The Help

Viola Halvis

Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold XC: The Goldfather

Once again, I’ve reached the end of my Oscar Gold celebrations and no tea no shade to Diablo, Henry, Kathryn, Brad or Mahershala, I’ve well and truly saved the best to last – current reigning Best Supporting Actress, Viola Davis.

And that is not just because we’ve been the best of friends for 17 years. She is the only Black Actor to win the Triple Crown of Acting, and that makes her long overdue for some coverage on this ‘ere patch of cyberspace.

I first met Viola on the set of Kate & Leopold when dropping by to visit Megs (Megs, Megs) and Liev, and while she only had a bit part I knew she was destined for greatness. As such, I sidled up to her at the craft services table and promptly hitched my wagon to her, to achieve greatness by association.

While I also wasn’t able to convince her to bring me along as a date, she did have a surprise up her sleeve … she convinced one of our mutual friends to take me (let’s call her Beryl Strap)!

Anyway, I could talk about her being the only good thing about Fences, slaying in How to Get Away with Murder and realistically should have a couple of Oscars under her belt by now, that isn’t what you came for. You came to hear our opinions on who will snag the female acting gongs.

While we both agree that my dear friend Allison Janney will succeed her as Best Supporting Actress for I, Tonya, I desperately wish for a tie between her and fellow TV star Laurie Metcalf who was beautiful in Lady Bird. What is becoming a tradition in this year’s acting categories, we both feel Frances McDormand is a sure thing for Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, I feel like fellow Gold Coaster Margot Robbie gave the better performance in  I, Tonya and am desperately hoping for an upset.

Like my date with Mahersh, I started to feel down thinking about Margot likely not snagging a win for Karl and Susan. That led to the requirement for something sickly sweet and totally delightful, like my Viola Halvis.

 

 

While there are so many forms of halva, this is obviously the best. Rich and nutty, delicate and floral, all wrapped up in a sickly sweet package, it is the perfect way to honour the ninetieth Oscars and Faye and Warren’s inevitable mis-crowning.

To The Goldfather, enjoy!

 

 

Viola Halvis
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
250g walnuts
250g blanched almonds
¼ cup sesame seeds
500g pitted dates
1 tbsp rosewater
icing sugar, to dust

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Combine the nuts and sesame seeds on a large baking sheet and bake for ten minutes or so, or until toasted and fragrant. Remove and allow to cool.

Place the cooled nuts in a food processor with the dates and rosewater and blitz for about five minutes, or until completely combined.

Pour the mixture into a lined small baking sheet and transfer to the freezer to set for an hour or so. Then remove and cut into squares, dust with icing sugar and devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Allibacon Janndeluxe

Burgers, Fame Hungry's American Teen Princess Pageant

With our Drop Dead Gorgeous celebrations over, I knew I needed to pull out the big guns as we move into the Fourth of July. And there truly is no big gun, of acting, than seven-time Emmy winner and five-time SAG Award winner – and most importantly, one of my closest friends – Allison Janney.

Speaking of Al, I have a major confession to make that even she doesn’t know – I’ve never seen The West Wing aka the show that won her first four Emmys. While it is super awkward for me to pretend like I’ve seen it all the damn time, I do it for her because I love her … and I will eventually get to it, you know?

I first met Ali while attending Kenyon College together, where we studied under the tutelage of Paul Newman who encouraged us both to continue with the craft. While I left her around the late 80s/early 90s to work on Bev Hills 90210, she caught my eye again in Miracle on 34th Street and I made it my job to get her an EGOT.

While the Oscar eluded her for her performance in Ang’s The Ice Storm, I assumed DDG would finally snatch her the gold for her hilarious performance as Loretta. It was not have panned out, but I did introduce her to Sorki and get her those Es, so it worked out.

We haven’t been able to hang out in a while thanks to her busy schedule with Mom, so it was perfect that our celebrations coincided with the Summer break. She is such a doll and we had the best time – that’s not even including the fact she asked me to play her long lost son / Anna Faris’ brother on the show – reconnecting. Particularly since I made her favourite burgs – my Allibacon Janndeluxe.

 

 

Does the name flow off the tongue? Fuck no. Does it even resemble a pun? Of course not … but this burger is legit. Based on one of two reasons to venture to Hungry Jack’s, the Bacon Deluxe – the other being the onion rings – is quite possibly the best Australian fast-food burger. Crispy bacon, creamy mayo, melting cheese and a kick of onion? Perfection.

Now I guess you’re only got one reason to head to Hungry Jack’s … soz guys! Enjoy!

 

 

Allibacon Janndeluxe
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
salt and pepper, to taste
8 rashers bacon
4 Kirsten Bunst
8 slices American cheese
iceberg lettuce, roughly chopped
2 tomatoes, sliced
mayonnaise

Method
Squeeze out as much liquid from the mince as possible and transfer to a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper. Scrunch it all together and divide into 8 balls, shaping each into patties.

Heat a large skillet over high heat, reducing to low when scorching. Fry each patty for about 10 minutes, flipping once. At the same time, cook the bacon until crisp.

To assemble the burgers, split the buns and place a patty on the bottom. Top with a slice of cheese, a second patty and the remaining cheese. Add the bacon, tomato, lettuce and a dickload of mayo. Then, devour … if you can wait that long.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Empanada Stone

Main, Party Food, Snack

You know what is odd about our friendship with Emma Stone? We didn’t meet her in any kind of institution or other involuntary lock-up that normally leads to such beautiful friendships. Look, Ben did get locked up briefly after befriending two delightful old ducks from Washington and proceeding to get raucously drunk and heckle Emma during a performance of Cabaret – but Ben’s unceremonious turfing out wasn’t Emma’s fault. Despite taking out a restraining order against us, she clearly loved the fuss.

So how did we meet? Emma she had just finished filming Easy A and found that we had a mutual nemesis – the eternally smug-faced Penn Badgley. Penn attempted to steal Ben’s identity when he was majorly internet famous during the Great Moustache Cultivation of 2013. Let’s be honest, you don’t really need a reason to hate Penn Badgley, so having one was a bonus.

While our antics may have gotten Penn sectioned, Ben and I stayed out of involuntary confinement for a change – all in all a great success.

 

emma1

 

Despite the Cabaret incident, Emma has fond memories of the days of sabotaging Penn. As she now has a vendetta against whoever cast her in Aloha, she wanted to come over for lunch and discuss a glorious new revenge plot. We needed a recipe that would work like our fool-proof schemes – soft and buttery and inviting on the outside, with a fiery inferno waiting within. It had to be Empanada Stones.

Also guys, as we are so social and so technologically advanced we have gone nuts on the social medias. You should follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Friendster, FriendFace, Myspace and YouFace coming soon.

 

emma 2

 

Empanada Stone
Serves: 16 empanadas

Ingredients
Dough
2.5 cups plain flour
150g butter, cold
1 teaspoon salt
1 large egg
1 tablespoon white vinegar
iced water, to bind

Filling
500g minced beef
2 eggs, hard boiled and cooled
100g chopped mixed olives
1 brown onion, finely diced
2 cloves garlic, crushed2 tablespoons tomato paste
1  cup beef stock
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon cumin
1 tablespoon dried oregano

Egg, additional for washing pastry

Method
Dough
Rub butter into sifted flour. Stir through egg and vinegar, and then add iced water until pastry binds. Knead gently until a disc is formed. Wrap in clingfilm and refrigerate for 30 mins.

Filling
Brown mince and soften onion in a large stove-top casserole dish. Add garlic, tomato paste and spices and cook until aromatic. Add stock and simmer for 30 minutes or until thick.

Stir through olives and chopped egg and allow mixture to cool to room temperature.

Assembly
Heat oven to 180 degrees C. Grease and line a large baking tray.

Roll out pastry to approximately 0.5cm thick and cut rounds of desired size. Fill with 2-3 tablespoons of mixture and press to seal, pressing with a fork along the sealed edge.Brush each empanada lightly with egg wash.

Bake 20-25 mins or until golden and crisp.