EGOT

Elton Johnnycakes

Breakfast, Grammy Gold, Grammy Gold: Golden Little Pill, Snack

I know what you’re thinking – did hell freeze over? While technically, the answer is no (as far as we can tell), both Elts and I felt that with Trump’s election, the impossible and stupid is now possible and so our feuding should come to an end.

Despite my pledge to always be his staunchest of rivals.

We started a renewed correspondence back in mid-December to throw shade at the vile pig that was elected as the President of the United States. After a few weeks of back and forth rage, we realised that despite our tumultuous past it was time to unite for the greater good of the world – it is amazing what a mutual enemy does for one’s friendships!

(Yes, I’m now going for a Nobel Peace Prize too – FYI … in lieu of the Oscar he made me lose in the ‘90s).

Wanting to sort out our issues before we both changed our mind – and given the fact he has his own Oscars celebration – I decided to mark our renewed friendship by including him in our Grammy Gold celebrations, rather than wait (or rub salt in the wounds) for Oscar Gold.

While it was obviously, extremely awkward for a good twenty minutes or so as we both circled each other hurling back-handed compliments, until I softened and mentioned his spawn, softening his heart and allowing us to truly connect like in the good old days.

Well, almost – he hadn’t had a post-flight colonic. Which reminds me, he obvs wrote Benny and the Jets about me during happier times.

Not to let that dampen the mood, I quickly whipped up a batch of my Elton Johnnycakes – for the first time post feud – which was our go to post-coitus (or colonic) snack.

 

elton-johnnycakes-1

 

Pancakes are good and all, but how can you go past a option that is thicker, juicer and packed full of a different flavour. Gah – I think I missed Elts in our time apart, don’t tell anyone.

Enjoy!

 

elton-johnnycakes-2

 

Elton Johnnycakes
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
150g polenta
100g flour
1 tbsp baking powder
1 tbsp raw caster sugar
pinch of salt
2 eggs
300ml milk
30g butter, melted

Method
Combine the dry ingredients in a large bowl and whisk together the milk and eggs in a jug. Stirring constantly, whisk the wet ingredients into the dry until some and combined. Finally, whisk in the butter.

Meanwhile heat a skillet over medium heat. Melt a small lug of butter and when foamy, add in a ¼ cup of batter into the pan. After a minute or so, flip over the cake and cook for a further minute. Transfer to a plate.

Repeat until done and devour in bed, alone or with a dear friend (in the ‘70s obvs, not now).

 

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Grammy Gold: Golden Little Pill

Grammy Gold, Grammy Gold: Golden Little Pill, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

In the beginning, there was Oscar Gold.

Then came a celebration for its scummy TV equivalent, Emmy Gold.

Now, I welcome you to the cooler version celebrating the best in music – and more importantly, spoken word albums – Grammy Gold.

I know what you’re thinking, “didn’t this bozo just have a special week celebrating the critical undervalued Because I Said So?”

The answer is yes, great observation. But I pose to you a retort, how could I not mark the 10th anniversary of the seminal Moore-Keaton vehicle or earn good karma from the Grammys in pursuit of my EGOT?

Game, set, match – welcome to Grammy Gold: Golden Little Pill (you’ll never guess who convinced me to start celebrating the Grammys!).

Image source: The Recording Academy.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

KeBarbra Streisand

Main, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold MMXVI: Gold Interrupted, Party Food, Snack

After an evening of focusing solely on the music, I wanted to make a gateway into discussing the current crop of nominated acteurs. Who better than to make that jump than the funniest girl I am friends with, the one, the only and very dear to me Barbra.

I first connected with Babs in the late 50s – Stockard Channing would have been about 68, but I digress – when we were both young up-starts living a gypsy lifestyle in NY, waiting to make it big. There is nothing quite like the bond you form on the street other than the ones you form in prison, but again, I’ve digressed.

Babs and I would surf the couches in the evening, while trying to make it big during the day until she beat me in a singing contest in a bar in Greenwich Village, where I was too busy beating people off for money. She went to Broadway and I went to prison.

While I was in the clink for the best part of the 60s, Babs was never one to shy away from visiting and even plead my case to the parole board so that I could accompany her to witness her tied-Oscar glory in 1969. I mean, you can take the girl out of the streets but you can never take the street out of the girl.

It was such a hoot catching up with my Babs – she is just so humble, down-to-earth and accessible that being around her is never intimidating, when it really should be. I mean, she is a damn legend!

Obviously we agreed that while our dear Cate again knocked it out of the park, she is likely to end up as the second coming of Mez – being always invited to the party, but rarely the guest of honour. Yep – I’ve firmed up my Best Actress pick and what better way to officially board the Brie train than with a spicy, cheesy Kebarbra Streisand?

 

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Despite being a good Jewish girl, Babs is willing to go non-kosher for these glorious snacks. Spiced lamb, haloumi and capsicum cut with a hint of lemon – you better believe a star was born when I first made these!

Enjoy!

 

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Kebarbra Streisand
Makes: 10ish.

Ingredients
400g lamb, diced
2 tbsp fresh oregano, diced
1 lemon, zested and juiced
½ tsp ground cumin
¼ tsp ground chilli
⅓ cup olive oil
1 capsicum, cut into 1(ish)cm squares
250g haloumi, cut into 1(ish)cm cubes

Method
In a large bowl, combine the oregano, lemon zest and juice, cumin, chilli and olive oil. Add the lamb, stir, cover and place in the fridge to marinate for at least two hours to help it get as freaky as possible.

Preheat the oven to 180C.

Take the meat out of the fridge, grab a handful of metal skewers and thread with the ingredients, alternating between the lamb, haloumi and capsicum until they are all gone. I found I got about 8 skewers.

My metal skewers are a bizarre size for griddles and I live in an apartment so am without a barbecue, so I go the oven baked approach however if you heat up a griddle, cook the skewers a couple of minutes each side and they will be golden.

Lay the skewers on a lined baking sheet, drizzle with oil and bake for fifteen minutes or until golden and gorgeous.

 

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Friza Minnelli (Friza with a Z)

Main, Side, Snack

If any of our friends can hold a candle to our razzle dazzle, it is Liza. Obviously that has a lot to do with my Triple Threat Tutelage (I must copyright that name), but I do believe she could have achieved fame on the z-list without me.

I mean it is Liza with a Z, after all.

While I trained dear Liza, we have sadly never had the opportunity to work together onscreen. Well we did, but Fosse the freak fucked it up. You see, I was originally cast in the role of the Emcee in the movie version of Cabaret however was fired for refusing to wear the comparatively demure costume that Joel Grey ended up wearing in his Oscar winning turn.

After the travesty, I hit the prescription drugs pretty hard and eventually took both Annelie and Liza with me where we became bonded for life.

Liza dropped by yesterday at dusk, when thankfully lighting is kinder, and immediately found her way to the balcony to bust out an epic tune to anyone that would listen. (It was fantastic, FYI). Thankfully she has recovered from her vertigo (which was written into Arrested Development) and we didn’t lose another treasure!

After wowing the wider neighbourhood, we quickly got to work gossiping about all of our mutual nemeses – Sienna Miller really had no place being in the latest Cabaret revival on Broadway, I mean, where is her Academy Award Nomination – and whipping up a batch of our favourite bitching food, Friza Minnelli.

 

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We first had the idea fresh out of rehab in the late 70s to do an Italian take on chilli fries and bam, Friza was born. Thankfully we had some leftover Dolognese from last week’s visit, so it was nice and easy to put together with some perfectly cooked oven fries.

Enjoy! But how couldn’t you – what is better than the joining of Dolly and Liza?

 

Friza Minnelli_2

 

Friza Minnelli
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
2 cups Dolognese Parton
4 russet potatoes
extra virgin olive oil
parmesan, grated

Method
Preheat oven to 220°C degrees.

Chop potatoes into matchsticks by cutting the potatoes in half, in half again, then slicing into wedges and then into thin matchsticks. Sounds confusing, but I promise it will make sense when you’re doing it.

Line two baking sheets with greaseproof paper and add the fries with a generous drizzle of EVOO and a good whack of salt and pepper. Toss generously to coat.

Arrange fries in a single layer, avoiding too much overlap if you can. Chuck them in the oven and bake for 25-35 minutes, tossing half way to ensure even crispiness.

When the fries have about 15 minutes left, place the Dolognese Parton in a saucepan and cook over low heat until it comes to temperature.

Once the fries are done, serve evenly between the bowls. Cover with Dolognese and garnish, heavily and aggressively, with parmesan.

Devour.

 

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Maybe This Time

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

I don’t know what it is, but spring has sprung and it seems all of our not so spring-chicken friends are coming out of the woodwork. And obviously, we could not be happier!

We first met our close friend Liza through her mother, Judy who we befriended her after an aggressive sabotage campaign on the set of The Wizard Of Oz (I played the suicide munchkin, obviously), which led to a joint addiction to barbiturates which we continued after little Liza was born (the friendship also led to the coining of the term, Friend of Dorothy).

Always from a young age, Liza knew how to command both a room and a gay man’s heart; I took her on as my protege (she was starved of talented creatives to look up to) and commenced her on the path of craving attention and adoration, as well as the need for pain meds from the rigorous dance training.

Liza could smell the fame we are currently experiencing, and of course, wanted in. What says come to our kitchen slash cabaret, old chum? Come to our kitchen slash cabaret.

Picture source: Screen-cap from Arrested Development.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.