Actress

Travelled down the road and back in time

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

It is a well-known fact that Annelie and I invented time-travel.

We won’t bore you with the details other than the fact it happens in thirteen years from now, anything beyond that would be too much for your poor, non-Scientific minds. Comparatively of course, as we are the two brightest (in your face Hawking).

Anyway, we have tried to keep all of our catch-ups in the present but sometimes you just want to spend time with some of your dearly-departed friends – particularly when their Hollywood home is on the market and we think it would be worthwhile going back to have their will changed.

Calm down, I can almost hear the universal disdain from here but dear Bea Arthur was one of our closest friends and she will appreciate the fact that we want to convert her home into a museum slash theme park, second to only Dollywood.

What says hey, we are from the future and would love for you to change your will so that we can convert your home into a monetised shrine to you?

It has to be something more enticing than a lifetime ban for her frenemy, Betty White…

Also guys, as we are so social and so technologically advanced we have gone nuts on the social medias. You should follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Friendster, FriendFace, Myspace and YouFace coming soon.

Picture source: NBC/LogoTV.com.

Empanada Stone

Main, Party Food, Snack

You know what is odd about our friendship with Emma Stone? We didn’t meet her in any kind of institution or other involuntary lock-up that normally leads to such beautiful friendships. Look, Ben did get locked up briefly after befriending two delightful old ducks from Washington and proceeding to get raucously drunk and heckle Emma during a performance of Cabaret – but Ben’s unceremonious turfing out wasn’t Emma’s fault. Despite taking out a restraining order against us, she clearly loved the fuss.

So how did we meet? Emma she had just finished filming Easy A and found that we had a mutual nemesis – the eternally smug-faced Penn Badgley. Penn attempted to steal Ben’s identity when he was majorly internet famous during the Great Moustache Cultivation of 2013. Let’s be honest, you don’t really need a reason to hate Penn Badgley, so having one was a bonus.

While our antics may have gotten Penn sectioned, Ben and I stayed out of involuntary confinement for a change – all in all a great success.

 

emma1

 

Despite the Cabaret incident, Emma has fond memories of the days of sabotaging Penn. As she now has a vendetta against whoever cast her in Aloha, she wanted to come over for lunch and discuss a glorious new revenge plot. We needed a recipe that would work like our fool-proof schemes – soft and buttery and inviting on the outside, with a fiery inferno waiting within. It had to be Empanada Stones.

Also guys, as we are so social and so technologically advanced we have gone nuts on the social medias. You should follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Friendster, FriendFace, Myspace and YouFace coming soon.

 

emma 2

 

Empanada Stone
Serves: 16 empanadas

Ingredients
Dough
2.5 cups plain flour
150g butter, cold
1 teaspoon salt
1 large egg
1 tablespoon white vinegar
iced water, to bind

Filling
500g minced beef
2 eggs, hard boiled and cooled
100g chopped mixed olives
1 brown onion, finely diced
2 cloves garlic, crushed2 tablespoons tomato paste
1  cup beef stock
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon cumin
1 tablespoon dried oregano

Egg, additional for washing pastry

Method
Dough
Rub butter into sifted flour. Stir through egg and vinegar, and then add iced water until pastry binds. Knead gently until a disc is formed. Wrap in clingfilm and refrigerate for 30 mins.

Filling
Brown mince and soften onion in a large stove-top casserole dish. Add garlic, tomato paste and spices and cook until aromatic. Add stock and simmer for 30 minutes or until thick.

Stir through olives and chopped egg and allow mixture to cool to room temperature.

Assembly
Heat oven to 180 degrees C. Grease and line a large baking tray.

Roll out pastry to approximately 0.5cm thick and cut rounds of desired size. Fill with 2-3 tablespoons of mixture and press to seal, pressing with a fork along the sealed edge.Brush each empanada lightly with egg wash.

Bake 20-25 mins or until golden and crisp.

Aloha or (The Unexpected Virtue of Cultural Ignorance)

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Our famous friends always tell us that we make a great shoulder to cry on. With all the eyebrow raising and tut-tutting surrounding our old friend Emma Stone and her role in Cameron Crowe’s Aloha, we thought our friend might need just that.

While I have needed to work through my deep-seated resentment for Emma (who replaced me as Woody Allen’s latest muse), I do admit she has a fine set of pipes so we need to keep her on side for a possible Jazz In Your Face vocal cameo (we are totally making it back on Ellen).

What could we make that could soothe our ‘culturally confused’ friend?

Also guys, as we are so social and so technologically advanced we have gone nuts on the social medias. You should follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Friendster, FriendFace, Myspace and YouFace coming soon.

Picture source: marieclaire.com

Peanut Sesamia Farrow Noodles

Main

While we’ve had a lot of ups-and-downs in our relationship with 90% of HollywoodMia, she has always treated us with such warmth and empathy. That includes the time we viciously sold stories of her to the tabloids about how she was only adopting her children to complete a real-life recreation of the Von Trapps (to make up for her missing out on Leisel).

Oh, and the story about her having affairs with both Tom and Seth Green. How she forgave that, I’ll never know?

Despite our tumultuous past, Mia always likes to drop-by when she is the country (her father was Australian) and see how we are going … and make sure we haven’t spiralled out of control.

Mia made a special trip on her way back from some humanitarian, charity-ish, kinda thing (she is constantly doing that shit, it is hard to keep up/pay attention), to congratulate us on our soon to be celebrated/posted 50th recipe!

(I assume she wanted to force her way onto the site as the 49th recipe but after all the drama we have caused in the past, it is the least we can do).

Despite her motives, it was such a delight catching up with Mia, reminiscing over our mutual love for Bruce Dern, Edward Herrmann and Frank Sinatra (he fathered one of my children and two of Annelie’s) and obviously, our hatred for the detestable (slash our old friend) Patsy Kensit over a spicy bowl of Peanut Sesamia Farrow Noodles.

 

Peanut and Sesamia Farrow Noodles_1

 

Like Mia, the noodles are soft, spicy and a little bit cray in a really good way.

More importantly, now that we’ve been reminded, how can we best honour our (future Pulitzer-winning work) 50th recipe? More importantly, who would we want to celebrate onwith?

 

Peanut and Sesamia Farrow Noodles_2

 

Peanut Sesamia Farrow Noodles
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 tbsp sesame oil, plus extra for frying
1 tbsp garlic infused olive oil
1 tbsp soy sauce
2 tbsp sweet chilli sauce
2 tbsp hot sauce
100g crunchy peanut butter
2 tbsp lime juice
150g snow peas, rinsed and chopped in half
150g beansprouts, rinsed
1 red capsicum, deseeded and cut into thin strips
4 shallots, finely sliced
200g mushrooms, finely sliced
550g egg noodles
20g sesame seeds , plus extra to garnish
finely chopped fresh coriander, to garnish

Method
Whisk together the oils, sauces, peanut butter and lime juice in a jug, place aside.

Place egg noodles in a bowl of freshly boiled water and leave for five minutes. Drain and place aside.

Heat extra sesame oil in a large fry-pan/wok until hot and quickly stir-fry vegetables until vibrant yet crisp (a couple of minutes at the absolute max). Remove from heat, stir through liquid, sesame seeds and noodles.

Return to heat for a minute, if required. If not, serve and garnish with extra sesame seeds and coriander.

Rosemary’s Food-Baby

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

What a surprise we got over the weekend! Mia Farrow gave us a call to congratulate us on our savvy business acumen in utilising our connections to reclaim fame and obviously, wanted in on the action/to help us celebrate our achievements.

We first met Mia while auditioning for The Sound of Music (she Leisel, Annelie Gretl and me Marta) and remained close throughout the years (even after I seduced Frank Sinatra) until we lost contact during the mid-nineties after playing an advisory role on the film Love and Betrayal: The Mia Farrow Story (needless to say, she wasn’t thrilled).

Years past and we reconnected with Mia while acting as Alumni-Mentors to her son Ronan during his time at Yale and explained why we involved ourselves with the terrible bio-pic, and worse, Patsy Kensit (we had drugs to buy and then rehab bills to pay, obviously) and have endeavoured to stay on her good side ever since.

What says thanks for wanting to congratulate us on almost achieving (and just noticing) our upcoming milestone?

Picture source: Robin Marchant/Getty Images.

Hot Coco Austin

Drink

Let it be said and then repeated over and over again, Coco Austin is a saint.

I mean, not only did she look out for us on the cut throat dance circuit (trust me, it was way worse than Compton) but she has gifted us with the idea that, mark my words, will lead to a Tony.

Coco knew that our beautiful story from rival dancers with rival stage Momagers (Annelie was the greatest Momager I could have hoped for), through the aforementioned years when she protected us from Mary Murphy (she was Naomi Campbell to our Tyra Banks) to when Annelie introduced her to Ice and we all egged Meg Ryan’s home, was destined for the stage and knowing how talented we are as a trio, she knew that we were the only ones who could do it justice.

We have some money set aside from when Annelie and I scammed our dear friend Joan Rivers into listing us as the charity during her winning stint on Celebrity Family Feud (Ice and Coco threw the game for us), so feel the time is right to invest in our future plaudits.

We convinced her to leave that part out of the musical over a nice warm mug of Hot Coco Austin. Sadly though I have to relive the humiliation of being rejected as a Playboy model. I guess my torrid affair with Heff will make a good story though.

 

Hot Coco Austin_1

 

The key to amazing hot chocolate is cinnamon. Well actually, peanut butter is also amazing (you could remove cinnamon from the recipe and replace 1tsp peanut butter), but there is something so warmly, delightful and festive about cinnamon and chocolate.

Just don’t have it in 30° heat, or do. Get wild. Enjoy!

 

Hot Coco Austin_2

 

Hot Coco Austin
Makes: 1.

Ingredients
250(ish)ml milk
50(ish)g dark chocolate
1(ish)tsp raw sugar
generous(ish) pinch cinnamon
cream, for whippin’
extra chocolate, for gratin’

Method
Heat the milk, stirring constantly(ish), in a small saucepan over low heat.

When warm and starting to foam/bubble around the edge, remove from heat and stir in the chocolate and cinnamon until combined. Return to heat and cook for a couple(ish) minutes.

Remove from heat. Whip cream. Pour hot chocolate into a mug. Top with whipped cream and grated chocolate. Or extra cinnamon.

Also ish, obviously.

Dancing through life

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Since we have caught up with her husband Ice and neighbour Megsy Ryan in recent months, it was only appropriate that we give our old dance pal Coco Austin a buzz and see if she wanted to reminisce about the old days.

As you know, we have known Coco since our time as choreographers, when we found elite dance troupe, Jazz in your Face but we didn’t mention that Annelie is actually the one that introduced Ice and Coco.

Cokes was thrilled to get our call and is very interested in taking the story of our dance lives to Broadway. Needless to say, we all smell Tonys in our near future.

What says lets get our creative juices flowing and get the T of our respective EGOTs?

Picture source: Unknown.

Tina Souffle

Dessert, Easter Meggstravaganza

Step five is always a blessing and a curse. As Peter Parker famously said, with being a hero comes great power and great responsibility – so trying to pin down Teenz is always a tad difficult.

After we failed to befriend Amy Poehler through Adam Scott, we travelled back in time to the Delaware County Summer Showtime to befriend Tina in her (our?) younger years. It worked and thankfully, history was rewritten with the four of us being best friends (she totally got us in with Ames). Her love for us knows no bounds and she went on to write 30 Rock with Tracey Jordan and Jenna Maroney being based on us. We were also instrumental in the writing of Mean Girls, which was actually a thinly veiled attack at our less successful co-stars at the County Summer Showtime.

Tina was always keen as mustard to help us out with our blossoming careers. She got us auditions with Saturday Night Live, however Ben was overly keen to sleep his way in (even when this was explicitly not necessary). He peddled one junk-shot too many unfortunately and Lorne Michaels banished both of us from the studio, swearing our names would never be uttered on set again and rendering us the unofficial voldemorts of NBC.

Despite trashing the brilliant opportunities Tina generously found us, she still considers us two of her oldest friends. She is always willing to help out so jumped at the opportunity to help another person in dire straits – Meg Ryan and her pitiful, failing career.

tina 2

As Tina is the gold standard in entertainment, we needed the gold standard of desserts. Chocolatey and rich yet light and delicious like the lady herself, the Tina Souffle ticks all the boxes.

tina 3

Tina Souffle
Serves: 6

Ingredients
6 eggs, separated
180g dark chocolate
50ml cream
50g caster sugar
Butter and caster sugar, for ramekins

Method
Heat oven to 200C. Butter and sugar the ramekins.

Over a low heat, melt the chocolate and cream together and allow to cool slightly before whisking in six egg yolks.

Using a stand mixer, beat egg whites until stiff peaks form and slowly add caster sugar until a thick meringue forms.

Devilled Meggs Ryan

Easter Meggstravaganza, Party Food, Snack

It is always a rush when following through on an egg-based ritual to return fame, foretold in a vision quest in Palm Springs, the celebrity desert.

For the past decade we have struggled with our dear friend Meg to find the correct celebs to force into helping our ritual to return us to the A-list, but alas it has only come true for two of us.

As we have known Meg for such a long time, having met her on the set of When a Man Loves a Woman (Annelie was her stunt double for the shower scene and I acted as her alcohol coach) and continued on as her personal security until we were fired for leaking stories to the tabloids and befriending her across the canyon neighbours, the T-Austins (in a dark period in our friendship, we egged her house).

Thankfully a desire for fame is a huge motivation for forgiveness and Meg never held a grudge and we still have fun with each other in the lead-up to our annual ritual.

In recent years Meg has been enjoying a slight career upswing, playing an obsessive stalker with OCD on Web Therapy (a role loosely based on one of my incarcerations) and we have taken it as a sign that she is on the precipice of returning to greatness. As such, we decided the best way to start this year’s ritual was with a batch of Sweet and Spicy Devilled Meggs Ryan.

 

Devilled Megs Ryan_1

 

The maple bacon counters the kick of heat and if our calculations are right, she should be having what we’re having…an A-list resurgence.

Enjoy!

 

Devilled Megs Ryan_2

 

Sweet and Spicy Devilled Megs Ryan
Makes: 12.

Ingredients
2 rashers streaky bacon
1 tbsp maple syrup
12 hard-boiled eggs, peeled
½ cup mayonnaise
1-2 tbsp Sriracha sauce
1 tsp Dijon mustard
2 tsp finely chopped tarragon
1 tbsp finely chopped chives

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C and line a tray with baking paper. While the oven is heating, marinate the bacon in the maple syrup. When the oven is at temperature, lay rashers on the tray until caramelised and crispy, should be about ten minutes. Remove from oven and set aside to cool.

Cut all the eggs in half lengthways and remove the yolk to a bowl. Mash all of the yolks until smooth-ish and then mix in the mayo, sriracha, mustard and herbs. Season to taste.

Spoon the yolk mixture back into each egg cavity and place on the serving plate.

Finely chop the maple bacon and sprinkle over the eggs. Devour and know that phase one was a success.

Toni Basil Pesto

Condiment

After such a long absence, we are so thankful that Toni step up and dougie’d her way back into our life. She had barely locked her car before we were out the front of Annelie’s house greeting her with some bends, snaps and other loving movements.

Our friendship remains as close as it was way back when and it felt like no time had passed at all. We filled her in on our feud with Nigel Lythgoe and were both shocked (at the betrayal) and thrilled (for her opportunity) that she was considering accepting an offer to judge on So You Think You Can Dance. Obviously after the whipping it (in the sack) with Devo drama, we will try to end the Lythgoe feud to help her secure the role.

That being said, as delightful, kind, forgiving and warm dear Toni is, she is also a total nut. When she called to organise our catch-up she firmly requested we make our famous Toni Basil Pesto. Just the pesto, nothing else. Just pesto and a spoon.

 

Toni Basil Pesto_1

 

Basil is the kind of herb that hits you like a mid break-dance fly-kick to the gut (in a good way), and when you add the sharpness of the parmesan with a dash of lemon juice, you have pesto perfection.

Unlike Toni, I would suggest serving with crackers or some freshly cooked pasta and an extra squeeze of lemon. I like lemon, especially Liz.

Enjoy!

 

Toni Basil Pesto_2

 

Toni Basil Pesto
Makes: Probably about ¾ cup, maybe (noting that I am terrible with estimations)

Ingredients
1 bunch basil, leaves picked
½ cup finely grated parmesan
⅓ cup toasted pine nuts
1 garlic clove, finely chopped
½ cup extra virgin olive oil
lemon, salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Place the basil, parmesan, pine nuts and garlic in the bowl of a food processor and process until finely chopped. With the motor running, gradually add the oil in a thin, steady stream until well combined. Taste and season with salt, pepper and a squeeze of lemon juice.

Place in an airtight container and cover with a little oil – this will help stop the basil from turning black. Store in the fridge for up to one week.