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Benjamin Salisbury Steaks

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Ladies and gentlemen, this week Annelie and I were dealt with a soul-crushingly abrupt plot twist!

Benjamin Salisbury has settled his feud with Shaughnessy.

I know! Sometimes life is hard to take, but sit down and let the shock wash over you.

At first, obviously, we acted like Lisa Rinna in Amsterdam and gave him a verbal beat down for showing up at the AB not C AGM to help us mend fences with Charles but after some Arianna approved meditation (that we learnt during a stint of court ordered anger management) and a wine, we were able to see the light and realise that moving on was maybe for the best.

(Our long running feud started back when we commenced working as slap-designers on Days of Our Lives in the late 80s. The role of young Shane Donovan came up for a series of flashbacks where Charles actively campaigned against me getting the role as I was too melodramatic and too into heroin).

Benjamin was such a sweetheart, sitting with us calmly over a meal of Benjamin Salisbury Steaks to help us through the hurt of the past and find a way to let go of the anger we had felt, and like that a relationship built on hate, finally became one of love and self improvement.

 

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While it may not win any awards for appearance or class, the dish is rich, comforting and has enough heat to give you a kick. In our case, in the right direction.

Now to call Charles, maybe Ben will mediate our meeting?

Enjoy!

 

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Benjamin Salisbury Steaks
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
40g French onion soup powder (yes, the packet stuff. Don’t judge)
1 tbsp soy sauce
1 egg
¼ tsp garlic salt
¼ tsp cayenne pepper
1 tbsp chives, finely chopped
2 tbsp sherry
¾ cup water
2 tsp sour cream
butter, for frying
extra chives, to garnish

Method
In a large bowl combine mince, 1 ½ tbsp soup powder, soy, egg, garlic salt, cayenne and chives. Divide into four thick, equal patties and leave to sit  in the fridge for half an hour.

Blend remaining soup powder and sherry and leave to sit.

Heat the butter in a large frying pan and fry patties (which you’ve obviously taken out of the fridge) for roughly five minutes each side, depending on how well done you want them. This will make them medium. Anyway, once fried remove to a plate and keep warm.

Pour water into the still on pan to deglaze. Stir in the soup powder and sherry and bring to the boil until thick. Remove from heat and mix through the sour cream.

Serve the patties over some nice creamy mashed potatoes, generously drown in the sauce and garnish with chives.

Then devour and resent yourself for judging the appearance of the dish and the inclusion of powdered soup.

Style, flair and finally (t)here

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

You all know that we spent some time working with the flashy girl who worked in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens (where my feud with Shaughnessy commenced), but we never got into the details of our close, unshakeable bond with Benjamin “Brighton the Titan” Salisbury.

We first connected as a threesome (an albeit G rated one) when we joined Shaughnessy feud forces and founded The Nanny’s AB not C club, where anyone with a name starting with C was banned. While most people felt it was inappropriate and bullying, it kept us away from Charles and we didn’t care.

Ben is in town for the club’s AGM, where we spend the day drinking and bitching mercilessly about Chuck the fuck, so we decided to make a week of it and celebrate the 22 years of our friendship.

What says we may have been united by mutual loathing but your friendship over the last two decades has meant the world to us?

Shit, when did we get so sentimental? Mutual rage really bonds, I guess.

Picture source: Unknown.

Green Eggs and Jon Hamm

Breakfast

What do I..? Where..?

I just don’t even know where to start.

Jon Hamm, damn. Hot damn. Jon dropped by a couple of nights ago to relax, celebrate his birthday and release some tension/let off some steam (his words).

Annelie and I first met Jon while we were all working in porn, he designed sets while we wrote scripts, provided catering and acted as fluffers, if needed. Obviously, both Annelie and I fell passionately in love with Jon and worked to be his lovers.

I won’t go into the specifics, but the eventual arrangement lead to the plot of Big Love.

Emphasis on big.

Yesterday morning, I got to work making Jon a nice filling breakfast (Annelie was busy/I locked her out of my house and kept Jon’s visit a secret…I will probably regret this) to give him the energy he needed to get through his, work, for the day. Given that we had plenty of sausage in the house, I opted for a nice generous serve of Green Eggs and Jon Hamm.

 

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We had leftover pesto from our last catch-up with Toni Basil, so we added some parmesan to the eggs and mixed it through with some diced ham. With a squeeze of lemon juice, it was as perfect as the night before.

Enjoy! You know we did. It was a happy birthday for Jon indeed!

 

Green Eggs and Jon Hamm_2

 

Green Eggs and Jon Hamm
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
6 eggs
6 slices ham, diced
2 tbsp pesto
2 tbsp grated parmesan
4 slices sourdough, toasted
butter, to serve (and cook)
salt and pepper, to season
lemon, quartered, to serve

Method
Crack all the eggs into a medium bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper, ham, pesto and parmesan and give them a good whisk.

In a medium pan, melt roughly a tablespoon of butter over medium/low heat until hot and foamy. Pour egg mixture into the pan and let them bubble for roughly ten seconds.

In sweeping motions, go from the edge of the pan to the centre until the eggs are slowly cooked (basically, this technique from 1:50-2:10ish). Make sure you stop while they are still moist, as they will continue to cook from the heat while you butter your toast

On that note, at some point toast your bread, but I am sure you could figure that part out.

To serve, place your toast on a plate and top with the eggs and a wedge of lemon on the side. Again, I am sure you could have figured that out.

Sausage is optional and was fantastic.

Hamming it up

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Some of our catch-ups have been for reconnecting, others to help our friends back into the limelight and others have been about burying feuds (rather than hatchets into backs), this week’s catch-up feels different. More meaningful. Sexier.

Our dear friend and sometime lover, Jon Hamm gave us a call hoping to drop by and quote, un-quote “relax and relieve some stress after wrapping Mad Men.”

I will leave it up to your imagination as to what he means, God knows I am getting imaginative.

What says, thanks for…well, thanks for everything? Everything.

Picture source: Vanity Fair.

Toni Basil Pesto

Condiment

After such a long absence, we are so thankful that Toni step up and dougie’d her way back into our life. She had barely locked her car before we were out the front of Annelie’s house greeting her with some bends, snaps and other loving movements.

Our friendship remains as close as it was way back when and it felt like no time had passed at all. We filled her in on our feud with Nigel Lythgoe and were both shocked (at the betrayal) and thrilled (for her opportunity) that she was considering accepting an offer to judge on So You Think You Can Dance. Obviously after the whipping it (in the sack) with Devo drama, we will try to end the Lythgoe feud to help her secure the role.

That being said, as delightful, kind, forgiving and warm dear Toni is, she is also a total nut. When she called to organise our catch-up she firmly requested we make our famous Toni Basil Pesto. Just the pesto, nothing else. Just pesto and a spoon.

 

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Basil is the kind of herb that hits you like a mid break-dance fly-kick to the gut (in a good way), and when you add the sharpness of the parmesan with a dash of lemon juice, you have pesto perfection.

Unlike Toni, I would suggest serving with crackers or some freshly cooked pasta and an extra squeeze of lemon. I like lemon, especially Liz.

Enjoy!

 

Toni Basil Pesto_2

 

Toni Basil Pesto
Makes: Probably about ¾ cup, maybe (noting that I am terrible with estimations)

Ingredients
1 bunch basil, leaves picked
½ cup finely grated parmesan
⅓ cup toasted pine nuts
1 garlic clove, finely chopped
½ cup extra virgin olive oil
lemon, salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Place the basil, parmesan, pine nuts and garlic in the bowl of a food processor and process until finely chopped. With the motor running, gradually add the oil in a thin, steady stream until well combined. Taste and season with salt, pepper and a squeeze of lemon juice.

Place in an airtight container and cover with a little oil – this will help stop the basil from turning black. Store in the fridge for up to one week.

Locking in a date

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

As highly influential members of the dance world through our noted stewardship and as founders of dance troupe, Jazz in Your Face, Annelie and I have long been confidantes of Toni Basil. Well, despite that brief hiatus during our “Groupie Era” when we worked our way through all the members of Devo while she was dating Gez.

Thankfully, we moved passed the awkwardness and were able to reconnect and work together successfully choreographing for Legally Blonde, the critically acclaimed Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde and the TV Land Awards tribute to Soul Train.

It has been close to a decade since our last catch-up slash dance-fest/battle (as we have a lifetime ban at Caesars Palace and couldn’t help choreograph for Bette’s farewell show), so Toni is dropping by this week.

What dish screams we mutually inspire each other to achieve dance greatness and that we are so fine, so fine we blow people’s minds? Oh Toni. Oh Toni.

Picture source: Unknown.

Kevin Bacon & Egg Pie

Main

Kevin is one of the sweetest celebrity friends we have. Sweetest and sexiest, obviously.

Following our one-two punch of Stockholm syndrome-ing and Fatal Attraction-ing our way into his heart, he gave us a start running coffee on Apollo 13 where we did such a good job (minus “accidentally” spiking Tom Hanks coffee with laxatives) that I was given the role as Jim Lovell’s wife’s body-double in the pivotal shower/ring scene and Annelie was hired to advise on the appropriate representation of the peanuts.

Obviously, we killed it and it brought us closer to Kevs and were invited to join his entourage/heavies during the filming of Picture Perfect (he was feuding with Jen An at the time…the only time we aren’t on Team Jen) before we graduated to being his fluffer on the set of Wild Things (we are really good with various…jobs).

We haven’t seen Kevin in a while, with him busy on the set of The Following, so to celebrate our warm and sexy friendship and show our gratitude he made the trip to see us, we served him up a large, hot, delicious slice of our famous Kevin Bacon & Egg Pie. This time, unusually, on plates rather than…never mind.

 

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The pie is the perfect meal for when you are short on time and want something easy and comforting. Plus spinach makes it seem healthy (and I just love spinach) and bacon is the best.

The food and the man. Enjoy!

 

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Kevin Bacon & Egg Pie
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1 tablespoon olive oil
2 medium brown onions, chopped
350g rindless shortcut bacon rashers, diced
1 3/4 sheets frozen reduced-fat shortcrust pastry, partially thawed
1 1/3 cups grated reduced-fat tasty cheddar
8 eggs
1/2 cup pure cream
250g frozen spinach, defrosted and drained

Method
Heat oil in a large frying pan over medium-high heat. Add onion. Cook, stirring, for 5 minutes or until softened. Add bacon. Cook, stirring, for 5 minutes or until browned. Remove from heat and stir through drained spinach. Cool.

Preheat oven to 180°C. Place a baking tray in oven. Grease a 6cm-deep, 20cm round springform pan. Using base of pan as a guide, cut 1 circle from 1 pastry sheet. Line base of prepared pan with pastry round. Cut remaining pastry sheet into 3 equal strips. Line side of pan with pastry, trimming to fit and pressing edges together (you will have some leftover pastry).

Spoon half the bacon and spinach mixture into pan. Sprinkle with 1 cup cheese. Whisk 4 eggs and cream together in a jug. Add to pan. Sprinkle with remaining bacon and spinach mixture. Make 4 holes into mixture in pan. Crack 1 egg into each hole. Sprinkle with remaining cheese. Season with pepper. Fold pastry over at top edge.

Place in hot oven and bake for 45 to 50 minutes or until pie is firm to touch. Stand in pan for 10 minutes. Serve on whatever dish you desire.

Everybody loves Bacon

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Despite the rumours and well, the implication of our title, we are not hungry for fame. It is simply a hilarious play on the fact that we bake like mofos and are friends with hundreds upon hundreds of famous people.

That being said, there was a time we would do anything to be famous and that is where our next friend comes in.

When we were young ingenues in the early nineties, Kevin Bacon was doing the rounds for The River Wild boasting of his interconnectedness and within minutes, we were at his door pledging our undying allegiance.

After a couple of arrests for stalking and three incidents with his pet rabbits, he let us into his life, heart, home and we have been close ever since.

What says thanks for helping us out when we were younger (and obviously thank you to Stockholm syndrome, as without you we would not have many friends)?

Picture source: The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon/YouTube.

ParmiGeena Davis Meatball Poppers

Oscar Gold

It is a fact universally known that the greatest friends you can make, are those that you connect with during the darkest periods of your life and our dear, dear friend and Academy Award winner Geena Davis came to us in a time of deep personal turmoil.

We connected with Geens when she was studying for her role in Thelma and Louise. It is a little known fact that the final car chase is based on actual events.

Annelie and I had committed a crime that we don’t like to talk about (it was the basis for the plot of Ocean’s Eleven and we don’t talk about it because we hate Clooney); we were caught, were tailed by the police and drove into the Grand Canyon.

Geena was so understanding of our issues when she was trying to get into character that we have continued our friendship and even had her support when we were thrown off the set of Stuart Little during one of our foiled revenge plots against Jonathan Lipnicki.

Geens wanted to catch-up before the Oscars to talk about the rise of Patty Arquette and comeback of our mutual friend Keats (I was DeVito’s stunt/body double on Batman Returns) and we felt something warm and loving, like our ParmiGeena Davis Meatball Poppers, was appropriate.

 

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The gooey cheese is offset by the rich passata with a strong punch of the basil that makes the meatballs a perfect comfort food/first post-awards-season-dieting meal.

Well, if you don’t go to In’n’Out, obviously. Which you should.

Enjoy!

 

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ParmiGeena Davis Meatball Poppers
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
¾ cup breadcrumbs
1 cup fresh grated Parmesan cheese
3 garlic cloves, pressed
small onion, grated
2 Tbsp + 1 cup passata
½ Tbsp dried oregano seasoning
2 Tbsp fresh basil, chopped
2 Tbsp fresh parsley, chopped
½ tsp kosher salt
½ tsp fresh cracked black pepper
1 large egg, lightly beaten
1 cup shredded mozzarella

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C and line a baking sheet with baking paper.

Set aside 1 cup passata and the shredded mozzarella

In a large mixing bowl, combine all remaining ingredients. Mix well, do not over mix or you will have tough meatballs. Portion out meat mixture to desired size (about a tablespoon is good) and place on baking sheet. After all meatballs have been portioned roll into balls with wet hands.

Bake for 15-20 minutes until lightly browned.

Turn over meatballs and drizzle passata over each meatball and top with cheese.

Bake a further 2-3 minutes, or until cheese is golden brown and bubbly.

Gorge.

Heloumi Hunt Skewers

Oscar Gold

You always need a calming force following a catch-up with Cagey and there is no Academy Award Winner more calming than our dear friend, Helen Hunt.

We have known Helen since our time together working as Jami Gertz’s co-Assistants on the set of Twister, where Hells was the only person able to calm us down during our infighting to be Jami’s personal favourite and confidante.

It was a highly tumultuous period of our lives and the thought of sharing that honour was too much to handle and she was the only one brave enough to come between Annelie and I when we were throwing empty bottles at each other and ruining the other’s weaves.

Helen stuck with us during the years of court-ordered anger management, rehab and prison (following the Halle incident) and has become like a third Hollywood mother to us (she got us a role as Wilson’s assistant on Cast Away to get our feet back in the door, bless her).

To show our appreciation we made some Heloumi Hunt Skewers to enjoy while we discussed Julianne finally winning Best Actress. We don’t even have to pretend that won’t happen, right?

 

Heloumi Hunt Skewers_1

 

The combination of charred vegetables and haloumi are amongst my favourite and with a splash of lemon the party moved from our hearts, to our mouths.

Enjoy!

 

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Heloumi Hunt Skewers
Serves: Hunger and ingredient dependent.

Ingredients
haloumi
zucchini
capsicum
cherry tomatoes
red onion
lemon wedges, to serve

Method
Cut all ingredients (except cherry tomatoes) into a roughly one centimetre dice…or you know, cherry tomato size.

Load skewers with ingredients piece by piece, alternating however you find aesthetically pleasing. I tend to start and finish with capsicum or haloumi as they act as an anchor to keep the skewers together.

Once all of the skewers are done, heat a large griddle or frying pan. Fry for a couple of minutes each side, season to taste and serve with lemon wedges.

Note: If you are using wooden/bamboo skewers, soak them in water for a couple of hours so that they don’t burn.