Turkeira Knightley Sausage Rolls

Main, Party Food, Snack

While my first two choices were both too busy – being a monarch and a queen, respectively – to catch-up, my old faithful Keira Knightley was free. And it was wonderful to see her again.

I first met Kiz while protesting against her playing Lizzie Bennet in Pride & Prejudice – because no one would ever be able to top the sublime Jennifer Ehle. Oh … and I stole Jamie Dornan away from her. It wasn’t a strong start to friendship, by any stretch of the imagination, but it does highlight how sweet dear Kizza can be.

But I guess I wouldn’t hold a grudge if someone bought you your first Academy Award nomination to apologise.

After working through our rocky start, we became the best of friends and I became the toast of ol’ London town. We laughed, we partied and, after she discovered that she didn’t earn her first nom, vowed to secure her a legit Oscar nom. While it took me nine years, her performance in The Imitation Game was exquisite and I was glad to see her get the recognition she deserved … and to clear my debt.

It was such a treat to see her again and catch-up on what she’s been doing since she was in town for the scandal plagued last Pirates movie. Given how thankful we were to see each other, I was inspired to whip up my  Thanksgiving approved Turkeira Knightley Sausage Rolls.

 

 

Bringing a little bit of festive spirit to the Australian classic, these rolls are near culinary perfection. Flakey pastry, spiced, moist turkey and plump warm cranberries? Delicious and oh so comforting.

Enjoy!

 

 

Turkeira Knightley Sausage Rolls
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
500g turkey mince
1 onion, diced
2 garlic cloves, roughly chopped
½ cup craisins, roughly chopped
2 tbsp fresh sage, roughly chopped
⅓ cup pistachios, roughly chopped
½ tsp ground nutmeg
½ tsp ground allspice
1 tsp ground cinnamon
2 sheets of puff pastry
1 eggs, lightly whisked

Method
Preheat the oven to 160°C.

Place the turkey, onion, garlic, craisins, sage, pistachios, nutmeg, allspice and cinnamon in a large bowl and scrunch to combine.

Cut the pastry sheets in half and split the meat mixture into two, shaping into a long sausage to fit the length of the pastry. Place on the pastry, wrap tightly to combine, brushing the seam to help seal the sausage roll.

Slice each into two or three, place on a lined baking sheet and brush with remaining egg. Place in the oven and bake for twenty minutes, or until cooked through and the pastry is golden.

Devour, festively.

 

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Pirates & Prejudice

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

After an upside down week, I decided I needed something with a little more pomp and circumstance this week. And there is no one I know with more pomp or circumstance, than Keira Knightley.

Well other than Lizzie and the OG (and best) Lizzie.

Since those two were busy, I swallowed my pride, got rid of my prejudice and bent my calendar like Beckham to fit her in.

What says I’ve missed you the last couple of years and not, get your lesbian feet out of my shoes Jesminder?

Image source: Focus Features.

 

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Adam Brodatoes

12 Days of Chrismukkah, Side, Snack

Congratulations – we’ve made it to the end of another year. With 2016 being a particularly shitty one I knew there was only one cast I wanted to celebrate the festive season and The O.C. sure delivered, making the 12 Days of Chrismukkah a bright spark of a tragic year.

I mean seriously, I had to lose my mother-figure Zsa Zsa too?!

As I mentioned at the start, scheduling this little event was fraught with danger, what with needing to keep Tate’s (sometime) diva antics at bay and keep the narrative poignant and true to the heart of The O.C.

Because if nothing else, this blog holds its relationship with the truth to be more important than anything else.

While we started with the chris- of Ryan Atwood, it is without further ado, that I’m very excited to announce that I spent the twelfth day of Chrismukkah with the more  -mukkah half of the equation, my dear friend and portrayer of the creator of Chrismukkah himself, Adam Brody.

Fuck – take a deep breath and say that sentence out loud. Terrible. Sorry I couldn’t be bothered changing it.

As you know, I’m a dear friend of the cast Gilmore Girls in addition to being a creative force on set, which is where I met dear, dear Adam. He was playing Lane’s boyfriend Dave but I knew that he would be perfect for the role of Seth, so worked hard to lure him away from ASP and over to our new show.

Which in retrospect, probably added to my feud with ASP over the abandoned missing triplet amnesia storyline.

While I was unsuccessful in luring him to my bed, I was obviously able to convince him to take the role which I would argue, played a critical part in the show becoming the phenomenon that it was. After getting him the job, I quickly became Adam’s closest confidante and have unofficially guided his career ever since.

In the Land of the Women (working with Meg)? Me.

Scream 4? Me.

Mr. & Mrs. Smith? Not me.

See the connection – my advice is good and when he doesn’t listen he stars in a terrible movie that fostered a terrible relationship. Game, set and match.

Anyway, Ad and I have both been super busy lately – what with him starring in the upcoming CHiPs movie, which I encouraged him due to my close relationship with Erik – so I haven’t been able to see him since little Arlo’s christening last year … because yes people, I’m godfather to both Seth and Summer’s daughters.

In your face.

Since Seth was a chip – pun surprisingly not intended – off the old Sandy’s block, I had to go with my carb-tastic Adam Brodatoes.

 

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There is nothing better than a baked potato. I mean, yes, mash and potato bakes are amazing but a simply baked potato, in duck fat from Mindy’s recipe no less, is life affirming. Crispy and golden on the outside, light and fluffy on the inside and cream all through your shorts.

Enjoy!

 

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Adam Brodatoes
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1kg washed potatoes, cut into large chunks
¼ cup duck fat, reserved from the Roast Melinda Duck / Portumn Reeser Gravy

Method
Place the potatoes in a pan of cold, salted water and parboil for 5-10 minutes. Drain and shake to rough up the edges.

The more edges, the crispier the potatoes.

Transfer the potatoes to a fresh baking tray, toss generously with some searing hot duck fat, season generously and bake for an hour.

Remove from the oven and devour as quickly as the heat will allow.

 

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Amy MuSchumer

Emmy Gold, Main

Ok – so again, we’re catching up with another current Emmy nominee but I promise, this is the last one. Rightly or wrongly, but I’ll get to that tomorrow.

Amy and I are just way too similar for me to not include her in such an important occasion. I mean, both of us are praised as brave for posing nude (I’d argue that it is the photographer that is brave in my case, but I’ve digressed), have a penchant for smut and swearing and have felt the disappointed gaze of Michael Caine.

Plus she is a killer friend and is sure to take me as her date, right? Well wrong … but all is forgiven as she too agrees that Kit and I should go together.

I first met Ames in the early 00s when we both became involved in a shoplifting scheme, resulting in grand larceny charges. While she was able to plead down the charges thanks to her cousin, I bought my way out of my problems and fled back to Lisa Vanderpump’s mansion.

While we didn’t speak for a few years, we reconnected during her stint on Last Comic Standing. I was heavily involved in rigging reality television programs and was desperately trying to get my hands on NBC’s stable after my dear friend Bethenny/any/eny/annie/infghtsmjfjf lost on Martha Stewart’s Apprentice, so spent a lot of time on set.

The decade that followed will go down as arguably the greatest friendship either has ever had and the best creative partnership known to mankind.

Like Bryan, Ames has a breadth of nominations under her belt so thankfully was able to run a shit tonne of odds with me. Our choices, are as follows:
Outstanding Variety Sketch Series, Key and Peele
Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series, JLD
Outstanding Writing for a Variety Special, Tig Notaro

Notably – but not surprisingly – she only backed her show when she wasn’t listed as a nominee. I however back her when she isn’t up against JLD (and was right to back Teens and Ames in the Guest category). Adjust your betting accordingly.

After such a lengthy discussion, we were absolutely famished by the time it came to plotting the best way for me to get to Kit that I had to stop everything and whip up a huge batch of my Amy MuSchumer.

 

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Like Ames, the muschumer packs a punch, has a little bite and fills you with absolute joy. Coincidentally those are all aspects of my plan to woo Kit.

Enjoy!

 

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Amy MuSchumer
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
½ cup plain flour
2 tbsp cornflour
¼ cup water
¼ cup milk
6 eggs
2 tbsp butter, melted
1 tbsp chilli flakes
peanut oil
600g pork, cut into strips
¼ cup soy sauce
2 tbsp sake
2 tbsp oyster sauce
thumb of ginger, peeled and minced
1 large carrot, julienned
1 red capsicum, thinly sliced
100g shiitake mushrooms, sliced
6 shallots, sliced on the angle and one whole for the pancakes
2-3 cups shredded wombok
hoisin sauce, to serve

Method
Combine the flour, cornflour, water, milk, 2 of the eggs, half the butter, chilli flakes and rough chopped additional shallot and blitz in a food processor until smooth. Cover and stand while you make the pork.

Heat a lug of peanut oil in a wok/large frying pan over high heat and stir-fry the pork, in two batches, until browned aka about a minute. Transfer to a bowl and stir through the soy, sake, oyster sauce and ginger.

Clean out the wok/frying pan, add another lug of oil and stir-fry the carrot, capsicum and mushrooms for a minute. Add the shallots, wombok and pork and stir-fry for a couple of minutes, the liquid has reduced and the vegetables bright but tender. Remove from heat.

Meanwhile heat another lug of peanut oil in a small frying pan over high heat. When blisteringly hot, add the remaining eggs, lightly beaten, reduce heat to low and stir the eggs over themselves to form a delicate omelette.

Remove from the heat, roughly chop and stir through the pork mixture and keep warm while you fry the pancakes.

Heat a small frying pan over medium heat and brush with the remaining butter. Add about a tablespoon worth of batter to the frying pan, spread it out to form a thin pancake and cook for a minute or two. Flip and cook for a further minute. Transfer to a plate and repeat until the batter is done.

Once the pancakes are sorted, dish up the pork, garnishing with some extra slice shallots, and serve with the pancakes.

I wouldn’t worry too much about presentation as you inhale them pretty quickly!

 

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