkness before enjoying a second round in the bushes with Luke. While he seemingly got away with the sneakiness, he did bury the jar in his shirt which you just know is going to be discovered. Hopefully.

Lil JoJo returned to the screens for the immunity challenge, where I’m hoping that Samatau can end their losing streak … and Locky can end his now two episode clothing streak, streaking and showing us his end. The challenge involved the tribes splitting into two teams, one finalising an obstacle course while the others ran the course without touching the ground. Samatau got out to an early lead with a rolling technique over the makeshift net obstacle. They then took a leaf out of the Parvati walking on two poles book, carrying each member across while balancing on only one. While Asaga caught up carrying the sandbags over the ladder, Samatau managed to close the gap just before Henry secured the third straight immunity for Asaga.

Tessa was not feeling confident arriving back at camp, so immediately darted off to search for an idol while the mega alliance of eight plus Tarzan reconfirmed that she was next to go. While she was having zero luck finding the idol, Tarzan went searching for it himself and quickly came up with the goods. He then approached Locky to let him know that he would join them in voting Tessa, making sure that they didn’t have a backup boot for a split vote. Locky found the exchange a bit awkward, though I’m not sure if he found it awkward enough for me to feel secure.

Continuing to work hard for Tessa, Tarzan approached AK and showed he and Tessa that he had the idol and wanted to take out one of the bigwigs of the alliance. Aka nude angel, Locky. After passing the idol straight on to Tessa, she got extremely emotional and grateful while Tarzan continued to work on AK to join them.

They arrived at tribal council where Jonathan was quick to point out that Ziggy and AK let the team down, before rubbing salt in Tessa’s bottom-of-the-alliance wounds. While Tessa pointed out that the mega-majority would eventually have to turn on themselves, Locky was quick to deflect the fact that he is in charge. Tessa once again gave an aggressive tribal council performance, while Jarrad kind of bumbled through the questions. Tara pointed out that Tessa chastised her for playing the game but is now imploring people to do the same, Anneliese felt Tessa and Tarzan wouldn’t be loyal to her if she flipped, Tarzan spoke about being loyal which Locky disagreed with, while AK tried to avoid giving away which way he would go, before hinting that Tessa may knock someone out that is not expecting it.

While it got a very smug reaction from Peter and Anneliese, their smiles quickly turned to frowns when Tessa pulled out the idol. The votes rolled in for Tessa, before Locky was startled to receive a vote … which thankfully was the only one he received, as the tribe rightfully split the votes between Tessa and Tarzan, sending the latter from the game like Rohan last year who gave up his idol to save Phoebe, only to get the boot.

While I love Tarzan, that is well played AK. As a lime farmer, Tarzan and I have been dear friends for years on account of the fact I used to be heir to the greatest fruit dynasty of Porpoise Spit inspiration, Tweed Heads.

I wasn’t sure how to feel to see Tarzan at loser lodge – I was disappointed in him for giving his idol to Tessa, thankful Locky lives to get nude another day, sad that he couldn’t work with my wet dream to go all the end … but ultimately thankful to smash some Mark Herlaaroumi Fries.

 

 

Fries are amazing, as is halloumi. Fries made out of halloumi? Well, that is a more of a wet dream than Locky.

Enjoy!

Oh, and the sauce is yoghurt, so don’t panic.

 

 

Mark Herlaaroumi Fries
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
½ cup Greek yoghurt
1 lemon, zested, then cut into wedges for serving
1 tbsp harissa
¼ cup mint leave, cut
75g plain flour
500g halloumi, cut into fries
olive oil

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Combine the yoghurt, zest, harissa and half the mint in a bowl. Stir to combine, cover and place in the fridge to cool.

Place the flour in a bowl, toss through the halloumi and place on a lined baking sheet, drizzle with oil and bake for fifteen minutes, or until golden and crisp.

Remove from the oven, transfer to a dish, top with fresh mint and serve with the harissa yoghurt and lemon wedges. Devour, dripping in sauce.

 

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