Australian

Pizza Bianca Anderson

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2016), Main, Party Food, Snack, Vegetarian

Previously on Survivor, we were introduced to the 24 castaways including Kat brand rep for Trent Resort, while Conner mistook The Hunger Games for a period piece rather than a film set in the dystopian future and Des offended everyone on his tribe on his way out the door for a cafe latte.

We opened back up after Aganoa’s first tribal council where Kristie decided to channel Abi-Maria and accuse the entire tribe of theft. As yet though, no one is dead to her.

Over on Saanapu aka Kylie and the lessor people, Bianca used her intelligence experience to break down the relationships on the tribe and I think alluded to throwing the challenge. So using Survivor logic, see you later Bianca?

Off topic though, wouldn’t Kylie and Sue be the best possible final two? The answer is yes, even though the question is rhetorical. Back at Aganoa, Kristie continued her play for Australia’s Abi-Maria before El stepped in, comforted her and took her under her wing and worked her way into my heart/dream final three with Sue and Kylie.

When we finally checked in with Vavau where Craig introduced us to Barry – who may or may not have been present in the premiere – and we learnt that like Des they aren’t fans on lattes, preferring flat whites instead.

Also they are still struggling to get fire with flint. Somewhere Becky and Sundra were crying into a pile of used matches.

Back with Kylie’s Krew we discovered that Peter was on struggle street and making a play to be the Osten Taylor of Australian Survivor, before zigging when I thought he would zag and slipping on the rocks like Day 39 Aras.

Seriously, Ten … unpredictable.

We then checked in with Jon Jon at the immunity challenge where sadly there was still a decided lack of sexual innuendo. I mean, bring us some balls and Probst-esque smut if you want a hit Ten!

It was a tight fought race but after a major comeback from Lee channeling Boston Rob in Heroes vs Villains and the girls on Vavau channeling Lee playing cricket, Saanapu lost the challenge and wound up at tribal council.

While there was a bit of a misdirect with Petey trying to fall on his sword, we were thankfully treated to our first blindside of the season with Bianca making her way off the island as the second boot.

Poor Bianca was victim of trying to make a move too soon, sadly not utilising the tactical training we both completed while working as intelligence operatives. Did you really think i’d know her any other way?

Binks was crazy upset to be the first one out of her tribe but having a dear old friend like me there to comfort her dulled the pain. Admittedly my Pizza Bianca Anderson probably had a whole lot to do with that.

 

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Despite being the perfect definition of biege, this pizza is anything but – the woodiness of the rosemary and sweetness of the onion meld perfectly with the sharp cheeses. So simple, yet so perfect – enjoy!

 

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Pizza Bianca Anderson
Serves: 1 despondent second boot.

Ingredients
1 pizza base, use Zsa Zsa’s recipe darling
125g ricotta cheese, crumbled
75g mozzarella cheese, cubed
75g provolone cheese, cubed
⅓ cup grated parmesan cheese
2 garlic cloves, thinly sliced
1 tbsp finely chopped fresh rosemary leaves

Method
Preheat oven to 200°C.

Prepare the base as per the recipe and then smear it with the ricotta and top with the mozzarella, provolone, parmesan, garlic and rosemary.

Whack it in the oven and bake for 15-20 minutes or until it is golden and molten. Devour quickly to eat your feelings.

 

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Desmopolitan Quilty

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2016), Drink

After a decade long hiatus, Australian Survivor finally made a return to the our screens.

Channel 10 bravely took up the mantle hoping to make an improvement on the dismal seasons produced by 9 and 7 … which isn’t hard given that the first season’s first boot voted herself out in blatant disregard of the rules and the second robbed its rightful final two of a win.

Anyway, rant over … for now.

We started with my ex-lover’s little brother welcoming the contestants to the island with a rugged, island sex appeal second only to Jeff Probst – obviously Skarsy as Tarsy counts as jungle in this ranking. So at this point, the season is off to a good start.

Team that with the beautiful production value, interesting challenges – who could forget the first season’s nail biting guess the time challenge! – and the use of Ancient Voices and I am quietly confident in the season, even without my on location support.

My little Jon Jon didn’t waste time putting that sensuality to test, throwing the tribes straight into their first challenge harkening back to the days of snakes, rats, nudity and casual homophobia in Borneo with a quest for fire … which also included my challenge wet dream – a mid game choice for supplies before going for the fire.

We spent a lot of time bouncing around between the tribes getting to know the castaways starting with Aganoa where Kat, my favourite of the first twenty minutes, took her island wardrobe seriously in head-to-toe Resort Report much to the chagrin of my walking stereotype Des.

Over on Vavau they weren’t exactly sure what was happening, leaving the poor high school teacher to corral the tribe to keep them all alive. While on Saanapu they were concerned about making fire, despite having just won it. Thankfully we were introduced to Kylie who made the shame of their misguided concern disappear. (Kylie FTW).

We spent the remainder of the episode watching the many failings of Aganoa with Des refusing to help, their camp being washed out by a wave and then a disaster in the challenge – again involving Des – leading to their unsurprising trip to tribal council.

Once there Des and Kat’s feud intensified resulting in Des’ strategy to be useless for the first two days and to become helpful the morning of tribal council to backfire, resulting in him being the first person voted off the island.

I first met Des about five years ago when I ran a courier parcel theft scam in Brisbane, stealing items out of other courier’s trucks and holding them ransom. While I was quite successful, it was Des who ended up catching me and getting me sent to prison.

As you know, I am reticent to hold a grudge when someone dobs me in – it comes with the territory of a scam filled life – and Des was so sweet, visiting me in prison and working to help me get my life back on track.

Despite him really having no one else to blame after not letting his tribe see that softer side, I still felt the need to  – probably because I was being housed in luxury digs on Channel Ten’s purse – whip him up a Desmopolitan as he ran into my loving, drunken embrace.

 

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While he was a bit annoyed that his drink is better suited to Kat and the rest of the cafe latte set in Manly, he appreciated the joke … and the generous way I pour my booze.

Enjoy! Who will be joining me tonight?

 

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Desmopolitan Quilty
Makes: 1.

Ingredients
2 shots vodka
1 shot Cointreau
1 tsp lime juice
½ cup cranberry juice
crushed ice, to serve

Method
Shake vodka, Cointreau, lime and cranberry juice in a cocktail shaker. Strain into an iced glass. Garnish with a segment of lime. Devour and go again … responsibly, obvs.

 

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Keep on survivin’

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2016), Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

You sleep with one LaPaglia when trying to get a role in Looking for Alibrandi (why they didn’t agree to gender flip the lead and make it a teen version of Brokeback is beyond me) and it seems you’re constantly doing favours for the family.

I can finally announce that yes, I will be covering Australian Survivor!

Jon gave me a call a few months back after landing the plum gig, hoping that I’d hook him up with Probsty in preparation for the hosting role. While I was outraged that Channel 10 hadn’t given me the job, I graciously helped Jon as part of a plea deal I took after he caught me trying to torch his car.

Jon and the network are really hoping to make the show a hit, so of course asked me to head out on location and cook for the castaways. While I normally don’t like people using my fame to further themselves – that is my schtick – I agreed as I am a close personal friend of all of the contestants. Can you believe it?

Check back the day after each episode for my exclusive culinary, coverage!

Picture source: Publicity shot from Channel 10.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Lisa Curry Salmon Slice

Main, Seafood

Like a swim in the ocean or the Commonwealth Games pool, catching up with Lisa has the ability to instantly lift you and help clear everything out of your head. I guess that is why I became so reliant on her in the periods I’ve been in recovery.

Lisa has always had a maternal care for me and has been quick to give me the unequivocal support I crave from everyone, even when I’ve given her shonky business advice and caused an incident at Underwater World in the early 90s that inspired the Jurassic Park and Jaws franchises, as well as the film Deep Blue Sea.

That kind of support is enough to earn her the place as my third-best Sunshine Coast mother-figure.

Now full disclosure, I hate seafood. It is the absolute worst. I think it is because one day they are living in their filth and the next are being served on a plate. To quote the egregiously Academy Award snubbed (I am not joking) Drop Dead Gorgeous, “Don’t ever eat nothin’ that can carry its house around with it. Who knows the last time it’s been cleaned.”

But I’ve digressed.

Lisa has spent a lot of time in the ocean, so I assume she has either built up immunity to their filth or she has an iron gut. Either way, I had to go with a nod to her aquatic prowess by serving up my Lisa Curry Salmon Slice.

 

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I may hate seafood, but this kitsch 80s beauty is one aquatic meal I can stomach. Be it the curry, the cheese, the pastry or the memory of drowning it in ketchup until I could stomach it at five years old, there is something about this meal that is soothing and delicious.

In that so bad it’s good kinda way – enjoy!

 

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Lisa Curry Salmon Slice
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
220g pink salmon, drained
1 small onion, finely chopped
½ cup mayonnaise
1 tablespoon chopped fresh chives
1 carrot, grated
1 tablespoon curry powder
½ cup cheddar cheese
2 sheets ready rolled puff pastry
1 egg, beaten

Method
Combine all ingredients, except pastry and egg, in large bowl and mix well.

Cut pastry sheets in half. Place 2 of the 4 halves on an oven tray. Place salmon mixture on pastry, leaving 2cm border. Fold remaining pastry in half lengthways. Cut through folded edge of pastry at an angle, at 1cm intervals, stopping 2cm in from the edge.

Brush edges of pastry on oven tray with egg, carefully unfold cut pastry, place over salmon filling. Press edges of pastry together with a fork. Brush top with remaining egg. Bake in moderate oven for about 25 minutes or until pastry is puffed and well browned.

Serve with steamed veggies … because that is better for you and Lisa wants you to remember that. Bless.

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Iron woman, hear me roar

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

When I get into something, I really get into it, don’t I?

Last week I dipped my toe back into the athlete pool and I decided that this week is another perfect opportunity to work on my fitness … with you as my witness.

I first met my dear friend Lisa Curry (Kenny) in the early 80s when two of my older siblings recorded a hit demo about her wedding to Grant, over one of our eldest sister’s cassettes. As the youngest, I knew that I was the best person to be their manager and went into bat for them to negotiate their record contract and the overarching Curry-Kenny rights.

Obviously I had an affair with Grant (inspiring Tania’s wedding in Muriel’s Wedding) and blew … the deal, but thankfully Lisa accepted my apology when I reached out during a 12-step program and we’ve been friends ever since.

What says long live Lisa Curry-Kenny. Curry-Kenny. Curry-Kenny, Curry-Kenny, Curry-Kenny?

Picture source: Unknown, but I need them to do my next headshot.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Briocher Bünsberg

Baking, Side

While I miss, sorry, Osher’s beautiful 00s bouffant, he truly has aged like a fine wine.

As I mentioned, Osh and I first connected on the set of Australian Idol where, as you have come to expect, a torrid love affair began as he dabbled in some other areas of the sexuality spectrum. Alas, it did not last, but our close erotic bond blossomed into the beautiful friendship that has lasted the past decade.

Even when he was refusing to take me on the grounds of CBS while he was working with the dear Paula Abdul – I was the cat in Opposites Attract – as it was against the AVO Les Moonves had out against me, Oshie and I have never once fought.

Osh knew that I would be struggling with my rival pocket-gay Cunthony Callea returning to TV and was attentive as he was back during our romantic period. There were so many roses, candles and large, decorative cushions that you’d be forgiven for thinking that I was living in the Bitchelor Pad!

Don’t let the soothing, loved up atmosphere fool you – our catch-up was still firmly focused on aggressively bringing down the Callea and Geyer, to help Jo-Beth win and go on to host our planned reboot of Australia’s Funniest Home Videos.

All that scheming calls for something that will provide a lot of energy for a minimal amount of time, which is where my Briocher Bünsberg come into play.

 

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Fluffy, sweet and full of not-so-complex carbohydrates, the buns provided us with just enough sustenance to scheme which being distracting.

Enjoy!

 

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Briocher Bünsberg
Makes: 8 buns.

Ingredients
275g soft butter, diced
550g plain flour, plus extra for dusting
60g caster sugar
7g sachet dried yeast
90ml milk, heated slightly to 37°C(ish)
7 eggs
1 tbsp sesame seeds

Method
Combine the flour and caster sugar in a large bowl of a stand mixer with a dough hook.

Dissolve the yeast in the milk, and combine with the flour mixture along with 6 of the eggs. Mix at medium speed for roughly 15 minutes, until smooth and elastic. Add the butter, piece by piece, and mix until it’s totally incorporated into the dough.

Lightly oil a large bowl to turn the dough into and cover with a damp cloth and prove until doubled in size.

Preheat the oven to 180°C.

Knock back the dough, then using wet hands roll it into 6-8 balls. The dough is pretty sticky so if rolling the balls doesn’t work, stretch and tuck the dough back under itself. Place the buns on the prepared baking tray, leaving enough room in between to allow them to prove until they are doubled in size.

Lightly beat the remaining egg and brush over the dough, sprinkle with sesame seeds and bake for 20 for buns.

Remove from oven, cool and devour.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Idol worship

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

As a promising singer in Australia during the early naughties, it goes without saying that I dipped my toe in the Australian Idol waters. While I was disqualified and edited out of the program for sending Mark Holden death threats for refusing to give me a touchdown after my rendition of Don’t Cry Out Loud, I developed a very close relationship with Andrew G.

Sorry Osher Günsberg.

With two of my music-scene nemeses / fellow Idol alums heading into the jungle for I’m Barely a Celebrity, I thought I should give Oshie a buzz to catch-up and hate-watch while plotting ways to turn the public against them and ensuring our dear little JB Taylor comes out victorious.

What can I serve to power our dastardly plotting?

Picture source: Channel V.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Simon Potato Baker (Denny)

Side

Lets just get it out of the way straight up – Nicole Kidman is still one of our nemeses (and just the worst) and Grace of Monaco is truly horrific. The Weinstein movie that became a Lifetime movie, not the woman; she was a champ (and a close friend).

Despite our catch up with Simon Baker-he-will-always-be-Denny-to-us being based on a horror, our time with him was anything but.

We first met Simon on the set of the greatest Australian drama of all time, E Street, where we were working as Toni Pearen’s mirror. Yes, her mirror – she paid us to describe how she looked and by that, to tell her that she looked ok.

Obviously seeing we were in a horrid situation, Simon took us under his wings (sadly and shockingly, not under the covers though) and hired us as his bodyguards slash entourage (the show is actually based on us, not Marky Blah-k) before our fortunes changed after meeting Zsa Zsa in priz. Once he joined us in L.A. we were able to payback his kindness and got him his first film role in L.A. Confidential (I was having a torrid affair with Spacey at the time).

Not long after he married his wife Bec and became stuck tolerating Ms. Kidman with us. As such, we like to catch-up every couple of months to trash talk and reminisce about the good old (pre-Kidman) days.

As I said, Grace of Monaco is one of her worst but thankfully our Simon Potato Baker (Denny) is one of our best.

 

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Rich, creamy, cheesey with a kick of garlic and (a crap-load of) bacon. Need I say more? Serve with a steak or whatever piece of meat you like or as we prefer, in the dish with a large spoon each.

Also guys, as we are so social and so technologically advanced we have gone nuts on the social medias. You should follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Friendster, FriendFace, Myspace and YouFace coming soon.

 

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Simon Potato Baker (Denny)
Serves: 4 (dependent on the size of the dish used).

Ingredients (All quantities depend on the size of the dish)
4-6 (ish) large potatoes
6 rashers shortcut bacon, dependent on how much you love bacon
1-2 tablespoons crushed garlic
1 cup of grated cheddar
300ml cream
salt and pepper, to season

Method
Pre-heat oven to 160 C.

Peel and wash all potatoes and slice into just under ½cm slices. Cut bacon into a small dice.

Place a layer of potatoes over the base of your dish. Sprinkle with some diced bacon, crushed garlic and grated cheese, to taste.

Repeat until all the ingredients have been used up slash you have almost filled the dish, finishing with a layer of potatoes.

Once done, pour cream over the the potatoes until it is ½ to ¾ of the way up the dish. Season and top with a generous layer of cheese.

Bake in the oven for 30 minutes to 1 hour, or until potato is tender and the bake is browned on the top.

He’s A Sexy Babymaker

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

I’ve said it once and I will likely say it a thousand times, mutual hatred is the ultimate relationship builder! None more so than when you are united by the hate of one Ms. Nicky Kidman (you know what you did Nicole).

While we made some poor choices and befriended her on the set of BMX Bandits, poor Simon Baker Denny married into a friendship with her and has had to tolerate her ways ever since.

Simon is dropping by to hate-watch Grace of Monaco with us and requested a small snack, that is warming and delicious. Super specific but we love him (even despite this look), what should we make?

Also guys, as we are so social and so technologically advanced we have gone nuts on the social medias. You should follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Friendster, FriendFace, Myspace and YouFace coming soon.

Picture source: Unknown.

Cara-mel Gibson Slice

Dessert, Sweets

Mel is wild and everytime we hang out is like a ride through the outback with Max. That being said, the man helped give us a start in Hollywood and we will always be grateful for that, regardless of our personal feelings about things that he has said. Plus, he loves us without judgement.

Mel dropped by for afternoon tea (none of us felt booze and a barbie would end well for any of us) to catch-up on our years apart since ‘Pet Name-gate’ and his fall from grace. We filled him in on our stratospheric comeback and discussed some ideas to help with his.

While he had a bizarre opinion on BOAW2: ROTF (that it was a terrible idea), the man is an old family friend (we first met following my sister befriending his daughter on a Sydney beach) and we will turn the other cheek and even thank him when we are winning Best Screenplay, Best Actress for Golds and Best Supporting Actress and Actor for Annelie and I.

It wasn’t even enough to turn the sweet Cara-Mel Gibson Slice, or the afternoon, bitter.

 

Cara-Mel Gibson Slice_1

 

The simple rustic charm of the slice acted as a symbol of our relationship with Mel; while it can change over the years through reinvention or duplicity (working with Katie Holmes), when we get back to the basics, it is beautiful and perfect.

Enjoy!

 

Cara-Mel Gibson Slice_2

 

Caramel Gibson Slice
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
Base and Filling
1 cup plain flour
½ cup dark brown sugar
½ cup shredded coconut
125g melted butter
60g butter
2 tbsp golden syrup
395g condensed milk

Topping
125g cooking chocolate, milk
60g copha

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C and line a 28cm x 18cm slice tray with baking paper.

Sift flour into the bowl and mix in sugar and coconut, and then melted butter. Press mixture into tray and bake for 15 minutes or until golden.

While the base is baking, melt the remaining butter over low heat in a small saucepan. Stir in syrup and condensed milk. Heat for a minute or two until the colour darkens slightly and remove from heat.

When base is ready, pour filling over the cooked base and return to the oven for 8-10 minutes or until it has darkened and started to bubble on the top. Remove from oven and set aside.

While the slice is cooling, place the chocolate (broken into pieces) and diced copha into a microwave safe bowl and melt in 10-20 second bursts until melted. Once done, give it a good stir and pour over the slice spreading so that it even. Chill for a few hours, then devour.

Before slicing, run the knife under hot water (and then dry it, obviously) to avoid the chocolate cracking.