Grown Ups 2

Andy Sambergers

Main, Party Food, Snack

Given the fact we both have dark, curly hair and well, that is it (but hey, it was enough to get me the job as his body-double), my torrid love affair with Andy Samberg is the closest I’ve ever come to twincest but that isn’t the greatest thing our love bore – Dick in a Box.

Originally co-written as a celebratory post-coital jam Dick in a Box, in the previous timeline, would have gone on to be a gay anthem that we likely would have submitted to Eurovision to be sung by Engelbert Humperdinck in the UK. Instead, I had to give up our love affair when travelling back in time but knew that the world needed that song so dropped hints for Andy to include a different version during his time on SNL.

While Andy sometimes doesn’t believe our past affair in the alternate timeline, we have always been close friends and collaborators with him insisting my personality inspired the best aspects of both Jake Peralta and Gina Linetti on his current hit show, Brooklyn Nine Nine.

Being close friends with his wife in this timeline (I taught her harp and encouraged Melbourne to use her song for their infamous ad), I always try and catch up with the first couple I ever married when I get the chance. Don’t tell them I’m not actually allowed to officiate marriages, I wanted to keep my options with Andy open …

Sadly Jo was out of town – how strange that Andy forgot to mention that tidbit – so it was just a good old fashioned sausage fest. While our ideas of a good old fashioned sausage fest differ greatly, I was able to whip up a batch of my Andy Sambergers to get us off for us to enjoy.

 

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Sweet, soft round buns with a thick piece of hot, spicy meat covered in a nice creamy load of bernaise, you’d be forgiven for thinking we were in the OG timeline but with onions.

I would explain to you the laws of our time-travel but I need to go cool myself down – enjoy!

 

andy-sambergers-2

 

Andy Sambergers
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
750g good quality beef mince
1 cup flat-leaf parsley, chopped
2 tbsp capers
1 tbsp hot pickled peppers, chopped
2 cloves garlic
salt
black pepper
3 large onions, sliced
3 tbsp butter
dijon mustard
Briocher Bünsberg
Tomatoni Braxton Relish
Bernadaise Peters

Method
Place parsley, capers, peppers and garlic in a food processor and blitz to create a rough paste. Add to a large bowl with the beef mince and a good whack of salt and pepper. Mix together and form into 6-8 evenly sized patties, place on a plate lined with cling, cover and refrigerate for an hour or so.

While they are sitting in their juices and becoming delightful, get to work on the onions. Place a medium saucepan over low heat and melt butter until it starts to foam before adding the onions. Cook slowly until soft, caramelised and sweet … or about half an hour. Turn off, cover and leave to rest.

Once the onions are sweet and glorious, heat a large griddle over high heat. When it is nice and hot, toast the halved buns and remove to serving plates. Reduce the temperature to low and brush with oil before added all of the patties. Cook for a few minutes either side until they’re at the desired ‘doneness’, making sure you only flip them once.

Now to get building, smear some dijon on the top of the bun and spread a generous dollop of relish on the bottom. Top with some caramelised onion, then the patty and top with some fresh Bernie.

Lucky I’d conveniently caught up with the whole gang recently!

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Brooklyn Nine-Fine

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

What the what are we doing posting our week’s schedule a day late, you ask?!

For those who may have been living under a rock, yesterday was the most wonderful day of the year, Oscar Day, and as such, I was muy muy busy, co-hosting the red carpet for E, Bravo, ABC, Retirement Living and four other networks while attending as a major Hollywood A-lister’s date, seat-filling AND live blogging the whole thing for you, and was unable to post this week’s tease as planned.

Never fear! I am back to work with a killer hangover to let you know that I am catching up with my dear friend Andy Samberg before I jet back to Australia.

I first connected with Andy in the early teenies when I was doing a lot of work as a body double, on account of my low-esteem and desire to be adored in place of famous people. During this time an up and comer called Andy Samberg crossed the ditch to headline a series called Cuckoo and a beautiful friendship began.

Through the use of time-travel, I went back to 2005 and gave him pointers to avoid pissing off Lorne Michaels at the SNL auditions and thus, this timeline was born and I saved him from a failed career and savage cocaine addiction. See, I’m not that horrible! I do make positive contributions to society!

What says how do we fix the egregious striking of you name from last year’s Best Original Song nominee, Everything is Awesome?

Picture source: Unknown.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Chris Rocky Road

Dessert, Snack, Sweets

Despite all of his pre-show panic and nerves, Chris is going to do such a great job hosting next weekend – he barely even needed me to tart up his script and makes the jokes punchier! He will perfectly balance the important political message of equality with humour and heart … but I’m giving too much away.

Chris and I have always had a very hands-on but not in the way you’d expect from me relationship, standing together during the good times and the bad and helping each other whenever the other is in a personal, professional or spiritual pickle.

I spent the early 90s enjoying life as part of his entourage at 30 Rock while he was on SNL – it was pre-Lorne’s ban – before encouraging him to focus on his fledgling movie career with such hits as the shockingly Oscar-snubbed Sgt. Bilko.

We were kept apart for a decade or so by geography with my many stints in rehab and prison, but that never lessened our bond and when catching-up it is always like no time has passed.

With important work to do finalising his script, I knew there was only one thing to do – make him his favourite Chris Rocky Road.

 

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As I rule, I grew up hating rocky road as jelly was foul and pink marshmallows confused me – I also thought it was spelt Rocklea Road and that angered me. I was, obviously, thrown into a fit of rage when once Chris requested some in the SNL writers room until he explained both the correct spelling and that pink marshmallows can just be binned.

With that I got to work combining all of our favourite things, peanut butter, pretzels and chocolate and the sweet, salty and ultimately glorious Chris Rocky Road was born.

Enjoy!

 

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Chris Rocky Road
Makes: 24 large chunks.

Ingredients
100g peanut butter chips
250g dark chocolate
150g milk chocolate
175g soft butter
60ml golden syrup
200g pretzels
150g peanuts
150g freeze-dried strawberries, roughly chopped
100g white marshmallows, chopped
icing sugar, for dusting

Method
Place peanut butter chips in the freezer.

Melt the dark and milk chocolate with the butter and syrup in a heavy bottomed saucepan over a low heat.

Place the pretzels in a freezer bag and bash them with a rolling pin to get a variety of sized pieces.

Empty into a large bowl with the peanuts, strawberries and marshmallows. Take the pan of the heat and mix the chocolate through to combine. Remove the peanut butter chips from the freezer and mix through.

Tip the mix into a lined square baking tray, smoothing it as much as possible. Place in the fridge until firm enough to set and cut, a couple of hours.

Place on a plate, dust with icing sugar and devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Everybody hates Chris

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Much has been made of the annual #OscarsSoWhite campaign with many of my dear friends missing out on nominations, Will Smith not included – he broke my heart in the 80s when he ended our engagement knows what he did.

Thankfully the great Cheryl Boone Isaacs had the good sense to ignore the overwhelmingly privileged white, middle-aged men that dominate the membership (also, thanks for working to correct the imbalance, Chez) and hire my dear friend and confidante Chris Rock for this year’s hosting gig.

Chris and I first connected in New York in the 80s when we were both being mentored by Eddie Murphy. While I spent more time honing my suggestive outfits rather than my craft – I wanted Eddie to marry me, obviously – Chris was always destined to be a star.

With Chris busy prepping for his role hosting Hollywood’s night of nights, he gave me a buzz to come over and provide him with some much needed moral support (and assistance writing jokes).

What will give us energy to brainstorm while saying break a leg but not literally as it would be in poor taste for me to turn up impersonating you in blackface as a replacement host? Even I know that is not funny or appropriate!

Picture source: George Pimentel / WireImage.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.