Taratin Reid

Baking, Dessert, Pie, Snack, Sweets

While I am ok at admitting when I’m in the wrong, it is rare for me to admit when I completely got a situation wrong. Like the situation that led to my dogged pursuit of destroying Tara Reid in the media for the last two years.

You see, Tara was trying to protect me. From myself and Hoff, knowing that he and I have long enjoyed a dear friendship and she didn’t want our relationship to flow from the screen to off, and end in Hoff’s third divorce and the end of a beautiful friendship.

Sure – it was a little presumptuous of her but there was a 99% chance of that entire scenario playing out, so there was nothing I could do but breakdown in tears, hold her and be thankful that I have such a dear friend that knows me so well and wants to protect me from myself.

Tara Reid, realistically, should become the first living person to be canonised.

As you know, I got Tara her big break in The Big Lebowski through my boy Philly Sey after me became firm friends during her brief appearance on Days of Our Lives (I was dating Drake Hogestyn at the time). While we were close after Days, our friendship truly blossomed after Lebowski and she dedicated her life to paying me  back for my kindness.

In a plot twist, that devotion is what made her block my Sharknado 3 casting despite knowing it would risk our friendship. See, she is a damn saint.

After putting an end to the feud and apologising profusely for all the horrible things I said about her in the media, things went straight back to normal and we laughed while filling each other in on what was going on in our lives over a Taratin Reid.

 

 

Sweet, rustic and altogether homely, this is the perfect dish to sweeten the deal of an apology … and nourish the rekindling of a beautiful, beautiful friendship.

Enjoy!

 

 

Taratin Reid
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
2 cups plain flour
1 tbsp raw caster sugar
pinch of salt
125g unsalted butter, cubed
2 eggs
6 apples, peeled, halved and cored
1 lemon, juiced
50g raw caster sugar
50g muscovado sugar
200g butter, at room temperature

Method
Combine the flour, caster sugar and salt in a food processor with the unsalted butter and blitz until it resembles wet sand. Add the eggs and blitz until just coming together. Remove from the processor, shape into a ball, flatten into a disc, wrap in cling and place in the fridge for half an hour.

While the dough is chilling, preheat the oven to 180°C. While preparing the apples, add them to the lemon juice to stop them from going brown.

Heat a medium, ovenproof  frying pan over low heat and melt the sugars with three tablespoons of water, stirring until melted. Increase the heat and allow to caramelise, without stirring, until it forms a honey colour. Add the butter and stir until completely melted. Remove from heat.

Add the apples to the pan, curved side down until they are tightly packed. Place in the oven and bake for half an hour. While baking, roll out the dough to the size of the pan and place in the fridge to chill until the apples are done.

Remove the pan from the oven and allow to cool slightly before placing the dough on top, tucking the edges into the pan. Bake for 20-30 minutes, or until browned and crisp. Remove the pan again and allow to cool completely before gently turning the tart out of the pan onto a plate. Serve and devour immediately, with or without ice cream.

 

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American Pienado

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Catching up with Kimmy last week reminded me that I need to bury the hatchet with my dear ex-friend – and her Sharknado 3 co-star – Tara Reid.

You see, I got her cast in arguably her two biggest breaks – The Big Lebowski, thanks Phil, RIP and Sharknado, via my boy Ian – and then she heartlessly refused to get me cast as David Hasselhoff’s love interest in the fourth movie, triggering our epic feud.

But as you’ve probably guessed by now, I feel it is time to finally put an end to said feud and reconnect with my dear, sweet friend.

What do I make that says I forgive you and I want to get back to the beautiful friendship we once had?

Image source: Unknown.

 

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Alan Cumin Chicken

Main, Party Food, Poultry, Side, Snack, Tony Gold, Tony Gold: Hamilgold

You know how special it is when you’re watching an Academy Award winning performance and just marvel at the perfection unfolding on screen? Think, Cate Blanchett in Blue Jasmine, Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight … and Meryl in everything.

Take that majesty, multiply it by 73, carry the fourteen, square root the power of three and you have a fraction of how electric it is to witness a Tony Award winning performance on Broad-way. And my dear part-time lover Alan Cumming’s performance in Cabaret gave me all the tingles in all the ways … in all the places.

Now full disclosure, I’ve only seen his performance as the MC in its most recent revival given the drunken stupor in which I navigated the 90s – opposite my girl, Academy Award winner Emma Stone, no less – which didn’t actually earn him the Tony Gold … but it was still as electric and sexual as always. Plus, dat arse has not quit in the time away from the role.

Despite the fact I almost got kicked out from the showing after befriending two wild, tipsy women from Washington, I screamed out to Alan that security were manhandling me, he recognised my moans, worked it into the show and got me backstage.

Oh – I should probably mentioned that we hadn’t spoken since having an epic lover’s quarrel at Natasha Richardson’s funeral, so the fact that he saved me getting the boot and allowed me backstage was quite the olive branch. Though we had been friends since meeting on the set of GoldenEye – I was in Sean Bean’s entourage at the time – and I had helped his career reach the next level, so I shouldn’t have been too shocked.

We quickly got reacquainted backstage after the show and have been in regular contact ever since. He was thrilled that I had finally found another way to bow down at the altar of the great white way with Tony Gold, so jumped at the chance to celebrate and run the male performance odds.

Like with Ang, we both agreed that Ben Platt and Nathan Lane would take out Leading Actor in a Musical and Featured Actor in a Play respectively, we couldn’t reach consensus with the others. While he favoured Corey Hawkins for Leading Actor in a Play, I went with Chris Cooper and for Featured Actor in a Musical, I couldn’t go past my lover Andrew Rannells … which piqued his interest when we sat down to my Alan Cumin Chicken.

 

 

I know what you’re thinking – cumin, just fucking cumin? Are you kidding mate? The answer is a firm no, no I am not … as this is delicious. Just spicy enough to be exciting, but not too overpowering to make you want to vom and run out of the kitchen in tears.

What a freaking salesman – enjoy!

 

 

Alan Cumin Chicken
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g chicken breasts, cut into pieces
3 tbsp ground cumin
juice and zest of a lemon
a clove of garlic, minced
¼ cup olive oil
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Combine the cumin, lemon, garlic and oil in a small bowl. Add the chicken to the mixture, toss, cover and allow to baste for an hour of so.

Heat a griddle on high until scorching, reduce heat to low and cook the chicken for about five minutes each side, or until cooked through.

Serve on a platter with some natural yoghurt and fresh coriander … to devour.

 

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