Dolognese Parton

Breakfasalina Spaghettitties

Breakfast, Pasta, RuPaul's Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race 15, TV, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race the top seven were tasked with voguing the house down for a quick and dirty mini challenge, with Anetra obviously winning. Since you know she walked that fucking duck. Though everyone was kind of iconic in their own ways. As the winner of the challenge, she was given the power to decide the order of their comedy show maxi challenge, which was being done in pairs. Accept for Marcia who was left as the odd one out. Luxx and Loosey’s feuding led to a glorious set which snatched them a joint win, while Salina was super solid alongside Mistress. Sasha and Anetra on the other hand were a mess, while going solo really hurt Marcia who fell flat, given she had no one to bounce off. The dolls were gagged to see Sasha avoid the bottom as Anertra and Marcia faced off. And despite the fact both of them kept us fed, everyone was gagged once again as Marcia went home rather than a double shantay.

Backstage the dolls were well and truly gagged by the lip sync, while Salina was just glad Marcia Marcia Marcia had finally been sent home, given she felt she should have been in the bottom some of her times. Anetra meanwhile hoped everyone knew she was here to get rid of each and every one of them, given she can do that. The dolls sat to kiki, praising Loosey and Luxx on their win before Loosey slayed Salina, asking if she was annoyed to be the only queen without one. We then had the dolls talking about their eras – Mistress really made this her thing, and I love it – while Sasha was a little gagged by her brief stint in the bottom and you best believe that is the only moment of vulnerability she wants to have during her run.

The next day the dolls were ready to fight for the upcoming win, with Mistress warning them she will be ending her congeniality era and instead will now be choosing chaos. Begging the question, how could it get more chaotic from our icon? Before we got answers, Ru dropped by to task the girls with this season’s rusical, Wigloose!, set in a town where drag has been outlawed, could you imagine (side note: you’re scum Nick Wilson who robbed Mike White). After Ru departed, the dolls sat down to listen to the rusical before they got to work dividing the roles. This year, the lead was a fight between Luxx, Loosey and Salina, until the latter took her second role – which Luxx also wouldn’t mind, which is smart – as the others battled it out. Mistress jumped in to explain why she thought Luxx made more sense, which obviously infuriated Loosey even more, deciding everyone was out to get her. She then cussed out Mistress for letting her know she doesn’t think she trusts her. 

Before Luxx gagged everyone, giving Loosey the lead, taking her second choice and leaving Salina with the one nobody wanted.

As they moved on to work through their lines, Ru dropped by to kiki with the dolls with Sasha opening up about connecting with the plot of the rusical because her mother disowned her due to their church. She then gagged Ru for picking the role of Carl – the submissive, old husband of the villain – as they laughed it up together. Meanwhile Loosey was breaking down, talking to Salina about feeling bad for snapping and feeling like the way Mistress and Luxx are treating her is bringing up the trauma of being bullied in school. While Salina sweetly tried to let her vent everything so they could move on and focus on the task at hand. Anetra was up next, ready to serve mother energy and embrace the message of drag saving your life. Because it well and truly saved herses. And ugh, double crown her and Sasha immediately. Salina opened up to Ru about always feeling like she is well and truly in the middle, with Ru essentially telling her to calm down, take a xanax and embrace herself because she is a star. 

The gals headed to the mainstage to work through the choreography with zaddy Miguel Zarate with Loosey confident in her dancing skills and her ability to rapidly pick up the choreography. And while she was confident, it read as white lady at a wedding. Anetra meanwhile looked to be stuck in her head, which I choose to believe is a fake out while Luxx was confident and charming from start to finish. Salina meanwhile was heartbroken to learn her character was a little bit country, which doesn’t allow her to show off her musical theatre training before Mistress gave nervous boss and while Loosey thought she was out of her depth, Miguel was loving it. In my head, at least.

Elimination Day arrived with everyone splitting up to get Kevin Bacon-ified, with Sasha thrilled to get into old man drag before Mistress got into Loosey’s head saying she would be pulling her villainy from someone she knows called Doosey. Talk turned to the fucked up drag outlawings with everyone questioning why sharing love is a problem, with Loosey wisely pointing out that by drawing attention to drag queen story hour, conservatives are trying to distract from their many foibles. They then joked about the fact that heteros are the ones grooming children, gendering them and making life hard for kids that are questioning themselves already. And ugh, crown ‘em all at this point.

Ru, Michelle and Ross were joined on the panel by zaddy Orville Peck as the dolls took the stage for the debut and closing performance of Wigloose! The Rusical. And well, it was an absolute serve, though after Luke Perry’s overalls in 90210, I was always going to flood my basement at the sight of the back-up dancers in their looks. Loosey was all energy, though it felt like Luxx would have made more sense in the role. Sasha was hilarious as the bland old man (with the secretly iconic drag name, Ethel Sperman), Luxx was cute, Salina was solid, Mistress was a perfect villain while Anetra stole the show with her triumphant closing ballad. And again, crown her.

On the Everybody Say Glove runway, Loosey gave sexy Shape of Water realness, Anetra was a slutty, stunning blue rave goddess, Mistress was dripping in glamour in a golden gown, Luxx was glorious in a TLC inspired rave look, complete with broken arms before Salina stole the show with huge, red latex hand gloves. It was weird and I live for it. While Sasha was stunning as a baseball glove covered stirpper, superhero.

The dolls were all praised for delivering a killer show before Loosey’s energy was praised as she carried the show on her back. Oh and for looking cute on the runway. Anetra was praised for serving sex on the runway and for serving in the show, despite not having the biggest role. Mistress was praised for having fun and showing so much diversity, while Luxx was beloved for being silly and having a blast. But best believe she told the judges she was kind enough to let Loosey have the lead. Salina was praised for stepping out of her comfort zone while Sasha was beloved for taking the role to show she is willing to play with all the colours in the box. And well, it paid off. Big time.

Ru then asked the dolls to get shady, finally asking the question of who should go home with Loosey thrilled to call out Salina for her track record. Which obviously annoyed Salina, given she lifted her up in the Werk Room. Anetra agreed she had the weakest track record, Mistress wanted to get rid of Sasha as the biggest threat – she is over living in mother Colby’s meet and greet – before Luxx straight up critiqued her sisters by heaping them in praise. Except for Loosey, who she feels should go home for being generic. Salina called out Anetra and Loosey for naming her, so named Loosey with Sasha saying she doesn’t mind who goes out of Loosey and Luxx given they have two wins and are clearly competition.

Backstage Mistress spoke about how proud of them all she is, given they slayed the challenge. She and Sasha spoke about identifying threats because they were all so strong in the challenge and didn’t want to tear anyone down. While Loosey spiralled talking about how unique she is, while Mistress joked about wanting to send her out for just not liking her. And while Loosey admitted she knows she doesn’t hate her, it always feels like she thinks everyone hates her. Talk turned to Luxx telling the judges she ‘gave’ her the role, saying she too had actually given her the role. Even though Luxx was the last one to give it over, which is all that matters. Loosey tried to apologise to Salina for naming her, with Salina cussing her out for not effortlessly handling the question like Sasha and Mistress.

Mistress meanwhile explained the question has nothing to do with track record, otherwise you wouldn’t have to even ask it. While Anetra mentioned she just tried to duck the question. So yeah, you better duck that fucking question. Everyone spoke about being exhausted and missing home, leading to Anetra getting a call from her adorable bestie and dad and ugh, I’m crying too. Oh and then Orville dropped by to lavish the dolls with praise and TBH, I needed to go and get my breath back, because girl, he is fire.

Ultimately Mistress, Luxx and Sasha were deemed safe before Anetra took out her second win of the season, leaving Loosey and Salina to lip sync for their lives. And while Salina was ready to demolish to Kate Bush’s Running Up That Hill, both of the girls leant into the emotion of the song and given everyone was super strong this week, it kinda sorta felt like it defaulted back to the track records as Loosey was saved, finally eliminating Salina from the competition. And while it sucks, it was kinda her strongest week, which is always a nice one to go out on, no?

As we met up in the Werk Room, I reiterated how much she killed the challenge and that she should truly be proud of herself. Plus, making it as far as she did without a win is always a compelling All Stars plot point, meaning she is essentially guaranteed a place in the future. And could easily take out the win. I pulled her in for a hug and begged her to never lose sight of her power, because she has that it factor which makes her destined for greatness. Or at the very least, a big bowl of Breakfasalina Spaghettitties.

While on paper this looks like another lazy recipe – crack an egg on some spag bol – this is actually a delightful little number that will have you coming back for more. Comforting pasta and velvety eggs with a crispy parmesan crust? Honestly, I’m a genius.

Enjoy!

Breakfasalina Spaghettitties
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
1 tbsp butter
2 eggs
pepper, to taste
½ cup parmesan cheese, grated
2-3 cups leftover Dolognese Parton mixed through with the spaghetti

Method
Pop the butter in a skillet over medium heat and once gloriously foaming, crack the eggs into the pan. Reduce heat to low and divide the parmesan on top of each. Once the edges are rippling and set, gently flip over and bring the heat back up to medium and cook until the cheese is crisped to perfection. About five minutes, though if you want a softer egg, bring it off earlier.

Heat the leftover spag bol and divide between two serving bowls before topping each with a cheese crusted egg. And then devouring like an icon.


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Jeffle Varner

Main, Side, Snack, Survivor: Game Changers – Mamanuca Islands, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, Debbie was living it up on Exile yacht with Cockstain, while Brad and his interior design skillz were leading things at Mana while Sandra and Varner were on the bottom at new Nuku until Tai’s paranoia almost got to him. Sadly however, it didn’t, resulting in the confirmation that the Game Changers we are seeing is the darkest timeline as Sandra Diaz-Twine found herself voted out – for the first time ever – as the sixth boot.

I guess the one positive we can take from everything is that her display proved why she is the greatest of all time. Though the glorious timeline where she scores a hatrick is too much joy to comprehend …

Anyway, back at new Nuku Debbie regaled everyone with tails about how awful exile was, to garner sympathy. While Ozzy came for Tai, proving that last week’s tribal wasn’t an elaborate act for Sandra, before Tai gave the understatement of the year, acknowledging that he is terrible at tribal.

Varner however was ropeable and wanted to “punch them bitches in the throat-bone.” Thankfully his dear friend Zeke talked him off the ledge … and then proceeded to spill all the details about OG Nuku.

Wanting to avoid continuing Sandra’s wake, Jeff called in the tribes for the reward challenge – honouring Sandra’s legacy in the process – where the tribes had to untangle themselves from a big, hard pole, untangle some knots, release a big bag of balls and squeeze through some tight mesh before tossing their balls around … for pizza.

No t, no shade … but this is a reward to almost die for, Caleb … ok?

With a stellar performance, obviously, from Debbie – did you see that Brad? – Ozzy’s ball handling skills won out. Though in Brad and the Technicolour Boardshorts’ defense, he did a valiant job trying to catch-up.

Well not really, but dem boardies. YAS.

After suffering a crushing defeat, Cirie returned to the game to outline how horrible it was to miss out on reward and how by this point in the game, everyone was suffering … setting of a major pity party over at Mana.

Sierra joined us to outline how hungry she was and broke down, before Aubry joined in to say how hard it was to adjust when she got home … which is how Monica felt after getting home to Brad after Blood vs. Water.

Brad continued his redemption arc, talking about how tough Monica was and how only now is he starting to understand what she went through. Seriously, Brad and Mon are couple goals at this point.

Moved by his honesty, Aubry connected with Brad … forming what appears to be a tentative alliance.

Meanwhile over at Nuku, Ozzy talked about how important this victory was for the tribe as they progress to the next phase of the game. Debbie then babe-d Ozzy, giving me another couple goal.

Seeing how screwed he is, Varner approached Sarah to get rid of Ozzy given that the merge is approaching and they want to have a fighting chance in challenges. Sarah, the cahp turned criminal seemed receptive to cutting Ozzy’s throat and ride into the merge like a crook, see.

Not wanting to leave me for too long, Probst returned for the next immunity challenge which involved a dick-load of swimming, meaning Ozzy is probs safe given he is part dolphin. Despite an epic lead heading into the word puzzle portion, thanks of course to Ozzy, Hali and her passion for spelling took out immunity for Mana and continued her metamorphosis into a Survivor icon.

Here’s to the merge tribe ‘Merica II, right?

Back at camp Varner scrambled desperately to survive one more day to see ‘Merica II and hopefully for him … the jury. While Sarah pushed hard to get rid of Ozzy, Zeke explained why it is important for him to keep bigger threats around and that Sarah and Andrea would be trying to placate him … upsetting Varner, who wanted to get rid of Ozzy.

He then took said information to Sarah and Andrea, to try and get him in with them and make Zeke look closer with Ozzy.

Then at tribal we got to see how truly desperate and low he was willing to go to save himself, outing Zeke as a transgender man and setting off the ugliest yet all at once most beautiful tribal council.

Make no mistake, what Jeff did was wrong, disgusting and utterly horrific – we know that and thankfully he knows that – but hopefully the silver lining to this incident is that there can be a positive conversation around trans rights and visibility.

The reactions of Tai, Andrea, Ozzy, Debbie and Sarah gave me so much hope for humanity, as they immediately stood up for Zeke and defended his right to come out on his terms, and to direct his experience and personal narrative.

These people and Zeke’s words are why this tribal council can still be classified as beautiful.

As a cisgender gay man, I am somewhere in the middle of the privilege spectrum. While I have a mildly similar experience by being a part of the broader LGBT community, I am acutely aware of how much more privilege I have than Zeke just by being cisgender.

Zeke spoke beautifully about why he wasn’t open about his gender identity on the show and it broke my heart as it reminded me of how it felt to be labelled by others before I was comfortable … and that is why it stings just that little bit more coming from Jeff.

Being part of the community, he should have known better as he knows what it is like to have to process your identity and often even learn to just accept yourself. People deserve the right to share what they want with others, if and when they want to. Outing people is dangerous, particularly in the trans community in the current climate.

You shouldn’t need to to be a decent person, but Varner has likely experienced something very similar – not being ready to share or not wanting something to be the one thing you’re known for – and he should know far, far, far better. Whatever the reasoning, if it isn’t your truth, it isn’t your place to share.

Ever.

I reiterate that I think Jeff is remorseful and most importantly, Zeke was able to eloquently discuss how he felt and was kind enough to take the high road … when I for sure, would have gone low. Very low. So – and I feel so awkward using this as my segway into a recipe given the enormity of what happened – I felt comfortable enough to sit down with him and share a Jeffle Varner.

 

 

Given what went down and how it played out, I thought it best to whip up an easy, delicious snack – so no sweet Jeff Grand Varnier Mousse for you! – so that I could chastise him and discuss why we, as gay cisgendered men, should know better and how we owe it to our community to be the staunchest of allies.

I truly felt he was remorseful and agreed to smuggle in a heartfelt culinary apology to Zeke. Sadly though, Probst – who let’s just pause here to reiterate that moments like this highlight are why he is the best at what he does … give the man (if Ru can’t get a 2nd) another damn Emmy – wouldn’t let me smuggle in a very, very delicious jaffle, that reminds you of childhood and why leftovers are arguably the best. Plus, how do you go past adding even more carbs to spaghetti bolognese?

Exactly – enjoy!

And if you need more information on how to be a better ally, please follow Zeke/GLAAD’s advice because I know my ramblings can in no way get close to explaining the gravity of the situation and how important it is to stand up for equality. Remember to be kind, to both Zeke and Varner, even if he doesn’t deserve it,  … haterade is reserved for my (*gasp, shock* fake) celebrity friends.

 

 

Jeffle Varner
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
4 slices white bread
butter
1 cup leftover Dolognese Parton, including some spaghetti if you want it authentic … but that is up to you
½ shaved parmesan cheese

Method
Now this is insanely complex, so pay attention.

Start by turning on a jaffle iron and buttering the bread.

Divide the Dolognese across two slices.

Top each with parmesan and close the sandwiches with the remaining bread.

Butter the top of the bread and place butter-side down on the jaffle iron.

Butter the remaining pieces of bread and close the machine.

Cook until the red light turns green … aka five minutes or so, and the bread golden and the parmesan gooey, JIC your machine is old and the lights don’t work.

 

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