Matcha

Strawberry Matchessa Testicle

Drink, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars, RuPaul's Drag Race Global All Stars 1, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Global All Stars with the cast split neatly in two, the eliminated queens returned to join the families of the top six in a little international makeover. Everyone did a fairly good job, though the clear standouts were Nehellenia – for her killer costumes – and Kween – for her makeup. At the other end of the pack, Vanity gave costume stewardess and Kitty served a tired plot of feuding sisters, which was enough to land them in the bottom. In Untucked, Kween Kong was clearly pressed to finally see a fellow Ru girl land in the bottom and took out her rage on Nelly, calling her out for doing a terrible job at beating her and Pythia’s mugs. Kitty joined the fray in tears, making it that little bit sweeter as Nelly took out her first win of the season. Much to the simmering rage of the duo. Sadly though, that fired up Kitty enough to serve in the lip sync and tragically send Vanity home.

Backstage you could still cut the tension with a knife as Alyssa congratulated Kitty on her lip syncing debut, despite being all stuck in her feels. Nelly thankfully was delighted to take out her first win of the season, grateful to Alyssa for giving her her flowers. Kween, to her credit, congratulated her on her win and apologised for being in a mood and making her feel less than. I am paraphrasing here, but it was a decent apology. Decent.

The next day everyone was feeling far more upbeat as Tessa made jokes about nobody expecting her to make it this far. Which, correct. Kitty meanwhile was thrilled to have a single experience in the bottom, as it has fired her up for victory. Kween too was ready for her crown, or at the very least, some KFC. Slowly but surely winning me back after last week. Nelly joked about being a filler queen that is finally going to get the win, which I hope goes direct from her lips to Ru’s ears. Alyssa meanwhile lied and pretended she was happy with her safe stint across, say, the entire season. Ru dropped by as Nelly admitted she was shocked to still be in the competition, announcing that to make it to the end, they would need to film tourism commercials to promote their mother countries. And make a little postcard in Canva to boot.

So condragulations Alyssa, I guess, given she is the queen of branding. Well, after Trixie, of course.

Ru exited as the dolls split up to work on their commercials as Kitty reminded us that this was the challenge in her original season that was so bad nobody won. This time, Kitty was going to lean into how bad English food was, scaring Nelly and Tessa with the way they all sounded like slurs. Nelly was going to lean into Italian stereotypes, while Tessa was going to represent both Switzerland and Germany. Kween was hoping to do better than she did in the branding challenge on her original challenge – oh, fuck yeah, she did bad – while Alyssa was rightly confident, given she almost won this challenge in Season 5. Bested only by Jinkx. Which, duh.

We then got a super cut of the queens working in Canva as the least subtle product placement before they split up to beat their mugs for the shoot. Nehellenia spoke about how proud she is to be representing Italy, while Kitty reminded them all to lean into the stereotypes. As they kikied about where else they would live if they had to move, Nelly spoke about how homophobic Italy can be.

Kitty was first up to film her commercial with Michelle, feeling inspired by Kim when she became a bouncer in Kath & Kim. She was munching on faggots, pissing in a phone booth and was all around delightful. Alyssa meanwhile vomited the U.S. of A all over set and leant into her strength, which is being a damn fool. And ugh, I love her. Despite how nervous she was. Nehellenia meanwhile was the most glamorous idiot and while it looked like she struggled with her pronunciation, I think it is going to be stunning. Tessa meanwhile was leaning into the dairy of Switzerland, and while the filming felt cringe, I am hopeful it will turn out ok. Hopefully. Kween meanwhile was on the struggle bus, though did give a shout out to my dear Spankie, which earns her a little credit in my eyes.

Elimination Day arrived with the dolls opening up about their drag families, as Nelly shared that she has a tonne of sisters. Kween spoke about how her drag mothers saved her and she can’t imagine how her life would have turned out without them. Alyssa spoke about how they are the people who really raised her. Kween and Alyssa meanwhile admitted they desperately want children, though Alyssa worried that she would be mommy dearest. Which tracks. Nelly opened up about how it isn’t possible for her to have a kid in Italy and how it breaks her heart. Tessa spoke about her friend who is raising a son that is on the path to becoming a drag queen and how proud it makes her. And fuck, now I’m crying.

Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined on the panel by T.S. Madison as Kitty kicked off the Star Trek: Queens in Outer Space runway looking stunning in a glam black gown surrounded by shimmering planets. Kween was a silver warrior, Tessa gave Dianne Brill in the silver moon of Studio 54, though was a little costumey. Alyssa was a tin foil birth of venus while Nehellenia was an intergalactic robot, Barbie, hooker. 

When it came to their commercials, Kitty was hilarious, camp and oh so charming. Which the judges lived for, given she had a clear vision, is funny and nailed each and every moment. And they lived for her runway, given it is just so unexpected for her. Kween on the other hand was confusing and chaotic, though did reference both Spankie AND Hannah, which I liked. Sadly the judges didn’t, wishing she focused on herself as it started to drag towards the end. Though the judges loved everything about her runway. Tessa was fun and stoopid, despite not giving us much about Swiss culture. And they wished she hadn’t already served cow a few weeks earlier. Though they loved how fun her runway was. Alyssa received all the flowers for her commercial, despite it being far more tame than I was expecting. And they lived for her runway. Nehellenia on the other hand was surprising, silly and oh so fun. And her runway was beloved.

Backstage Kween was accepting of the fact she is going to be lip syncing tonight, feeling like she failed and let everyone down. Tessa meanwhile was more focused on the fact that she did so well on the season, given she only filmed her first one four months ago. As she broke down, her sisters congratulated her on how far she has come and that she actually has the best attitude in the competition. Alyssa held back tears, talking about how desperate she was to take out a win on this challenge and show how far she has come. And she was now ready to push herself and jag the crown. Which felt a bit winner’s edit-y, no?

Ultimately Alyssa scored her second win of the competition and was the first queen through to the top four. She was joined by Nehellenia and Kitty, leaving Kween and Tessa to lip sync for the final slot. Just as they expected. As soon as Thelma Houston’s Don’t Leave Me This Way kicked off, it was extremely clear that Kween had no intention of stumbling this close to the end, stomping and flipping all over the stage. While Tessa was spinning and giving the silliest, boobtastic reveals, she also deliberately blocked Kween during one of her tricks which felt a little icky. As such Tessa’s run tragically came to an end, as Kween joined her sisters in the finale and Tessa sashayed away.

Despite being disappointed to see another non-Ru girl go home, I knew that Tessa would be bringing the fun so obnoxiously moo-ed from backstage until she found me. I pulled her in for an epic hug – she is actually my drag daughter, which explains her personality, no? –  and told her how proud of her I was. She was clearly underestimated by her sisters and despite not being one of the 10 finalists on the cast, week in week out, she turned a show and delivered epic television. And that, my friends, is the secret to success. So I toasted her run with a deliciously dairy Strawberry Matchessa Testicle.

You can’t swing a dick in Brisbane without hitting a strawberry matcha at the moment, and while they are easily my least favourite berry, in this little number, they are perfect. The bitter matcha is the perfect juxtaposition to the sickly sweet strawberry syrup, which has you coming back for more and more.

Enjoy!

Strawberry Matchessa Testicle
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
500g fresh strawberries, hulled and cut into quarters
¼ cup raw caster sugar
¼ cup water
2 tbsp fresh lemon juice
4 tsp matcha powder
½ cup boiling water
2 cups ice
2 cups milk

Method
First, combine the strawberries, raw caster sugar, water and lemon juice in a saucepan over medium heat and bring to the boil. Reduce to low and simmer for 5 minutes, or until sticky and reduced. Allow to cool slightly before blitzing with a stick blender to form a smooth syrup. Leave to cool completely.

To make the matcha, sift and whisk matcha powder in a matcha cup or low bowl with the boiling water in a zig-zag motion until frothy and no lumps remain. 

Pour ¼ cup of strawberry sauce into the bottom of two tall glasses, followed by the ice cubes, milk and finally the matcha. Then down, on trend, very demure.


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Mattcha Dyson Latte

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2018), Drink, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Sur … wait, no, SERIOUSLY? It happens to me everytime! New year, new season, new gimmicky title – Champions vs. Contenders, yo – and finally, a new location as my boy JLP introduced us to majestic Fiji – aka the home of US Survivor now – before showing us a boat as it made its way through the rivers of Fiji, obviously featuring the Champions … as yachting is how champions choose to travel. On said boat we were introduced to dual code footy champ Mat Rogers, icon Shane Gould – who is instantly my favourite – and Queen Sandra Diaz-Twine’s nemesis Russell Hantz, who for some reason was put on the Champions tribe despite losing Survivor thrice. They were joined by double amputee ex-soldier Damien Thomlinson, who was very confident in the fact one of them will win.

Jokes on him though, because everyone loves an underdog … and with that we were introduced to Steve K and the rest of the Contenders, as they rolled through the jungle in a beat-up old truck, holding on for dear life so not to be flicked out into the Fijian jungle and the awaiting staged tribesman. Joining Steve – who is also an icon – is Anita who will challenge Shane for my heart, oh wait, no, zaddy’s home … I’m going for Robbie. Robbie is hot and I look forward to the Locky Gilbert Memorial Nude Challenge.

The Contenders arrived at the site of their first reward challenge – said Locky Gilbert Memorial Nude Challenge … The Secret is real, yo – to see Jonathan, who gave them some light shade about being the Contenders. Not leaving them to wonder about their opposition for long, JLP brought out the Champions and like me, they were shocked to see three-time loser Russell amongst the line-up

Echoing my sentiments potential-Queen Anita mentioned the fact that everyone loves an underdog, before JLP threw some epic shade at Hantz, enquiring what exactly he had done to be considered a champion.


#JLP4LYF

Mat Rogers wasn’t concerned about having too bigger target on his back, Steve W worked his way up in my books by showing a decent knowledge of the game, and not to mention could give us the majesty of seeing Mish Bridges pulled out for a family reward.

Before I pass out from the excitement of Mish, I’ll focus on the challenge and hand and get back to secreting the clothes off Robbie, Benji, Heath, Steve W and Sam. JLP informed everyone that they would play the game with only the clothes on their backs and that this challenge would give them the chance to battle for comfort items. Each round, one person from each tribe faces off, slides down a slide – hopefully showing some skin for some – and battle for the item dropped at the end.


Shying away from the usual same gendered competitors in each round, Moana was up first for the Champions competing against Matt D for a single pillow. Obvi, I assumed Moana was going to completely school him – as did Mat R – however somehow he took out the pillow, despite her crafting move. Ex-Gladiator Zach and Steve compared muscles for a bag of rice with Steve completely bombing, though making him even more lovable to me. Olympic Gold Medallist Lydia proved no match for Jenna who snagged the Contenders a bag of pineapples – their third win in a row – before Steve K started rifling through the loot, obviously searching for an idol clue due to boredom over how one sided the battle is. Thankfully for the Champions, Queen Shane dominated Paige and scored them their first victory, in the form of oranges. Mat R and Robbie – in some v skimpy pants, YAS – were up next with Mat making a play for my heart by trying to rip his pants off while dragging him over for the Champions second win, this time for rope. The final round featured man-tree Heath versus recent arrestee Brian Lake competing for fire in the form of flint, which Brian snatched by playing dirty and pushing Heath out of the way at the start of the slide.

With that, the survivors were sent off to their camps where we met former Miss Universe Australia Monika who was completely thrilled about not having to shave or wear make-up for a couple of months. Given she is a beauty queen, she is definitely one to watch. Steve W quickly made himself the leader of the Champions, rallying the troops and getting everyone to work setting up camp and starting a fire. Obviously this pissed off Russell, who felt everyone was too focused on setting up camp rather than playing the game. Which yes, is true, but come on … you need shelter and fire ASAP dude. Obviously Russell made a beeline for Monika, who he deemed to be stupid and proceeded to lie about making it to the end with his alliances three times (two dude) and helping a beauty queens win, bitterly spitting out Natalie White’s name when asked. And once again proving that he hasn’t really learnt from his mistakes.

Meanwhile over at the Contenders everyone got down to introducing themselves, with Anita continuing her ascension in my heart. Robbie put his career as a construction manager to good work, leading the tribe in building the shelter while Shonee, Fenella and Paige acted like the Greek Chorus, gossiping about how ripped the guys on their tribe are. While the girls thirsted and Benji, Zach, Heath and Robbie started a bromance, Steve K continued to hunt for an idol in a very obvious and skittish fashion. This got Matt D’s attention, who quickly spread the intel throughout the tribe and worked to get the target for first boot as far away as possible. Despite the drama, the tribe got together to make fire in preparation of nightfall and while there was smoke, there tragically was no fire.

Back at the Champions, the tribe joined together by the fire to share their impressive resumes and bond. While Shane and Lydia impressed with their olympic victories, it was Damien’s story that packed the most emotional punch sharing about the accident that lead to his amputations and even managed to take Russell out of his gamebot mode. While they snuggled by the fire to keep the cold at bay, laughing about how cold the Contenders would be feeling. We then obviously cut to see them shivering in misery, and while it was pitiful, it gave us the sight of Zach nuzzling into Heath for warmth and damn I could ship the hell out of that romance.

The Contenders quickly got to work attempting to make fire and fix their shelter the next day, while Shonee lamented the fact she could be doing brunch right about now, rather than smashing some termites with besties Fenella and Anita. Steve K? Oh, he is still hunting for idols and charming the shit out of Paige and damn, I could ship the shit out of this pairing too. Begging the question, WHY AM I SHIPPING HETERO RELATIONSHIPS?

The Champs went for a morning beach walk while Monika and Brian tried to learn what astrophysicist Sam actually does. He was concerned about how people perceive him being the nerd of the tribe, while Sharn, Brian and Monika gushed over how adorable he is. Russell too was fangirling over Sam, quickly trying to align with him and Monika before going hunting for a hidden immunity idol. With him tragically finding the first one of the season and vowing to force the Champions to start playing the game which is amazing for the sole reason that you know it is going to blow-up in his face.

JLP opted to distract me from the pain of Russell’s idol find by arriving for the first immunity challenge of the season where the tribes would be required to climb over a high wall, climb through a series of obstacles, knock down a wall, unlock puzzle pieces, solving a hanging puzzle and then destroying said puzzle. While it for the ugliest immunity idol, it is immunity … so they were hungry. The Contenders got out to an early lead thanks to man-mountain Heath, while Russell proved to be an albatross around the Champions neck. Well until both tribes were down to one person left to ascend the wall, with Mat R snagging them the lead while poor Heath struggled. Thankfully the Contenders reclaimed the lead through the obstacles, giving them an advantage as they got to solving the puzzle. Though they did almost break Jenna, which looked pretty gnarly. Paige and Matt D quickly worked through the puzzle, well Paige did, while Matt wander aimlessly allowing Damien and Jackie to overtake the Contenders and start on destroying their puzzle. Damien dominated, knocking the puzzle down piece by piece while Matt D desperately tried to close the gap. Which he sadly didn’t.

While the Champions celebrated their win, Anita asked JLP to call a medic to check over Jenna, who thankfully assured her that it was just soft tissue damage. With that, legit doctor JLP sent them back to camp and ordered Jenna to elevate her leg while scrambling to save herself from becoming an easy first boot. Paige tried to rally the troops and perk everyone up, while Steve K lamented how the puzzle solvers squandered their lead. Sensing that he was the obvious target, Steve stuck to everyone like glue to avoid giving them the opportunity to plot against him. Despite feeling close to Zach, he was in fact leading the charge against Steve while Paige, Anita, Fenella, Shonee and Anita spoke about how sad it will be to lose him.

Fenella was confident that Steve wouldn’t have an idol, while Matt started to spook everyone by trying to split the vote just in case he did in fact find one. Matt got increasingly paranoid, going to the other boys to try and lock something in, only painting a bigger target on his back as he offended them and then disappeared for hours trying to find an idol. Obviously this made everyone suspicious, with queen Tegan and Robbie stalking through the jungle like Queen SDT to find him. Which they did, catching him red handed. We then returned back to camp where Matt was miraculously chilling with everyone by the beach and Steve then ran back into camp excitedly, making it all very confusing just as we headed out to tribal.

The tribe filed into tribal council before JLP rubbed salt in their wounds about not having fire or a shelter. While they lamented not being able to sleep, Steve proudly spoke about using meditation to get some killer shut-eye. Zach spoke about first impressions before King Steve called JLP Jeff and tried to refocus everyone on playing the game. Feeling nervous, Matt reminded everyone about Steve hunting for idol clues during the opening challenge and laid into him for not owning it. Robbie then cut him off and told him that maybe he should own his extended disappearance for idol hunting. Which he did own, before completely going in on the bromance alliance and moving the target closer to his back with every word.

While Robbie, Benji and Tegan tried to calm Matt down, he continued to lay into everyone and then offended all the women by saying they were blind, submissive lemmings. Which is ridiculous TBH. Fenella and Paige seethed at his continuing flameout, while Zach still tried to calm Matt while Matt, bless, continued to offend his tribemates, one at a time. Paige channelled Keith Nale and tried to get everyone to stick to the plan, which Heath, Shonee and Jenna agreed was the best, for the tribe. Matt too urged them all to stick to the plan, though the smirk on his face would suggest he either just realised he was the target all along or somehow was trying to make Steve feel safe enough not to play his hypothetical idol.

With that they cast their votes one by one before Steve did not play an idol, real or otherwise, and Matt found himself becoming the first boot of Champions vs. Contenders. Telling the girls to start playing the game on his way out the door, leading to Shonee’s brutal smack-down that they just did, instantly becoming my number one.

Matt was pretty pissed to find himself becoming the first boot, however quickly realised that he really only had himself to blame after that tribal council performance. And by realised, I reiterated it to him until he agreed he fumbled the ball or something else one of the footy playing Champions would say. After beating him down emotionally, I started to feel guilty and so quickly ran off to the kitchen and whipped him up a soothing Mattcha Dyson Latte.

 

 

The soothing nature of green tea combined with the sweetness of maple and the smug you can enjoy knowing how many antioxidants you’re enjoying, make this the perfect antidote to first boot pain.

I mean, it isn’t a shit tonne of cheese and carbs. But it will do.

Enjoy!

 

 

Mattcha Dyson Latte
Serves: 2

Ingredients
1 tbsp matcha powder
1 tbsp boiling water
1 tsp maple syrup
300-500ml hot (preferably frothed) milk

Method
Combine the matcha, boiling water and maple syrup in a cup and whisk until smooth and lump free.


Slowly pour in the warmed milk, stirring constantly.

Down, while lamenting the pain of becoming the first boot.

 

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