Oscar Gold

Aaron Porkin Cabbage Dumplings

Main, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold MMXVI: Gold Interrupted, Party Food, Snack

As a ramblin’ man, prone to long monologues at anyone that will listen with the speedy caffeinated talking style of the Gilmore Girls, you just know I am a close friend with Aaron Sorkin.

I first met Sorki in the late 90s when he hired me as to act as his sports advisor on the set of his new show Sports Night. Given our mutual love of fast-paced talking, the bond we shared was instant and we have been working together ever since with me doctoring all of his major scripts.

Well except for The Social Network as I was banned from the set due to my arrests for stalking JT and the consulting Winklevii twins.

This year’s crop of screenplay nominees are largely first time nominees, allowing us to really get into a wordy discussion on the merits of each picture without touching the elephant in the room that is his snubbing for the Steve Jobs script – he likely blames my doctoring, I blame everything but myself because well #OscarsSoStraight too.

When engaging in spirited and verbose discussion, it is important to make sure you have a meal that is both hearty and light – that is where my Aaron Porkin Cabbage Dumplings come in!

 

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Packed full of fresh ingredients, the flavours combine to give you an all together delicious blob of meat wrapped in a light, spongy dough. So, you know, the basic, undignified definition of what a dumpling is.

Enjoy!

 

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Aaron Porkin Cabbage Dumplings
Makes: 48.

Ingredients
4 tsp finely grated fresh ginger
4 garlic cloves, finely chopped
1 ½ cup coarsely chopped wombok
500g pork mince
4 shallots, trimmed, thinly sliced
2 tbsp tamari
1 tbsp caster sugar
1 tbsp sesame oil
1 tbsp cooking sake
48 gow gee wrappers
1 ½ tbsp vegetable oil, extra
⅔ cup water, extra

Method
Combine ginger and garlic, cabbage, pork, shallots, tamari, sugar, sesame oil, sake and a good whack of salt and pepper.

Place a wrapper on a clean work surface. Place about2 tsps of pork mixture in the centre of the wrapper, brush edges with water and fold over to enclose, pinching the edges together. Place on a tray lined with non-stick baking paper. Repeat with remaining wrappers and pork mixture.

You can try and make them look nice and crimped but I am really terrible at it.

Heat half the extra vegetable oil in a non-stick frying pan over high heat. Cook half the gyoza for 2 minutes or until bases are golden. Add half the extra water. Cook, covered, for 5 minutes or until cooked and liquid has evaporated. Transfer to a serving platter and repeat with remaining oil, gyoza and water.

Serve with sriracha, hoisin or soy sauce while walking around delivering rapid monologues with your friends.

 

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Ang Leek and Asparagus Tarts

Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold MMXVI: Gold Interrupted

I am almost overwhelmed when it comes to talking about my beautiful, breathtaking and languid friendship with the gorgeous Ang Lee. He has brought me so much joy over the years – adapting books I love, casting men I love and having them flash their buns, which I love.

Ang Lee is both a pimp for my love of celluloid flesh and a saint, which is a stunning combination.

I first connected with the celebrated director while attending the Provincial Tainan First Senior High School where his father, our principal, made him act as my mentor to curb my shameful, wayward behaviour.

Ang was such a kind, gentle soul and I desperately wanted to avoid disappointing him, however me being me, I rubbed off on him and he failed his final exams and couldn’t progress to being a professor. Thankfully it led him to eventually being a director so, in a roundabout way, I am responsible for his lush films and lauded career.

You’re welcome.

We lost contact after his mandatory military service however reconnected through Em Thomp – my closest boozing bud – while he was making Sense and Sensibility and I became his most trusted advisor, leading to Bana buns in Hulk and Brokeback Mountain.

While it was very hard to be overlooked for the role of Ennis opposite J-Gyll, Ang was kind enough to introduce us on set – he hired me as the resident flannel expert – and we enjoyed a torrid love affair that I ran to the paps about, thus starting all of the Jake gay rumours.

No one was better to discuss this year’s Best Director crop than the two-time winner, so I whipped up my Ang Leek and Asparagus Tarts to fuel our moving discussion about the possibility of our dear friend George Miller finally getting recognised for his work after such a majestically eclectic filmography.

Dark horse pick goes to Adam McKay. I mean, he was robbed for the Anchorman movies.

 

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While asparagus pee is both a blessing (I’m special) and a curse (it is rank), these tarts are well worth it. The sweetness of the leek with the sharp goat’s cheese and earthy asparagus create a delicate little tart that packs as much of a punch as one of Ang’s films.

Enjoy!

 

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Ang Leek and Asparagus Tarts
Makes: 18.

Ingredients
2 sheets puff pastry, thawed
1 tablespoon butter
2 leeks, finely sliced
1 bunch asparagus
Sea salt
Freshly ground black pepper
3 eggs, lightly beaten
300ml cream
150g goat’s cheese

Method
Preheat the oven to 180°C.

Melt butter over low heat and saute the leeks until soft, and place into a large mixing bowl.

Trim the ends of the asparagus and cut into 5cm pieces and fry for two minutes on high heat in the same pan, until bright and just cooked. Add asparagus to the leeks and allow to cool.

Once cooled, add in the eggs and cream, season and stir to combine.

Place the puff pastry on a clean surface and cut both into a 3×3 grid, so that each sheet make nine squares. Roughly press each square of pastry into a muffin tin, to create a rustic looking case – I am too lazy to worry about it looking “nice,” as is Ang.

Pour the vegetable/custard mixture even amongst the 18 cases and crumble the goats cheese on top.

Whack in the oven and bake for 20 minutes or until set and golden. Remove from the oven and rest for about 20 minutes before inhaling.

Devour in a poignant fashion.

 

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KeBarbra Streisand

Main, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold MMXVI: Gold Interrupted, Party Food, Snack

After an evening of focusing solely on the music, I wanted to make a gateway into discussing the current crop of nominated acteurs. Who better than to make that jump than the funniest girl I am friends with, the one, the only and very dear to me Barbra.

I first connected with Babs in the late 50s – Stockard Channing would have been about 68, but I digress – when we were both young up-starts living a gypsy lifestyle in NY, waiting to make it big. There is nothing quite like the bond you form on the street other than the ones you form in prison, but again, I’ve digressed.

Babs and I would surf the couches in the evening, while trying to make it big during the day until she beat me in a singing contest in a bar in Greenwich Village, where I was too busy beating people off for money. She went to Broadway and I went to prison.

While I was in the clink for the best part of the 60s, Babs was never one to shy away from visiting and even plead my case to the parole board so that I could accompany her to witness her tied-Oscar glory in 1969. I mean, you can take the girl out of the streets but you can never take the street out of the girl.

It was such a hoot catching up with my Babs – she is just so humble, down-to-earth and accessible that being around her is never intimidating, when it really should be. I mean, she is a damn legend!

Obviously we agreed that while our dear Cate again knocked it out of the park, she is likely to end up as the second coming of Mez – being always invited to the party, but rarely the guest of honour. Yep – I’ve firmed up my Best Actress pick and what better way to officially board the Brie train than with a spicy, cheesy Kebarbra Streisand?

 

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Despite being a good Jewish girl, Babs is willing to go non-kosher for these glorious snacks. Spiced lamb, haloumi and capsicum cut with a hint of lemon – you better believe a star was born when I first made these!

Enjoy!

 

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Kebarbra Streisand
Makes: 10ish.

Ingredients
400g lamb, diced
2 tbsp fresh oregano, diced
1 lemon, zested and juiced
½ tsp ground cumin
¼ tsp ground chilli
⅓ cup olive oil
1 capsicum, cut into 1(ish)cm squares
250g haloumi, cut into 1(ish)cm cubes

Method
In a large bowl, combine the oregano, lemon zest and juice, cumin, chilli and olive oil. Add the lamb, stir, cover and place in the fridge to marinate for at least two hours to help it get as freaky as possible.

Preheat the oven to 180C.

Take the meat out of the fridge, grab a handful of metal skewers and thread with the ingredients, alternating between the lamb, haloumi and capsicum until they are all gone. I found I got about 8 skewers.

My metal skewers are a bizarre size for griddles and I live in an apartment so am without a barbecue, so I go the oven baked approach however if you heat up a griddle, cook the skewers a couple of minutes each side and they will be golden.

Lay the skewers on a lined baking sheet, drizzle with oil and bake for fifteen minutes or until golden and gorgeous.

 

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Tim Rice Paper Rolls

Main, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold MMXVI: Gold Interrupted, Side, Snack

After being reminded of my once close relationship with Elton – yep, you know we went there – I thought I would reach out to one of our favourite outside-the-boudoir collaborators, Tim Rice.

Yeah, I should have also won for Can You Feel the Love Tonight but Elton had my name struck from the record – maybe that is why our feud started?

My friendship with Timmy pre-dates Elty, having first met working as law clerks in London in the 60s. Our mutual love of music and my passion for theatrics, meant writing musicals was something we were born to do culminating in our first collab with David Gest’s doppelgänger ALW on Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat.

While I got into huge feud with ALW after he refused to focus on Doll’s coat over Joseph’s – our feud inspired the rivalry between Sheff and ALW in The Nanny – my close relationship with Tim was unbreakable and has lasted through all of my later feuds.

Timmy had far fewer aggressive opinions about this year’s Original Song nominees, wanting them all to win(!), but eventually caved to agree with me that Lady Gaga and Sam Smith are the absolute worst and have no place on the Oscars stage … and that Fifty Shades of Grey was a film full of nuance, that was understated, elegant and cerebral.

Needing to fuel such a spirited conversation (to help me firm up my bets), I opted for my Tim Rice Paper Rolls.

 

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Fresh, delicate and delicious – these rice paper rolls hit all the right notes without making you feel like death afterwards. I mean, Mac and Cheese is great but it is hard to focus on your gambling, on such a full stomach.

Good luck nominees – hopefully Gaga doesn’t rob someone more deserving again (K-Dunst forever)! How good would it be for The Weeknd to do something that his ex-future-father-in-law D-Bag Foster hasn’t been able to?!

Enjoy!

 

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Tim Rice Paper Rolls
Makes: 12.

Ingredients
500g chicken breast
1 lime, zested and juiced
2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
1 tbsp olive oil
1 cup wombok, finely shredded
1 small red capsicum, thinly sliced
1 carrot, grated
2 shallots, sliced
1 lebanese cucumber, cut into matchsticks
¼ cup mint leaves
¼ cup crushed peanuts
1 tsp fish sauce
1 tbsp sweet chilli sauce, plus extra, to serve
12 rice paper rounds

Method
Heat the oil in a non-stick frying pan over medium heat. Add the chicken breast, cooking for five minutes on each side or until cooked through. Remove from the heat and mix the garlic and lime juice through the still hot pan and stand to until it is cool enough to handle, then shred the meat.

Place the shredded chicken, lime zest, wombok, capsicum, carrot, shallots, cucumber, mint, nuts fish sauce and sweet chilli sauce into a large bowl aka everything excluding the wrappers, and mix to combine.

To assemble the rice paper rolls, soak a sheet of rice paper in warm water for 30 seconds, until it softens.

Place the rice paper onto a flat surface and place about ⅓ cup of the mixture halfway between the bottom and the centre, then turn up the bottom of the wrapper to cover the filling. Holding the filling in place, fold in the two sides, then roll up. Repeat until you’re out of wrappers. Any leftover filling goes alright as a salad.

Devour slathered in sriracha, hoisin or soy.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Panna Cotta Paquin

Dessert, Oscar Gold

Despite being trans-Tasman neighbours, it took us a while to meet and befriend Academy Award winner Anna Paquin.

Unlike most of our celebrity friends we connected with her as fans first, while we were visiting our friend/black-market plastic surgery patient Lil Kim on the set of She’s All That. During an altercation after Lil K found out we weren’t licensed plastic surgeons or you know, doctors, Anna swooped in like a mother-goose and hid us in her trailer.

To show our appreciation, we became her personal cooks during the course of filming and our relationship developed to the deep state of love we currently share and has seen us visit and bake her treats on all of her future sets.

Well except for True Blood after I was thrown out for repeatedly draping myself naked in Alexander Skarsgård’s trailer, car, house, bedroom, etc.

She was sweet about it though and to apologise for the awkwardness I made her a batch of Panna Cotta Paquins, which I whipped up yesterday while we discussed the minimal Aus-Zealand nominees this year and our shared hope that Boyhood prevails for Best Picture.

 

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The recipe is an adaptation of a Nigella classic (from Nigellissima) and is smooth, delicate and beautiful. Like Skarsgård…oh, Skarsy! Maybe Anna will be able to get through to him for me?

Enjoy, while I enjoy this.

 

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Panna Cotta Paquin
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
75ml milk
425ml double cream
50g raw caster sugar
1 vanilla pod
3g gelatine

Method
Combine milk, cream and sugar in a saucepan, stirring to ensure the sugar dissolves.

Slice the vanilla pod lengthways and scrape seeds out with a spoon or (carefully) with the tip of a knife. Stir seeds into the milk mixture and then add the emptied pod.

Heat the saucepan over low heat until it is just about the come to the boil (bubbles will form around the edge). Remove move heat, remove vanilla pod and empty half of the mixture into a heatproof jug or bowl.

Vigorously whisk in the gelatine (you could whisk less vigorously if you dissolve the gelatine in water but I can never be bothered and it never turns out poorly). Pour the liquid in the jug back into the saucepan, whisking as you go until it is all combined.

Pour the mixture evenly between 4 dariole moulds or ramekins and refrigerate until set.

Four hours seems to be enough for me, but Nigella suggests overnight and I would never argue with her!

Serve with fruit, berries, caramel or by itself, it doesn’t matter.

ParmiGeena Davis Meatball Poppers

Oscar Gold

It is a fact universally known that the greatest friends you can make, are those that you connect with during the darkest periods of your life and our dear, dear friend and Academy Award winner Geena Davis came to us in a time of deep personal turmoil.

We connected with Geens when she was studying for her role in Thelma and Louise. It is a little known fact that the final car chase is based on actual events.

Annelie and I had committed a crime that we don’t like to talk about (it was the basis for the plot of Ocean’s Eleven and we don’t talk about it because we hate Clooney); we were caught, were tailed by the police and drove into the Grand Canyon.

Geena was so understanding of our issues when she was trying to get into character that we have continued our friendship and even had her support when we were thrown off the set of Stuart Little during one of our foiled revenge plots against Jonathan Lipnicki.

Geens wanted to catch-up before the Oscars to talk about the rise of Patty Arquette and comeback of our mutual friend Keats (I was DeVito’s stunt/body double on Batman Returns) and we felt something warm and loving, like our ParmiGeena Davis Meatball Poppers, was appropriate.

 

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The gooey cheese is offset by the rich passata with a strong punch of the basil that makes the meatballs a perfect comfort food/first post-awards-season-dieting meal.

Well, if you don’t go to In’n’Out, obviously. Which you should.

Enjoy!

 

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ParmiGeena Davis Meatball Poppers
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
¾ cup breadcrumbs
1 cup fresh grated Parmesan cheese
3 garlic cloves, pressed
small onion, grated
2 Tbsp + 1 cup passata
½ Tbsp dried oregano seasoning
2 Tbsp fresh basil, chopped
2 Tbsp fresh parsley, chopped
½ tsp kosher salt
½ tsp fresh cracked black pepper
1 large egg, lightly beaten
1 cup shredded mozzarella

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C and line a baking sheet with baking paper.

Set aside 1 cup passata and the shredded mozzarella

In a large mixing bowl, combine all remaining ingredients. Mix well, do not over mix or you will have tough meatballs. Portion out meat mixture to desired size (about a tablespoon is good) and place on baking sheet. After all meatballs have been portioned roll into balls with wet hands.

Bake for 15-20 minutes until lightly browned.

Turn over meatballs and drizzle passata over each meatball and top with cheese.

Bake a further 2-3 minutes, or until cheese is golden brown and bubbly.

Gorge.

Heloumi Hunt Skewers

Oscar Gold

You always need a calming force following a catch-up with Cagey and there is no Academy Award Winner more calming than our dear friend, Helen Hunt.

We have known Helen since our time together working as Jami Gertz’s co-Assistants on the set of Twister, where Hells was the only person able to calm us down during our infighting to be Jami’s personal favourite and confidante.

It was a highly tumultuous period of our lives and the thought of sharing that honour was too much to handle and she was the only one brave enough to come between Annelie and I when we were throwing empty bottles at each other and ruining the other’s weaves.

Helen stuck with us during the years of court-ordered anger management, rehab and prison (following the Halle incident) and has become like a third Hollywood mother to us (she got us a role as Wilson’s assistant on Cast Away to get our feet back in the door, bless her).

To show our appreciation we made some Heloumi Hunt Skewers to enjoy while we discussed Julianne finally winning Best Actress. We don’t even have to pretend that won’t happen, right?

 

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The combination of charred vegetables and haloumi are amongst my favourite and with a splash of lemon the party moved from our hearts, to our mouths.

Enjoy!

 

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Heloumi Hunt Skewers
Serves: Hunger and ingredient dependent.

Ingredients
haloumi
zucchini
capsicum
cherry tomatoes
red onion
lemon wedges, to serve

Method
Cut all ingredients (except cherry tomatoes) into a roughly one centimetre dice…or you know, cherry tomato size.

Load skewers with ingredients piece by piece, alternating however you find aesthetically pleasing. I tend to start and finish with capsicum or haloumi as they act as an anchor to keep the skewers together.

Once all of the skewers are done, heat a large griddle or frying pan. Fry for a couple of minutes each side, season to taste and serve with lemon wedges.

Note: If you are using wooden/bamboo skewers, soak them in water for a couple of hours so that they don’t burn.

Nicolas Cajun Chicken Tenders

Oscar Gold

As far as Academy Award Winning dynasties go, the Coppola-Schwartzman-Cages are by far our favourite. We first integrated into the family after working as ghostwriters on the Nicolas Cage star vehicle (and grossly overlooked Best Adapted Screenplay contender) Valley Girl in the early eighties and have been considered members of the family ever since.

We also ghostwrote The Godfather trilogy, but that is another story for another time about another missed shot at Oscar Gold!

Nicolas dropped by unannounced, I assume as he sensed we would be celebrating the Oscars and he would want to help us find a way to move past our feud with the other great acting dynasty, the Shues.

As Nic, like us, is completely jane-o insane-o we decided it best to whip up something hot and spicy and see where the visit took us, so went with a batch of our Nicolas Cajun Chicken Tenders to discuss the Best Screenplay nominees.

 

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The heat and spice hits you straight up, but is mellowed out by a garnish of yoghurt, lime and sweat-lodge spooning with Cage.

Enjoy…we sure did!

 

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Nicholas Cajun Chicken Tenders
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp ground coriander
1 tsp sweet paprika
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp onion powder
1 tsp dried oregano
1 tsp dried thyme
½ tsp cayenne pepper
½ tsp ground black pepper
1 tbs vegetable oil (olive will do in a pinch)
1 tbs citrus juice (I prefer lime, but lemon would do)
2 chicken breasts
Lime wedges, sliced red chili and natural yoghurt, to serve

Method
Slice chicken breasts into long, 3cm strips to resemble a chicken tender.

Combine spices, herbs, oil and juice in a large enough bowl to marinate the chicken and place chicken in said bowl and coat. Cover with clingfilm and place in fridge for an hour or so to do the aforementioned marinating (Yes it is more of a spice rub, but whatever…I like to let my breasts stew).

Pre-heat oven to 180°C and remove chicken from fridge to come to room temperature for ten-fifteen minutes.

Spread chicken strips across a large lined baking tray and bake for roughly 20 minutes until golden and crisp.

Serve with lime wedges, chillies and yoghurt.

Or Lupita Nymang’o Salad.

Lupita Nymang’o Salad

Oscar Gold

While some of our closest friends have won Oscars, we thought it would be best to invite some of our newer friends to Oscar Gold as a kind gesture of support to solidify friendships.

Not as a desperate attempt to capitalise on Lupita’s It Girl status (thank you Benedick Cumberbitch)!

We first connected with Lupita while attending Yale, where Annelie’s dog Nigella studied Law with future President Hillary Rodham Clinton and we attended the journalism program/worked the Yale Daily News with our gal pals, Rory Gilmore and Paris Geller.

We befriended Lupita when she assisted us in breaking up a fight between Rory and Paris in Shake Shack and were front runners to attend the Oscars with her, before her jealous brother threw a tantrum and got us banned from the Awards.

As we missed out on being in the big selfie, we will never forgive him.

Lupita dropped by quickly to celebrate last year’s win before having to jet back to LA to present JK Sim…sorry, the Best Supporting Actor Award. As it is still quite hot here, we opted for the Lupita Nymang’o Salad we whipped up during our visit to catch-up on the 12 Years a Slave set.

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The sweetness of the mango countered the sharp acidity of the vinegar and lime and leaves you feeling more satisfied than we will on Sunday when Cumberbitch loses.

He knows what he did. Enjoy!

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Lupita Nymang’o Salad
Serves: 2-4.

Ingredients
1 ripe mango, cubed
1 avocado, halved, stone removed, peeled, diced
1 red capsicum, halved, deseeded, finely diced
½ red onion, finely diced
1 lebanese cucumber, diced
½ cup roughly chopped fresh mint
2 tablespoon fresh lime juice
2 tbsp balsamic vinegar
2 tbsp olive oil
Salt & freshly ground black pepper

Method
Combine juice, oil and vinegar in a small jug.

Combine everything else in a medium bowl.

Add dressing and season to taste.

This recipe is crazy basic.

I think you probably got that though, right?

Sean JalaPenn-o Poppers

Oscar Gold

To kick off Oscar Gold week, we thought it best to catch-up with two time winner and dear friend from our childhood trailer-park, Sean Penn.

After Jefferson-ing our way up and out of the park, we reconnected with Sean when we worked as Tom Cruise’s stilts on Risky Business and we’re inseparable for decades, with us playing a pivotal role in his charity work (slash community service, for us) in Haiti.

He is just the greatest and we would go as far as to call him our third favourite person that lives in a trailer. That is a huge deal.

Despite not having seen each other since we were thrown off the set of The Secret Life of Walter Mitty for stalking Kristen Wiig (we wanted her to be spokesmodel for our wig line), Sean was eager to drop by and park his motorhome in Annelie’s yard.

In honour of the feisty spirit of our friendship (and our mutual love of booze and booze related food), we decided to serve up a plate of Sean JalaPenn-o Poppers while we discussed this year’s winner odds (Best Actor may have an upset, according to our bookie).

Oh yeah, we also bonded over our love of blackmarket gambling.

 

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The cream cheese counteracts the heat of the  jalapeños, while the garlic and paprika add a subtle depth. Plus, there is bacon and bacon in glorious. Enjoy!

 

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Sean JalaPenn-o Poppers
Serves: 6…or 1? No judgement.

Ingredients
12 fresh jalapeños, cut across the top and deseeded
6 rashers streaky bacon, finely diced
250g cream cheese, softened to room temperature
1 clove garlic, crushed
½ tsp smoked paprika
1 cup flour
1 cup dry bread crumbs
1 egg, whisked
vegetable oil for frying, optional

Method
Fry bacon for 3-5 minutes or until lightly crisped. Leave to cool slightly.

In a medium bowl, mix cream cheese, garlic, paprika and cooled bacon.

One at a time, take a  jalapeño and spoon filling into the large end. Replace the tip and repeat until all of the  jalapeños are filled.

Refrigerate for 30 minutes.

In three separate bowls, place flour, breadcrumbs and egg. Take jalapeños and one at a time lightly score the skin before covering with flour, dipping them in the egg wash and coating them with the breadcrumbs. Repeat until complete and then refrigerate for a further 30 minutes.

You can either fry or bake the  jalapeños, I generally bake them as I am lazy / shouldn’t be trusted with hot oil. If baking, they take about fifteen minutes at 200°C. If frying, heat about an inch of oil in a large saucepan until it is hot. Then fry jalapeños one at a time until they are golden and crisp.