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Abi-Maria GoMezze Plate

Main, Party Food, Side, Snack, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

Let us all pause and have a moment silence as our dear, sweet, feisty Abi-Maria was once again booted a week before the finale. Albeit this time, in an episode marked by dueling golden showers and Demon Tasha aka DT.

Speaking of DT, she has had many moments of insufferability however it was the callous way she cut our beautiful friend Abi AND mocked the dreamiest castaway of the season Keith, that finally cemented her status as the most dislikable cast member. Probably ever.

And before you even start rumours, no, we had nothing to do with her “near” drowning.

Either way, welcome back to the fold, Dr Joe! What a shame Wigles couldn’t secure as much screen time in her triumphant return.

But I’ve digressed.

As you could easily assume, our history with our close friend Abi-Maria pre-dates her appearances on Survivor after meeting in our Nicki Minaj led anger management. Nicki saw the brilliant, calm natures we all possessed and bonded us like a sisterhood, thankfully without a weird pair of pants for us all to share.

We spent the following years being zen and hanging out before deciding that one if not all of us should compete on Survivor to get closer to Probst’s bed. As Abi was the only one eligible, we through all of our resources behind getting her on the show and rigging a cast of clowns for her to dominate.

Then Annelie and I met Malcolm and tragically for Abi (but wonderfully for us), we fell into bed with him and went about rigging the season with him in mind. We could go on but long story short, we went into court ordered sex therapy, were treated by Denise who then weaseled her way on to the season and stole the win from our true friends by whispering our names to Malcs during final immunity to spook him.

It was a rough few months after the truth came out to Abs, but we felt it only fair that we be dead to her for all the pain and heartache we had caused. Thankfully her kind heart shone through and she forgave us during the Anti-RC AGM.

Going into Second Chances, Abi had the odds stacked against her but thanks to her plucky determination and general charm, she was able to weave her way through the pre-merge game and a horror stint on Angkor to sit pretty behind her witch shield at the merge.

Sadly her sterling resume and on point voting record got the better of her and she was sent to our open arms in Ponderosa as a jury threat to devour our Abi-Maria GoMezze Plate!

 

Abi-Maria GoMezze Plate_1

 

Like Abi, the plate is spicy, sweet and everything you need in life and more. Well done sweet angel – we can’t wait to rig Heroes vs. Villains 2 for you!

Enjoy!

 

Abi-Maria GoMezze Plate_2

 

Abi-Maria GoMezze Plate
Serves: 6-8, or 1 blindsided juror, her emotionally unstable friends and Savage’s teen headwear.

Ingredients
Hummus
400g can of chickpeas, reserving some of the liquid
2 tsp tahini
1 garlic clove, crushed
½ tsp crushed sea salt
3 tbsp quality extra virgin olive oil
2 tbsp freshly squeezed lemon juice
Smoked paprika, to garnish
Parsley leaves, to garnish

Meatballs
1 kg beef mince
1 large red onion, grated
½ bunch dill, finely chopped
2 tbsp dried spearmint leaves
1 tbsp dried chilli
1 tsp cumin
1 cup short grain rice
1 tsp salt
50 ml olive oil
2 cups passata
1 lemon, juiced

Dolmades (thanks SBS, I had no idea)
220 grams long-grain rice (rinsed)
2 tsps ground allspice
1 tsp chili flakes (dried)
1/2 tsp chili powder
1 tsp dried oregano
1 bunch mint leaves (chopped)
1/2 bunch Italian parsley leaves (chopped)
3 tomatoes (roughly chopped)
1 purple onion (finely chopped)
2 lemon (1 zested, 2 juiced, plus extra wedges, to serve)
80 vine leaves (soaked in cold water for 30 minutes)
185 ml olive oil
4 garlic cloves (peeled)

Lemon & Chili Potatoes
3 small potatoes
clove of garlic, crushed and chopped
1 tbsp chilli flakes
juice of one lemon
2-3 tbsp oil

Haloumi
500g haloumi
Olive oil, for frying
Lemon wedges, to serve
Salt and pepper

Roasted peppers, stripped
Olives
Pita, toasted and cut into strips

Method
Hummus
Rinse the chickpeas in cold water and blitz in a food processor with the tahini, crushed garlic, salt, lemon juice and a generous dash of the reserved chickpea liquid, slowly pouring oil in as you go.

When smooth and at the desired consistency, place into a serving dish. Drizzle with some more extra virgin olive oil and sprinkle with paprika or finely chopped parsley leaves, for colour.

Meatballs
Preheat oven to 180C.

Combine the mince, onion, dill, spearmint, chilli, cumin, rice, salt and olive oil and roll into fat walnut sized balls and placing into a large baking dish.

Cover with the passata and bake for about 40 minutes until meat is cooked.

Remove from the oven and pour over the lemon juice and serve with some of the cooking liquid.

Dolmades
Cook rice in boiling salted water for 8 minutes or until par-cooked. Drain, refresh under cold running water, then drain again. Cool slightly.

Place rice, allspice, chilli flakes and powder, oregano, mint, parsley, tomatoes, onion and lemon zest in a bowl and mix to combine.

To assemble, place 2 heaped teaspoons of rice mixture in centre of a leaf (leaves should be 12 cm x 12 cm; layer 2 leaves if necessary). Fold in sides and roll up to enclose filling, then place upright in a saucepan. Repeat with remaining rice mixture and leaves, ensuring dolmades are snugly packed in pan.

Whisk lemon juice and oil in a bowl and pour over dolmades. Stuff garlic in between dolmades, then cover and cook over low heat for 1½ hours or until rice and leaves are tender (add extra oil or water if liquid has evaporated). Cool to room temperature, then refrigerate for at least 3 hours or until cold. Serve with extra lemon wedges.

Lemon & Chilli Potatoes
Preheat oven to 200C.

Finely slice potatoes into 5mm half-moon discs, coat in oil and bake in the oven for 15 minutes.

Sprinkle with garlic and chilli and bake for a further 5 minutes. Remove from the oven, pour over the lemon juice and add a good whack of salt and pepper.

Devour.

Haloumi
Cut haloumi into 5mm slices. Heat frying pan up and drizzle with olive oil. Cook haloumi for around 3 minutes, turning just once.

Serve and season with salt and pepper, squeezing lemon juice over the top.

Plating
Roasted peppers, stripped
Olives
Pita, toasted and cut into strips

 

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Sloppy Joe Anglim

Main, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

Let me start by saying there is nothing sloppy about our dear friend, aspirational love, yoga enthusiast, challenge-beast and Survivor Macgyver 2.0 (sorry, nothing beats Peih-Gee smuggling supplies in her clothing) Joe-gel Anglim.

Our pants after we see him however…but I digress.

We first met Joe at Northern Arizona University where Joe was playing volleyball and we were trialling a supplements program with the football team which would later go on to get us a job working on Lance Armstrong’s medical team.

While Joe was disappointed in our dishonest and highly illegal conduct, our undying love and devotion (which went on to inspire the film Fatal Attraction) was too intoxicating for him and we have remained close ever since.

Going into Second Chances Joe arguably had one of the biggest targets on his back, but was able to survive by generally being a boss, a babe and, well, immune for the first four weeks. He sadly made his way out of the game and over to the jury after a crushing collapse/fainting spell at the end of what feels like the first non-ball related immunity challenge – if only he had more experience holding on to a rapidly extending pole!

Well that is what it looked like, at least!

We are pleased to confirm that Joe didn’t really need any smelling salts, but instead realised he was too good for the game and didn’t want to continue embarrassing people so opted to fake a faint, take himself out of the game and celebrate with a delicious Sloppy Joe Anglim with his forced concubine (which sadly included an uninvited Savage).

 

Sloppy Joe Anglim_1

 

Like Joe, these delightful, meaty treats can fix all of your problems, solve world peace and can (give you sustenance to) build literally anything useful out of mediocre objects.

Obviously, we made them extra sloppy – just how he likes them! Enjoy!

 

Sloppy Joe Anglim_2

 

Sloppy Joe Anglim
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
1 onion, diced
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 green capsicum
350ml passata
¼ cup tomato ketchup
1 tsp american mustard
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
a few drops to a lug of hot sauce, to taste
1 tbsp dark brown sugar
125ml of cold water
a good whack of salt & black pepper, to taste

Method
Cook off the mince and onion in a heated frying pan, ensuring that the meat is browned and broken up as you go.

Add the minced garlic and capsicum, cooking for a further few minutes.

Add the passata, tomato ketchup, mustard, Worcestershire sauce, hot sauce, brown sugar and water, stirring to combine.

Bring the mixture to the boil. Once it is bubbling away like a Ponderosa sauna, turn the heat right down and leave it to simmer for about half an hour.

If it looks dry, add a bit of water or passata and heat. Otherwise, serve on soft burger rolls with plenty of cheese and a pickle.

Obviously we waited until after the meal for our pickle.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Nicki Spinaj and Cheese Triangles

Main, Party Food, Side, Snack

Like us, our close friend Nicki was always destined for fame and I would argue, that is what first drew us together at the anger management facility.

While we have a strong friendship with Nickers’, based on trust, respect and non-physical rage, there have been notable feuds in our past. I mean, who can tolerate Sophia-Grace and Woesie. Eye-roll emoji.

Despite questionable taste in hangers-on like them, I guess we are proof that sometimes they can turn out alright, and knowing that, always helps bring us back together.

After leaving the facility – thanks to Nickers’ glowing recommendation – we convinced her that her talents were wasted helping people and that she needed to do something truly meaningful like rapping and feuding with Mariah.

(The only good thing Mariah can do is a Christmas album, let’s be honest).

Nek minute, Nicki was flying high like a starship and became a global sensation with us by her side to help her scheme, feud and throw some glorious side eye. Fun fact, the what’s good phrase is Annelie’s go to throwdown line if I eat the last piece of cake.

Such a spicy, exciting bond can only be summed up by one thing – our Nicki Spinaj and Cheese triangles.

 

Nikki Spinaj and Cheese Triangles_1

 

Cheese is literally the best thing to ever happen to the planet (aside from us and wine) and well, any receptacle that helps get hot, gooey cheese from a plate to my mouth is a win. Throw in the freshness of spinach and dill and you’ve got a heavenly, creamy-sharp orgy happening in your mouth.

Enjoy!

 

Nikki Spinaj and Cheese Triangles_2

 

Nicki Spinaj and Cheese Triangles
Makes: 24.

Ingredients
375g frozen spinach, thawed
125g Greek feta, crumbled
125g ricotta, crumbled
1 tablespoon dill, chopped
2 eggs, lightly beaten
salt and pepper, to taste
375g pack filo pastry
oil, for brushing

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Drain all of liquid from the spinach and mix in a medium bowl with the feta, ricotta, dill, eggs, salt and pepper, until combined.

Brush oil between three layers of pastry and place on top of each other. Cut pastry into three long strips.

Place about a tablespoon of the mixture in a corner of each strip. Fold diagonally to form a triangle and then repeat with remaining filo and spinach mixture until all used up.

Place parcels (join-side down) on a baking tray and brush with oil, and bake for 15 to 18 minutes until crisp.

Serve with sweet chili, a spicy tomato sauce or aioli. Or by themselves.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Stephen Grilled Fishbach

Main, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

Ahhhh, Stephen. This year’s recipient of the humiliating, bumbling trombone-backed fool edit.

I have to admit, I was almost pleased to witness Stephen’s futile attempts at twig snapping, abysmal slingshotting and generally failing at everything around camp. This is because there is a rivalry that runs deep between us. You see, I had set up a complex pyramid scheme designed to grift Tocantins victor JT Thomas out of his million dollar prize. Again proving that he was the brains behind JT’s win, Fish saw right through my scam and stopped JT from investing in my 1800-PROBSTY telephone sex line.

In Second Chances, Stephen found himself a more glorious version of JT to lust after- he went full-on Single White Female and got a little bit lost in Joe’s beauty. Despite this, his strategy of taking out one of the major threats was sound. Perhaps if he’d spent less time being simultaneously painfully awkward and sexually aggressive (is that even possible?) he could have come through with the goods one way or another.

Well, that is if he didn’t get a violent case of the trots.

Fish, why do you keep trying to take what is rightfully ours?

Ben actually caused Fishy’s ‘gastro-intestinal distress’ by slipping a large quantity of laxatives into his water canteen. Yes, we were responsible for the glorious shit fountain and the ensuing ocean deuce. Hands off our man Fish – we don’t mess around when it comes to dreamy mcmansome Joe!

After Stephen’s explosive diarrhoea and not-so-covert aquadump was caught on camera by a helipoopter helicopter, we thought he might want a meal slightly more gentle on that fraught tum-tum of his.

 

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The Stephen Grilled Fishbach is healthy and light without being bland. Served with coleslaw, this fibre-packed meal is guaranteed to cork up even the most ghastly case of brown thunder down under.

 

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Stephen Grilled Fishbach
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
4 x 150-200g reef fish fillets, scales and bones removed
4 tablespoons plain flour
2 lemons, cut into wedges
Salt and Pepper

Slaw
½ head red cabbage
½ head white cabbage
2 carrots
½ bunch celery
2 granny smith apples
1 small red onion
½ cup greek yoghurt
4 tablespoons whole egg mayonnaise
2 teaspoons apple cider vinegar

Method
Shred carrots, cabbages, apples and onion. Finely chop celery. Combine in a large bowl.

Whisk together mayonnaise, yoghurt and cider vinegar and mix through slaw mix. Refrigerate 1-2 hours for best flavour.

When ready to serve, season the flour with salt and pepper and dredge fish. In a hot oiled pan, grill fish fillets, in batches, until cooked through. Serve with lemon wedges and slaw.

Brined Littrell Turkey

Backstreet's back give thanks!, Main

While our relationship with his cousin Kevs started off strained, there has never been anything but love between us and Brian. That probably had something to do with the fact we were wooing him to bring Kevs down.

Despite our nefarious plot to use Brian as our pawn, the sweet, delightful guy won us over and helped us heal our issues with Kevin and our broken dreams.

Brian has always had to struggle what with his heart defect and vocal cord dysphonia, yet he has always handled himself with such grace and kindness. Being our polar opposite, we find that intriguing and exciting and have endeavoured to stay close ever since.

Don’t tell him, but we secretly tried to bring down Nick after he bullied him due to his vocal cord issues – no one messes with our sweet, delicate angel. (We made up though obviously, we had to find someone to help us bring Bindi down).

Our friendship with Brian, and I don’t think I am overstating this, has been the most nourishing, fulfilling and generous (non-sexual) relationship in our lives which made our thanksgiving menu planning a breeze.

I mean, what is more nourishing and fulfilling than a Brined Littrell Turkey?

 

Brined Littrell Turkey_1

 

While turkey and the rest of its friends in the poultry family have a nasty habit of going dry, a perfectly brined bird maintains the moistness of the meat and infuses it with a flavour you can’t resist.

Enjoy!

 

Brined Littrell Turkey_2

 

Brined Littrell Turkey
Serves: 12.

Ingredients
4 cups water
¾ cup maldon salt
½ cup honey
4 cups salt-reduced chicken stock
1 tbsp peppercorns
8 sprigs fresh rosemary, to brine
fresh turkey, size 50, neck and giblets removed for the gravy (discard liver)
1 small onion, peeled and quartered
1 fuji apple, quartered
1 bulb garlic, halved
4 sprigs rosemary, for baking
⅓ cup olive oil

Method
The day before you plan to eat, make the brine by bringing the water, salt, honey, stock, peppercorns and rosemary to the boil in a large saucepan, stirring to dissolve salt. Cool to room temperature.

Once cooled, place brine mixture in a large clean bucket or pot and add 4 litres of iced water. Place turkey in the liquid, breast side down to avoid tit-soup, cover and refrigerate overnight, ensuring the turkey is fully submerged. You may need to add more cold water.

To roast the turkey, preheat oven to 160C.

Remove turkey from brine (discard the liquid, definitely don’t drink it) and rinse thoroughly, inside and out, with cool water and dry thoroughly. Season the turkey cavity with salt and pepper and stuff with onion, apple, garlic and rosemary. Place on a roasting rack inside a large roasting pan, tucking the wings back. Rub the turkey with oil and season with salt and pepper. Cover the breast portion with foil and place on the lowest rack in oven (aka the only one that will allow it to fit) and roast for two hours.

Remove the foil and increase the heat up to 220C and roast for a further 45 minutes. Remove the turkey from the oven and insert a thermometer between the breast and thigh (avoiding bones), if it is 75C it is ready.

Remove turkey from the pan, place on a large platter and tent with foil to rest for 20 minutes. Carve, devour, etc.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Kelly Piglesworth In Blankets

Main, Party Food, Side, Snack, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

Kelly, Kelly, Kelly – we barely knew thee!

While Kelly Wiglesworth was the poster-child for the concept of the entire Second Chances  season, it has widely been noted that after the first episode she disappeared – ladies and gentlemen that is because, we are 63% sure, she did.

You see, being out on location we were privy to a lot of behind the scenes content and rumours and there were definitely times when it appeared Wiggity was replaced by a hologram or a cardboard cut-out, so that she could practice yoga and avoid fielding Probsty’s questions.

We first met our dear friend Wiggity in Mexico, when we were at an exclusive health retreat (aka rehab). Wigs was the Rafting Activities Director of the retreat and fell for us because opposites attract (she loved our animated stair dancing too).

She was living far of the grid at the time, and still is, but found our passion for technological interconnectedness intriguing, arousing and mildly terrifying – our passionate devotion to her as the first, first-loser of Survivor probably helped the bond a little too.

Despite having what felt like one confessional during the entire nine episodes, Kelly will always be a star to us … despite forming a very close bond with our future lover, Joe. As an aside, how glorious was Joe’s shower scene?

Anyway, we were thrilled she was away from our man, but sad that once again she failed to join the winner’s circle – thankfully we had our Kelly Piglesworth in Blankets to cheer us up (slash soak up the alcohol from Kass and Savage’s continuing bender)

 

Kelly Piglesworth in Blankets_1

 

We’ve always been honest about our love of trashy, tasty food and our Piglesworth in Blankets definitely fit the bill – pillowy, cheesy dough, hugging a sausage? Delicious. Not dignified, but delicious.

It makes me miss Joe …

Enjoy!

 

Kelly Piglesworth in Blankets_2

 

Kelly Piglesworth in Blankets
Makes: 48 … which is enough for one disinterested castaway who got their torch snuffed for the first time after 15 years on the bench and two boozey co-jurors that are falling in love.

Ingredients
2 ½ cups plain flour
5 tsp baking powder
1 heaped tsp salt
2 tbsp grated Parmesan
1 cup milk
1 egg
3 tablespoons olive oil
48 pork chipolatas
1 egg whisked with a dash of milk, to glaze

Method
Preheat the oven to 200°C.

Place 2 cups of flour in a bowl with the salt and parmesan, combining with a fork. Beat the milk, egg and oil to combine and add to the dry ingredients, mixing as you go. Trust your gut, if the dough seems dry, add more milk, too wet, add more flour.

Split the dough into two pieces. Roll one on a lightly floured surface to make a 5mm thick rectangle. Cut the dough into 5cm-ish strips and then each strip into 7cm(again ish) lengths.

Working a chipolata at a time, wrap the dough around the sausage, squeezing the overlap together to complete the sausage-snuggie and place on a lined baking sheet. Repeat the process until the dough is gone, roll out the second sheet of dough, slice it up and repeat the wrapping.

You’ll probably need two large baking sheets.

Using a pastry brush, glaze the dough; place them in the oven and bake for 12 to 15 minutes.

Remove from the oven, leave to cool for ten/fifteen minutes and then devour … preferably with wine, Kass, Savage and a cut-out/hologram of Wiggy.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

(Oh and hi Reddit, we love you – particularly /u/Shuberto, this is for you)

Duck à la Solange

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Where do I even begin to explain the deep, complex, passionate platonic-love story between us and our dear friend SoKnow?

We first met So during the late 90s, when the world was quickly falling crazy in love with Beyoncé and the rest of the destiny’s children. SoKnow, filled with so much creative talent and energy, needed a way to burn through her untapped potential and joined the Upper Whitney Houston chapter of our Extreme Fight Club.

SoKnow excelled from a young age (picture a kind, likeable version of Ronda Rousey) and rose through to ranks where we met her at our EFC Centre in East Hollywood – did I mention we turned it into a religion/cult like Scientology?

Our bond with Solange was instantaneous and continued over the decades, with So becoming one of our most trusted friends, advisors and confidantes. She was the only person we trusted to keep Jay-Z in line after breaking the first rule of fight club, to not talk about fight club.

Obviously as founders, we are exempt from such rules. Jay-Z is not above the rules.

It was so great catching up with SoKnow after such a busy year – we hadn’t realised that our hard work had led us to our 100th recipe milestone, but you better believe she did.

Knowing our penchant for wanky gifts, she looked through Chloe Sevigny’s list of must haves (I mean, who doesn’t want to never speak to Jeanne Tripplehorn again) and arrived with a vintage half-kaftan by Vivienne Westwood Gold Label, an ironic art smock by Balenciaga le dix, imitation pants by Cacharel and stand-up comedy classes.

The only way we could repay her support, kindness and generosity was a meal of our famous Duck à la Solange.

 

Duck à la Solange_1

 

The 80s have had a strong impact on our lives, none more so than the delicacies of a kitsch kitchen. While I have always had a soft spot for the idea of Duck à l’orange, I hate orange in cooking. Enter, the sublimeness of SoKnow – crispy skin duck with Grand Marnier and sour cherry glaze to dial back the overpowering orange flavour, leaving you with a gloriously rich, tangy citrus to cut through the duck.

Enjoy!

Oh, and thank you for reading – you’re the best and you’re beautiful, but not as good or as beautiful as us. Obviously.

 

Duck à la Solange_2

 

Duck à la Solange
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
2 duck breasts
1 tsp salt
1 sprig rosemary, finely chopped
2 tbsp unsalted butter
1 cup pitted cherries
freshly ground black pepper, to taste
30ml Grand Marnier
½ cup chicken stock
1 tsp cornflour

Method
Score the skin of each duck breast with diagonal lines, cutting into the fat but not into the flesh and rub with the salt and chopped rosemary.

On a medium hot pan, seal the skin side of the duck breasts for about 10 minutes, skimming the fat if it gets too excessive. Once the skin has crisped, turn the breast over and seal on the other side. Cook the breasts for a total of about 20 minutes, turning for a few minutes to seal the remaining sides. Remove from the pan and leave to rest in a warm place for about 15 minutes.

Add the butter to the dark fat and cook to a nut brown before adding the cherries and a good whack of pepper. Deglaze the pan with the Grand Marnier and then add the stock and cornflour, increasing the temperature until the sauce has reduced down to a syrupy glaze.

Serve the duck on crispy fried potatoes or fried broccolini, doused in the cherry-citrus glaze.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Kass McChickllen

Main, Party Food, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

Oy vey – why oh why did we have to lose our dear, sweet Chaos Kass?

We’ve been friends with the breakout Cagayan star slash villain turned Second Chances hero since our old law school days. Kass was a shy, retiring type in college so we took her under our wings and became her unwanted life coaches.

While our advice generally resulted in lawsuits against her rather, she remembered we were Survivor super fans when she was cast in Cagayan and re-enlisted our services due to our cut-throat, callous and heavily deranged behaviour where we coached her to third place.

We would have gotten her the win (using a combination of bribes and sexual favours on our part), if it wasn’t for that meddling kid, our (now) friend, Woo.

Kass came into Cambodia with arguably the biggest target on her back but was able to woo (no pun intended) people to her side with her truly kind and loving nature – thankfully she avoided tribal for such a long time that she was able to connect with everyone!

As usual, the merge episode was complete and utter bedlam with alliances shifting and people trying to find their place to secure their path to the final tribal however this season instead of targeting the biggest, physical threats the two smallest women were the targets.

Obviously because they were the two smartest players left. Oh and I’m guessing that has something to do with the fact that Spencer desperately wants to swing with Joe? I don’t usually like Spencer, however I have to admire his exquisite taste in men – and I mean, the thirst is real, so why would anyone target our current bae?

So while Kind/Kumbaya/Kalm Kass made her exit to Ponderosa, she was buoyed by the fact that she was able improve upon her placement from her last season to become the Queen of the Jury, rather than the last loser on the jury. You just know that called for a jubilantly, sorrowful Kass McChickllen.

 

Kass McChicklen_1

 

This is may come as a shock to you, but this recipe is an homage to the famous burger from our friend Bozo the Bush and his Golden Arches … and a pretty good one at that.

Spicy, sweet, lovely and a little bit naughty this is everything our dear Kass brings to the game and more – thankfully we get to enjoy her for the rest of the season, giving Eliza Orlins sass from the loser’s bench. We can dream, right?

While we are dreaming, can we have Third time’s the Charm greenlit yet? You can even just send this cast back out again, I don’t mind!

Enjoy!

 

Kass McChicklen_2

 

Kass McChickllen
Serves: 4

Ingredients
500g chicken mince
1 egg
1 cup water
1 cup plain flour
2 tsp salt
1 tsp onion powder
¼ tsp ground black pepper
⅛ tsp garlic powder
4 sesame seed hamburger buns
iceberg lettuce, chopped
vegetable oil, for “shallow” frying

Sauce
60ml mayonnaise
⅛ tsp onion powder

Method
Place the chicken mince in a large bowl and season generously with salt and pepper. Divide into four patties and place in the fridge to set for at least an hour. While you’re refrigerating things, combine the sauce ingredients and refrigerate until needed.

Beat the egg and stir with the water in a large, shallow bowl and combine the flour, salt, pepper, onion powder and garlic powder in a second bowl.

Grab the patties out of the fridge and coat each with the flour mixture, remove and dredge each filet in the egg mixture, before coating in the flour mix again. Place in a freezer bag and freeze for an hour.

Remove and repeat the flour and dredging process again and leave to rest for about ten minutes.

Heat a generous lug of oil in a large frying pan, I mean crazy generous but not enough to technically consider it shallow frying as you know it scares me. Cook the patties for about 5-6 minutes per side, or until light brown and crispy. As the chicken is frying, toast the buns in a second, smaller frying pan.

To build the burgers, coat each side of the bun with some of the special (but not that … or indeed that, special) sauce, whack a good handful of lettuce on the base of the bun and top with the hot pattie.

Devour and be thankful that Kass is still with us on TV.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Chipotlenny Kravitz Chicken Burritos

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Lenny, Lenny, Lenny – oh how we love you Lenny!

While there was no offer of a seamstress position in his entourage, the fact that he just came down to catch up is just the sweetest! Plus, it proves that he is smart enough to realise we would sabotage his clothes for our own malfunction pleasure.

We first connected with Lenny via his then wife Lisa, who we worked with on The Cosby Show which led to Annelie and I being the maid of honour and best man at their ‘87 Vegas wedding.

The friendly chemistry between us and Lenny was immediate and we were instrumental in him securing his first record contract, with Annelie playing the role of his muse while I tried to find a loophole in his marriage to Lisa to further my career as a groupie.

Len has been so busy lately, with first two Hunger Games movies, his tenth album (which we also produced) and his furniture collection, it was so nice to see him take the time to relax and just hang with us.

We wanted something fun, hot, spicy and casual to set the mood of our date, that was also messy so we could see Len without his shirt – obviously that meant our Chipotlenny Kravitz Chicken Burritos were on the menu.

 

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We are Chipotle fiends and as they are sadly not in Australia, we’ve had to play around with the copycat recipes online to find something that works for us. The marinade is hot and smokey, which is beautifully countered by the zing of the guacamole and the freshness of the salsa.

I am not going to lie, this recipe is a lot of work … but Len is totally worth it. Plus, they are messy so it does become clothing optional – enjoy!

 

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Chipotlenny Kravitz Chicken Burritos
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
Corn tortillas
Sour Cream
Grated Cheese

Corn Salsa
1 cup sweet corn kernels
2 poblano chillies, finely diced
2 red chillies, finely diced
½ spanish onion, finely diced
⅓ cup coriander, finely chopped
1 tbsp lime juice
Salt and pepper, to taste

Salsa
1 large tomato, roughly diced
10g hot chilli powder
5g hot paprika
2 tbsp coriander
1 tbsp lemon juice
1 tbsp of lime juice
¼ cup red onion, quartered
1 tbsp salt
1 tsp pepper
1 tbsp hot chilli flakes

Guacamole
2 large hass avocados
½ jalapeño pepper, seeded, and diced
¼ of a red onion, finely diced
2 tbsp coriander, finely diced
¼ a lime, juiced
¼ tsp salt

Rice
1 tsp butter
2 tsp coriander, diced
⅔ cup brown rice
1 cup water
½  tsp salt
1 lime, juiced

Chipotle Chicken
200g can chipotle pepper in adobo sauce
1 tsp black pepper
2 tsp cumin powder
2 tbsp fresh oregano, chopped
6 cloves garlic
2 tsp salt
1 red onion, quartered
¼ cup oil (canola/vegetable/olive)
1kg chicken breasts

Method
Corn Salsa
Heat a lug of oil in a large skillet over medium heat, and fry the corn and diced chillies for a few minutes. Remove from the heat and add the other ingredients. Season to taste.

Salsa
Chuck all of the ingredients into a blender or food processor. Blitz. Leave to sit for an hour or two, covered, in the fridge to allow the flavours to develop.

Guacamole
Place all of the ingredients into a medium bowl and mash until smoothed. Season to taste and adjust accordingly. As you would be aware, we love to liquify our insides with hot food so advise leaving in the jalapeño seeds for an extra kick.

Rice
Heat butter in a medium, heavy-bottomed saucepan over low heat. Add the rice and lime juice, and stir for a minute before the adding water and salt. Bring to a rapid, vigorous boil. Once boiling, cover the pan and reduce heat to a simmer leave over low heat until rice is tender and the water is absorbed, about 25 minutes. I’d advise you start checking from 20, but I am highly impatient.

Chipotle Chicken
Place all of the ingredients (other than the chicken) in blender and puree until smooth.

Stab chicken with a metal skewer or fork and cover with the marinade. Place in a large bowl and refrigerate for at least one hour or overnight.

Heat a lug of oil to medium high in a large skillet and fry chicken, a few breasts at a time, for five-ish minutes each side. Remove from the heat and roughly chop into 1cm-ish chunky, shreds. Repeat until the chicken is all done and return to the pan with the remaining marinade and fry for a few minutes.

Serve heaped in wrapped warmed corn tortillas with any combination of elements and sour cream and grated cheese.

Obviously these recipes are based on those served in Chipotle and are a combination of those we’ve sourced online and tweaked over the years. Just, you know, full disclosure.

 

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Stew Hwang

Main, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

When Woo Hwang was selected for a second chance, I was skeptical. He  made undeniably one of the worst final two picks in Survivor history, costing himself the million dollar win. Tony Vlachos, the winner of the season, was also massively unlikeable. So what does that say about our friend Woo? Nothing good, I’m afraid.

Naturally, watching Woo’s BvBvB failure was not the first time we’d crossed paths. Woo was auditioning with Ben and I for a lifetime backed Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles telemovie. While Ben was flaunting his assets for the role of April, Woo was gunning for Leonardo. In a massive twist of fate, the casting agent was so impressed with Woo he snagged the role of April AND Splinter (Ben’s second choice) right out from underneath him. As you can imagine, there is a very long suffering grudge between the two.

To see Woo fail was massively rewarding in his first season, but I was really gunning for him in Cambodia. Despite not being one of my personal returnee choices, he seemed to really grow a backbone out there, even at the risk of copping an Abi-Maria coconut to the head.

How can we best comfort Woo for being voted out too soon?

 

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The Stew Hwang is the ultimate in sweet spicy comfort food. Slow cooked to tender perfection and served by the generous bowlful, this is the perfect non-alcoholic way to drown your sorrows.

 

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Stew Hwang
Serves: 8

Ingredients
1kg lean topside of beef, diced into 1-inch cubes
100g streaky bacon or lardons, roughly chopped
1 large brown onion, diced
4 small cloves garlic, crushed
2 cups red wine
3/4 cup plum jam
2 tablespoons minced chilli
2 400g cans diced tomatoes
2 cups beef stock
4 sprigs rosemary

Method
Preheat oven to 140°C. In a large cast iron Dutch oven, brown diced beef in batches and set aside.

In the same pan, brown lardons and onion until soft and aromatic. Add garlic and red wine and allow to simmer for five minutes or until liquid is reduced by a third.

Add jam, tomatoes, stock, chilli and rosemary. Cover with tight fitting lid and bake in oven for up to four hours, stirring hourly, until meat is very tender. Cook for final 30 minutes uncovered so sauce can reduce.

Serve with warm toasted bread or mashed potatoes.

 

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