Fruit Mince Pylie Jenner

Dessert, Keeping it Kardashian Khristmas, Snack, Sweets

As the youngest member of the Kardashian-Jenner empire, Kylie has a lot of fantastic role models to look up to but she still looks to us for guidance and support, as her beloved god-parents.

Kylie was such a sweet angel when she was born and you just knew she was destined for greatness.

When Annelie was contemplating pursuing medicine, it was only Kyles who was able to provide her with a rational ear, great advice and the lips to see if she would be interested in going into plastics.

You see, she actually only lied about having surgery to avoid getting Annelie in trouble for using C-grade construction cement before even getting into med. Talk about a ride or (nearly) die friend!

Kyles was only able to take a brief amount  of time out of her busy hair-extension and lip contouring schedule to drop by and celebrate Khristmas with her godparents, so we opted for a sweet treat of our Fruite Mince Pylie Jenners.

 

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I used to loathe fruit mince pies on account of their odd mouth feel and the irrational decision that they were filled with just dried fruit and beef or aspic; then I had fresh ones and my life was changed.

These pillowy delights are heavenly, sweet and full of tart cranberries that make them sing. But well, not like Kris.

Enjoy!

 

Fruit Mince Pylie Jenner_2

 

Fruit Mince Pylie Jenner
Makes: 48(ish). Aka heaps.

Ingredients
Mincemeat
60ml brandy
75g muscovado sugar
300g cranberries
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp ground ginger
½ tsp ground cloves
75g currants
75g raisins
30g dried cranberries
finely grated zest and juice of 1 orange
25ml brandy
3 drops almond extract
½ tsp vanilla extract
2 tbsp honey

Pastry
250g plain flour
50g icing sugar
125g cold unsalted butter, cubed
1 egg
milk (splash)

Method
Mincemeat
In a large pan, dissolve the sugar in the brandy (60ml) over a gentle heat before adding the fresh (aka frozen in Australia) cranberries, cinnamon, ginger, cloves, currants, raisins, dried cranberries and the zest and juice of the orange.

Bring to a gentle simmer and cook for 20 minutes, or until the fruit has started to soften and has absorbed most of the liquid in the pan. Remove from the heat and allow to cool.

Add the remaining brandy, almond extract, vanilla extract and honey and stir well with a wooden spoon to mash the mixture down into a paste. Spoon the mincemeat into sterilised jars (you know the drill thanks to Meryl) and store in the fridge for up to two weeks.

Pastry
Sieve the flour and icing sugar into a large mixing bowl.

Using your fingertips, gently rub the butter into the flour and sugar until it starts to resemble wet sand.

Add the egg and a dash of milk, and work together until you have a ball. Be careful not to overwork it.

Pat the ball into a thick round disc, wrap in cling film and leave to rest in the fridge for 30 minutes.

Pies
To make the pies you will need a mini tart tin, a small circular object for cutting (we use an upturned shot glass) and a miniature star cutter (just to be like Nigella).

Preheat the oven to 220°C.

When the 30 minutes is up, remove it from the fridge and roll it out on a lightly dusted surface until it is roughly 5mm thick.

Cut out the circles a little wider than the indentations in the tart tins, so that they are tall enough in the tart tins, gently pressing them into shape as you go. Once the tray is full of pastry, add roughly a teaspoon of mincemeat to each pie before topping with a mini pastry star.

Bake in the oven for 10–15 minutes, keeping an eye on them to avoid burning.

Remove from the oven and empty the pies out of the tin and onto a cooling rack. Continue the process until you run out of pastry, storing the leftover mincemeat for future baking or to have with icecream.

When they are all done and cooled, whack some icing sugar in a tea ball and make it look like a winter wonderland … or L.A. in the 80s. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

 

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Meryl Streeped Fruits

Condiment, Dessert, Sauce, Side, Snack

The festive season is right around the corner and more importantly, our festive spectacular commences on Monday however being festive as fuck, we just knew that we had to catch up with our girl Meryl before we get blackout drunk and put on 50kgs.

For anyone desperate to claim fame for themselves by befriending and swindling celebrities (like how we originally started, now we’re indifferent to our fame/infamy), Meryl is your white whale; thrice awarded by The Academy, one time love interest to Rick Springfield and Allison Janney and lucky enough to have starred opposite the incomparable Roseanne Barr.

Plus she is so talented, that you couldn’t even tell that she was in excruciating pain listening to Pierce screech in Mamma Mia!

Meryl is a global treasure and the greatest thing to happen to the thespian community ever (well until my film debut in the film adaptation of my Tony Award winning Little Whorephan Andy: The Musical) and we are so honoured to be able to call her our friend.

We first met Meryl in rehab while she was researching her role in Postcards from the Edge – thanks to our advice, Mez was lucky enough to earn her ninth Academy Award nomination and our relationship was cemented by her eternal thanks. She didn’t realise it at the time but we had also inspired our girl Carrie to write Postcards from the Edge while in rehab together, giving us unparalleled perspective on the characters, as they were based on our numerous personalities.

Throughout the years, Meryl has stood by us; supporting us when we were in and out of jail/rehab/anger management, helping connect us with countless friends to help get our stories on the silver screen and letting us hang with her hundreds of awards, despite the fact we generally put them on eBay.

We haven’t seen Meryl in about a year due to the post traumatic stress disorder we got from watching the sixteen hour song that opened her rare flop, Into the Woods. (Seriously though, just get in the fucking woods and stop running your mouths). But Christmas is the time for forgiving and forgetting, and we are so glad Meryl was willing to drop by and help us with this year’s edible gift Meryl Streeped Fruits … and to move past the trauma.

 

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Meryl is so down to earth and is a live wire, meaning her namesake needed to be something boozy, fun, earthy and little bit wild.

Trust us, this fits the bill – enjoy!

 

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Meryl Streeped Fruits
Makes: Enough to fill a 500ml jar.

Ingredients
250g mixed dried fruit, I went with cherries, craisins, currants and raisins
250ml Grand Marnier, plus an extra 100ml

Method
Sterilise your jar/s – the dishwasher is probably your easiest route.

Once they have cooled, place the fruit in the jar and top with the 250ml of Grand Marnier. Seal the jars tightly and place in a cool dark place to steep for about four-five days.

The fruit, like me, will gobble up most of the booze so top it up with the extra Grand Marnier if needed after this time.

Then you’re free to go all Oprah and your loved ones. YOU get a jar! YOU get a jar! YOU get a jar!

We’re going to get BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOZZZZZYYYYYY!

Oh and if your filling multiple smaller jars, just spread your fruit and booze evenly amongst the jars. Yes, it is obvious and I’m sure you could figure that out – but what if you couldn’t?

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.