Previously on Survivor, three became one, like in the throuple positive version the hit Spice Girls song where the old folks banded together with the nerd brigade – well all except maybe Adam – and sent Michelle out of the game … to the jury!
Back at camp, Jay got to work throwing a tantrum about Adam, Hannah and Zeke banding with the parents … despite the fact he turned on his previous ally Michaela. Taylor then jumped on the wagon, starting talking about legal warfare and I got very, very confused.
Did I mention Adam started yelling in confessionals again? Yeah, ride on dude.
Anyway, Taylor then sat down for an extended feasting segment praising himself for having more dirt on Adam than Adam does on him. Because, you know, finding an advantage that anyone could have found is far worse than stealing food and hiding it from the tribe in buried mason jars.
I will give our dim friend one thing though, it was pretty smart.
The next morning Jay and Hannah caught up about the previous vote where Hannah’s winner edit started as she calmly articulated why she turned on Jay and how she was loving her new play to win attitude as she built her resume.
Jiffy Pop dropped by to lord over the reward challenge where they were broken up into teams to win cocktails and burgers by the pool which is literally my dream date with Ken, though clothing optional.
Which reminds me, Ken looked insanely bangin’ while helping his team to victory (seriously, the heaving in the back during the bola throwing? Love heart eye emojis – he huffed and he puffed and he blew my pants down) – let’s hope I’m a profit!
Surprisingly – or not considering his questionable choices of late – Adam didn’t opt to steal the reward from Taylor, despite the fact it would have rendered his knowledge of the advantage moot and be acceptable considering everyone is aware of Taylor’s theft.
On reward, party-Bret emerged and chugged down a shit tonne of cocktails while Ken sunbaked. It didn’t provide much narrative wise but damn it was beautiful.
Back at camp Adam decided to take a leaf out of the Abi-Maria playbook and kick Jay while he was down. Thankfully Zeke and – who would have thought – Hannah were a bit more self-aware and tried to woo Jay and James Earl Jones back to their side.
Oh and Sunday is concerned Jessica wants to vote her out and talked to Jay about getting her out. Either I missed something big, or this came out of nowhere.
J-Pop returned for immunity where he was feeling nice and offered up some sandy-j’s and chips for those feeling safe or defeatist by their ball handling ability. Yep, that’s right, another challenge where they needed to be handy with balls … which was won by my potential new boyfriend Kengel. But that wasn’t a surprise to me, obviously.
The tribe arrived back at camp where the super-majority – who luckily for them have a far less likable rival than the Witches Coven – got together for a pow-wow and confirmed to split the vote between Jay and Taylor. Sunday however was still focused on getting rid of Jess.
Meanwhile Jay and Taylor got together for snacks where Taylor vowed to avenge Figgy’s boot … which is awkward considering he is about to have a baby with someone else.
At tribal, Jay and Taylor continued their assault on Adam forcing the kindly version of dear Abi to have a minor meltdown as he watched his game slowly fall apart in front of his eyes thanks to a hardcore mindfuck from the perceived dim-wit Taylor.
Sadly for the latter, it couldn’t save him and my totally rad friend Taylor was booted from the game. Did I not mention we met shredding the slopes together? We totally did.
While he was totally bummed to find himself out of the game, he was psyched to destroy Adam’s game on the way out. And obviously to see me and a fresh Sataylor Stocker Pizza.
Given it was freezing in the snow and Tayls was too busy impregnating girls to keep me warm, I had to come up with something warm and spicy to bring our souls back from a hard day on the slopes.
And I totally thought it would work to cure post-boot pain too.
Which it did. Enjoy!
Sataylor Stocker Pizza
pizza dough (I used the one from Pizsa Zsa Gabor)
passata or tomato paste, with a combination of herbs
2 chicken breasts, chopped into small pieces
½ cup satay sauce
1 onion, finely sliced
bunch spinach, roughly chopped
mozzarella cheese, grated
Follow the dough recipe on Zsa Zsa’s recipe.
Preheat the oven to 180°C.
While that is getting totally sicky-sicky, nar-nar, fry chicken over medium heat and when nearly browned, add the satay sauce – you may want to use more and I am totally rad with that bro – and continue cooking for another five minutes.
When the dough is fresh out of the hidden mason jar, roll out two bases and slather each with the herby passata. Top generously with spinach and onion and place the reduced satay chicken on top. Cover with cheese – obviously I am quite liberal – and bake in the oven for about fifteen minutes, or until golden and bubbly.
And then, you guessed it, devour while doing something totally millennial, dude.
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