Previously on Global All Stars with the cast split neatly in two, the eliminated queens returned to join the families of the top six in a little international makeover. Everyone did a fairly good job, though the clear standouts were Nehellenia – for her killer costumes – and Kween – for her makeup. At the other end of the pack, Vanity gave costume stewardess and Kitty served a tired plot of feuding sisters, which was enough to land them in the bottom. In Untucked, Kween Kong was clearly pressed to finally see a fellow Ru girl land in the bottom and took out her rage on Nelly, calling her out for doing a terrible job at beating her and Pythia’s mugs. Kitty joined the fray in tears, making it that little bit sweeter as Nelly took out her first win of the season. Much to the simmering rage of the duo. Sadly though, that fired up Kitty enough to serve in the lip sync and tragically send Vanity home.

Backstage you could still cut the tension with a knife as Alyssa congratulated Kitty on her lip syncing debut, despite being all stuck in her feels. Nelly thankfully was delighted to take out her first win of the season, grateful to Alyssa for giving her her flowers. Kween, to her credit, congratulated her on her win and apologised for being in a mood and making her feel less than. I am paraphrasing here, but it was a decent apology. Decent.

The next day everyone was feeling far more upbeat as Tessa made jokes about nobody expecting her to make it this far. Which, correct. Kitty meanwhile was thrilled to have a single experience in the bottom, as it has fired her up for victory. Kween too was ready for her crown, or at the very least, some KFC. Slowly but surely winning me back after last week. Nelly joked about being a filler queen that is finally going to get the win, which I hope goes direct from her lips to Ru’s ears. Alyssa meanwhile lied and pretended she was happy with her safe stint across, say, the entire season. Ru dropped by as Nelly admitted she was shocked to still be in the competition, announcing that to make it to the end, they would need to film tourism commercials to promote their mother countries. And make a little postcard in Canva to boot.

So condragulations Alyssa, I guess, given she is the queen of branding. Well, after Trixie, of course.

Ru exited as the dolls split up to work on their commercials as Kitty reminded us that this was the challenge in her original season that was so bad nobody won. This time, Kitty was going to lean into how bad English food was, scaring Nelly and Tessa with the way they all sounded like slurs. Nelly was going to lean into Italian stereotypes, while Tessa was going to represent both Switzerland and Germany. Kween was hoping to do better than she did in the branding challenge on her original challenge – oh, fuck yeah, she did bad – while Alyssa was rightly confident, given she almost won this challenge in Season 5. Bested only by Jinkx. Which, duh.

We then got a super cut of the queens working in Canva as the least subtle product placement before they split up to beat their mugs for the shoot. Nehellenia spoke about how proud she is to be representing Italy, while Kitty reminded them all to lean into the stereotypes. As they kikied about where else they would live if they had to move, Nelly spoke about how homophobic Italy can be.

Kitty was first up to film her commercial with Michelle, feeling inspired by Kim when she became a bouncer in Kath & Kim. She was munching on faggots, pissing in a phone booth and was all around delightful. Alyssa meanwhile vomited the U.S. of A all over set and leant into her strength, which is being a damn fool. And ugh, I love her. Despite how nervous she was. Nehellenia meanwhile was the most glamorous idiot and while it looked like she struggled with her pronunciation, I think it is going to be stunning. Tessa meanwhile was leaning into the dairy of Switzerland, and while the filming felt cringe, I am hopeful it will turn out ok. Hopefully. Kween meanwhile was on the struggle bus, though did give a shout out to my dear Spankie, which earns her a little credit in my eyes.

Elimination Day arrived with the dolls opening up about their drag families, as Nelly shared that she has a tonne of sisters. Kween spoke about how her drag mothers saved her and she can’t imagine how her life would have turned out without them. Alyssa spoke about how they are the people who really raised her. Kween and Alyssa meanwhile admitted they desperately want children, though Alyssa worried that she would be mommy dearest. Which tracks. Nelly opened up about how it isn’t possible for her to have a kid in Italy and how it breaks her heart. Tessa spoke about her friend who is raising a son that is on the path to becoming a drag queen and how proud it makes her. And fuck, now I’m crying.

Ru, Michelle and Jamal were joined on the panel by T.S. Madison as Kitty kicked off the Star Trek: Queens in Outer Space runway looking stunning in a glam black gown surrounded by shimmering planets. Kween was a silver warrior, Tessa gave Dianne Brill in the silver moon of Studio 54, though was a little costumey. Alyssa was a tin foil birth of venus while Nehellenia was an intergalactic robot, Barbie, hooker. 

When it came to their commercials, Kitty was hilarious, camp and oh so charming. Which the judges lived for, given she had a clear vision, is funny and nailed each and every moment. And they lived for her runway, given it is just so unexpected for her. Kween on the other hand was confusing and chaotic, though did reference both Spankie AND Hannah, which I liked. Sadly the judges didn’t, wishing she focused on herself as it started to drag towards the end. Though the judges loved everything about her runway. Tessa was fun and stoopid, despite not giving us much about Swiss culture. And they wished she hadn’t already served cow a few weeks earlier. Though they loved how fun her runway was. Alyssa received all the flowers for her commercial, despite it being far more tame than I was expecting. And they lived for her runway. Nehellenia on the other hand was surprising, silly and oh so fun. And her runway was beloved.

Backstage Kween was accepting of the fact she is going to be lip syncing tonight, feeling like she failed and let everyone down. Tessa meanwhile was more focused on the fact that she did so well on the season, given she only filmed her first one four months ago. As she broke down, her sisters congratulated her on how far she has come and that she actually has the best attitude in the competition. Alyssa held back tears, talking about how desperate she was to take out a win on this challenge and show how far she has come. And she was now ready to push herself and jag the crown. Which felt a bit winner’s edit-y, no?

Ultimately Alyssa scored her second win of the competition and was the first queen through to the top four. She was joined by Nehellenia and Kitty, leaving Kween and Tessa to lip sync for the final slot. Just as they expected. As soon as Thelma Houston’s Don’t Leave Me This Way kicked off, it was extremely clear that Kween had no intention of stumbling this close to the end, stomping and flipping all over the stage. While Tessa was spinning and giving the silliest, boobtastic reveals, she also deliberately blocked Kween during one of her tricks which felt a little icky. As such Tessa’s run tragically came to an end, as Kween joined her sisters in the finale and Tessa sashayed away.

Despite being disappointed to see another non-Ru girl go home, I knew that Tessa would be bringing the fun so obnoxiously moo-ed from backstage until she found me. I pulled her in for an epic hug – she is actually my drag daughter, which explains her personality, no? –  and told her how proud of her I was. She was clearly underestimated by her sisters and despite not being one of the 10 finalists on the cast, week in week out, she turned a show and delivered epic television. And that, my friends, is the secret to success. So I toasted her run with a deliciously dairy Strawberry Matchessa Testicle.

You can’t swing a dick in Brisbane without hitting a strawberry matcha at the moment, and while they are easily my least favourite berry, in this little number, they are perfect. The bitter matcha is the perfect juxtaposition to the sickly sweet strawberry syrup, which has you coming back for more and more.

Enjoy!

Strawberry Matchessa Testicle
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
500g fresh strawberries, hulled and cut into quarters
¼ cup raw caster sugar
¼ cup water
2 tbsp fresh lemon juice
4 tsp matcha powder
½ cup boiling water
2 cups ice
2 cups milk

Method
First, combine the strawberries, raw caster sugar, water and lemon juice in a saucepan over medium heat and bring to the boil. Reduce to low and simmer for 5 minutes, or until sticky and reduced. Allow to cool slightly before blitzing with a stick blender to form a smooth syrup. Leave to cool completely.

To make the matcha, sift and whisk matcha powder in a matcha cup or low bowl with the boiling water in a zig-zag motion until frothy and no lumps remain. 

Pour ¼ cup of strawberry sauce into the bottom of two tall glasses, followed by the ice cubes, milk and finally the matcha. Then down, on trend, very demure.


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