Luke Toquinoa Bowl

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2017), Main, Poultry, Side, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor, the OG Asaga were the closest alliance in the game until Michelle was left out of the Tessa blindside causing tension between Michelle and Sarah. After a glorious reward of dirty bird, Locky continued his winning streak and took out his first individual immunity. Back at camp, Michelle continued to seethe at Sarah and rallied the tribe to send the strategic model to the jury.

Given Sarah’s boot was unanimous, we returned to camp the next day where the castaways were so delirious you could be forgiven for thinking Australian Idol was rebooted. Michelle was extremely happy to have taken out Sarah and reaffirmed her desire to win, promising us and I assume herself, that she has not lasted 45 days to stumble in the final ten. She then shared that she was in a tight pair with Pete – seriously, when did that happen – and they agreed to go to the end together, plotting to join with Jericho and Luke to take control. The boys, obviously, agreed instantly, without question.

Jericho and Luke then took a turn to the shore to confirm that they will join with Michelle and Pete, though completely believe that they will win out in the end. Locky, Ziggy and Tara however were not to be outdone, seeing that the other four were planning to work together they vowed to join together to try and get further. Sadly Locky’s assertive planning – which was the right idea – irked Tara and she realised that getting rid of Locky is probably in her best interests. Which would piss me off a lot more if he’d been nude since episode 2 (oh to be Mark in this picture!).

After a brief winner-esque scene from Luke about his life back at home and – ugh, obviously – being the king, Locky was feeling down at camp and tried to assure Tara and Ziggy that sticking together was their best chance. Tara then wandered down the beach to think and find allies to take out my babetown when she stumbled upon a moral dilemma, to take two quilts for the comfort of the tribe or a huge ass lolly stash for herself. She then suggested using them to pull people in and I think it has triggered my Jericho-the-cookie-monster six episode arc PTSD.

While on her sugar high, she stumbled upon the aforementioned cookie monster and Luke and got them onboard to take out Locky. She then approached Ziggy about aligning with her, Jericho and Luke to take out Locky, before showing her said lollies to try and secure her loyalty. Thankfully their lolly scene was far less insufferable than Jericho’s epic saga.

Tara then told us that the only thing she needs to worry about, is Locky winning immunity … which is apparently like saying bloody Mary in the mirror three times. Jonathan appeared as summoned for the immunity challenge which is essentially a more complex musical chairs slash memory hybrid where the tribe mates had to collect covered items, with one person eliminated each round until someone takes out immunity. Tara was first out, followed by Pete, Jericho, Ziggy and Michelle, leaving Locky and Luke to battle it out for immunity. JoJo changed it up, requiring the boys to each find five items in order. Locky got out to an early lead, securing two before Luke was on the board. Despite a valiant effort to catch up, Locky powered ahead and secured his second immunity, much to the chagrin of literally everyone.

Everyone was quick to congratulate Locky when they arrived back at camp, despite how furious they were. Tara decided on an as yet undecided Plan B, taking Ziggy into the jungle to figure it out. They decided that strength was needed to beat Locky in challenges, so kind of committed to getting rid of Michelle, I guess. Ziggy approached Luke to raise the idea, which he agreed to instantly, which is oft the way.

Tara and Luke approached Locky to get rid of Michelle, however he thought it was pointless to get rid of Michelle and instead they should get rid of Luke and make a big move in front of the jury. While Ziggy was quick to jump onboard with the plans, Tara wasn’t convinced as Locky went on his merry way to convince Pete to trust him. While that was happening? Oh, Tara went and told Luke their plans which lead Luke, Jericho and Michelle to get rid of Ziggy instead. Jericho then told Pete the Ziggy plan, leading him to discuss who is the better option – Luke or Ziggy – with Michelle.

At tribal council Ziggy announced that everyone was scrambling – which shouldn’t come as a shock except for the fact everyone pretends they don’t – before Pete mentioned that despite desperately wanting immunity, people winning multiple immunities is dangerous and they need to be taken out ASAP. This made Ziggy extremely nervous, though kind of seemed defeated. Michelle, Jericho and Luke all spoke extremely cryptically before Pete and Michelle started whispering about who they should target. While Pete wanted to take out Luke, it seemed like she wanted him to stay leaving me more confused than I was about Jericho’s driving talk … which was more confusing about yesterday’s kitten story. Obviously death was the end result, though.

The votes rolled in and despite her best efforts, Pete got his way and Luke was sent packing to my hot-and-cold embrace at the jury villa. While I have been kind of harsh about Luke – and then extremely supportive in the next breath – we are the dearest of friends, having met while I was working in the mines. I was obviously there to research for the lead role in my upcoming remake of the Coal Miner’s Daughter, so had little interest in doing any work. I noticed Luke’s mammoth work ethic, hitched myself to his wagons and survived as long as I could before they caught me out.

Given his kindness, I repaid him each night the only way I know how – well, one of only two ways I know how – by making him a big, fat Luke Toquinoa Bowl.

 

 

Don’t let the ugliness of my photos fool you – quinoa and I are not a dream team, ok – this meal is delicious. Spicy, fresh and packing a whole lot of heat, the quinoa and veggies almost cancel out the sour cream and dickloads of cheese. Almost.

Enjoy!

 

 

Luke Toquinoa Bowl
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
1 cup white quinoa
salt and pepper, to taste
1 large sweet potato, peeled and diced
olive oil
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp chilli powder
½ tsp ground coriander seeds
500g chicken breasts, diced
200g canned chipotle chillis in adobo sauce, blitzed
400g can crushed tomatoes
400g can black beans
1 cup corn kernels
avocados
1 lemon, juiced
2 shallots, finely sliced
6-12 tortillas, depending on the size of your bowl
1 punnet cherry tomatoes, quartered
2 cups iceberg lettuce, shredded
1 cup cheddar cheese, grated
sour cream, sriracha and coriander, to serve

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Rinse the quinoa under cold water until it runs clear. Transfer into a pan and add two cups of water and a generous pinch of salt. Place over medium heat and bring to the boil. Once rollicking like a night out with Lukey, reduce heat and simmer for 15 minutes or until just tender. Drain off any excess liquid and fluff with a fork like you would cous cous.

While the quinoa is getting plump, chuck the sweet potato on a lined baking sheet with a lug of olive oil, the cumin, chilli, coriander seeds and a good whack of salt and pepper, tossing to coat. Place it in the oven and bake for twenty minutes, or until golden and crisp.

After that, heat a lug of oil in a large pan over medium heat and brown the chicken breast. Once almost cooked, add the chipotles, tomatoes, black beans and corn and simmer until completely cooked through.

Now for the last semi-difficult bits, mash the avocadoes with the lemon juice and shallots. Press the tortillas into Texan muffin tins or the serving bowls, brush with some olive oil and place under a hot grill for a couple of minutes to crisp.

To serve, put some quinoa in the bottom of the bowl – I mixed it in with the chipotle chicken because I was drunk cooking, thus it looking like a turd – top with some chicken, spiced sweet potato, guacamole, fresh tomatoes, lettuce, cheese, sour cream, sriracha and coriander.

Then devour, smugly, knowing the quinoa makes it healthy. Right?

 

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Pake Bowl

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2017), Main, Side, Snack, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor, Ben and Henry were warmly welcomed after opting to swap to Samatau. Well Henry was liked, making him a threat while poor Ben continued to be a non-entity. At the reward challenge, Asaga came from behind to win a trip to the Survivor ice cream parlour where Anneliese found a clue for an idol. Sadly for her, it was hidden at the next immunity challenge. Luckily, kinda, Asaga completely bombed the challenge allowing her to snatch the idol while feigning heartache while Henry slipped Jericho an idol clue which I assumed is dead. After a heated tribal council between Michelle and Kent, my speedo loving god couldn’t sway anyone over to his side and found himself exiting the game.

Asaga returned from tribal council where Luke was feeling very confident about how things played out, while Odette was feeling mega-shitty … only exacerbated by their lack of fire at camp. While she put herself to bed, Michelle dropped by and saw Luke’s confidence and raised him with arrogance.

Things were looking up the next day when Luke tried to outdo Locky by catching not one, but two sharks. Speaking of Locky, he and his Samatau tribe mates were struggling without fire or a flint to make one. While he, Ben and Tessa tried to get a fire going, ol’ arrogant AK continued to lay back and do nothing to try and bait Locky into snapping at him to further isolate him from his tribe mates.

Back at Asaga, Luke noticed his mate Jericho running off down the beach to find the idol that Henry and Jacqui found episodes ago, thanks to the clue Henry handed him at the last immunity challenge. Please, please, PLEASE – tell me they hid a fucking stick in the tree. Meanwhile at Samatau, Henry was reclining – literally like a healthy, friendly AK – in the hammock where he filled us in that yes he gave Jericho a dead clue to try and woo him back to his side come the merge.

Odette returned to our screen to finally let us know who she is. Given the fact Henry’s plan to switch has left her without any allies, she was feeling extremely sorry for herself and missing her son back at home. Right on queue, she and Luke arrived at treemail to discover that they all got gifts from home to celebrate making it to day 25. Luke was likeable, Odette’s story broke my heart, Ben got a Thomas the tank engine, Locky got me hot by getting a jersey that inspired some NFL fantasies before Henry brought the house down by getting a necklace from his mum who died six weeks before the game began. I’M NOT CRYING, YOU’RE CRYING.

Also … I know I talk about Locky a lot, but Henry is hella bangin’.

Wanting to quell my thirst, JLP finally made an appearance for the next immunity challenge where Henry discovered he lost another ally. Not wanting to dwell on his loss, Samatau arrived with every reward they had won thus far to barter for a flint. The challenge required three people to jump off a platform to collect keys to unlock a chest of puzzle pieces. Two people then had to build the puzzle before the remaining two knock it down with some bag. But turns out, it isn’t for immunity but for the winning tribe to attend tribal council where they will vote for someone to get the chance to snag a massive reward. Aka the super idol – thanks ads!

Samatau got out to a huge lead thanks to Ziggy’s experience in the olympic pool and Michelle’s general ineptitude. Despite that, AK completely choked the puzzle portion, allowing Asaga to take the lead … then Jericho and Tara struggled to knock pieces off allowing Samatau to close the gap and Ben – BEN – to secure victory for the tribe. That my friends, was a nail biting challenge.

Back at camp Samatau were feeling good about their win and to find a flint attached to a pot. Despite it feeling like they wouldn’t actually snag fire, Locky eventually got the fire going allowing them to eat some rice and switch their brains back on as they commenced scrambling to figure out a) how tribal council can be a win, b) what said win could mean and c) how they convince people to vote for them to get the reward.

AK, obviously, was annoyed when people tried to suggest themselves for the prize, despite also trying to convince people to give him the reward. I mean, it may be my boner talking, but Locky’s logic that if it is a tribal reward, they’re better off voting for the strongest guy there to snatch it for them.  I mean, at least he’s trying to appear altruistic?

Putting us out of our misery, they arrived at tribal where JoJo continued to be very vague about the details of the reward. The tribe tried to get information as to what the “ultimate reward” could be, and how it would benefit them and/or the tribe. All they did get is that the person would not be returning to camp with them that night, though they would still be a member of the tribe.

After a lot of passive aggressive back-and-forth with AK and his alliance trying to put Locky down, while Locky tried to fight for himself as the best person to secure victory for the tribe – and I truly believe that is what he thinks it will be – they deemed Ziggy to be the best all-rounder / trustworthy enough to send. The tribe then filed out of tribal council, leaving Ziggy to be handed a map to the mangroves where she learnt that a super idol – as predicted by Ben – was hidden amongst the trees and she had until sunrise to find it. Despite what Ben thought that meant, the idol split in two allowing one half to cancel out a hidden immunity idol at tribal, while the second half could be played as normal. She meandered all over the swamp for close to five hours before finally laying eyes on the super idol, leaving her with the dilemma of what to do next.

Zigs awoke on a pedestal near the swamp to find a bountiful breakfast while she pawed the super idol. With that, came a great deal of confidence bordering on arrogance begging the question, is it actually the start of a winner’s edit or the beginning of her downfall. She then returned to Samatau with the dilemma of trying to decide what to share with her tribe mates. She then told everyone a very confusing story to cover up what her advantage was, which became so convoluted I almost started to believe it. As did Jarrad and Tessa. Locky then threw some hella shade, which was glorious, while AK was not buying anything she was selling.

Over at Asaga Tara was feeling proud to have made it beyond the halfway point of the game. She then reminded everyone that she harbours will will towards Samatau, none more so than AK. Luke then spoke about being the king of the jungle and made me wish for his downfall as quickly as possible.

Hopefully in a prophetic manner, JLP arrived to lord over the next reward challenge … but wait a minute, everyone is dropping their buffs and switching up the tribes. JoJo meandered around the tribes offering up platters of concealed buffs for them to select their news tribes. AK and Peter ended up switching to new Asaga, with the former’s nemesis Tara while new-Samatau welcomed Anneliese back, this time with Michelle. AK tried to downplay the magnitude of shit he just walked into, before Jonathan introduced the actually reward challenge, where each tribe would select one person at a time to battle balancing an idol on a paddle … for a taste of home and everything Samatau gave up for flint.

Ziggy and Tara were first to face off, with Ziggy grabbing Tara’s tit on the way to victory. Sarah easily defeated Anneliese, a sadly clothed Locky was bested by AK, Henry took out Odette, Luke took out Jarrad, Pete destroyed Ben and Michelle, obviously, was bested by Jericho. Once again, Ziggy beat Tara, Anneliese even things up with Sarah, Locky got one up on AK, , Henry – again – took out Odette before Luke tied things up over Jarrad. Match point came down to Pete and Ben, with Pete, obviously, taking out victory for new Asaga.

Despite being gutted by the loss, Locky – being the babe that he is – was seeing the bright side with AK now screwed on the new tribe and hopefully about to be kicked to the kerb by Ta-tas. On that note, AK and Pete arrived at their new tribe where AK was shitting himself … though hoping to turn things around on Tara. While they devoured their favourite treats AK was trying to work overtime making friends … and then tried to show he had a heart by talking about his girlfriend, proving to Tara that her feelings towards him were more than founded.

Over at new Samatau, Locky was feeling great to no longer have to deal with AK. On the flipside, Anneliese was feeling uneasy to be back with the jerks that voted her off a few days ago. Michelle was also hating life, given the fact she went from top to bottom – it’s called vers, babes – though she quickly got to work connecting with people and gossiping, knowing Ziggy’s friend Jono outside of the game. That obviously annoyed Locky, who missed the sound of silence, who tried to pull numbers to take her out ASAP.

Back at Asaga 3.0 AK continued his faux-charm offensive, emphasis on offensive, playing hard to try and save himself. He and Pete then went for a walk to discuss how best to save themselves, agreeing that Sarah and Odette were their best chances for survival. Thankfully Odette emerged as a queen, dismissing his attempted sweet-talking before Sarah too, didn’t see through his bullshit. That being said, Tara was watching it like a hawk leading her to approach Luke and Jericho to assure their allegiance slash get her revenge. Luke however had very little sympathy, thinking the entire thing is hilarious … leading him to approach AK to form an all boys alliance to take out Tara. Which he was obviously faking about, making him fractionally more likeable.

That obviously lead into the immunity challenge which Samatau are obviously winning given all the focus has been on Asaga. AK continued to sound confident ahead of the challenge, which involved one man and woman to hold a barrel, while the other tribe tried to fill it with water to make them drop it. Locky and Ziggy were in charge of the barrels at Samatau, while nemeses Tara and AK had to carry Asaga. Asaga focussed on taking out Locky, making him glisten in the sea water before AK became the first to drop out of the challenge, leaving a half-full barrel for Tara to hold while Ziggy was still empty. Out of nowhere, Henry threw a huge bucket of water into Tara’s barrel, handing Samatau immunity – shock – and sending AK and Tara to tribal for their latest showdown.

Back at camp Tara confirmed that once again, she would be voting for AK, which annoyed the shit of AK who feels he is entitled to outlast her. He and Luke went for a walk, with Luke lying that Tara was annoying him and she wanted her out next. Luke then approached Sarah to tell her that the plan is still to get rid of AK. Everyone started to get quite confident about the plan to blindside AK, making me anxious given that there is half an hour left in the episode.

Almost like I manifested it, AK started to feel concerned about Luke and Tara tending the fire together leading to AK and Pete meeting up by the well to try and come up with a safety plan, which lead them to Sarah. While Sarah knows that he is a snake, she rightly pointed out that she needs to stick with bottom-feeders and humour AK that she was willing to flip to the old Samatauns to take out Tara. He then approached Odette to firm up numbers, with her simply gloating about being the swing vote. While it seemed like she was kicking him while he was down, I do have a sinking feeling that AK and Luke are both about to survive tribal.

JoJo quickly got to work zeroing in on the ‘AK is fucked and is feuding with Tara narrative,’ with the feuders walking us through the brief history of their drama. Luke then brought up the fact that they are low on strength and need to focus on keeping people that can win challenges, spooking Tara that she may actually lose the battle. Odette then mentioned that she was starting to question what she was doing tonight, making AK equally as nervous. After everyone mentioned that they were now quite confused about how the votes would go down, said votes went down and AK became the tenth person voted out of the game.

As much as I’ve verbalised my rage for AK, we used to be dear friends … until he refused to fly himself to New York to DJ my wedding at his own expense. Despite the fact that that is clearly disgusting behaviour on his part, I decided to take the high road and whip him up a comforting Pake Bowl.

 

 

Spicy and fresh, this is the perfect dish to work through the pain of a brutal, swap-fucked blindside. And, obviously, rub in the pain a little … we all know I’m not nice enough to just kindly whip up a comfort meal for a frenemy.

Enjoy!

 

 

Pake Bowl
Serves: 2-4.

Ingredients
300g firm tofu, cut into 2cm dice
1 tbsp sesame oil, plus extra for frying
2 tbsp gochujang
200g udon noodles
1 capsicum, thinly sliced
2 bok choy, halved
250g mushrooms, sliced
4 shallots, sliced
2 tbsp tamari
1 tsp honey
1 tbsp sesame seeds

Method
Preheat oven to 160°C.

Combine the tofu, sesame oil and gochujang in a bowl and toss to cover. Spread the tofu over a lined baking sheet – leaving the sauce in the bowl – and place in the oven for fifteen minutes, or until crisp.

While the tofu is in the oven, cook the noodles as per packet instructions.

Get three skillets on the flame over medium heat with a lug of sesame oil. Place the bok choy, cut side down, in one pan, and cook for a couple of minutes each side. In pan two, add the capsicum and toss them for a couple of minutes, or until bright, fragrant and cooked. Then, in pan three, add the mushrooms and cook until softened. Add the white of the shallots, tamari and honey and cook for a further minute. Add the sesame seeds and then cook for a further, further minute.

Drain the noodles and toss them through the saucy bowl.

To serve, place some noodles in a bowl and add each element on top, finishing with the fresh greens of the shallots and let it get fresh with you. Ak … a devour it.

 

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