Composer

Elton Johnnycakes

Breakfast, Grammy Gold, Grammy Gold: Golden Little Pill, Snack

I know what you’re thinking – did hell freeze over? While technically, the answer is no (as far as we can tell), both Elts and I felt that with Trump’s election, the impossible and stupid is now possible and so our feuding should come to an end.

Despite my pledge to always be his staunchest of rivals.

We started a renewed correspondence back in mid-December to throw shade at the vile pig that was elected as the President of the United States. After a few weeks of back and forth rage, we realised that despite our tumultuous past it was time to unite for the greater good of the world – it is amazing what a mutual enemy does for one’s friendships!

(Yes, I’m now going for a Nobel Peace Prize too – FYI … in lieu of the Oscar he made me lose in the ‘90s).

Wanting to sort out our issues before we both changed our mind – and given the fact he has his own Oscars celebration – I decided to mark our renewed friendship by including him in our Grammy Gold celebrations, rather than wait (or rub salt in the wounds) for Oscar Gold.

While it was obviously, extremely awkward for a good twenty minutes or so as we both circled each other hurling back-handed compliments, until I softened and mentioned his spawn, softening his heart and allowing us to truly connect like in the good old days.

Well, almost – he hadn’t had a post-flight colonic. Which reminds me, he obvs wrote Benny and the Jets about me during happier times.

Not to let that dampen the mood, I quickly whipped up a batch of my Elton Johnnycakes – for the first time post feud – which was our go to post-coitus (or colonic) snack.

 

elton-johnnycakes-1

 

Pancakes are good and all, but how can you go past a option that is thicker, juicer and packed full of a different flavour. Gah – I think I missed Elts in our time apart, don’t tell anyone.

Enjoy!

 

elton-johnnycakes-2

 

Elton Johnnycakes
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
150g polenta
100g flour
1 tbsp baking powder
1 tbsp raw caster sugar
pinch of salt
2 eggs
300ml milk
30g butter, melted

Method
Combine the dry ingredients in a large bowl and whisk together the milk and eggs in a jug. Stirring constantly, whisk the wet ingredients into the dry until some and combined. Finally, whisk in the butter.

Meanwhile heat a skillet over medium heat. Melt a small lug of butter and when foamy, add in a ¼ cup of batter into the pan. After a minute or so, flip over the cake and cook for a further minute. Transfer to a plate.

Repeat until done and devour in bed, alone or with a dear friend (in the ‘70s obvs, not now).

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Chicken Cacciatori Amos

Main, Poultry

It was such a treat to have Tori drop by – I forgot how deep a connection we share and how robust the conversation is between us.

I first connect with Tori in the mid/late 70s while (I was) turning tricks in the cubicle of a Maryland gay bar.  Torz was working at the club as a singer – under the watchful eye of her father who sadly had no interest in my advances – and was drawn to my creative albeit debauched spirit.

While most Pastors would advise against their children befriending vagrant, attempted hookers Mr. A knew that I was a good guy deep down and supported what has become a four decade friendship.

Obviously there was a period of estrangement, after I lashed out at her for not properly thanking me for helping her rework her breakthrough album Little Earthquakes but thankfully we were able to work through the ish pretty quickly and I continued to be her closest confidante.

I hadn’t seen Torz since getting kicked out of her orchestra concert at the Opera House in 2014 – apparently the skin flute isn’t an instrument that establishment likes you to play to an audience – so I was paranoid she may have been annoyed at me.

Thankfully she wasn’t and we quickly got down to catching up and working on music for her next album. I mean, I am her muse after all, so she couldn’t pass up that opportunity.

But anyway, you know that one of the main reasons she travelled over those 1000 Oceans was to try the flavor sensation that is my Chicken Cacciatori Amos. Which obviously is her favourite meal.

 

chicken-cacciatori-amos-1

 

The catch to a good cacc is all in the simmer. Like me in a feud, you want the chicken to sit and stew in its rage until it either boils over in a mess/tabloids dream or softens up and falls off the bone. The meat obviously, you know I wouldn’t fall off.

Enjoy!

 

chicken-cacciatori-amos-2

 

Chicken Cacciatori Amos
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
2 kg chicken drumsticks and thighs (with bones in … you know I love that)
2 tbsp flour
1 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, chopped
3 garlic cloves, crushed
2 celery sticks, chopped
2 carrots, peeled, chopped
150g pancetta, diced
125g button mushrooms, sliced
100ml white wine
2 x 400g cans diced tomatoes
150ml chicken stock
⅓ cup kalamata olives, pitted
2 bay leaves
2 sprigs fresh rosemary

Method
Dust chicken with flour, heat a lug of oil in a casserole dish – le creuset, obviously – on high and fry the chicken for a couple of minutes each side, in batches. Remove and set aside.

Reduce the heat and sweat the onion, garlic, celery, carrot and pancetta until soft, sweet and the pancetta rendered – a couple of minutes should suffice. Return chicken to the pan and add the mushrooms and wine. Bring to boil and reduce heat to simmer for a couple of minutes, or until the wine has almost evaporated.

Add bay leaves, rosemary, tomatoes and a tin full of water, cover and simmer for 25-30 minutes, or until cooked through. Stir through the olives and devour with a shit tonne of mash.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Catching a sneeze (but not pinning it down)

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

After catching up with Pats last week, I got to thinking about my musical friendships. Add Hillary’s nomination becoming official and I got nostalgic about all of my friendships with empowering women.

With that, I got Tori Amos on the phone to see if she was keen to catch up.

Obviously, she said yes.

What do I make other than cornflakes, for my girl?

Picture source: Andy Sheppard/Redferns.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Quincy Jones Paste

Condiment, Dip, Snack

Let me get it out of the way straight away, ironically; dear, beautiful Quincy is the one that first awakened my sexuality in the 60s. So yes, you could say that Quincy made me mincey.

Digressed? I’ve done it.

I first connected with Quincy in ‘64 when I was trying to get signed as a swing superstar, without realising it was a musical style. At the time, Q (obvs, I call him Q), was the vice-president of Mercury Records and despite not being interested in my offer to swing, say a different talent with my mouth/throat combo and hired me to sing vocals on his compositions.

My stunning vocal stylings lead to him taking the leap into the film industry. Say what you will about giving talentless people attention, but he fuelled me to become a triple threat and despite his eventually diagnosis with tone deafness leading to the realisation that I was utter crap, it did lead to the birth of his majesty.

You’re welcome. Also, I think that doctor was a quack because, well, what did it even take to be a doctor in the 60s? I assume cigars, scotch and stethoscopes, but I’ve digressed. Either way, I have talent and the doctor obviously lied.

After a successful two decades as his muse, Q and I lost touch as I discovered cocaine in the 80s and commence my priz and rehab period. It wasn’t until I was working the casting department of this timeline’s Park and Recreation and I noticed a young Rashida Jones, who I hadn’t seen since she was knee high to a pig’s eye, and I reached back out to connect with her father. Obviously we’ve been going strong ever since.

Q is such a sweety and given the soulful sound of his music and creative nature of our friendship, we like to get together for a few wines while discussing jazz, the industry and scat. Not that scat, obviously. As you would no doubt be aware, wine calls for snacks and nothing is the soul to wine’s bossa nova quite like some cheese with my Quincy Jones paste.

 

quincy-jones-paste-1

 

Maggie Beer’s quince paste has long held the mantle for greatest paste I’ve eaten (Clag being ineligible in this fantasy challenge), but no offense Mags this is better.

Now I am not saying I’m the second coming of Maggie Beer, per say, however it is hard to go past a fresh paste, you know?

And I am the second coming of Maggie Beer – enjoy!

 

quincy-jones-paste-2

 

Quincy Jones Paste
Makes: Enough for a stack of cheese plates? Say, 12-16 servings.

Ingredients
2 quinces, cored, coarsely chopped (leave the skin on … f-loads of pectin, yo)
raw caster sugar

Method
Place the quince in a large saucepan, cover with water and bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce heat to low and simmer, covered, for 30 minutes and delightfully tender.

If it is not delightful, keep going until it is.

Place the soft quince in a food processor/blender/a jug and stick blender combo and blitz until smooth and glorious. I mean really blitz the absolute shit out of it, ok?

Measure out how much puree you’ve got and combine that in a saucepan with an equal amount of raw caster sugar. Place over very low heat and cook, stirring occasionally for 3 hours. In that time, science will create wonders and it will turn ruby red, thicken and be all around stunning. At that point, set aside for 15 minutes to cool.

Combine quince and sugar in a large, clean heavy-based saucepan. Place on a simmer mat over low heat and cook, stirring, for 5 minutes or until sugar dissolves. Reduce heat to very low and cook, stirring occasionally, for 3 1/2 hours or until mixture is ruby red, thick and leaves the side of pan. Set aside for 15 minutes to cool.

Meanwhile, line some ramekins or a square baking dish (depending on how much you end up with, the depth of the set paste etc. Just go nuts) with cling. Pour quince mixture into whatever dish you select and smooth the top. Cover directly on top with cling and set aside for 6 hours or until set.

When set, carve what you want and place it on a serving dish with copious amounts of cheese and crackers.

The rest can be stored in an air-tight container in the fridge. How long, I don’t know. I downed mine in under two weeks … and hope to get a spot on the next Biggest Loser season.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.