Massamanda Peet Curry

Main, Poultry

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but for the second week running I’ve put an end to one of my most vicious and longest running feuds with Amanda Peet. I also can’t believe I’m saying this, but it turns out Mandy never actually did anything wrong and we’ve been feuding for five decades for no reason.

Well actually, not even five decades. Just the one.

You see, our feud started in 1966 after I was Harvey Weinstein-ed out of our joint company, Peet’s coffee after we time travelled back to build our empire. Only it never actually happened and *gasp* Peet’s Coffee has absolutely nothing to do with Mandy or I.

While time travel exists and Annelie and I most definitely invented it, gloated about it to Michael J. Fox and had our lives turned into the Back to the Future series, time travel had nothing to do with this saga.

I should have first been tipped off to the fact that it wasn’t time-travel related, is because Mandy and I were catching up for coffee at Peet’s Coffee near Haight-Ashbury fifteen years ago joking about the company being hers and how we should fight them for ownership. I then had a dickload of mushrooms and dropped some acid, before hallucinating our entire journey back to the sixties. I probably should have also been tipped off by the fact my memories looked like the Yellow Submarine and Annelie and I had vowed to never time travel with anyone else, which is a promise would never break. It also explains why Mandy spoke about her concerns for my mental health in the press and her fear that her ‘best friend’ was losing his mind.

Given the absurdity of what she was saying, I wasn’t quick to believe her but gurl, knowing me so well, had receipts. She pulled the Peet’s security footage and played me my entire breakdown and hallucinated feud, before pulling me in close and crying, telling me how much she has missed me.

We spent the afternoon laughing and crying – she said Dave had actually wanted to cast me as a gender flipped Khaleesi, given how beautiful Jon Snow and my babies would look – as we plotted the perfect end to our feud, making her the face of Peet’s Coffee. Which sounds like the most perfect marketing move for them, though that could be the Massamanda Peet Curry.

 

 

Warming, spicy and full of kick, this curry ticks all the boxes and leaves you feeling happy and fulfilled. Plus – it is the perfect thing to represent the fiery rage of our one-sided feud, and the hearty, nutty nature of our love.

Enjoy!

 

 

Massamanda Peet Curry
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
coconut oil
1 onion, thinly sliced
a chunk of ginger, grated
5 cloves garlic, minced
1 tsp tamarind paste
2 red chillies, sliced
1 stalk lemongrass, minced
1 tsp turmeric
1 tsp ground coriander
1 tsp ground cumin
pinch of ground cardamom
3 bay leaves
⅓ cup roasted cashews, roughly chopped plus extra to garnish
500g chicken thighs, roughly diced
1 cup chicken stock
400ml can coconut milk
2 potatoes, roughly diced
1 capsicum, thinly sliced
1 tomato, diced
2 tbsp fish sauce
1 tbsp palm sugar, grated
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Heat a lug or large dollop – depending on your current temperature – of coconut oil in a large frying pan over medium heat and sweat the onion for a couple of minutes. Add the ginger, garlic, tamarind, chillies and lemongrass and cook for a further minute, or until nice and fragrant. Add the dry spices, bay leaves and cashews and cook for a further minute.

Add the chicken to the deliciously stanky pan, and lightly brown before slowly adding the stock while stirring until well combined before adding in the coconut milk. Add the potatoes, capsicum and tomato, bring to the boil, reduce heat to a simmer and cook, uncovered for about half an hour or so.

Remove from the heat and stir through the fish sauce, palm sugar and a whack of salt and pepper. Serve immediately with rice, preferably of the coconut variety, topped with coriander and/or extra cashews. Then devour, of course.

 

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Craig I’Anson-in-law Eggs

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2016), Main, Party Food, Snack, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, after Vavau lost yet another immunity challenge Kate and Craig flipped sending deadweight Andrew and his white male privilege / self-importance out of the game.

For once we opened up at Saanapu where, to be honest, I have no idea what was happening. Kylie wanted to sleep with the tribe, Matt got upset and I wish Probst was here to provide some smutty commentary. The next day we continued to buck tradition and continued with Saanapu where Matt explained that Kylie chucked a shit for trying to sleep in the shelter for the first time in 26 days. While I wouldn’t exactly call it a crime, she was playing the victim so I get why people were irritated.

Finally we caught up with Vavau after the triumphant outsing of King Douche where Conner was freaking out about Kate’s flip, despite it being a move that both she and Craig made. Thankfully they had a chat and Kate was able to smooth things over with the help of some – I assume – crocodile tears. Well played Kate. With that they reaffirmed that Phoebe was the target, while she reaffirmed that she’s playing hard to stay and would find a crack to get the numbers.

Phoebe and Kristie then took to playing with machete while Craig went searching for the non-existent idol, much to their delight. It felt a bit American Psycho of them, to be honest. After the casual gloating, Phoebe then started working on Conner to get him to spill to her if she was ever the target. What is with Conner falling for the girls’ stories?

Over on Saanapu Lee and Sam attempted to channel Rupert Boneham / Ozzy (althought less porn-y) with the Hawaiian sling … with the success of say, Cochran. Thankfully the girls turned the scene around by lecherously watching Lee fish before Matt slut-shamed Brooke and caused another rift in the tribe.

Call me crazy but Vavau may win a challenge tonight with this Saanapu shit? Also, is Nick alive or did I miss something?

And just like that JoJo puts in some face time at the immunity challenge, proving that Nick is still alive and giving me the chance to launch my celebrity psychic career.

With that, they started flicking balls at each other before working a pole while avoiding low-hanging, swinging sacks and lining up balls on a wall. Probst would have had a field day.

Sadly my psychic career ended as quickly as it began with Vavau losing the challenge and returning to their second favourite place, tribal council.

Back at camp Conner took responsibility for the loss, while Phoebe and Kristie got to work planning for tribal council and figuring out how best to play the idol. Conner then made a great decision and told Phoebe she was the target, making her job a whole lot easier. I mean, he is sure she doesn’t have the idol, so that’s cool! Kristie then gave a great performance lamenting the loss of Phoebe to Vavau, knowing that she and Phoebe had again pulled off the impossible.

They arrived at tribal without us knowing who Phoebe and Kristie were targeting, meaning their plan is guaranteed to work. Add to that the emotional music when Craig started talking and I’m starting to get worried for their only challenge asset.

After polling the tribe about whether they were confident they knew who would be going tonight  – to which they all agreed – they went to vote, Phoebe played her idol and Craig found his way to my warm embrace in loser lodge, surprising everyone.

His boot, not my lecherous hold obviously.

As we’re both from Australia’s largest small town, Brisbane, I’ve known Craig for years and have enjoyed a very close friendship despite his passion for Pokémon. Call me crazy, I’m far more interested in poking a man – given we share that interest, we were able to remain the best of friends despite … Pokémon.

Craig was heartbroken to find himself idoled out of the game but as a fan of the game, he was able to appreciate that his boot was special and his outsing would cause a national outrage. Wanting to cheer him up I got to work whipping up a batch of my Craig I’Anson-in-law Eggs.

 

craig-i-anson-in-law-eggs-1

 

While these babies are – and to be honest, I think they are – from Thailand and I’m guessing Pokémon is Japanese, I thought these were throwing Craig enough of a bone to keep him happy.

Not that way sickos. Although these eggs are sticky, sweet, salty and spicy … so yep, enjoy!

 

craig-i-anson-in-law-eggs-2

 

Craig I’Anson-in-law Eggs
Serves: 2 as a main with rice, 6-12 as yum cha.

Ingredients
6 eggs, at room temperature
½ cup vegetable oil, to fry
¼ cup shallots, thinly sliced on an angle
handful Thai basil leaves
handful coriander leaves
2 tbs fried shallots
1 long fresh red chilli, thinly sliced diagonally

Caramel
1 cup muscovado sugar, I have an aversion to palm oil and assume the sugar is just as bad
½ cup water
2 tbsp tamarind concentrate
1 tbsp tamari
1 stem lemongrass, bruised, cut into 5cm pieces
thumb piece of ginger, finely grated
1 tsp dried chilli flakes

Method

Boil the eggs in a saucepan of boiling water until soft boiled aka about 5 minutes. Drain and rinse under cold water for five minutes before peeling carefully and setting aside to rest on a paper towel.

Meanwhile, get cracking on the caramel by dissolving the sugar in the water over medium heat, obviously in a saucepan. Cook for a couple of minutes before adding the tamarind, tamari, lemongrass and ginger. Bring to a simmer, reduce heat to low and allow to boil away from about five minutes or until it starts to thicken. Remove from heat, stir in chilli flakes and keep warm.

Now start work on the eggs – I mean, seriously this feels like a lot of work but it isn’t – heat the oil in a wok over high heat and fry each for a few minutes until golden, crisp and delightful. Drain on paper towel and repeat until done.

Slice the eggs in half, scatter on a plate and drizzle with copious amounts of the caramel. Garnish with the shallots done two ways, the herbs and chilli before devouring with rice.

 

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