Keanachu Reeves

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I tell you, Keanu is like a fine red wine – and no I don’t mean he stains my teeth if I’m dehydrated – he just gets better and better with age.

While he has had more misses than hits since The Matrix saga concluded, Keanu has never once held that against me despite the fact I am his closest, unpaid advisor. That being said, he decided to co-star again with Sandy fucking Bullock against my judgement and that is definitely his worst film of the 00s and obviously I argue that is the reason for the slowing of decent offers.

I guess it is hard to hold my other terrible advice against me, given I’ve been making questionable choices for the entire duration of our friendship. From getting him expelled, to forcing him into taking pay cuts to bump up the wages of my other friends Gene and Al or robbing banks with Lori Petty and inspiring both Point Break and her stint in Orange is the New Black, my choices have never been great.

But Keanu always stands behind me, although only figuratively after Speed.

Despite our love affair ending after the meddling of Bitchy McBullfuck, I always try to keep my options open with him by keeping the spice in our relationship … which is where my Keanachu Reeves comes into play.

 

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I’ve oft spoken about my love of spice and melt your insides hot chilli – and if you’ve missed it, your homework is to re-read every article. Actually, while you’re there can you proof all my past posts and point out all my sausage-finger typos and drunken grammatical errors – I just, kind of can’t be bothered doing it myself but know that I should, you know?

Anyway … way off course. Keanachu is a gangbang (I wish) of my George Takeios, Chilli con Kim Carnes, Chipotlenny Kravitz Burritos and Candace Cameron Bure-ito Bowls because, full disclosure, I just throw any and all spices, chillis and beans into a pot when cooking Mexican and hope for the best.

It is yet to fail me, so enjoy – Keanachu is as delicious as its namesake.

 

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Keanachu Reeves
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, finely diced
2 cloves garlic, minced
500g beef mince
½ red capsicum, diced
½ green capsicum diced
1 tbsp chilli powder
1 tbsp ground cumin
1 tsp oregano
½ tsp cayenne pepper
2 chipotles in adobo, finely minced
400g can crushed tomatoes
400g can kidney beans, drained and rinsed
salt and pepper, to season
1 cup grated cheddar cheese
f-loads of corn/tortilla chips
guac, to serve – you don’t have to pay extra though
sour cream, to serve

Method
Heat the oil in a large pan over medium heat. Reduce to low and add the onion and the garlic, sweating until they are soft, translucent and smell glorious. Add the mince, breaking up with the back of a spoon, until it is starting to brown.

Increase to a medium heat and add the capsicum and spices, stirring to combine and release the flavours. Add the chipotles, tomatoes, kidney beans and a good whack of salt and pepper and, again, stir to combine. If it is too thick, add a bit of water and reduce to a low heat, again, and leave to simmer, half-cockedcovered for 15-20 minutes.

Preheat oven 180°C.

Layer chips, be them corn or tortilla, on the base of a large baking dish, top with balls-hot chilli and a good layer of cheese and bake in the oven for about ten minutes, or until the cheese is golden and bubbly … and hot enough to give third degree burns.

Serve generously or eat from the dish with copious amounts of guac and sour cream.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

My Own Private Guytablow

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Talk about a blast from the past! I was heading back from rigging the Rip Curl Pro for Matty Wilkinson in Bells Beach, when I thought, damn my life has been lacking drama lately so I picked up the phone and called my dear friend Keanu Reeves.

As you would be aware, Keanu is 100% pure adrenaline meaning, obviously, we had a torrid love affair which may or may not have lead to his expulsion from the Etobicoke School of the Arts. While he was bummed to be expelled from ESA, the incident bonded us for life and loosely inspired three of his latter films: Speed, My Own Private Idaho and The Devil’s Advocate.

While to commoners it may appear that Keanu has fallen off the face of the earth in recent years, we try to stay in touch every couple of months when we get together to read scripts and make smart career decisions … like avoiding working with my nemesis / evil shrew, Sandra Bullock.

Yep – sorry Jason Patric, I’m the reason Speed 2 became available.

What says thanks for finally letting me share our beautiful love story?

Picture source: Screen cap from Point Break.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Al CapPacino Cake

Cake, Dessert, Sweets

It has been way too long between drinks, of coffee, with our dear friend Al!

Our catch-ups have been few and far between in the post-Vittoria years, with us avoiding him out of guilt and he avoiding us until he had moved past the deep, deep shame.

Thankfully he realised the commercials were far less shameful than starring in Gigli or Jack and Jill, and our friendship is returning to normal. It didn’t help that we have remained vigilant in trashing Bevs D’Ang in the tabloids to help ensure custody issues remain resolved.

Al was in town wanting to talk smack about Chris O’Donnell and help sabotage the filming of the latest Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Like us, he also hates Depp for taking roles that should be going to our love/his dear friend, Keanu. As such, an Al CapPacino Cake with a tongue planted firmly in cheek was required to give us the energy we needed.

 

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While we sadly weren’t able to shut-down production of Pirates 17: Depp the Douche … yet (we are truly sorry everyone), the cake was moist, fluffy and had the perfect whack of coffee.

All in all, it was a win. Enjoy!

 

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Al CapPacino Cake
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
225g caster sugar
225g soft  unsalted butter (plus some for greasing)
200g plain flour
50g ground almonds
4 tsp instant espresso powder
2 ½ tsp baking powder
½ tsp bicarbonate soda
4 large eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract
1-2 tbsp milk

Icing
160g white chocolate
¼ cup unsalted butter
½ cup plus 1 tablespoon sour cream
1 ½-2 cups icing sugar, sifted
Cocoa powder

Method
Preheat the oven to 180°C. Butter a 23cm cake tin and line the base with baking parchment.

Combine flour, ground almonds, espresso powder, baking powder and bicarbonate soda in a bowl. Place this baby to the side (don’t worry, just for a bit…nobody puts baby in the corner … permanently).

In a large bowl, cream butter and sugar with an electric mixer. Stop, add one egg, mix to combine. Stop, add a third of the flour mixture, mix to combine. Continue until the eggs and flour are gone.

With the mixer running, add vanilla extract and milk to slightly loosen the mixture. Trust your gut, you may not need all the milk, you may need more. It should be loose and light enough to drop easily off a spoon.

Pour the mixture into the lined tin and bake in the oven for 30-45 minutes, or until the sponge has risen and feels springy to the touch. Cool in the tin on a wire rack for about 10 minutes, before turning out onto the rack and peeling off the baking parchment.

When cool, literally and metaphorically, you can make the icing.

Icing
Melt the chocolate and butter in a double boiler, and set aside to cool slightly before stirring in the sour cream. Using a whisk, gradually beat in the sifted icing sugar. Add as much sugar as feels right to get the consistency you like, if thin, add more and if too thick add a little bit of hot water. Spread roughly, generously and playfully over the top of the cake. Dust lightly with cocoa, slice, serve and devour.

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Friendster, FriendFace, Myspace and YouFace coming soon.