Pianist

Baked Camemburt Bacharach

Grammy Gold, Grammy Gold: Goldenade, Party Food, Side, Snack, Tapas, Vegetarian

I can’t believe that we’re already up to the second day of this year’s famed Grammy Gold celebration, Goldenade. No sooner had I returned the delorean to the garage after visiting Whits did my boy Burt Bacharach start knocking on my door. And after the pain of seeing my dearly departed Whit, what my world needed now (aka then) was love, sweet love.

Burt and I known each other for years and years after meeting in – and I think this is a record for this patch of cyberspace –  the nursery of the hospital in Kansas City, Missouri. Not to be confused with the hospital in Ebbing, Missouri. It’s near these billboards that inspired a movie … but anyway.

We’ve known each other from birth and after legal emancipating myself from my parents – they didn’t let me have ice cream one night – I moved to New York with the Bacharachs and as repayment, became Burt’s manager.

As I’m sure you would agree, he got quite a good deal.

Since I really like to put my guests through their paces AND the fact I stopped caring about Jazz again as soon as La La Land finished, I decided to run the odds for R&B with Burty. Cause when you think Burt, you think R&B. Anyway, we think this category will fall to a combination of Childish Gambino, Kehlani and Bruno Mars. Kehlani will take Best R&B Performance, Childish Gambino will take Best Traditional R&B Performance, R&B Song and Urban Contemporary Album, while Bruno Mars will take out Best R&B Album.

While there wasn’t much discussion or arguing about who the winners would be, we both felt extremely smug and like we worked hard … so I headed off to whip us up a Baked Camemburt Bacharach.

 

 

Deliciously goopy and with a punch of garlic and a whack of herbs, this little number is the perfect snack when you want to impress your guests whilst putting in the least amount of effort possible. I mean, stab, stuff, bake … and that is it.

Enjoy!

 

 

Baked Camemburt Bacharach
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
200g camembert in a wooden box
3 garlic cloves, peeled and sliced
a couple of sprigs of fresh thyme
a sprig of rosemary
1 tbsp honey
1 ciabatta, thinly sliced and toasted

Method
Preheat the oven to 180°C.

Remove the camembert from the box and packaging. Line the box with some foil and a small piece of baking paper before returning it to the wooden box.

Cut a few slits over the top of the camembert and stuff with sliced garlic, thyme and rosemary. Drizzle with honey, scrunch the foil to close and place in the oven to bake for ten minutes, or until it is puffed and gooey.

Remove from the oven, open the foil and serve immediately … to devour with the toasted ciabatta.

 

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Elton Johnnycakes

Breakfast, Grammy Gold, Grammy Gold: Golden Little Pill, Snack

I know what you’re thinking – did hell freeze over? While technically, the answer is no (as far as we can tell), both Elts and I felt that with Trump’s election, the impossible and stupid is now possible and so our feuding should come to an end.

Despite my pledge to always be his staunchest of rivals.

We started a renewed correspondence back in mid-December to throw shade at the vile pig that was elected as the President of the United States. After a few weeks of back and forth rage, we realised that despite our tumultuous past it was time to unite for the greater good of the world – it is amazing what a mutual enemy does for one’s friendships!

(Yes, I’m now going for a Nobel Peace Prize too – FYI … in lieu of the Oscar he made me lose in the ‘90s).

Wanting to sort out our issues before we both changed our mind – and given the fact he has his own Oscars celebration – I decided to mark our renewed friendship by including him in our Grammy Gold celebrations, rather than wait (or rub salt in the wounds) for Oscar Gold.

While it was obviously, extremely awkward for a good twenty minutes or so as we both circled each other hurling back-handed compliments, until I softened and mentioned his spawn, softening his heart and allowing us to truly connect like in the good old days.

Well, almost – he hadn’t had a post-flight colonic. Which reminds me, he obvs wrote Benny and the Jets about me during happier times.

Not to let that dampen the mood, I quickly whipped up a batch of my Elton Johnnycakes – for the first time post feud – which was our go to post-coitus (or colonic) snack.

 

elton-johnnycakes-1

 

Pancakes are good and all, but how can you go past a option that is thicker, juicer and packed full of a different flavour. Gah – I think I missed Elts in our time apart, don’t tell anyone.

Enjoy!

 

elton-johnnycakes-2

 

Elton Johnnycakes
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
150g polenta
100g flour
1 tbsp baking powder
1 tbsp raw caster sugar
pinch of salt
2 eggs
300ml milk
30g butter, melted

Method
Combine the dry ingredients in a large bowl and whisk together the milk and eggs in a jug. Stirring constantly, whisk the wet ingredients into the dry until some and combined. Finally, whisk in the butter.

Meanwhile heat a skillet over medium heat. Melt a small lug of butter and when foamy, add in a ¼ cup of batter into the pan. After a minute or so, flip over the cake and cook for a further minute. Transfer to a plate.

Repeat until done and devour in bed, alone or with a dear friend (in the ‘70s obvs, not now).

 

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Chicken Cacciatori Amos

Main, Poultry

It was such a treat to have Tori drop by – I forgot how deep a connection we share and how robust the conversation is between us.

I first connect with Tori in the mid/late 70s while (I was) turning tricks in the cubicle of a Maryland gay bar.  Torz was working at the club as a singer – under the watchful eye of her father who sadly had no interest in my advances – and was drawn to my creative albeit debauched spirit.

While most Pastors would advise against their children befriending vagrant, attempted hookers Mr. A knew that I was a good guy deep down and supported what has become a four decade friendship.

Obviously there was a period of estrangement, after I lashed out at her for not properly thanking me for helping her rework her breakthrough album Little Earthquakes but thankfully we were able to work through the ish pretty quickly and I continued to be her closest confidante.

I hadn’t seen Torz since getting kicked out of her orchestra concert at the Opera House in 2014 – apparently the skin flute isn’t an instrument that establishment likes you to play to an audience – so I was paranoid she may have been annoyed at me.

Thankfully she wasn’t and we quickly got down to catching up and working on music for her next album. I mean, I am her muse after all, so she couldn’t pass up that opportunity.

But anyway, you know that one of the main reasons she travelled over those 1000 Oceans was to try the flavor sensation that is my Chicken Cacciatori Amos. Which obviously is her favourite meal.

 

chicken-cacciatori-amos-1

 

The catch to a good cacc is all in the simmer. Like me in a feud, you want the chicken to sit and stew in its rage until it either boils over in a mess/tabloids dream or softens up and falls off the bone. The meat obviously, you know I wouldn’t fall off.

Enjoy!

 

chicken-cacciatori-amos-2

 

Chicken Cacciatori Amos
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
2 kg chicken drumsticks and thighs (with bones in … you know I love that)
2 tbsp flour
1 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, chopped
3 garlic cloves, crushed
2 celery sticks, chopped
2 carrots, peeled, chopped
150g pancetta, diced
125g button mushrooms, sliced
100ml white wine
2 x 400g cans diced tomatoes
150ml chicken stock
⅓ cup kalamata olives, pitted
2 bay leaves
2 sprigs fresh rosemary

Method
Dust chicken with flour, heat a lug of oil in a casserole dish – le creuset, obviously – on high and fry the chicken for a couple of minutes each side, in batches. Remove and set aside.

Reduce the heat and sweat the onion, garlic, celery, carrot and pancetta until soft, sweet and the pancetta rendered – a couple of minutes should suffice. Return chicken to the pan and add the mushrooms and wine. Bring to boil and reduce heat to simmer for a couple of minutes, or until the wine has almost evaporated.

Add bay leaves, rosemary, tomatoes and a tin full of water, cover and simmer for 25-30 minutes, or until cooked through. Stir through the olives and devour with a shit tonne of mash.

 

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Catching a sneeze (but not pinning it down)

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

After catching up with Pats last week, I got to thinking about my musical friendships. Add Hillary’s nomination becoming official and I got nostalgic about all of my friendships with empowering women.

With that, I got Tori Amos on the phone to see if she was keen to catch up.

Obviously, she said yes.

What do I make other than cornflakes, for my girl?

Picture source: Andy Sheppard/Redferns.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Tomatoni Braxton Relish

Condiment, Sauce

I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned it but I really dislike, nay hate, David Foster. I mean sure, he’s had to live under the tyranny of Yolanda’s lemon regime, but he truly is just the worst.

His music however, not so bad … when you aren’t forced around the piano at gunpoint after dinner. Then it is a new and particularly heinous form of torture.

Hang on, I’ve digressed before even beginning; the bad blood started with David after he got me booted from the producing team of my dear friend Toni Braxton’s signature hit Un-Break My Heart (fun fact, the hit and run wasn’t meant to be part of the film-clip).

I had been close friends with Toni for countless decades before, meeting through her mother in South Carolina where I trained to be a cosmetologist. Being overwhelmed by our burgeoning talents, Toni and I formed a life-bond over the shared experience of others’ lesser talent and society’s general mediocrity.

Sure, there was an ugly period after David’s nefarious scheme to boot me from the single after I didn’t let him grope me in the back of a car however Toni eventually saw him for a cad and all was forgiven.

Tones dropped by to help mend my feud with Tamar (she stole my role on DWTS) and discuss a potential collab between The Braxtons and I. Obviously the only thing that can help feed our souls is my famed Tomatoni Braxton Relish.

 

Tomatoni Braxton Relish-1

 

Some say that relish is a condiment but Tones and I would have to respectfully disagree. I mean, how else do you think we got voices like angels? Tart, sweet and spicy – this is everything you want a relish to be … for whatever meal you want it as.

Enjoy!

 

Tomatoni Braxton Relish-2

 

Tomatoni Braxton Relish
Makes: About 2 cups.

Ingredients
1 tbsp vegetable oil
1 tsp yellow mustard seeds
12 fresh curry leaves
1 onion, sliced
2 garlic cloves, chopped
1 tsp ground turmeric
1 tsp ground coriander seeds
1 tsp ground black pepper
½ tsp ground cumin
2 whole cloves
1 cinnamon quill
2 dried bay leaves
1 cup muscovado sugar
1 cup apple cider vinegar
2 x 400g can whole tomatoes
salt, to taste

Method
Heat the oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add the mustard seeds and curry leaves and cook stirring until the mustard seeds start to pop. Add in the onion and garlic and cook, again stirring, until the onion starts to sweat before tossing through the spices and bay leaves, cooking for a further minute.

Stir through the brown sugar, apple cider vinegar and tomatoes, lower heat and reduce until thick and sticky. Season to taste and devour … or use as a condiment and store in a sterilised jar, if you’re an animal like that!

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.