Actress

This is what dreams are made of

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Good news!

Just got off the phone from our dear friend Hiz – no, not future POTUS Hiz, but the Hiz with one L aka Hilary Duff.

She was all like, “hey now, hey now! I need to come over for a catch-up, it has been so long.”

Obvs our answer was sure, please hurry. I mean, this is what dreams are made of!

What do me make for America’s sweetheart aka TV and film’s erstwhile Lizzie McGuire aka the greatest singer/actress to ever walk the planet?

Picture source: Matt Sayles/Invision/AP.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Friza Minnelli (Friza with a Z)

Main, Side, Snack

If any of our friends can hold a candle to our razzle dazzle, it is Liza. Obviously that has a lot to do with my Triple Threat Tutelage (I must copyright that name), but I do believe she could have achieved fame on the z-list without me.

I mean it is Liza with a Z, after all.

While I trained dear Liza, we have sadly never had the opportunity to work together onscreen. Well we did, but Fosse the freak fucked it up. You see, I was originally cast in the role of the Emcee in the movie version of Cabaret however was fired for refusing to wear the comparatively demure costume that Joel Grey ended up wearing in his Oscar winning turn.

After the travesty, I hit the prescription drugs pretty hard and eventually took both Annelie and Liza with me where we became bonded for life.

Liza dropped by yesterday at dusk, when thankfully lighting is kinder, and immediately found her way to the balcony to bust out an epic tune to anyone that would listen. (It was fantastic, FYI). Thankfully she has recovered from her vertigo (which was written into Arrested Development) and we didn’t lose another treasure!

After wowing the wider neighbourhood, we quickly got to work gossiping about all of our mutual nemeses – Sienna Miller really had no place being in the latest Cabaret revival on Broadway, I mean, where is her Academy Award Nomination – and whipping up a batch of our favourite bitching food, Friza Minnelli.

 

Friza Minnelli_1

 

We first had the idea fresh out of rehab in the late 70s to do an Italian take on chilli fries and bam, Friza was born. Thankfully we had some leftover Dolognese from last week’s visit, so it was nice and easy to put together with some perfectly cooked oven fries.

Enjoy! But how couldn’t you – what is better than the joining of Dolly and Liza?

 

Friza Minnelli_2

 

Friza Minnelli
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
2 cups Dolognese Parton
4 russet potatoes
extra virgin olive oil
parmesan, grated

Method
Preheat oven to 220°C degrees.

Chop potatoes into matchsticks by cutting the potatoes in half, in half again, then slicing into wedges and then into thin matchsticks. Sounds confusing, but I promise it will make sense when you’re doing it.

Line two baking sheets with greaseproof paper and add the fries with a generous drizzle of EVOO and a good whack of salt and pepper. Toss generously to coat.

Arrange fries in a single layer, avoiding too much overlap if you can. Chuck them in the oven and bake for 25-35 minutes, tossing half way to ensure even crispiness.

When the fries have about 15 minutes left, place the Dolognese Parton in a saucepan and cook over low heat until it comes to temperature.

Once the fries are done, serve evenly between the bowls. Cover with Dolognese and garnish, heavily and aggressively, with parmesan.

Devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Maybe This Time

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

I don’t know what it is, but spring has sprung and it seems all of our not so spring-chicken friends are coming out of the woodwork. And obviously, we could not be happier!

We first met our close friend Liza through her mother, Judy who we befriended her after an aggressive sabotage campaign on the set of The Wizard Of Oz (I played the suicide munchkin, obviously), which led to a joint addiction to barbiturates which we continued after little Liza was born (the friendship also led to the coining of the term, Friend of Dorothy).

Always from a young age, Liza knew how to command both a room and a gay man’s heart; I took her on as my protege (she was starved of talented creatives to look up to) and commenced her on the path of craving attention and adoration, as well as the need for pain meds from the rigorous dance training.

Liza could smell the fame we are currently experiencing, and of course, wanted in. What says come to our kitchen slash cabaret, old chum? Come to our kitchen slash cabaret.

Picture source: Screen-cap from Arrested Development.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Dolognese Parton

Main, Pasta

Sweet, sweet Dolly – just thinking back on our time together makes me want to cry tears of joy and thanks for having her in our lives.

If elections were held for Grand Master of the Universe today (and let’s be honest, they should be), Dolly would win by a landslide. I mean, yes Betty White would put in a good effort, but you’ve gotta back Dolly.

We first met Dolly while travelling across America; the trip went on to inspire Mark Twain to write The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and we met Dolly after fleeing a vicious lover’s quarrel with our now second favourite Twain.

Dolly embraced us with open arms and our beautiful friendship blossomed, which over time developed into a creative collaborative similar to JGL’s empire just about half a century earlier and our story boarding was hung, literally, on the (washing) line.

Not meaning to gloat, but we were heavily involved in the following hits: 9 to 5 (actually about lowering your standards), Jolene (a mutual nemesis), I Will Always Love You (obvs), Potential New Boyfriend (I was trying to convince her I could go straight), Baby I’m Burning (about a horrific STD incident), Applejack (it took Dolly a long time to clean that up from the filth I wrote. He didn’t pluck the banjo, that is for sure) and Why’d You Come In Here Lookin’ Like That (originally written as lickin’ my twat), to name but a few.

Despite our myriad of shared successes, our friendship is the shining star with Annelie and I by her side when she married Carl, there when Billy Ray asked he to be little Destiny Hope Ray Hannah Montana’s godmother and played an integral part in the inception of Dollywood.

As soon as we saw Dolly arrive, our hearts were filled with unending joy as she serenaded her way up the path to congratulate Annelie for getting into Medicine singing Dumb Blonde (oh yeah we have news, Annelie is going to be a Doctor).

Dolly was like a proud mother as we regaled her with tales of what we’ve been up to (aside from planning a Dolly tattoo, that pride in me was misplaced) and plotted how we could spend more time with each other.

Given that Dolly is the greatest person to ever exist and she fills us with happiness and warmth, the only thing that could do her any justice was a nice big pot of Dolognese Parton.

 

Dolognese Parton_1

 

There is nothing quite like a freshly made batch of bolognese, to make you feel happy and content. Given Dolly is a total firecracker and we have a penchant for liquefying our innards, we add a good whack of chilli to the bolognese, a real good whack, and it is all the better for it.

Enjoy!

 

Dolognese Parton_2

 

Dolognese Parton
Serves: 6-8. Or 3, with plenty of leftovers.

Ingredients
olive oil
2 onions, diced
2 stalks celery, finely sliced
1 large carrot, finely sliced
3-4 cloves garlic, crushed
1kg mince, ideally 50:50 beef and pork, but go with whatever you prefer
handful mushrooms, sliced
1 glass red wine
1 tbsp dried chilli, or a couple of small chillis finely sliced or a tbsp hot sauce (go with what you prefer, we add more)
3 x 400g cans of chopped tomatoes
2 tbsp tomato paste
1 tbsp dried basil
1 tbsp dried oregano
a bunch spinach, washed
spaghetti, to serve
freshly grated parmesan, to serve

Method
Heat a good lug (are we Jamie Oliver) of olive oil in a large pan or dutch oven. Go with the biggest thing you’ve got. Cook the onion, celery, carrot and garlic over medium heat for about five minutes, or until starting to tender. Add the mince and brown while breaking up with the wooden spoon.

Once the meat is brown, drain off some of the fat. Not all of it obviously, but depending on the quality of the meat you may have a ridiculous amount. Use your judgement?

Return to the pan and mix through the mushrooms until they have started to soften, it shouldn’t take longer than a couple of minutes. Add as generous a glass of red wine as your drinking will permit and cook off for a minute, before adding the chilli, canned tomatoes, tomato paste and dried herbs. Stir to combine and bring to a simmer.

Reduce heat to low and simmer half-covered for 30-45 minutes, stirring occasionally.

While the dolognese is simmer, cook spaghetti (or whatever pasta you prefer) to packet instructions. I know we should be making our own pasta, but sometimes I just can’t be bothered.

When the sauce is done, stir through the bunch of spinach to wilt and remove from the heat.

Serve dolognese on a generous bed of pasta (I don’t mix it through the sauce so I can use the leftovers for other meals) and cover liberally, a bit too liberally, with parmesan. Herby garlic bread is also a good idea.

This makes a ridiculous amount so unless you’re feeding a large family or have had a particularly rough week and wine just isn’t cutting it, you will have to freeze the leftovers for another meal. Or for jaffles. Or actually, I’ve got an idea …

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Islands in the Stream …

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

The most accurate and important phrase ever uttered in the universe, ever, comes from our dear friend Dolly Parton.

She wrote the aforementioned phrase “it’s hard to be a diamond in a rhinestone world” about us as a powerful trio, but I think it is an important thing for aspirational, ordinary people to also remember.

The struggle is real.

We don’t like to go more than a couple of months without catching up as a group, but this is our first time hosting Dolly since the launch of this anthropological endeavour last year. (She normally flies us out to hang in her Tennessee Mountain Home and party in Dollywood).

Since this is the first time we will be documenting our beautiful friendship, we really need to get this right. What says I will always love you not just 9 to 5, always, and baby I’m burning when you come in here lookin’ like that in your coat of many colours with Applejack?

Picture source: Screen-cap from 9 to 5.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Charros

Dessert, Snack, Sweets

I tell you, Charo is an absolute miracle worker on the soul!

After a tumultuous month with Annelie engaged in a legal battle with Brandi Glanville after giving her the information which lead to Fish-Cooch-gate, foiling Kelly Rutherford’s attempts to gain back custody of her children and blocking Bryan Adam’s next album from seeing the light of day, and where I was involved in a non-deliberate-or-scam-related hit and run (the car hit, I ran … to a bar), we have been feeling a bit down, despondent and in need of a lift. Charo, petite as she may be, had us soaring higher than her flamenco riffs at the end of our catch-up.

Charo is a rarity amongst our friendships, in that we have never once been engaged in a fight, legal battle or had an ill word to say of one another in our five decade friendship. Some would argue that the mutual secrets of our actual ages make us scared to cross each other, but I would argue that her Spanish charm is too infectious. I mean, come on, she’s Charo!

Even during our time working on The Love Boat, where Annelie and I were heavily addicted to crack cocaine and invented the drug Bath Salts in the Captain’s Suite with Shirley Jones, Charo embraced us with warmth and tried to help us achieve our best.

Charo walked into Annelie’s place and could tell we were both down (Bryan’s album still had a release date and I realised I forgot to get the details of the man who legitimately ran me down), immediately breaking into an epic four and a half hour flamenco guitar solo about hope, despair and perseverance which turned our frowns upside down.

The only way to repay our dear friend, mentor and role-model and celebrate her multiple birthdays, was to whip up the biggest batch of Charros possible, while we plotted ways that Ben could win back JVDB’s love after he ruined a Beek Jeans event three years ago.

 

Charros_1

 

While Charros are good with a nice thick, chilli chocolate sauce our personal favourite accompaniment is Dulce de Nick Lachey. It is thick, sweet and makes you want to smack your hands/face in it until Charo can teach you the sign language for it / work you out of your funk.

Enjoy!

 

Charros_2

 

Charros
Serves: 3 friends plotting to woo back JVDB.

Ingredients
¼ cup caster sugar
2 tsp ground cinnamon
1 cup plain flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp olive oil
1 cup boiled water
corn or vegetable oil, for-a deep-fryin’

Method
Mix the sugar and cinnamon in a wide, shallow dish and place aside (this is for the coatin’).

In a large, heatproof bowl combine the flour and the baking powder, and then beat in the olive oil and boiled water. Keep mixing until the dough comes together, it will be warm and sticking so don’t let that scare you. Leave the dough to rest for 10 minutes, while you heat the oil over low/medium heat in a medium saucepan (the oil should come up a third of the way, remember I am pretty scared of deep fryin’).

When the oil appears hot enough, toss in a cube of bread and see if it sizzles and browns. If it browns in about 30 seconds, you’re good to go. Keep watch on the hot oil pan at all times, you never know when it can go nuts.

Preheat the oven to 80°C.

Load up a piping bag with a large star shaped nozzle (if you don’t have a star nozzle, like me, a plain one won’t matter. They will just look like strange little nuggets that taste delicious) and fill it with the dough. Squeeze lengths, about 6-8cm long, of dough into the hot oil, snipping them off with a pair of scissors as you go. You could do them long, but that would require some serious deep-fryin’ which I am just not emotionally ready to commit to. Cook about 3 or 4 at a time. Once they are browned, remove to paper towels with a slotted spoon and then place on a lined baking sheet. While you work through cooking all the churros, keep them in the oven to retain their heat.

Once all done, keep in the warm oven for about 10 minutes to help them finish cooking through before coating in the cinnamon sugar and serving with a generous amount of Dulce de Nick Lachey, preferably on Nick Lachey.

This may be all about Charo, but she isn’t the only one bringing the spice, no?

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Cuchi-Cuchi

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

While you could be forgiven for thinking that we are masterful at lying about our age thanks to our dear friend Fran Drescher-Fine, you are completely wrong.

Multi-named-mononym, Flamenco Goddess and dream Guardian Angel, Charo, is the Queen of birthdate ambiguity and is the person that has kept us both simultaneously getting the aged-pension and children’s discounts.

We first met Chars in the 60s on The Ed Sullivan Show when the three of us were aged 22, 6, 97, 50, 64 (inspiring The Beatles’ song), 13, 33 and 100, semi-respectively. Having a musical history, with Annelie also playing the flamenco guitar and I being skilled at both the jazz and skin flutes, we formed a quick bond.

Charo is dropping by to celebrate her 74th and 32nd birthdays. What says celebration … other than a reunion cruise on The Love Boat, obviously?

Picture source: Unknown, but it lives in smokin’ perpetuity.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Chicken & Jamie LeeKurtis Pies

Main, Party Food, Snack

After scaring us half to death with the prospect of a private, confidential catch-up, Jamie was on her best behaviour when she dropped by and she was proud of it.

We have been friends with Jamie since our childhood when I appeared as Kyle Richard’s stunt double in Halloween and Annelie was directing films under the pseudonym of John Carpenter.

Given the basis of our first meeting, scaring and pranks formed the basis of our relationship.

While we  have occasionally gone too far, what with the anthrax incident and the time we had her quarantined for Ebola, we’ve only had one serious fight after I was arrested for stalking her godson. I mean, the whole ugliness could have been avoided had she just consented to introducing us/allowing us to trap him in our home.

Despite this setback, we have always enjoyed a close working relationship with Jamie; getting her jobs on Roadgames, My Girl and the critically acclaimed Beverly Hills Chihuahua (although sadly, we couldn’t negotiate for her to keep her role in the sequels) and she keeps us with a bountiful supply of yoghurt and patented diapers.

James was in fine spirits, and surprisingly a shirt, when she dropped over, gushing over her upcoming role in Scream Queens (we know who the killer is, but obvs can’t say anything … other than the fact Billie Lourd is a saint, but look at her mother/grandmother) and how Jake was willing to meet up for mediation.

A return to fame for us and look who comes crawling back!

Wanting to focus on the boozing while she was here, we opted for a generous batch of our famous Chicken & Jamie LeeKurtis Pies.

 

Chicken & Jamie LeeKurtis Pies_1

 

Decidedly low on yoghurt content, these pies still keep you feeling regular. Obviously “regular” for you needs to mean happy and content with a stomach filled with love.

Enjoy! Also, fun fact, don’t use the line “a stomach filled with love” if you’re on trial for stalking.

 

Chicken & Jamie LeeKurtis Pies_2

 

Chicken & Jamie LeeKurtis Pies
Serves: 36.

Ingredients
¾ cup chicken stock
½ cup dry white wine
500g chicken breast, diced
20g butter
1 leek, chopped finely
1 stick celery, chopped finely
1 tbsp plain flour
2 tsp fresh thyme leaves
½ cup cream
1 tsp Dijon mustard
salt and freshly ground black pepper
4 sheets shortcrust pastry
4 sheets butter puff pastry
1 egg yolk, beaten lightly
extra thyme leaves

Method
Melt butter in the pan and brown diced chicken for 1-2 minutes. Add the leek and celery and cook, stirring, until soft.

Stir in thyme and flour until bubbling. Add white wine, stirring to combine until slightly thickened before adding the stock, cream and mustard, until mixture boils and thickens. Season to taste with salt and black pepper and remove from heat, cool slightly.

Preheat the oven to 200°C. Grease 3 x 12-hole muffin tins. Cut 36 squares from the shortcrust pastry. Press into prepared pans. Spoon 1 tablespoon of chicken mixture into each pastry case. Cut 36 squares from the puff pastry. Top chicken mixture with the pastry lids, brush with egg yolk and sprinkle with extra thyme leaves.

Bake on the lowest shelf for 15 minutes or until browned.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

The long and winding Strode

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

We got the fright of our lives over the weekend.

You see our dear friend and original Scream Queen, Jamie Lee Curtis, loves nothing more than to play pranks on her closest friends but this time she went further than we did when we sent her anthrax in the mail to scare her.

She paid someone to call us, her assistant or something, to arrange an unpublicised catch-up. Obviously it was a joke, I mean yoghurt and a sure-to-be-a-hit-TV-show don’t sell themselves!

What says it is time to party, we miss you and don’t be alarmed if we pay for someone to stalk you in the basement when you’re over?

Picture source: Screen-cap from Halloween.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Chicken ParmiGina Gershon

Main

Annelie and I pride ourselves on having our fingers on the pulse of everything celebrity, fame, entertainment and style, so you can imagine the shame we feel for not realising that a) Lifetime, the greatest film producer on the planet, made a movie about our dear friend Donatells and b) that our other dear friend Gina Gershon played her in said movie.

How on earth did we miss it?

Obviously Gina was hurt that we missed her Emmy-snubbed performance of a life…time and that we didn’t get her in touch with Telly for research, but thankfully our beautiful past and promise of some great collaborations quickly turned the visit around.

(We had to lie through our teeth about her appearance on Glee being good for her image, but you do what you’ve got to do to maintain a friendship).

Gina was very thankful she missed our Carnival Week celebrations (for peasants and hicks, she said). Being a Cali girl, she was loving the mild Brisbane winter and I must say, it really brought the best out of us creatively, both in dance (gotta be warm enough for midriffs and nipple tassels) and scripting (Magic Showgirls XXX is going to win Oscars, guaranteed – obviously if Elizabeth Berkley agrees to reprise Nomi and Annelie and I co-star as rival divas).

With such laborious and meaningful work being undertaken, a big, sentimental meal was required, so we opted for the Chicken ParmiGina Gershon. Funny story, we first made Giny the ParmiGina after getting into a brutal altercation with Jan Draboltchka on the set of Face/Off resulting in him literally losing his face, leading to a re-write of the script and a bump down to co-star for poor Gins.

She is pretty forgiving, but I guess that goes with the territory of being friends with us.

 

Chicken ParmiGina Gershon_1

 

Like Gina, we like our parmies to be smokin’, saucy and to leave you wanting more. We also like them to be liberal with the breast.

Enjoy!

 

Chicken ParmiGina Gershon_2

 

Chicken ParmiGina Gershon
Serves: 2-4, breast dependent.

Ingredients
2 large, skinless chicken breasts, halved through the middle
2 eggs
1 cup plain flour
¼ cup breadcrumbs
¼ cup polenta
2 tbsp parmesan, grated
1 tbsp olive oil
3 garlic cloves, crushed
2 cups passata
2 tsp dried oregano
8-12 slices smoked ham
small bunch fresh basil
125g ball mozzarella, sliced

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Beat eggs in a large(ish) bowl. In a second bowl, combine breadcrumbs, polenta and parmesan. Chuck the flour, or you know place it gently, in a third bowl.

Place the halved chicken breasts between cling film sheets and bash out with a rolling pin until they are about 1cm thick (don’t worry too much about this…mine generally end up looking pretty ugly anyway). Dip the fillet in flour, followed by the egg, then the breadcrumb/polenta/parmesan mix. Place in the oven to bake for 20-30 minutes, flipping halfway through.

Heat oil and cook garlic for 1 min, then tip in passata and oregano. Season, generously (even add a pinch of raw sugar if you want) and simmer for 5-10 minutes.

Remove chicken from the oven. Drizzle a thin layer of tomato sauce over the chicken, cover with a few slices of the ham, pour some more tomato sauce over the chicken, place a few basil leaves on top and covered with the sliced mozzarella. I then scatter some extra Parmesan for good measure but that is only because I love me some cheese. Return to the oven and bake for 5-10 minutes or until the sauce is bubbling and the cheese is melted and golden.

Serve with fries. Copious amounts of fries.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.