Soup

Joe Del Campho

Main, Soup, Survivor: Kaôh Rōng

Yeah, yeah – previously on Survivor, Jason couldn’t pull off the impossible and was sent to Ponderosa despite everyone in the alliance trying to turn on each other. But this episode, seriously? Again! Another freaking medevac!?

Poor little Joey, Joe-Joe aka Rudy 2.0 found himself experiencing some severe #GastrointestinalDistress and was swiftly pulled from the game in fifth place. Confirming to Tai that, despite his fears, he goes home with his idol in his pocket.

Game, set, match editors – well played!

Anyway, let’s rewind. We got back to camp and again Joe spoke, before Michelle and Tai butted heads over Tai’s late-game villain turn after he once again flipped on his alliance for the third time.

We then headed straight to reward where Joe shocked everyone and won the reward, proving that slow and steady wins the race, and ended his anti-Anglim streak in the process.

Damn straight he #GetsItDoneAt71!

I first connected with Joe about four decades ago when we worked for the FBI together. Joe is an absolute gentleman and acted like a mentor to me, despite my questionable relationship with the law.

We stayed close throughout the years – despite my many scandals, arrests and stints in rehab – and Joe has remained a constant in my life and has always tried to help me be the best version of me. Could you imagine how bad I would have been without him?

Anyway, poor little Joe overindulged in the delicious meat at his Hef reward, despite not being a big meat guy, and sadly that was his downfall.

We heard all about Cydney upping her game (by downplaying the fact that she could literally crush everyone left in the game), Joe, Cyd and Aubry formed a final three alliance, Tai and Michelle joined forces, Aubry and Tai reconnected while Michelle and Cydney solidified their bond … all for nothing after Joe was done in, I assume, by an extreme case of meat sweats!

Having zero respect for the fact that he was just medically evacuated for stomach issues – and the fact that he is 71, to boot – I decided to go with a (potentially) digestively aggressive Joe Del Campho to welcome him to post-hospital Ponderosa.

 

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In my defense, pho was Joe and my go to meal after cracking a case / defeating the bad-guys / whatever it is we did in the FBI back in the day (I was way too high to remember those days) – it was to us, what shawarma is to the avengers, you know?

So yeah, onion, par cooked-meat and chilli isn’t a good thing on paper – but it was the ultimate comfort food for my dear old friend. Despite that, the fresh flavours, delicately cooked meat and the kick of heat and lime work together to bring you a pho that dances in your mouth.

Plus, ginger is good for you … so there is that, right? Enjoy!

 

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Joe Del Campho
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
5 cups beef stock
3cm piece ginger, finely grated
2 star anise
1 tsp fennel seeds
cinnamon quill
1 tbsp fish sauce
2 tsp soy sauce
dried pho noodles, softened in boiling water for a couple of minutes
250g beef sirloin, finely sliced across the grain
1 onion, finely sliced
4 shallots, green part only, finely sliced
⅓ cup chopped coriander
black pepper
lime wedges, to serve
sliced chillies, to serve
Thai basil leaves, to serve
bean sprouts, to serve
sriracha sauce

Method
Place stock, ginger, spices, fish sauce, soy sauce and 2 cups of cold water in a large saucepan over high heat. Cover, bring to the boil and then reduce the heat to low and simmer uncovered for 5 minutes.

Place a handful of pho noodles in a large bowl and cover with boiling water. Allow to rest until cooked through or about fifteen minutes, drain and leave to rest.

Thinly slice the steak – it helps if you freeze it for about 20 minutes before.

Remove the spices from the stock mixture with a slotted spoon.

To serve, place pho noodles in the bottom of a bowl, layer the raw steak and onion over the top and cover generously with the piping hot stock. Season generously and sprinkle on some coriander.

To eat, season to taste with lime juice and chilli and add in some basil and sprouts. As I like heat and disregard Joe’s health, I topped it up generously with some sriracha.

The heat may have got things moving?

 

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Jason Priestleek and Potato Soup

Donna Martin graduates, Main, Soup

Sadly my #1 West Bev lover, Luke is busy with the Riverdale pilot for my favourite network – and no I’m not joking – The CW, so I had to settle for my #2 (don’t ever tell him he is second), Jason Priestley.

Yes Jace is a total babe, with that glorious coif and chiseled jaw of a man beyond the teenage years he was depicting (next to Andrea … and Luke, everyone looked young so it didn’t matter), but he was also the good guy and I spent more time lusting for a bad boy like Luke.

That being said I flip-flopped, in all the ways, between the two and ended up inspiring Aaron to have Kelly torn between the two men. It was a meaty role for me off screen and her onscreen, and I’m just so glad that I was able to play such an integral part in shaping the wonder that is Kelly Taylor.

Jace and I first connected in the late 80s when he had a small guest stint on 21 Jump Street. I was working for Johnny Depp tutoring him on his favourite topic, immigration and customs law, but lost interest when he objected to my teaching methods (which went on to inspire Ms Vaughn in Billy Madison). Thankfully Jace was there to take me mind off the tragedy and I endeavoured, as I do, to make him a big, big fucking star!

The time I spent on the set of 90210 was the happiest of my life, between the affairs and the feuding, it was as dramatic as I’d imagined life on the A-list. Despite this, I was always drawn to Jace’s cool, calm demeanour – maybe his race car driving career was enough of a bad boy edge for my heart, I don’t know?

It was such a thrill to see Jace again! It has been a few year since we last caught up, with him busy working behind the camera and me, well, building this little media empire. Knowing that I was struggling with Annelie’s continued amnesia, J was more than happy to drop by and hopefully trigger her memories. It didn’t work … but thankfully I had a nice warm bowl of my Jason Priestleek and Potato Soup.

 

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Like Jace, soup is the perfect dish to have around when you’re down and feeling blue. Or craving blue cheese. Leek and potato is a dish that proves that simplicity in the kitchen, is a good thing.

It is even better with some crumbled blue cheese and crisp bacon. Simple … with a punch, right?

Enjoy!

 

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Jason Priestleek and Potato Soup
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
olive oil
1 large onion, roughly chopped
1 garlic clove, crushed
700g desiree potatoes, roughly chopped into mid-size carcubes
2 leeks, washed, dried and thinly sliced
5 cups chicken or vegetable stock
4 rashers streaky bacon, finely diced
½ cup double cream
100g blue cheese, plus extra to garnish
salt and pepper

Method
Heat a good lug of oil in a large saucepan over medium-high heat and sweat the onion and garlic for a couple of minutes. Add the potato and leek, and cook for a further five minutes or until the leek starts to soften and the potatoes start to caramelise.

Slowly pour in the stock and bring to the boil. When bubbling like Jace and my sexual tension, reduce the heat to medium and simmer, uncovered, for fifteen minutes. Remove from the heat and allow it to rest for 10 minutes to cool.

While resting, heat up a small frying pan and cook the bacon until crisp. Remove from the pan to drain on some paper towel.

While the bacon is resting, go back to the soup like Dylan returning to Brenda and blitz with a stick blender until smooth and beautiful. Pour in the cream, crumble in the blue cheese and return to a low heat, stirring to combine / heat. Season with a good whack of salt and pepper.

Ladle the soup into bowls, crumble over bacon and some excess blue cheese and drizzle some cream. Mainly for aesthetics.

 

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Kyle Jasonion Soup

Main, Soup, Survivor: Kaôh Rōng

Previously on Survivor, everything was going fantaistically for Mark’s best friend and Aubry and Cydney rejoiced over wine (who wouldn’t), before Sargsonlye survived another tribal council as they sent my dear, sweet protege Julia to Ponderosa.

After tribal, Michelle and Sargsonyle were feeling on the outs and a miracle occurred – Rudy 2.0 finally had a speaking role.

And what an absolute dream it was!

Sargsonyle – who we learnt at tribal (not to get ahead of myself) went by Jason, despite his name being Kyle and his nickname being Sarg – was very upset that nobody was playing the game (stealing Ciera’s script from last season) to which Rudy 2.0 / old Joe explained that not playing the way he wanted, didn’t mean that people weren’t playing.

Yas, queen!

After dropping truth bombs we went to a reward challenge – it involved trios playing with balls until they slipped into holes, so you know Probst was thrilled – where Joe, despite being mega chatty, continued his hallowed anti-Anglim spree.

While J, Tai and Mich were away on reward, Joe continued to dominate the screen time, getting the girls in on the wood collecting action like an older version of Butch from The Amazon. Pissing off Cydney in the process.

Then Tai wanted Michelle out, and Michelle decided it was time to finally cut Jason while Jason also wanted Joe gone and Cydney decided that Tai should be voted out for dictating a potential Michelle boot.

By the time we made it to Tribal with immunity around Cydney’s neck, it was anyone’s game. Despite Tai using his extra vote against Michelle, it was poor, tough, aggressive Jason that made his way to jury.

I first connected with Jason when we worked together a few years back in Michigan. He was one of the best bounty hunters in southeast Michigan, I was the best (encouraging the character of Horse Renoir in the process). As crushing as that was for him, he never held it against me and looked to me for guidance.

We lost contact after I committed a whole bunch of fraud and ended up as one of his bounties, so it was quite awkward to see him in Ponderosa. Thankfully I had my Kyle Jasonion Soup to use as a distraction (slash weapon, if needed – soup be hot ya’ll).

 

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My earliest experience with french onion soup was not a pleasant one. Remember that 90s dip your mum used to make with the powder soup mix and sour cream? No, just me. It was delicious, Kraft Onion and Bacon Dip delicious and that is terrifying, embarrassing and fills me with culinary shame. Yes I would still eat both of them with a spoon, but I shouldn’t love something like them.

Pretty much what 90% of Hollywood says about me, I guess.

Once you’ve had legit onion soup however, you will both forget about the powder dip and your shame. The sweet caramelised onions mixed with the freshness of the sage and sharp bubbling cheese truly warms your soul. And considering it is soup, it also heats you up.

Perfect for the Kaoh Rong heat – enjoy!

 

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Kyle Jasonion Soup
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
30g butter
olive oil
4 red onions, peeled and chopped
4 large white onions, peeled and chopped
3 shallots, peeled and sliced
200g leeks, trimmed, washed and roughly chopped
20 fresh sage leaves, roughly chopped, reserving a couple to garnish
6 cloves garlic, peeled and crushed
2 litres vegetable stock
½ loaf of stale(ish) sourdough, thickly sliced
Handful of grated vintage cheddar cheese
Worcestershire sauce, for seasoning

Method
Heat the butter and oil over medium heat in a large pan. Add the onions, shallots, leeks, sage and leek aka everything solid, season well and give a good stir to combine. Reduce the heat to low, cover leaving the lid slightly ajar and sweat, stirring occasionally, until soft and sweet – about an hour.

Preheat the oven to 180°C.

When the onion menagerie are slimy, sweet and sexy, remove the lid, add the stock, increase the heat and bring to the boil. When boiling like Tribal Council tension, reduce the heat and simmer for about 20 minutes.

Yes, this takes a while to cook but don’t rush it. I mean, 32 days is longer so don’t even complain to Jace!

While simmering, toast the bread, top it with a generous layer of cheddar and a reserved sage leave, and bake in the oven for about 10 minutes.

When your onions and leeks are lovely and silky, add the stock. Bring to the boil, turn the heat down and simmer for 10 to 15 minutes. You can skim any fat off the surface if you like, but I prefer to leave it because it adds good flavour.

When everything is hot and ready – like me in Skarsy boudoir – ladle the soup into bowls and top with the cheese toasts and a drizzle of worcestershire.

Devour … avoiding burning your throat in the process. Being soup, that is definitely a challenge.

 

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Spicy, Sweet & Souri Cruise Soup

Main, Soup

What a difference two weeks make! I mean, we had envisioned The E.J.A.C.U.L.A.T.E. Book Club as a time for us to get together with our friend Eric Jonrosh and tear shreds of our mutual friends’ talent or lack thereof.

Suri Cruise being the talented and ferocious tween that she is got in touch when she heard we would be discussing her first book Suri’s Burn Book (originally a blog, imagine that) she decided to get in touch and, knowing our catty behaviour, get in front of the situation. Therefore, our book club will now, forever more, involve our celebrity-author friends.

Eric chose Suri’s Burn Book for its strong sense of prose and the questions it asked about society; why do we act like children when we don’t own a Ferragamo, why did the Kardashians exist before the arrival of Caitlyn Jenner and why oh why do the Garnerflecks insist upon acting poor?

Suri’s writing blisters of the page as she highlights the inherent flaws with the current crop of second generation (plus) Hollywood. Give us the Lizas, the Drews and the Carries; these women knew what privilege could get you and, where required, derailed early enough to enjoy successful careers.

I mean, you just always knew Suri was behind Katie’s emancipation (and getting rid of her half smile), didn’t you?

Suri balances her acid tongue with surprising stints of sweet empathy (free the Kardashian-Disicks, am I right?) and the kind of scathing words that burn to your core – as such, the only appropriate thing to eat during the discussion/analysis was our Spicy, Sweet & Souri Cruise Soup.

 

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Like Cruise’s work, the whack of chilli punches you in the gut like one of her barbs, the sweetness of the honey is like her public persona and the tang of the sake is representative of the tartness you feel in your soul from the existential questions Cruise’s work raises.

Five Jonrosh Goblets out of Five, for the book and the soup.

Enjoy!

For those playing at home, what did you think of Suri’s work?

 

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Spicy, Sweet & Souri Cruise Soup
Serves: 3-4.

Ingredients
3 cloves of garlic
2 red chillies
thumb-sized piece of ginger
200g shitake mushrooms, sliced
225g sliced bamboo shoots, drained
vegetable oil
3 tbsp gluten free soy sauce
¼ cup cooking sake
1 teaspoon honey
1 ½ litres vegetable stock
250g firm tofu
4 spring onions
½ bunch of chives
1 large egg
sea salt
freshly ground white pepper
sriracha

Method
Heat stock in a large saucepan before you get to work preparing everything else.

Peel the garlic, crush and finely slice, finely slice the chillies, peel and finely grate the ginger; combine all three in a bowl.

Drain the bamboo shoots and finely slice the mushrooms.

Heat a generous amount of oil in a large saucepan, over high heat; add the mushrooms, garlic, chillies, ginger and bamboo shoots and fry until softened and lightly golden.

Add the soy, sake and honey to the pan with a generous pinch of salt and pepper, stirring and cooking for a further minute. Add the stock and bring to a gentle boil, before reducing the heat and simmering for about ten minutes.

Use this time to dice the tofu into 1cm cubes, finely slice the shallots and chives, and quickly whisk the egg in a large mug.

Add the tofu, chives and shallots to the pan, stir and remove from the heat. Give the saucepan a stir and while stirring, pour in the egg to finely cook it into thin ribbons.

Add sriracha to taste and season with more soy, sake, salt and pepper until you balance the flavours to your taste.

Devour and clear out your sinuses.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.