Pasta

Calebonara Reynolds

Main, Pasta, Survivor: Kaôh Rōng

There are a lot of things I love about Jeff Probst, outside of his insane beauty. His number one though, has to be his ability to make all statements smutty (that makes me lust after him even more) … even when half the cast are dying around him.

Much as been mentioned online (read: reddit) about what could Kaoh Rong this season and this is where Cambodia hit back and answered.

After a brief stint of Obama being sad, we went straight into the reward challenge where Probst focused on finding balls and sticking things into holes before the drama hit.

Debbie was first to fall thanks to the blistering heat but as biological cooling mechanic is one of her past jobs, she was fine. As she was recovering, Cydney and and my dear friend and rumoured (started by me) lover Caleb Reynolds went down in quick succession, with the later sadly being taken out by Survivor’s version of the Red Wedding.

It was fucking scary but who hasn’t almost died just to earn a cup of coffee, amirite Gilmore Girls?

I first met Caleb while he was on a tour of duty, where I was doing a sexy version of the USO Show. Despite what surfaced during his appearance on Big Brother, Caleb has been nothing but supportive of my aggressive homosexuality the entire time we’ve been friends.

Make no mistakes, Caleb was in a very bad way when he was taken out of the game but thankfully I was on hand to look after him and nurse him back to health, with some Tai-style stolen kisses and a big bowl of my Calebonara Reynolds.

 

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Pasta is the ultimate comfort food, particularly with a delicate carbonara sauce and a good whack of parmesan cheese. But why have delicate and good, when you can add lemon and parsley to take it to the next level?

Exactly … and I mean, Caleb is back to full health, so yeah, case in point. It works. Enjoy!

 

calebonara-reynolds-2

 

Calebonara Reynolds
Serves: 2 greedily, 4 appropriately.

Ingredients
150g pancetta, diced
sea salt
freshly ground black pepper
455g dried linguine
4 large free-range egg yolks, preferably from Tai’s remaining chickens
100ml double cream
50g Parmesan cheese, freshly grated
1 lemon, zested
1 sprig fresh flat-leaf parsley, chopped
extra virgin olive oil

Method
Heat a lug of olive oil in large frying pan, add the pancetta and fry for a couple of minutes, until golden and crispy.

In the meantime, bring a large pot of salted water to the boil and cook the pasta to packet instructions. I know, I know, I should have made the pasta but it is a labour of love and I didn’t have time given I was nursing someone to health in Cambodia!

When the pasta is cooking, whisk together the egg yolks, cream, Parmesan, the lemon zest and parsley in a large bowl. When the pasta is ready, drain it and reserve a little of the cooking water. Place the pasta back in the pan (off the heat) and quickly stir through the egg mixture. Once it has delicately cooked, add the pancetta and toss everything together.

The goal is for the sauce to cook delicately, but if it ends up claggy, or say scrambled, add a few spoonfuls of the reserved cooking water to loosen it slightly.

Serve and sprinkle over / coat with a thick layer of parmesan and devour, happily … and healthily.

 

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Rebecca De Chicken Mornay

Main, Pasta

As you’ve heard us rant many a time, working with Tom Cruise is the absolute worst but as our friend Ralph (may have) said, “when it is dark enough, you can see the stars,” and boy did we ever when first meeting the delightful Bec!

While she wasn’t a star back then, our friendship shone brightly and filled our lives with so much joy during such a dark time. After successfully working through our feelings thanks to our Survivors of Tom Cruise support group slash tactical revenge cult, Annelie got her first taste of momagering with Bec and lead to her casting in the classic A Trip to Bountiful.

We were briefly able to share the spotlight, attending the Oscars with Bec, partying at the Chateau, before Annelie gave me the opportunity to co-momager Bec, when our addictions got the better of us and she ended up ruined by the forgettable 1987 live action version of Beauty and the Beast.

This led to a brief feud between us and Bec, before she graciously forgave us during a family visit to Promises while we were in rehab. She desperately wanted to help us with our comeback and, thankfully, we were able to get her back on the A-List with a role in The Hand That Rocks the Cradle (I slept with Curtis Hanson while in rehab, I don’t know who he was meant to be visiting).

Bec was in town for the AGM and wanted something comforting and warm, like our beautiful decades-long friendship (that even survived her appearance in American Reunion against our advice) – obviously that meant a giant vat of Rebecca De Chicken Mornay.

 

Rebecca De Chicken Mornay_1

 

While the kitsch, 80s classic is generally made with tuna, we all find that filthy fish disgusting (tuna is to Tom, what the gerbil is to Richard Gere – don’t ask) so opt for chicken instead. Plus, tuna is the chicken of the sea anyway, right?

Enjoy!

 

Rebecca De Chicken Mornay_2

 

Rebecca De Chicken Mornay
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
2 chicken breasts, diced
olive oil
500g macaroni
100g butter
1 cup corn kernels
2 medium carrots, diced small
2 onions, diced
½ cup plain flour
4 cups milk
4 tablespoons Dijon mustard
2 cups grated tasty cheese
salt and pepper, to taste
parmesan, to top
fresh chives, finely sliced

Method
Put a large pot of water on to boil and preheat the oven to 180°C.

While they are coming to temperature heat a large pan over medium heat, add a lug of olive oil and cook the chicken until browned.

Once the water has come to the boil, add the macaroni and cook to packet instructions. Drain.

In a large saucepan over medium heat, melt the butter and saute the corn, carrot and onion, until the carrots are soft. Add the flour and stir until the vegetables are coated.

Add the milk half a cup at a time, stirring after each addition until the sauce starts to thicken, repeating until it is all gone. Cook for a further minute before stirring in the mustard, grated cheese, chicken and pasta, stirring until the cheese has melted. Season to taste.

Place into a large baking tray and top with a scattering of parmesan and bake for 25 minutes or until golden.  Top with snipped chives and devour.

 

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Dolognese Parton

Main, Pasta

Sweet, sweet Dolly – just thinking back on our time together makes me want to cry tears of joy and thanks for having her in our lives.

If elections were held for Grand Master of the Universe today (and let’s be honest, they should be), Dolly would win by a landslide. I mean, yes Betty White would put in a good effort, but you’ve gotta back Dolly.

We first met Dolly while travelling across America; the trip went on to inspire Mark Twain to write The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and we met Dolly after fleeing a vicious lover’s quarrel with our now second favourite Twain.

Dolly embraced us with open arms and our beautiful friendship blossomed, which over time developed into a creative collaborative similar to JGL’s empire just about half a century earlier and our story boarding was hung, literally, on the (washing) line.

Not meaning to gloat, but we were heavily involved in the following hits: 9 to 5 (actually about lowering your standards), Jolene (a mutual nemesis), I Will Always Love You (obvs), Potential New Boyfriend (I was trying to convince her I could go straight), Baby I’m Burning (about a horrific STD incident), Applejack (it took Dolly a long time to clean that up from the filth I wrote. He didn’t pluck the banjo, that is for sure) and Why’d You Come In Here Lookin’ Like That (originally written as lickin’ my twat), to name but a few.

Despite our myriad of shared successes, our friendship is the shining star with Annelie and I by her side when she married Carl, there when Billy Ray asked he to be little Destiny Hope Ray Hannah Montana’s godmother and played an integral part in the inception of Dollywood.

As soon as we saw Dolly arrive, our hearts were filled with unending joy as she serenaded her way up the path to congratulate Annelie for getting into Medicine singing Dumb Blonde (oh yeah we have news, Annelie is going to be a Doctor).

Dolly was like a proud mother as we regaled her with tales of what we’ve been up to (aside from planning a Dolly tattoo, that pride in me was misplaced) and plotted how we could spend more time with each other.

Given that Dolly is the greatest person to ever exist and she fills us with happiness and warmth, the only thing that could do her any justice was a nice big pot of Dolognese Parton.

 

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There is nothing quite like a freshly made batch of bolognese, to make you feel happy and content. Given Dolly is a total firecracker and we have a penchant for liquefying our innards, we add a good whack of chilli to the bolognese, a real good whack, and it is all the better for it.

Enjoy!

 

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Dolognese Parton
Serves: 6-8. Or 3, with plenty of leftovers.

Ingredients
olive oil
2 onions, diced
2 stalks celery, finely sliced
1 large carrot, finely sliced
3-4 cloves garlic, crushed
1kg mince, ideally 50:50 beef and pork, but go with whatever you prefer
handful mushrooms, sliced
1 glass red wine
1 tbsp dried chilli, or a couple of small chillis finely sliced or a tbsp hot sauce (go with what you prefer, we add more)
3 x 400g cans of chopped tomatoes
2 tbsp tomato paste
1 tbsp dried basil
1 tbsp dried oregano
a bunch spinach, washed
spaghetti, to serve
freshly grated parmesan, to serve

Method
Heat a good lug (are we Jamie Oliver) of olive oil in a large pan or dutch oven. Go with the biggest thing you’ve got. Cook the onion, celery, carrot and garlic over medium heat for about five minutes, or until starting to tender. Add the mince and brown while breaking up with the wooden spoon.

Once the meat is brown, drain off some of the fat. Not all of it obviously, but depending on the quality of the meat you may have a ridiculous amount. Use your judgement?

Return to the pan and mix through the mushrooms until they have started to soften, it shouldn’t take longer than a couple of minutes. Add as generous a glass of red wine as your drinking will permit and cook off for a minute, before adding the chilli, canned tomatoes, tomato paste and dried herbs. Stir to combine and bring to a simmer.

Reduce heat to low and simmer half-covered for 30-45 minutes, stirring occasionally.

While the dolognese is simmer, cook spaghetti (or whatever pasta you prefer) to packet instructions. I know we should be making our own pasta, but sometimes I just can’t be bothered.

When the sauce is done, stir through the bunch of spinach to wilt and remove from the heat.

Serve dolognese on a generous bed of pasta (I don’t mix it through the sauce so I can use the leftovers for other meals) and cover liberally, a bit too liberally, with parmesan. Herby garlic bread is also a good idea.

This makes a ridiculous amount so unless you’re feeding a large family or have had a particularly rough week and wine just isn’t cutting it, you will have to freeze the leftovers for another meal. Or for jaffles. Or actually, I’ve got an idea …

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.