Lena Wafers

Hojichanine Lattallis

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2019), Drink, Survivor: Australia V The World, Sweets, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor the final four lined up for an epic final immunity challenge which, as per tradition, appeared to be an epic torture device. They each stood on ever narrower pegs and had to balance while holding up 20% of their starting body weight. Which is frankly a challenge Parvati was born to win, but they all fought valiantly. After Cirie and Janine dropped, Luke fought valiantly, but Parvati proved too good and jagged her first ever final immunity. Back at camp Luke seemed to be the dead man walking, though when it came to actually voting, Janine felt guilty and chose to give him a chance at fire. Which then led to the most harrowing situation occurring, as Cirie lost the fire challenge and finished in fourth. Just like her very first season.

The next day Parvati was heartbroken to be sitting in the final three without Cirie, particularly devastated that there was nothing she could do to protect her friend. Making it such a bittersweet moment to have made it to the end for the third time. But trust and believe, she was going to regroup and deliver a killer final tribal council performance. The final three caught up under the shelter, with Parvati assuring the professional keynote speaker and charmer Luke, that she will give them a run for the money. And nothing will get in her way of winning again. The final three then found their feast and after toasting the fact they made it to the end, agreed how grateful they were to have found friends among the chaos.

Luke meanwhile was grateful to Janine for giving him the shot to earn his way into final tribal council, while he worried about getting his words in order and speaking from the heart. Janine was once again proud to have played like the godmother, proving that you can look after your family while being the mob boss. Oh, and she was confident she would be able to treat the final tribal council like the boardroom, using her emotional intelligence to read the room and give them what they want.

At the final tribal council Sarah, Kirby, Kass, Tommi, Lisa, Shonee and Cirie took their places on the jury as Jonathan explained how the evening would play out. First, the final three would each get to make opening statements, before the jury would ask questions one by one, before voting to crown a winner.

Janine kicked off the opening statements by talking about how much she wanted the title, though admitted that she doesn’t really care about the money. She explained that to her, the game is about loyalty and trust, and she found her person in Luke. And while she and Luke played the game from the bottom, getting rid of Kirby was the turning point in her game, as she built a relationship with Cirie and Parvati to take control. She admitted that while she was conflicted about what to do at the final four, she was proud to have given Luke a shot and stay loyal in her game. And she felt that her game was kind of flawless.

Next Luke took the floor, talking about his original audition and how he vowed to be one of the most dominant players around the world. And while everyone in his group laughed, he is now here. And finally, on his third go, he had outlasted, rather than just outwit and outplay. He then articulated finding an idol, aligning with Janine and riding with her to the end, and while he wanted to stay Australia strong at the merge, he pivoted to try and work with the internationals, until it became clear that they weren’t interested. He then decided to work with Parv and Cirie, and is so persuasive, he even convinced Parv to rip up her idol steal advantage. Oh and then he convinced Janine to give him a shot at the end. He spoke about being the heart and soul of Australian Survivor and that he was ready to take his place on the world stage.

Parvati closed things out talking about playing the game for close to 20 years, gagged to be sitting in the final three once again on the biggest stage. And she was confident this was her best game yet. She knew she was one of the biggest targets coming in, so made sure things were still good with Cirie and they reignited the spark of Micronesia. She spoke about being evicted from the auction and while schooling Luke for sending her back to camp, she knew an advantage would be waiting for her at the beach. And when she knew the game was shifting, she decided to try and create a little bit of chaos, gathering the troops and preparing to vote out Kass. Until she whipped out her idol, leading to Parvati pulling out her advantage and bluffing the power of it to ensure she went home. She then outlined that Luke approached her after tribal council and begged her to rip it up, and did it, not because he persuaded her, but because she was in control. She then told the jury that Luke may be a national treasure and Janine a legit icon, but the vote is about who played the best game. And that was her.

And while I agree it is 100% true, only one of the final three were unable to secure votes at final tribal council, and that was the godmother herself, Janine.

While Janine was disappointed to get the dreaded tap on the shoulder before the final votes were read, she was grateful to have such a dear friend by her side. I will argue until the end of time that successful people like Janine that make it to the end, never really get a fair go. I mean, Lisa Welchel and Mike White are proof that being famous makes people question whether they should reward a stellar game, and sadly Janine now joins the club. (Thankfully our fellow bestie Pia and Shane Gould both bucked the trend). Arguably she played the superior game to Luke out of the Aussie finalists, but unfortunately it was also the quieter. She was the one that won over Cirie, allowing them to join forces with the Black Widows and make it to the end. And that alone is worthy of a rich Hojichanine Lattallis.

Full disclosure, hojicha is not everyone’s cup of tea – no pun intended. Giving off a subtle hint of matcha, the roasting of the tea works perfectly in a glorious little iced latte/frappe number (particularly if you go heavy on the maple)!

Enjoy!

Hojichanine Lattallis
Serves: 1

Ingredients
2 tsp hojicha powder
1 cup milk
½ cup Vanilla Ica Cream
2 tsp maple syrup
whipped cream and crushed Lena Wafers, to serve

Method
Combine the hojicha, milk, ice cream and maple in a blender, and blitz for a minute, or until thick and combined.

Pour into a glass, top with whipped cream and crushed wafers before downing, like a boss. Repeat as required.


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Picnick Wilson

Dessert, Snack, Survivor, Survivor: Winners at War, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor Michele had well and truly hit her limit for chaos, wanting everyone to give the audience what they want. Aka a battle of the best, not telephone and lies. While their ally Ben was hyper-focused on getting rid of Jeremy, however Tony and Sarah knew they needed to keep him around as a shield. And to guarantee the other side can’t get the numbers. Sarah expertly planted the idea in Ben’s head to go for Nick, and what do you know, Ben thought getting rid of Nick was the best idea. Sadly for them, however, Nick then took out immunity – and my heart, now that he is officially island hot – before the tribe returned to chaos. And after Michele played her 50/50 coin for herself, found it wasn’t needed, as the tribe banded together to get rid of Jeremy instead.

The tribe returned to camp with Michele excited that she actually won her immunity, though heartbroken to have lost Jeremy. Meanwhile Tony and Ben caught up by the well, with the latter thrilled to have survived, while the former was thrilled to have solidified his control over the tribe. Oh and then he called Michele a goat and despite normally wanting to take those to the end, he reminded us that you can’t do that in a season like this. Clearly he hasn’t seen firey Michele though, who tore Nick a new arsehole by the shore, agreeing that they could never beat Jeremy, but keeping him was the only way either of them had a path to the end. And now he has completely ruined their shot at winning. While Nick tried to defend himself, Michele continued to explain that there is no way they are getting to the end anymore. Though she did remind us that when her back is against the wall, she plays strong and hot damn, she did deserve her first win.

Yes, first win. Because she deserves another.

The next day she learnt to hide her rage and instead spoke about how everyone is playing scared, except her and since she has nothing to lose, she is going to fuck shit up. She and Sarah chatted while doing some arts and crafts, sassing her about nobody strategising because she is the next to go. Sarah tried to deny it, but Michele continued and said that targeting her was stupid for anyone wanting to win given Tony is in control and anyone going to the jury will tell them that. While Sarah said that isn’t the case, Michele reminded her that perception is everything in this game and it doesn’t matter what she thinks, only the jury. Queen, icon, legend.

Meanwhile we checked in with the Edge of Extinction where Jeremy was shocked by how little food they get each day before Yul discovered a clue by the flag. He returned to camp and read it aloud, with everyone disappearing in every direction to find whatever advantage it was leading to. Thankfully Natalie put her 30 days on Extinction to use, quickly finding it and returning to camp while Wendell disappeared up the hill. Natalie’s fan club rallied around her as she sat down to share her advantage with them. Turns out it was another disadvantage, this time in the upcoming immunity challenge with her able to sell it for however much she likes and the purchaser is able to use it against someone else.

Back at camp we discover that she offered the disadvantage to Nick, who had proudly hoarded six fire tokens. He learnt that not only is it for a disadvantage, it was also a secret one and nobody would know it was him. Sadly, Natalie priced it at 8 fire tokens meaning he needed to partner with someone. As such, he approached Michele to try and repair their relationship after the Jeremy vote. She gladly offered to give him the tokens but only after they agreed to play it against Ben, hoping to make him paranoid enough to blow up his game.

Well we learnt that at the challenge, before, it was all in abstract terms.

Speaking of the challenge, it required them to stack dominoes on a beam atop a trip obstacle and knock them over so they hit a gong at the other end. And sadly for Ben, he had a 30% longer beam with 30% more block. Oh and today was the final day to earn and spend fire tokens. Ben wasn’t shocked, given he has never received a fire token or advantage and clearly has no friends and shucks, I almost feel bad for him. Everyone was out of the gate quickly, while Ben made early mistakes, desperate to overcome his disadvantage. Michele, Sarah and Tony started to pull ahead, while Denise and Nick opted for a slow and steady approach. Poor Michele dropped one of her blocks, giving Tony and Sarah the break they needed. Which sadly didn’t play out, as Sarah knocked a block off and Tony slowed down, allowing Michele to make up the ground and quickly snatch immunity.

Much to everyone’s dismay, given the tribe were of the mind that anyone should win except her.

Back at camp the tribe half-heartedly congratulated Michele, before Denise decided to play the Angelina card and offered to buy a bag of rice for everyone, if they made some rice today so that she would be well fed ahead of the comeback challenge. Only she wasn’t sure of her imminent departure, instead, it was all a ploy to make Nick and Michele feel safe, so that she could stick with the cops and the coc … I mean Ben, to get rid of Nick. Barring any surprises. Ben too was keen to get rid of Nick, so jumped on the plan and approached Nick and Michele to assure them that he wants to get rid of Denise, given she is the Queen Slayer. Nick was feeling very confident that his plan had come together, so sat with Tony and Michele to chat about how difficult beating Ben in the fire challenge will be and as such, now would be a good time to blindside him.

Which Tony agreed with. As such, he decided to reopen the Spy Nest and see whether he could get some intel to decide which way to go. And oh was it worth it, as he overheard Denise laying out a plan to Sarah and Ben to join them in the final three, and cut Tony’s throat at four instead. With that, Tony approached Michele and Nick to work up a legitimate plan to get rid of Denise instead. Tony pulled Sarah aside given he didn’t want to make a move without her, with her agreeing that getting rid of Denise is important to their game. Though Nick has a strong underdog narrative and as such, he is just as big of a threat.

At tribal council Michele continued to gloat about her immunity win, given everyone hates her and thinks she is worthless. She then started to tell jokes and endear herself to the jury and damn, she has game! Sarah said that that fire is what pushed Michele to win the challenge, while Ben sadly lamented getting a disadvantage and worried where it came from. Nick spoke about the battle between voting people out and who you need to keep, Sarah spoke about fiscal responsibility with her coins, Michele said the coins have given her hope, given she is clearly beloved by the jury despite not always being on the right side of the numbers. Ben admitted to being nervous about the unknown new member of the final six, who will return the next day, Tony said that person doesn’t matter and instead it is their bonds that will keep them safe while Denise continued to pretend to be dejected about obviously going out of the game.

Meanwhile on the jury, Adam suggested that it was a fakeout which Sophie and Kim shut down like he is an annoying child. And I live.

With that the tribe voted and despite once again thinking the status quo was about to be flipped, Tony and Sarah’s alliance stood firm and sent Nick from the game. I ruffled my hair and casually positioned myself on the side of the boat that would take Nick to the Edge, before again, casually, running up to him and pulling him in for a long hug. I held his biceps as I told him that he should be proud of the game he played, as despite being the newest winner on the cast, wasn’t as fixated on getting rid of the old schoolers. Which I love. As much as his nipples and wrapping my lips around a thick, fat Picnick Wilson.

Chocolate bar, guys – relax. Like my copycat Snickers before it, this is honestly God-tier. So sweet, so rich just like what we’re copying. But better, because it is fresh and a little bit bigger.

Enjoy!

Picnick Wilson
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
¾ cup raw caster sugar
½ cup liquid glucose
¼ cup water
1 egg white, at room temperature
generous pinch of salt
½ cup natural crunchy peanut butter
60g butter
2 tbsp muscovado sugar
395g condensed milk
1 cup salted peanuts, roughly chopped
1 batch Lena Wafers
800g milk chocolate
½ cup rice bubbles

Method
This one starts the same as the snickers, so start by lining a 20x30cm baking pan with some baking paper.

Combine the caster sugar, glucose and water in a small pan over high heat and stir until the sugar has dissolved. While you bring the syrup to the boil, whisk the egg white in a stand mixer until stiff peaks form. When the sugar reaches 135°C, remove from the boil and slowly add to the eggs with the whisk still on high. Continue whisking until the nougat comes together and pulls away from the sides of the bowl.

Remove from the mixer and fold through the peanut butter with an oiled spatula, emphasis on oiled, until it is thick, combined and spongy. Turn into the lined baking pan, spreading mixture evenly, and leave to rest while you make the caramel.

Combine the butter, muscovado sugar and condensed milk in a clean saucepan and stir over medium heat until the butter has melted and the sugar dissolved. Bring to the boil and cook until it is thick and has started to turn a caramel colour. Remove from the heat and fold through the half of the peanuts before spreading over the setting nougat. Cover with the Lena Wafers, cutting so they fit together snuggly. Cover and place in the fridge to set for a couple of hours.

When you’re ready to assemble, line a baking sheet with paper and cut the nougat and caramel into chocolate bar sized bars. Melt the chocolate in the microwave – 30s on high, followed by 10s intervals until done – and leave to cool for a couple of minutes, before folding through the peanuts and rice bubbles. Dip the bars into the crispy chocolate and place them on the lined baking sheet. Once done, brush the remaining chocolate over the bars to completely enclose them, bulking up on the top. Transfer to the fridge for a few hours to set, before devouring Clueless style. Aka drawing as much attention to your mouth as possible.


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Lena Wafers

Baking, Dessert, Emmy Gold, Emmy Gold: The Gold Wing, Sweets

It is the second last day of this year’s Emmy Gold celebration The Gold Wing, can you believe? And something something segue Gaz, Marg, Ava, Rami and Rhea something, I am thrilled to catch-up with my dear friend and semi-freshly minted Emmy winner Lena Waithe.

Given she won her Emmy with my (problematic) friend Aziz for the beautiful Thanksgiving episode of Master of None, it should come as no surprise that he is the reason we became friends.

I was visiting the set during season 1 and Lena and I got to talking about our coming out experiences, and Aziz suggested that they write it into the second season. So you’re welcome, because that episode was perfection and he and Lena truly deserved that Emmy and I can’t even begrudge them for not including me in the writing process.

Since her victory, Len’s career has absolutely exploded and while it means we don’t get to see each other as often as we’d like, I’m so proud of her. And it makes our fleeting dates even more special. As a fellow writer, I knew that she would be best placed to go through the writing categories with me. Obviously she agreed that The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel’s auteur Amy Sherman-Palladino would snag it for Comedy. Continuing our agreeance, we both backed Phoebe Waller-Bridge for Killing Eve, Steve Martin and Martin Short for their Netflix special and William Bridges and Charlie Brooker will snag it for USS Callister.

With the formalities out of the way, we toasted her success and got to work demolishing a big batch of Lena Wafers.

 

 

Not your childhood’s technicolour crosshatched biscuits, these wafers may not look as perfect but damn they are delicious. Light, sweet and delightfully crisp, they are the only thing worthy of honouring my girl Lena.

Enjoy!

 

 

Lena Wafers
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
115g unsalted butter, at room temperature
100g raw caster sugar
1 egg, whisked
2 tbsp vanilla extract
1 tbsp milk
200g flour
1 tsp baking powder
pinch of kosher salt

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C.

Cream the butter and sugar in a stand mixer for a couple of minutes, or until it is light and fluffy. Still going, add the egg, vanilla and milk and continue beating until just combined.

Combine the flour, baking soda and salt in another bowl before folding through the wet ingredients. Cover and transfer to the fridge for half an hour.

When you’re ready to bake, place teaspoon sized bowls on lined baking sheets, leaving plenty of space for spread. Flatten each ball to form a thin disc and transfer to the oven to bake for fifteen minutes, or until golden.

Remove from the oven and allow to cool on the sheets for a couple of minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely.

Once set, devour.

 

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