Survivor: Cambodia – Second Chance

Stephen Grilled Fishbach

Main, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

Ahhhh, Stephen. This year’s recipient of the humiliating, bumbling trombone-backed fool edit.

I have to admit, I was almost pleased to witness Stephen’s futile attempts at twig snapping, abysmal slingshotting and generally failing at everything around camp. This is because there is a rivalry that runs deep between us. You see, I had set up a complex pyramid scheme designed to grift Tocantins victor JT Thomas out of his million dollar prize. Again proving that he was the brains behind JT’s win, Fish saw right through my scam and stopped JT from investing in my 1800-PROBSTY telephone sex line.

In Second Chances, Stephen found himself a more glorious version of JT to lust after- he went full-on Single White Female and got a little bit lost in Joe’s beauty. Despite this, his strategy of taking out one of the major threats was sound. Perhaps if he’d spent less time being simultaneously painfully awkward and sexually aggressive (is that even possible?) he could have come through with the goods one way or another.

Well, that is if he didn’t get a violent case of the trots.

Fish, why do you keep trying to take what is rightfully ours?

Ben actually caused Fishy’s ‘gastro-intestinal distress’ by slipping a large quantity of laxatives into his water canteen. Yes, we were responsible for the glorious shit fountain and the ensuing ocean deuce. Hands off our man Fish – we don’t mess around when it comes to dreamy mcmansome Joe!

After Stephen’s explosive diarrhoea and not-so-covert aquadump was caught on camera by a helipoopter helicopter, we thought he might want a meal slightly more gentle on that fraught tum-tum of his.

 

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The Stephen Grilled Fishbach is healthy and light without being bland. Served with coleslaw, this fibre-packed meal is guaranteed to cork up even the most ghastly case of brown thunder down under.

 

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Stephen Grilled Fishbach
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
4 x 150-200g reef fish fillets, scales and bones removed
4 tablespoons plain flour
2 lemons, cut into wedges
Salt and Pepper

Slaw
½ head red cabbage
½ head white cabbage
2 carrots
½ bunch celery
2 granny smith apples
1 small red onion
½ cup greek yoghurt
4 tablespoons whole egg mayonnaise
2 teaspoons apple cider vinegar

Method
Shred carrots, cabbages, apples and onion. Finely chop celery. Combine in a large bowl.

Whisk together mayonnaise, yoghurt and cider vinegar and mix through slaw mix. Refrigerate 1-2 hours for best flavour.

When ready to serve, season the flour with salt and pepper and dredge fish. In a hot oiled pan, grill fish fillets, in batches, until cooked through. Serve with lemon wedges and slaw.

Ciera Beesting

Cake, Dessert, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance, Sweets

It was truly sad to see Ciera idoled out of Survivor: Second Chances. Despite living very different lives (us being super famous and high profile, Ciera never making the final three and therefore being irrelevant), we have always wanted her in our inner circle because, despite her failures, she is a total badass.

You see, we have all disappointed Ciera’s mother/Survivor alumnus Laura Morett through our various types of bad-assery. Ciera made one of the ballsiest moves in Survivor history voting Laura out. Naturally, Laura was pissed but had plenty of admiration for her daughter’s ambitious gameplay.

Rather than voting Laura out, I have never let her in to our highly sought-after inner circle. Recently, Laura attempted to persuade canine political expert and Hilary Clinton advisor Nigella Martha Rodham Hailes (also known as our resident Cavalier King Charles Spaniel) into managing her campaign for Oregon House District 20. Sadly Nigella was busy preparing for Battletoads 2, so it wasn’t to be. Obviously, my constant smack talk about Laura after last year’s amaretti scandal may have influenced this. What kind of monster restricts people to two cookies at a time?

 

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I digress. It is Ciera we are here to comfort on her arrival to Ponderosa. What will provide her some much-needed comfort to ponderova (get it?) where it all went so wrong?

 

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Ciera Beesting
Serves 12

Ingredients
Brioche
¼ cup whole milk
1 tablespoon honey
2 teaspoons active dry yeast
2 large eggs, lightly beaten
1 ¾ cup plain flour
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
½ teaspoon salt
½ cup unsalted butter, at room temperature

Almond topping
½ cup honey
¼ cup brown sugar
½ cup salted butter
¾ cup sliced almonds

Pastry cream filling
1¼ cups milk
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract or vanilla bean paste
3 large egg yolks
¼ cup caster sugar
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons cornflour

Method
In a small saucepan, combine milk and honey and gently heat until just warm. Pour into the bowl of the stand mixer with dough hook attached, add yeast and allow to bloom.

Once yeast has bloomed, add flour, eggs, salt, sugar and butter. Knead with dough attachment until elastic. Cover and allow to rise for 1 hour.

Once proved, butter and line a medium size springform pan. Gently deflate the dough and then add to springform, stretching dough to fill the base of the pan. Allow to rise again for 20 minutes. Preheat oven to 180C.

While dough is proving for the second time, make the almond topping. In a small saucepan, combine honey, butter and brown sugar and stir until combined. Add almonds and pour over risen brioche dough.

Bake in oven for 22-25 minutes or until top springs back and almonds are golden. Leave to cool while you make the pastry cream.

For pastry cream, combine sugar and egg yolks in a medium bowl. Sift in the plain flour and corn flour and gently whisk until mixture is a smooth paste.

In a saucepan, combine milk and vanilla until simmering. Remove from the heat and gently add into the egg/sugar mixture, whisking constantly to temper eggs.

Once all combined, pour back into saucepan and cook over low heat, stirring constantly, until thick.

Once pastry cream is complete, gently split cake with a serrated knife. Place base  back in springform tin, top with pastry cream and then with top of cake. Refrigerate at least 2 hours before serving.

 

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Kelly Piglesworth In Blankets

Main, Party Food, Side, Snack, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

Kelly, Kelly, Kelly – we barely knew thee!

While Kelly Wiglesworth was the poster-child for the concept of the entire Second Chances  season, it has widely been noted that after the first episode she disappeared – ladies and gentlemen that is because, we are 63% sure, she did.

You see, being out on location we were privy to a lot of behind the scenes content and rumours and there were definitely times when it appeared Wiggity was replaced by a hologram or a cardboard cut-out, so that she could practice yoga and avoid fielding Probsty’s questions.

We first met our dear friend Wiggity in Mexico, when we were at an exclusive health retreat (aka rehab). Wigs was the Rafting Activities Director of the retreat and fell for us because opposites attract (she loved our animated stair dancing too).

She was living far of the grid at the time, and still is, but found our passion for technological interconnectedness intriguing, arousing and mildly terrifying – our passionate devotion to her as the first, first-loser of Survivor probably helped the bond a little too.

Despite having what felt like one confessional during the entire nine episodes, Kelly will always be a star to us … despite forming a very close bond with our future lover, Joe. As an aside, how glorious was Joe’s shower scene?

Anyway, we were thrilled she was away from our man, but sad that once again she failed to join the winner’s circle – thankfully we had our Kelly Piglesworth in Blankets to cheer us up (slash soak up the alcohol from Kass and Savage’s continuing bender)

 

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We’ve always been honest about our love of trashy, tasty food and our Piglesworth in Blankets definitely fit the bill – pillowy, cheesy dough, hugging a sausage? Delicious. Not dignified, but delicious.

It makes me miss Joe …

Enjoy!

 

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Kelly Piglesworth in Blankets
Makes: 48 … which is enough for one disinterested castaway who got their torch snuffed for the first time after 15 years on the bench and two boozey co-jurors that are falling in love.

Ingredients
2 ½ cups plain flour
5 tsp baking powder
1 heaped tsp salt
2 tbsp grated Parmesan
1 cup milk
1 egg
3 tablespoons olive oil
48 pork chipolatas
1 egg whisked with a dash of milk, to glaze

Method
Preheat the oven to 200°C.

Place 2 cups of flour in a bowl with the salt and parmesan, combining with a fork. Beat the milk, egg and oil to combine and add to the dry ingredients, mixing as you go. Trust your gut, if the dough seems dry, add more milk, too wet, add more flour.

Split the dough into two pieces. Roll one on a lightly floured surface to make a 5mm thick rectangle. Cut the dough into 5cm-ish strips and then each strip into 7cm(again ish) lengths.

Working a chipolata at a time, wrap the dough around the sausage, squeezing the overlap together to complete the sausage-snuggie and place on a lined baking sheet. Repeat the process until the dough is gone, roll out the second sheet of dough, slice it up and repeat the wrapping.

You’ll probably need two large baking sheets.

Using a pastry brush, glaze the dough; place them in the oven and bake for 12 to 15 minutes.

Remove from the oven, leave to cool for ten/fifteen minutes and then devour … preferably with wine, Kass, Savage and a cut-out/hologram of Wiggy.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

(Oh and hi Reddit, we love you – particularly /u/Shuberto, this is for you)

Butterscotch PecAndrew Savage Cake

Cake, Dessert, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance, Sweets

Well that was a pleasant little surprise on last night’s episode!

I mean, yes, we are friends with Savage (closer to frenemies) via his Pearl Islands cast-mate and two-time champ Sandra Diaz-Twine, there is nothing we love more than a delightful blindside. Particularly when it involves an idol blindsiding the entire tribe and poor Lil’ Fish, sexy-pants Joe and our favourite Unholy Trinity, Abi, Ciera and Kelley surviving another round.

Let’s not beat around my bush here, Andrew Savage was ropable when he greeted the Queen of Ponderosa and us after his weigh in; shouting expletives about those damn twists that just won’t let him win and how his perfect life, complete with wife, past legal career with Playboy and copious amounts of the money, is now ruined.

Thankfully, Annelie and I knew how to help break him out of his funk and dressed up as Skinny Ryan and Lil and challenged him to a cage-fight to work through him anger.

Once he was calmed, Savage was philosophical about the whole experience; understanding the importance of not everything going his way and feeling remorse for the way he flipped off Abi after she so thoughtfully pointed out he had bettered his place since the Pearl Islands and made the jury.

While he was sad that he will no longer be able to witness Joe’s balls move, and then move a little more resulting in Keith being solid and Joe’s (and probably Probst) having tight forearms, he was thrilled to be attending all future tribals, particularly after a stomach full of our Butterscotch PecAndrew Savage Cake.

 

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This little number is a tweaked version of a Martha Stewart cake that is so rich, decadent and firmly upper-middle class and judgemental of anything different, that we knew it was the perfect pick-me-up for Andy Pandy.

Enjoy!

 

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Butterscotch PecAndrew Savage Cake
Serves: 10-12. Or a ropeable bootee, a Queen of Ponderosa and two crazies dressed as Ryan Shoulders and Lil.

Ingredients
Cake
3 ¾  cups plain flour
1 ¼  tsp baking powder
¾  tsp baking soda
2 ½  tsp salt
285g unsalted butter, softened
2 ½ cups muscovado sugar
4 large eggs, room temperature
20ml pure vanilla extract
1 ¼ tsp dark rum
1 ¼ cups buttermilk, room temperature

Icing
345g butter, 115g left as a block, 230g cut into small pieces, softened
2 cups muscovado sugar
1 cup double cream
½ tsp salt
570g cream cheese, softened
½ cup icing sugar, sifted

Butterscotch
⅔ cup muscovado sugar
85g butter, cut into pieces
150g raw caster sugar
30ml water
¼ tsp coarse salt
½ cup double cream
2 cups pecan halves, toasted and chopped, plus more halves for garnish

Method
Preheat oven to 160C. Grease three 20cm pans and line the base with baking paper.

In a medium bowl, whisk the flour, baking powder and soda, and salt.

In a large bowl, beat the butter and muscovado sugar using a stand mixer on medium-high speed until pale and fluffy. This is roughly 6 minutes. One at a time, beat in the eggs, beating well after each addition,followed by the vanilla and the rum.

Add half of the flour mixture, removing the paddle to mix through lest you want a massive flour massacre sprayed against your walls, put it back in the stand mixture and put on low before slowly adding half of the buttermilk. Repeat the process with the remaining flour and buttermilk. Increase the speed to medium-high, and beat for a further 2 minutes to completely combine.

Split the batter among the three pans and bake until golden brown and an inserted skewer comes out clean, about 30-40 minutes. Transfer to wire racks, and let cool slightly before turning the cakes out and cooling completely. Emphasis on completely.

While the cakes are cooling, start on the icing by melting the block/chunk of butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat until golden brown, about 8 minutes. Add the muscovado sugar, cream and salt, stirring until sugar is completely dissolved. Bring to the boil, whisking constantly, and cook for 3 minutes. Transfer to a large mixing bowl and leave to cool. If you’re in a rush, pop it in the fridge for twenty minutes, stirring half way through, to help the process along.

Put the bowl in the stand mixer on low speed, add the cubed butter, a few pieces at a time, and beat on low until incorporated. Increase to medium, and beat for 2 minutes. In another bowl, beat the cream cheese and icing sugar on medium-high until fluffy and smooth, about 3 minutes. Don’t over-beat or the cream cheese will go soft. Add brown-butter mixture to cream cheese, and beat on medium speed until smooth. Cover, and refrigerate until chilled, about 4 hours.

To make the butterscotch, mix the sugars, water, butter and salt in a small saucepan over medium heat, and cook, stirring, until the sugar dissolves. Bring to the boil and cook for a further 2 minutes. Remove from the heat and whisk in the cream before returning to the heat for a further 2 minutes. Leave to cool slightly while you prep the cakes.

Trim the top off two of the cakes and both the top and bottom of third (for the middle) to create flat, absorbent surfaces.

Take the butterscotch and brush about 100ml of the butterscotch on each cut side. Leave to cool.

Remove the icing from the fridge and spread 1 cup of icing on the butterscotch side of the base layer. Place the middle, double-sauced layer on top. Spread 1 cup of icing on the middle layer, then place the final layer on top, sauce side down. Spread 1 cup icing on the top and sides and refrigerate until firm, at least 2 hours (or it may get melty…like the pictures because of the Cambodian heat.

Using a spatula, spread remaining icing (or less, it makes stacks and lets be honest, those offcuts aren’t going to eat themselves so may need some leftover sauce/icing to entice you), on the top and sides of cake. Press chopped pecans on sides and garnish top with halves. Refrigerate for a further 4 hours and devour.

On plates, or as per Probst’s suggestion, on Savage’s naked body. Kass, surprisingly, Annelie and I went for plate option.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Kass McChickllen

Main, Party Food, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

Oy vey – why oh why did we have to lose our dear, sweet Chaos Kass?

We’ve been friends with the breakout Cagayan star slash villain turned Second Chances hero since our old law school days. Kass was a shy, retiring type in college so we took her under our wings and became her unwanted life coaches.

While our advice generally resulted in lawsuits against her rather, she remembered we were Survivor super fans when she was cast in Cagayan and re-enlisted our services due to our cut-throat, callous and heavily deranged behaviour where we coached her to third place.

We would have gotten her the win (using a combination of bribes and sexual favours on our part), if it wasn’t for that meddling kid, our (now) friend, Woo.

Kass came into Cambodia with arguably the biggest target on her back but was able to woo (no pun intended) people to her side with her truly kind and loving nature – thankfully she avoided tribal for such a long time that she was able to connect with everyone!

As usual, the merge episode was complete and utter bedlam with alliances shifting and people trying to find their place to secure their path to the final tribal however this season instead of targeting the biggest, physical threats the two smallest women were the targets.

Obviously because they were the two smartest players left. Oh and I’m guessing that has something to do with the fact that Spencer desperately wants to swing with Joe? I don’t usually like Spencer, however I have to admire his exquisite taste in men – and I mean, the thirst is real, so why would anyone target our current bae?

So while Kind/Kumbaya/Kalm Kass made her exit to Ponderosa, she was buoyed by the fact that she was able improve upon her placement from her last season to become the Queen of the Jury, rather than the last loser on the jury. You just know that called for a jubilantly, sorrowful Kass McChickllen.

 

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This is may come as a shock to you, but this recipe is an homage to the famous burger from our friend Bozo the Bush and his Golden Arches … and a pretty good one at that.

Spicy, sweet, lovely and a little bit naughty this is everything our dear Kass brings to the game and more – thankfully we get to enjoy her for the rest of the season, giving Eliza Orlins sass from the loser’s bench. We can dream, right?

While we are dreaming, can we have Third time’s the Charm greenlit yet? You can even just send this cast back out again, I don’t mind!

Enjoy!

 

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Kass McChickllen
Serves: 4

Ingredients
500g chicken mince
1 egg
1 cup water
1 cup plain flour
2 tsp salt
1 tsp onion powder
¼ tsp ground black pepper
⅛ tsp garlic powder
4 sesame seed hamburger buns
iceberg lettuce, chopped
vegetable oil, for “shallow” frying

Sauce
60ml mayonnaise
⅛ tsp onion powder

Method
Place the chicken mince in a large bowl and season generously with salt and pepper. Divide into four patties and place in the fridge to set for at least an hour. While you’re refrigerating things, combine the sauce ingredients and refrigerate until needed.

Beat the egg and stir with the water in a large, shallow bowl and combine the flour, salt, pepper, onion powder and garlic powder in a second bowl.

Grab the patties out of the fridge and coat each with the flour mixture, remove and dredge each filet in the egg mixture, before coating in the flour mix again. Place in a freezer bag and freeze for an hour.

Remove and repeat the flour and dredging process again and leave to rest for about ten minutes.

Heat a generous lug of oil in a large frying pan, I mean crazy generous but not enough to technically consider it shallow frying as you know it scares me. Cook the patties for about 5-6 minutes per side, or until light brown and crispy. As the chicken is frying, toast the buns in a second, smaller frying pan.

To build the burgers, coat each side of the bun with some of the special (but not that … or indeed that, special) sauce, whack a good handful of lettuce on the base of the bun and top with the hot pattie.

Devour and be thankful that Kass is still with us on TV.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Stew Hwang

Main, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

When Woo Hwang was selected for a second chance, I was skeptical. He  made undeniably one of the worst final two picks in Survivor history, costing himself the million dollar win. Tony Vlachos, the winner of the season, was also massively unlikeable. So what does that say about our friend Woo? Nothing good, I’m afraid.

Naturally, watching Woo’s BvBvB failure was not the first time we’d crossed paths. Woo was auditioning with Ben and I for a lifetime backed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles telemovie. While Ben was flaunting his assets for the role of April, Woo was gunning for Leonardo. In a massive twist of fate, the casting agent was so impressed with Woo he snagged the role of April AND Splinter (Ben’s second choice) right out from underneath him. As you can imagine, there is a very long suffering grudge between the two.

To see Woo fail was massively rewarding in his first season, but I was really gunning for him in Cambodia. Despite not being one of my personal returnee choices, he seemed to really grow a backbone out there, even at the risk of copping an Abi-Maria coconut to the head.

How can we best comfort Woo for being voted out too soon?

 

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The Stew Hwang is the ultimate in sweet spicy comfort food. Slow cooked to tender perfection and served by the generous bowlful, this is the perfect non-alcoholic way to drown your sorrows.

 

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Stew Hwang
Serves: 8

Ingredients
1kg lean topside of beef, diced into 1-inch cubes
100g streaky bacon or lardons, roughly chopped
1 large brown onion, diced
4 small cloves garlic, crushed
2 cups red wine
3/4 cup plum jam
2 tablespoons minced chilli
2 400g cans diced tomatoes
2 cups beef stock
4 sprigs rosemary

Method
Preheat oven to 140°C. In a large cast iron Dutch oven, brown diced beef in batches and set aside.

In the same pan, brown lardons and onion until soft and aromatic. Add garlic and red wine and allow to simmer for five minutes or until liquid is reduced by a third.

Add jam, tomatoes, stock, chilli and rosemary. Cover with tight fitting lid and bake in oven for up to four hours, stirring hourly, until meat is very tender. Cook for final 30 minutes uncovered so sauce can reduce.

Serve with warm toasted bread or mashed potatoes.

 

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Cherry Deitz Pie

Dessert, Pie, Snack, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance, Sweets

OK guys, we have to start by saying this week’s episode was pretty tragic and was an absolutely horrible way for our dear friend Terry Deitz to leave the game.

A game he waited close to ten years to return for.

As you would’ve seen, Probst woke up Deitz with any sane person’s dream line “hey, it’s me Probst” (albeit clothed and not looking for intimacy), to advise Terry that his son was in hospital needing a heart transplant. While the story has a happy ending, in that his son has had a successful transplant and is doing well, the agony that Terry must have been feeling during his journey home was something we knew that even our cooking could not fix.

With that in mind, we got out our time machine and whipped up the pie before the season started and swore Tez to secrecy with the lie that production wanted him well fed and to succeed. Being kind and naive enough to ignore the historical proof of our duplicitous behaviour, he bought it.

We’ve known Terry a long time, having met while he was in the Navy, after Annelie and I decided during a bender that we needed to find ourselves strapping men in uniform. While I took the term ‘in the navy’ too literally for general liking, Terry saw us for the lost kids that we were and helped us become the people we are today.

Just imagine how much worse we could have been.

As Survivor’s Captain America, there was no other option than our Cherry Deitz Pie for his pre-game, retconned boot party. Between the tragic way his Second Chance came to an end and Varner just being amazing, we can expect Third Chance pretty soon, right?

 

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The tartness of the cherry and acid of the lemon work together to make a pie is sharp and sweet all at once. The irony being, you can’t stop at one piece.

Join us tomorrow when we hang with our friend (who became our nemesis and then friend again) and latest boot, Woo – enjoy!

 

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Cherry Deitz Pie
Serves: 8-10.

Ingredients
2 ½ cups plain flour, plus extra for rolling out the dough
1 tsp salt
1 tsp sugar
225g cold unsalted butter, diced
½ cup ice water
1kg cherries, pitted and halved
½ cup raw caster sugar
2 tbsp tapioca flour
2 tbsp fresh lemon juice
1 large egg, beaten
1 tbsp raw sugar

Method
Combine flour, salt, and sugar in a large bowl. Add butter and using your fingers, rub the butter with the flour until it resembles breadcrumbs/wet sand.

Add in half the cold water and combine; you want the dough to be crumbly aka short but to hold together when squeezed. If it is still dry, add water a few tablespoons at a time until it reaches the right consistency.

Split the dough in half and form into roughly 2cm discs. Wrap in cling wrap and refrigerate for about an hour. Preheat oven to 190°C.

On a floured bench, roll out a disc of dough (leave the second one in the fridge) under non-stick paper until about 3mm thick. Carefully place the dough into a 22cm pie dish, fitting into the bottom and sides without stretching the dough. Trim the dough, leaving about a 3cm overhang and place in the fridge while you prepare the filling.

Combine cherries, caster sugar, tapioca flour and lemon juice in a large bowl, stirring to coat the cherries. Remove the dish from the oven and fill with the cherry mixture.

Take the remaining disc of dough out of the fridge and repeat the rolling out process. When done, slice into long, 3cm wide strips. Carefully weave the strips over the filling to form a lattice (like with the Fiona Apple Pie), leaving about a centimetre of overhang at each end. Fold the edge of the pie over the ends of the lattice and crimp with a fork around the edge, discarding any excess pastry.

Brush the top with beaten egg and sprinkle with the raw sugar. Bake for about an hour until the pastry is crisp and golden and the filling is bubbling, reducing the heat until 160°C after about 40 minutes.

Remove from oven and allow to cool for a few hours before devouring.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Monica Padilla Thai

Main, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

While we were sad for Monica’s premature exit from second chances, it is always good to be in the company of kindred spirits.

Unsurprisingly, Monica and I both rely heavily on our exceptional looks and charm to get by in life. In our younger years, we went head to head in a college flirt-off. While Monica was shimmying, winking and pouting her way into the hearts and minds of many, my attempts were mistaken for an out-of-control epileptic episode.

While Monica may have won many years ago, I’ve been refining my technique in order to score the ultimate prize – Jeff McDreamy Dreamboat. Every post-second chances exit meal shared with our friends is another step closer to the Holy Probst (well unless Spencer’s experience being on the bottom gets in the way)! It is also a chance to bathe in the delicious irony that her love of the clam was ultimately her undoing.

How can we ensure Monica doesn’t win the great race to Probsty’s heart?  Carbs!

 

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The Monica Padilla Thai offers a delicious, spicy kick, comfortingly swaddled in an enormous pile of rice noodles.

 

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Monica Padilla Thai
Serves: 4

Ingredients
200g dried flat rice noodles
400g chicken breast, thinly sliced
2 eggs, beaten
100g bean sprouts
2 cloves minced garlic
2 tablespoons fish sauce
2 tablespoons sugar
1 tablespoon sesame oil
Juice of 1 lime
2 shallots, thinly sliced
1 red chilli, thinly sliced
Roasted chopped peanuts, to garnish

Method
Cook rice noodles as per packet directions and drain. Set aside.

In a hot pan, pour beaten eggs and cook until firm. Remove from pan and chop into small pieces.

Add chicken to the hot pan and stirfry until cooked through. Add garlic, fish sauce, lime juice, half of chilli, sesame oil and sugar and cook until combined.

Add noodles, egg and beansprouts and toss through chicken mixture. Serve garnished with chilli, shallots and roasted peanuts.

 

We are so social and so technologically advanced we have gone nuts on the social medias. You should follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Jeff Grand Varnier Mousse

Dessert, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance, Sweets

Over the span of four episodes Jeff Varner has been dominating the game and setting the tone of the season however that two-bit floozy slash my Survivor nemesis Tasha (she cock-blocked my attempts to woo Joe pre-game) was able to wrangle Abi for two successive votes and boot out our dear friend and biggest non-idol-owning-or-person-named-Joe threat, Varner.

We have been friends with Varner for a long time, having met during the filming of Survivor: The Australian Outback where Annelie flew plane in the opening and I supplied Kel with my beef jerky. Much to Probst’s chagrin (we were not friends yet) we loitered around Ponderosa and joined the pre-jury trip where we bonded with Jeff over our mutual hatred for Colby (he had stolen Probst’s heart, obviously).

There was a brief stint following All Stars where we lost contact (we may have leaked spoilers AND blamed it on Varner) however we reconnected while working for Martha Stewert … where Annelie and I had nothing to do with her jail sentence. Trust us and please buy it, Martha can’t know anything.

Varner really took the fan vote to heart and turned up in Cambodia to play hard and reward everyone for his votes and even in an episode with Probsty’s wet dream, aka the DILFs glistening in underwear challenge, Varner was a star, battling hard in his final tribal council and walking into our open arms in Ponderosa with his head held high.

We tried to send a bug flying into Tasha during tribal to force a medivac but sadly it was Varner we were entertaining at Loser Lodge with a big vat of our Jeff Grand Varnier Mousse; well, what Probst left us – he wandered out of the kitchen repeating his commentary from the DILF challenge, Dietz, big and long, it will take some experimenting (hopefully we can join whatever he has planned).

 

Jeff Grand Varnier Mousse_1

 

Like Varner’s short stint on the island, the mousse packs a punch with the Grand Marnier cutting through the velvety dark chocolate to woo even the staunchest of Jaffa critics over to the choc-orange side.

Enjoy – like we will when Varner gets his inevitable third chance!

 

Jeff Grand Varnier Mousse_2

 

Jeff Grand Varnier Mousse
Serves: 6(ish).

Ingredients
6 eggs, at room temperature
350g (at least) 70% dark chocolate, preferably Valrhona
75g butter, cold
75g sugar
a good dash of Grand Marnier
a pinch of cream of tartar

Method
Separate the eggs, I prefer by hand for some visceral reason about connecting with your food however do it the easiest way you know, placing the yolks in a small bowl to the side and the whites in a large clean, dry bowl for a stand mixer.

Leave the eggs just hanging out on the bench and get to work melting the chocolate using a double boiler method (aka large bowl over boiling water – just make sure to avoid the bowl touching the water or it may cook rather than melt). Once the chocolate has melted, remove it from the heat and stir in the cold butter. Once the butter is fully combined, add a good dash (about a 2 tbsp, depending ultimately on how much orange flavour you want) Grand Marnier and 4 of the egg yolks. Leave to cool slightly.

Start beating the egg whites on medium in a stand mixer, adding the sugar and a pinch of cream of tartar the egg whites when they start to foam and continue to beat the until they form stiff peaks. Add in the two remaining egg yolks and beat until combined.

When the chocolate cream has cooled slightly, fold through the egg whites in three goes, gently folding through each addition. Spoon the mousse into cups/serving dishes – I went with ceramic mugs and espresso cups –  and refrigerate overnight.

Devour and enjoy, with or without what Probst has planned with his share.

 

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Peih-Gee Lawsagne

Main, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

Poor sweet, scrappy Peih-Gee – just when she felt safe, our dear friend Abi-Maria (we met after getting kicked out of the same anger management course) flipped the game and orchestrated her blindside.

Let this be a warning to all of the remaining players, do not cross the Brazilian beauty … she will boot you!

We first met our (other) dear friend Peih-Gee while working as back-up dancers during Madonna’s performance at the 1998 MTV Music Awards (where I once again displayed twerking to the masses before Miley did). A fast bond was formed upon discovering that she was heiress to a jewellery dynasty, hoping she would go full Patty Hearst and help us rob the family business following a period of brainwashing.

While that didn’t happen, on account of her superior morals and strong will, she was kind enough to keep us blinged out with her superior jewellery designs.

Going into Second Chance, we felt that Peeg (as her closest friends call her) was well placed to succeed being a lone representative from a middle season however sadly our little firecracker Abi took an immediate dislike to our pocket rocket and she was doomed to join our other (loser) friends on the pre-jury vacay while we hung out in Ponderosa with their more successful peers.

While she was bummed to go out early, she was more than ready to leave the desolate Angkor beach and devour a hearty slice of our famed and noted Peih-Gee Lawsagne.

 

Peih-Gee Lawsagne_1

 

We first made her the Lawsagne while squatting at her San Franciscan home whilst Annelie was trying to destroy George Lucas for taking away her first love Mark Hamill and I was developing my Castro based, soon to be green-lit Andy Dick Broadway musical Little Whorphan Andy (Harvey Fierstein, give me a call).

Peeg had just returned from her crushing defeat in China (could you imagine how great a Peih-Gee / Courtney finals would have been?) to discover that we had sold most of her possessions and trashed her house – the only thing we could do to apologise, was feed her our delicious, delicious comfort food.

Enjoy!

 

Peih-Gee Lawsagne_2

 

Peih-Gee Lawsagne
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
500g chicken mince
1 cup Toni Basil pesto
1 cup green peas
400g ricotta cheese
1 egg
3/4 cup Parmesan
1/2 cup mozzarella
2 cups passata
1/2 cup cream
8-12 fresh lasagne sheets

Method
Heat a large saute pan and cook chicken mince until browned all over. Add cup of peas, cup of pesto and 1/2 cup of water. Cover and simmer for 5 minutes, or until peas are cooked.

While the chicken is cooking, mix together ricotta, egg, 1/4 cup Parmesan and season with salt and pepper. In another bowl, mix passata and cream.

Preheat oven to 180C. In a rectangular baking dish, spread 1/3 of passata mixture. Lay out lasagne sheets and top with a thin layer of ricotta mixture and chicken, and roll up from the short end. Place on top of passata mixture. Continue until all filling and lasagne sheets are used.

Top roll-ups with remaining sauce and sprinkle with remaining Parmesan and mozzarella. Bake for 35 minutes, or until lasagne noodles are soft enough to eat.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.