Cranbura Maygarita

Drink, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 15, TV, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race the girls were tasked with forming a trio of girl groups. But once again, there was a twist on the classic challenge, as this time they were Golden Girl Groups. Each band would tackle a different genre, which of course led to an epic argument between two teams who both felt metal would be the funniest with their old make-up. Which meant Mistress and Luxx got into an epic fight with Malaysia (and kinda Sasha), before rock paper scissors handed metal to the latter team, leading to a breakout moment from Aura who won the challenge. Meanwhile the peaceful R&B team were far and away the weakest, leading to Jax and Robin landing in the bottom with our hair-skipping icon slaying the lip sync and sending sweet Robin out the door.

Backstage the dolls were heartbroken to have lost sweet Robin, before talk turned to the challenge with Mistress admitting to being shocked that her entire team was not in the top. Being a messy icon, she mentioned that someone told her that Malaysia was heated in Untucked about what happened when they fought over genres. Malaysia stayed quiet and simply said that she said what she said, while Mistress admitted that she didn’t exactly realise they were being serious, which is why she was laughing not because she disrespects her. While Sasha and her talked it out, Malaysia continued to sulk in the corner, refusing to engage with Mistress once again laughing, which only made Malaysia even more angry. And well, the dolls are fighting.

The next day the tensions appeared to have dissipated and instead everyone was just now awkward, while Mistress just continued to smirk like an icon. Before she and Malaysia could get into it again, Ru dropped by to announce that for this week’s Maxi Challenge the dolls would be starring in the reboot of the Daytona Wind. And while I love that for them, I don’t know how fun it will be if they know the farts are coming. Oh and this time, it will be a sitcom AND since Aura won the last challenge, she would cast the whole damn thing.

The lead character of Fancy was a big bold role, and as such, everyone put their hand up for it until Aura said she wanted it given she has never been campy. And Anetra? Well, she just wanted metal. Because she is a chill icon. Thankfully everyone followed her lead and gladly took the rest of the roles and split up to read through their scripts, with Mistress and Malaysia soon learning that they would be scene partners for most of the damn. Though given they are both strong actresses it should be fine, particularly since Aura was clearly struggling with Fancy. To the point where Mistress wisely pointed out it was a bomb and offered to switch out for the big, starring role. Like a shrewd icon.

The dolls met up with Ru on set where Loosey was a star from start to finish, Spice was hilariously ridiculous – so, Spice – while Malaysia lived for slamming doors in Mistress’ face, while she absolutely ate. Though to be fair, so did Mistress. Jax meanwhile was at a 7, which allowed Mistress to add some killer ad libs as she and Malaysia bounced off each other perfectly. Aura meanwhile was just, not good, while Big Daddy gagged the girls with the fact he is alive. But sadly, we don’t know who is playing him. Yet. But it definitely does not sound like Carson.

Elimination Day arrived with Malaysia and Mistress coming together to clear the air as they beat their mugs. As everyone obviously watched on out of the corners of their eyes. But it all ended well as they copped to what they did wrong, apologising and well, it was lovely and I love that for them.

Ru, Michelle and Carson took their places on the judges panel alongside our favourite familiar, Harvey Guillen as Loosey kicked off the Puffer Please runway looking like a sexy marshmallow. Spice gave snow bimbo, Sasha oozed sex in yellow and black stripes, Luxx gave Jackie O does the Jetsons, Malaysia was a gorgeous lemon, Aura was perfection in a kimono while Jax was a glorious bee. Mistress was a sexy beach puff, Anetra was the sluttiest bird while Marcia was hilariously frostbitten in a puffer bikini while Salina looked glorious, yet very Salina.

When it came to The Daytona Wind Loosey was hilarious and perfect as the maid, Spice was Spice, Sasha and Luxx made a glorious couple, while Malaysia knocked it out of the park andMistress was perfection from start to finish. And well, they bounced off each other so well. Marcia was so much fun as a nerd as Anetra gave perfect timing, while Salina was gloriously camp. At the other end of the pack, Jax and Aura were kinda just there or worse, boring. More importantly, Danny mother tucking Trejo played the very undead Big Daddy and ugh, it was perfection.

Loosey, Sasha, Luxx and Salina were sent to safety before Spice was read for being one note in the performance and for always doing the same thing on the runway. Since it is boring Michelle. Malaysia received universal praise for her performance and looking gorgeous on the runway. Aura was praised for her runway though was obviously read for giving nothing in the challenge, while Jax was read for giving even less. Mistress too received universal praise in the performance and for giving something different on the runway, while Anetra was praised for her chemistry with Marcia and for slaying the runway. While Marcia too was beloved, despite still needing to drag up her looks even further. Despite the judges acknowledging that she already had grown immensely.

Backstage the dolls were glad to get another week in the competition, but Loosey and Salina were kinda pressed about being safe again. Which Sasha obviously felt was bratty. We then got a little extra time with Danny Trejo and ugh, he is the best and I love him. Sasha was proud to be serving her classic brand on the runway, while Salina explained her backpack vibe and everyone read Loosey for serving Donald Duck. Which I can not unsee. Oh and then she went back to bitching about missing out on a spot in the top. Talk eventually turned to the challenge as the girls questioned how Mistress managed to sneak out the biggest role from under Aura. Before Luxx said what we were all thinking, pointing out that Aura likely would have struggled with any role.

The tops and bottoms returned with Aura letting them know she is definitely lip syncing, while Spice and Jax were battling it out for the final spot. Mistress meanwhile tried to downplay how much Ru loved her, while Anetra and Marcia spoke about how the judges couldn’t split them as a duo, and Malaysia was thrilled to finally get all of the judges’ love. Loosey then pulled attention back to her, sharing how upset she was to not land in the top while the safe girls rolled their eyes. Mistress meanwhile pointed out that maybe her runway let her down, which obviously upset her more while Marcia tried to remind her that they probably expected her to do well and as such, the bar was just set higher for her.

Oh and then Harvey dropped by to kiki with the dolls and ugh, he is so damn cute and lovely and I love him. And need a pep talk from him, ASAP.

Ultimately Jax was sent straight to the bottom two before Malaysia was sent to safety, therefore handing Mistress her first win of the season. Anetra and Marcia were deemed safe before Spice narrowly joined them – hilariously doing her runway shtick one last time, much to Michelle and Ru’s rage – leaving Aura to battle it out with Jax. And while both of them came out guns blazing as soon as Megan Thee Stallion and Dua Lipa’s Sweetest Pie kicked off, it was clear that Jax is not someone you want to face off against. As she hit every lyric and served tricks and stunts before once again saving herself, leaving Aura to join the infamous win to elim club. Giving us an iconic exit line – my dead Dad will haunt you all – on the way out.

Backstage Aura was obviously disappointed to be exiting the competition so soon, though was grateful to at least get a win under her belt before her departure. I pulled her in for a massive hug – because duh, she is the trade of the season – and assured her that joining the win to elim club puts her in a spectacular group of queens and she is nearly guaranteed a return because of it. You know, on account of the whole, better to be eliminated too soon than overstay your welcome, thing. Plus, being the trade, the fandom will always remember you fondly. Almost as fondly as the taste of a Cranbura Maygarita.

Everyone loves a good margie but add in some festive spice of a little cranberry and well, you’re in heaven. Still packing the zing and freshness of the usual marg, this variation adds to the tartness to really make it sing. In all the right ways.

Enjoy!

Cranbura Maygarita
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
4-8 lime wedges, for garnish and rimming glasses
¼ cup kosher salt
1 cup cranberry juice
⅓ cup tequila
¼ cup fresh lime juice
¼ cup triple sec
ice, to serve
½ cup cranberries, muddled

Method
Rub the edges of four margarita glasses with lime juice and dip into the salt to coat the rim.

Pop the cranberry juice, tequila, lime juice, triple sec and ice in a large cocktail shaker and shake until well combined.

Divide the muddled cranberries between the glasses, followed by the margs and then garnish with a lime. Before downing, with glee.

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

The Sexon the Beach

Drink, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 10, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race, the queens were put through their paces on Snatch Game with Eureka, Aquaria and Monet slaying and Asia and The Vixen doing the worst mother daughter duo as Bey and Blue. Thankfully for Asia her Shape of Water inspired mermaid look saved her and sent a subpar Monique into the bottom two to be slaughter by The Vixen and sent from the competition.

The girls returned to the Werk Room to discover that Monique firmly blamed herself for not knowing the lyrics, which is good because at least she doesn’t make excuses. Asia was upset to lose her friend, while The Vixen was upset that literally everyone else wanted her to go airing her grievances like it was Festivus. As such, it didn’t take long for her fight with Eureka to start up again with Eureka confused about what happened and The Vixen dancing around just being upset. Thankfully it kind of fizzled out, allowing Monet to congratulate Aquaria on her win and then shade her by saying how shocking it was, and she thought it would have gone to her or Eureka.

Back in the Werk Room the next day, Kameron was proud to have made it as far as he did and was proud to have found his place in the competition. He then sat down to arm wrestle Asia, only to be interrupted by my dear friend Chad Michaels implying that this week’s challenge would involve Cher, bitch. Before we could get any details, Ru joined the queens for this week’s mini challenge where they were required to snap out of it and bait Ru until they have to take a big ol’ bitch slap. While all the queens – minus Eureka, TBH – were hilarious, they couldn’t compete with Asia. Though since Ru actually connected with her, it kind of gave her an advantage.

With that out of the way, Ru announced that this week’s maxi challenge would see them doing a live unauthorised musical based on Cher’s life, with each queen allocated a different era of her career. Kameron got ‘60s, Monet and The Vixen followed with the ‘70s, Aquaria will do disco, Asia snagged moviestar Eureka will be rockstar and Miz Cracker would serve comeback Cher.

Kameron was feeling anxious based on the fact she is a lip syncer not a singer, though based on the queens singing to themselves, she shouldn’t be. Ru arrived to chat to the girls, with Asia admitting that she also could not sing and felt this would be a lot of work since it isn’t her most iconic era – her victorious Oscar look begs to differ – and her only experience acting was bombing Snatch Game. On the flipside while Kameron wasn’t confident in her voice but seemed to have her head in the game and was ready to finally snag a win. Please do, my love. Monet was feeling confident based on the fact she is a trained Opera singer … though was concerned by the fact she is a baritone. She was planning to channel Carol Burnett’s version of Cher though, so I’m feeling confident. Eureka was concerned about singing live, Mix Cracker concerned Ru when suggesting making age jokes and The Vixen was semi-confident based on lip syncing to Cher previously, which TBH, hasn’t everybody? She then told Ru that everyone hates her and I am over listening to it. Aquaria then gave everyone a laugh, confident in her five notes and giving Ru a teaser. As soon as Ru left, Cracker asked her if she felt nervous after seeing Ru … which she was not. Though she probs should be.

The queens arrived to rehearse on the mainstage and were met by my frenemy Todrick Hall. Kameron struggled with singing live and couldn’t get out of his head, The Vixen nailed her choreography but also struggled with singing while Cracker was overwhelmed by her requirement to dance with a microphone timed to the beat. Thankfully for all of them Asia was worse, forgetting her lyrics and not channeling Cher at all. Well, until Eureka who spent the time negotiating to only focus on choreography and not sing until she gets it. She then shared a story where her dad asked her to sing for his friends as a kid, got nervous, stopped and it lead to an altercation and while I’m confused, seemed extremely sad.

Elimination day rolled around with Aquaria rolling her make-up station closer to the other queens to try and solidify their friendships. Seeing that Eureka was still feeling down, Monet pulled her aside to try and get her head in the game. The queens then threw some shade and kikkied before Kameron asked then all to fall and trip and give her a win. Miz then shared a heartbreaking story from her childhood when they were desperately poor and lived off shiners, unlabelled cans, and would have to guess if dinner would be food or condiment. Asia pulled The Vixen aside to see if they could work through her issues, with her expertly identifying where she is coming from and helping her out. And now I want to watch a spin-off where they hang out and Asia coaches her to victory in an All Stars. It’s almost like she has experience dealing with someone that’s extremely talented but gets into their head and takes it out on others? Off topic, her daughter is Phi Phi. Just remember.

Ru, Michelle and Carson were joined by Andrew Rannells and Billy Eichner for the first and last performance of Cher: The Unauthorised Rusical. Kameron kicked things off extremely strongly, followed by Monet who slayed the performance further exacerbated by The Vixen struggling to match her. Aquaria was ok as the disco queen, though looked a lot better when Asia performed. Eureka had chutzpah but struggled with the notes while Cracker brought down the house before the queens united for the finale, further highlighting the fact Kameron had Cher down.

While it honestly isn’t just my thirst speaking, Kameron also looked stunning on the runway while Monet was body positive, though he looked just seemed to be missing something. The Vixen looked beautiful in her jagged cardboard number, Aquaria showed up this year’s Met Gala attendees and Asia channeled Bianca Del Rio in her clown look. Eureka looked like a disco ball and I was confused by Cracker, but I kind of loved it. The judges loved Kameron’s look and performance, feeling like she was the most ‘Cher’ of the queens. Michelle and Carson felt let down by the nipple covers and tape in Monet’s look, but loved her performance. Everyone loved The Vixen’s runway, though thought her performance was ok but was nothing like Cher. They loved Aquaria’s look but felt her performance was mixed. Asia’s look was ok, though hated her performance. Michelle hated Eureka’s make-up – note, she hates stripes as well as dots … RIP Dusty – and the judges felt like while she started off slowly, her performance warmed up well. The judges liked everything Cracker did but I don’t feel they loved it.

Poor Monet just missed out on victory with my dear love Kameron finally taking out her first win of the season. Eureka and Cracker were declared safe, before Aquaria narrowly avoided the bottom two leaving Asia and The Vixen to lip sync. To Deee-Lite and NOT CHER, BITCH. While both queens slayed said non-Cher lip sync, Asia was saved (or appeared to be) by her superior track record and The Vixen was tearfully sent from the competition.

Given the fact that both The Vixen and I are passionate about what we believe in and like to stand up for said beliefs, we’re the best of friends despite often feuding for weeks after screaming at each other. While you may love her or hate her, we’ve all been gagging for some drama and my girl has brought it week after week and made things exciting, whilst also providing some killer, smart drag. As such, I held her close while she sobbed about the lost opportunity and toasted her performance with a The Sexon the Beach.

Is the name clunky? Sure. But fuck my drag if it isn’t damned near perfection. A little bit sweet, a little tart and packing a killer punch, it is everything The Vixen is and more.

Enjoy!

The Sexon the Beach
Serves: 1

Ingredients
2 shots vodka
½ shot peach liqueur
2 shots orange juice
2 shots cranberry juice
orange slices and maraschino cherries, to garnish

Method
Fill a highball with ice.

Top with the ingredients.

Garnish with a slice of orange and a maraschino cherry.

Down.

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Desmopolitan Quilty

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2016), Drink

After a decade long hiatus, Australian Survivor finally made a return to the our screens.

Channel 10 bravely took up the mantle hoping to make an improvement on the dismal seasons produced by 9 and 7 … which isn’t hard given that the first season’s first boot voted herself out in blatant disregard of the rules and the second robbed its rightful final two of a win.

Anyway, rant over … for now.

We started with my ex-lover’s little brother welcoming the contestants to the island with a rugged, island sex appeal second only to Jeff Probst – obviously Skarsy as Tarsy counts as jungle in this ranking. So at this point, the season is off to a good start.

Team that with the beautiful production value, interesting challenges – who could forget the first season’s nail biting guess the time challenge! – and the use of Ancient Voices and I am quietly confident in the season, even without my on location support.

My little Jon Jon didn’t waste time putting that sensuality to test, throwing the tribes straight into their first challenge harkening back to the days of snakes, rats, nudity and casual homophobia in Borneo with a quest for fire … which also included my challenge wet dream – a mid game choice for supplies before going for the fire.

We spent a lot of time bouncing around between the tribes getting to know the castaways starting with Aganoa where Kat, my favourite of the first twenty minutes, took her island wardrobe seriously in head-to-toe Resort Report much to the chagrin of my walking stereotype Des.

Over on Vavau they weren’t exactly sure what was happening, leaving the poor high school teacher to corral the tribe to keep them all alive. While on Saanapu they were concerned about making fire, despite having just won it. Thankfully we were introduced to Kylie who made the shame of their misguided concern disappear. (Kylie FTW).

We spent the remainder of the episode watching the many failings of Aganoa with Des refusing to help, their camp being washed out by a wave and then a disaster in the challenge – again involving Des – leading to their unsurprising trip to tribal council.

Once there Des and Kat’s feud intensified resulting in Des’ strategy to be useless for the first two days and to become helpful the morning of tribal council to backfire, resulting in him being the first person voted off the island.

I first met Des about five years ago when I ran a courier parcel theft scam in Brisbane, stealing items out of other courier’s trucks and holding them ransom. While I was quite successful, it was Des who ended up catching me and getting me sent to prison.

As you know, I am reticent to hold a grudge when someone dobs me in – it comes with the territory of a scam filled life – and Des was so sweet, visiting me in prison and working to help me get my life back on track.

Despite him really having no one else to blame after not letting his tribe see that softer side, I still felt the need to – probably because I was being housed in luxury digs on Channel Ten’s purse – whip him up a Desmopolitan as he ran into my loving, drunken embrace.

While he was a bit annoyed that his drink is better suited to Kat and the rest of the cafe latte set in Manly, he appreciated the joke … and the generous way I pour my booze.

Enjoy! Who will be joining me tonight?

Desmopolitan Quilty
Makes: 1.

Ingredients
2 shots vodka
1 shot Cointreau
1 tsp lime juice
½ cup cranberry juice
crushed ice, to serve

Method
Shake vodka, Cointreau, lime and cranberry juice in a cocktail shaker. Strain into an iced glass. Garnish with a segment of lime. Devour and go again … responsibly, obvs.

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

	Pink Chadorade… on Bakitad Orzo and Meatball…
	Pink Chadorade… on Instant Mariamen Edilia
	Pink Chadorade… on The Blacaforenast Cake
	Pink Chadorade… on Mushroom The Tacarenas
	Pink Chadorade… on Kelly Rissoller

Fame Hungry

Procrasti-baking with our celebrity faux-riends

Cranberry Juice

Cranbura Maygarita

The Sexon the Beach

Desmopolitan Quilty