Previously on Survivor, Jeff told us that twenty of the biggest game changers in Survivor history returned including the man who almost died for salt and pepper, the man who was cursed out weekly at redemption island and a man who lost the game but walked away with money from Sia.

Talk about game changers!

Amongst the excitement of their returns, actual legend Queen Sandra Diaz-Twine got off to an aggressive start and silenced many of her doubters by surviving the first two tribal councils … send fellow actual game changers Ciera “BIG MOVEZ, she-voted-out-her-mom” Eastin and Tony Vlachos out of the game as the first and second boots.

Concerned that Malcolm’s return is lessening his standing in my heart, Jiffy Pop didn’t waste time with showing us the post-tribal vibe at the rapidly vanishing Mana and called the tribes out to the beach, acting all coy. Given his subtle hinting, Zeke quickly surmised that a swap was afoot.

With that, three new tribes were formed where Troyzan and J.T. were royally screwed as the solo members of their old tribes on their new tribes. I mean, sure Hali and Caleb were also screwed on new Mana … but they got lucky being classed as game changers in the first place, so I figure it is on their side.

Over on new Nuku, Malcolm and Varner were thrilled to be moving on up to a camp filled with chickens, goats, tools, decorative home furnishings and an easy boot in J.T.

Knowing that he is fucked with a capital fuck-you-Brad Culpepper, J.T. did what any rational person would do in that situation and lured everyone out into the middle of the ocean, swam back to the beach and searched for an idol. I assume the idol was plan B, plan A being that they would just float away and reappear years later. Maybe?

Meanwhile at new Mana, fuck-you-Brad Culpepper answered the question of who up-cycled the excess objects from the marooning and got to work rectifying the lack of camp decor – dare I say it winning me over in the process – while Hali and Caleb proved they’d be terrible at faking orgasms, barely mustering a smile as they talked about how much they preferred their new tribe.

Not falling for it Brad pulled Tai aside to discuss who to get out first where Tai immediately tried to protect his part-time lover Caleb, throwing the target on to Debbie … while Brad continued his growth arc and identified that despite his strength, Caleb needed to be the first to go to break up the Kaôh Rōng four and continue the decimation of OG Mana.

We finally checked in with the new tribe, Tavua, where Zeke was thrilled that Troyzan gave them an easy target while Ozzy decided it was time to put his 115 days playing Survivor to good use and lead the tribe as they started over.

Not feeling as safe as she appeared, Cirie approached Ozzy to make sure the air was still clear from the time she blindsided him 9 years ago. On the flipside, Troyzan was feeling as screwed as he appeared – despite Andrea’s claims that he wasn’t – but thankfully had a tiny shred of luck and found the clue to the hidden immunity idol, which will be tucked under the table at the next immunity challenge.

The next day Sandra and J.T. ironically lead the charge to hunt the goats at new-Nuku – the literal ones, not the ones they wrangled on their way to their victories. J.T. and Malcolm quickly caught the cutest baby goat of all time and then its mother who couldn’t bare to leave its child. Despite Sandra’s desperate pleas to the otherwise, the tribe quickly realised that causing the Fijian version of Bambi was brutal and let them both go and agreed to kill one of Tai’s ex-chickens.

Hopefully not Monica.

Also, swoon Malcolm, swoon. That kind heart!

Almost like my lust for Malcolm manifests him, Jiffy Pop reappeared for the first threeway immunity challenge of the season. In addition to immunity, they were also playing for comfort or seasoning … so you know Caleb is going to go all out in this one.

Nuku got out to a quick lead, followed closely by Tavua. Despite catching up on the see-saw obstacle which broke Missy’s ankle in season 29 – talk about a game changing moment – Mana sadly continued their losing streak … now with new castaways!

Back at camp, Debbie and Tai pulled Sierra aside to discuss the vote where Tai continued his lack-of-understanding playing style and pointed out that he was very close with Caleb … very close. Conversely Sierra went for the play-it-with-half-a-brain, pointed out that she wasn’t close with Hali, despite playing together on Worlds Apart.

Which strategy will work in the long run?!

Brad continued his redemption edit, pulled Tai aside and seemed to convince Tai that voting out his closest ally and friend was the smartest move, leading to poor Tai feeling extremely confused as he arrived at tribal.

Jeff quickly got to work addressing the Kaôh Rōng elephant in the room where Debbie tried to distance herself from them, Tai was Tai and Caleb also tried to distance himself and point out they had a week in their original tribes and that loyalty may have taken over.

It quickly turned into the low-rent version of Tony vs. Sandra as Hali and Caleb started to throw the shade, Hali pointing out that she had less options in the tribe and wasn’t a threat, Caleb played up his athletic ability and said Hali was easy to manipulate as the game goes on … which is a good thing. Hali came out of her shell – a little bit – and threw it back in his face saying that his strong headedness and athletic ability makes him a threat.

Brad played the middle and said they both bring value to the tribe, Tai got game and said that he is taking a big picture approach and isn’t focussed on just the next challenge, Caleb mentioned Hali having relationships from OG Mana while he had none while Hali denied it and said she is looking to make relationships to carry her into the next stage of the game.

Yep – it was as confusing as always as they went to vote. Sadly for Caleb, his relationships on the current tribe were seen to be too threatening as he found his way out of the game on day nine … again. To semi-quote Abi-Maria, at least you didn’t almost die?

As you know, I’ve been friends with Caleb for years after he attended one of my USO shows so he was thrilled to be able to catch-up at Loser Lodge this time rather than hospital. I mean sure, he was disappointed to finally have his torch snuffed for the first time but he was thrilled to get a big old glob of my Calabneh Reynolds.

 

 

It is a truth universally acknowledged that cheese is the greatest thing to happen, ever. And this is probably the easiest one you could make. Creamy, soft and delicate, it is the perfect accompaniment to a platter, toast or just eaten with a spoon.

Enjoy!

 

 

Calabneh Reynolds
Serves: 1 first time torch snuffee … or 4-6?

Ingredients
½ tsp kosher salt
500ml Greek yoghurt
olive oil, to drizzle
zest of a lemon, optional
½ tsp chilli flakes, optional

Method
Line a sieve with a couple of layers of moist – fuck I love the word moist – cheesecloth, leaving enough overhanging to cover later.

Combine the salt and yoghurt, transfer to the lined sieve and cover with the extra cheesecloth. Place the sieve over a bowl and allow to rest/drain in the fridge overnight to 24 hours. The longer the whey drains, the thicker the cheese.

When ready to serve, transfer to a bowl and drizzle with oil, zest and chilli … the latter two being optional, though highly recommended.

Devour.

 

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