Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner

Happy clappy chappy

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

My oldest and most dearest friend and rumoured vampire Pharrell called last night to ask if he could drop by and rejuvenate after having such a busy few years. Obviously this made me very happy – feel free to clap along – and I agreed instantly.

He’ll come so far, to be fed something blah.

So let’s raise the bar and fill my plate with a star!

He’ll fill up-a his tum, I’ll be up to feed hum.
We’ll be up all night catching-up, I just can’t wait to say sup’?

(But seriously, if you have a better rhyming word for up, i’ma let you finish).

Picture source: Kevin Winter / Getty Images for NARAS.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

In the flesh and the fantasy

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Near, far, wherever you are, gather round – do I have some exciting news for you!

Yep, my dear friend Céline Dion is coming back to me for dinner this week and I couldn’t be happier.

As you know, Céline had a very rough start to the year – sadly, I assume after a very feliz navidad – so I’m hoping that the power of love is enough to remind her that a new day has come.

What says the power of the dream brought you here so I can help make you happy?

Picture source: Unknown.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Donna Martin graduates

Donna Martin graduates, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Da na na na, da na na na – dum da / clap clap.

You hear that? Yep, it is the sweet, sweet sound of West Beverly’s anthem warming up for the ultimate event of the year – the 23rd Anniversary of Donna Martin’s Graduation.  23, the milestone you celebrate when you miss 20 but can’t be bothered to wait for 25.

As has been well documented, Annelie and I grew up on the set of 90210 and were an integral part of the off screen crew, as well as provided Aaron with the inspiration for the epic battle between Brenda and Kelly with our antics.

With Annelie still dealing with her tragic, cage-fight induced amnesia, I am rounding up some of the West Bev gang to try and trigger her memories of our past / celebrate the anniversary of Don’s grad.

I don’t know what else to say, really, but Donna Martin graduates.

Donna Martin graduates.

Donna Martin … graduates. Let’s celebrate!

Picture source: Screen-cap from Beverly Hills 90210.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

The Naked Truth hurts

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

There are not many people on the planet that would forgive the man whose sex addiction synced with their husband’s, leading to a torrid and downright filthy affair.

My dear, understanding, patient and forgiving friend Téa Leoni, however, is one of them.

I first connected with good Tay-Tay, in the early 90s when I was part of Geena Davis’ entourage. Tay had a bit-part in A League of Their Own and we bonded over our mutual-hatred of Madonna on set. Seeing the talent within her, I took her under my wing and endeavoured to make her a star.

A big, big fucking star!

If only I hadn’t fu … nevermind.

What says thank you for forgiving my indiscretion with your husband and continuing with our beautiful friendship?

Picture source: Kirk McKoy / Los Angeles Times.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Sail Away

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Call it the luck of the irish but Enya has finally reached out to end our long simmering feud. I won’t go into too many details at the moment, mainly because I was completely at fault, but I am so thankful that she can see I’m the pot of gold at the end of her rainbow.

Honestly, I’m not even trying to make that sexual.

I first met Enya after bamboozling her parents into hiring me as a beer wench – my chosen job title, not theirs – at their pub in the mid 70s.

Having a keen eye for talent … that I can ride the coat-tails of, I was immediately drawn to Ens and played an integral part in her successes.

What says I (guess I) am sorry for the trauma I caused and I want the pain you feel to just sail away?

Sail away.

Sail away.

Picture source: Unknown.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

The music in me

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

As you should know by now, I was once a dear friend of Elton’s … until he coined the term vile pig to describe me. We’ve now been viciously feuding for 20 years, give or take (I really should contact him to celebrate our anniversary soon).

Anyway, I’m not here to talk more about my ongoing feud – Kiki Dee is dropping by and I could not be happier!

I first met Keeks in the early 60s – fun off-topic fact, I convinced the creators of The O.C. to give Kirsten the nickname Kiki due to our bond, but I’ve digressed … but when don’t I.  We were both singing backing vocals for Dusty Springfield at the time.

Kiki could see that I was making poor choices (which rubbed off on Dusty), took me in and helped me detox, which at the time involved a lot of electroshock therapy which we did at home using a fork and power points. Sure it wasn’t safe, but the 60s hold my record for most days sober.

What says thanks for getting me on the straight-as-I-could-ever-be and narrow, more than orchestrating the majesty of Don’t Go Breaking My Heart?

Picture source: BBC.co.uk

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

My Own Private Guytablow

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Talk about a blast from the past! I was heading back from rigging the Rip Curl Pro for Matty Wilkinson in Bells Beach, when I thought, damn my life has been lacking drama lately so I picked up the phone and called my dear friend Keanu Reeves.

As you would be aware, Keanu is 100% pure adrenaline meaning, obviously, we had a torrid love affair which may or may not have lead to his expulsion from the Etobicoke School of the Arts. While he was bummed to be expelled from ESA, the incident bonded us for life and loosely inspired three of his latter films: Speed, My Own Private Idaho and The Devil’s Advocate.

While to commoners it may appear that Keanu has fallen off the face of the earth in recent years, we try to stay in touch every couple of months when we get together to read scripts and make smart career decisions … like avoiding working with my nemesis / evil shrew, Sandra Bullock.

Yep – sorry Jason Patric, I’m the reason Speed 2 became available.

What says thanks for finally letting me share our beautiful love story?

Picture source: Screen cap from Point Break.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Short and curly

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Can she become
Can she become
My new favourite celebrity date?

New week
New month
A new celeb dropping by my home
I don’t remember (why we haven’t seen each other in so long)

Ne-ew time spent with you
I ne-ed time for me (to plan what to make)

What fo-od can I serve you
Keri, what can I cook that best reflects the close friendship you once shared with me

Fuck – I just remembered why we lost touch …

Picture source: Unknown.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

The Visit of Dibley

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

After a busy week focusing on the ritual to rebirth Meg Ryan’s career, I started to crave a religious experience and since I’ve been blacklisted from six niche religions I felt the smartest move would be to reach out to my dear friend, the Vicar of Dibley herself – Dawn French.

Obviously I met Frenchie in the 70s while attending the Central School of Speech and Drama with Jenny Saunds, obviously we became the best of friends (they are part of my European best friend trio – the British equivalent of Amy and Teens), obviously I inspired numerous of the characters they created on French & Saunders and obviously they have stood by during my countless scandals.

It has been a few years since last catching up with Frenchie. You see, Dawn had tried to assist me in rigging Australia’s Got Talent but when I realised that I actually had no talent that could transfer to TV, I orchestrated the show’s second axing. Feeling awkward, I’ve kept a low profile with Dawn, JIC she holds it against me.

Given some of the other things she has forgiven though, I doubt she will.

What says sorry I got AGT axed for a year resulting in you spending time with Timomatic for no real reason?

Also, what is a Timomatic?

Picture source: BBC.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

The 12th Annual Easter Meggstravaganza: When Meggy met Eggy

12th Annual Easter Meggstravaganza, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Despite another year of our egg based return-to-fame ritual, poor Meggy Ryan wasn’t able to make the triumphant return to the A-list that she so deserved.

As you now know, Annelie and I have been catching up with Megs each Easter for the past decade to bring new life into her shockingly, unfairly stalled career.

While you could argue that a co-starring role with Kiernan Shipka on an ABC Family TV movie is a huge boost to her career, it didn’t set her career alight quite like we had hoped. With Annelie still struggling with cage-fighting induced amnesia, I am assembling the usual classification of friends together to try and finally nudge her back into the stratosphere.

Who will be the struggling musician,  successful TV star,  shockingly-still-living legend and, of course, the hero that I join together with Meg and a dick-load of peyote? To be continued, as the say …

Welcome to The 12th Annual Easter Meggstravaganza! The twelfth time’s the charm, isn’t it?

Picture source: Screenshot from The Lion King.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.