Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race, the queens were tasked with roasting the baddest bitch in town, Michelle Visage where Sasha, Shea and Peppermint slayed … while Alexis and Farrah completely bombed. Alexis narrowly survived throwing shade at Tamar Braxton before murdering poor Farrah in the lip sync and forcing her to sashay away.

We ru-turned to the werk room where Sasha gave her best Farrah impersonation, whining about the lack of whining. Alexis was feeling a little down after landing in the bottom two, but not as down as I was expecting. Thankfully Trinity came through with the entertainment, once again questioning why the hell she was green before being checked for stripping off for the cameras.

Peppermint noticed that Nina was feeling down appeared to be withdrawing from the group so went to give her a pep-talk. Sadly that is quite the uphill battle though, as Nina continued to say that the other queens were coming for her and talking about her behind her back. Girl loves that inner saboteur of hers/

Trinity, bless, then reminded us that the filler queens were starting to go … NEXT.

The next day Valentina continued to be charming and told us she was ready to take victory before Trinity started rubbing heads for luck, potentially catching lice in the process. Before I had the chance to Webmd the possibility of bald people catching-lice, Ru arrived to announce this week’s challenge – to create, write and star in their own T.V. pilot.

Wanting to add a bit of shade to the proceedings, Ru let the queens chose their own teams. Obviously Shea and Sasha immediately pounced on each other, earning the irritation of Alexis … who then reached out to Peppermint who was desperately trying to run for Shea and Sasha. Being kind, she stuck with Alexis and Trinity, leaving Valentina and Nina as the remaining team by default.

Shea and Sasha started talking about cops and Russians. Trinity, Alexis and Peppermint got to work on a pilot about two mothers whose sons had recently come out … and there is a nun involved. I’m a little bit confused but Peppermint sold the voiceover, which obviously meant Alexis wanted that part. Valentina and Nina weren’t feeling confident, as Valentina spoke in circles before coming up with an office idea … that Nina turned into a Maury style show.

While prepping for filming, Shea spoke to Sasha about her currently tense relationship with Nina.

Peppermint, Alexis and Trinity arrived for the filming of Mary: Mother of Gay. They started with the voiceover where Alexis cut in to ensure Peppermint was doing the right thing. She then continued her downward spiral, struggling with her accent and under-playing the madness of her character. Thankfully Trinity was in the team to carry them with her crazed, dim-witted nun.

Is it obvious that Trinity has really grown on me?

Next up were Shea and Sasha with Teet’s & Asky where they got off to slow start before warming up to piping hot, finishing with some exploratory ass-grabbing. I’ll be back in two minutes …

Rounding out pilot season, Valentina and Nina arrived to film Nina & Tina with an incomplete script, which you know pissed off Michelle. Despite being completely awful, they did include the ginger member of the pit crew as an underwear prison guard,  so that is something. I’ll be back in three minutes …

Like me, they appear to have gotten there in the end.

The next day the queens got to work prepare for the club kid realness runway, which you just know Sasha is going to slay. Trinity on the other end of the spectrum has never attempted club kid drag but bless, was excited despite the terror.

Sasha, Peppermint and Shea worked together to give us a brief history of club kids before Shea literally started to hot-glue her face on. Alexis and Valentina noted that Nina was feeling better … to which she menacingly wondered how long it would last. Nina, don’t make me Tyra you!

Lisa Robertson and Noah Galvin joined the judges for the mainstage which feels like an odd combination. Despite hot-glueing her face, it was more than worth it as Shea owned the runway … as did Sasha, Trinity, Peppermint and Valentina, despite the fact I feel the latter has worn the same amount before.

We then got a peek at the pilots where Sasha and Shea‘s was the clear standout, as was Trinity’s performance as the nun who teaches people to get on their knees and down a foot-long sub. At the other end of the spectrum was Nina and Valentina’s pilot, which was just … ugh. I can’t even, it was awful and didn’t deserve Carson’s pity applause.

Shea and Sasha shared victory for the second time, leaving the rest of the queens up for elimination. Trinity and Peppermint were praised for their looks and performance, Alexis’ outfit and performance were both read as boring, before trying to throw Peppermint and Trinity under the bus. Thankfully Peppermint and Trinity weren’t having a bar of it and called her out. Despite decent looks on the runway, it was pretty obvious that both Valentina and Nina were landing in the bottom two.

The lip sync got under way, with Valentina making the decision to leave her face mask on … for a lip sync. Michelle was pissed, Ru was pissed … even Noah fucking Galvin was pissed. Ru stopped the performance midway through and asked Valentina to take the mask off, which she politely refused. Ru in turn explained that it wasn’t actually optional, leading to Valentina syncing with 2 percent of the lyrics while Nina mopped the floor with her.

As surprising as it was to see her go after such a strong start, that performance left Ru with no choice. When we got together backstage, I honestly don’t know who was more disappointed, Val or me. She was going so well and was such a sweetie … but then gave the worst lip syncing performance of all time and looking like Linda Evangelista couldn’t overcome that.

We sat in silence and held each, shell shocked and broken after realising there are three-four years before she gets another chance on All Stars 3. It was a sad, sobering thought that we thankfully could move past after downing a delicious Chicken Ballentina.

 

 

Rich, sweet, full of heart(iness) and completely delightful, this is everything that Valentina is … and then a little bit more. I advise not wearing a mask whilst trying to eat this, it is food.

Enjoy!

 

 

Chicken Ballentina
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
olive oil
1 onion, diced
2 cloves of garlic, crushed
a handful of baby spinach leaves, roughly chopped
½ cup pitted kalamata olives, diced
¼ cup sundried tomatoes, roughly chopped
100g danish feta, crumbled
2 chicken breasts
6-8 slices of prosciutto
lemon, cut into wedges

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Start by preparing the stuffing – like you should prepare for a lip sync – by heating a lug of olive oil in a pan over medium heat. Add the onion and garlic and sweat for roughly five minutes. Add the spinach and stir for a minute or so, before adding the olives, sundried tomatoes, feta and a good whack of salt and pepper, and removing from the heat to cool slightly.

Get to work on the chicken, by flattening the breasts out until they are an even 1cm – the back of a frying pan works well and is great for anger management … but anyway.

Place a large dollop of the filling in the centre of each breast and wrap them over on themselves. Take a piece of prosciutto and wrap it around to seal the chicken, adding prosciutto until it is completely enclosed. Place it on a lined baking sheet, join side down and back for 20-30 minutes, or until cooked through and the prosciutto is crispy.

Serve with mashed potato or salad and with a wedge of lemon to cut through the salty pork product.

Oh, and don’t forget to devour.

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