Joe Black

Chorizjoe Blacroquettes

Party Food, RuPaul's Drag Race UK, RuPaul’s Drag Race UK 2, Snack, Tapas, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race UK the dolls worked tirelessly for four weeks, culminating in a glorious morning TV show where Bimini was an absolute star, despite Lawrence slaying and taking out her second win of the season. At the other end of the pack Sister Sister faded while Ginny stayed at one note which resulted in the duo landed in the bottom to lip sync for their lives. Only Ginny woke up and chose chaos that day – which, relatable given everything going on in the world at that time – exiting the competition mid-lip sync while Sister Sister gave it her all for safety. Unaware that she was already safe, thanks to Ginny.

Backstage the queens were in shock after Ginny self-eliminated, with Sister confirming that she didn’t even realise that Ginny had quit and that she was on stage by herself. Lawrence spoke about being pissed off about Ginny quitting, while Sister Sister wondered whether she deserved to still be in the competition or whether she is now just there by default. The queens sat down to kiki on the couch with A’Whora sliding back into the villain role by saying she was more shocked that Ginny was in the bottom two over Veronica, which continued to annoy Veronica until Bimini pointed out that her killer look clearly saved her. Veronica warned that nothing will keep her down and she will fight it out until the end. Before Tayce then jumped in and called her cocky, leading to another fight and damn, are these girls stressed.

Tia admitted that if they were all judging the bottom two, things would be different before Lawrence cut her off and pissed her off. This led to them almost cutting each other, until Ru arrived to announce that EVERYONE will be going home because Miss Rona – what I think is making all the girls a little more stressed than usual, TBH – and reconvene once it is safe.

Seven months later, Ru decorated the expanded Werk Room for a homecoming party with A’Whora first to re-enter, energised, nipped and tucked and ready to fight. Bimini was glorious, plasticised and hating on COVID, Ellie loved working the drive through again back home, Lawrence was feeling rusty after not working for so long, Sister Sister was fiery and loving her face work while Tayce was charming, ridiculous and now living with A’Whora full time. Oh and Tia was charming, lovely and didn’t change a thing, aside from less nervous energy.

While the girls awaited Veronica’s arrival, Ru returned in full Ginny Lemon cosplay to announce that Veronica has COVID-19 and as such, will not be returning to the competition. But she is invited to win Season 3. With the tragic news out of the way, Ru invited the three person brit Crew to entertain the girls in giant animal outfits. Wait, no, psych – it is the three eliminated queens, who have returned to plead their case to replace Veronica in the competition. Joe simply asked the queens to give her the chance to show a little bit more, Cherry reminded everyone she is a nurse and worked through the pandemic and come on, she deserves it for that alone. Oh and Asttina shared that she has evolved – and looked even sexier, somehow – which TBH, should scare the queens. Ultimately Ellie, Tia, Sister Sister, Lawrence and Tayce all voted to give Joe another shot in the competition while A’Whora and Bimini weren’t scared, voting for Asttina return.

At least they got gift bags, no? But honestly, not one person voted for the iconic, gorgeous frontline worker?! After the year she just had – how rude!

With the new top eight set in stone, Ru announced that for this week’s Maxi Challenge she would pit the queens against each other in two girl groups at RuRuVision, writing and recording their own lyrics to UK, Hun? and perform it live on the mainstage, complete with choreography. As the returning queen, Joe Black was named one of the team captains with Lawrence handed the other given she won the last challenge. Joe quickly snatched up Tia, Sister and Ellie Diamond while Lawrence snagged Bimini and Tayce, with A’Whora joining them by default. Much to her absolute disgust and disappointment.

The groups quickly split up, with Team Joe thrilled by her selections and the queens confident they will win. Meanwhile Bimini was feeling her oats on the other couches and ugh, this is going to be good. We flipped back to Joe’s Team who selected the name Bananadrama, while A’Whora suggested the name United Kingdolls for Team Lawrence, which is correct in every way. Team Joe spoke about potential outfits, with Joe nervous about not really having anything ‘young’ enough for a girl group. Meanwhile the United Kingdolls were laughing about the other team, while Bananadrama felt they were ignoring the fact the challenge requires a high level of camp rather than looking like a girl group.

That being said, the Frock Destroyers would like a word.

Ru returned to chat to the queens, with Tia sharing that finding out that Veronica won’t be returning shook her, however the break was long enough to make her believe in herself rather than needing her friend’s support. Joe meanwhile was excited to get another chance to shine, Ellie was confident in her singing and dancing ability and more importantly, was confident in Sister’s new teeth. Despite any growing pains settling in with their new size. Meanwhile Ru loved the name United Kingdolls, though seemed nervous about A’Whora’s lack of singing ability. Though Tayce was confident in their diversity as a team and was sure that not being a one note group would carry them to victory.

Bananadrama were first up to record the track with MNEK on the mainstage, with Sister nervous about dropping the lyrics with her new teeth. Though she knocked it out of the park, as did Ellie living her Miley best life. Joe was less confident, though was camp and charming and you know, if Toto can add extra syllables to lines so can Joe. See-gar, or sig-ar, be damned. Oh and Tia slayed her rap. A’Whora was up first for the United Kingdolls, giving demented, hilarious, erotic energy and I live. Bimini was doing unintentional key changes before MNEK reminded her to inject Bimini, which she knocked out of the park when she did. Tayce’s lyrics were fire, as was her energy and ugh, I’m getting goosebumps. Will this challenge be as iconic as last season’s? Please. Lawrence started out nervous, bland and slow. But I have a feeling this is another fake out, right?

Team Joe got to work on their choreography with Ellie and Tia taking the lead, eventually butting heads given Ellie was trying to go creative while Tia was trying to keep it simple enough for Joe who admitted to not being able to dance. Tayce and Bimini meanwhile led the other team, not caring about Lawrence’s nerves giving them creative choreography and repeating the affirmation that Lawrence can and will get it. Though Tayce did admit it was less affirmation and potentially more of a threat.

Elimination Day arrived with Bimini and Lawrence bonding while painting their faces, talking about how difficult it was to survive throughout the pandemic. Bimini shared that she felt very insecure, knowing her career could fall over so quickly and that is something she is still processing. Lawrence shared that she is a stress eater and being stuck at home made the entire situation kind of snowball on top of her. A’Whora and Tayce were chatting about feeling like this is the first week again, not wanting to go home and to show that they’ve used the last seven months to apply the judges’ feedback.

MNEK joined Ru, Michelle and Graham on the mainstage for the RuRuVision finals with the United Kingdolls first up and yes, it was a fake-out edit with Lawrence as the girls absolutely slayed. Lawrence was perky and hilarious, A’Whora was all sex, Bimini served demented Spice Girl in the absolute best way and well Tayce was kinda, sorta the Beyonce, no? Well, until Bimini did the splits off a stool. Bananadrama had a tough act to follow but arrived full of energy, Joe was a camp delight, Sister Sister was a star, Ellie was a slutty schoolgirl and Tia was her usual wacky, delight.

On the A Day at the Seaside runway, Bimini was a glamourous, polished delight in sea blue. Tayce was stunning in nets and shells, A’Whora gave us a literally saucy bag of chips, in the best way possible while Lawrence was a glamorous buoy. Meanwhile Ellie was the sexiest seagull I’ve ever seen, no doubt flooding Plucka Duck’s basement. Tia was a sexy soft-serve, upping the runway game from the last look of filming while Sister was also a bag of chips, this time with a seagull going in for the kills. The winner of the runway however was Joe, a windswept mess covered in ice cream or bird shit.

Ultimately the United Kingdolls took out victory, handing all four queens a RuPeter badge and leaving the other group onstage to receive their critiques. The judges felt Ellie’s performance was a little bit flat, however they felt that her runway proved that she is willing to go all out and that they ultimately lived for her. Tia’s lyrics received universal praise for her lyrics and performance, though was read for still not knowing how to dress her body. This led to Ru reading her for filth and encouraging her to actually apply the critiques. Sister was praised for pushing herself in the performance, though they felt her bag of chips was the weaker of the two. Joe was read for not really being part of the group in the performance, despite it being hilarious. And then the judges lived for her runway. Though they hated on her outfit in the performance, leading to Ru going on an epic rant against the queens wearing off the rack. To quote her, “fuck H&M.” And I live.

Backstage the United Kingdolls were thrilled by their victory, congratulating each other on a job well done. Particularly A’Whora who they labelled the best bag of chips, leading to A’Whora flipping out about Sister actually copying the look in the break. The bottom queens arrived and turned the focus to Ru’s tantrum, with Joe and Tia sharing how they were read for absolute filth. Tayce quickly threw it back to the battle of the chips, leading to an epic blow up between the queens with Sister particularly hurt that her creativity was under attack.

The queens returned to the mainstage, with Ru apologising for going in on the girls and reminding them that now, more than ever, they need to seize their moment and be the stars that they are. Plus, she is still working through cabin fever. Ellie was the first to be sent to safety from her group, with Sister soon following, leaving Tia and Joe to lip sync for their life. And damn, did they redeem Don’t Leave Me This Way after Mimi’s murder, Joe perfectly leaning into her spookiness while Tia showed skin, served flips and straight up refused to be sent out of the competition after just returning, pumping that performance with all the passion she could muster, unsuccessful flips be damned.

As such, that left poor Joe Black to once again exit the competition as the first boot of another filming block.

Despite technically becoming the Francesca Hogi of Drag Race UK, Joe is an absolute icon and like Kelly Mantle and Vivacious before her, sometimes an icon just isn’t meant for a competition. Particularly if their idea of staying young is rocking some H&FuckingM. Once again, I pulled her in for a hug and reiterated how much I loved her, this time explaining that another rapid exit is both hilarious and memorable and as such, I was willing to dish out a fresh dish of Chorizjoe Blacroquettes.

Spicy, carby and oh so comforting, these are the perfect way to dull the pain of some repetitive eliminations. Plus, the world remains on fire so all we have left are easy, comforting meals to keep us afloat.

Enjoy!

Chorizjoe Blacroquettes
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
2 chorizo sausages, roughly diced
100g butter
⅔ cup flour, plus extra for dredging
1 ½ cups milk
small handful parsley, roughly chopped
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 tsp chilli flakes
2 eggs, lightly whisked
2 ¼ cups breadcrumbs
vegetable oil, to deep-fry

Method
Fry the chorizo in a medium-high pan until nice and crisp. Drain on a plate lined with paper towel and allow to cool slightly.

Place the butter in a saucepan over medium heat and melt until foamy before whisking in the flour and cooking for a couple of minutes. Remove from the heat and whisk in the milk before returning to the heat and cooking for a couple of minutes or until thickened. Fold through the chorizo, parsley, garlic and chilli, and season well with pepper. Transfer to a container and allow to cool before covering and popping in the fridge for a few hours to firm up.

When you’re ready to rock, pop the extra flour in a bowl, the egg in another and you guessed it, the breadcrumbs in a third. Using wet hands, grab 2 tablespoons of the mixture and roll into a small, fat sausage. Roll in the flour, followed by the egg and finally in the breadcrumbs before transferring to a lined baking sheet. Repeat the process until the mixture is all gone.

To cook, place about 10cm of oil in a large saucepan and once hot, fry the croquettes for a couple of minutes each side or until golden and cooked through. Repeat the process until done. Then, devouring greedily.


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Joe Black Olive Tapenade

Condiment, Dip, RuPaul's Drag Race UK, RuPaul’s Drag Race UK 2, Sauce, TV, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race UK the inaugural batch of queens well and truly knocked it out of the park, slaying the competition from start to finish. And, in my not-humble opinion, served up the best season of Drag Race since All Stars 2. Let’s just take time to remember the highlights – Scaredy Kat shat out her own head, Michelle thought The Vivienne was rocking a fake nose, much betta, the combination of Trump and Thatcher in Snatch Game, Frock Destroyers storming the charts, Sum Ting’s stamp look, Crystal grinding her garment, hodge podge, Gothy’s rawr, Cheryl’s iconic bottom spree and yes, yes, I know it was part of the Frock Destroyers, but DDC’s epic whistle tones.

While The Vivienne rightly took the crown, the entire cast won my heart. Meaning these new girls are either going to blow me away or … nope, good vibes only – they are going to blow us away. I can feel it in my Maxine Waters, by way of Monique Heart.

The parade of new queens kicked off with Scotland’s own Lawrence Chaney in all technicolour wonder, as iconic as the Loch Ness monster. She then likened herself to Susan Boyle and well, that’s enough to love her. Cherry Valentine almost knocked herself out as her headpiece smacked the doorway on her way in. Thankfully she slayed her second try and I love her and how funny she found her fuck-up. She has only done drag for 12 months and it is one of three jobs, including mental health nurse and she is the BEST. Tia Kofi was up next in cheetah glory and doesn’t care how she looks, she just wants to slay with the performances. They were joined by Bimini Bon Boulash in full Barbarella realness.

Oh and she is a vegan, which we were reminded of multiple times. Oh and she describes herself as super slutty and I love her. As did Lawrence, as she quickly adopted her.

Ginny Lemon was up next and was camp, crazy and full neon yellow and I love her and she needs to win. She is wacky, OTT and well, I think she and Baga would be best friends. Ellie Diamond was up next serving pastel pink babydoll realness, with Lawrence heartbroken to share the title of first Scottish queen in the competition. Oh and she makes everything she wears despite being a baby and I live. Could she be the UK Trixie? Sister Sister was next and flooded my basement out of drag and was camp, perfectly styled and I’m so excited for her. Tayce was next on the scene serving supermodel realness and given she lives for Cruella de Vil, I live for her like Ginny lives for her accent.

Next was Joe Black, clocking herself for being the second coming of Glenn Close before I had the chance and instantly, she has become my favourite. They were joined by Veronica Green who described herself as Goolum to glamourous and well, now she is my favourite. She is a super nerd out of drag – in a v hot way – and is stunning in and I need her to succeed at everything given she is so delightful. Next was Asttina Mandella serving tailored glamour before throwing down, telling everyone that she is the best dancer and can turn a lip sync. Rounding out the cast is A’Whora serving slutty Dorothy realness and I live for her look, despite Tia alluding to the fact that she is not well liked among the queens on the scene.

Their jubilant celebrations about making the cut were interrupted by Ru who arrived to announce that the first mini challenge of the season would see the girls pose in a glorious Wimbledon inspired photoshoot, serving Wimbled-hun realness. With the new and improved Pit Crew, much to the delight of sweet Veronica.

Lawrence was hoping to turn her lack of athletic prowess into a total serve, which she did, given her charm and penchant for the f-bomb. Tayce went full model eleganza, Bimini was a neon, slutty dream, Joe Black proved turbans are like hats by keeping hers on, Cherry Valentine was a smutty, moaning icon, Ellie Diamond begged for the balls and sold me on the fact she is Pearl and Trixie’s love child.

Ginny was an absolute bonkers delight, Asttina cared only about the photo and well, it turned out amazing, so it paid off. Veronica Green continued to work her way further into my heart and I want to adopt her because she is the damn sweetest. Sister Sister served Heathers realness, A’Whora was an ‘80s workout dream, Tia Kofi deserved the win for catching tennis balls in her wig before directing the Brit Crew to elevate her. Despite a dozen strong performances, it was Lawrence Chaney that ultimately took out victory. Looking an absolute mess, in her own words.

Before Ru departed he announced that for this week’s Maxi Challenge the queens would need to stomp the runway serving UK Gay Icon realness. Oh and then turn a second look, showcasing why they’re the queen of their hometown. With that the girls ran around chaotically to secure a workstation before de-dragging. Much to Tia’s delight. A’Whora quickly fangirled over Joe Black, talking about how much of an icon she is with Joe sharing she applied to challenge herself and show something different about her.

Meanwhile Lawrence still hadn’t taken off her make-up, admitting that she isn’t very confident as a boy and doesn’t feel conventionally beautiful and as such, was scared to show herself to the girls. Thankfully the queens reminded her that she is a charming, fun, beautiful delight and not to be hard on herself. And I love them all.

Elimination Day rolled around with everyone splitting up to get to work on their first looks before Bimini pointed out that Tayce and Asttina had both opted for Naomi Campbell for their UK Gay Icon. Though rather than having a fight, they spoke about the fact they didn’t have many people of colour to look up to growing up and as such, it is a nice statement for both of them to stick with it and hopefully become gay icons for the future generations. Talk turned to the looming elimination, with A’Whora speculating Asttina and Tia will likely be the first and damn, I love when a queen leans into being the villain. It is just such a joyful edge, so let’s hope it stays in this light and shady way.

On the Mainstage Ru, Michelle and Graham were joined by the stunning Elizabeth Hurley and urgh, I love her. For the gay icon runway, Joe Black served David Bowie realness and I loved everything she did. Asttina was glorious and stunning as runway Naomi, Ginny rocked Kate Bush and I love her before Tia Kofi swerved with an Alan Turning look and I love me a nerdy, history queen. Bimini was a sexy, punk Princess Julia, Lawrence honoured my lovely Diana Rigg – may she rest in peace – Cherry was a glorious Freddie Mercury, Veronica was adorable as Boy George in Boy George’s second hand shoes. Despite them not fitting. A’Whore was a messy Vivienne Westwould, Sister Sister was adorably chaste as Dusty Springfield, Ellie Diamond slayed as Lily Savage and Tayce also served as Naomi.

Though I do have to say, Asttina had the better look.

On the hometown runway, Joe Black’s Brighton look was meant to honour the pavilion though I couldn’t really see it. Asttina served East London streetwear – in the best way possible – while Ginny rocked Worcestershire Sauce realness in a mustard suit, Tia was stunning as Robin Hood realness, Bimini was amazing as a slutty football fan, Lawrence was a pop art wonder in ode to stained glasswork, Cherry was smoking as a train. Or a clock, I don’t know. Veronica Green wore a glorious red ball gown, A’Whora also went with Robin Hood realness in a stunning elfen number before Sister slayed as a scouse housewife running errands. And then Ellie Diamond was inspired by Dundee’s Dennis the Menace but looked like the hottest Freddy Kreuger ever, And then Tayce was literally a Welsh Dragon and I live.

Particularly when Liz Hurley quoted AUSTIN POWERS.

Ginny, Tia, Cherry, Veronica, A’Whora and Tayce were quickly deemed safe, leaving the tops and bottoms to find out how they did on their first try. While Joe Black looked stunning, the judges didn’t think that either of her looks were iconic enough to come through. Except for Liz who loves some history. Asttina received universal praise for everything she did and the judges look forward to seeing how she mixes it up next. They loved Bimini’s slutty Norwich look but felt her personality wasn’t coming through. Lawrence was universally beloved by the judges, with Michelle quickly identifying her as the one to watch. Sister’s Dusty look was deemed a little lacklustre and while Graham and Elizabeth loved her hometown look, Michelle thought it should have been bigger. Oh and then Ellie was praised for being beat to the gods and tailoring such glorious outfits.

Backstage Tayce was heartbroken to be safe, though was thrilled to not be in the bottom. A’Whora suggested that the group could have been the tops and bottoms with Tia asking who she would have put in the bottom, with her saying Tia and Asttina should have been in the bottom. Based on only entry looks, because Tia’s hair was thirsty. A’Whora read Asttina for wearing ASOS before Ginny pointed out that they’re just intimidated because she is fierce. The other girls joined them, with Joe talking about how heartbroken she is to be in the bottom and the fact they didn’t get her. The girls were shocked that Asttina was in the top, while Sister was annoyed to be in the bottom. Oh and Bimini was so anxious about lip syncing in ten inch heels, no underwear and arse out.

On the BEEEEEB.

Ultimately Lawrence Chaney was deemed safe as was Ellie Diamond, as Asttina Mandela took out victory – much to A’Whora’s shock, no doubt – while Sister Sister narrowly avoided the bottom two, leaving Joe and Bimini to battle it out to the iconic Relax by Frankie Goes to Hollywood. Both queens slayed the lip sync, getting every damn syllable and being true to their own style. But when Bimini did a headstand and started riding a bike, it was all over. As the sexy queen flooded Liz’s basement and saved herself, sending Joe from the competition.

Poor, poor Joe. While the cabaret legend was positively gutted to exit the competition first, she was thrilled to find her old pal slinking about in the Werk Room. As this little episode was filmed before the pandemic fully put 2020 on ice, I took her into my arms, held her by the face and told her how sickening she is. From about an inch away – isn’t that terrifying to think of doing now?

I first met Joe on the cabaret scene in the early aughts when I was pretending to be the real Sally Bowles. While she and everyone else saw through the very-obvious-in-retrospect lie, she kindly took me under her wing and made sure the others were kind to me. Did our friendship start with me playing the wounded bird act? You betcha, but thankfully the years since have gifted me with one of the most beautiful friendships I could hope for. And as such, I knew the only way to cheer her up was to whip up some Joe Black Olive Tapenade and toast her glorious, tragically short run.

A little bit tart and a whole lot tangy, tapenade may not be everyone’s favourite dip to have but it is a very important part of the classic Italian trio. And I personally love it and its ability to enhance even the most bland recipes. I want to say it is its umami-ness, but I’ve probs misunderstood that flavour because I’m not a masterchef.

Enjoy!

Joe Black Olive Tapenade
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
180g kalamata olives, pitted
1 tbsp capers, drained and rinsed
3 anchovy fillets (I hate them too, but they’re necessary)
2 garlic cloves, minced
½ tsp dried oregano
1 tbsp sherry vinegar
1 tbsp olive oil

Method
Now brace yourself, this one is really going to stress you out so make sure you read to the very end of the recipe before you begin.

Place everything in a food processor or blender and blitz until well combined. Serve immediately with crusty bread or transfer to a steralized jar for later.

Fin.


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