Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner

Matilda and the Giant Chocolate Witches

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Welcome to 2016, ya’ll – we hope you all had a relaxing festive period doing whatever it is people that are not so well connected do!

Obviously, we spent our time hanging in St Bart’s with Portia, Ellen, Bieber-Peen, not-Alec’s daughter, Hairy Pyles and Kenny before returning to Australia to ring in the new year, emphasis on ring, at Byron with the wider Cyrus-Hemsworth clan.

While we had a wonderful couple of weeks – sadly sans cooking, so sorry no culinary evidence – tragedy struck when and Annelie and Miley were just being Miley and got into a serious accident while cage-fighting. Poor Miles lost 30cm of her tongue, while tragically Annelie was struck, quite literally, with a case of amnesia.

We believe her evil twin Ennelie may have rigged the cage to malfunction so that she could steal her identity, yet that hasn’t been confirmed. Those are the days of our lives, I guess …

Given the extensive nature of her injuries and the fact that she only remembers our pre-murdering friendship with Charles Manson (I do not want to break that news to her), she is on the bench while she recovers … or completes her Medicine degree, at which point I assume she can fix herself.

But through the tragedy, I will continue and potentially, and probably unlikely-ly, prosper.

That being said, I am feeling blue so thought it best to whip out the time-machine and go visit one of our dearly departed friends who has provided every person’s childhood with boundless joy – Roald Dahl!

I’ve got a shit tonne of leftovers in the fridge/freezer/pantry – what to make, what to make?

Picture source: Unknown.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Keeping it Kardashian Khristmas

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, Keeping it Kardashian Khristmas

As the girl’s reminded you last month at Kris’ birthday, she truly loves her friends – obviously, none more so than Annelie and I.

Despite zero appearances on Keeping Up With the Kardashians (I refused to wear pants / share the spotlight), we have long been friends with the Kardashian-Jenner family. We first connected with the family via our mutual friend, the morally corrupt Faye Resnick, whom we met in the 80s during a few of our rehab stints.

Seeing two flailing kids, Kris went straight into momager mode and tried her best to get us on our feet and into a business empire – going as far as to legally change our names to Kbenjamin and Kannelie.

We were there during the divorce from Robert, played bridesmaids to Kris during her wedding to Caitlyn and are even the god-parents slash moral compasses for little Kendall and Kylie – as such, the Kardashians always try to see us around the festive season.

It has been a big year for the women of the Kardashian-Jenner family, so there is a lot for us to celebrate so make sure you can keep up with the Kardashians at Khristmas!

Picture source: EOnline.com.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Dinkie ride or die

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

The festive season is fast approaching (serious, just wait for next week) and we like to make as much time for as many of our besties as possible. Particularly ones that have won, at minimum, an Emmy Award (Golden Globes don’t mean shit to us in December unless it is the nomination announcement) meaning our dear friend and global treasure Peter Dinklage, made the cut.

We first met dear Dinkie when we were brought in to advise on swindling/falling for old men on the set of Death at a Funeral. Having an appreciation for the finer things in life, we quickly bonded and spent our time on set mocking those poor unfortunate souls that have had the displeasure of working with Keira Knightley.

What says let’s get festively freaky and continue to pretend that the ugliness that occurred after we were thrown off the Game of Thrones set for trying to touch Khal’s drogo never happened?

Picture source: HBO.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Miley, what’s good (eating)?

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

After a week gorging on delicious Thanksgiving food and a weekend treating Black Friday sales like a cage-fight, Annelie and I knew there was only one celebrity we would want to spend time with this week – our dear friend Nicki Minaj.

We first met our dear friend Nickster six years ago in court-ordered anger management, just as she was about to make it big. She had been working at the anger facility as a counselor for their more extreme patients and thus far, has been the only person to get through to us.

That probably has more to do with the fact that she allows us to continue with fight-club and is a firm believer in verbal beat-downs and non-physical feuding. Plus, she hates customers.

What says, thank you for being such a strong, rational role-model to us both?

Picture source: Unknown.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

We want it that way

Backstreet's back give thanks!, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Annelie and I spent last Thanksgiving apart while she competed with Nigella (disguised as a turkey) in the Presidential Turkey Pardoning Ceremony while I was snowed-in up north in the Berkshires with food poisoning from a par-cooked turkey burger in not-so-Great Barrington with no power or flowing water.

After our cold, sad thanksgivings (Nigella was disqualified after her faux-turkey neck fell off), we vowed to bounce back and make 2015, the best Thanksgiving ever – enter our dear friends and part-time lovers, Backstreet Boys.

While we haven’t spoken about it publicly, we both had torrid affairs with all of the Backstreet Boys during the 90s (they called me their back-door boy, so sweet) and have remained close ever since.

So everybody, everywhere. Don’t be afraid, don’t have no fear … we will be making up for our broken Thanksgivings.

Everybody (yeah), rock your body (yeah), everybody, rock your body right!

Backstreet’s back, give thanks!

Picture source: Unknown.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

You like us, right now, you like us

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Oh my god, it is such a shock, and again, truly an honour to be crossing off another blogging milestone. Thank you!

If you had told us a year ago that we would be reaching 100 posts we would have thrown a drink at you, pushed you in a pool and Alexis Carrington-ed our way to the front pages of a scandalous tabloid to boost our publicity and cut out the hard work. I mean, 100 recipes/catch-ups? That is work.

Surprisingly, we didn’t take the easy route to minimal fame and no fortune (although obviously I am keen to sell my sex tape, You’ll love your Ben) and stuck it out socialising with our famous friends (and foes), while documenting every step of the process like the anthropological gods that we are.

Skarsy was unavailable / too scared to help us celebrate this joyous occasion, so we reached out to our dear friend and favourite Knowles, Solange.

It may have been cold there in Beyoncé’s shadow, but our love and friendship was more than enough to warm Solange’s heart. I guess her own talent is also heart-warming, but our love is surely more meaningful.

What says thank you for your ongoing support and being the true star of the wider Knowles-Z family?

Picture source: Kristy Sparow / Getty Images.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

La Vie en Villa Rosa

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

As you know, we’ve long been friends with the Vanderpump-Todds. Lisa took us in during the early 00s after we pulled our Halle Berry crash scam and she and Ken were instantly drawn to us. Probably because they felt we needed supervision / help.

When Lisa dropped by for Thanksgiving last year, poor Ken was unable to come as he had to attend a black tie gala with the Gigster. Thankfully Ken wanted to make up for missing out and is dropping down to see us before the festive season.

Ken is such an angel and has always looked after us, making sure we’re dressed appropriately for the weather, bailing us out of jail and giving us jobs at SUR / Villa Blanca whenever we’ve hit financial hardship.

What do you make for such a sweet, sweet man?

Picture source: Unknown.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

American Woah-Man

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Our dear friend Lenny Kravitz gave us a call the other day to let us know he would be going our way, we assume because he is looking for a new seamstress and knows that both Annelie and I slay on the Janome.

While we seem perfect for the job, our passion for wardrobe malfunctions, particularly those involving Len’s junk, make it one of his worse ideas. (Especially if he knew that it was my handiwork with the unpicker that lead to him putting the Cockholm in Sweden).

Despite being celibate now, Len oozes sensuality and as such, we always try to get him in the mood by whipping up something hot and spicy. What should we serve?

Picture source: Unknown.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Born to dance in the dark

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

As the year comes to an end, we always put in the effort to catch-up with our closest friends, to reconnect and reminisce on the year that was.

We have known The Boss aka Bruce Springsteen aka Lil Brucey, for over fifty years after meeting at school when we all attended the St. Rose of Lima Catholic school in Freehold Borough.

Being anti-social, the three of us spent all of our time together while Bruce and Annelie worked on their music and I developed my passion for being a groupie. Brucey is in town for our school reunion which, obviously, is just the three of us.

What says people suck but we don’t?

Picture source: Unknown.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

The hand that rocks our risky business

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

While Tom Cruise is the absolute worst, our work as his stilts AND for me, his fluffer (something about not liking women touching him…), on the set of Risky Business lead us to some of our closest friends; Sean and Megsy were lucky enough to not have to deal with him much, the luminescent Rebecca de Mornay was not so lucky.

As female lead, poor Bec was stuck with Tom as much as we were and, thankfully, the horrific trauma bonded us for life in the most famous case of Hollywood Stockholm Syndrome. Fun fact, Hollywood execs still use our friendship as an example of a positive of sharing the screen with Cruise when they need to convince people to appear in his movies.

Bec is in town this week for our Survivors of Tom Cruise AGM. What says we survived but we aren’t defined by our trauma?

Picture source: Screen-cap from Risky Business.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.