Cakelyn Jenner

Cake, Dessert, Keeping it Kardashian Khristmas, Sweets

Whether you want to admit it or not, our dear friend Caitlyn Jenner has had a monumental year since coming out as transgender and working towards being the activist she needs to be, given the role would be thrown at her anyway.

We first met Cait in an Olympic training camp in the mid 70s when Annelie was trying to perfect the correct amount of steroids for me to win discus, without being caught. It worked and Annelie went on to provide supplements to Lance Armstrong, but that is another story for another time.

Our bond with Cait was instant and while she was disappointed in our actions, our wit, charm and aggressive sexuality was too much and a four decade friendship was formed.

Cait first told us she was transgender about 18 months ago when we caught up during a fleeting visit to Malibu to egg Yolanda Foster’s house. We were so happy that she felt comfortable enough to share her truth with us and surprisingly, we didn’t run straight to the paps with the information.

Since then, we’ve acted as a trusting, tender ear while Cait has endured the ups and downs of the media scrutiny in the lead up to her interview with Diane Sawyer and were heavily involved in deciding on the now iconic Vanity Fair cover.

Such a stellar year, made Cait deserving of our highest honour, to be the final pre-Christmas hiatus recipe. We like to call it our Cakelyn Jenner.

 

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While you would assume such a landmark year would call for a showy, decadent, Christmas dessert, we wanted the Cakelyn to be a reminder of the true essence of Cait’s year. It was honest and simple; she is a woman, finally able to live as the person she is and that calls for a nice classic sponge.

Enjoy!

 

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Cakelyn Jenner
Serves: 8

Ingredients
200g self-raising flour
225g salted butter
175g castor sugar
1 tsp baking powder
4 eggs
1/4 cup milk
1 tsp vanilla extract
300ml thickened cream
Seeds from 1 vanilla bean
½ cup raspberry jam

Method
Preheat oven to 175°C.

Grease, flour and line 2 x 8″ cake pans.

Beat butter and sugar together until pale and creamy. Add eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Add vanilla extract and milk and combine.

Sift flour and baking powder into wet ingredients mixture. Gently fold together until just combined. Divide between prepared pans.

Bake for 20-25 minutes or until cakes are risen and spring back when touched. Allow to cool on a wire rack.

Once cakes are completely cool, whip cream to stiff peaks and stir through vanilla seeds.

Spread one half of cake with jam. Top with cream and then other cake. Serve immediately.

 

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Rumball Jenner

Keeping it Kardashian Khristmas, Sweets

Although we are putting on a delicious Christmas spread for her, Kenny Jenner actually really owes us one.

Kendall, or Kenny as she goes by with her inner circle, had the honour of featuring on the Victoria’s Secret runway this year. Did she look amazing? Yes. Did she deserve the opportunity to strut her stuff? Totally. Would she have gotten there without us? No way!

You see, Victoria’s Secret had been positioning our nemesis Ariana Grande to take one of the esteemed runway spots this year. Ariana was invited to perform at the 2014 show as a primer for a walking gig in 2015 – a spot Kenny was desperately coveting. As we had insider goss, we came up with a plan so beautiful the likes of it hadn’t been seen since Fabio copped a goose to the face (also our doing).

You guessed it – we got that bitch wing-slapped. Let’s  be honest, no-one wants this face sauntering down the runway. Kenny was officially in for 2015!

While we haven’t decided how she can repay us just yet, it is the season of giving and it is high time to gift Kenny with our glorious presence again.

 

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Rumball Jenner is the perfect Christmas snack to share with one of the ballsiest bitches around!

 

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Rumball Jenner
Makes: 20.

Ingredients
250g marie biscuits
1 x 395g can sweetened condensed milk
4 tbsp unsweetened dutch cocoa
2 tbsp rum
1 tsp vanilla extract
1 cup coconut, divided in half

Method
In a food processor, process marie biscuits until fine crumbs form. Add cocoa and half of coconut and pulse until just combined. Tip mixture into a large bowl.

Add rum, sweetened condensed milk and vanilla extract to dry mixture and stir until combined.

Roll heaped tablespoons of mixture into balls and roll in extra coconut. Refrigerate until firm.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Fruit Mince Pylie Jenner

Dessert, Keeping it Kardashian Khristmas, Snack, Sweets

As the youngest member of the Kardashian-Jenner empire, Kylie has a lot of fantastic role models to look up to but she still looks to us for guidance and support, as her beloved god-parents.

Kylie was such a sweet angel when she was born and you just knew she was destined for greatness.

When Annelie was contemplating pursuing medicine, it was only Kyles who was able to provide her with a rational ear, great advice and the lips to see if she would be interested in going into plastics.

You see, she actually only lied about having surgery to avoid getting Annelie in trouble for using C-grade construction cement before even getting into med. Talk about a ride or (nearly) die friend!

Kyles was only able to take a brief amount  of time out of her busy hair-extension and lip contouring schedule to drop by and celebrate Khristmas with her godparents, so we opted for a sweet treat of our Fruite Mince Pylie Jenners.

 

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I used to loathe fruit mince pies on account of their odd mouth feel and the irrational decision that they were filled with just dried fruit and beef or aspic; then I had fresh ones and my life was changed.

These pillowy delights are heavenly, sweet and full of tart cranberries that make them sing. But well, not like Kris.

Enjoy!

 

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Fruit Mince Pylie Jenner
Makes: 48(ish). Aka heaps.

Ingredients
Mincemeat
60ml brandy
75g muscovado sugar
300g cranberries
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp ground ginger
½ tsp ground cloves
75g currants
75g raisins
30g dried cranberries
finely grated zest and juice of 1 orange
25ml brandy
3 drops almond extract
½ tsp vanilla extract
2 tbsp honey

Pastry
250g plain flour
50g icing sugar
125g cold unsalted butter, cubed
1 egg
milk (splash)

Method
Mincemeat
In a large pan, dissolve the sugar in the brandy (60ml) over a gentle heat before adding the fresh (aka frozen in Australia) cranberries, cinnamon, ginger, cloves, currants, raisins, dried cranberries and the zest and juice of the orange.

Bring to a gentle simmer and cook for 20 minutes, or until the fruit has started to soften and has absorbed most of the liquid in the pan. Remove from the heat and allow to cool.

Add the remaining brandy, almond extract, vanilla extract and honey and stir well with a wooden spoon to mash the mixture down into a paste. Spoon the mincemeat into sterilised jars (you know the drill thanks to Meryl) and store in the fridge for up to two weeks.

Pastry
Sieve the flour and icing sugar into a large mixing bowl.

Using your fingertips, gently rub the butter into the flour and sugar until it starts to resemble wet sand.

Add the egg and a dash of milk, and work together until you have a ball. Be careful not to overwork it.

Pat the ball into a thick round disc, wrap in cling film and leave to rest in the fridge for 30 minutes.

Pies
To make the pies you will need a mini tart tin, a small circular object for cutting (we use an upturned shot glass) and a miniature star cutter (just to be like Nigella).

Preheat the oven to 220°C.

When the 30 minutes is up, remove it from the fridge and roll it out on a lightly dusted surface until it is roughly 5mm thick.

Cut out the circles a little wider than the indentations in the tart tins, so that they are tall enough in the tart tins, gently pressing them into shape as you go. Once the tray is full of pastry, add roughly a teaspoon of mincemeat to each pie before topping with a mini pastry star.

Bake in the oven for 10–15 minutes, keeping an eye on them to avoid burning.

Remove from the oven and empty the pies out of the tin and onto a cooling rack. Continue the process until you run out of pastry, storing the leftover mincemeat for future baking or to have with icecream.

When they are all done and cooled, whack some icing sugar in a tea ball and make it look like a winter wonderland … or L.A. in the 80s. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

White Kristmas Jenner

Keeping it Kardashian Khristmas, Snack, Sweets

While publicity whoring is something we clearly have in common with the Kardashian-Jenner klan, naturally our history goes back quite some way with mother hen, Kris.

Ben and I first met Kris when we were trying to start yet another ponzi scheme, this time involving somewhat controversial and unorthodox dieting methods. Kris was entering the mainstream after that whole O.J Simpson thing, looking to leverage her personal fame and attempting to launch her new identity, LudaKris.

Ben, LudaKris and I formed a magical business partnership fondly known as Jenny Kraig. Lose 10 pounds in 10 days? That’s LudaKris! Alas, it was ludicrous and we quickly went out of business.

Despite our early failures, LudaKris eventually decided to go sans-Luda and embrace the momager she was destined to be. What klassy treat can we share with our klassy pal?

 

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White Kristmas is everything a festive treat should be – klassic, kolourful and full of kflavour.

 

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White Kristmas
Serves: 16

Ingredients
1 cup shelled pistachios, finely chopped
1 cup dried cranberries
500g white chocolate
2 cups rice bubbles
1 cup shredded coconut
2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Method
Half fill a medium saucepan with water and place on medium heat. Line and grease a rectangular slice tray.

Combine pistachios, cranberries, rice bubbles and coconut in a large bowl.

Place a heatproof metal bowl over saucepan of simmering water. Add white chocolate to bowl and melt over gentle heat. Once just melted stir in vanilla.

Add chocolate and vanilla mixture to dry ingredients and stir until just combined. Pour into prepared pan and refrigerate until set.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.