Actor

Christopher Porken Meatballs

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While it feels odd to celebrate anything relating to the Williams’ in this their time of scandal, seeing Chris and celebrating his ironic (thankfully he could confirm it) turn as Captain Hook in the extremely long-winded and completely horrible Peter Pan Live! was something we needed to do.

Yes the show was completely terrible, but we love Chris and are obviously highly supportive of his performance and his tap dancing.

We first met Chris on the set of Annie Hall where our friend Carol Kane got us a job as Diane Keaton’s vocal coach. Chris was just on the precipice of greatness with his turn in The Deer Hunter and made the time to mingle with all of his colleagues, even the entourage members / sham vocal coaches.

Thanks to the warmth and effervescent spark of Chris, we were platonically swept off our feet touring the Oscars red-carpets, hosting Hollywood soirees and sailing the SoCal coast and islands with our close friends.

As you would know, our group was struck down by tragedy when dear Natalie Wood passed away. Christopher was deeply upset and while Annelie and I tried to help him we turned to drugs while working through our own grief.

After a stint in rehab, we received a call from our friend Grace who asked for our help persuading Chris to appear in A View to a Kill. Working together on the film, we were able to work through our pain and restore our friendship, and have enjoyed a close, collaborative friendship ever since.

(Obviously the SEX book is our favourite collaboration).

Chris is still the warmest, mostly lively man we have ever met and his plot for a prequel to his Bond movie is just the sort of project we need to get back in Grace’s good, well, graces. Thankfully we threw together a quick batch of our Christopher Porken Meatballs and were able to really get the creative juices flowing.

 

Christopher Porken Meatballs_1

 

In my fat kid’s version of favourite things, meatballs are high on the list and these are the perfect example of why; spicy, fresh and versatile. You can literally chuck them with anything and you’re good to go.

Maybe don’t serve with cake? Although if it works, let us know.

Enjoy!

 

Christopher Porken Meatballs_2

 

Christopher Porken Meatballs
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g pork mince
2 tsp salt
3 pickled hot cherry peppers, finely chopped
2 slices toasted white bread, blitzed to a ghetto breadcrumb
1 small onion, very finely diced
1 large egg
1 tbsp apple cider vinegar
1 tbsp hot sauce
small handful flat leaf parsley, finely diced
good pinch of ground pepper

Method
Preheat the oven to 220°C.

Combine all of the ingredients in a large bowl and mix together. Form golf-ball sized meatballs, rolling between your hands until smooth and place onto a lined baking sheet.

Once all the balls are rolled, place tray in the oven and bake for 15-20 minutes or until cooked through.

Serve however you want, with pasta and a herby tomato sauce, on mini rolls as sliders, with mash and mushroom sauce or as we’ve done, with parmesan sauce and a salad.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Goodnight … moon

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

To the general public, Christopher Walken is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma but to his dear friends he is loving, warm and so darn positive and joyous.

We last saw Chris in November, when we dropped by the set to support him during his turn in Peter Pan Live! After it took Allison Williams six hours just to get the kids out of the bedroom and over to Neverland, we opted to leave before he even appeared on screen.

While he was disappointed to not have his closest friends there until the end, he knew that our make-up date would be worth it. Plus, he completely understood us wanting to avoid Brian Williams with his half-truths and made up stories.

I mean, the gall of some people!

Chris said he would be in town this week and wanted to have our make-up celebration. What says sorry you had to suffer through that show with the worst one from Girls … while also honouring our forty-year friendship?

Picture source: Unknown.

Bacon and Cheese Erik Estrata

Breakfast

Erik is an absolute sweetheart and it is terrifying how much we value that in him, considering most of our closest friendships are built on a basis of lying, stealing and intimidation.

In Hollywood, it is eat or be eaten and Erik is too good for that.

We “first” met Erik after time-traveling on to the set of CHiPs after hearing about his glorious buns while working on The Nanny in the 90s. We were quickly hired as advisors on the show with our extensive knowledge of high-speed chases (from our time trying to evade arrests), after pitching a plot line involving the entire OJ arrest car-chase.

Time-travel can be really helpful when you want before their time ideas.

We haven’t seen much of Erik since he joined the police force (we didn’t want to put him in an awkward position if we fell into crime again), but got together to brainstorm the best possible way to reboot CHiPs on Netflix. Obviously it will involve me playing his son and deputy, and Annelie our sassy and aggressive Captain.

Needless to say, we had a fully realised outline by the time we finished our Bacon and Cheese Erik Estrata.

 

Bacon and Cheese Erik Estrata_1

 

The saltiness of the bacon cuts through the richness of the cheese leaving you with a strata that is light, eggy and warm. So pretty much like a hug from Erik, but with eggs.

Enjoy!

 

Bacon and Cheese Erik Estrata_2

 

Bacon and Cheese Erik Estrata
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
1 (heading towards stale) baguette, cut into 1-2cm slices
150g mozzarella, grated
60g parmesan, grated
100g cheddar, grated
100ml sour cream
6 free-range eggs
6 rashers bacon, diced
6 shallots, roughly sliced
handful cherry tomatoes, diced

Method
Place the cheeses, sour cream and eggs in a food processor and blend until smooth. If you don’t have a food processor, a large bowl and a stick blender will work ace. Remove the bowl from processor and add the chopped bacon, shallots and tomatoes. Lightly mix with a spoon.

Arrange the baguette slices in a layer or two in a square dish (26cm).

Pour the bacon, cheese and egg mixture over the bread in the dish, cover with cling film, and leave in the fridge to soak overnight.

The next morning, get out of bed, remove the strata from the fridge to rest while you preheat the oven to 180°C. While the oven is preheating you can say some affirmations, read the news or dance like this.

When the oven has come to temperature, place the strata in and bake for 30 minutes, or until cooked through.

Remove from the oven and devour, watching the melted cheese doesn’t burn your face.

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

One hot CHiP(s)

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

We’ve really got to hand it to Fran Drescher, she may have reunited us with the (once) dastardly Charles Shaucuntessy, she also brought us together with a number of our closest friends.

We first met Erik Estrada when he was filming a guest stint in the second season of The Nanny. Grace had numerous stunts in the episode, so we spent a large amount of time on set with Henny-Penny (he allows his close friends to call him by his real name Henry or romantic variations thereof) where we heard how tight his clothes were in CHiPs.

Obviously wanting to ogle those buns at their highest point, literally and figuratively, we jumped straight in the time-machine and went back to befriend him in his heyday (and caused his first divorce).

And what a day it was …

What says thanks for the memories, our beautiful friendship and can we have your son’s number?

Picture source: Unknown.

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

 

Al CapPacino Cake

Cake, Dessert, Sweets

It has been way too long between drinks, of coffee, with our dear friend Al!

Our catch-ups have been few and far between in the post-Vittoria years, with us avoiding him out of guilt and he avoiding us until he had moved past the deep, deep shame.

Thankfully he realised the commercials were far less shameful than starring in Gigli or Jack and Jill, and our friendship is returning to normal. It didn’t help that we have remained vigilant in trashing Bevs D’Ang in the tabloids to help ensure custody issues remain resolved.

Al was in town wanting to talk smack about Chris O’Donnell and help sabotage the filming of the latest Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Like us, he also hates Depp for taking roles that should be going to our love/his dear friend, Keanu. As such, an Al CapPacino Cake with a tongue planted firmly in cheek was required to give us the energy we needed.

 

Al CapPacino Cake_1

 

While we sadly weren’t able to shut-down production of Pirates 17: Depp the Douche … yet (we are truly sorry everyone), the cake was moist, fluffy and had the perfect whack of coffee.

All in all, it was a win. Enjoy!

 

Al CapPacino Cake_2

 

Al CapPacino Cake
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
225g caster sugar
225g soft  unsalted butter (plus some for greasing)
200g plain flour
50g ground almonds
4 tsp instant espresso powder
2 ½ tsp baking powder
½ tsp bicarbonate soda
4 large eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract
1-2 tbsp milk

Icing
160g white chocolate
¼ cup unsalted butter
½ cup plus 1 tablespoon sour cream
1 ½-2 cups icing sugar, sifted
Cocoa powder

Method
Preheat the oven to 180°C. Butter a 23cm cake tin and line the base with baking parchment.

Combine flour, ground almonds, espresso powder, baking powder and bicarbonate soda in a bowl. Place this baby to the side (don’t worry, just for a bit…nobody puts baby in the corner … permanently).

In a large bowl, cream butter and sugar with an electric mixer. Stop, add one egg, mix to combine. Stop, add a third of the flour mixture, mix to combine. Continue until the eggs and flour are gone.

With the mixer running, add vanilla extract and milk to slightly loosen the mixture. Trust your gut, you may not need all the milk, you may need more. It should be loose and light enough to drop easily off a spoon.

Pour the mixture into the lined tin and bake in the oven for 30-45 minutes, or until the sponge has risen and feels springy to the touch. Cool in the tin on a wire rack for about 10 minutes, before turning out onto the rack and peeling off the baking parchment.

When cool, literally and metaphorically, you can make the icing.

Icing
Melt the chocolate and butter in a double boiler, and set aside to cool slightly before stirring in the sour cream. Using a whisk, gradually beat in the sifted icing sugar. Add as much sugar as feels right to get the consistency you like, if thin, add more and if too thick add a little bit of hot water. Spread roughly, generously and playfully over the top of the cake. Dust lightly with cocoa, slice, serve and devour.

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

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Coffees and … coochies

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

After a busy week helping our celebrity friends and POTUS celebrate the Fourth of July weekend, we thought we should ease our way back into the social scene with a quiet catch-up with one of our oldest friends.

Being in his 70s, Al Pacino more than fit the bill.

We first met Al on the set of Cruising, where taking the title to heart I routinely tried to woo him over the course of production until he lodged a complaint with the director about my nude stalking.

After a decade feuding we reunited on the set of Dick Tracy (Annelie made it clear this wasn’t a porno and to behave) and have remained close friends ever since. We even coached him to act like Chris O’Donnell wasn’t the worst during his Academy Award winning turn in Scent of a Woman.

What says we have missed you dearly slash sorry for forcing you to do those awful coffee commercials about your Pacino scripts? You were right, terrible idea.

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Friendster, FriendFace, Myspace and YouFace coming soon.

Picture source: Victoria Will/Invision/AP.

Mickey Rooney Cheese

Americana Week, Main

The year was 1962 and life was grand, except for the part where Mickey Rooney put a hit out on us.

Ben and I met Mickey in the late 1930s at the height of his Vaudeville days – as fellow Vaudevillians we bonded instantly. Our deep friendship allowed us to convince him to take the iconic role as Breakfast at Tiffany’s Mr Yunioshi, something he regretted but we certainly didn’t.

In addition to scouting roles for Mickey, we also managed his financial affairs, inevitably leading to his extraordinary bankruptcy in 1962. Look, we tried to tell him, Mickey – you need to lay off the alcohol, the burgers and the women – but he wouldn’t listen to his closest friends.

Time (and alcohol-riddled events) softened the rift between us, however it was only now that Ben and I decided to time-travel back to 2012 and make proper amends with our old friend.

Mickey Rooney is a true hollywood hero amongst us. Vanity Fair lauded him as the original hollywood trainwreck – something not even Ben and I have been able to top. After eight marriages (seven of which we split up), two bankruptcies and one yellow-face saga, his legacy is truly worthy of admiration. Farewell to you and your clusterfuck of a life, Mr Rooney.

 

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We needed to offer something simultaneously comforting and denture-appropriate. Something that went down well with a few cheeky beverages as we reminisced and cat-fought over days gone by. Mickey Rooney Cheese seemed the perfect option.

Also guys, as we are so social and so technologically advanced we have gone nuts on the social medias. You should follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Friendster, FriendFace, Myspace and YouFace coming soon.

 

FullSizeRender

 

Mickey Rooney Cheese
Serves: 8

Ingredients
500g macaroni pasta
4 tablespoons butter
4 tablespoons flour
3 cups milk
1 cup cream
2 cups mixed grated cheese (we prefer cheddar, gruyere and parmesan)
2 tablespoons dijon mustard
200g stale sourdough, processed into crumbs
1/2 cup melted butter, extra

Method
Preheat oven to 180 degrees. Bring a large pot of salted water to the boil. Cook macaroni according to packet directions.

While macaroni is cooking, make a roux with butter and flour. Whisk in milk, cream and mustard and simmer until thickened. Add 1.5 cups cheese and season to taste. In a separate bowl, mix bread crumbs and additional butter.

Mix macaroni and cheese sauce together and pour into 8-cup capacity baking dish. Top with bread crumb mixture and sprinkle with 1/2 cup leftover cheese. Bake in hot oven for 20 minutes or until breadcrumbs are toasted and cheese is melted.

Buffalec Baldwin Chicken Meatball Poppers

Americana Week, Main, Party Food, Side, Snack

While our relationship with Alec Baldwin is volatile (let’s be honest, do any of the three of us have a non-volatile relationship?), it can not be denied that the man is an American icon and as such earns his place on our Americana Week celebrations.

We first met Alec on the set of Beetlejuice where we were his sworn enemies, but were won over while working together on Working Girl (we were script advisors) and it is this up and down between love and hate that has defined our relationship over the decades.

After we got him the role of The Shadow, he vowed to never turn away from us again and it was following its horrific release when he first used the term cocksucking faggot. The second time was after we called him useless in our lauded film, Team America.

Following years feuding and feeding information to Kim Basinger (we leaked the conversation with Ireland) and the paps, our dear friend Teens got in touch on his behalf, hoping that she can help mend our fences once and for all.

While the 30 Rock years were dreamy for our relationship, it has been strained ever since when he, again, referred to me as a cocksucking faggot to reporters. How dare he not mention that I was also beautiful? I do not tolerate sub-standard compliments (I don’t see how being a cocksucking faggot, isn’t a good thing).

Alec heard that we were in the country at the behest of Barack and wanted to try and win me back following his thoughtless oversights and as such, we dropped by.

To say Alec was laying on the charm is a major understatement, complimenting our high-Hollywood-society return (we assume he wants a career boost) and was hoping to get an invite to White House (please).

The only consolation we could offer was a batch of (his favourite) Buffalec Baldwin Chicken Meatball Poppers!

 

Buffalec Baldwin Chicken Meatball Poppers_1

 

Like Alec, the balls are fiery and really pack a punch. If you’re not a fan of blue cheese, you could leave it out and ignore the stuffing steps.

Obviously Alec wanted me to leave in the cheese, he never could resist the creamy ooze from my balls popping in his mouth.

Enjoy!

Also guys, as we are so social and so technologically advanced we have gone nuts on the social medias. You should follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Friendster, FriendFace, Myspace and YouFace coming soon.

 

Buffalec Baldwin Chicken Meatball Poppers_2

 

Buffalec Baldwin Chicken Meatball Poppers
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
2 tablespoons olive oil
¼ cup unsalted butter
⅓ cup hot sauce, plus more for serving
500g chicken mince
1 egg
½ cup celery, minced in food processor
½ cup carrot, minced in food processor
¾ cups dried breadcrumbs
1 teaspoons coarse salt
150g (ish) blue cheese, broken into small shards

Method
Preheat oven to 180 C.

Place butter and hot sauce in a small saucepan and cook, whisking, over low heat until butter is melted and hot sauce is well incorporated. Remove from heat and transfer to a bowl to cool until room temperature (about 10 minutes).

Add chicken, eggs, celery, carrot, breadcrumbs and salt to bowl with the butter/hot sauce mixture and mix until well combined. Roll chicken mixture into large walnut sized round balls, flatten and place a piece of blue cheese in the centre, closing the meat around it.

Place balls on a lined prepared baking sheet, arranging in rows so that they are touching. Transfer to oven and bake until cooked, about 15 minutes.

Take out of oven and leave to stand for about 5 minutes before serving platter. Drizzle with extra hot sauce if desired, otherwise just devour.

Simon Potato Baker (Denny)

Side

Lets just get it out of the way straight up – Nicole Kidman is still one of our nemeses (and just the worst) and Grace of Monaco is truly horrific. The Weinstein movie that became a Lifetime movie, not the woman; she was a champ (and a close friend).

Despite our catch up with Simon Baker-he-will-always-be-Denny-to-us being based on a horror, our time with him was anything but.

We first met Simon on the set of the greatest Australian drama of all time, E Street, where we were working as Toni Pearen’s mirror. Yes, her mirror – she paid us to describe how she looked and by that, to tell her that she looked ok.

Obviously seeing we were in a horrid situation, Simon took us under his wings (sadly and shockingly, not under the covers though) and hired us as his bodyguards slash entourage (the show is actually based on us, not Marky Blah-k) before our fortunes changed after meeting Zsa Zsa in priz. Once he joined us in L.A. we were able to payback his kindness and got him his first film role in L.A. Confidential (I was having a torrid affair with Spacey at the time).

Not long after he married his wife Bec and became stuck tolerating Ms. Kidman with us. As such, we like to catch-up every couple of months to trash talk and reminisce about the good old (pre-Kidman) days.

As I said, Grace of Monaco is one of her worst but thankfully our Simon Potato Baker (Denny) is one of our best.

 

Simon Potato Baker (Denny)_1

 

Rich, creamy, cheesey with a kick of garlic and (a crap-load of) bacon. Need I say more? Serve with a steak or whatever piece of meat you like or as we prefer, in the dish with a large spoon each.

Also guys, as we are so social and so technologically advanced we have gone nuts on the social medias. You should follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Friendster, FriendFace, Myspace and YouFace coming soon.

 

Simon Potato Baker (Denny)_2

 

Simon Potato Baker (Denny)
Serves: 4 (dependent on the size of the dish used).

Ingredients (All quantities depend on the size of the dish)
4-6 (ish) large potatoes
6 rashers shortcut bacon, dependent on how much you love bacon
1-2 tablespoons crushed garlic
1 cup of grated cheddar
300ml cream
salt and pepper, to season

Method
Pre-heat oven to 160 C.

Peel and wash all potatoes and slice into just under ½cm slices. Cut bacon into a small dice.

Place a layer of potatoes over the base of your dish. Sprinkle with some diced bacon, crushed garlic and grated cheese, to taste.

Repeat until all the ingredients have been used up slash you have almost filled the dish, finishing with a layer of potatoes.

Once done, pour cream over the the potatoes until it is ½ to ¾ of the way up the dish. Season and top with a generous layer of cheese.

Bake in the oven for 30 minutes to 1 hour, or until potato is tender and the bake is browned on the top.

He’s A Sexy Babymaker

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

I’ve said it once and I will likely say it a thousand times, mutual hatred is the ultimate relationship builder! None more so than when you are united by the hate of one Ms. Nicky Kidman (you know what you did Nicole).

While we made some poor choices and befriended her on the set of BMX Bandits, poor Simon Baker Denny married into a friendship with her and has had to tolerate her ways ever since.

Simon is dropping by to hate-watch Grace of Monaco with us and requested a small snack, that is warming and delicious. Super specific but we love him (even despite this look), what should we make?

Also guys, as we are so social and so technologically advanced we have gone nuts on the social medias. You should follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Friendster, FriendFace, Myspace and YouFace coming soon.

Picture source: Unknown.