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Chicken & Jamie LeeKurtis Pies

Main, Party Food, Snack

After scaring us half to death with the prospect of a private, confidential catch-up, Jamie was on her best behaviour when she dropped by and she was proud of it.

We have been friends with Jamie since our childhood when I appeared as Kyle Richard’s stunt double in Halloween and Annelie was directing films under the pseudonym of John Carpenter.

Given the basis of our first meeting, scaring and pranks formed the basis of our relationship.

While we  have occasionally gone too far, what with the anthrax incident and the time we had her quarantined for Ebola, we’ve only had one serious fight after I was arrested for stalking her godson. I mean, the whole ugliness could have been avoided had she just consented to introducing us/allowing us to trap him in our home.

Despite this setback, we have always enjoyed a close working relationship with Jamie; getting her jobs on Roadgames, My Girl and the critically acclaimed Beverly Hills Chihuahua (although sadly, we couldn’t negotiate for her to keep her role in the sequels) and she keeps us with a bountiful supply of yoghurt and patented diapers.

James was in fine spirits, and surprisingly a shirt, when she dropped over, gushing over her upcoming role in Scream Queens (we know who the killer is, but obvs can’t say anything … other than the fact Billie Lourd is a saint, but look at her mother/grandmother) and how Jake was willing to meet up for mediation.

A return to fame for us and look who comes crawling back!

Wanting to focus on the boozing while she was here, we opted for a generous batch of our famous Chicken & Jamie LeeKurtis Pies.

 

Chicken & Jamie LeeKurtis Pies_1

 

Decidedly low on yoghurt content, these pies still keep you feeling regular. Obviously “regular” for you needs to mean happy and content with a stomach filled with love.

Enjoy! Also, fun fact, don’t use the line “a stomach filled with love” if you’re on trial for stalking.

 

Chicken & Jamie LeeKurtis Pies_2

 

Chicken & Jamie LeeKurtis Pies
Serves: 36.

Ingredients
¾ cup chicken stock
½ cup dry white wine
500g chicken breast, diced
20g butter
1 leek, chopped finely
1 stick celery, chopped finely
1 tbsp plain flour
2 tsp fresh thyme leaves
½ cup cream
1 tsp Dijon mustard
salt and freshly ground black pepper
4 sheets shortcrust pastry
4 sheets butter puff pastry
1 egg yolk, beaten lightly
extra thyme leaves

Method
Melt butter in the pan and brown diced chicken for 1-2 minutes. Add the leek and celery and cook, stirring, until soft.

Stir in thyme and flour until bubbling. Add white wine, stirring to combine until slightly thickened before adding the stock, cream and mustard, until mixture boils and thickens. Season to taste with salt and black pepper and remove from heat, cool slightly.

Preheat the oven to 200°C. Grease 3 x 12-hole muffin tins. Cut 36 squares from the shortcrust pastry. Press into prepared pans. Spoon 1 tablespoon of chicken mixture into each pastry case. Cut 36 squares from the puff pastry. Top chicken mixture with the pastry lids, brush with egg yolk and sprinkle with extra thyme leaves.

Bake on the lowest shelf for 15 minutes or until browned.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

BosTony Bennett Baked Beans

Main, Side, Snack

It is sometimes hard to go back from a series of vitriolic tweets calling for the blood of your octogenarian friend and his two-bit floozy of a duet partner using the insults 12 Years a Slave to Jerking Off, Hagrid’s Nutsack and Supercalifragilisticexpialidickcheese (which in turn, inspired an episode of Veep), but somehow we seem to have mended another feud.

2011 was a rough time in our lives and we expected a duet, or triet, to reinvigorate our careers after a brief relapse with heroin and a scandal where we out-drank famed mess Lisa Newman at a political event in Queensland.

As we explained to Tony, his friendship with our nemesis Lady Gaga – who stole our idea to wear a meat dress – was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

We first met Tony in 1944 when we were drafted to the U.S. Army in the final stages of WWII, while I was running a scam to find myself the most strapping / biggest dish of a husband. While I failed and caused the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, Tony saw through our drama and befriended us and allowed us to ride his coattails to fame and fortune.

It was a beautiful friendship – dancing the foxtrot and the charleston with the coolest cats in Hollywood, a whirlwind stint addicted to cocaine (resulting in my regrettable and forgettable threesome with Frank Sinatra and Perry Como) and years being celebrated on the awards circuit.

And then along came old Germy-twatta …

We are ashamed of the way we lashed out at our dear friend but thankfully Tone realises that when pushing 90, it is futile to hold a grudge and has warmly embraced us back into the fold … on the condition that we have a sit down with Lady BlaBla. While the thought makes us physically sick, we will do it for Tones.

Given his age and our penchant for comfort food (and pants), we went with a nice big batch of BosTony Bennett Baked Beans.

 

BosTony Bennett Bakeds Beans_1

 

Nothing helps digestion and aids relieving yourself of gas (other than stretching to Diana Ross) quite like beans. Plus they are jam packed with fibre, protein and are low GI and in fat*, you know, the kind of shit oldies and oldies at heart love.

Enjoy!

 

BosTony Bennett Bakeds Beans_2

 

BosTony Bennett Baked Beans
Makes: 5-6 cups … but I am terrible at estimating quantities.

Ingredients
500g dried navy beans, soaked overnight in plenty of cold water
1 tbsp mustard powder
1 tbsp Dijon mustard
1/2 cup golden syrup
1/2 cup dark brown sugar
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 large onion, diced
6 rashers streaky bacon (smoked is good but that is just me)
3 bay leaves
2 x tins chopped tomatoes
1/4 cup red wine vinegar

Method
Drain and rinse beans. When you think they are rinsed thoroughly, rinse again, then place in a large saucepan, covering with water and bring to a slow boil. Reduce the heat and gently simmer gently over low heat for 45 minutes or until just tender (the actual cooking time will vary depending how good/old the beans are – it can take up to four hours for the beans to become tender). Drain the beans and set aside to cool.

In a small bowl, combine mustard powder, mustard (I have no idea why I mixed mustard powder and mustard, but they tasted good so who cares?), golden syrup and sugar to form a paste.

Preheat fan-forced oven to 140°C.

Add a good lug of olive oil to an ovenproof cast-iron, heavy lidded casserole dish. Add garlic, onion, bacon and bay leaves, cooking over medium heat for 5 minutes. Add tomatoes and mustard mixture and stir to combine.

Add the beans and stir. Place lid on, whack it in the oven and bake for 1½–2 hours or until beans are tender, stirring occasionally.

Remove from the oven and stir in the red wine vinegar. Cover and return to the oven for a further 30 minutes. Remove from the oven and season to taste. If they are too sweet, because lets be honest they can be, add another dash of vinegar to cut through.

* Oh and Ben literally has no idea, this is from Google Nutritionist. So yeah, don’t trust us!

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Chicken ParmiGina Gershon

Main

Annelie and I pride ourselves on having our fingers on the pulse of everything celebrity, fame, entertainment and style, so you can imagine the shame we feel for not realising that a) Lifetime, the greatest film producer on the planet, made a movie about our dear friend Donatells and b) that our other dear friend Gina Gershon played her in said movie.

How on earth did we miss it?

Obviously Gina was hurt that we missed her Emmy-snubbed performance of a life…time and that we didn’t get her in touch with Telly for research, but thankfully our beautiful past and promise of some great collaborations quickly turned the visit around.

(We had to lie through our teeth about her appearance on Glee being good for her image, but you do what you’ve got to do to maintain a friendship).

Gina was very thankful she missed our Carnival Week celebrations (for peasants and hicks, she said). Being a Cali girl, she was loving the mild Brisbane winter and I must say, it really brought the best out of us creatively, both in dance (gotta be warm enough for midriffs and nipple tassels) and scripting (Magic Showgirls XXX is going to win Oscars, guaranteed – obviously if Elizabeth Berkley agrees to reprise Nomi and Annelie and I co-star as rival divas).

With such laborious and meaningful work being undertaken, a big, sentimental meal was required, so we opted for the Chicken ParmiGina Gershon. Funny story, we first made Giny the ParmiGina after getting into a brutal altercation with Jan Draboltchka on the set of Face/Off resulting in him literally losing his face, leading to a re-write of the script and a bump down to co-star for poor Gins.

She is pretty forgiving, but I guess that goes with the territory of being friends with us.

 

Chicken ParmiGina Gershon_1

 

Like Gina, we like our parmies to be smokin’, saucy and to leave you wanting more. We also like them to be liberal with the breast.

Enjoy!

 

Chicken ParmiGina Gershon_2

 

Chicken ParmiGina Gershon
Serves: 2-4, breast dependent.

Ingredients
2 large, skinless chicken breasts, halved through the middle
2 eggs
1 cup plain flour
¼ cup breadcrumbs
¼ cup polenta
2 tbsp parmesan, grated
1 tbsp olive oil
3 garlic cloves, crushed
2 cups passata
2 tsp dried oregano
8-12 slices smoked ham
small bunch fresh basil
125g ball mozzarella, sliced

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Beat eggs in a large(ish) bowl. In a second bowl, combine breadcrumbs, polenta and parmesan. Chuck the flour, or you know place it gently, in a third bowl.

Place the halved chicken breasts between cling film sheets and bash out with a rolling pin until they are about 1cm thick (don’t worry too much about this…mine generally end up looking pretty ugly anyway). Dip the fillet in flour, followed by the egg, then the breadcrumb/polenta/parmesan mix. Place in the oven to bake for 20-30 minutes, flipping halfway through.

Heat oil and cook garlic for 1 min, then tip in passata and oregano. Season, generously (even add a pinch of raw sugar if you want) and simmer for 5-10 minutes.

Remove chicken from the oven. Drizzle a thin layer of tomato sauce over the chicken, cover with a few slices of the ham, pour some more tomato sauce over the chicken, place a few basil leaves on top and covered with the sliced mozzarella. I then scatter some extra Parmesan for good measure but that is only because I love me some cheese. Return to the oven and bake for 5-10 minutes or until the sauce is bubbling and the cheese is melted and golden.

Serve with fries. Copious amounts of fries.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Candice Burgern

Carnival Week, Main, Party Food

While most people fell in love with Candice Bergen as TV’s erstwhile queen, Murphy Brown, Annelie and I first met and befriended Candi on the set of her Oscar nominated turn in Starting Over where we were working as assistants to our close friend Jill Clayburgh.

We also got our friend Kevie Bacon a role but that is a story for another time.

We saw something special in Candi and she us, and it was only Candice who was able to mend the feud between Annelie and I on set after we realised the other was also sleeping with Burt Reynolds.

Candice was in town to commence work on a gritty-Murphy Brown reboot we envision on Netflix. While we are just in the planning stages, we know Sorkin is interested in finding a project to work on with us, so this could be the ticket.

Planning a future critically acclaimed reboot can be draining work, so we made sure to relax at the Ekka (Candi has always wanted to attend) and refuel with our famous Candice Burgern.

 

Candice Burgern_1

 

While Australians are apparently terrible at making burgers, we would argue that Candice’s eponymous burger is a pretty simple classic elevated by a Shake Shack inspired sauce that packs a little kick.

Enjoy!

 

Candice Burgern_2

 

Candice Burgern
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
4 hamburger buns
500g beef mince
8 rashers shortcut bacon
8 slices of cheddar, from the block
2 tomatoes, sliced
spinach leaves, to taste
sliced gherkin, to taste

Sauce
½ cup mayonnaise
1 tbsp ketchup
1 tbsp mustard
1 dill pickle
¼ tsp garlic powder
¼ tsp paprika
Pinch cayenne pepper

Method
Place mince in a medium bowl, draining as much excess fluid as possible, and season generously with salt and pepper. Work the mince until it is coming together and form into four equal size patties. Place on a cling-lined plate and refrigerate for 30 mins to an hour.

While burgers are chilling, combine all sauce ingredients in a blender/food processor and work until smooth. Transfer to a small bowl, cover in cling and place in fridge until ready to use.

While the sauce is enjoying the company of the patties, get to work slicing your cheese, tomatoes, gherkin and washing the spinach leaves aka mise en place-ing like a boss.

Remove patties from the fridge and place a large frying pan over medium heat until it is warm. Slice buns in half and fry, face down, until lightly toasted. Transfer to a plate, repeating the process until they are all done.

Fry bacon rashers until crispy and cooked, turning mid-way through. Remove to a plate and keep warm.

Place patties in the fry pan and fry for 3-5 minutes before flipping. Once flipped, cover the cooked side of the patties with cheese and fry for a further 3-5 minutes. Remove the pan from heat.

Now to the annoying part, assembly! I always get anxious when putting burgers together as they have a tendency to fall apart, but this order seems to be less terrible than others I’ve done resulting in the top half sliding on to the floor.

Remove sauce from fridge and liberally coat. each side of the buns. Line the base with sliced tomato and top with spinach leaves. Carefully place the hot, cheesy patty on top of the spinach (this kind of wilts the spinach and helps it stay together), then the bacon and gherkin.

Then quickly close the burger and devour so that you can’t disprove my theory that this order builds a stable burger. Thanks!

Oh, obviously serve generously with freshly cooked fries.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Christopher Porken Meatballs

Main

While it feels odd to celebrate anything relating to the Williams’ in this their time of scandal, seeing Chris and celebrating his ironic (thankfully he could confirm it) turn as Captain Hook in the extremely long-winded and completely horrible Peter Pan Live! was something we needed to do.

Yes the show was completely terrible, but we love Chris and are obviously highly supportive of his performance and his tap dancing.

We first met Chris on the set of Annie Hall where our friend Carol Kane got us a job as Diane Keaton’s vocal coach. Chris was just on the precipice of greatness with his turn in The Deer Hunter and made the time to mingle with all of his colleagues, even the entourage members / sham vocal coaches.

Thanks to the warmth and effervescent spark of Chris, we were platonically swept off our feet touring the Oscars red-carpets, hosting Hollywood soirees and sailing the SoCal coast and islands with our close friends.

As you would know, our group was struck down by tragedy when dear Natalie Wood passed away. Christopher was deeply upset and while Annelie and I tried to help him we turned to drugs while working through our own grief.

After a stint in rehab, we received a call from our friend Grace who asked for our help persuading Chris to appear in A View to a Kill. Working together on the film, we were able to work through our pain and restore our friendship, and have enjoyed a close, collaborative friendship ever since.

(Obviously the SEX book is our favourite collaboration).

Chris is still the warmest, mostly lively man we have ever met and his plot for a prequel to his Bond movie is just the sort of project we need to get back in Grace’s good, well, graces. Thankfully we threw together a quick batch of our Christopher Porken Meatballs and were able to really get the creative juices flowing.

 

Christopher Porken Meatballs_1

 

In my fat kid’s version of favourite things, meatballs are high on the list and these are the perfect example of why; spicy, fresh and versatile. You can literally chuck them with anything and you’re good to go.

Maybe don’t serve with cake? Although if it works, let us know.

Enjoy!

 

Christopher Porken Meatballs_2

 

Christopher Porken Meatballs
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g pork mince
2 tsp salt
3 pickled hot cherry peppers, finely chopped
2 slices toasted white bread, blitzed to a ghetto breadcrumb
1 small onion, very finely diced
1 large egg
1 tbsp apple cider vinegar
1 tbsp hot sauce
small handful flat leaf parsley, finely diced
good pinch of ground pepper

Method
Preheat the oven to 220°C.

Combine all of the ingredients in a large bowl and mix together. Form golf-ball sized meatballs, rolling between your hands until smooth and place onto a lined baking sheet.

Once all the balls are rolled, place tray in the oven and bake for 15-20 minutes or until cooked through.

Serve however you want, with pasta and a herby tomato sauce, on mini rolls as sliders, with mash and mushroom sauce or as we’ve done, with parmesan sauce and a salad.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

David Sespare Ribs

Americana Week, Main

Picture it, Christmas, Macy’s, 1991. Annelie had just been cast as Santa and I had successfully made the cut as a Christmas Elf after the casting director noted that he had “never seen a man so small and light in his loafers.”

It was the same year that Dave Sedaris made his triumphant debut as Crumpet the Elf (I went by the name of Twerk and inappropriately gyrated in the back of photos, inventing twerking). The three of us quickly formed the instant, unbreakable bond that can only come from working a Christmas in retail, having to endure the true horror that is the general population.

We spent the time threatening customers, warring with rival elves and trying to woo the sexy-Santa; it was glorious.

Following our time at Macy’s, we briefly travelled around with Dave working in orchards, picking up litter and hitch-hiking, before Annelie and I left him to flourish while we headed back to LA to scam some celebrities and avoid real work.

Despite his success and penchant to work hard, he has always admired our hustle and lack of work ethic, and we in turn admire him for that.

We dropped in to New York on the way to Washington and thought we should catch up with Dave and his sister Amy, in the hope that we could steal his latest manuscript and hock it as our own and get a voice role on BoJack Horseman as our relationship with Will Arnett has soured without Ames (Poehler) constantly requesting he give us another chance.

To sweeten the deal/bribe them, we decided to make some all-American David Sespare Ribs.

 

David Sespare Ribs_1

 

All together smokey, sweet and with a kick of heat, these are quite possibly the best ribs you can make … other than the ones you “made” by purchasing them from the Rammer Jammer.

Enjoy!

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Friendster, FriendFace, Myspace and YouFace coming soon.

 

David Sespare Ribs_2

David Sespare Ribs
Serves: 4-6

Ingredients
1 x 1.5kg – 2kg rack BBQ ribs
2 cups apple juice

Dry rub
4 tablespoons smoked paprika
6 tablespoons brown sugar
2 tablespoons celery salt
2 teaspoons chipotle chilli powder
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
2 teaspoons ground ginger
2 teaspoons mustard powder
1 teaspoon onion powder
1 teaspoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon salt flakes

Grilling sauce
2 cups of your favourite barbecue sauce
2 cinnamon sticks
1 cup apple juice

Method
Combine all dry rub ingredients. Rub over rack of ribs and refrigerate, covered, for at least three hours or overnight.

When it is time to cook, preheat oven to 140 C. Place ribs in roasting tray with ½ cup of apple juice, cover tightly with foil. Roast for 3 hours, topping up apple juice every hour, until fork tender.

Meanwhile, combine cinnamon sticks and apple juice in saucepan over medium heat. Simmer gently until reduced by half. Remove cinnamon stick and stir in salt and pepper.

Generously cover ribs with barbecue sauce. Grill under high heat for 5 minutes or until dark and sticky.

Mickey Rooney Cheese

Americana Week, Main

The year was 1962 and life was grand, except for the part where Mickey Rooney put a hit out on us.

Ben and I met Mickey in the late 1930s at the height of his Vaudeville days – as fellow Vaudevillians we bonded instantly. Our deep friendship allowed us to convince him to take the iconic role as Breakfast at Tiffany’s Mr Yunioshi, something he regretted but we certainly didn’t.

In addition to scouting roles for Mickey, we also managed his financial affairs, inevitably leading to his extraordinary bankruptcy in 1962. Look, we tried to tell him, Mickey – you need to lay off the alcohol, the burgers and the women – but he wouldn’t listen to his closest friends.

Time (and alcohol-riddled events) softened the rift between us, however it was only now that Ben and I decided to time-travel back to 2012 and make proper amends with our old friend.

Mickey Rooney is a true hollywood hero amongst us. Vanity Fair lauded him as the original hollywood trainwreck – something not even Ben and I have been able to top. After eight marriages (seven of which we split up), two bankruptcies and one yellow-face saga, his legacy is truly worthy of admiration. Farewell to you and your clusterfuck of a life, Mr Rooney.

 

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We needed to offer something simultaneously comforting and denture-appropriate. Something that went down well with a few cheeky beverages as we reminisced and cat-fought over days gone by. Mickey Rooney Cheese seemed the perfect option.

Also guys, as we are so social and so technologically advanced we have gone nuts on the social medias. You should follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Friendster, FriendFace, Myspace and YouFace coming soon.

 

FullSizeRender

 

Mickey Rooney Cheese
Serves: 8

Ingredients
500g macaroni pasta
4 tablespoons butter
4 tablespoons flour
3 cups milk
1 cup cream
2 cups mixed grated cheese (we prefer cheddar, gruyere and parmesan)
2 tablespoons dijon mustard
200g stale sourdough, processed into crumbs
1/2 cup melted butter, extra

Method
Preheat oven to 180 degrees. Bring a large pot of salted water to the boil. Cook macaroni according to packet directions.

While macaroni is cooking, make a roux with butter and flour. Whisk in milk, cream and mustard and simmer until thickened. Add 1.5 cups cheese and season to taste. In a separate bowl, mix bread crumbs and additional butter.

Mix macaroni and cheese sauce together and pour into 8-cup capacity baking dish. Top with bread crumb mixture and sprinkle with 1/2 cup leftover cheese. Bake in hot oven for 20 minutes or until breadcrumbs are toasted and cheese is melted.

Buffalec Baldwin Chicken Meatball Poppers

Americana Week, Main, Party Food, Side, Snack

While our relationship with Alec Baldwin is volatile (let’s be honest, do any of the three of us have a non-volatile relationship?), it can not be denied that the man is an American icon and as such earns his place on our Americana Week celebrations.

We first met Alec on the set of Beetlejuice where we were his sworn enemies, but were won over while working together on Working Girl (we were script advisors) and it is this up and down between love and hate that has defined our relationship over the decades.

After we got him the role of The Shadow, he vowed to never turn away from us again and it was following its horrific release when he first used the term cocksucking faggot. The second time was after we called him useless in our lauded film, Team America.

Following years feuding and feeding information to Kim Basinger (we leaked the conversation with Ireland) and the paps, our dear friend Teens got in touch on his behalf, hoping that she can help mend our fences once and for all.

While the 30 Rock years were dreamy for our relationship, it has been strained ever since when he, again, referred to me as a cocksucking faggot to reporters. How dare he not mention that I was also beautiful? I do not tolerate sub-standard compliments (I don’t see how being a cocksucking faggot, isn’t a good thing).

Alec heard that we were in the country at the behest of Barack and wanted to try and win me back following his thoughtless oversights and as such, we dropped by.

To say Alec was laying on the charm is a major understatement, complimenting our high-Hollywood-society return (we assume he wants a career boost) and was hoping to get an invite to White House (please).

The only consolation we could offer was a batch of (his favourite) Buffalec Baldwin Chicken Meatball Poppers!

 

Buffalec Baldwin Chicken Meatball Poppers_1

 

Like Alec, the balls are fiery and really pack a punch. If you’re not a fan of blue cheese, you could leave it out and ignore the stuffing steps.

Obviously Alec wanted me to leave in the cheese, he never could resist the creamy ooze from my balls popping in his mouth.

Enjoy!

Also guys, as we are so social and so technologically advanced we have gone nuts on the social medias. You should follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Friendster, FriendFace, Myspace and YouFace coming soon.

 

Buffalec Baldwin Chicken Meatball Poppers_2

 

Buffalec Baldwin Chicken Meatball Poppers
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
2 tablespoons olive oil
¼ cup unsalted butter
⅓ cup hot sauce, plus more for serving
500g chicken mince
1 egg
½ cup celery, minced in food processor
½ cup carrot, minced in food processor
¾ cups dried breadcrumbs
1 teaspoons coarse salt
150g (ish) blue cheese, broken into small shards

Method
Preheat oven to 180 C.

Place butter and hot sauce in a small saucepan and cook, whisking, over low heat until butter is melted and hot sauce is well incorporated. Remove from heat and transfer to a bowl to cool until room temperature (about 10 minutes).

Add chicken, eggs, celery, carrot, breadcrumbs and salt to bowl with the butter/hot sauce mixture and mix until well combined. Roll chicken mixture into large walnut sized round balls, flatten and place a piece of blue cheese in the centre, closing the meat around it.

Place balls on a lined prepared baking sheet, arranging in rows so that they are touching. Transfer to oven and bake until cooked, about 15 minutes.

Take out of oven and leave to stand for about 5 minutes before serving platter. Drizzle with extra hot sauce if desired, otherwise just devour.

Mini Beaf Arthur & Mushroom Pies

Main, Party Food, Snack

Time travel is a many splendored thing, despite what The Butterfly Effect would have you believe. I mean, it isn’t all hover boards and future lotto numbers (although that reminds me…), but getting to spend time with dearly departed friends and experiencing major historical events (we were on the Titanic and accidentally caused the Captain to hit the iceberg) and even experienced Jurassic World when the world was in the actual Jurassic period.

It is fucking ace.

Thankfully we didn’t venture quite so far back this time (we weren’t wanting to be present for Stockard Channing’s birth or anything), dropping in to the late 80s to the set of The Golden Girls to discuss the importance of our placement on Bea Arthur’s will.

We have been dropping in on The Golden Girls for the best part of a decade now to experience the joys of the show first hand … and to try and earn Guest-Star Emmy’s by recasting ourselves into the episodes (it is actually Ben playing the Elvis impersonator played by Quentin Tarantino).

While at first dear Bea wasn’t thrilled to hear our visit had an ulterior motive, when we laid out our plans for the museum she was moved to tears by our love, adoration and the promise to ban Betty White (we love you Bets, but you know we need this museum to work for our grand plans to take off…).

Oh and obviously the Mini Beaf Arthur and Mushroom Pies didn’t hurt the deal!

 

Mini Beaf Arthur & Mushroom Pies_1

 

There is nothing better than a dirty street pie, except of course a dirty home-made pie. By no stretch of the imagination is this meal dignified, but to me a good pie will never be dignified; chunks of veggies and meat bathed in rich gravy with a nice whack of pepper … to the extent that when I make this it is practically a pepper steak pie.

Obviously drown in tommy sauce for final, glorious impact!

Enjoy!

Also guys, as we are so social and so technologically advanced we have gone nuts on the social medias. You should follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Friendster, FriendFace, Myspace and YouFace coming soon.

 

Mini Beaf Arthur & Mushroom Pies_2

 

Mini Beaf Arthur & Mushroom Pies
Makes: 18.

Ingredients
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1 brown onion, halved, finely chopped
2 garlic cloves, crushed
500g lean beef mince
large handful mushrooms, sliced
1 carrot, peeled, coarsely grated
1 stalk of celery, coarsely grated
1 cup beef stock
1 tablespoon flour
1 tablespoon tomato paste
2 sheets shortcrust pastry, just thawed
2 sheets ready-rolled puff pastry, just thawed
salt and pepper, to taste
1 egg, lightly whisked

Method
Heat oil in a medium frying pan over medium heat. Add onion and garlic and cook, stirring, for 2 minutes or until onion softens. Add the mince and cook, stirring / breaking up any lumps with a spoon, for 5 minutes or until browned. Add the carrot, celery and mushrooms and stir until well combined.

Add flour and tomato paste to mince mixture and cook, stirring, for a minute. Pour in beef stock and cook, again stirring, until sauce thickens slightly. Remove from heat. Cover and set aside for 30 minutes to cool.

Preheat oven to 180°C. Cut the shortcrust pastry sheets into 18 even squares. Line eighteen muffin pans with the shortcrust pastry squares. Spoon mince mixture among pastry cases.

Cut puff pastry sheets into 18 even squares. Top each pie with a pastry square, scrunching any excess around the edge for decoration. Brush tops with egg.

Bake in oven for 20 minutes or until golden brown. Remove from oven and set aside in the pans for 5 minutes to cool. Serve pies with tommy sauce.

Empanada Stone

Main, Party Food, Snack

You know what is odd about our friendship with Emma Stone? We didn’t meet her in any kind of institution or other involuntary lock-up that normally leads to such beautiful friendships. Look, Ben did get locked up briefly after befriending two delightful old ducks from Washington and proceeding to get raucously drunk and heckle Emma during a performance of Cabaret – but Ben’s unceremonious turfing out wasn’t Emma’s fault. Despite taking out a restraining order against us, she clearly loved the fuss.

So how did we meet? Emma she had just finished filming Easy A and found that we had a mutual nemesis – the eternally smug-faced Penn Badgley. Penn attempted to steal Ben’s identity when he was majorly internet famous during the Great Moustache Cultivation of 2013. Let’s be honest, you don’t really need a reason to hate Penn Badgley, so having one was a bonus.

While our antics may have gotten Penn sectioned, Ben and I stayed out of involuntary confinement for a change – all in all a great success.

 

emma1

 

Despite the Cabaret incident, Emma has fond memories of the days of sabotaging Penn. As she now has a vendetta against whoever cast her in Aloha, she wanted to come over for lunch and discuss a glorious new revenge plot. We needed a recipe that would work like our fool-proof schemes – soft and buttery and inviting on the outside, with a fiery inferno waiting within. It had to be Empanada Stones.

Also guys, as we are so social and so technologically advanced we have gone nuts on the social medias. You should follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Friendster, FriendFace, Myspace and YouFace coming soon.

 

emma 2

 

Empanada Stone
Serves: 16 empanadas

Ingredients
Dough
2.5 cups plain flour
150g butter, cold
1 teaspoon salt
1 large egg
1 tablespoon white vinegar
iced water, to bind

Filling
500g minced beef
2 eggs, hard boiled and cooled
100g chopped mixed olives
1 brown onion, finely diced
2 cloves garlic, crushed2 tablespoons tomato paste
1  cup beef stock
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 teaspoon cumin
1 tablespoon dried oregano

Egg, additional for washing pastry

Method
Dough
Rub butter into sifted flour. Stir through egg and vinegar, and then add iced water until pastry binds. Knead gently until a disc is formed. Wrap in clingfilm and refrigerate for 30 mins.

Filling
Brown mince and soften onion in a large stove-top casserole dish. Add garlic, tomato paste and spices and cook until aromatic. Add stock and simmer for 30 minutes or until thick.

Stir through olives and chopped egg and allow mixture to cool to room temperature.

Assembly
Heat oven to 180 degrees C. Grease and line a large baking tray.

Roll out pastry to approximately 0.5cm thick and cut rounds of desired size. Fill with 2-3 tablespoons of mixture and press to seal, pressing with a fork along the sealed edge.Brush each empanada lightly with egg wash.

Bake 20-25 mins or until golden and crisp.