Bruce Springsteen Roll

Main, Party Food, Snack

There is nothing quite as joyous and beautiful as catching up with your best friend; while it has been about five years since we last saw Brucey, it felt like no time had passed at all!

After meeting Bruce aka Brucey, Steeny, Springo or pal, in school our bond seemed unbreakable, with he and Annelie touring the bar circuit of New Jersey while I did everything in my power to bring down their rivals via torrid affairs.

While I was successful in ruining many a career on the way to Bruce’s success (without Bruce knowing, he enjoyed competition), our relationship hit a rough patch in 1984 when he invited (then) two-bit floozy Courteney Cox (we are friends, now) up on stage during his film-clip for Dancing in the Dark.

As you would expect, I ran straight to the tabloids to punish him for this indiscretion resulting in an eight-year feud and a string of voodoo and/or arson attempts near the Jersey shorelines.

Wanting to make amends after a stint in rehab, as well as the completion of a court-ordered anger management course, I reached out to Bruce and once again became his muse … eventually leading to an Academy Award for the song The Streets of Philadelphia.

We pulled up to the airport to pick-up Bruce to see him standing out front looking all dreamy, like the cover of Born on the USA – I mean, we would have taken him home and fought to the death for him, even if he wasn’t our friend.

I don’t know what it is about reminiscing about school, but it is something that definitely needs liquor, which in turns means you need drinking snacks at the ready – obviously our delicious Bruce Springsteen Rolls made the menu!

 

Bruce Springsteen Roll_1

 

These little snacks pack the right amount of sweetness and spice and are the perfect accompaniment for an afternoon of being serenaded by your close friend over a beer.

Enjoy!

 

Bruce Springsteen Roll_2

 

Bruce Springsteen Roll
Serves: 50.

Ingredients
1 tbsp soy sauce
1 tsp sake
2 tbsp oyster sauce
freshly ground black pepper
1 tsp cornflour
2 tbsp cooking oil, aka anything with a low smoke-point
2 cloves garlic, finely minced
1 tsp grated fresh ginger
3 shallots, finely sliced
2 carrots, grated
½ head of chinese cabbage, shredded
1 red chilli, finely sliced
100g shitake mushrooms, finely sliced
500g chicken mince
50g vermicelli noodles, soaked in water and drained
3 tbsp toasted peanuts, crushed
1 tbsp five spice powder
50 spring roll wrappers, defrosted
extra cooking oil, for brushing

Method
Combine the soy, sake, oyster sauce, pepper and the teaspoon of cornflour in a measuring jug; leave aside.

Heat a large pan over high heat, adding in the oil and swirling when hot. Quickly add the shallots, garlic and ginger and toss for 30 seconds, taking care not to burn them. Stirring well, add in the carrots, cabbage, chilli and mushroom, before reducing the heat to medium-high. Stir fry the vegetables for 2 minutes, or until the carrots have softened.

Remove cooked vegetables to a dish and add the chicken mince to the pan, breaking up the meat as you brown it. When the chicken is done, add the soy liquid, noodles and vegetables to the pan and combine. Remove from heat and allow to cool. When cooled, drain out any liquid.

Preheat oven to 180C and line two baking sheets.

Open the packet of spring roll wrappers, covering with a just damp towel to prevent drying out. Pour some cold water into a glass for brushing.

Place a wrapper out on the bench, add a tablespoon of the mixture in the middle at one end in a cigar shape. Roll wrapper over to cover the filling, fold both sides in and roll the spring roll up (this video has another wrapping technique, if I make no sense). Brush with water and place on baking sheet, covering with another just damp cloth.

Repeat the process until you run out of wrappers or filling.

Once done, remove the cloth, brush all of the rolls with oil and bake for 15-20 minutes, or until golden and crisp.

Devour with your favourite condiment, trying to avoid flinging sriracha all over your kitchen when shaking the bottle. Unless these are for a Halloween party in which case, boom, instant bloodbath decoration!

 

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Monica Padilla Thai

Main, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

While we were sad for Monica’s premature exit from second chances, it is always good to be in the company of kindred spirits.

Unsurprisingly, Monica and I both rely heavily on our exceptional looks and charm to get by in life. In our younger years, we went head to head in a college flirt-off. While Monica was shimmying, winking and pouting her way into the hearts and minds of many, my attempts were mistaken for an out-of-control epileptic episode.

While Monica may have won many years ago, I’ve been refining my technique in order to score the ultimate prize – Jeff McDreamy Dreamboat. Every post-second chances exit meal shared with our friends is another step closer to the Holy Probst (well unless Spencer’s experience being on the bottom gets in the way)! It is also a chance to bathe in the delicious irony that her love of the clam was ultimately her undoing.

How can we ensure Monica doesn’t win the great race to Probsty’s heart?  Carbs!

 

FullSizeRender (3)

 

The Monica Padilla Thai offers a delicious, spicy kick, comfortingly swaddled in an enormous pile of rice noodles.

 

IMG_6350

 

Monica Padilla Thai
Serves: 4

Ingredients
200g dried flat rice noodles
400g chicken breast, thinly sliced
2 eggs, beaten
100g bean sprouts
2 cloves minced garlic
2 tablespoons fish sauce
2 tablespoons sugar
1 tablespoon sesame oil
Juice of 1 lime
2 shallots, thinly sliced
1 red chilli, thinly sliced
Roasted chopped peanuts, to garnish

Method
Cook rice noodles as per packet directions and drain. Set aside.

In a hot pan, pour beaten eggs and cook until firm. Remove from pan and chop into small pieces.

Add chicken to the hot pan and stirfry until cooked through. Add garlic, fish sauce, lime juice, half of chilli, sesame oil and sugar and cook until combined.

Add noodles, egg and beansprouts and toss through chicken mixture. Serve garnished with chilli, shallots and roasted peanuts.

 

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Rebecca De Chicken Mornay

Main, Pasta

As you’ve heard us rant many a time, working with Tom Cruise is the absolute worst but as our friend Ralph (may have) said, “when it is dark enough, you can see the stars,” and boy did we ever when first meeting the delightful Bec!

While she wasn’t a star back then, our friendship shone brightly and filled our lives with so much joy during such a dark time. After successfully working through our feelings thanks to our Survivors of Tom Cruise support group slash tactical revenge cult, Annelie got her first taste of momagering with Bec and lead to her casting in the classic A Trip to Bountiful.

We were briefly able to share the spotlight, attending the Oscars with Bec, partying at the Chateau, before Annelie gave me the opportunity to co-momager Bec, when our addictions got the better of us and she ended up ruined by the forgettable 1987 live action version of Beauty and the Beast.

This led to a brief feud between us and Bec, before she graciously forgave us during a family visit to Promises while we were in rehab. She desperately wanted to help us with our comeback and, thankfully, we were able to get her back on the A-List with a role in The Hand That Rocks the Cradle (I slept with Curtis Hanson while in rehab, I don’t know who he was meant to be visiting).

Bec was in town for the AGM and wanted something comforting and warm, like our beautiful decades-long friendship (that even survived her appearance in American Reunion against our advice) – obviously that meant a giant vat of Rebecca De Chicken Mornay.

 

Rebecca De Chicken Mornay_1

 

While the kitsch, 80s classic is generally made with tuna, we all find that filthy fish disgusting (tuna is to Tom, what the gerbil is to Richard Gere – don’t ask) so opt for chicken instead. Plus, tuna is the chicken of the sea anyway, right?

Enjoy!

 

Rebecca De Chicken Mornay_2

 

Rebecca De Chicken Mornay
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
2 chicken breasts, diced
olive oil
500g macaroni
100g butter
1 cup corn kernels
2 medium carrots, diced small
2 onions, diced
½ cup plain flour
4 cups milk
4 tablespoons Dijon mustard
2 cups grated tasty cheese
salt and pepper, to taste
parmesan, to top
fresh chives, finely sliced

Method
Put a large pot of water on to boil and preheat the oven to 180°C.

While they are coming to temperature heat a large pan over medium heat, add a lug of olive oil and cook the chicken until browned.

Once the water has come to the boil, add the macaroni and cook to packet instructions. Drain.

In a large saucepan over medium heat, melt the butter and saute the corn, carrot and onion, until the carrots are soft. Add the flour and stir until the vegetables are coated.

Add the milk half a cup at a time, stirring after each addition until the sauce starts to thicken, repeating until it is all gone. Cook for a further minute before stirring in the mustard, grated cheese, chicken and pasta, stirring until the cheese has melted. Season to taste.

Place into a large baking tray and top with a scattering of parmesan and bake for 25 minutes or until golden.  Top with snipped chives and devour.

 

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Peih-Gee Lawsagne

Main, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

Poor sweet, scrappy Peih-Gee – just when she felt safe, our dear friend Abi-Maria (we met after getting kicked out of the same anger management course) flipped the game and orchestrated her blindside.

Let this be a warning to all of the remaining players, do not cross the Brazilian beauty … she will boot you!

We first met our (other) dear friend Peih-Gee while working as back-up dancers during Madonna’s performance at the 1998 MTV Music Awards (where I once again displayed twerking to the masses before Miley did). A fast bond was formed upon discovering that she was heiress to a jewellery dynasty, hoping she would go full Patty Hearst and help us rob the family business following a period of brainwashing.

While that didn’t happen, on account of her superior morals and strong will, she was kind enough to keep us blinged out with her superior jewellery designs.

Going into Second Chance, we felt that Peeg (as her closest friends call her) was well placed to succeed being a lone representative from a middle season however sadly our little firecracker Abi took an immediate dislike to our pocket rocket and she was doomed to join our other (loser) friends on the pre-jury vacay while we hung out in Ponderosa with their more successful peers.

While she was bummed to go out early, she was more than ready to leave the desolate Angkor beach and devour a hearty slice of our famed and noted Peih-Gee Lawsagne.

 

Peih-Gee Lawsagne_1

 

We first made her the Lawsagne while squatting at her San Franciscan home whilst Annelie was trying to destroy George Lucas for taking away her first love Mark Hamill and I was developing my Castro based, soon to be green-lit Andy Dick Broadway musical Little Whorphan Andy (Harvey Fierstein, give me a call).

Peeg had just returned from her crushing defeat in China (could you imagine how great a Peih-Gee / Courtney finals would have been?) to discover that we had sold most of her possessions and trashed her house – the only thing we could do to apologise, was feed her our delicious, delicious comfort food.

Enjoy!

 

Peih-Gee Lawsagne_2

 

Peih-Gee Lawsagne
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
500g chicken mince
1 cup Toni Basil pesto
1 cup green peas
400g ricotta cheese
1 egg
3/4 cup Parmesan
1/2 cup mozzarella
2 cups passata
1/2 cup cream
8-12 fresh lasagne sheets

Method
Heat a large saute pan and cook chicken mince until browned all over. Add cup of peas, cup of pesto and 1/2 cup of water. Cover and simmer for 5 minutes, or until peas are cooked.

While the chicken is cooking, mix together ricotta, egg, 1/4 cup Parmesan and season with salt and pepper. In another bowl, mix passata and cream.

Preheat oven to 180C. In a rectangular baking dish, spread 1/3 of passata mixture. Lay out lasagne sheets and top with a thin layer of ricotta mixture and chicken, and roll up from the short end. Place on top of passata mixture. Continue until all filling and lasagne sheets are used.

Top roll-ups with remaining sauce and sprinkle with remaining Parmesan and mozzarella. Bake for 35 minutes, or until lasagne noodles are soft enough to eat.

 

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Mirin Oskooi Salmon

Main, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

It is truly lucky that Ben and I were able to comfort the devastated Shirin Oskooi after her very premature exit from Second Chance.

While many people think Ben and I only know Shirin given how extraordinarily well connected we are in the Survivor circles, the truth is we interned for her briefly at Google. Although we had been embedded in Google as spies to collect corporate secrets around Shirin’s prized Google calendar, we were both so technologically illiterate (apparently Google doesn’t accept sexual favours in lieu of intelligence) we were fired well before this was possible.

Luckily, Shirin thought we were both pretty ace on a personal level, and we’ve been catching up at the Burning Man festival ever since.

Shirin bolted out of the gates on Second Chance, and it seems as though her supreme wit and smarts was her downfall. The fact that she also turned her back on the somewhat erratic Abi-Maria likely didn’t help, as she lost her majority alliance to Deitzy’s undeniable charms.

What provides warm, tasty comfort without wreaking havoc on one’s undeniably fragile internal eco-system after subsisting on bugs and coconuts?

 

 

shirin

 

The Mirin Oskooi Salmon combines the health benefits of salmon with a fuck-load of sugar and mirin. A perfect balance of healthy and fuck you Abi and Terry.

 

shirin 2

 

Mirin Oskooi Salmon
Serves: 4

Ingredients
4 200g salmon fillets
1/4 cup mirin
1/3 cup soy sauce
1/4 cup brown sugar
3 tablespoons honey
Thumb-size piece of ginger, finely grated

Method
Combine mirin, soy, sugar, honey and ginger in a large ziplock bag. Add salmon fillets and allow to marinate, refrigerated, for up to 2 hours.

Heat a large frypan with a small amount of oil. Add salmon, brushed with extra marinade, cooking for 2-3 minutes each side or until just cooked through.

Serve with steamed greens and rice.

 

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Risottis Redding

Main

I am so thankful that we successfully mastered time travel! Aside from the obvious information we get like the winning lotto numbers and who to bet on at the track on a boozy Wednesday afternoon, it is such a joy to be able to go back and reconnect with our friends that have passed … or to correct condiment catastrophes.

We first met dear Otis Redding while we were children singing in the Vineville Baptist Church choir. Otis is the first person to ever put us on the right path; Annelie and I joined the choir to get close enough to loot the collections after each service but young Otis caught us and instead of sending us to juvie, befriended us and tried to help us lead an honest life up until his untimely death (which inspired us to write the hit and then shit TV series LOST).

During our too-brief friendship, we were able to enjoy a highly successful writing partnership culminating in the hit some (Sittin’ On) The Dock of the Bay … which you know are not the lyrics I was suggesting while we were on a romantic working holiday in Sausalito.

Remembering the time fondly and wanting to stop Otis from getting on the plane, Annelie and I set the time machine to 1967, aka the beautiful time that we wrote the song. Obviously while there, we were also hoping to secure some Bay Area property to avoid being priced out by the tech boom, but it was mainly to see Ot.

Always the gentleman, it was such a thrill to see Otis again! Despite some annoying Hermione-with-the-time-turner logistical issues to start, we were able to talk down our past selves (by paying them off with future money to ultimately buy property. Yep, genius bribe idea) and spend some much need relaxation time with Ots.

He casually strummed his guitar (for once, this is not a euphemism) and put the finishing touches on his beautiful song while we got to work making his favourite meal Risottis Redding (with Annelie and I wishing the other wasn’t there ruining the romantic mood, and in her case, forcing me to cook in clothing).

 

Risottis Redding_1

 

Like our dearly departed friend, risotto is a homely, delicate dish with so many notes depending on how you make it. Risottis is a very simple version of the Italian classic, with a light mix of herbs and cheese creating a sweet base for the robust and salty prosciutto, topped with some leftover pork meatballs and pesto to give an added kick.

Enjoy!

 

Risottis Redding_2

 

Risottis Redding
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
4 ½ cups chicken stock
2 tbsp olive oil
1 onion, diced
2 cloves garlic, crushed
250g prosciutto
2 cups arborio rice
½ cup white wine
1 tsp salt
2 tbsp unsalted butter
½ cup grated parmesan cheese
black pepper, freshly ground
1 tbsp rosemary, finely chopped
½ batch Christopher Porken Meatballs
Toni Basil Pesto, to taste

Method
Bring the stock to boil in a large saucepan over medium heat and then reduce to a simmer.

Heat the oil in a large frying pan over medium heat and sauté the onion, garlic and prosciutto, stirring, until soft. About 5 minutes.

Pour the rice into the pan and cook, again stirring, for a further three minutes before adding the white wine and salt. Continue to stir until all of the wine has been absorbed. Add a cup of chicken stock and continue to stir vigorously as it absorbs. When it is almost all gone, add another cup and repeat the process until all of the stock is gone.

Reduce heat to low and stir in the butter, parmesan, pepper and rosemary. Season to taste.

Generously ladle into bowls and serve with freshly cooked meatballs and pesto.

 

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Spicy, Sweet & Souri Cruise Soup

Main, Soup

What a difference two weeks make! I mean, we had envisioned The E.J.A.C.U.L.A.T.E. Book Club as a time for us to get together with our friend Eric Jonrosh and tear shreds of our mutual friends’ talent or lack thereof.

Suri Cruise being the talented and ferocious tween that she is got in touch when she heard we would be discussing her first book Suri’s Burn Book (originally a blog, imagine that) she decided to get in touch and, knowing our catty behaviour, get in front of the situation. Therefore, our book club will now, forever more, involve our celebrity-author friends.

Eric chose Suri’s Burn Book for its strong sense of prose and the questions it asked about society; why do we act like children when we don’t own a Ferragamo, why did the Kardashians exist before the arrival of Caitlyn Jenner and why oh why do the Garnerflecks insist upon acting poor?

Suri’s writing blisters of the page as she highlights the inherent flaws with the current crop of second generation (plus) Hollywood. Give us the Lizas, the Drews and the Carries; these women knew what privilege could get you and, where required, derailed early enough to enjoy successful careers.

I mean, you just always knew Suri was behind Katie’s emancipation (and getting rid of her half smile), didn’t you?

Suri balances her acid tongue with surprising stints of sweet empathy (free the Kardashian-Disicks, am I right?) and the kind of scathing words that burn to your core – as such, the only appropriate thing to eat during the discussion/analysis was our Spicy, Sweet & Souri Cruise Soup.

 

Spicy, Sweet & Souri Cruise Soup_1

 

Like Cruise’s work, the whack of chilli punches you in the gut like one of her barbs, the sweetness of the honey is like her public persona and the tang of the sake is representative of the tartness you feel in your soul from the existential questions Cruise’s work raises.

Five Jonrosh Goblets out of Five, for the book and the soup.

Enjoy!

For those playing at home, what did you think of Suri’s work?

 

Spicy, Sweet & Souri Cruise Soup_2

 

Spicy, Sweet & Souri Cruise Soup
Serves: 3-4.

Ingredients
3 cloves of garlic
2 red chillies
thumb-sized piece of ginger
200g shitake mushrooms, sliced
225g sliced bamboo shoots, drained
vegetable oil
3 tbsp gluten free soy sauce
¼ cup cooking sake
1 teaspoon honey
1 ½ litres vegetable stock
250g firm tofu
4 spring onions
½ bunch of chives
1 large egg
sea salt
freshly ground white pepper
sriracha

Method
Heat stock in a large saucepan before you get to work preparing everything else.

Peel the garlic, crush and finely slice, finely slice the chillies, peel and finely grate the ginger; combine all three in a bowl.

Drain the bamboo shoots and finely slice the mushrooms.

Heat a generous amount of oil in a large saucepan, over high heat; add the mushrooms, garlic, chillies, ginger and bamboo shoots and fry until softened and lightly golden.

Add the soy, sake and honey to the pan with a generous pinch of salt and pepper, stirring and cooking for a further minute. Add the stock and bring to a gentle boil, before reducing the heat and simmering for about ten minutes.

Use this time to dice the tofu into 1cm cubes, finely slice the shallots and chives, and quickly whisk the egg in a large mug.

Add the tofu, chives and shallots to the pan, stir and remove from the heat. Give the saucepan a stir and while stirring, pour in the egg to finely cook it into thin ribbons.

Add sriracha to taste and season with more soy, sake, salt and pepper until you balance the flavours to your taste.

Devour and clear out your sinuses.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Vytas Baskausserole

Main, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

Poor, beautiful, rump-a-licious Vytas!

While Vytas has sadly always turned down my sexual advances, even in our time together in prison (you just know I would have made a beautiful prison wife), he did not deserve the tragedy/travesty of being the first boot on Second Chance!

Seriously people, get rid of our frenemy of beige-personality Woo!

We have been friends with Vytas longer than anyone else on the cast, after meeting in Santa Monica in the late 90s while Annelie and I were trying to grift celebrities. Unlike the Shirin and Kelley-not-Wiglesworth’s of the world, we were immediately taken with the bad boy and lured him into our web of deceit and drugs, landing us in jail.

Annelie ended up in prison with Piper Kerman, Vytas and I were lucky enough to stay together where we were bonded for life. While Vytas used the time as an opportunity to grow and better himself, Annelie and I used it to rule the prison yard until we were released.

Being so kind Vyt has never held that against us, even as we went through relapse after relapse and returned to prison to get our stale cigarette’s from the vents (yep, we inspired both Vee and Red).

In early 2006, we realised Vyt’s dreamboat brother was set to appear on our favourite program, Survivor and got to work planning a double wedding to the brother’s. (Sadly they didn’t think it was a great idea).

Going into Second Chance, we knew Vytas would have one of the largest target’s on his back as not only is he hella dreamy but he proved in his previous turn that he could charm people and would play dirty if needed.

Knowing this, we broke away from the press area after the marooning and stole our friend Abi-Maria’s bracelet (sorry Abi, we love you) to create some drama to deflect attention from Vytas long enough for Savage to suggest another naked challenge.

Sadly Vytas took the pre-game advice I gave him for wooing me and used it in game, taking a direct quote I whispered into his ear while he slept the night before the game, “Hammer that nail into me (to) Woo (me). Hammer it into me.”

It is always hard to be the first boot (am I right, Francesca?), but Vyt met us in Ponderosa with a lot of grace and humility. Obviously we were ropeable, threw out all of our rice in the Tribal Council fire (soz if you wanted Risotto after your boots, guys) and got to work making our angry and hearty Vytas Baskausserole.

 

Vytas Baskausserole_1

 

Based on a California-esque casserole we made in the early years of our friendship, the Baskausserole is filled with a kick of heat to wash away the sadness of being first boot. We also couldn’t remember if Vytas was vegetarian, so just pretend it is if he is, ok?

Enjoy – Vyt, just remember Tina was also a first boot once!

I wonder who will be joining him on the pre-jury vacation..?

 

Vytas Baskausserole_2

 

Vytas Baskausserole
Serves: 10 or one first boot and his two close friends that just damn, wish they were his lovers.

Ingredients
1kg beef mince
1 green capsicum, diced
2 onions, diced
400g can creamed corn
400g can condensed tomato soup
400g can diced tomatoes
1 cup passata
125g button mushrooms, whole or quartered (size dependent)
120g jarred pimientos, drained and chopped
hot sauce, to taste
¼ jarred olives, drained and sliced
1 tsp celery salt
½ teaspoon mustard powder
½ teaspoon chili powder
¼ teaspoon ground pepper
500g wide tagliatelle, cooked and drained
2 cups cheddar cheese, grated

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

In a large fry-pan, cook mince, capsicum and onion over medium heat until the meat is starting to brown.

Drain out any fat and stir in all remaining ingredients, except for the cheese, and pour into a large baking dish (30x20cm-ish).

Top with cheese and bake for 40-50 minutes.

Devour and plot ways to enact revenge on those who wronged our dear friend slash potential new boyfriend.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Friza Minnelli (Friza with a Z)

Main, Side, Snack

If any of our friends can hold a candle to our razzle dazzle, it is Liza. Obviously that has a lot to do with my Triple Threat Tutelage (I must copyright that name), but I do believe she could have achieved fame on the z-list without me.

I mean it is Liza with a Z, after all.

While I trained dear Liza, we have sadly never had the opportunity to work together onscreen. Well we did, but Fosse the freak fucked it up. You see, I was originally cast in the role of the Emcee in the movie version of Cabaret however was fired for refusing to wear the comparatively demure costume that Joel Grey ended up wearing in his Oscar winning turn.

After the travesty, I hit the prescription drugs pretty hard and eventually took both Annelie and Liza with me where we became bonded for life.

Liza dropped by yesterday at dusk, when thankfully lighting is kinder, and immediately found her way to the balcony to bust out an epic tune to anyone that would listen. (It was fantastic, FYI). Thankfully she has recovered from her vertigo (which was written into Arrested Development) and we didn’t lose another treasure!

After wowing the wider neighbourhood, we quickly got to work gossiping about all of our mutual nemeses – Sienna Miller really had no place being in the latest Cabaret revival on Broadway, I mean, where is her Academy Award Nomination – and whipping up a batch of our favourite bitching food, Friza Minnelli.

 

Friza Minnelli_1

 

We first had the idea fresh out of rehab in the late 70s to do an Italian take on chilli fries and bam, Friza was born. Thankfully we had some leftover Dolognese from last week’s visit, so it was nice and easy to put together with some perfectly cooked oven fries.

Enjoy! But how couldn’t you – what is better than the joining of Dolly and Liza?

 

Friza Minnelli_2

 

Friza Minnelli
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
2 cups Dolognese Parton
4 russet potatoes
extra virgin olive oil
parmesan, grated

Method
Preheat oven to 220°C degrees.

Chop potatoes into matchsticks by cutting the potatoes in half, in half again, then slicing into wedges and then into thin matchsticks. Sounds confusing, but I promise it will make sense when you’re doing it.

Line two baking sheets with greaseproof paper and add the fries with a generous drizzle of EVOO and a good whack of salt and pepper. Toss generously to coat.

Arrange fries in a single layer, avoiding too much overlap if you can. Chuck them in the oven and bake for 25-35 minutes, tossing half way to ensure even crispiness.

When the fries have about 15 minutes left, place the Dolognese Parton in a saucepan and cook over low heat until it comes to temperature.

Once the fries are done, serve evenly between the bowls. Cover with Dolognese and garnish, heavily and aggressively, with parmesan.

Devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Dolognese Parton

Main, Pasta

Sweet, sweet Dolly – just thinking back on our time together makes me want to cry tears of joy and thanks for having her in our lives.

If elections were held for Grand Master of the Universe today (and let’s be honest, they should be), Dolly would win by a landslide. I mean, yes Betty White would put in a good effort, but you’ve gotta back Dolly.

We first met Dolly while travelling across America; the trip went on to inspire Mark Twain to write The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and we met Dolly after fleeing a vicious lover’s quarrel with our now second favourite Twain.

Dolly embraced us with open arms and our beautiful friendship blossomed, which over time developed into a creative collaborative similar to JGL’s empire just about half a century earlier and our story boarding was hung, literally, on the (washing) line.

Not meaning to gloat, but we were heavily involved in the following hits: 9 to 5 (actually about lowering your standards), Jolene (a mutual nemesis), I Will Always Love You (obvs), Potential New Boyfriend (I was trying to convince her I could go straight), Baby I’m Burning (about a horrific STD incident), Applejack (it took Dolly a long time to clean that up from the filth I wrote. He didn’t pluck the banjo, that is for sure) and Why’d You Come In Here Lookin’ Like That (originally written as lickin’ my twat), to name but a few.

Despite our myriad of shared successes, our friendship is the shining star with Annelie and I by her side when she married Carl, there when Billy Ray asked he to be little Destiny Hope Ray Hannah Montana’s godmother and played an integral part in the inception of Dollywood.

As soon as we saw Dolly arrive, our hearts were filled with unending joy as she serenaded her way up the path to congratulate Annelie for getting into Medicine singing Dumb Blonde (oh yeah we have news, Annelie is going to be a Doctor).

Dolly was like a proud mother as we regaled her with tales of what we’ve been up to (aside from planning a Dolly tattoo, that pride in me was misplaced) and plotted how we could spend more time with each other.

Given that Dolly is the greatest person to ever exist and she fills us with happiness and warmth, the only thing that could do her any justice was a nice big pot of Dolognese Parton.

 

Dolognese Parton_1

 

There is nothing quite like a freshly made batch of bolognese, to make you feel happy and content. Given Dolly is a total firecracker and we have a penchant for liquefying our innards, we add a good whack of chilli to the bolognese, a real good whack, and it is all the better for it.

Enjoy!

 

Dolognese Parton_2

 

Dolognese Parton
Serves: 6-8. Or 3, with plenty of leftovers.

Ingredients
olive oil
2 onions, diced
2 stalks celery, finely sliced
1 large carrot, finely sliced
3-4 cloves garlic, crushed
1kg mince, ideally 50:50 beef and pork, but go with whatever you prefer
handful mushrooms, sliced
1 glass red wine
1 tbsp dried chilli, or a couple of small chillis finely sliced or a tbsp hot sauce (go with what you prefer, we add more)
3 x 400g cans of chopped tomatoes
2 tbsp tomato paste
1 tbsp dried basil
1 tbsp dried oregano
a bunch spinach, washed
spaghetti, to serve
freshly grated parmesan, to serve

Method
Heat a good lug (are we Jamie Oliver) of olive oil in a large pan or dutch oven. Go with the biggest thing you’ve got. Cook the onion, celery, carrot and garlic over medium heat for about five minutes, or until starting to tender. Add the mince and brown while breaking up with the wooden spoon.

Once the meat is brown, drain off some of the fat. Not all of it obviously, but depending on the quality of the meat you may have a ridiculous amount. Use your judgement?

Return to the pan and mix through the mushrooms until they have started to soften, it shouldn’t take longer than a couple of minutes. Add as generous a glass of red wine as your drinking will permit and cook off for a minute, before adding the chilli, canned tomatoes, tomato paste and dried herbs. Stir to combine and bring to a simmer.

Reduce heat to low and simmer half-covered for 30-45 minutes, stirring occasionally.

While the dolognese is simmer, cook spaghetti (or whatever pasta you prefer) to packet instructions. I know we should be making our own pasta, but sometimes I just can’t be bothered.

When the sauce is done, stir through the bunch of spinach to wilt and remove from the heat.

Serve dolognese on a generous bed of pasta (I don’t mix it through the sauce so I can use the leftovers for other meals) and cover liberally, a bit too liberally, with parmesan. Herby garlic bread is also a good idea.

This makes a ridiculous amount so unless you’re feeding a large family or have had a particularly rough week and wine just isn’t cutting it, you will have to freeze the leftovers for another meal. Or for jaffles. Or actually, I’ve got an idea …

 

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