Taratin Reid

Baking, Dessert, Pie, Snack, Sweets

While I am ok at admitting when I’m in the wrong, it is rare for me to admit when I completely got a situation wrong. Like the situation that led to my dogged pursuit of destroying Tara Reid in the media for the last two years.

You see, Tara was trying to protect me. From myself and Hoff, knowing that he and I have long enjoyed a dear friendship and she didn’t want our relationship to flow from the screen to off, and end in Hoff’s third divorce and the end of a beautiful friendship.

Sure – it was a little presumptuous of her but there was a 99% chance of that entire scenario playing out, so there was nothing I could do but breakdown in tears, hold her and be thankful that I have such a dear friend that knows me so well and wants to protect me from myself.

Tara Reid, realistically, should become the first living person to be canonised.

As you know, I got Tara her big break in The Big Lebowski through my boy Philly Sey after me became firm friends during her brief appearance on Days of Our Lives (I was dating Drake Hogestyn at the time). While we were close after Days, our friendship truly blossomed after Lebowski and she dedicated her life to paying me  back for my kindness.

In a plot twist, that devotion is what made her block my Sharknado 3 casting despite knowing it would risk our friendship. See, she is a damn saint.

After putting an end to the feud and apologising profusely for all the horrible things I said about her in the media, things went straight back to normal and we laughed while filling each other in on what was going on in our lives over a Taratin Reid.

 

 

Sweet, rustic and altogether homely, this is the perfect dish to sweeten the deal of an apology … and nourish the rekindling of a beautiful, beautiful friendship.

Enjoy!

 

 

Taratin Reid
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
2 cups plain flour
1 tbsp raw caster sugar
pinch of salt
125g unsalted butter, cubed
2 eggs
6 apples, peeled, halved and cored
1 lemon, juiced
50g raw caster sugar
50g muscovado sugar
200g butter, at room temperature

Method
Combine the flour, caster sugar and salt in a food processor with the unsalted butter and blitz until it resembles wet sand. Add the eggs and blitz until just coming together. Remove from the processor, shape into a ball, flatten into a disc, wrap in cling and place in the fridge for half an hour.

While the dough is chilling, preheat the oven to 180°C. While preparing the apples, add them to the lemon juice to stop them from going brown.

Heat a medium, ovenproof  frying pan over low heat and melt the sugars with three tablespoons of water, stirring until melted. Increase the heat and allow to caramelise, without stirring, until it forms a honey colour. Add the butter and stir until completely melted. Remove from heat.

Add the apples to the pan, curved side down until they are tightly packed. Place in the oven and bake for half an hour. While baking, roll out the dough to the size of the pan and place in the fridge to chill until the apples are done.

Remove the pan from the oven and allow to cool slightly before placing the dough on top, tucking the edges into the pan. Bake for 20-30 minutes, or until browned and crisp. Remove the pan again and allow to cool completely before gently turning the tart out of the pan onto a plate. Serve and devour immediately, with or without ice cream.

 

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American Pienado

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Catching up with Kimmy last week reminded me that I need to bury the hatchet with my dear ex-friend – and her Sharknado 3 co-star – Tara Reid.

You see, I got her cast in arguably her two biggest breaks – The Big Lebowski, thanks Phil, RIP and Sharknado, via my boy Ian – and then she heartlessly refused to get me cast as David Hasselhoff’s love interest in the fourth movie, triggering our epic feud.

But as you’ve probably guessed by now, I feel it is time to finally put an end to said feud and reconnect with my dear, sweet friend.

What do I make that says I forgive you and I want to get back to the beautiful friendship we once had?

Image source: Unknown.

 

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Zach Braffogato

Drink, Grammy Gold, Grammy Gold: Golden Little Pill, Sweets

No doubt your first thought when you heard about Grammy Gold was finally, Ben’s friendship with Zach Braff is finally going to get the coverage it deserves.

So yes, I’ve opted not to zig or zag and instead do as you predicted and include my dear friend and famed Grammy winner, TV actor and director Zachy B in this Grammy celebration … despite our infamous falling out after my name was mysteriously struck from the Garden State soundtrack credits, losing me my chance at a Grammy.

Despite promising that neither he nor his other bestie/Scrubs co-star Donald Faison were involved, it begged the question, why even mention Don?

What resulted was a bitter decade-long feud – on my part – with me trying to bring him down at every opportunity. However after successfully getting Scrubs axed in 2010 and blocking studios from funding his follow-up film Wish I was Here, I felt unfulfilled and donated $100,000 of my grifted funds to help him make his movie and rekindled our friendship in the process.

It was a slow process to rebuild our relationship – particularly with him forbidding me from getting back with my ex / his new frequent collaborator James Franco – but we’ve finally got back to how it was in the good old days and he jumped at the opportunity to drop by, chat the Grammys – he is backing Straight Outta Compton (named after a song I co-wrote) to take out his old category – and catch-up over a perky nana Zach Braffogato.

 

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Ice cream in coffee aka an affogato is delicious and perfect – the ice cream makes it sweet and thick and balances with the sharp coffee. Perfect, right? Well try coffee ice cream in your coffee … that is truly perfect.

Enjoy!

 

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Zach Braffogato
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
double shot of freshly poured espresso
a scoop of coffee ice cream

Method
Pour the espresso in the cup – bucking the traditional method, I know – and add in a dollop of ice cream.

Down / devour.

 

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Mandy S’mores

A decade of saying so, Dessert, Snack, Sweets

Can you believe we have made it to the end of our decade of saying so celebrations? I know that my enthusiasm for the masterpiece will help foster a cult-like love for the film and therefore, this won’t be the single last instance of someone celebrating the classic … but can you believe this beautiful soiree is over?

Tragic.

Almost as tragic as every episode of my dear friend Mandy Moore’s new show, who coincidentally is the final piece of the celebratory puzzle.

Mand is one of my top ten best friends now (and second favourite Mandy, behind Patinkin), but our relationship got off to an extremely rocky start due to our status as rival pop divas. While it never got as bad as things between Ashlee Simpson and I – you know I sabotaged her SNL appearance – she did steal two songs that I had rejected and made them hits AND had a song about pockets against Alanis and my will, meaning it was quite frosty between us.

Thankfully we connected on the set of The Princess Diaries over a mutual hate of my completely insufferable frenemy Anne Hathaway. I’ve said it a thousand times, mutual hate really unites people – I mean, just look at Trump uniting communities against him.

Anyway, Mandy has finally found herself a on successful TV show – which bagged her a Golden Globe nomination to boot – so has been super hard to pin down for a catch up but when I told her it was to celebrate the gem that is Because I Said So, she agreed to take a brief production hiatus on This Is Us and head on over to split some Many S’mores with me.

 

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Being Australian, I didn’t grow up knowing the wonder of devouring a s’more. Deep down I think I always knew that life was missing something and that that something was a s’more, but it wasn’t until I had a deconstructed one for dessert at Saxon + Parole that I truly understood how futile my life had been until that point.

Knowing Mands would love me to make her a camping from s’more experience – YAS YAS YAS smoking liquid – I popped in the time machine and made some to accompany our Hathahate.

And she loved them, obviously – enjoy!

 

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Mandy S’mores
Makes: 6.

Ingredients
12 Lauren Graham Crackers
Hickory smoke essence, to taste
150g mini marshmallows
3 Hershey’s Milk Chocolate Bars

Method
Preheat a grill (aka a broiler) on medium heat.

Lay six crackers on a lined baking sheet.

Brush with smoking essence.

Top with mini ‘mallows.

Place under the grill until golden and gooey.

Top each with half a chocolate bar and a remaining biscuit.

Devour.

 

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Keri Brussell Sprouts Salad

Salad, Side

Yep, apologies Felicity fans – I was the one that not only encouraged her haircut but the one that drunkenly took blunt scissors to it, after a bender in the meatpacking district or West Hollywood (I can not remember where it was filmed, just that I was hustling, off the wagon and loving it) and left Kez and the WB hairstylist to try and find a way out of the mess.

Thankfully Kez is as sweet and understanding as dear Felicity and didn’t hold it against me.

I first met Keri in 1995 when she had a guest stint on Married … with Children – my torrid affair with David Faustino was coming to an end after he (correctly) accused me of having an affair with Ed O’Neill, a down-to-peg Sagal and Marcy. Yes, Marcy – I am not attracted to Mandy unless she is in character.

As you could imagine, it was a very tumultuous time and dear Keri (incorrectly) saw me as a victim and quickly rescued me from the hell (of my own creation). You know how the story goes by now; celeb meets boy, boy pretends he isn’t toxic and tricks up and coming celeb into being his friend, boy relapses/is involved in scandal/is incarcerated and celebrity stands by him through thick and thin.

Even when he takes her hair from thick, to thin. Yeah … I am aware of how lucky I am to have found such supportive A-listers.

Despite hairgate, Kez has been on the up-and-up, which I like to attribute to her critically applauded turn in Waitress, which I financed out of guilt (I also funded a PSA called August Thrush but it was recut to make a poignant movie – I’m pretty kind). Now instead of her success depending on the length of her hair, she is being overlooked for Emmy Awards and battling whichever animal Andy Serkis most recently played.

It was such a treat catching up on the good old days and to see that her hair is as luscious as the world wants it to be (aside, must secure a shampoo commercial for Connie Britton and Kez). We laughed about Scott Foley’s obsession with me, Jeremy Sisto’s obsession with me … and, who could forget, Andy Serkis’ obsession with me, before sitting down to a light Keri Brussell Sprout Salad.

 

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Oh, I forgot … Cheryl Hines was also obsessed with me, but I’ve digressed.

While most people either hate or simply tolerate brussel sprouts, they would have to be my favourite vegetable. Even when steamed to within an inch of its life and the water is gone out the pan and now tastes smoked, slather on a knob of butter and those little balls have my heart.

Don’t even go there.

Anyway, it is autumn in Australia and despite still having sweat dripping of my balls on the daily, that means lettuce is now for suckers. Shred these little bad boys with some fried, salty bacon, sharp cheese and some nuts and you have a testicular inspired, culinary delight.

Enjoy!

 

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Keri Brussell Sprouts Salad
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
6 rashers streaky bacon, roughly diced
350g brussels sprouts
¼ cup red wine vinegar
1 clove garlic, crushed
3 tbsp olive oil
60g parmesan cheese, grated
¼ cup almonds, roughly chopped and toasted
¼ cup flat leaf parsley

Method
Heat a small frying pan over medium heat and cook bacon for a couple of minutes, until golden and crisp. Remove to drain on a paper towel.

While the bacon is chilling out, roughly shred the sprouts and transfer to a bowl. Add the remaining ingredients, bacon included, and toss well to combine.

Devour and remind yourself to always think through your haircuts.

 

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Short and curly

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Can she become
Can she become
My new favourite celebrity date?

New week
New month
A new celeb dropping by my home
I don’t remember (why we haven’t seen each other in so long)

Ne-ew time spent with you
I ne-ed time for me (to plan what to make)

What fo-od can I serve you
Keri, what can I cook that best reflects the close friendship you once shared with me

Fuck – I just remembered why we lost touch …

Picture source: Unknown.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.