Broth

Instant Mariamen Edilia

Drag Race España, Drag Race España 3, Main, Snack, Soup, Street Food, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Drag Race España 12 reinas nuevas arrived in the Werk Room, ready to prove that they and Supremme are the greatest international franchise. Starting with a stunning display of nudity on the first runway, courtesy of Marina. The dolls dazzled and delighted, with camp fun and a whole lot of heart – and drama, thanks to Marina and Juriji – before it was whittled down to just four. Well, three after Marina was eliminated in the final episode. Ultimately though, despite Marina starring in this here recap, it was Sharonne who dominated from start to finish and rightly landed herself the crown.

It is lights up in the Werk Room for another year, however, as Pink Chadora arrived looking like a floral bimbo queen and instantly I fell in love and saw a place for her in the Barbie movie, so fit her in please Margot! She was joined by Hornella Góngora who gave Jessica Rabbit realness in all the right ways. After they became the fastest of friends – bonding over Hornella’s papaya – Pakita arrived serving smut and sex as a fluffy devil and well, my basement is flooded and I am struggling to breathe. Bestiah rock’n’rolled her way into the competition looking like a cartoon high school baddie and again, I am in love. She was followed by Pitita serving old Hollywood glamour in a hard pivot, which I’ve come to love from España.

The fivesome’s kiki was interrupted by the arrival of Spanish Ginger Minj, Maria Edilia with an epically long entry line that won over my heart. Representing the Canary Islands this year was Drag Chuchi who served golden stilt realness and looked like he could choke me out of drag. So yeah, she is my new fave. Vania Vainilla arrived serving goth showgirl realness, but then Pitita explained her anus was closed for renovations and that information became more important than any new arrivals could ever be. Clover Bish became the second cis female to compete globally, looking like Adore Delano does Cher Horowitz and well, I love her. As does Pitita, busted anus or not. Channelling Trixie entering All Stars, Kelly Roller arrived serving roller Barbie and well, I live. Particularly seeing her out of drag, as once again, my basement is flooded.

Chanel Anorex was next to join the fray looking like the love child of a bull and the green goblin, but surprise surprise, was a zaddy out of drag, so I stan. Rounding out the cast was Mexico’s finest Visa arrived, serving ancient goddess realness and ugh, it was perfect. Wait, hang on, there is another doll this season as The Macarena returned for another shot at the crown which gagged everyone. Who were obviously super shady about having a repeater in the class. Before they could completely break The Macarena, Supremme arrived to welcome her newest girls. With a cheeky little roll around the hay mini challenge. Aka a photoshoot with each serving barnyard chic, based on the animal they pulled out of the zaddy pit crew’s sack. 

After getting into animal quick drag, the dolls joined the zaddies on set as Pitita gave the most demented rat, channelling the icon herself – and newest three timer – Jimbo. Kelly Roller buzzed her way into my heart as a rollerskating bee, The Macarena was an unhinged hen that would make Detox proud while Maria Edilia was an adorable, smutty little piggy. Clover gave hot cow, Chanel was a wild, junky boro, Bestiah bounded into our hearts as a bunny, Vania was a horny horse and wisely got the Pit Crew to ride her, so yeah, that is a win for me. Pink Chadora meanwhile was a glamour fly, before Visa gave party ladybug and Hornella served an even hornier cow than those that came before her. Chuchi meanwhile gave sexy sheep, wisely getting the Pit Crew involved too before Pakita stole my heart as she showed us just how hungry a wolf can be. Ultimately though there could only be one winner and that was rightly Hornella, because it was completely unhinged.

Before departing Supremme announced that for their first maxi challenge they would be throwing a little Talent Show! But more importantly, they all dedragged to flood my basement while checking in on how The Macarena feels to be back. And decide whether a single episode even gives her an upper hand. The Macarena meanwhile was busy bonding with Clover and Chuchi, with the old hands telling Clover to stand firm and know she belongs. Oh and then they all bonded over not getting laid without eyebrows, which makes me and my Eugene Levy’s feel really good right about now!

Dia de eliminacion arrived with everyone excited for their first challenge, while The Macarena was just hoping to avoid the bottom. Talk turned to everyone being talented singers, which made Pink nervous about it landing her in the bottom. They then pivoted to who they see as the biggest threat – already – as everyone agreed it was Pitita, while she in turn was nervous about Hornella. As they split up to beat their mugs, the dolls bonded over their partners with Pink Chadora thrilled to have sucked the same dick for 15 years. Like an icon.

Supremme, Ana y los Javis were joined by zaddy Paco Leon on the judges panel as Visa opened the Supremme Eleganza Talent Extravanganza with a killer, camp Mayan gymnastic act in ropes. She spun, she split, she sung, sha danced and it was amazing and I love her. Bestiah then calmly sat with her talent, playing the piano and singing and well, it was beautiful, lack of camp be damned! Wait, no, it turned it a punk rock performance with backup dancers rocking in like the monkeys in Wizard of Oz. It was wild and a bop and this is why España is my favourite franchise. Vania meanwhile gave boudoir glam as she taught tantric, complete with fire and rotating through the Pit Crew like magic. Or Khalessi’s power. Clover then listened to our lord and saviour Anetra and walked the fucking duck. And it was glorious.

Like the Pit Crew’s speedos.

Maria meanwhile served typing lip sync before getting with her boss and well, it made no sense which is why I kinda love it. Pink Chadora meanwhile sung an original song about farming, Bambi or global warming. Either way, there were dancing carrots and therefore, I love it. The Macarena served sexy Britney as she sang her original song, despite a missing key here or there. Pitita gave camp, mime, chic complete with snacks both food and in the form of sexy sailer back-up dancers. So again, I live. Drag Chuchi meanwhile served drama as she lip synced about Dia De Los Muertos before it too turned sexy. Hornella Góngora then sang Dancing on My Own as two zaddies danced live and made out. So yep, you guessed it, another win. 

Kelly Roller was thankfully on brand skating her way across stage as she lip synced looking ready to compete in the Hunger Games and while I live, that is mainly because she went off the stage. Sometimes on purpose. Pakita then gave an emotional performance singing before stripping off and pole dancing and well, I love it. Chanel Anorex then closed the show giving sexy snow beast before lip syncing to Cannibal as the back-up dancers coated her in red paint. So yep, I did stan it because it was amazing.

On the Spain is Different runway, Bestish was a glamour serrano ham, ready for battle in all the right ways. Hornella was a shimmering red Goya delight, Vania was a gaudy (in a good way) pink and purple puffy star and looked to be having the most fun possible. Pink Chadora was a ruffled, leather femme fatale, ready to take you as soon as you start something. Drag Chuchi gave disco ball comes disco diva, looking stunning in the process. And serving all the body. Chanel gave camp icon ready for a day at the races or fresh from an easter hat parade. Complete with high heeled crocs. Pitita gave us Alaska’s trashbag look, though upcycled with a tonne of cash. Maria gave camp, vamp ladybug, Pakita was the most camp, giving the sun and moon, dripping in tinsel like a glam car wash. Again, in a good way. Clover looked ready to sing cabaret at a rich fundraiser in a shimmering black gown, The Macarena served drama as she gave bleeding, murdered art before Visa served shimmering tower, into a chameleon and well it was batshit, so I love it. While Kelly walked the runway selling herself as an 80s theatre icon.

Vania, Pitita, Pink, Chanel, Clover and Visa were sent to safety before Bestiah received universal praise for her looks and for slaying the talent show. Hornella was praised for singing live and holding their attention, despite being pitchy. Chuchi was read for not giving enough Canary Islands in the talent show and for being hit and miss with her looks. Maria was read for messing up the sync of the lip sync of her talent show. Pakita received wall to wall praise for all the diverse things she showed this week. The Macarena was read for being pitchy throughout the performance, though was praised for fitting everything to her body. Despite the exposed corset. Kelly too was read for her nerves and the moment where she fell from the stage, despite them loving her runway.

Backstage the safe girls celebrated making it through another week, with Pink in particular happy to survive on something she was scared of. Clover meanwhile felt she and Visa were robbed of a place in the top, while the others were a little shocked it wasn’t Vania winning, though agreed out of the dolls left, it should be Bestiah snatching the first victory. The tops and bottoms soon joined them with Maria opening up about clearly being in the bottom, while The Macarena was concerned about history repeating itself. Chuchi on the other hand was proud of her performance, despite being read for it.

Ultimately the dolls proved to be right as Bestiah took out victory after Hornella, Pakita and Kelly were sent to safety. Despite her fears, The Macarena narrowly avoided the lip sync as she was sent to safety, leaving Maria and Chuchi to battle it out to Despechá by Rosalía and while I’d like to say it was a battle, it erred more on the side of a bloodbath as Chuchi stripped down to pasties – top and bottom – shaking and flipping all over stage completely nude. And well, maybe I am distracted by the flooded basement, but she rightly earned her safety as sweet Maria became the The Macarena of the season. Or is she, given Supremme’s cryptic video at the end? Dun, dun, DUN.

Despite whatever it is Supremme has planned for the eliminated dolls this season, I pulled Maria in for a massive hug as soon as she returned to the Werk Room. While we were tragically robbed of seeing everything she has to offer, I once again rolled out the platitude that first boots are always more memorable than early boots and as such, she is now as iconic as the future winner of the season. Plus, being the first boot doesn’t appear to have stopped Jaymes Mansfield from becoming an All Star now, does it? After that, she was feeling very pleased with herself and was thrilled to join me in toasting her speed run with a piping hot bowl of Instant Mariamen Edilia.

Like Tayce before me, 2 Minute Noodles are one of my favourite foods (of childhood, at least) and this little copycat is an elevation that warms your soul. Sweet, smooth and earthy, the miso broth adds the perfect kick for any mood.

Enjoy!

Instant Mariamen Edilia
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
2 tbsp miso paste
1L chicken stock
300g instant ramen
1 tbsp parsley, roughly chopped

Method
Combine the miso paste and stock in a large saucepan over medium heat, and cook, stirring, until it comes to the boil. Reduce heat to low, add the noodles and simmer for a couple of minutes, say two, until they are soft and tender.

Remove from the heat, stir in the parsley, stir and then devour. Joyously.


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Bradth Norris

Breakfast, Main, Soup, Survivor NZ, Survivor NZ: Thailand, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor New Zealand, in the wise words of my dearest friends the Spice Girls two became one as the tribes merged. This lead to a shit tonne of feasting, reuniting alliances and the reminder that Matt and Dave went to school together and that Dave would be safe. As such he held on tight to his idol as Renee decided it was time to jump ship and save herself, joining the OG Khangkhaw to take out Arun.

Back at camp Brad and Lisa celebrated their success, with Lisa continuing to play the innocent mother and echoing how bad she felt. Dave on the other hand was feeling bad to see Arun go, wishing that he had left instead as it was so painful to watch. Which I guess is simultaneously sweet and idiotic. Thankfully both Renee and Adam were proud of making a move and getting rid of a threat, with Adam reminding us that he is kind of the Sandra Diaz-Twine of New Zealand in that no one sees him as a threat – well, on her first two appearances – despite controlling the game and being hella sassy.

The next day Renee, Matt and Tess were discussing the importance of toast, in both quantity and toppings. Though maybe that was Matt’s way to distract everyone from their feelings, as he is concerned about how Dave and Eve must be feeling trapped on the bottom. Sadly for him Adam is dead set on getting Dave out ASAP, as is Tess and Br … wait, Brad is wanting to make a move! Sadly for him, Matt decided to channel SDT and lurked in the bushes at the exact right moment, hearing that Brad and Tess were open to taking him out. Making it super awks, Matt emerged from the bushes forcing them to about face and talk about taking Dave and Eve out at the next two tribals. While Matt was more than ready to take one of them out.

Back at the camp Tess gushed about her love for Renee who was using her time to coach Brad and Adam how to braid hair. Renee gushed about her decision to flip at the last tribal council as it was giving her the best hope for being the only Chani to flip to the other alliance and make it far. The entire tribe then joined the braiding party before Dave reminded us he owns an idol and Renee spoke about the importance of getting rid of Dave.

But enough of camp life – Matt Chis is here and we’re ready for the reward challenge where Dave unveiled a new look to try and fit in with the long hair club! The challenge required everyone to run out and untie sandbags before returning to the starting mat and throwing them into a series of targets. It was for ingredients to make tuna melts – which explains Tess’ tin salmon chat – and I am literally vomming at the thought of how shit it is. The tribe clearly weren’t overly impressed either, casually walking to collect their bags before tossing away. Renee got out to an early lead, followed closely by Dave, Matt and Brad before Dave and Brad overtook her, with Brad snagging himself the worst reward since the bag of melted chocolate. Inspired by Jiffy Pop, Matt then gave Brad the opportunity to share his reward with just one other person, selecting his main target Dave as he wanted to be fair. As such, Matt gave him the chance to choose another person this time forgoing the fair third place, selected Tess. Since it appeared to be a struggle, Matt gave him one other person to share with with Brad selecting contestant Matt.

The victors arrived at reward to kick off the episode’s product placement portion, making he feel violently ill. There was gushing, talk about flavours and it looked fucked. Not even mayo smeared around Matt’s mouth could excitement me. Dave decided to take the opportunity of being stuck on a reward with each other’s rancid tuna breath to try and flip Brad and Tess to his side. He then went on and on while the boys tried desperately not to fall asleep while Tess’ eyes almost fell out of her head from rolling them so much. He felt it went ok though, so that makes he think he isn’t as self-aware slash good as I thought he was.

Back at the camp Adam was entertaining the girls with his shark attack victim performance as the winner’s arrived, vowing to punch Dave in the face if he complained about being full. Eve then pulled the biggest move of her game, asking Brad to give them a run down of everything they ate which infuriated Adam who wanted to take ALL the tuna melters out.

Matt and Dave went for a walk to digest said food and talk about Dave’s pleas at reward. Matt then caught Dave up, telling him that Tess and Brad plan to target him no matter what and he needs to find a way save Dave that still benefits his game. Dave shared that he has an idol, which was music to Matt’s ears at it meant he could help pull off a blindside without getting his hands dirty. The unspoken qualifier is that he also knows that Dave is too nice to deny the move should they make final tribal.

Matt Chis returned for this week’s immunity challenge where each tribe member was required to hold two weighted discs with a pot attached between their hands and a pole, with the last person to drop winning. Though given only Dave and Eve feel in danger, it really shouldn’t take long. Sadly poor Dave was the first contestant out, leading to Adam dropping straight behind since he just wanted Dave to lose before Lisa and Tess after what felt like an eternity. The remaining five survived an hour and a half, leading to Chissy forcing them all on to one leg which saw Brad, Tara and Renee drop in quick succession. After a further 45 minutes, Matt started to struggle while Eve stood like a statue and snatched immunity.

The castaways quickly got to work scrambling back at camp with Brad, Lisa, Tess and Tara focusing on how to split the vote since Eve was immune. Brad then got uber cocky and decreed who everyone was voting for out of Dave and Renee before pulling Dave aside to assure him that he won’t be voting for Dave. Since Dave heard the subtext loud and clear, that pissed him off and he focused instead of trying to throw some votes on Brad. Renee and Tess caught up to talk about the likelihood of idols, with Renee assuring them that it is highly unlikely. Matt, Lisa and Adam then caught up to talk about wanting to avoid throwing votes on Renee for no reason, with Matt then throwing Brad’s name out there as a potential option. Which appeared to both excite and terrify Adam, who didn’t trust the numbers however slowly came to the realisation that it was the perfect time for a blindside and they really need to take it. Matt and Lisa were nervous about Adam running back to Brad and looping him in, however the longer it went on the more it seemed like Adam knew it had to be done. With the three of them locked it, Matt filled Dave in on the plan and they debated whether it were better to play the idol or not, lest it spook Brad to play his.

At tribal council Eve spoke about feeling relieved to be immune though didn’t seem to think it would have a difference on the game at large. Renee shared that she was feeling vulnerable and knew that votes would be coming her way tonight, Dave played the nervous target roll very well, likely because he doesn’t seem to believe he will actually stay safe. On the flipside, Brad spoke about his desire to start making some big moves before trying to pretend that he wasn’t trying to dictate the game and lead his alliance. Matt hinted that he is definitely about to shake up the game, vowing to play a game that benefits him rather than leaving it up to someone else. Tara vowed to stick to her own pace – which seems to be close to non-existent – before Dave tried to go for a last minute plea, though it ended up sounding more like he was reminding them that he has been hustling. With that the tribe voted and Matt and Lisa’s plan went off without a hitch as Brad was sent from the game much to the utter shock and disbelief of him, Renee and a livid Tess.

Despite the crippling rage burning inside him as he made his way out of tribal council, Brad quickly calmed down though TBH I think he was in shock. I sat him down in the Jury Villa and calmly explained that yes, he had been voted out, yes, he is no longer eligible for the money, yes, he has to return to the cave every couple of days before eventually voting for someone to win the prize he just lost. Where was I? Anyway, I rubbed salt in his wounds, then felt hella guilty so served him up a warm, nourishing Bradth Norris.

 

 

I know, I know – broth probably doesn’t feel like the most comforting thing to make someone that was brutally blindsided however, try it and then tell me it isn’t worthy. A fiery kick, eggs and the earthiness of chickpeas? It is damn breakfast perfection.

Enjoy!

 

 

Bradth Norris
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
olive oil
1 onion, diced
5 garlic cloves, crushed
2 tsp ground cumin
2 tbsp Harissa Oleynik, plus extra to garnish
800g canned chickpeas, drained and rinsed
½ cup chargrilled capsicum, roughly chopped
salt and pepper, to taste
1L vegetable stock
2 lemons, zested and juiced
4 eggs
flat leaf parsley, roughly chopped to garnish

Method
Heat a lug of oil in a large saucepan and sweat the onion until soft and sweet. Add the garlic cumin, harissa, chickpeas and capsicum with a good whack of salt and pepper, and cook for a further couple of minutes.

Slowly add the stock and lemon juice and zest and bring to the boil. Reduce to a simmer and crack the eggs into the pot. Cover and leave to poach for five minutes or so.

Serve the broth immediately with an extra dollop of harissa and a sprinkling of parsley. And devour.

 

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Joe Del Campho

Main, Soup, Survivor: Kaôh Rōng

Yeah, yeah – previously on Survivor, Jason couldn’t pull off the impossible and was sent to Ponderosa despite everyone in the alliance trying to turn on each other. But this episode, seriously? Again! Another freaking medevac!?

Poor little Joey, Joe-Joe aka Rudy 2.0 found himself experiencing some severe #GastrointestinalDistress and was swiftly pulled from the game in fifth place. Confirming to Tai that, despite his fears, he goes home with his idol in his pocket.

Game, set, match editors – well played!

Anyway, let’s rewind. We got back to camp and again Joe spoke, before Michelle and Tai butted heads over Tai’s late-game villain turn after he once again flipped on his alliance for the third time.

We then headed straight to reward where Joe shocked everyone and won the reward, proving that slow and steady wins the race, and ended his anti-Anglim streak in the process.

Damn straight he #GetsItDoneAt71!

I first connected with Joe about four decades ago when we worked for the FBI together. Joe is an absolute gentleman and acted like a mentor to me, despite my questionable relationship with the law.

We stayed close throughout the years – despite my many scandals, arrests and stints in rehab – and Joe has remained a constant in my life and has always tried to help me be the best version of me. Could you imagine how bad I would have been without him?

Anyway, poor little Joe overindulged in the delicious meat at his Hef reward, despite not being a big meat guy, and sadly that was his downfall.

We heard all about Cydney upping her game (by downplaying the fact that she could literally crush everyone left in the game), Joe, Cyd and Aubry formed a final three alliance, Tai and Michelle joined forces, Aubry and Tai reconnected while Michelle and Cydney solidified their bond … all for nothing after Joe was done in, I assume, by an extreme case of meat sweats!

Having zero respect for the fact that he was just medically evacuated for stomach issues – and the fact that he is 71, to boot – I decided to go with a (potentially) digestively aggressive Joe Del Campho to welcome him to post-hospital Ponderosa.

 

joe-del-campho-1

 

In my defense, pho was Joe and my go to meal after cracking a case / defeating the bad-guys / whatever it is we did in the FBI back in the day (I was way too high to remember those days) – it was to us, what shawarma is to the avengers, you know?

So yeah, onion, par cooked-meat and chilli isn’t a good thing on paper – but it was the ultimate comfort food for my dear old friend. Despite that, the fresh flavours, delicately cooked meat and the kick of heat and lime work together to bring you a pho that dances in your mouth.

Plus, ginger is good for you … so there is that, right? Enjoy!

 

joe-del-campho-2

 

Joe Del Campho
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
5 cups beef stock
3cm piece ginger, finely grated
2 star anise
1 tsp fennel seeds
cinnamon quill
1 tbsp fish sauce
2 tsp soy sauce
dried pho noodles, softened in boiling water for a couple of minutes
250g beef sirloin, finely sliced across the grain
1 onion, finely sliced
4 shallots, green part only, finely sliced
⅓ cup chopped coriander
black pepper
lime wedges, to serve
sliced chillies, to serve
Thai basil leaves, to serve
bean sprouts, to serve
sriracha sauce

Method
Place stock, ginger, spices, fish sauce, soy sauce and 2 cups of cold water in a large saucepan over high heat. Cover, bring to the boil and then reduce the heat to low and simmer uncovered for 5 minutes.

Place a handful of pho noodles in a large bowl and cover with boiling water. Allow to rest until cooked through or about fifteen minutes, drain and leave to rest.

Thinly slice the steak – it helps if you freeze it for about 20 minutes before.

Remove the spices from the stock mixture with a slotted spoon.

To serve, place pho noodles in the bottom of a bowl, layer the raw steak and onion over the top and cover generously with the piping hot stock. Season generously and sprinkle on some coriander.

To eat, season to taste with lime juice and chilli and add in some basil and sprouts. As I like heat and disregard Joe’s health, I topped it up generously with some sriracha.

The heat may have got things moving?

 

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