Maraschino Cherry

Shirley Tempelli Harris

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Titans V Rebels, Drink, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor the Titans were way ahead in the immunity challenge before Jaden Jaden-ed, scoring goal after goal to guarantee the Rebels’ safety. The OG Titans and Kirby’s alliance quickly locked in a plan to split the votes on Feras and Aileen at tribal council, so had a relatively calm afternoon. Sadly for them, at tribal council, JLP unveiled a twist where the tribe would compete in another challenge, with the first three to finish scoring their votes and immunity. Aileen, Kirby and Feras won the challenge, meaning the duo on the outs were now in control. Winna desperately tried to lure the votes to him, so he could idol someone out with Kirby’s vote. Sadly not realising Feras and Aileen could and did split, leading to Charles going home on a revote, keeping King Ray on the screen.

Which again, is v. Shonee coded.

We checked in with the Rebels the next day where Jaden was showing off the island fashions he had woven and was being an all around delight. Even better, he knew it, loving that everyone just thinks he is a charmer and as such, aren’t taking him seriously as a threat. Which for someone that athletic, is a magical win. Back at the Titans, Raymond sacrificed Charles’ socks to the fire and while all the OG Rebels were having a good old laugh. Valeria wasn’t so happy, disappointed that one of their numbers went home. Though grateful Kirby stayed loyal to them and as such, was confident she could ride the remaining numbers to merge. And while they were kinda off Feras, they were more against Aileen as she was too much of a flipper. Aileen caught up with Valeria, Winna and Kirby who continued to berate her for voting with Feras, questioning why she didn’t do exactly what they wanted and play their game, rather than her own. Essentially. Which is just, ugh, TBH.

The Rebels tribe were far more harmonious as they played charades and were all just vibing. Eden was grateful to be in the majority of the tribe and while that was good, he also knew it was time to start thinking a few steps ahead. Mark caught up with Caroline and Kitty to reiterate that he wants to reconcile, and debated the merits of keeping Ri or Alex. With the girls incorrectly suggesting keeping Ri was a good idea, so they can align with her allies, rather than having a free agent in Alex. Caroline and Kitty caught up with Ri, who was busy pointing out that Mark is too much of a threat and would hook back up with Winna and Valeria come the merge, and as such, he needs to go ASAP. And of course Ri is going to orchestrate someone’s exit. Though I guess this time was at least deliberate, rather than her doing something dumb, so that is a win.

My love JLP made his triumphant return for the immunity challenge where the tribes would hold onto ropes over a pyramid, with the last ones standing jagging immunity. Everyone survived phase one with two footholds, so after ten minutes, they moved higher up the pyramid, using a single foothold. This still wasn’t difficult, so at the twenty minute mark, they moved to the top without a foothold. And almost instantly, everyone started to struggle. Mark was first to drop, followed by Caroline and Kirby, the first out from the Titans. Raymond was next to go, followed by Jaden, Winna, Eden, Valeria and Scott, leaving Kelli and Aileen fighting for Titans, against Alex, Kitty and Rianna for the Rebels. Sweat cost Alex his place, followed by Kelli, leaving Aileen battling alone at the 45 minute mark. After an hour and twenty minutes, JLP got bored, so made them go down to a single hand with Kitty and Rianna playing a relaxed approach, while Aileen knotted herself amongst the rope. Which was all it took, as Kitty and Rianna dropped, handing Titans immunity and Aileen the status of challenge beast of the season.

Back at camp Mark was confident the Middle Aged Mafia would hold firm at tribal council, simply needing to pick who goes out of Alex or Rianna. They all caught up by the well, locking in a split between Rianna and Alex, with Alex the ultimate target. Instead of going to loop in Jaden, Caroline and Kitty found Rianna and pledged their loyalty to each other before locking the vote in on Mark, to ensure they can spin the Viola vote however they want. They split up, with Rianna going to share the plan for Jaden and Alex, which honestly seems sloppy, as she is terrible, but she managed not to stuff it up.Yet.

Mark meanwhile was feeling good, grateful that the Middle Aged Mafia were back together and ready to get rid of one of the Rebels. Mark conveniently was involved in most conversations, so the Titans started to get confused about what their real and fake plans were, with things getting a little bit awkward as they caught up in the shelter and Mark started to point out how they kept changing things up. Caroline and Eden caught up, with him confused why they were turning on Mark, so Caroline flip-flopped back to getting them to vote out Alex. While poor sweet Jaden just chuckled along, confused about what in the hell was going on. Though he did rock suspiciously clean hair and clothes in the confessional.

At tribal council Kitty spoke about how they have successfully healed relationships, while Eden spoke about how they have always been playing, despite a nice break from attending tribal council. Mark admitted he was grateful for the time away, and hopeful it let things breathe so they could come up with a solid alliance heading into the merge. Caroline spoke about finding the right time to solidify alliances and making moves, while Alex admitted he is nervous each and every tribal council. While Jaden started whispering with Mark and Kitty, still not sure who he was voting for. This made Mark nervous, as the OG Rebels grew paranoid about what in the hell was going on, before Caroline started whispering to Rianna to let her know that Alex was the target.

Well, that is until JLP announced that the tribal council would play out a little differently tonight. Instead, all names that land in the urn would be at risk of switching over to the Titans. One by one everyone will vote and every name in the urn would then have to draw rocks and the one to draw blue joining the Titans. Everyone split up to start whispering again, with the OG Titans deciding they should load all their votes on Alex given he has less alliances over there. Eden spoke up, pointing out that making the wrong choice could really set someone up for success by solidifying a power alliance. Caroline urged them to stick to the plan, while Kitty admitted that she has no interest in bouncing back to the other side, given life is sweet over here, while Rianna knew she was sweet either way. Alex spoke about being open to flip, given they are a clearly tight five and he is likely to be booted if they go back to tribal. While Mark just worried where Alex’s single vote could land, as Caroline panicked to Eden that Mark is the only person they can’t have going to the Titans.

With that the tribe voted, split between Alex and Rianna, with Alex heading out to join the Titans. Being reunited with his bestie Kelli, which is just so sweet, isn’t it! Presumably there was no screaming like Kelli as he arrived, so we checked in with the Titans the next day as everyone talked about being surprised to see him. Kelli joked that she thought it was a nightmare with their banter quickly turning into an argument and oh god, how I have missed their sexual tension. They then moved on to Kelli lecturing about people finding conflict with trying to rationalise death, as Alex tried to zen through it. Kelli shared it was her son’s 18th birthday, rallying the tribe to celebrate him as she spoke through tears about how much she loves him. And her dog, who is also turning one that day. The tribe then placed flowers in the water for them, which was sweet, as Feras tried not to laugh. Which wasn’t as sweet.

Feras and Raymond pulled Alex aside to give him a tour of the camp, and quickly locked him in as a number for their side. While they were away, Kirby looped in her allies, knowing Alex was a lost cause, so instead threw out idea of getting rid of Raymond. Which thankfully pissed off Kelli, who was not willing to eliminate someone that supported her from day one. Kirby and Valeria tried to talk her through their plans, asking her to think beyond a single tribal council to see the bigger picture. Which made her angrier, given she doesn’t have a relationship with Winna and Val, and it is her son’s birthday. She asked to speak privately with Kirby, cussing her out for getting too close to the Titans and not wanting to budge on saving Raymond. Going so far as to point out the other alliance is growing stronger, implying a flip is afoot.

The tribes reunited with JLP for the latest reward challenge where they wouldn’t compete at all, and instead, all be able to sit down for some food and dranks. Or get a scroll with specific directions to the location of an idol at each camp. Obviously Aileen, Feras and Alex all went for scrolls at Titans, while Rianna, Mark and Eden opted in at Rebels, immediately bouncing from the site. The, I want to say victors, sat down at the table to start smashing their feast, grateful to have some sustenance. Everyone was hugging and introducing themselves, high on snacks and vibing. Well, except for Valeria, who immediately got to work questioning Caroline and Kitty about what happened to Viola. And while Caroline pretended she just played too hard, Kitty was a little more honest and as such, Valeria knew it was bullshit. And vowed to get them out ASAP.

We checked in with the Rebels where they all split up to hunt for the idol, which Rianna quickly snatched as the boys scaled the tree. Which is obviously the worst case scenario for poor Mark, who I am rooting for over Ri, given her decisions are always bad. And smug Kirby isn’t very fun, TBH. Speaking of the current queen of the Titans, she was thrilled to be making new friends and feasting, given she is in control and doesn’t need the idol. Her words. As she watched over everything going on, she spotted Kelli whispering to Kitty about the current state of play on the Titans tribe. Straight up telling Kitty to go for Kirby if she goes home, given she is the one calling the shots. Switching over to those not calling the shots, Feras, Alex and Aileen started hunting for the idol with the former immediately spotting it. Leaving it for the other two to grab, given it is a very public idol and he didn’t want to be a target because of it. Sadly for him, Alex and Aileen just couldn’t see it, until he spoon fed them the idol and let Alex claim it.

Everyone came together for the next immunity challenge where, in the ocean, they would race to collect three balls and land them in baskets, while the other tribe ran interference. Round one saw Mark and Rianna face off against Kirby and Feras, with the duos tying things up at two before doing fierce battle until the Rebels finally scored. And then Ri quickly told Kirby she has the idol. Next was a one on one between Kitty and Aileen, if you could call it that, as Kitty dominated and jagged another point for the Rebels. Winna and Raymond then faced off against Jaden and Mark, which was essentially just Mark shooting hoops and scoring immunity for the Rebels, as Jaden took his sons for a swim.

Back at camp, Kirby was ready to take a shot on Kelli, given her chaos has finally started to impact her game as well as the rest of the tribes. First stop was talking to Scott and Feras, with the latter pointing out Alex got the idol. And to reward the honesty, Scott threw out that they desperately want Kelli out as she is a mess. Particularly since they are going to face off against serious gamers at the merge, making Kirby finally realise that they need to work together. Everyone locked in the plan to get rid of Kelli while Raymond played babysitter. After he let her run free, she started to worry that there is potential for a blindside, so got to work hunting for an idol. She then looped him in, essentially telling him he owes her and requested he hunts for an idol for her. Thankfully, once she left,  he opted to just sit down in the jungle and relax a little.

With everyone finally feeling cohesive, Kirby decided it was time to Kirby, and create chaos with a little flip. She pulled the OG Titans aside to tell them they need to make Alex and Feras nervous enough to play their idols, while still loading all their votes on Kelli to send her home. Just to help lessen their threat moving forward. Winna and Scott were then sent to start confusing Feras, making him feel like the simple vote is just a cover. So he split off to spy on them to try and get to the bottom of it. Though given how confident everyone is about the idols being flushed, I am hopeful it bombs. Like, it isn’t the mastermind move they are making out, ok? Aileen caught up with Feras to encourage him to hold on to his idol, though his nerves only appeared to get worse and worse. He went to go find Raymond to help calm himself, as Feras spoke about being sure something was afoot. As King Ray assured him he has heard nothing. While sitting alone in the jungle. Feras then went to Alex, not wanting to play his idol, as Alex tried to rationalise that it is worth the risk to hold onto it. 

At tribal council Kirby spoke about taking up the chance for food because she was starving, and a public idol makes for a public target. Feras spoke about how an extra day is always more powerful, despite missing the chance to make new friends. Alex spoke about how chaotic things were back at camp, and how he intended to play the idol to be here in the morning. Feras shared he felt there were too many unnecessary chats happening around camp and as he wasn’t sure what they were about, he was nervous. Kirby continued to sow chaos, making both the boys nervous and ugh, she is going to pull this off, isn’t she? Kelli meanwhile started to talk about how she ended her alliance as she was sick of following along with things and didn’t want to lose a friend. This fired up Valeria, who called her out for throwing them under the bus at the feast, pointing out that that is why she is now the target. As Valeria scoffed at the prospect of Kelli being strategic, given she is chaos.

Kirby pointed out that Kelli’s behaviour at the lunch is what put her on the outs, while Kelli countered she had already removed herself from the alliance, so it doesn’t matter. As Valeria and Kirby grew more and more sassy. While Alex was just glad to see somebody else coming for Kelli. With that the tribe voted, both boys held on to their idols – pissing off Kirby enough to get her nice and shady with Kelli, telling her Alex would never play an idol for her, when she asked – and Kelli was unanimously sent home. Well, eventually, after forgetting her torch, announcing she is a psychologist and then missing the exit. No joke.

As she arrived at Loser Lodge, I pulled Kelli in for a massive hug, thanking her for single-handedly bringing the drama and chaos to the pre-merge. And for defying expectations to give us four weeks of her majesty. Kelli being Kelli, she pointed out my speedo tan – which TBH, is my fault, I was wearing it at night in a kitchen – before we had a good laugh about all the excitement she brought to the game. As it slowly became clear, Kelli was doing what Phillip Sheppard should have, playing annoying and silly to make it to the end, before outing herself as a mastermind. And while that still may not have worked, I counter the Tobias vote proved she knew what she was doing. Which was a word for word quote from my toast, over a Shirley Tempelli Harris.

What a Shirley Temple lacks in liquor, Kelli and I make up for with unlimited energy which is prone to annoying people. This sweet little number is a fresh little burst that can get you through the darkest of days, like knowing Kelli just missed the merge. Which would have been even more iconic for our icon.

Enjoy!

Shirley Tempelli Harris
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
ice
150ml ginger ale, plus extra to top
30ml lime juice
15ml grenadine
1 maraschino cherry, to garnish

Method
Fill a glass with ice, and top with the ginger ale and lime juice. Slowly add the grenadine and garnish with the maraschino cherry before topping with extra ginger ale.

Down and repeat, depending on thirst.


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Karla Cruz Godoy Rogers

Drink, Survivor, Survivor 43, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the top six faced off for reward where Owen led himself, Karla and Cody to victory for a much needed pep in the form of coffee and pastries. Sadly for them, while enjoying said spoils, the losers were back at camp where Gabler was calmly pointing out both Cassidy and Jesse need to take out their closest allies if they want a shot at winning. After Cassidy took out immunity, it became a battle for the duo to make their allies the target. The initial plan revolved around getting Karla out by lulling her into holding on to her idol, though eventually it landed on Jesse playing Cody’s idol to spook Karla into burning hers while everyone else blindsided Cody himself. Which happened and was oh so brutal. But oh so glorious to watch.

The next day Jesse was still thrilled that his plan went perfectly, blindsiding Cody and flushing Karla’s idol in a delightful show for the jury. That being said, he and the rest of the final five awoke on a new beach and had to start everything from scratch and well, that is just exhausting. So win some and lose some, I guess. Gabler was confident in his chances of taking out the win given he has been hiding in plain sight all season. Owen was shocked to have made it to the end, despite starting on the absolute bottom and being blindsided over and over. Jesse knew he now had a massive target on his back, while Cassidy was proud of having voted perfectly all game, though knew that she needed a big move to take out victory. While Karla was just grateful to still be alive given her body is straight up shutting down. But trust, our Queen is ready to FIGHT.

As the final five hunted for food in the jungle, they stumbled upon a clue each for the final advantage. They would have to unscramble words for directions to the phrase, with Cassidy just focused on making sure that Karla is not the one to get it given booting her will be her big move. Jesse meanwhile knew nobody intended to take him to the end and as such, was just as desperate. Despite Owen whipping through the phrase, Karla was the first to solve it and ran off to find it. Sadly for her, he ended up hot on her trail and overtook her as she limped to the rocks, before realising it had to be hidden in a tree. As the other trio struggled with the phrase, Karla and Owen hunted through trees with Queen Karla snatching it just ahead of Owen. Like, by a matter of centimetres.

Which obviously pissed him off. Karla meanwhile was obviously giddy as she learnt that the advantage would give her a leg up in the next immunity challenge. And given she is so beat up, this is an advantage she truly needs.

Right on cue Jeffrey appeared for said immunity challenge where the final five would race a buoy through a series of obstacles before walking blocks over a balance beam between two rods and then solve a word puzzle. Oh and in addition to immunity, they would get an epic steak reward. And since Karla won the advantage, she would only have to carry two thirds of her blocks to the puzzle table which is arguably a huge advantage, not a slight one. Everyone was neck and neck with the buoy, with Jesse slowly falling out of the challenge. Owen took a slight lead as the girls nipped at his heels as Jesse worked to close the gap. The balance beam proved to be the great equaliser, making Karla’s advantage all the more powerful as everyone raced to solve the word puzzle. Despite Karla thinking she had the phrase, it proved wrong allowing Owen enough time to step in and jag himself immunity.

As is tradition, Owen was given the power to take someone on reward with him, selecting Cassidy with zero hesitation as the other trio sadly returned to camp. But first, at the Sanctuary Owen and Cassidy were delighted to see a massive plate of food with Owen thrilled to have a guaranteed place in the final four. The duo started to talk through who would be the better person to eliminate tonight, given both Karla and Jesse are major threats, though they couldn’t really land on who was the most important to get out now. Owen felt like Jesse’s move at the previous tribal council made him unbeatable, while Cassidy was concerned about Karla’s ability to talk her way out of trouble. And say, into a million dollars. Plus Cassidy, like Mrs. Loomis, loves some good old fashioned revenge on people coming for her, so Karla would be her preference.

Back at camp Gabler – who the victors felt had no shot at final tribal council – was disappointed that Owen didn’t take him on reward, particularly since he was so damn fatigued. Karla and Jesse meanwhile were busy trying to figure out a way to avoid going out due to their threat levels, with Karla suggesting they loop in Gabler to get rid of Cassidy instead. Sadly for Jesse – or Karla, TBH – Karla actually was coming for Jesse after the Cody move and as such, wanted to lull him into a false sense of security. While Gabler wanted to stick with Cassidy and Owen, given he is fairly confident he would be able to beat them at the final tribal council. Begging the question, is he going to beat them at the final tribal council?

Owen and Cassidy returned to camp with Karla quickly pushing the importance of them banding together to get rid of Jesse first. While Owen was convinced, when it came to Cassidy she fought back as Karla explained how much better a game Jesse has played and how he will destroy her. Oh and then when that didn’t work, she straight up threatened Cassidy with smearing her name to the jury and guaranteeing she doesn’t win. Enraged, Cassidy pulled Jesse aside to tell him that Karla had been throwing his name out all afternoon and while he wanted to stick with the majority, his head told him that Cassidy was a bigger threat in the final immunity challenge. And that could cost him.

At tribal council Jesse spoke about the importance of throwing other people under the bus to reduce their threat level, specifically throwing out Karla’s name. She then pointed out that the last tribal council proves just why everyone needs to get rid of him. He then gagged literally everyone by announcing that none of it matters to him, given he is also immune since he is currently in possession of Jeanine’s idol. After Owen confirmed it looked legit, Karla immediately pivoted to suggesting getting rid of Cassidy and Gabler are also options. Cassidy downplayed it as nothing but a last ditch attempt, until Jesse and Karla got up to talk about another big move they could pull off. Eventually everyone was up and whispering as Karla pretended to not be coming for Cassidy, though when everyone sat back down, she admitted she knew Karla was still coming for her. While Gabler was just confused about which of the plans going around made the most sense.

With that the tribe voted and despite the theatrics of tribal council, Jesse stood firm and played the idol on himself as the tribe banded together to eliminate Queen Karla in fifth place. As she made her way to Ponderosa she was a little disappointed, though mainly just proud of how well she played and how much of a threat she had become. And while that threat level is what cost her, it totally guarantees her a second shot at the game and once I reminded her of that, she was positively joyous. Though maybe she just loves a Karla Cruz Godoy Rogers.

Yeah yeah, a Roy Rogers doesn’t have alcohol but it has all the sugar, which is sometimes better. Sweet cola mixed with joyous cherry-esque – despite the fact grenadine is pomegranate – flavour? Sign. Me. Up.

Enjoy!

Karla Cruz Godoy Rogers
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
90ml grenadine
600ml cola
2-4 maraschino cherries, to garnish

Method
Divide the grenadine between two tall glasses and fill them with ice. Top with cola, stir and then garnish with a cherry or two.

Then down, obviously.


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Maxi Shiely Temple

Drink, RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under, RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under 1, TV, TV Recap

Previously on RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under the queens found themselves creating and marketing their very own yeasty spreads. Which really exemplifies why people don’t understand the attraction of any and all of the -mites. I mean, who even says, mmm, yeast! That being said Elektra somehow managed to make hers seem appealing, as she slayed the game and proved her doubters – aka Scarlet – wrong. At the other end of the pack, Ru expected more from Maxi while Etcetera went too far but wasn’t funny enough. As such, Elektra earnt her first victory while Maxi and Etcetera battled to survive with the iconic Etcetera going home.

Backstage the queens honoured the delight that is Etcetera, with Maxi admitting that she knew she had to pull out every damn trick she had if she wanted to compete with the whippersnapper. Scarlet was shocked to land high, while Karen from Finance was frustrated that beyond week one, she has been flatlining through the competition. Art tried to perk her up and say that she has a name to live up to, while some of the others don’t have a reputation that the judges are holding them against. Oh and speaking of no name – allegedly – Elektra was feeling her oats and agreed that she far and away had the best commercial. Which led to Art pointing out that they all packed what the packed, so the rest of the competition is going to be what it is. Elektra kikied with Kita and willed a double elimination to get rid of some more Aussies. Oh and she’d love one of them to be Scarlet.

But wouldn’t we all.

The next day the queens were feeling far more friendly, talking about their general horniness and how they’d love a Mini Challenge featuring 100 pit crew members pulling down their pants. Which, same. After briefly trying to set up the revirginized Art and Kita as a lovely drag power couple, they were interrupted by Aunt or Auntie Donna and I don’t actually know who they are, but work. More importantly, Ru arrived and proved Karen is part psychic, wheeling out ten gorgeous men with the queens needing to guess what animal the men are packing in their pouches. In any event, I want all ten of them and my basement is no longer just flooded, there is a tsunami and I’m sorry to all the things that will suffer water damage for the rest of their lives. 

I’m not sure if anyone could actually be bothered counting, but Maxi took out victory.

And she didn’t just win a gift card, she also got to pair the queens with their makeover partners from the New Zealand Falcons aka the gay rubgy team of abbsolute zaddies. Again, all six can do whatever they want to me. Maxi first paired Karen with someone that looked pretty similar to her, which she also did for Elektra, Art, Kita and herself, leaving Scarlet with the biggest uphill battle. Though they could pass as a mother and daughter, I guess?

Kita quickly got to work charming her partner, while Scarlet’s partner was adorably excited to try drag for the first time. Karen’s partner had dabbled with his mum’s shoes, Art’s had worn lippy and Maxi quickly realised she had actually picked the biggest battle for herself, despite their resemblance. And oh God, please don’t let it be that storyline where the one that chooses the pairs goes home. Oh and Elektra and her newest family member need to start dating and open an Only Fans – see, I’m cool – because I love them. We then had a montage and while only Elektra’s zaddy could rock a heel, I think this proves rugby players are near perfection. Which, at this point, is all we should care about. Oh and we then learnt that Kita and Scarlet’s partners are dating and damn, why don’t they do an Only Fans while I’m suggesting businesses.

I guess I should talk about the challenge rather than my erotic fan-fiction, so Scarlet and Art were shady about queens not making outfits for their new family members. Though Scarlet felt Art’s custom outfit wasn’t very custom, so was including her in the shade.

Elimination Day rolled around, with Elektra’s daughter worried about having to share the limelight before Maxi finally got confirmation that she would be shaving off her sister’s beard and damn, when it went they’ve got the family resemblance on lock. Elektra and her daughter were bonding over their lives, with him sharing how as a Pacific Islander man he has been taught to try and present as straight and as such, this is so liberating for him to participate and firmly embrace all the colours of the rainbow. Swoon. Meanwhile Art was not sure that Kita was doing enough to take out a win, despite the fact Kita knows that she needs to step out and prove herself. And thankfully, her daughter is ready to take out the win for her.

Karen had half done her sister’s make-up when she realised that Art is only focusing on herself, rather than getting her sister prepped. Scarlet meanwhile was trying to learn her partner’s bone structure, while Elektra was finishing up and teaching her sister as she went. While Art continued to wait for her sister’s eyebrows to dry. Apparently.

Ru, Michelle and Rhys were riding solo for the mainstage runway presentation, with Kita and Feta Mean looking like a Cruella black and white delight as Feta lived her best life. Elektra Shock and ReRe Action were space-age stunning,  Maxi Shield and Cilla Wet were dressed as jellyfish and well, it wasn’t great. Art and Craft Simone rocked Priscilla chic and were totally gorgeous, Scarlet and Sapphire were slutty, sexy showgirls but tragically didn’t do the wagon wheel watusi. Karen was joined by Debbie from reception and it was damn glorious.

Kita and Feta received universal praise for their makeover and the fact they gave all of the personality. Elektra meanwhile was read for filth by Michelle, but loved by Rhys. Maxi was praised for bringing the fun, though read for literally everything else. Art was read for the lack of family resemblance, despite them both looking absolutely stunning. Scarlet was praised for being cute, despite her clearly focusing on herself, rather than her sister. Though she got lucky by how damn charming Sapphire is. And despite them all hating the thick glasses, Karen and her sister were praised for the look while Ru wasn’t sure about how much of a transformation Karen produced.

Backstage the queens and their daughter/sisters/I can’t keep it consistent untucked, with Karen leading a toast to all the iconic rugby players. Art and her sister continued to be funny and charming, before Scarlet spun things around to who would be in the top and bottom. Everyone agreed Kita would be in the top, while Karen assumed she would be there with her and the rest would be in the bottom. Since Elektra was read for make-up, Maxi was read for lacking detail, Scarlet was read for being basic – lol – and Art for not bringing family resemblance.

Back on the runway, as if it were in any doubt, Kita took out her first, very well-earned victory of the competition, while Art and Karen were sent to safety. The bottom three nervously awaited their fates, before Scarlet’s track-record couldn’t even save her as she was forced to battle it out against Maxi, as Elektra was sent to safety. The. Gag.

Anyway, from the moment Kylie’s Better the Devil You Know started, Scarlet kicked straight into dancing diva mode, as Maxi stuck with her hilarious and charming approach. While Maxi lived her best life, Scarlet proceeded to strip and sell sex, which sadly proved to be enough as Maxi was robbed on her way out the door. Much to my bitter rage and disappointment.

I pulled Maxi as close to me as her breast plate would allow and hissed into her ear how wrong her elimination was and that she deserved to stay. But being the absolute delight, she had a quick chuckle, told me to calm my farm and get to work chatting. After I bequeath her a Maxi Shiely Temple, that is.

Maxi and I grew up in the ‘80s pubs, living our best lives on a cheeky pink lemonade and climbing trees set over tables while no adults supervised. It was a wonderful time to be Australian. Now that we’re adults, we like to add a bit of vodka to the mix but that doesn’t change the fact that these spiked Shirley Temples aren’t nostalgic AF.

Enjoy!

Maxi Shiely Temple
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
ice
1 tbsp grenadine
1-2 shots of vodka
lemonade, to top
maraschino cherries, to garnish

Method
Fill the glass with ice. Top with grenadine, vodka and lemonade.

Stir. Add a maraschino cherry or two. And down. Like the damn icon herself.


As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

The Blacaforenast Cake

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Drag Race España, Drag Race España 1, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

While it feels like a nearly weekly occurrence since the start of the pandemic, the establishing shots of a new Werk Room fill me with so much joy. Particularly when they’re as bright and fun as our newest iteration to join the franchise, Drag Race España. 

Side note, remember when there was such a time as off season? Gagged.

But anyway, on to what you’re waiting for! We first met Arantxa Castilla La Mancha in full technicolour delight and given she is a passionate fan of Hannah Montana, I live for literally everything she stands for. Particularly since she has such a fun and stupid energy. She was joined by Sagittaria who looked like Else and Aquaria’s baby, though I’m fairly certain that is the point. Next up was Hugáceo Crujiente who looked like a work of bloody art – complete with frame – and I live for everything about her weird artsy vibes. Carmen Farala arrived serving muscle Joslyn Fox with a Jersey tan and Teresa Guidice’s wig and I hate how flooded my basement got. 

Oh and please note, her name is Farala not Farala – just to get the pronunciation correct. 

Pupi Poisson yodelled her way into the Werk Room and my heart and already, I know she is an icon. As well as Arantxa’s auntie and the most charming, shady queen in the bunch. Killer Queen was up next serving superhero realness and is a literal doctor, so I’m ready to get married because she is stunning. But then I’d need to keep Dovima Nurmi as a side piece as he is hot and in drag, a sexy vamp. Oh and she has a history with Sagittaria that didn’t end well, but they chose to hang out in the Werk Room because it is always better the devil you know. You know?

Inti made an iconic entry in all red, carrying your dad’s underwear and I live. Particularly since she has such a cool vibe which hits the exact Indigenous futuristic notes she is wanting too. Drag Vulcano looked like a glamorous, warrior porcupine and could choke me out of drag. And rounding out the cast is The Macarena who is just so delightfully positive, camp and wacky, so she too has me absolutely living. Particularly since she arrived with a tupperware container of pork rinds and some vegan snacks if the queens were that way inclined.

Their getting to know you was interrupted by Supremme de Luxe, welcoming her queens to the competition and introducing the dolls to the first two members of the oversized, gorgeous Pit Crew as they were challenged to a photoshoot while riding a mechanical bull. Last in was first up as The Macarena kissed the bull and fell off immediately before serving glamour in the pillowed floor. Sagittaria fought to stay on before getting into a rhythm and serving pure sex. Dovima was awkward, Inti was one with the bull (and was lucky enough to have long enough legs to keep them firmly on the ground). Carmen popped her balls, and that is enough to snatch the win in my eyes. Pupi had the time of her damn life, Killer Queen wisley needed the Pit Crew to ‘assist’ mounting the bull, Hugáceo was thrown around like a ragdoll and Vulcano shockingly didn’t pop the air mats with her headpiece, which Arantxa desperately needed as she ungraciously flipped around the arena. While having the best time, obviously. Ultimately Supremme is as big a fan of balls as I am, handing Carmen victory before dismissing the girls to de-drag.

As the queens removed their entry looks, we learnt that Dovima superglued stuff to her face while Sagittaria just completely got naked in the background. The dolls were gagged by Arantxa’s boy look while we uncomfortably watched The Macarena seemingly give birth while removing her tucking tape. Back with Arantxa we learned that she doesn’t tuck and instead uses an intricate system of tight panties, while Macarena was having a deep and meaningful with Inti and Vulcano about how she used to be very self-conscious but learnt to love herself and now lives for being naked. 

And well, let’s just say I love all the queens already.

Supreme returned to the Werk Room with some more of the Pit Crew to announce that this week’s Maxi Challenge would required the girls to serve glamour using wagons of trash and as Carmen won the mini challenge, she would be able to pick her box of trash before the rest of the queens fought it out for theirs. Quite literally. More importantly we learnt that Killer Queen only runs for drag and buffets and honestly, I feel we connect on a deep level.

The queens split up to start prepping their looks with everyone playing around with their junk, while Killer Queen straight up whipped out the sewing machine and immediately started assembling her outfit like a damn icon. Supremme arrived to talk to the less organised dolls, with Carmen talking about how confused she is about everything and is struggling to even think, overwhelmed by having to  make an outfit in front of fashion designer Ana Locking. Sagittaria was hiding her nerves a bit better, while Dovima was straight up stressed. Until they started talking about their fight over a man and damn, I need all the details immediately.

Día de Eliminación arrived with the queens all upbeat despite the fact one of them would be going home by the end of the day. Macarena was hoping to just not to shit her pants before they were distracted with talk about plastic surgery – shading Carmen as the most silicone of the group. Macarena shared that they identify as non-binary, with Arantxa, Hugaceo and Inti shared that they too are non-binary. Carmen spoke about making dolls out of random objects as a child, Inti shared their mum identified them as an artist, rather than queer while Sagittaria and Hugacaeo shared touching stories about their mothers too. And well, Macarena ran her mouth a lot, much to Carmen’s chagrin. Oh and Pupi was going the Monet route and covering her shows in sponges, knowing that her look is definitely going to be a mess. And Sagittaria, Hugaceo and Arntxxa were kikiing, with the latter admitting that she has already learnt the lip sync, unsure whether she should trust her instincts with the look she pulled together.

Supreme was joined by Ana Locking, Javiers Ambrossi and Calvo and guest judge and my dream boyfriend, Jon Kortarjaren for the first runway de España. Inti slayed in a monochromatic drape number with pink and purple tassels around her hair. Arantxa was a bright, mod delight complete with bubble guns. Hugaceo was breathtaking in a blue and white gown with her face blending into the fabric of her look. Killer Queen was pretty, floral perfection, with an ode to Marie Antoinette. Sagittaria was breathtaking in a gown of black balls and hoops, serving space age sexbomb. The Macarena was a bright confectionary delight with a flamingo nesting on her shoulder. And carrying a rubber ducky just because. Dovima was a black and green furry sea creature bondage dream. Pupi Poisson was a hot mess with her cleaning products look, but her polish and humour on the runway was charming. Carmen once again looked full woman, ready for a casual lunch with the cast of RHONJ down by the Shore. While Drag Vulcano was a shimmering silver delight in a bodysuit with pinwheel flower embellishments.

Drag Vulcano, Arantxa, Killer Queen and Inti were sent to safety before the judges gushed about everything that Hugaceo did, with Ana in particular living for her fashion aesthetic. Sagittaria too received universal praise before the judges read Macarena for being a little basic and unfinished. Dovima was read for her runway walk, with Jon reminding her to not go so far that she ends up making her life too hard. Pupi was praised for turning up on the show given her legacy, though the judges didn’t like anything about her outfit. Oh and Carmen too received universal praise, with the judges loving her energy.

Backstage the safe queens celebrated not being the first boot before trying to guess who would be joining Carmen in the top. Inti suggested that Macarena would be joining her while Killer felt Pupi would definitely be at the bottom. But as you know, we’re all bottoms. The other dolls joined them with Hugaceo suggesting Carmen will win, while Pupi acknowledged she’d be in the bottom, as did Dovima. For not being able to get out of her head. And then Macarena gagged the girls by pointing out that she is probably in the bottom too.

Ultimately Carmen was sent to safety, handing Hugaceo the first win of the season to their adorable delight. Sagittaria was deemed safe before Supremme gagged us all by saving Pupi, leaving Macarena to battle Dovima to I Will Survive but not that I will Survive. The Monica Naranjo version. In any event, both of the queens immediately felt every lyric and worked overtime to avoid being the first one sent home. Then Dovima pulled out a damn whip, Macarena lost her wig and it was all over. Though I feel that the lip sync was a very hard fought draw, Dovima’s better outfit clearly managed to save her as The Macarena became the first queen eliminated.

I was so heartbroken to see my dear friend The Macarena walk back into the Werk Room and immediately pulled her in for a hug. And gave her the usual first-boot-of-a-franchise pep-talk. You know, the one where I tell them that as THE Porkchop, they will always be remembered while everyone else will fade into obscurity. Plus, if you speak about your penchant for nudity on camera, the world is going to love you. Particularly if you are nude while eating a The Blacaforenast Cake. There is a massive market for it.

Rich and fudgy, tart and sweet; a black forest cake is one of the greatest inventions. Like a slab of fruit and nut chocolate, this cake has it all. And what it lacks in nuts, Carmen is willing to flash hers. And well, so is my nude friend The Macarena.

Enjoy!

The Blacaforenast Cake
Serves: el español Porkchop y their also nude friend.

Ingredients
1 ½ cups raw caster sugar
125g unsalted butter, diced
⅓ cup cocoa powder
½ tsp bicarb soda
400g dark chocolate, chopped
1 ½ cups flour
1 tbsp baking powder
2 eggs, whisked
600ml thickened cream
2 tbsp kirsch
400g pitted sour cherries, drained but saving the ju-uice, buuuddddy
1 tbsp arrowroot
1 tbsp icing sugar
maraschino cherries, to top

Method
Preheat oven to 160C.

Combine the caster sugar, butter, cocoa and bicarb with 60g of the chocolate and a cup of water in a large saucepan. Place over medium heat and cook, stirring, until it boils. Reduce to low and simmer for a couple of minutes, or until it is homogenous and combined. Remove from the heat and let it cool for a couple of minutes.

Whisk in the flour, baking powder and eggs until well combined. Pour into a lined 22cm cake tin and bake for about 30 minutes, or until an inserted skewer comes out clean. Once rich but cooked, removed from the oven and allow to cool slightly in pan before transferring to a wire rack to finish the job.

To make the ganache, bring half the cream in a saucepan over medium heat and once shimmeringly hot, remove from heat and whisk through the chocolate until smooth and silky.

While that rests, combine the cherry juice with the arrowroot in a small saucepan and cook, stirring, for a couple of minutes or until viscose and shiny. Then leave that to rest.

Finally, beat the remaining cream with the icing sugar until stiff peaks form. And when one of us is nude, the peaks are definitely stiff.

To assemble, cut the cake into four layers. Place the bottom on a plate, drizzle with a third of the kirsch, followed by the syrup and whipped cream. Sprinkle with cherries and repeat layering process until you’ve got the last piece of cake on top. Spread with the ganish until covered and smooth. 

Top with maraschino cherries and devour, triumphantly, in the nude. Like a damn icon.


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Rob Cestroynino

Drink, Survivor, Survivor: All Stars, Survivor: Amazon, Survivor: Island of the Idols

The Island of the Idols is nearly upon us, the pre-season has finally commenced in earnest and with it Rob Cesternino is helping us prepare for the game ahead. And finally, I’ve been able to convince him to drop by and collaborate on our coverage.

While I will defend Jenna Morasca’s win until my dying breath, Rob without a doubt is in the top tier of Survivor players and along with Cirie is the one true answer for the best player to never win. Unless you factor in Australian Survivor, in which case you can loop in Queen Shonee because she is a bloody icon.

But alas, I’ve digressed.

Rob’s dominance in Amazon truly changed the entire way people played the game – watch out 80% of the Game Changers cast – and without him, I honestly don’t think Survivor would still be on the air. So basically, we should all be grateful to the podcaster extraordinaire.

Like me Rob believes that Sandra will own the statue island, while Janet and Elaine will battle it out for the status of number one icon of the season. And that Tom is going to flame out spectacularly at his second tribal council. I don’t know why, it just feels right. Though maybe it is the Rob Cestroynino talking.

 

 

While a rob roy brings up memories of the terrifyingly boring film – to tween Ben, at least – of the same name, the drink is something that I will never pass up. A classic combination of whiskey and vermouth with the punch of bitters and the sweet addition of cherry? Swoon.

Enjoy!

 

 

Rob Cestroynino
Serves: 1.

Ingredients
2 shots scotch
1 shot dry vermouth
a splash of bitters
2 maraschino cherries, to garnish
ice, to serve

Method
Combine everything but the cherries in a cocktail shaker.

Shake. Pour in an iced glass. Garnish with cherries.

Down.

 

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Paulnapple Wupside Downs Cake

Baking, Cake, Dessert, Four and Three and Two and Done: A Farewell to Broad City, Snack, Sweets

After catching up with Abbi, Arturo, Hannibal and John, I am almost coming around to the idea that Broad City is coming to an end tomorrow, despite the fact it breaks my heart. Thankfully I am trying to focus on the positives, like Abbi doing Ilana at the co-op, Jaime becoming a citizen, Lincoln being Lincoln, Bevers literally being the worst and the discovery of Trey’s past as Kirk Steele. And damn did it make me fall even harder for my dear Paul W. Downs.

Like Abbi I started of hating Trey and episode by episode fell in love with him, which comes down to the comedic work and total charm of Paul.

While I didn’t meet him until Broad City, we fast became friends and I’m honoured that he came to me for advice on how to block the Kirk Steele scenes. While my infatuation made our friendship awkward for a brief period, I am thrilled that I was able to cool down and he never let it get in the way of our bond.

Paul being the absolute best, he arrived at my door with the inflatable pool toy and a visor and told me how grateful he was to be celebrating the show, and how much he wanted me … to have the props.

I mean, can you believe? He is a sweet angel. Just like my Paulnapple Wupside Downs Cake.

 

 

TBH I have always looked at this cake as kitsch krap, but somehow it defies my expectations and further proves that the ‘80s get a lot of unnecessary hate. A sweet and tart top, with melt in your mouth fluffy sponge, there is nothing better to while away an afternoon with a dear friend.

Enjoy!

 

 

Paulnapple Wupside Downs Cake
Serves: 8-12.

Ingredients
¾ cup unsalted butter
½ cup muscovado sugar
8 canned pineapple rings, juice, reserving ½ cup for the cake
12 maraschino cherries
1 ½ cups flour
1 tsp baking powder
¼ tsp salt
1 cup raw caster sugar
2 eggs

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C and spray the base of a 23cm cake pan with cooking spray.

Combine ¼ of a cup of butter with the muscovado in a saucepan and cook over medium heat until combined and slightly darkened. Remove from heat and pour directly into the cake tin.

Arrange the pineapple rings in the caramel and dot the maraschino cherries as artfully as you desire. Set aside.

Meanwhile whisk the dry ingredients together in a bowl, and cream the remaining butter and raw caster sugar in a stand mixer until light and fluffy. Agg one egg at a time, beat well after each addition. Add the dry ingredients and pineapple juice in thirds, alternating between each until it is well combined.

Spoon the batter over the fruit and gently smooth the top, being careful not to move or break the fruit. Transfer the cake to the oven to cook for 45 minutes, or until golden brown and an inserted skewer comes out clean.

Leave the cake to cool for ten minutes before flipping onto a serving plate … and devouring like it is Kirk Steele.

 

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