Abi-Maria GoMezze Plate

Main, Party Food, Side, Snack, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

Let us all pause and have a moment silence as our dear, sweet, feisty Abi-Maria was once again booted a week before the finale. Albeit this time, in an episode marked by dueling golden showers and Demon Tasha aka DT.

Speaking of DT, she has had many moments of insufferability however it was the callous way she cut our beautiful friend Abi AND mocked the dreamiest castaway of the season Keith, that finally cemented her status as the most dislikable cast member. Probably ever.

And before you even start rumours, no, we had nothing to do with her “near” drowning.

Either way, welcome back to the fold, Dr Joe! What a shame Wigles couldn’t secure as much screen time in her triumphant return.

But I’ve digressed.

As you could easily assume, our history with our close friend Abi-Maria pre-dates her appearances on Survivor after meeting in our Nicki Minaj led anger management. Nicki saw the brilliant, calm natures we all possessed and bonded us like a sisterhood, thankfully without a weird pair of pants for us all to share.

We spent the following years being zen and hanging out before deciding that one if not all of us should compete on Survivor to get closer to Probst’s bed. As Abi was the only one eligible, we through all of our resources behind getting her on the show and rigging a cast of clowns for her to dominate.

Then Annelie and I met Malcolm and tragically for Abi (but wonderfully for us), we fell into bed with him and went about rigging the season with him in mind. We could go on but long story short, we went into court ordered sex therapy, were treated by Denise who then weaseled her way on to the season and stole the win from our true friends by whispering our names to Malcs during final immunity to spook him.

It was a rough few months after the truth came out to Abs, but we felt it only fair that we be dead to her for all the pain and heartache we had caused. Thankfully her kind heart shone through and she forgave us during the Anti-RC AGM.

Going into Second Chances, Abi had the odds stacked against her but thanks to her plucky determination and general charm, she was able to weave her way through the pre-merge game and a horror stint on Angkor to sit pretty behind her witch shield at the merge.

Sadly her sterling resume and on point voting record got the better of her and she was sent to our open arms in Ponderosa as a jury threat to devour our Abi-Maria GoMezze Plate!

 

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Like Abi, the plate is spicy, sweet and everything you need in life and more. Well done sweet angel – we can’t wait to rig Heroes vs. Villains 2 for you!

Enjoy!

 

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Abi-Maria GoMezze Plate
Serves: 6-8, or 1 blindsided juror, her emotionally unstable friends and Savage’s teen headwear.

Ingredients
Hummus
400g can of chickpeas, reserving some of the liquid
2 tsp tahini
1 garlic clove, crushed
½ tsp crushed sea salt
3 tbsp quality extra virgin olive oil
2 tbsp freshly squeezed lemon juice
Smoked paprika, to garnish
Parsley leaves, to garnish

Meatballs
1 kg beef mince
1 large red onion, grated
½ bunch dill, finely chopped
2 tbsp dried spearmint leaves
1 tbsp dried chilli
1 tsp cumin
1 cup short grain rice
1 tsp salt
50 ml olive oil
2 cups passata
1 lemon, juiced

Dolmades (thanks SBS, I had no idea)
220 grams long-grain rice (rinsed)
2 tsps ground allspice
1 tsp chili flakes (dried)
1/2 tsp chili powder
1 tsp dried oregano
1 bunch mint leaves (chopped)
1/2 bunch Italian parsley leaves (chopped)
3 tomatoes (roughly chopped)
1 purple onion (finely chopped)
2 lemon (1 zested, 2 juiced, plus extra wedges, to serve)
80 vine leaves (soaked in cold water for 30 minutes)
185 ml olive oil
4 garlic cloves (peeled)

Lemon & Chili Potatoes
3 small potatoes
clove of garlic, crushed and chopped
1 tbsp chilli flakes
juice of one lemon
2-3 tbsp oil

Haloumi
500g haloumi
Olive oil, for frying
Lemon wedges, to serve
Salt and pepper

Roasted peppers, stripped
Olives
Pita, toasted and cut into strips

Method
Hummus
Rinse the chickpeas in cold water and blitz in a food processor with the tahini, crushed garlic, salt, lemon juice and a generous dash of the reserved chickpea liquid, slowly pouring oil in as you go.

When smooth and at the desired consistency, place into a serving dish. Drizzle with some more extra virgin olive oil and sprinkle with paprika or finely chopped parsley leaves, for colour.

Meatballs
Preheat oven to 180C.

Combine the mince, onion, dill, spearmint, chilli, cumin, rice, salt and olive oil and roll into fat walnut sized balls and placing into a large baking dish.

Cover with the passata and bake for about 40 minutes until meat is cooked.

Remove from the oven and pour over the lemon juice and serve with some of the cooking liquid.

Dolmades
Cook rice in boiling salted water for 8 minutes or until par-cooked. Drain, refresh under cold running water, then drain again. Cool slightly.

Place rice, allspice, chilli flakes and powder, oregano, mint, parsley, tomatoes, onion and lemon zest in a bowl and mix to combine.

To assemble, place 2 heaped teaspoons of rice mixture in centre of a leaf (leaves should be 12 cm x 12 cm; layer 2 leaves if necessary). Fold in sides and roll up to enclose filling, then place upright in a saucepan. Repeat with remaining rice mixture and leaves, ensuring dolmades are snugly packed in pan.

Whisk lemon juice and oil in a bowl and pour over dolmades. Stuff garlic in between dolmades, then cover and cook over low heat for 1½ hours or until rice and leaves are tender (add extra oil or water if liquid has evaporated). Cool to room temperature, then refrigerate for at least 3 hours or until cold. Serve with extra lemon wedges.

Lemon & Chilli Potatoes
Preheat oven to 200C.

Finely slice potatoes into 5mm half-moon discs, coat in oil and bake in the oven for 15 minutes.

Sprinkle with garlic and chilli and bake for a further 5 minutes. Remove from the oven, pour over the lemon juice and add a good whack of salt and pepper.

Devour.

Haloumi
Cut haloumi into 5mm slices. Heat frying pan up and drizzle with olive oil. Cook haloumi for around 3 minutes, turning just once.

Serve and season with salt and pepper, squeezing lemon juice over the top.

Plating
Roasted peppers, stripped
Olives
Pita, toasted and cut into strips

 

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Sloppy Joe Anglim

Main, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

Let me start by saying there is nothing sloppy about our dear friend, aspirational love, yoga enthusiast, challenge-beast and Survivor Macgyver 2.0 (sorry, nothing beats Peih-Gee smuggling supplies in her clothing) Joe-gel Anglim.

Our pants after we see him however…but I digress.

We first met Joe at Northern Arizona University where Joe was playing volleyball and we were trialling a supplements program with the football team which would later go on to get us a job working on Lance Armstrong’s medical team.

While Joe was disappointed in our dishonest and highly illegal conduct, our undying love and devotion (which went on to inspire the film Fatal Attraction) was too intoxicating for him and we have remained close ever since.

Going into Second Chances Joe arguably had one of the biggest targets on his back, but was able to survive by generally being a boss, a babe and, well, immune for the first four weeks. He sadly made his way out of the game and over to the jury after a crushing collapse/fainting spell at the end of what feels like the first non-ball related immunity challenge – if only he had more experience holding on to a rapidly extending pole!

Well that is what it looked like, at least!

We are pleased to confirm that Joe didn’t really need any smelling salts, but instead realised he was too good for the game and didn’t want to continue embarrassing people so opted to fake a faint, take himself out of the game and celebrate with a delicious Sloppy Joe Anglim with his forced concubine (which sadly included an uninvited Savage).

 

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Like Joe, these delightful, meaty treats can fix all of your problems, solve world peace and can (give you sustenance to) build literally anything useful out of mediocre objects.

Obviously, we made them extra sloppy – just how he likes them! Enjoy!

 

Sloppy Joe Anglim_2

 

Sloppy Joe Anglim
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
1 onion, diced
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 green capsicum
350ml passata
¼ cup tomato ketchup
1 tsp american mustard
1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
a few drops to a lug of hot sauce, to taste
1 tbsp dark brown sugar
125ml of cold water
a good whack of salt & black pepper, to taste

Method
Cook off the mince and onion in a heated frying pan, ensuring that the meat is browned and broken up as you go.

Add the minced garlic and capsicum, cooking for a further few minutes.

Add the passata, tomato ketchup, mustard, Worcestershire sauce, hot sauce, brown sugar and water, stirring to combine.

Bring the mixture to the boil. Once it is bubbling away like a Ponderosa sauna, turn the heat right down and leave it to simmer for about half an hour.

If it looks dry, add a bit of water or passata and heat. Otherwise, serve on soft burger rolls with plenty of cheese and a pickle.

Obviously we waited until after the meal for our pickle.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Nicki Spinaj and Cheese Triangles

Main, Party Food, Side, Snack

Like us, our close friend Nicki was always destined for fame and I would argue, that is what first drew us together at the anger management facility.

While we have a strong friendship with Nickers’, based on trust, respect and non-physical rage, there have been notable feuds in our past. I mean, who can tolerate Sophia-Grace and Woesie. Eye-roll emoji.

Despite questionable taste in hangers-on like them, I guess we are proof that sometimes they can turn out alright, and knowing that, always helps bring us back together.

After leaving the facility – thanks to Nickers’ glowing recommendation – we convinced her that her talents were wasted helping people and that she needed to do something truly meaningful like rapping and feuding with Mariah.

(The only good thing Mariah can do is a Christmas album, let’s be honest).

Nek minute, Nicki was flying high like a starship and became a global sensation with us by her side to help her scheme, feud and throw some glorious side eye. Fun fact, the what’s good phrase is Annelie’s go to throwdown line if I eat the last piece of cake.

Such a spicy, exciting bond can only be summed up by one thing – our Nicki Spinaj and Cheese triangles.

 

Nikki Spinaj and Cheese Triangles_1

 

Cheese is literally the best thing to ever happen to the planet (aside from us and wine) and well, any receptacle that helps get hot, gooey cheese from a plate to my mouth is a win. Throw in the freshness of spinach and dill and you’ve got a heavenly, creamy-sharp orgy happening in your mouth.

Enjoy!

 

Nikki Spinaj and Cheese Triangles_2

 

Nicki Spinaj and Cheese Triangles
Makes: 24.

Ingredients
375g frozen spinach, thawed
125g Greek feta, crumbled
125g ricotta, crumbled
1 tablespoon dill, chopped
2 eggs, lightly beaten
salt and pepper, to taste
375g pack filo pastry
oil, for brushing

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Drain all of liquid from the spinach and mix in a medium bowl with the feta, ricotta, dill, eggs, salt and pepper, until combined.

Brush oil between three layers of pastry and place on top of each other. Cut pastry into three long strips.

Place about a tablespoon of the mixture in a corner of each strip. Fold diagonally to form a triangle and then repeat with remaining filo and spinach mixture until all used up.

Place parcels (join-side down) on a baking tray and brush with oil, and bake for 15 to 18 minutes until crisp.

Serve with sweet chili, a spicy tomato sauce or aioli. Or by themselves.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Stephen Grilled Fishbach

Main, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

Ahhhh, Stephen. This year’s recipient of the humiliating, bumbling trombone-backed fool edit.

I have to admit, I was almost pleased to witness Stephen’s futile attempts at twig snapping, abysmal slingshotting and generally failing at everything around camp. This is because there is a rivalry that runs deep between us. You see, I had set up a complex pyramid scheme designed to grift Tocantins victor JT Thomas out of his million dollar prize. Again proving that he was the brains behind JT’s win, Fish saw right through my scam and stopped JT from investing in my 1800-PROBSTY telephone sex line.

In Second Chances, Stephen found himself a more glorious version of JT to lust after- he went full-on Single White Female and got a little bit lost in Joe’s beauty. Despite this, his strategy of taking out one of the major threats was sound. Perhaps if he’d spent less time being simultaneously painfully awkward and sexually aggressive (is that even possible?) he could have come through with the goods one way or another.

Well, that is if he didn’t get a violent case of the trots.

Fish, why do you keep trying to take what is rightfully ours?

Ben actually caused Fishy’s ‘gastro-intestinal distress’ by slipping a large quantity of laxatives into his water canteen. Yes, we were responsible for the glorious shit fountain and the ensuing ocean deuce. Hands off our man Fish – we don’t mess around when it comes to dreamy mcmansome Joe!

After Stephen’s explosive diarrhoea and not-so-covert aquadump was caught on camera by a helipoopter helicopter, we thought he might want a meal slightly more gentle on that fraught tum-tum of his.

 

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The Stephen Grilled Fishbach is healthy and light without being bland. Served with coleslaw, this fibre-packed meal is guaranteed to cork up even the most ghastly case of brown thunder down under.

 

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Stephen Grilled Fishbach
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
4 x 150-200g reef fish fillets, scales and bones removed
4 tablespoons plain flour
2 lemons, cut into wedges
Salt and Pepper

Slaw
½ head red cabbage
½ head white cabbage
2 carrots
½ bunch celery
2 granny smith apples
1 small red onion
½ cup greek yoghurt
4 tablespoons whole egg mayonnaise
2 teaspoons apple cider vinegar

Method
Shred carrots, cabbages, apples and onion. Finely chop celery. Combine in a large bowl.

Whisk together mayonnaise, yoghurt and cider vinegar and mix through slaw mix. Refrigerate 1-2 hours for best flavour.

When ready to serve, season the flour with salt and pepper and dredge fish. In a hot oiled pan, grill fish fillets, in batches, until cooked through. Serve with lemon wedges and slaw.

Ciera Beesting

Cake, Dessert, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance, Sweets

It was truly sad to see Ciera idoled out of Survivor: Second Chances. Despite living very different lives (us being super famous and high profile, Ciera never making the final three and therefore being irrelevant), we have always wanted her in our inner circle because, despite her failures, she is a total badass.

You see, we have all disappointed Ciera’s mother/Survivor alumnus Laura Morett through our various types of bad-assery. Ciera made one of the ballsiest moves in Survivor history voting Laura out. Naturally, Laura was pissed but had plenty of admiration for her daughter’s ambitious gameplay.

Rather than voting Laura out, I have never let her in to our highly sought-after inner circle. Recently, Laura attempted to persuade canine political expert and Hilary Clinton advisor Nigella Martha Rodham Hailes (also known as our resident Cavalier King Charles Spaniel) into managing her campaign for Oregon House District 20. Sadly Nigella was busy preparing for Battletoads 2, so it wasn’t to be. Obviously, my constant smack talk about Laura after last year’s amaretti scandal may have influenced this. What kind of monster restricts people to two cookies at a time?

 

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I digress. It is Ciera we are here to comfort on her arrival to Ponderosa. What will provide her some much-needed comfort to ponderova (get it?) where it all went so wrong?

 

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Ciera Beesting
Serves 12

Ingredients
Brioche
¼ cup whole milk
1 tablespoon honey
2 teaspoons active dry yeast
2 large eggs, lightly beaten
1 ¾ cup plain flour
2 tablespoons granulated sugar
½ teaspoon salt
½ cup unsalted butter, at room temperature

Almond topping
½ cup honey
¼ cup brown sugar
½ cup salted butter
¾ cup sliced almonds

Pastry cream filling
1¼ cups milk
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract or vanilla bean paste
3 large egg yolks
¼ cup caster sugar
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons cornflour

Method
In a small saucepan, combine milk and honey and gently heat until just warm. Pour into the bowl of the stand mixer with dough hook attached, add yeast and allow to bloom.

Once yeast has bloomed, add flour, eggs, salt, sugar and butter. Knead with dough attachment until elastic. Cover and allow to rise for 1 hour.

Once proved, butter and line a medium size springform pan. Gently deflate the dough and then add to springform, stretching dough to fill the base of the pan. Allow to rise again for 20 minutes. Preheat oven to 180C.

While dough is proving for the second time, make the almond topping. In a small saucepan, combine honey, butter and brown sugar and stir until combined. Add almonds and pour over risen brioche dough.

Bake in oven for 22-25 minutes or until top springs back and almonds are golden. Leave to cool while you make the pastry cream.

For pastry cream, combine sugar and egg yolks in a medium bowl. Sift in the plain flour and corn flour and gently whisk until mixture is a smooth paste.

In a saucepan, combine milk and vanilla until simmering. Remove from the heat and gently add into the egg/sugar mixture, whisking constantly to temper eggs.

Once all combined, pour back into saucepan and cook over low heat, stirring constantly, until thick.

Once pastry cream is complete, gently split cake with a serrated knife. Place base  back in springform tin, top with pastry cream and then with top of cake. Refrigerate at least 2 hours before serving.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Kelly Piglesworth In Blankets

Main, Party Food, Side, Snack, Survivor: Cambodia - Second Chance

Kelly, Kelly, Kelly – we barely knew thee!

While Kelly Wiglesworth was the poster-child for the concept of the entire Second Chances  season, it has widely been noted that after the first episode she disappeared – ladies and gentlemen that is because, we are 63% sure, she did.

You see, being out on location we were privy to a lot of behind the scenes content and rumours and there were definitely times when it appeared Wiggity was replaced by a hologram or a cardboard cut-out, so that she could practice yoga and avoid fielding Probsty’s questions.

We first met our dear friend Wiggity in Mexico, when we were at an exclusive health retreat (aka rehab). Wigs was the Rafting Activities Director of the retreat and fell for us because opposites attract (she loved our animated stair dancing too).

She was living far of the grid at the time, and still is, but found our passion for technological interconnectedness intriguing, arousing and mildly terrifying – our passionate devotion to her as the first, first-loser of Survivor probably helped the bond a little too.

Despite having what felt like one confessional during the entire nine episodes, Kelly will always be a star to us … despite forming a very close bond with our future lover, Joe. As an aside, how glorious was Joe’s shower scene?

Anyway, we were thrilled she was away from our man, but sad that once again she failed to join the winner’s circle – thankfully we had our Kelly Piglesworth in Blankets to cheer us up (slash soak up the alcohol from Kass and Savage’s continuing bender)

 

Kelly Piglesworth in Blankets_1

 

We’ve always been honest about our love of trashy, tasty food and our Piglesworth in Blankets definitely fit the bill – pillowy, cheesy dough, hugging a sausage? Delicious. Not dignified, but delicious.

It makes me miss Joe …

Enjoy!

 

Kelly Piglesworth in Blankets_2

 

Kelly Piglesworth in Blankets
Makes: 48 … which is enough for one disinterested castaway who got their torch snuffed for the first time after 15 years on the bench and two boozey co-jurors that are falling in love.

Ingredients
2 ½ cups plain flour
5 tsp baking powder
1 heaped tsp salt
2 tbsp grated Parmesan
1 cup milk
1 egg
3 tablespoons olive oil
48 pork chipolatas
1 egg whisked with a dash of milk, to glaze

Method
Preheat the oven to 200°C.

Place 2 cups of flour in a bowl with the salt and parmesan, combining with a fork. Beat the milk, egg and oil to combine and add to the dry ingredients, mixing as you go. Trust your gut, if the dough seems dry, add more milk, too wet, add more flour.

Split the dough into two pieces. Roll one on a lightly floured surface to make a 5mm thick rectangle. Cut the dough into 5cm-ish strips and then each strip into 7cm(again ish) lengths.

Working a chipolata at a time, wrap the dough around the sausage, squeezing the overlap together to complete the sausage-snuggie and place on a lined baking sheet. Repeat the process until the dough is gone, roll out the second sheet of dough, slice it up and repeat the wrapping.

You’ll probably need two large baking sheets.

Using a pastry brush, glaze the dough; place them in the oven and bake for 12 to 15 minutes.

Remove from the oven, leave to cool for ten/fifteen minutes and then devour … preferably with wine, Kass, Savage and a cut-out/hologram of Wiggy.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

(Oh and hi Reddit, we love you – particularly /u/Shuberto, this is for you)