Beygel Knowles

Baking, Grammy Gold, Grammy Gold: Golden Little Pill, Side, Snack, Vegetarian

We’ve made it to the end of the Grammy Gold road and it has been nothing short of an emotional rollercoaster. Between Elts and I ending a decades long feud, Salt-n-Peps shooping over to down some squid, Braff and I also working to rekindle a friendship, Nells dropping by to convince me she was still making music and well, barely surviving the sexual tension between groffsauce and I, I am absolutely spent.

But hold up, that doesn’t mean our final visit was going to be cancelled so get in formation – my favourite Knowles-Z, Beyoncé, is finally dropping by for a visit!

As you know, I’ve been a close member of the Knowles clan since starting a fight club in (Whitney) Houston and Bey and I have been best friends ever since.

That being said, I sadly haven’t seen Bey in the flesh since the infamous Met Ball of 2014 … though I was the first to find out about her latest pregnancy. Also yes, the rumours are true – if they are both girls, she will be calling them Kelly and Michelle and if they are boys … Ben and Jamin.

Anywho, Bey appeared – nay, manifested – under the cover of darkness to avoid alerting the media to her pre-Grammy visit and ran straight into my arms.

“Ben, they don’t love you like I love you. You’re irreplaceable, I’ve missed you my little Sasha Fierce.”

“You liked it, well you should have put a ring on it my Dreamgirl!”

We held each other like best friends do and laughed – though I think a part of her was serious – in front of a large wall of imported flowers, covered in a veil, while discussing the upcoming awards.

I’d like to make one thing clear – yes, even Bey thinks she is going to sweep the pool. But who can really blame her? I mean, she has already won 20 Grammys and we both know that the academy is terrified of getting yelled out by our mutual friend Kanye.

Despite it being an evening catch-up, Bey had one pregnant craving she needed me to help with, so I gladly whipped up a big batch of my Beygel Knowles.

 

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I love bagels. Love them. So much. I mean, if you could marry a food I would have put a ring on it already.

My favourite, like these babies, are cinnamon and raisin. I mean, they are a gift from the gods … like Queen Bey. So get boilin’ and bakin’ and get in formation to celebrate her upcoming nine new Grammys.

Enjoy!

 

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Beygel Knowles
Serves: one pregnant angel and her babin’ chum. I am the babin’ chum, FYI. Also FYI, it makes 8.

Ingredients
500g 00 flour
¼ cup caster sugar
1½ tsp table salt
7g dried yeast
1 tbsp ground cinnamon
125g raisins (or sultanas but they are as juicy as I feel around Jon)
1 egg, beaten

Method
Combine the flour, sugar, salt, yeast, cinnamon and raisins in a large bowl for the stand mixer. Using the dough hook by hand, slowly stir in 300ml of warm water until everything is wet. Transfer to the stand mixer and knead for about 10 minutes, or until smooth and elastic. If you need more water, add it a tablespoon at a time. Place the dough in a large oiled bowl and allow to prove for an hour or so, or until doubled in size.

While it is proving itself preheat the oven to 180°C.

When the dough is as big for its britches as Tay Tay when she beat Bey – remember that controversy? – knock it back to size and break into 8 equal pieces. Roll them into balls and push a finger through the centre to form a ring. Place on a lined baking tray and allow to prove for half an hour.

While they are proving again, bring a pot of water to boil.

Once the bagels have double in size, drop them into the water one at a time, and cook for thirty seconds each side. Transfer to a wire rack and continue until done.

Transfer them to a lined baking sheet, brush with the egg and bake for about fifteen minutes, or until golden brown.

Devour, slathered in butter or cream cheese. Like a Queen.

 

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Jay Zucchini Bake

Main, Snack

Gol-ly! You have no idea how much I have missed my boy Jay Z.

As you know, I’m a very close friend of the Knowles-Z clan having met both Jay and Bey in the 90s, suggesting they collaborated in the 00s and leading to the birth of the first family of music. You’re welcome.

Now – full disclosure – my relationship with Jay hasn’t always lead to positive things. Obviously.

We first met in the mid 90s when I tried to jack the car he was selling his CDs out of. While I regret trying to rob him – it was the 90s and I needed to by coke to stay thin while I worked on Models Inc. – the ensuing media coverage of our bitter trial grabbed the attention of Priority Records and lead to the release of his first album.

It was the guilt I felt about my failed robbery that lead to me stabbing Lance Rivera for him in ‘99. Obviously, I expect you to respect my privacy / not tell the authorities the truth. Thanks.

Anyway, after the wild years and a couple of stints in rehab, I introducing Jay and Bey and the rest, is history.

JayBey have been all over the news following the release of her latest opus, Lemonade but thankfully I was able to shy away from the negative publicity despite being Becky and threw that shrew Rachael Ray – she knows what she did – under the bus.

Given the tragic hate-crime that occurred in Orlando over the weekend, our catch-up was a little more somber than usual as it truly hit home to both of us, as we understand what it is like to be persecuted for simply being.

So with hope that America may finally release their balls from the vice-like grip of the NRA / Charlton Heston’s ghost and that everyone across the planet could just learn to be a little bit kinder and let people live, even simply, without fear of judgement or persecution, we sat down to a comforting meal of Jay Zucchini Bake.

 

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Like the human race, the bake is a mish mash of vibrant, unique veggies, sharp cheese, delicate eggs and salty bacon that when combined forms a perfectly fluffy dish that proves, once and for all I say, that joining together because of our differences is when magic truly happens.

Enjoy – I promise to not be so heavy next week.

 

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Jay Zucchini Bake
Serves: 4-6 for dinner, 8-10 for lunches or snacks.

Ingredients
6 rashers bacon, diced
1 cup corn kernels, fresh or frozen, it doesn’t matter
2 zucchinis, grated
1 large carrot, grated
1 onion, diced
½ red capsicum, diced
250g goat’s cheese
1 cup flour
2 tsp baking powder
6 eggs
⅓ cup oil
⅓ cup freshly grated parmesan

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Heat a skillet over medium heat and fry the bacon until it is just starting to get crispy. Add the corn and cook for a further couple of minutes before removing it from the heat. You can avoid frying the corn if you can’t be bothered, this is more important if you’re using frozen corn as you need to remove as much liquid as possible.

While the bacon and corn are resting, combine the zucchini, carrot, onion and capsicum in a large bowl. Crumble in the goat’s cheese and mix through the cooled bacon / corn mix, flour and baking powder.

At this point I should probably mentioned that the order of this recipe really doesn’t matter at all, but I am kind of anal and this is how I do it … always. Just because.

Anyway, aside over. Whisk the oil and eggs together in a measuring jug or something of the ilk, and add it to the bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper and stir to combine.

Pour the mix into a large baking dish, cover with the parmesan and bake for about 30 minutes, or until golden and set.

 

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He got 99 problems but this bitch ain’t one

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

When I was in the U.S. for memorial day, I was out in Brooklyn but then went down to Tribeca to see if my dear friends Bey and Jay were free to catch-up and help them work through their Becky related issues.

Full disclosure: the song is about me. Becky = Benny.

Sadly they were busy – I think Jay was scared I was wanting to put him in his place for discussing fight club way back when – so told them to drop by and visit me when they get a chance. Cut to last week when Hiz secured the nomination and Jay called to say he’d fly down to hang, knowing I was best placed to keep them on the Oval Office speed-dial during the next term.

Blue Ivy, my god-daughter, and Bey are busy selling Lemonade on their stoop to quench the thirst of New Yorkers, so Jay is flying solo. They are truly saintly. But of course, I’ve digressed.

What do I make when Jay catches me in the kitchen like Simmons’ whipping pastry?

Picture source: Unknown.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Duck à la Solange

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Where do I even begin to explain the deep, complex, passionate platonic-love story between us and our dear friend SoKnow?

We first met So during the late 90s, when the world was quickly falling crazy in love with Beyoncé and the rest of the destiny’s children. SoKnow, filled with so much creative talent and energy, needed a way to burn through her untapped potential and joined the Upper Whitney Houston chapter of our Extreme Fight Club.

SoKnow excelled from a young age (picture a kind, likeable version of Ronda Rousey) and rose through to ranks where we met her at our EFC Centre in East Hollywood – did I mention we turned it into a religion/cult like Scientology?

Our bond with Solange was instantaneous and continued over the decades, with So becoming one of our most trusted friends, advisors and confidantes. She was the only person we trusted to keep Jay-Z in line after breaking the first rule of fight club, to not talk about fight club.

Obviously as founders, we are exempt from such rules. Jay-Z is not above the rules.

It was so great catching up with SoKnow after such a busy year – we hadn’t realised that our hard work had led us to our 100th recipe milestone, but you better believe she did.

Knowing our penchant for wanky gifts, she looked through Chloe Sevigny’s list of must haves (I mean, who doesn’t want to never speak to Jeanne Tripplehorn again) and arrived with a vintage half-kaftan by Vivienne Westwood Gold Label, an ironic art smock by Balenciaga le dix, imitation pants by Cacharel and stand-up comedy classes.

The only way we could repay her support, kindness and generosity was a meal of our famous Duck à la Solange.

 

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The 80s have had a strong impact on our lives, none more so than the delicacies of a kitsch kitchen. While I have always had a soft spot for the idea of Duck à l’orange, I hate orange in cooking. Enter, the sublimeness of SoKnow – crispy skin duck with Grand Marnier and sour cherry glaze to dial back the overpowering orange flavour, leaving you with a gloriously rich, tangy citrus to cut through the duck.

Enjoy!

Oh, and thank you for reading – you’re the best and you’re beautiful, but not as good or as beautiful as us. Obviously.

 

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Duck à la Solange
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
2 duck breasts
1 tsp salt
1 sprig rosemary, finely chopped
2 tbsp unsalted butter
1 cup pitted cherries
freshly ground black pepper, to taste
30ml Grand Marnier
½ cup chicken stock
1 tsp cornflour

Method
Score the skin of each duck breast with diagonal lines, cutting into the fat but not into the flesh and rub with the salt and chopped rosemary.

On a medium hot pan, seal the skin side of the duck breasts for about 10 minutes, skimming the fat if it gets too excessive. Once the skin has crisped, turn the breast over and seal on the other side. Cook the breasts for a total of about 20 minutes, turning for a few minutes to seal the remaining sides. Remove from the pan and leave to rest in a warm place for about 15 minutes.

Add the butter to the dark fat and cook to a nut brown before adding the cherries and a good whack of pepper. Deglaze the pan with the Grand Marnier and then add the stock and cornflour, increasing the temperature until the sauce has reduced down to a syrupy glaze.

Serve the duck on crispy fried potatoes or fried broccolini, doused in the cherry-citrus glaze.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.