Kristie Belette

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2016), Baking, Cake, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV Recap

Say what you will about Kristie’s game, her journey from a paranoid Abi-Maria-lite meltdown on day two, to Samoan sea-witch that laid low to dodge the vote at twenty tribal councils is an impressive feat.

I mean sure, a game littered with big moves is far more exciting for the audience at home – amirite Ciera? – but Kristie was playing with a group largely dominated by castaways like Lee who had barely seen the show and labelled anyone that was actually playing a snake and immediately turned on them. Her only real option was to ride it out being underestimated for as long as should could before making the moves she needed to end up in the Final Two.

And given that she ended up in the Final Two, you’ve got to give her credit despite the large amount of luck involved in her game.

Plus, what she did with her slot in the finals was fascinating to watch. As Lee fumbled and was unsure of what to do, Kristie put her 16 years of watching the show to good use and took responsibility for her game and was assertive and eloquent in explaining why she played the best game given the cards she was dealt.

And thankfully the jury – minus El, obviously – rewarded her for the effort as she was crowned Sole Survivor.

Obviously I have been friends with Kristie for a couple of years, after meeting at an occult convention and eventually starting a wildly unsuccessful witches coven. But maybe that is because I was serving us ritualistic Kristie Belettes which are far more fitting as a victory dessert, rather than an offering to the gods.

 

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Like island living, this dessert is the perfect, rustic treat to serve to someone who would need to acclimate back into real life. You can pretty much make this using any combination of fruit you like or switching out the nuts but there is something I love about the earthy pecans, working with the sweet apple and tart blueberry.

It almost feels, triumphant – enjoy!

 

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Kristie Belette
Serves: 1 Sole Survivor, or 6-8 normal peeps.

Ingredients
½ cup pecans, lightly toasted
1 cup plain flour
2 tsp raw caster sugar for dough, ¼ cup for fruit mixture, plus more for dusting
½ tsp salt
¼ tsp cinnamon
½ cup chilled unsalted butter, cut into pieces
2 cups blueberries
1 apple, peeled, cored and finely diced
1 tbsp cornflour
1½ tsp lemon juice
2 tbsp milk

Method
Blitz pecans in a food processor to make a coarse meal. Add in the flour, 2 tsp sugar, salt and cinnamon and blitz briefly to mix. Then add butter and you guessed it, blitz again until it resembles wet sand. Kinda like Aganoa after the wave washed out their camp on night one?

Transfer the mixture to a bowl, add in some ice cold water – a tablespoon at a time – and mix until it just comes together. Form the dough into a disc, wrap in cling wrap and chill for at least an hour.

Preheat oven to 180°C.

While the oven is adding some heat to your life, combine the blueberries, apple, cornflour, lemon juice and ¼ cup sugar in a large bowl. Set aside.

Roll out the dough between two layers of baking paper until it is about a half a centimetre thick disc. Transfer to a lined baking sheet – or you know, flip one of the baking sheets you used to roll the dough over onto said sheet – mound the blueberry-apple mixture in the centre of the dough, leaving a 5cm edge which you then fold over in a rustic fashion, to ensure Kristie isn’t too uncomfortable by the high class of my baking after just escaping the jungle.

Brush said rustic fold with milk, sprinkle with sugar and bake until it is browned and crisp, with a molten berry centre aka 40 minutes. And I say browned, rather than golden because I clearly burnt this. What are you gonna do when you’re sipping mai tais while baking every other day in paradise?

Allow to cool slightly and devour. If it is warm, devour with ice cream – why not, she is our winner after all?

 

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Jalfleezi Carseldine

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2016), Main, Poultry, TV Recap

After booting El the night before, Kristie and Lee awoke on the final day to the customary breakfast feast where Kristie was giddy from excitement while Lee only seemed concerned. Maybe he realised that not wanting to play the game wasn’t actually the best strategy to win?

Not messing about or wanting to see Lee suffer in his thoughts, we arrived at final tribal council where the jury were trotted out to give us some excitement and bring the pain, right?

Oh yes, yes indeed! Well … kind of at least.

Before that though, Lee and Kristie were given the opportunity to make opening statements were Lee – of course – pledged loyalty, mateship and a moralistic game while an assertive Kristie emerged and completely dominated her opponent.

Then the good stuff happened well, after El was startled to be making a speech and then bumbled her way through an attempt to throw Kristie under the bus. Thankfully new Kristie wasn’t having a bar of it and shut her down.

Next it was Queen Flick’s turn to wonder why Kristie hadn’t made any big moves, to which she eloquently explained she was playing with the cards she was dealt and didn’t have the luxury to play in the majority and saw what happened when people stuck their necks out.

Brooke then teed up Lee dumping El – praise – before laying into Kristie for being controlled by Lee every step of the way. Obviously new Kristie wasn’t taking it and told her that she was using Lee by making him feel like he was in control.

JL – like us at home – then introduced herself to Kristie before absolutely tearing the ignorant and arrogant Lee – her words, obvs … since we’re boning – a new arsehole. While that would normally make me jealous, it was the most excitement I’ve seen on the show in weeks, so I let it slide.

Kylie then dropped by to remind us of that first episode winner’s edit and why it disappeared so quickly. I mean, seriously, you use your opportunity to tell them to keep answering questions?

Sam then dropped by to fill the non-fun angry juror quota, where he awkwardly confronted Lee for taking advantage of Kristie. Which is fine and all, if new Kristie hadn’t emerged at the start of final tribal and confirmed she was also using Lee.

Thankfully – or so I thought – Nick arrived to call them both out, asking where this Kristie had been the entire game, which had kind of already been answered, before slamming Lee’s morality … and making a bizarre casually homophobic comment from 2005, leading me to say forget you, go home, GOODBYE, you look weird cleanly shaven. Oh and eat yo’ damn rice.

Sue arrived and spoke for the audience, saying that Kristie’s game completely did her head in. Once again, new Kristie let Sue know that while her game ended her’s she went to twenty tribals, knowing who would go home every time.

Matt then tried to pull a rabbit out of his hat asking Kristie who he would be giving the money to – new or old Kristie – if she won his vote. Um, Matt – the ancient Samoan witch who will live on the island and never touch the money, duh. It is worth it.

With that, it was finally time to vote and given the fact that none of them really asked Lee any questions about his strategy, it is no surprise that Queen Kristie earnt her crown and took out the title of Sole Survivor.

Sadly for Lee, his kids were trotted out just in time to witness his loss – and I assume to let El meet her new step-kids – but thankfully it did distract him from the pain of losing the game he had never seen, in a landslide.

As I’ve made it quite clear throughout the season, Lee and I have been on-again, off-again lovers – block your ears Nick! – meeting at the cricket pitch when I answered a Craigslist ad for someone looking for someone to bat off and play with balls. While Lee hadn’t placed the ad, I was taken in by his banging bod and pursued him relentlessly until I eventually wore him down.

Wanting to distract from his loss and reinvigorate our spark in a tropical setting, I decided to whip him up our favourite date meal my Jalfleezi Carseldine.

 

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Like my dear Lee, this curry is super hot. Like, damn hot. Throw in some thick, juicy balls and you’ve got a mouthful of absolute goodness. Oh and I strongly recommend serving generously slathered with raita as it is hot and real adds the smutty visual you want when eating outwith Lee.

Enjoy!

 

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Jalfleezi Carseldine
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
500g chicken mince
¼ cup jalfrezi curry paste
⅓ cup frozen peas, defrosted and drained
2 tbsp fresh coriander leaves, chopped, plus extra to garnish
250g cauliflower, trimmed and blitzed in a food processor
2 shallots, thinly sliced
1 small carrot, grated
vegetable oil
1 onion, peeled, finely chopped
2 cloves garlic, peeled, sliced
2 tsp ground ginger
3 tsp ground cumin
3 tsp ground coriander seeds
800g chopped tomatoes
small knob of butter, about a tablespoon
juice of one lemon
lime wedges, to serve
sliced red chillies, to serve
long grain rice, to serve
raita, to serve

Method
Place mince, curry paste, peas, coriander, cauliflower, shallots and carrot in a large bowl, season and mix well.

Shape into meatballs – roughly the size of golf balls – with wet hands, place on a lined baking sheet, cover and place in the fridge for an hour.

Heat a lug of oil in a large pan over medium heat and sweat the onion and garlic until translucent, aka a couple of minutes. Add all the spices and cook for a further minute to release the flavour. Add in the tinned tomatoes, rinsing the tins out with a bit of water and adding it to the pan. Give a good stir, turn the heat up to high and bring to the boil. Once boiling, reduce the heat to low, gently drop in the meatballs and simmer, covered, for about half an hour, stirring sporadically.

Uncover, stir through the butter and lemon juice and remove from the heat.

Serve on a generous bed of rice with lime, chilli, coriander and all the usual fixins’ – if only Jeff was here to say that – raita, pappadums, naan etc.

 

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