Chicken ParmiGina Gershon

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Annelie and I pride ourselves on having our fingers on the pulse of everything celebrity, fame, entertainment and style, so you can imagine the shame we feel for not realising that a) Lifetime, the greatest film producer on the planet, made a movie about our dear friend Donatells and b) that our other dear friend Gina Gershon played her in said movie.

How on earth did we miss it?

Obviously Gina was hurt that we missed her Emmy-snubbed performance of a life…time and that we didn’t get her in touch with Telly for research, but thankfully our beautiful past and promise of some great collaborations quickly turned the visit around.

(We had to lie through our teeth about her appearance on Glee being good for her image, but you do what you’ve got to do to maintain a friendship).

Gina was very thankful she missed our Carnival Week celebrations (for peasants and hicks, she said). Being a Cali girl, she was loving the mild Brisbane winter and I must say, it really brought the best out of us creatively, both in dance (gotta be warm enough for midriffs and nipple tassels) and scripting (Magic Showgirls XXX is going to win Oscars, guaranteed – obviously if Elizabeth Berkley agrees to reprise Nomi and Annelie and I co-star as rival divas).

With such laborious and meaningful work being undertaken, a big, sentimental meal was required, so we opted for the Chicken ParmiGina Gershon. Funny story, we first made Giny the ParmiGina after getting into a brutal altercation with Jan Draboltchka on the set of Face/Off resulting in him literally losing his face, leading to a re-write of the script and a bump down to co-star for poor Gins.

She is pretty forgiving, but I guess that goes with the territory of being friends with us.

 

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Like Gina, we like our parmies to be smokin’, saucy and to leave you wanting more. We also like them to be liberal with the breast.

Enjoy!

 

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Chicken ParmiGina Gershon
Serves: 2-4, breast dependent.

Ingredients
2 large, skinless chicken breasts, halved through the middle
2 eggs
1 cup plain flour
¼ cup breadcrumbs
¼ cup polenta
2 tbsp parmesan, grated
1 tbsp olive oil
3 garlic cloves, crushed
2 cups passata
2 tsp dried oregano
8-12 slices smoked ham
small bunch fresh basil
125g ball mozzarella, sliced

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Beat eggs in a large(ish) bowl. In a second bowl, combine breadcrumbs, polenta and parmesan. Chuck the flour, or you know place it gently, in a third bowl.

Place the halved chicken breasts between cling film sheets and bash out with a rolling pin until they are about 1cm thick (don’t worry too much about this…mine generally end up looking pretty ugly anyway). Dip the fillet in flour, followed by the egg, then the breadcrumb/polenta/parmesan mix. Place in the oven to bake for 20-30 minutes, flipping halfway through.

Heat oil and cook garlic for 1 min, then tip in passata and oregano. Season, generously (even add a pinch of raw sugar if you want) and simmer for 5-10 minutes.

Remove chicken from the oven. Drizzle a thin layer of tomato sauce over the chicken, cover with a few slices of the ham, pour some more tomato sauce over the chicken, place a few basil leaves on top and covered with the sliced mozzarella. I then scatter some extra Parmesan for good measure but that is only because I love me some cheese. Return to the oven and bake for 5-10 minutes or until the sauce is bubbling and the cheese is melted and golden.

Serve with fries. Copious amounts of fries.

 

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Someone younger and hungrier coming down the stairs after you

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

It is a little known fact that some of the most seminal films of our time, were actually based on our lives.

We first met our friend and Jazz in Your Face member, Gina Gershon, on the set of one such film, Pretty in Pink – I used to make a living in Hollywood in the late 70s using my Janome to turn perfectly nice dresses into complete messes, although I did it ironically, as art.

Bonding over our love of sexualised dance, we formed a quick friendship with Giny and built our dance portfolio until we were noticed by the creators of Showgirls who wanted to make a film on our lives. You do not want to know how many flights of stairs were utilised to secure our fame.

Giny is in town wanting to work on some new routines for Jazz in Your Face with the hope it could lead to a reboot-crossover film between Showgirls and Magic Mike. What says let’s shake our groove things and get us show girls back on the road?

Picture source: DVT/Star Max/FilmMagic.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Andrew Turkeegan Leg

Carnival Week, Party Food

I’m ashamed to say Andrew Keegan is one of the few in hollywood that has managed to pull the wool over our eyes. Keegs contacted us while his fleeting career was spiralling into deeper irrelevance with an idea – we should join him and start a cult spiritual movement dedicated to Danny Tanner – Full Circle.

Andrew lured us in with a crimp and the next thing we know we had been given new identities – Uncle Jesse and Michelle Tanner, and became the guardians of the revered Full Circle parrot, Krishna.

Despite there being nothing Full House about this spiritual movement, we saw an opportunity to make some sly cash on the side. As a result of our entrepreneurial endeavours, were recently involved in Andrew’s legal troubles – Ben was technically in double-trouble (but not in an Olsen twins kind of way). Not only was he illegally importing SCOBY from Australia and selling it on to Full Circle, he was also representing Keegan in the media when it turned out his kombucha was more hooch than health tonic.

Obviously, our total ignorance of kombucha’s alcoholic potential (and total addiction to it) forced us back into rehab – but that is a story for another time.

Now that we are out, it is time to catch up with Keegs and do some duping of our own. While we can’t lure him in with a crimp, we can lure him in with delicious, delicious bacon and turkey.

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The Turkeegan* leg embodies the free-spirited world of Full Circle. Designed to be eaten on the run (from the cops or otherwise) it is the ideal comfort/carnie food to soothe Keeg’s soul.

*May or may not be impostor poultry. Suckaaaaaa Keegs!

turkEEGAN 3

Andrew Turkeegan Leg
Serves: 4

Ingredients
4 turkey legs (or chicken, we won’t tell)
8-12 slices streaky bacon
1 cup hot sauce
4 tablespoons brown sugar
2 tablespoons apple cider vinegar
Rice bran oil to fry

Method
Mix hot sauce, brown sugar and vinegar together. Coat the turkey legs and allow to marinate for at least three hours.

Preheat oven to 180 degrees celsius. Remove turkey legs from marinade. Wrap each turkey leg in 2-3 slices of streaky bacon, securing with toothpicks as you go.

Heat some rice bran oil in a hot pan. Thoroughly brown each turkey leg and place on a lined baking tray. Bake in hot oven for 30-45 minutes or until turkey leg is cooked through.

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Candy Apple Spelling

Carnival Week, Dessert, Sweets

High society folk like us have many ways of making friends – some admittedly more glamorous than others. While I’d love to say Ben and I met our greatest gal-pals during our prep-school education at Chilton, we actually spent our teenage years at 267th best public school in the United States – Beverly Hills High.

It was on these sacred grounds that we first met the delightful Candy Marer, more commonly known as Candy Spelling. We spent our high school days generally sass-mouthing ugly children and behaving like a self-proclaimed mean girl clique. It was glorious, and Candy was our queen.

Fast-forward a few years and Ben and I were the most dazzling bridesmaids ever as Candy Marer became Candy Spelling. Aaron was quite the handsy fellow at the wedding, a handsy-ness we enjoyed and encouraged and would ultimately mark the demise of our great friendship with Candy.

After Aaron’s death in 2006, Candy turned to her closest BFFs for comfort only to find out that we were aggressively pursuing the estate for the contents of the wrapping room. While we obtained the most luxurious gift wrap supply known to man, our relationship with Candy was destroyed.

As it turns out, we really miss Candy and it is time to make amends. What says here is a sweetener to bring you back into our lives?

 

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After all, nothing says ‘I’m sorry’ like a piece of impaled fruit covered with jaw-breaking, blood red candy.

 

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Candy Apple Spelling
Serves: 6

Ingredients
2 cups sugar
1/2 cup water
1/2 cup glucose syrup
1-2 teaspoons red food colouring
6 medium granny smith apple
6 extra thick barbecue skewers

Method
Wash and dry the apples and firmly skewer through the core with a barbecue skewer. Line a tray with non-stick baking paper.

Combine water, sugar and glucose syrup in a saucepan. Cook over medium heat, without stirring for 20 minutes or until a candy thermometer registers 150 degrees celsius (hard crack stage). Add food colouring, tipping the saucepan gently to mix.

Working quickly, dip skewered apples into candy mixture until coated. Set aside on baking paper until firm and cool.

 

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Candice Burgern

Carnival Week, Main, Party Food

While most people fell in love with Candice Bergen as TV’s erstwhile queen, Murphy Brown, Annelie and I first met and befriended Candi on the set of her Oscar nominated turn in Starting Over where we were working as assistants to our close friend Jill Clayburgh.

We also got our friend Kevie Bacon a role but that is a story for another time.

We saw something special in Candi and she us, and it was only Candice who was able to mend the feud between Annelie and I on set after we realised the other was also sleeping with Burt Reynolds.

Candice was in town to commence work on a gritty-Murphy Brown reboot we envision on Netflix. While we are just in the planning stages, we know Sorkin is interested in finding a project to work on with us, so this could be the ticket.

Planning a future critically acclaimed reboot can be draining work, so we made sure to relax at the Ekka (Candi has always wanted to attend) and refuel with our famous Candice Burgern.

 

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While Australians are apparently terrible at making burgers, we would argue that Candice’s eponymous burger is a pretty simple classic elevated by a Shake Shack inspired sauce that packs a little kick.

Enjoy!

 

Candice Burgern_2

 

Candice Burgern
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
4 hamburger buns
500g beef mince
8 rashers shortcut bacon
8 slices of cheddar, from the block
2 tomatoes, sliced
spinach leaves, to taste
sliced gherkin, to taste

Sauce
½ cup mayonnaise
1 tbsp ketchup
1 tbsp mustard
1 dill pickle
¼ tsp garlic powder
¼ tsp paprika
Pinch cayenne pepper

Method
Place mince in a medium bowl, draining as much excess fluid as possible, and season generously with salt and pepper. Work the mince until it is coming together and form into four equal size patties. Place on a cling-lined plate and refrigerate for 30 mins to an hour.

While burgers are chilling, combine all sauce ingredients in a blender/food processor and work until smooth. Transfer to a small bowl, cover in cling and place in fridge until ready to use.

While the sauce is enjoying the company of the patties, get to work slicing your cheese, tomatoes, gherkin and washing the spinach leaves aka mise en place-ing like a boss.

Remove patties from the fridge and place a large frying pan over medium heat until it is warm. Slice buns in half and fry, face down, until lightly toasted. Transfer to a plate, repeating the process until they are all done.

Fry bacon rashers until crispy and cooked, turning mid-way through. Remove to a plate and keep warm.

Place patties in the fry pan and fry for 3-5 minutes before flipping. Once flipped, cover the cooked side of the patties with cheese and fry for a further 3-5 minutes. Remove the pan from heat.

Now to the annoying part, assembly! I always get anxious when putting burgers together as they have a tendency to fall apart, but this order seems to be less terrible than others I’ve done resulting in the top half sliding on to the floor.

Remove sauce from fridge and liberally coat. each side of the buns. Line the base with sliced tomato and top with spinach leaves. Carefully place the hot, cheesy patty on top of the spinach (this kind of wilts the spinach and helps it stay together), then the bacon and gherkin.

Then quickly close the burger and devour so that you can’t disprove my theory that this order builds a stable burger. Thanks!

Oh, obviously serve generously with freshly cooked fries.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

BanAnna Chlumsky Split

Carnival Week, Dessert, Party Food, Sweets

It is probably quite hard to comprehend, but there was once a time when Annelie and I were not on the A-List. I know, crazy.

We first met our friend Anna Chlumsky when we were all extras on Uncle Buck while we were just struggling child stars. Obviously smelling success, Annelie and I hitched our wagon to Macaulay Culkin and commenced a decade long struggle with sobriety as part of his entourage.

But now I’ve gone too far. Two years following our time working together on Uncle Buck, we were reunited on the set of My Girl and formed a close bond with Annie Chlum.

While she disapproved of our addiction and dealing, she was greatly appreciative of our vision quest inspired script re-writes killing off Mac and making her the star. Not to mention writing her the most heartbreaking moment of any movie ever (until that moment in Inside Outside, obviously).

While we wrote the script for My Girl 2, we briefly lost touch on account of our countless deportations and stints in rehab after we failed to snag our first Oscars. Thankfully fate found a way to keep us together and reunited us when we were hired to write aggressive, expletive ridden insults for Armando Iannucci’s scripts and have been extremely close ever since.

Anna thought it best to pop over and relax before the Emmy Awards and visit the Ekka, which she has heard so much about in Hollywood. (Plus, getting her picture with us in Brisbane is a sure way to snag last minute votes).

Wanting to take her back to the innocent(ish) time we shared on the My Girl sets we made our famous BanAnna Chlumsky Split, which was the only thing that could cheer her up after a harrowing day filming Thomas J’s funeral.

 

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While splits are a pretty simple dessert to whip up, we were inspired by Magnolia Bakery’s famous Banana Pudding and found a way to make it, well, better.

We opt out of the ice cream and cream and instead go with the pudding mix two ways. Trust us, you will never go back. With that, we have kindly borrowed the recipe for the mix from Magnolia as there is no way we could ever top it.

Enjoy!

 

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BanAnna Chlumsky Split
Serves: 4, with pudding leftover to boot.

Ingredients
4 bananas, peeled and sliced in half
¼ to ½ cup salted peanuts, roughly chopped
8 maraschino cherries
coconut oil, for frying

Pudding
1 ½ cups water
⅔ cup instant vanilla pudding mix
1 395g can sweetened condensed milk
3 cups heavy cream

Hot Fudge Sauce
⅔ cup double cream
½ cup Golden Syrup
⅓ cup dark brown sugar
¼ cup cocoa powder
¼ teaspoon sea salt
175g dark chocolate, chopped
2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Method
Pudding
Mix together the water, pudding mix and condensed milk until smooth, and refrigerate for about four hours.

Four hours later, whip the double cream until soft peaks form. Fold the whipped cream into the pudding mixture in thirds, until well incorporated. Transfer half of the pudding mixture into an airtight container and freeze for about six hours, placing the remaining pudding back in the fridge. Covered with cling, obviously.

Hot Fudge Sauce
Bring the cream, syrup, sugar, cocoa, salt and half of the chocolate to boil in a small saucepan over medium-high heat. Reduce the heat to maintain a low simmer, and cook for five minutes, stirring occasionally.

Remove from the heat and stir in the remaining chocolate, butter, and vanilla extract, until smooth. Let to cool for 20 minutes.

(If you don’t use all of the fudge, which you probably won’t, store in an airtight container in the fridge for about a week).

Bananas and assembly
Preheat a griddle until nice and hot, and lightly oil the pan with coconut oil. While the pan in heating, removing the pudding from both the freezer and the fridge.

Place the banana halves on the hot pan, flat side down and fry for 1-2 minutes. Now, sometimes I ace the next part and other times I just shouldn’t bother. Using a flat spatula, flip the bananas and fry on the other side for a minute or until lightly caramelised. Repeat until all bananas are cooked.

Sometimes the banana gets soft, so don’t worry too much if you make a mess.

Now get to work on with the plating by placing two halves of the bananas in a bowl. Top with two or three generous scoops of the frozen pudding. Drizzle, again generously, with hot fudge sauce and scatter, you guessed it … generously, the peanuts on top.

Then top complete the majesty, dollop on a large scoop of the refrigerated pudding aka pudding, and top with a couple of maraschino cherries.

Devour, messily.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Snoop Daggywood Dogg

Carnival Week, Party Food, Snack

Ok, so full disclosure, we pretty much hate every aspect of a carnival aside from the food. I mean between the nature and the general public, it is terrifying. We are the people that inspired Eva Gabor’s character in Green Acres, after all.

We are more urban people, which coincidentally is where we first met our dear friend Snoop Dogg (slash Lion). Snoop shared a dealer, Nancy Botwin, with us back in the early 2000s when we were staunch supporters of MILF Weed.

As we were all crazy stoned, friendship quickly blossomed between us and were initiated into his gang after scoring him a role in Starsky & Hutch with our frenemy Stiller. We then went back in time to help him co-write his hit song Gin and Juice.

As most of our catch-ups involve having the munchies (and the fact that being stoned helps going to a carnival), we opted for a pre-Ekka meal of Snoop Daggywood Doggs.

Obviously we then stayed in and got crazy stoned and spun each other in circles. Such a better choice.

 

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Crispy, crunchy and nothing close to something you’d consider healthy, these are best dipped generously in tomato sauce. If you’re wild, mustard is a bit of fun too.

Fun fact, the Snoop Daggywood Doggs are so delicious that they were the catalyst for the notorious gang fight / murder in ‘93. Thankfully our lawyer Johnnie Cochran was free to help Snoop out!

Enjoy!

 

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Snoop Daggywood Dogg
Serves: 3 very stoned friends.

Ingredients
⅓ cup polenta
1 cup plain flour, plus extra for dusting
1 tsp bicarb soda
1 tsp baking powder
¼ tsp cayenne pepper
pinch of salt
2 tbsp caster sugar
1 egg, lightly beaten
1 ⅓ cups buttermilk
8 frankfurts
8 skewers
vegetable oil, to fry
tommy sauce and mustard, to serve

Method
Place polenta, flour, bicarb of soda, baking powder, cayenne pepper, sugar and ½ tsp salt in a bowl and stir to combine. Stir in egg, then, gradually stir in enough buttermilk to make a smooth, thick batter.

Fill a large saucepan one-third full with oil and heat over medium heat until a chunk of bread turns golden in about 10 seconds. Place extra flour in a shallow bowl and, working with one hot dog at a time, dust in flour, shaking off the excess, then, coat liberally in batter. Holding one end of the dog with tongs, gently drop into oil and fry for 3-5 minutes or until crisp and golden. You may need to turn them halfway through. Drain on paper towel.

Thread corn dogs onto skewers and serve immediately with tommy sauce and mustard.

For classic look, dip the tip in the tommy sauce.

The tip of the meat, obviously.

Meat as in the Snoop Daggywood Dogg, obviously.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Once a carnie, always a carnie

Carnival Week, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

As you’ve come to learn, Annelie and I are passionate supporters of all things cultural; I would go as far as to say that we are probably the foremost cultural experts in the country. No, the world.

You would also be aware that the best Carnival / Exhibition / Show / County Fair in the world according to its sponsors, the Ekka aka the Royal Queensland Show, is currently on and we felt it was our duty to get into the spirit and celebrate the important parts of the show.

No, not the cultural displays. Not the showbags, not the competitions, not the rides..the food.

Fun fact, but Annelie and I spent a few years manning the Tilt-A-Whirl at a carnival in beautiful Mount Rose, Minnesota until we left following an unplanned pregnancy leading to the birth of my daughter who grew up to inspire Drop Dead Gorgeous.

While we left town and eventually our calling, the carnie spirit has always remained in our blood so we decided to invite some of our closest celebrity friends over to get in on the refined culinary fun.

Welcome to Carnival Week!

Picture source: FOX.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Linda Bundt Cake

Cake, Dessert, Sweets

We often discuss how haters and the cynical would likely assume our friendships are all fake and for attention or to better position ourselves, but hands-on-our-hearts these people are truly our friends (we aren’t Real Housewives here guys) and none are closer to us, than dearest Linda Hunt.

So close, that Linda doesn’t trust anyone but us to cut her hair. We first took over the role of hairdresser the weekend of the ‘84 Oscars; we were on an epic coke binge the night before the show, which was the style of the time. Linds noticed she needed a trim before her moment in the spotlight, so Annelie and I stepped up to the plate and her signature hairstyle was born.

While we have been known to miss the mark on occasion, Linda has never held our relapses that result in Gale-in-Scream 3-esque fringes against us.

The last couple of days have just been a dream; touring the city, gossiping about Mel and Chris and reminiscing about all the good times we have shared. We needed something sweet to cap off her stay, so went with a delicious Linda Bundt Cake.

 

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I am an absolute fiend for peanut butter and chocolate, so first made the filling as a test of how compatible Linda, Annelie and I were for friendship. Between the salty goodness of the peanut butter and the creamy sweetness of the chocolate, they passed with flying colours and the cake became tradition.

Enjoy!

 

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Linda Bundt Cake
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
Chocolate peanut butter filling
75g plain flour
30g soft unsalted butter
1 tsp ground cinnamon
150g crunchy peanut butter
125g chocolate, melted

Cake
300g plain flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp bicarbonate of soda
125g soft unsalted butter
150g caster sugar
2 eggs
250ml sour cream
icing sugar, to garnish

Method
Preheat the oven to 180°C. Generously grease a 23cm bundt tin and place to the side.

First, start on the filling by mixing together the flour and butter with a fork, until you end up with a wet sand looking mixture that clumps together. Then mix in the cinnamon, peanut butter and melted chocolate, to form a sticky, claggy paste. Set aside, it can hang with the bundt tin and bond.

Now on to the cake batter! Combine the flour, baking powder and bicarb into a bowl.

Cream the butter and sugar until light and pale in an electric mixer, then beat in 1 tablespoon of the flour mixture, then 1 egg. Then beat in another tablespoonful of flour mixture, you guessed it, followed by the remaining egg. With the mixer still running, add the rest of the flour mixture, once combined add the sour cream and mix until you have a light, thick batter. That isn’t very long, btw.

Spoon roughly half the cake batter into the bundt tin, pushing the mixture up the sides and the middle to create a coating of batter on the sides with a trough in the middle, otherwise you will have some filling leakage and that would be awkward.

With that, spoon the gooey filling into the through in the batter. Cover the filling with the remaining batter, smooth the top and place in the oven to bake for 40 minutes, checking with a cake tester after 30 minutes.

Once done aka the cake tester comes out clean where it hits the sponge, let the cake cool on a wire rack for 15 minutes in its tin before trying to turn out. After the waiting time, loosen the edges including the centre part and turn the cake out onto the rack.

When cooled completely, lightly dust with icing sugar and devour. Or just eat when slightly warm and let the still gooey centre fill you with joy.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

NCIBless

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Following our work preparing Mickey Rooney for his role in Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Annelie and I became the go-to members of Hollywood’s elite for any guidance on appropriate representations of cultures and ethnicities in film, which lead to our first meeting with our dear best friend Linda Hunt.

It was 1982 and Linds was preparing to play the role of Billy Kwan in her acclaimed breakthrough performance in The Year of Living Dangerously, when our pal Mel suggested that we be brought on to coach her on representing a Chinese-Australian and help her with her dialect.

Friendship quickly blossomed during the arduous hours on set perfecting her Oscar winning performance and we eventually became best friends following an aggressive bar-fight with Sigs Weaver and her posse at the wrap party.

Linda has a late start for filming of the latest season of NCIS: LA and wanted to make the most of it and spend some time with her besties, so is dropping over for the week.

What says hey girlfriend, we miss you, love you and don’t know how you and LL survive working with Chris O’Donnell on the daily? He is just the worst.

Picture source: TVGuide.com.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.