Spicy

George Takeios

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It is always difficult to maintain a friendship with someone you share an unbridled sexual chemistry with … thankfully, it has kind of become our thing.

We stayed close with George following our unplanned stint in the jungle and he and his husband Brad, have had us stay countless times (sadly, we stayed in guest rooms) and he even got us jobs as Julia Roberts’ and Tom Hanks’ stunt doubles on the film Larry Crowne.

George dropped by sulusolo however sadly he wasn’t there to share himself with us … just his congratulatory regards.

You see, buzz is building about this current catch-up project of ours in Hollywood and studios/networks are plotting to sign us any way they can! Don’t tell, but we would likely go with Netflix (unless Les is willing to give us the shared role of Probst’s on location assistants, and you know which location we will be on).

George excitedly shared what he had heard while we caught-up over a banquet of our George Takeios.

 

George Takeios_1

 

The Takeios, unlike our solo retreats to our respective bedrooms, were hot, spicy and were so tasty they make you weak at the knees. Enjoy!

Now to recalibrate the time machine to go back to Shatner’s big bash …

 

George Takeios_2

 

George Takeios
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
1 onion, diced
1 red capsicum, diced
1 green capsicum, diced
1 tbsp olive oil
2 garlic cloves, sliced
A pinch of paprika
1½ tsp cumin
1 tablespoon chilli powder
500g minced beef
250ml beef stock
12 corn taco shells
Grated cheese and lettuce, to serve

Salsa
2 tomatoes, roughly chopped
Juice of ½ lime
1 shallot, finely sliced
1 tbsp coriander, roughly chopped

Guacamole
2 avocados
Juice of ½ lime
2 tbsp sour cream

Method
Preheat the oven to 180°C. Soften the onion and capsicum in the olive oil in a large pan over a low heat. Add the garlic, paprika and cumin and cook for 1–2 minutes. Add the beef and stir until it has browned. Pour in the stock, cover and cook for 45 minutes.

Mix the tomatoes with the lime juice, shallot and coriander, then season carefully to taste.

Mash the avocados with a fork, squeeze in the lime juice, add the sour cream, season and mix it all up.

Spread the taco shells out on a baking tray and place in the oven for 3–4 minutes until crisp.

Fill the shells with the meat, salsa, guacamole, cheese and lettuce or lay everything out and let everyone help themselves.

Nicolas Cajun Chicken Tenders

Oscar Gold

As far as Academy Award Winning dynasties go, the Coppola-Schwartzman-Cages are by far our favourite. We first integrated into the family after working as ghostwriters on the Nicolas Cage star vehicle (and grossly overlooked Best Adapted Screenplay contender) Valley Girl in the early eighties and have been considered members of the family ever since.

We also ghostwrote The Godfather trilogy, but that is another story for another time about another missed shot at Oscar Gold!

Nicolas dropped by unannounced, I assume as he sensed we would be celebrating the Oscars and he would want to help us find a way to move past our feud with the other great acting dynasty, the Shues.

As Nic, like us, is completely jane-o insane-o we decided it best to whip up something hot and spicy and see where the visit took us, so went with a batch of our Nicolas Cajun Chicken Tenders to discuss the Best Screenplay nominees.

 

Nicolas Cajun Chicken Tenders_1

 

The heat and spice hits you straight up, but is mellowed out by a garnish of yoghurt, lime and sweat-lodge spooning with Cage.

Enjoy…we sure did!

 

Nicolas Cajun Chicken Tenders_2

Nicholas Cajun Chicken Tenders
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp ground coriander
1 tsp sweet paprika
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp onion powder
1 tsp dried oregano
1 tsp dried thyme
½ tsp cayenne pepper
½ tsp ground black pepper
1 tbs vegetable oil (olive will do in a pinch)
1 tbs citrus juice (I prefer lime, but lemon would do)
2 chicken breasts
Lime wedges, sliced red chili and natural yoghurt, to serve

Method
Slice chicken breasts into long, 3cm strips to resemble a chicken tender.

Combine spices, herbs, oil and juice in a large enough bowl to marinate the chicken and place chicken in said bowl and coat. Cover with clingfilm and place in fridge for an hour or so to do the aforementioned marinating (Yes it is more of a spice rub, but whatever…I like to let my breasts stew).

Pre-heat oven to 180°C and remove chicken from fridge to come to room temperature for ten-fifteen minutes.

Spread chicken strips across a large lined baking tray and bake for roughly 20 minutes until golden and crisp.

Serve with lime wedges, chillies and yoghurt.

Or Lupita Nymang’o Salad.

Sean JalaPenn-o Poppers

Oscar Gold

To kick off Oscar Gold week, we thought it best to catch-up with two time winner and dear friend from our childhood trailer-park, Sean Penn.

After Jefferson-ing our way up and out of the park, we reconnected with Sean when we worked as Tom Cruise’s stilts on Risky Business and we’re inseparable for decades, with us playing a pivotal role in his charity work (slash community service, for us) in Haiti.

He is just the greatest and we would go as far as to call him our third favourite person that lives in a trailer. That is a huge deal.

Despite not having seen each other since we were thrown off the set of The Secret Life of Walter Mitty for stalking Kristen Wiig (we wanted her to be spokesmodel for our wig line), Sean was eager to drop by and park his motorhome in Annelie’s yard.

In honour of the feisty spirit of our friendship (and our mutual love of booze and booze related food), we decided to serve up a plate of Sean JalaPenn-o Poppers while we discussed this year’s winner odds (Best Actor may have an upset, according to our bookie).

Oh yeah, we also bonded over our love of blackmarket gambling.

 

Sean JalaPenn-o Poppers_1

 

The cream cheese counteracts the heat of the  jalapeños, while the garlic and paprika add a subtle depth. Plus, there is bacon and bacon in glorious. Enjoy!

 

Sean JalaPenn-o Poppers_2

 

Sean JalaPenn-o Poppers
Serves: 6…or 1? No judgement.

Ingredients
12 fresh jalapeños, cut across the top and deseeded
6 rashers streaky bacon, finely diced
250g cream cheese, softened to room temperature
1 clove garlic, crushed
½ tsp smoked paprika
1 cup flour
1 cup dry bread crumbs
1 egg, whisked
vegetable oil for frying, optional

Method
Fry bacon for 3-5 minutes or until lightly crisped. Leave to cool slightly.

In a medium bowl, mix cream cheese, garlic, paprika and cooled bacon.

One at a time, take a  jalapeño and spoon filling into the large end. Replace the tip and repeat until all of the  jalapeños are filled.

Refrigerate for 30 minutes.

In three separate bowls, place flour, breadcrumbs and egg. Take jalapeños and one at a time lightly score the skin before covering with flour, dipping them in the egg wash and coating them with the breadcrumbs. Repeat until complete and then refrigerate for a further 30 minutes.

You can either fry or bake the  jalapeños, I generally bake them as I am lazy / shouldn’t be trusted with hot oil. If baking, they take about fifteen minutes at 200°C. If frying, heat about an inch of oil in a large saucepan until it is hot. Then fry jalapeños one at a time until they are golden and crisp.

Candace Cameron Bure-ito Bowl

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I am thankful that Candace decided to be the bigger person and get in touch to end our eleven year feud. While we have many differing viewpoints now (and neither side will take blame for the ruining the Kids Choice Award venue), our Friday dates were our personal highlight of the 90s (before we got in with the BH Crew).

It started out pretty awkward, with us politely chatting about what we have been up to in the last decade; her recent stint on Dancing with the Stars, our return to the A-list simply through documenting our celebrity catch-ups. Thankfully by the end, we were friends again and are (spoiler alert) looking forward to working together on the Full House reboot.

In the effort of bringing us back together via food (which thankfully was a success), we thought something warm, spicy and casual (capturing the essence of our old catch-ups), was best. This obviously meant three big old serves of our famous Candace Cameron Bure-ito Bowl.

 

Candace Cameron Bure-ito Bowl_1

 

The original recipe we based this on was light on the spice and as our motto is “make food so hot it burns its way out and liquefies your organs” we upped the spice levels, so adjust according to your own tastes.

Then enjoy, obviously.

 

Candace Cameron Bure-ito Bowl_2

 

Candace Cameron Bure-ito Bowl
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g chicken mince
3 tbsp of olive oil
1 small onion, diced
1 cup of uncooked long grain rice
1 can diced tomatoes
1 can of black beans, drained and rinsed
½ green capsicum, diced
1 tsp of cumin
½ tsp of chilli powder
¼ tsp smoked paprika
¼ tsp ground coriander seeds
¼ tsp cayenne pepper
pinch ground cinnamon
½ tsp of garlic powder
2 ½ cups salt-reduced chicken stock
2 cups grated cheddar cheese
salt and pepper
freshly diced tomatoes
diced spring onions
sour cream
guacamole

Method
Sauté onions in 2 tablespoon of olive oil until they start to soften.

Add chicken to pan and cook over medium high heat until chicken has started to brown. Season with salt and pepper.

Move chicken to one side of pan, in the other side of the pan add an additional tablespoon of olive oil and sauté uncooked rice for about 2 minutes or just until some grains start to turn golden brown.

Stir in black beans, canned tomatoes, chicken stock, spices and capsicum and bring to a simmer.

Cover, reduce heat to low and cook about 20 minutes or until rice is tender.

Season with additional salt and pepper as needed.

Sprinkle with cheese, recover and let set for 2-3 minutes off heat to melt cheese. Serve with fresh tomatoes, green onions, sour cream and guacamole.

Lil’ San Choy Bow Wow

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Our decision to rank the importance of this year’s celebrity catch-ups was (another) stroke of genius! Bow Wow (he will never be Shad to us, his closest friends), as always, was charming, funny and a straight up pleasure to be around.

Fresh from hanging with my (unwitting) ex JVDB and Annelie’s frenemey, Academy-Award nominee (and spoiler alert, soon to be winner) Patricia Arquette on the set of CSI: Something-not-starring-Caruso, Lil’ was able to fill us in on all the haps of the awards season and tinseltown.

Sadly, he couldn’t confirm whether JVDB talks about me. I assume he does though?

We also got to work on project Bring down Lipdicki 2015 over a celebratory lettuce-cup of Lil’ San Choy Bow-Wow.

 

Lil San Choy Bow Wow 1

 

 The heat and spice were perfect for the horrific Queensland summer we are experiencing and were able to open our minds to a new, exciting avenue for revenge, faux-kindness.

On that note we’ll probably see Lipnicki soon. In the meantime, enjoy!

 

Lil San Choy Bow Wow 2

 

Lil’ San Choy Bow-Wow
Serves: 4, hunger dependant.

Ingredients
1 iceberg lettuce
1 medium carrot, peeled
4 tbsp vegetable oil
½ red onion, sliced
2 stalks celery, finely diced
Thumb(ish) sized piece of ginger, finely sliced
3 cloves garlic, finely sliced
10 fresh shiitake mushrooms, finely sliced
1 x 230g tin water chestnuts, chopped
500g pork mince
1 tbsp palm sugar (raw would do in a pinch)
2 tbsp soy
3 tbsp oyster sauce
1 tsp sesame oil
3 tbsp Shao Hsing rice wine (dry sherry works in a pinch)
6 spring onions, finely sliced on the angle
2 large red chillies, cut on the angle
1 bunch coriander, leaves picked
½ cup crushed peanuts
sriracha hot sauce or hoisin, to serve

Method
Trim the lettuce to create cups and soak the lettuce cups in cold water in the fridge to ensure the leaves are crisp. Grate the carrot and set aside.

Heat wok or pan over a high heat. Add the oil, onion, celery, ginger and garlic and cook for 20 seconds, then add the carrot and mushrooms, cooking for another 10 seconds.

Add the pork mince and fry, breaking it up with a wooden spoon, for approximately 2-3 minutes.

Add the sugar, soy, oyster sauce, sesame oil and rice wine and cook for another 30 seconds, before adding half the spring onions, half the chilli and half the coriander and give it all a good stir. Remove from heat.

Divide the pork mince mixture between the lettuce cups and garnish with the remaining spring onion, chilli, coriander and peanuts.

Devour.

Festive Cirie Fields Mushrooms

12 Days of Survivor Christmas, Side

It is a fact universally known that Cirie Fields is the greatest player to never win Survivor; in addition, she is also our personal saviour.

You see, before becoming a universal treasure on Exile Island, Micronesia and Heroes vs. Villains she worked as a nurse in one of the many rehab facilities Annelie and I frequented in the mid-nineties and can be credited as being the person to get us clean (not sober, baby steps).

We have always kept in contact with Cirie (and almost relapsed following the shock final 2 on Micronesia) and see her as a member of the family, so it is only fitting that she dropped by for a Christmas dinner complete with her signature Festive Cirie Fields Mushrooms.

 

Festive Cirie Fields Mushrooms

 

While it is a very simple dish, the garlic, chilli and parsley mingle together to create a side packed with flavour that is still festively appropriate and would go perfectly with any roast. (Or you could have the leftovers with some scrambled eggs for breakfast the next day).

Enjoy!

 

Festive Cirie Fields Mushrooms 1

 

Festive Cirie Field Mushrooms
Serves 4

Ingredients
4 large mushrooms (they don’t necessarily need to be from a field)
1 red chilli, finely diced
2 cloves garlic, crushed
1 tablespoon italian parsley, chopped
50g butter melted
salt and pepper, to season

Method
Pre-heat a griddle pan until very hot.

While heating, melt butter in a small saucepan. Remove from heat and mix in chilli, garlic parsley and salt and pepper.

When the griddle in hot reduce to medium heat, add mushrooms face down and cook for about three minutes. Flip mushrooms over and press down into pan to ensure even cooking. Fry for further three minutes. Flip again (I make sure the griddle lines form criss-crosses, but I am anal) and cook for a further three minutes or until they are how you like them.

Turn off heat and pour melted butter mixture over the top. Rest for a minute and serve.

Stephen Fried Chicken

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It is hard to maintain friendships with people that were a) deported to the other side of the planet and b) can be skittish at the best of times. That is unless you are Stephen Fry.

In our years of criminal exile back to our less glamourous lives in Australia, Stephie has always made sure he was checking in on us and making sure we knew that he is always there for us. It isn’t overstating it to say that Stephen Fry is a saint.

He is also a terrible liar.

He dropped by for lunch and gushed about how beautiful Brisbane was at this time of year. For such a great actor, I’m not sure why he struggles with lying? To celebrate the heat of summer and the wild storms we have been experiencing recently, we made our famous Stephen Fried Chicken to eat while we caught up.

 

Stephen Fried Chicken

 

The buttermilk marinade ensures that the chicken stays tender, while the polenta ensures that the crumb creates a fake skin that is crunchy and delicious. Oh, and the spice mix is like a dry version of Buffalo Chicken with the perfect balance of heat and sweet.

Serve with mash or fries or as a snack with blue cheese sauce or natural yoghurt…or better yet, with a generous helping of Benjamin Slaw.

Enjoy!

 

Stephen Fried Chicken

 

Stephen Fried Chicken
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
4 free range, skinless chicken breasts
vegetable oil for deep frying

Buttermilk Marinade
200ml buttermilk
10ml tabasco
15ml maple syrup
5g salt

Chicken Seasoning
15g smoked paprika
15g sweet paprika
10g celery seed
10g cayenne powder
10g table salt
5g ground cinnamon
5g ground white pepper
5g ground black pepper

Seasoned Flour
225g plain flour
25g polenta/corn meal
50g chicken seasoning

Method
Slice chicken in to large “tenders” as desired.

Combine all ingredients in buttermilk marinade and stir to dissolve salt. Pour over chicken. Gently massage to cover all surfaces of chicken.

Cover and leave in fridge for 12-24 hours…aka a decent enough time for the buttermilk to tenderise the meat.

Remove the chicken from the fridge and leave covered for 30 minutes.

Preheat oven to 160 degrees celsius and vegetable oil in a deep pot on the stove.

Combine flour, polenta and chicken seasoning in a large flat baking tray. Place the chicken pieces into flour. Coat well and cover all surfaces with the flour. Gently shake the excess flour off the chicken, careful not to lose the crust (this will become the healthier fake skin).

Carefully place the chicken in the oil a few pieces at a time, taking care not to splash the burning hot oil. Cook for 8-10 minutes, or until the “skin” has formed and is a deep golden brown. Remove from hot oil with a perforated spoon or ladle. Place onto a roasting rack in a baking dish and place into the pre heated oven.

Repeat the frying steps with the chicken until all cooked.

Remove the chicken from the oven and season liberally with the remaining chicken seasoning.

Eggs in PurgaTori Spelling

Breakfast

I’ve never been more heartbroken at an airport than I was last night. Embarrassed sure (who isn’t when they are arrested for drunk and disorderly behaviour after spotting a colonial woman on the wings?), but never heartbroken.

As soon as Torz locked eyes on us, she started to break down in tears and ran to us for the supportive hug that she knew would be waiting.

We stayed up most of the night talking through all that she has been going through (and wondering if her mother will ever give her, and us, a share in the wrapping room). It has been a tough time, but Tori is tough (she is the only one who could beat Shannen Doherty in an arm-wrestle) and we know she will be ok.

When she woke up this morning to a warm bowl of Eggs in Purgatori Spelling, she was in hysterics due to the symbolic nature of our meal and knowing that she had her humour back, Annelie and I were able to breathe sighs of relief.

 

Eggs in Purgatori Spelling 1

 

The fiery heat of the tomato base and the spice of the chorizo gave Torz the energy and motivation to pick herself back-up and once again become the strong, powerful, feminist icon that the world knows (the Donna Martin graduates storyline was an allegory for equal pay and women’s rights, included at Tori’s behest).

Tori has her spark back and the delicious eggs were a bonus. Enjoy!

 

Eggs in Purgatori Spelling 2

 

Eggs in Purgatori Spelling
Serves 1

Ingredients
400g can diced tomatoes
1 chorizo, sliced into fat coins
2 shallots, thinly sliced
2 cloves garlic, crushed
1 teaspoon dried chilli flakes (or more if you prefer)
2 eggs
olive oil
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Place a lug of oil in a pan (that has a lid) over medium heat, and fry chorizo, shallots and garlic until shallots and garlic are tender. Add chilli flakes and diced tomatoes and bring to the boil.

Reduce heat to simmer and crack eggs into the tomato liquid, place lid on and simmer until eggs are poached to your liking.

Serve with lots of buttery, sourdough toast.

Pizsa Zsa Gabor

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Some things never change; Zsas is a spitfire with a heart of gold and we love her for all that she has done in keeping our lives together.

After her driver dropped her off at 5PM for our dinner (this is due to the elderly needing to eat early, and by that I mean Annelie and I need to eat early) she immediately launched into her concerns that I was living in an unsafe neighbourhood (“Grifters and vagrants everywhere, Darling”) and my kitchen was barely that (“This box is a kitchen? Darling, we will call it the Deluded Kitchen until you upgrade”).

Being that Zsa Zsa was like a surrogate mother to us throughout the years, we felt the need to make something homely and loving, so went with a Pizsa Zsa Gabor.

 

pizsa-zsa-gabor-1

 

The dough had nothing it needed to prove (classic), being as warm and soft as one of Zsas’ hugs. In turn, the pizza was as spicy as her love life, brought out her exotic edge … and highlighted her hot temper.

She loved it, we love her. Enjoy!

 

pizsa-zsa-gabor-2

 

Pizsa Zsa Gabor
Ingredients
Pizza Dough
2 cups warm water
1 ½ tsp dried yeast
½ tsp caster sugar
785g plain flour
1 tbs salt
3 tbs grated parmesan
3 tbs finely chopped herbs (I use oregano, rosemary and sage)

Topping and assembly
½ butternut pumpkin, diced
cinnamon
200g feta, diced
chilli flakes
small bunch of sage
tomato sauce or paste
herbs
cheese to top

Method
Place yeast, sugar and water in a bowl and stir to dissolve. Stand for 5 minutes, or until mixture starts to foam. Sift flour and salt into a bowl, add the yeast mixture, parmesan and herbs and stir until dough starts to come together.

Knead dough on a lightly floured surface for 8 minutes or until smooth and elastic (you could use an electric mixer, but we learnt that kneading was therapeutic in anger management). Move to a large, oiled bowl and cover with cling-wrap; set aside in a warm place to prove for 3 hours or until doubled in size.

Knock back the dough and divide into 6 balls. Place on a large tray and cover with a damp cloth (tea towels work great) for a further 2 hours. If you don’t want to make 6 pizzas (don’t know why you wouldn’t but in case), you can wrap the remaining dough balls in cling-wrap before proving and freeze for 2 months. You can then defrost and prove as usual.

When you’re almost ready to start, pre-heat oven to 180C.

Spread diced pumpkin on a small tray and coat with a dash of oil and some cinnamon (I am pretty heavy handed, but this is discretionary). Bake for 20 minutes, or until golden.

While the pumpkin is cooling slightly, flatten the dough out to fit the pizza tray (or whatever you are cooking it on). Full disclosure, I am terrible at flattening out the dough. I would suggest searching YouTube for instructions. It didn’t help me, but I assume it didn’t hurt either.

Cover with a tomato sauce (I just used tomato paste and the remaining herbs), sprinkle with chilli flakes (again, quantity is discretionary) and spread sage leaves, pumpkin and feta over the top.

Bake, serve and then eat.

Luke Perry Peri Chicken

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Ben would have you believe that Luke has still got it.

Thankfully Luke didn’t need to use the shower and is still on my side in the Shannen Doherty feud, otherwise the awkwardness would have continued for another decade.

Luke pulled into the driveway last night as the sun started to set, with Ben watching from my front window (“To make sure he doesn’t get lost”), still full of his Dylan McKay swagger.

He casually joined us in the kitchen (or as casually as you can when Ben pretends there are no more stools and demands to sit in Luke’s lap), as we put the finishing touches on the Luke Perry Peri Chicken and chatted about our time in Beverly Hills and Torz and Jen’s conveniently timed, ill-fated return to the spotlight (trying to piggyback on us, obviously).

 

IMG_3121

 

I don’t know when exactly it happened, but by the time dinner was ready there were conveniently only two chairs, so again, Ben offered to sit on Luke’s lap (honestly I don’t know how I got a photo of him without Ben). Luckily for Luke, all the spice and heat was in the chicken (he needs something hot and ambiguously exotic, Ben demanded) as he was able to delicately turn down Ben’s advances without the help of a restraining order.

For a more intense flavour, the chicken can be marinated for up to two hours prior to roasting. While we just had the Chicken with some salad, it would go beautifully with some crispy potatoes, green beans or even some Sean Black Bean Salad.

Enjoy! Ben sure did.

 

IMG_3148

 
Luke Perry Peri Chicken
Ingredients
1 whole (1.5-2kg) chicken, spatchcocked
6 small bird’s-eye chillies (seeds in for additional heat, if you wish)
½  teaspoon chipotle chilli powder
4 cloves garlic
zest and juice of 1 lime
2 tablespoons paprika
2 tablespoons oregano
¼ cup olive oil
¼ cup champagne vinegar
salt and pepper

Method
Preheat oven to 220. Combine chillies, garlic, lime juice and zest, paprika, oregano, olive oil, vinegar, salt and pepper in a blender or food processor. Process to a thick paste.

Brush chicken with mixture and roast for 45 minutes, or until chicken is cooked through.