Oyster Sauce

Tofu Sani Choyadi Bow

Main, Street Food, Survivor, Survivor 43, TV, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Survivor the tribe competed for an epic overnight reward complete with snacks, a shower, a bed and the added surprise post-challenge of letters from home. Despite Noelle falling behind the pack on the balance beam, she powered through tears and her leg almost falling off to pull off the most epic come from behind win ever seen on Survivor. After taking half the tribe with her for the reward, those left behind started to plot, realising that while she keeps getting knocked down, she always bounces back and finds new allies. And as such, the tribe banded together to blindside Noelle for being too big of a threat to win.

Back at camp Sami was disappointed to be left out of the vote, feeling like his game is going to be difficult to salvage. But bless him, did he try! He tried to pretend that Gabler wrote down Karla’s name at tribal council and then when everyone told him that no, that was not the case, he eventually admitted he did it, but only to try and flush the idol. Gabler meanwhile was busy filling in Owen on what happened, assuring him that he still plans to go to the end with him and has a plan to take out the biggest threat/s – the duo that is Jesse and Cody. And while it sounded great, Owen was still frustrated, given once again he keeps being left out of votes and is essentially the joke of the season.

Which again, is why I would suck at Survivor because I am not this resilient and would totally have this happen to me.

The next day the tribe were feeling a bit more chill as Sami got the fire going, while Cody laughed about not wanting to participate in the fire challenge against him. Which totally means Cody is coming fourth or winning, right? We then had a deep dive with Sami who opened up about how desperately he wants to make his family proud and as such, he would hold his head high and fight. He approached Karla to apologise for voting for her, asking that they move past it and be open to working together. As such, he lied and told her that Cassidy was the first person to float her name and despite the fact she and Karla were solid, she immediately wanted to target her. We then learnt that Karla had told Cassidy about her idol and as such, she decided Sami knowing about its existence made Cass guilty. The girls then caught up, with Cassidy rightly flagging the fact she is nervous about Sami trying to sow distrust between them.

And while she was correct, I’m worried Karla isn’t vibing with her anymore.

We fast-forwarded an entire day when a boat arrived at sunrise advising them all to run into the jungle to find a hidden advantage. So they obviously did as told and immediately went hog wild trying to find the needle in the haystack. Sami literally walked past it multiple times before Cassidy dropped by and missed it too. Gabler then suggested they band together to try and find it war style, this time with Owen and Gabler also missing it. As Jesse, Karla and Cassidy spoke about giving up, Owen stood in front of it alongside Gabler and Sami before Cody straight up leant against the advantage. Before he eventually noticed it, quickly grabbing it off the tree and pocketing it without anyone noticing.

He learnt that to win immunity at the upcoming tribal council, he would simply have to guess who would win the next immunity challenge, the infamous last gasp! Meaning he can either just win the challenge himself, or guess the one least likely to panic as water lapped at their face.

The tribe pivoted to Probst in the ocean where they took their places under the grate in the ocean to wait it out as the tide rapidly made things more difficult. Well, after Probst explained the challenge to everyone but kept the person Cody bet on secret from everyone. Gabler was the first to drop out of the challenge before the swell became too much for Sami and he followed. Jesse was next to drop before Cody fought valiantly for a couple of minutes before ultimately exiting. After two hours of absolute hell, Cassidy exited leaving Karla and Owen to battle it out and well, they were insane. So good at the challenge that after three hours the tide literally started to turn, meaning the challenge would either have to go for another 12 hours or they could both have immunity. Which is obviously the option Probst and Co. went with. While Cody looked on with a big, telling grin.

Back at camp Sami was very nervous about there potentially being three people immune at the upcoming tribal council. As Karla and Owen spoke about how proud they were for making history, Cassidy felt heartbroken about the fact she tried so damn hard and still came up short. She was also very nervous about the fact people may target her to weaken Karla, given she is immune. She approached Karla to float the idea of getting rid of Sami and while she said she was on board, Karla immediately went to Sami and locked in the vote against Cassidy. We then got a supercut of telephone as Sami locked in Cody, Cody went to Jesse and then Jesse spoke to Gabler.

Sadly for the plan, Jesse wasn’t so sure it was best for his game and after confirming with Karla that she wants Cassidy gone, he immediately decided that getting rid of Sami is safest given he is so good at making fire. As Jesse filled Owen in on the plan, he floated the idea of flipping it on Sami instead, given it would have Cassidy and Karla fighting each other in the final six and make it easier for them to go to five. Which is genius. Owen agreed to go talk to Gabler while Jesse caught up with Cody, who agreed that making Karla look silly would be good though he still finds Sami more trustworthy than Cassidy.

Oh and Cody told us that he is immune after correctly backing Owen in the challenge.

At tribal council Probst gave a monologue about tides before Gabler spoke about the importance of the final seven tribal council at setting up the end game. And given three people are immune, it is even more terrifying than usual. Karla admitted the dance is both confusing and scary, while Owen was even more nervous, though maybe because he is always left out of the plans. Sami spoke about clearly being on the bottom and he reiterated he is a free agent, while Jesse mentioned it is crucial to never rule out someone as an option. Cassidy felt like the closer they got to the end the game changed to not just who needs to go but who you can beat, which makes every decision even harder.

Sami then straight up told everyone he would be playing his Shot in the Dark tonight and that if everyone told him the truth, his vote wouldn’t matter anyway. This irked Karla who called him out and told him it was offensive, while Gabler gave zero fucks and literally said he was planning to vote the way he was going to either way, so doesn’t care if Sami is performing. While Jesse reminded everyone he could also just be bluffing. With that the tribe voted and it wasn’t a bluff, as Sami played his Shot in the Dark – which didn’t give him safety – Cody announced his immunity to the tribe which was unnecessary as the tribe banded together to boot young Sami from the game. Meaning their gamble paid off.

As Sami arrived at tribal council, I licked a handkerchief and started wiping the dirt off his face as my long-lost parental instincts kicked in. I assured him he is a very good boy and that me and his family are so proud of not just the young man he has grown into, but the game that he played. While like young Julia from Kaoh Rong he got run over for playing in the middle, the fact that he managed to make it that far was impressive. As such, I gave him a pat on the back and toasted his run with a fresh and healthy Tofu Sani Choyadi Bow.

This vegetarian version of san choy bow is jam packed full of veggies – hidden for the kids, obviously – and even more so with flavour. Plus, you can feel super smug when you eat it since it is so healthy. Which is a personal fave flavour enhancer.

Enjoy!

Tofu Sani Choyadi Bow
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 ½ cups long grain white rice
1 tbsp vegetable oil
450g firm tofu, crumbled
1 medium carrot, peeled and diced
1 red onion, sliced
2 celery stalks, finely diced
10 fresh shiitake mushrooms, finely sliced
1 red capsicum, sliced
3 cloves garlic, finely sliced
1 tbsp palm sugar
2 tbsp soy sauce
3 tbsp oyster sauce
1 tsp sesame oil
3 tbsp shaoxing rice wine
1 iceberg lettuce, leaves removed
1 long red chilli, sliced
small handful coriander, leaves picked
sriracha hot sauce or hoisin, to serve

Method
Pop the rice and 2 ¼ cups of water in a medium saucepan and bring to the boil over medium heat. Once rollicking, reduce to low, cover and simmer, stirring occasionally, for 15 minutes, or until the liquid is absorbed and the rice is tender. Set aside, covered for 5 minutes to steam.

Heat the vegetable oil in a large frying pan or wok over high heat and add the tofu and cook, stirring for about five minutes, or until golden brown. Add the veggies and cook for a couple of minutes or until just tender. Add palm sugar, soy, oyster sauce, sesame oil and shaoxing, and cook stirring for a couple of minutes, or until the sauce thickens slightly.

To serve, divide the lettuce leaves among plates, top with rice, followed by the tofu mixture and a sprinkle of chilli, coriander and any sauces you like before devouring.


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Chinese Handsay Dolapiewich

Main, Pie, Street Food, Survivor, Survivor 42, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor the final six grew more and more nervous about making it to the end, as everyone sized up who would make the easiest opponents in the final three. With Omar outed as a strategic mastermind at the previous tribal council, Maryanne was also focused on usurping his power and concocted a plan to take him out using her extra vote to swing a 3-2-2 vote. And while everyone continued to panic about her plan and who to take out should it fail, she stood firm and held everyone together to perfectly execute it and take Omar out of the game. In a very iconic fashion.

We followed the final five not back to camp, but instead to a new rain soaked beach to set up a new camp for the remaining days. Tarpless and with nothing, let’s just say the final five were well and truly gagged. Ultimately though, nothing could bring Maryanne down after taking out Omar with a massive move. Sadly she was the only one as Romeo was annoyed to have received votes, while Jonathan sassed out Lindsay for voting for him, despite the fact they both turned on each other. And ugh, this isn’t a good look for Jonathan.

Romeo meanwhile was an icon and interrupted the fight to announce that since they’re all being honest with each other, he has an idol and will be playing it at the next tribal council. So yeah, good luck to the rest of ya’s. Essentially.

The next day Jonathan was still focused on getting rid of Lindsay with the boys, while Maryanne was busy assuring Lindsay that Mike would be playing his idol for her at tribal council and as such, they would both find a way to keep going. Mike and Lindsay then caught up, with Mike assuring Lindsay that he will totally play the idol for her at tribal council and while it is the same promise he gave Maryanne, it was the only glimmer of hope she had, so she took it.

The tribe then received treemail, complete with a clue for an advantage at the upcoming immunity challenge. And while Lindsay was first to solve it, she could not find the advantage while the rest of the tribe worked together to solve the clue to block her. While Maryanne desperately tried to undermine the boys so that Lindsay could find the advantage before anyone else, guaranteeing the girls make it to the final four together. And what do you know, Queen Maryanne was successful, as Lindsay snatched the advantage and was that much closer to the end. Much to her and Maryanne’s delight.

While Jonathan looked to be boiling with rage.

The final five met up with Probst in the middle of a clearing for an epic immunity challenge where they would each have to race out to six stations to collect puzzle pieces before solving said puzzle. And while it sounds easy, the stations were guarded by obstacles and the pieces tied up by multiple knots. For Lindsay, she would only have to untie a single knot at each station, while the rest would have to work through six. Oh and the victor would also win a huge dinner of pasta, garlic bread, salad, cake and wine. So yeah, they were all very pumped.

Despite Lindsay’s advantage, she spent most of the challenge nipping at Jonathan’s heels as he absolutely destroyed the obstacles. While it is always hard to keep track of who is in the lead, Jonathan was the first to start working on the puzzle with Lindsay in a very close second place. Mike quickly joined them, while Romeo and Maryanne closed out the pack. While Jonathan and Lindsay were piece for piece at the start, Mike quickly closed the gap as he and Lindsay battled for first place. He continued to methodically work through the puzzle and despite a late-breaking push from Lindsay, he managed to snatch immunity. And tragically, doom one of our queens.

Mike started to break down over his win, overwhelmed to finally jag individual immunity and make his kids proud. Oh and then Jeffrey gave Mike a chance to fuel one of his competitors, with him stupidly opting to give Jonathan food which is a wild choice given he is the biggest competition to win final immunity challenge, assuming he survives the night. Even if they are aligned. 

Back at camp the boys went off to smash their feast, pledging their undying loyalty to each other while Lindsay spat fire about how terrible Jonathan is to Maryanne and Romeo. As the boys ate, Mike meanwhile was debating who he should play his idol for at the upcoming tribal to stack the final four with the people he wants. As such, he assured Jonathan he would be playing his idol for him too and just like that, he has now pissed off two potential jurors. The hungry trio meanwhile were busy locking in their votes for Jonathan, with Maryanne assuring them both that there is no way Mike would go back on his word to her. Despite knowing for a fact he also gave his word to Lindsay.

Lindsay meanwhile caught up with Mike to play on his emotions, begging him to stick to his word and not betray her, and while her argument was compelling – and frankly, so great – the fact that she can talk her way into anything, shows how big of a threat she is. Mike then caught up with Maryanne, with her trying to convince Mike to stick to his word to her so that she could protect Lindsay. Though when she caught up with Romeo, he cautioned her that both Jonathan and Lindsay are threats. Leaving Maryanne to worry who Mike would be playing his idol for, given everything hinges on his decision. And could make or break all of their games.

At tribal council Lindsay caught the jury up on her final advantage, while Jonathan spoke about how much they were all struggling. Lindsay admitted to knowing she is likely to go home tonight due to her allegiance to Omar, while Jonathan tried to downplay how much everyone wants Lindsay to go. Maryanne spoke about trying to find the balance between her emotions and playing intelligently, while Lindsay shared how she spent the entire afternoon scrambling and pleading her case, before a quick pivot as she tried to downplay her threat level. 

Jonathan stepped up to praise Lindsay for the game she played, while Lindsay said she is continuing to fight for her place in the game until the moment her torch is snuffed. Jonathan spoke about finding the balance between playing a good game and minimising your threat level, with Mike assuring everyone that if you have a solid alliance, it makes working around that a lot easier. Maryanne opened up about her need to not only find people she thinks she can beat to face off against at the end, but that also think they could beat her. And well, Lindsay was just happy that if she is getting booted for being unbeatable, that is the best way to go out.

With that the tribe voted, Mike made a big show of playing his hidden immunity for Maryanne for being so loyal to him. Romeo then announced that he would not be playing his fake idol and instead, threw it into the fire while Maryanne quietly sat on her hidden immunity idol. Jeffrey then finally read the votes with poor Lindsay tragically felled by a united tribe for being too much of a threat.

As she promised at tribal council, she was super chill and excited to be taken out for being too much of a threat, as the other option is making it to the end, getting no votes and having a shocking legacy. I pulled her in for a massive hug and assured her that she left a massive mark on the seasons and truly did play out of the best games this season and as such, is a shoe in for another go. But until then, she always has Chinese Handsay Dolapiewich.

I bet you thought I was going to take the easy route with a cheeky sandwich, but surprise, I pivoted! And when the pivot tastes as good as a slightly tweaked version of Brendan Pang’s Chinese Hand Pies, you really can’t go wrong. Spicy, warming and packing a kick, these are, in a word, perfection.

Enjoy!

Chinese Handsay Dolapiewich
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 cups plain flour, plus extra for dusting
2 tsp kosher salt, plus extra
1 cup water
500g beef mince
3 celery stalks, finely sliced
4 spring onions, finely sliced
a large handful of coriander, finely chopped
1 tbsp light soy sauce
1 tbsp dark soy sauce
1 tbsp oyster sauce
1 tsp Shaoxing rice wine
1 tsp ground white pepper
½ tsp raw caster sugar
½ tsp sesame oil
½ tsp Chinese five spice
vegetable oil, to fry

Method
Combine the flour and salt in a bowl and slowly mix in the water with a fork until combined. Dust the bench with a little bit of extra flour and turn out the dough and knead until nice and elastic. Oil a bowl and pop in the dough, cover with some cling and leave to rest for half an hour or so.

Pop all the other ingredients in a large bowl with a good pinch of salt and scrunch with your hands – or use a wooden spoon, I don’t mind – until well combined. Cover and pop in the fridge for the flavours to meld until the dough is ready.

To assemble, divide the dough into 8 equal parts and roll out until they are 15cm rounds and divide the filling between each disc. To close, gently stretch the dough around to seal at the top, pleat into a circle to give the look of a money bag.

Heat a couple of tablespoons in a large frying pan over medium heat and once nice and hot, add four to the pan, pleated side down and press with a spatula to flatten. Cook for five minutes or until nice and golden before flipping and cooking for a further five minutes. Remove from the pan and leave to rest on some paper towel while you cook the others.

Serve immediately, dripping in Sechuanyx Chilli Oil and devour.


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Scarlett HarGowlett

Main, RuPaul's Drag Race UK, RuPaul's Drag Race UK 3, Snack, Street Food, Tapas, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Drag Race UK the top seven finally faced up to the challenge of the season  – Snatch Game! As is oft the case, Snatch Game – which I still think should be called Skankety Skanks in the UK and Down Under, but I digress – saw some queens rise to the top of the pack with Ella finally shutting down the dolls who called her boring, slaying as Nigella. Kitty too dominated as the GC – her ‘I’m all gamed out’ lives rent free in my mind forevermore – and Scarlett screamed her way into Ru’s heart, though as a twink, that is never hard. At the other end, River and Choriza were the weakest and were both eliminated.

Shut it the fuck down. I am heartbroken.

The top five returned to the Werk Room absolutely shook to the core to have lost the two fan favourites in one damn lip sync. Scarlett asked what the rest of the dolls felt about the lip sync with Krystal summing it up, apologising on behalf of their fallen sisters for bombing and embarrassing them all. As Ella cleaned off their messages, she admitted to being shocked to have taken out Snatch Game. Particularly because the girls didn’t believe she had it in her. 

Kitty meanwhile was gagged about the fact Ru told River to step her pussy up or go home before sending her home, and then admitted that being so close to taking a win was bittersweet, though was thrilled for Ella. Despite being ready for her damn badge. Scarlett meanwhile went in on Ella for not making Ru laugh as much as she did in Snatch Game and again for not having a personality, which fired Ella up to point out that by winning Snatch Game and the Girl Groups challenge, she is kinda the front runner and as such, they need to step their bussies up.

Things were far less combative the next day with Scarlett feeling less nasty as Ella and Krystal were busy milking their double badges. Kitty meanwhile reminded them that she doesn’t need a badge given she is sure to get the crown, though isn’t afraid of pushing Ella down the stairs should it be needed. Oh and she wants Vanity to not wear a synthetic wig. Despite all of them kind of rocking synthetic wigs throughout the season.

Before we can get to the bottom of things, Ru arrived to announce that this week the dolls will need to serve it in a Fugly Ball. Which apparently stands for, ‘Friend, U Gotta Love Yourself’! And to make things interesting – has Ru been dabbling in Jeff’s closet of twists – this year’s ball would be timed, with the queens having short bursts of time to get ready, walk the mainstage and then lather, rinse and repeat the process. Twice.

The Fugly Swimwear runway was up first with the dolls given 69 minutes to split up and get into their sexy best with everyone rightly bricking it as they beat their mugs. Kitty asked the dolls whether they’ve experienced any trolling as ‘known’ people, with Ella admitting she only gets more thirst messages – of course – while Kitty explained that she doesn’t really care about people’s opinions, so has never let it get to her. Krystal opened up about drag giving her her confidence, given she isn’t really comfortable as a man before sharing that she is a virgin. Which gagged everyone as they rallied around and encouraged her to be confident in herself, because she is such a sweet, kind person.

Ru then jumped on the loudspeaker announcing they have ten minutes until the runway leading to the dolls running around looking for wigs and outfits before heading to the mainstage to meet Ru, Michelle, Alan and the stunning Alesha Dixon. Up first was Vanity Milan looking gorgeous in an ugly, ill-fitting, quilted bathing suit. Kitty was demented in a frilly, garishing one-piece with buck teeth and frizzy hair. Scarlett was a messed up pussy in the craziest way while Ella looked like a drunk MILF in the background of Mad Men going to the Country Club and Krystal was stunning as a sea wench, complete with chocolate starfish!

The dolls assembled on the runway to learn that the second category was Charity Shop Chic where they will need to whip up a runway using five Charity Shop leftovers. Oh and in the 60 minutes it takes to get ready, they also get to kiki with Charity Shop Sue much to the delight slash horror of Krystal. Who was triggered given she bombed Snatch Game as her. Sue was dementedly on brand as she introduced the leftovers they would choose from before eventually letting the dolls have at it. Hangers were flying through the air and getting stuck in wigs while Sue was nervous about them making an absolute mess in her pristine shop. Poor Krystal had to take her prosthetics off in the short 45 minutes remaining while Kitty was worried about getting something to fit as Ella was popping a tit, but making it glam. Vanity somehow looked stunning in her orange while Scarlett was a clash of the savannah animals before switching to duelling LBDs with Krystal.

With that, they headed to the runway where, ultimately, Kitty slayed in a clash of pastel and fluro outfits channelling Daphne Blake. Krystal was flawless in a black, shimmering number, Ella was gorgeous in pastel, granny chic while Vanity was gorgeous in her orange number with Ts of my girl Nene Leakes before Scarlett closed the show as drunk, naughty Sandy Dee.

Finally the girls were tasked with rocking a Fugly but Fashionable look which they were given 30 minutes to pull together. And well, things were bedlam in the Werk Room as they ran around flailing. Kitty meanwhile was confident in her ability to throw something together quicker than the rest of the girls while Krystal opted to start her mug from scratch. Again. Talk turned to onstage mishaps with Vanity sharing that she lost a wig during a Queen Bey performance though thankfully it happened at the end of the number and she made it work. Scarlett admitted she kicked a shoe at someone while Kitty lip synced against a customer who’s tit fell out. AT BRUNCH.

Rounding out the Miss Fugly Pageant 2021, Ella Vaday looked like a stunner in her plaid, fluro chaps and ugh, she is feeling her oats and I LOVE her. Vanity meanwhile was stunning in a black, quilted gown, Krystal was a stunning monster mash complete with poodle wig, while Scarlett was a trashy, fluro mess – in all the right ways – while Kitty stole the show in a knitted maxi gown reveal, complete with kitten heels.

Kitty received universal praise for her looks, with Michelle thrilled that she was clearly having the best damn time on the runways. Please, don’t let this be a fake out because she has had a damn good night! Vanity’s swimwear was read for its poor fit, though they loved how great she looked in her final two looks and lived for her killer mug. Scarlett was praised for bringing the fun in her swimsuit though the other looks were read for not exactly hitting the mark, despite how much fun she was having. Once again, Ella received universal praise, despite not having the best fitting swimsuit. While rounding out critiques, Krystal received universal praise for her first and last looks, though the judges felt she didn’t go far enough in her Charity Shop look.

Ru asked the girls to identify their favourite final looks, with Kitty loving Scarlett’s look, Vanity loving Kitty’s and I think Scarlett lived for Kitty too, though read Krystal for looking like Anubis. Ella meanwhile lived for Vanity’s final runway while Krystal thought Ella‘s was the best.

As the dolls untucked they were well and truly shell shocked by the sheer pace of the challenge. Scarlett likened things to ready, steady, cook while Krystal was in her feelings about nobody loving her final outfit. Nor did she appreciate Scarlett reading her wig as Anubis. Vanity meanwhile was nervous about landing in the bottom, due to her track record while Ella felt Scarlett would be lip syncing because of her final two outfits. Which somehow, didn’t bother her. Kitty then made a toast to the dolls and ugh, if she doesn’t get her damn badge, I will be ropeable.

Ultimately Kitty did take out her first victory of the season, much to her giddy, screaming delight and ugh, I’m so damn happy. Ella and Krystal were quickly sent to safety, leaving Vanity and Scarlett to face off to Scandalous by Mis-Teeq and damn, this is a bounce back from last week’s lacklustre performance. Vanity quickly served a reveal and owned the damn stage and while Scarlett was giving camp and hitting all the letters, Vanity was flipping, spinning and bouncing across the stage and well, she was a damn star. As Alesha was living her best life watching on from the judges panel.

Sadly though, there must be a loser and my dear, poor Scarlett found herself booted from the competition. As she entered the Werk Room, I gave her a stern look for all of five seconds as I tried to be mad at her for being catty the last few weeks. Then I remembered, COVID is still a thing, the competition is intense and I love her, so I pulled her into my arms, gave her a big hug and told her how damn proud of her I am.

While she was disappointed to not make it all the way to the top, I reminded her that she is funny, beautiful and can turn a look. And is oozing talent. And charisma. And Ru loves her, so she will be well and truly fine – hello All Stars! With that, I told her to always believe in herself and then shoved a plate of Scarlett HarGowlett in front of her and told her to eat, damn it.

There is nothing more satisfying that a big ol’ dump(ling), and while I usually don’t like to partake in seafood, these little prawn numbers have always delighted me. Light and sweet, with a kick of ginger, they’re the perfect way to work through your post-boot trauma.

Enjoy!

Scarlett HarGowlett
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
250g raw prawns, peeled, deveined and finely chopped
1 tsp oyster sauce
1 tbsp vegetable oil
¼  tsp white pepper
1 tsp sesame oil
¼ tsp salt
1 tsp raw caster sugar
1 tsp ginger, minced
2 garlic cloves, minced
¼ cup bamboo shoots, minced
40 gow gee wrappers

Method
Combine the prawns, oyster sauce, oils, pepper, salt, sugar, ginger, garlic and bamboo shoots in a bowl and mix until well combined.

Get a steamer on while you get to work making the dumps. Lay out your gow gee wrappers and place a scant teaspoon of filling into the middle. Fold in to form a triangle and crimp the edges to seal. Repeat the process until they’re all done.

Once the steamer is like a sauna in Queer as Folk, place the dumplings in and steam for 6-8 minutes, or until cooked through and piping hot.

Devour immediately with some chinese chilli oil or, you know, whatever you like with your dumplings.


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Jason Porkstein Chow Mein

Main, Street Food, Survivor South Africa, Survivor South Africa: Immunity Island, TV, TV Recap

After the longest, darkest off season Survivor is back. No not the Jiffy Pop brand of Survivor but a Survivor, and since Nico my love is super hot, you’re going to buckle in. Whether you like it or not, ok? Because this is Survivor SA.

We opened with my dear Nico, perilously close to a cliff face on the southern tip of Africa, filling me with fear and dread since we’ve all lived through enough in the last 18 months. I mean, that was worse than the Game of Thrones series finale. Anyway, my mood perked up when we met Tyson who is a babe and just like that, I love him. We followed him with Jason who is thrilled to have a homeground advantage being in SA, despite everyone having the same advantage. Though it turns out Amy kinda proved Jason may actually be correct, since she has no idea what to fear IN HER OWN COUNTRY.

Though maybe that is because in Australia, we just assume all bugs and snakes will kill you.

My hair twin Qieän was living for lady Rupert who we learnt is called Santoni. She in turn is scared by how built Marisha is and Anesu was intimidated by a shirtless old zaddy called Shaun. Nicole is looking forward to being underestimated, shirtless zaddy was shirtless so I didn’t absorb much information aside from his passion for backstabbing while sweet Pinty was pumped to be honest – no Queen Pinty. Nico then introduced us to the conceptImmunity Island which appears to be the same as Island of Secrets, which was fun and not overpowered, so I’ll let it slide.

Oh and Thoriso is ready to win, Wardah is ready to practice her mindfulness and Renier is excited to prove himself. And Tyson swung back around to tell us he will win. So I’m going to say he actually will win. As much as I love most of the cast.

The castaways finally joined Nico for an official welcome to the game where Santoni spoke about her weird and whimsical ways and damn, I love her. Tyson again reminded us he is here to win and again, I’ll listen. Until I realised Chappies was showing off his beautiful gams because now he has won something. My heart. Oh and Marisha the strong was charming and iconic, and I feel deep within my waters that I’m really going to enjoy her.

Nico explained that someone will head to Immunity Island after losing an immunity challenge. Once there they will be faced with a challenge offering them advantages and disadvantages. But that is all he was willing to share at this stage.

Nico instead announced that they would be split into two tribes based on random draw with Amy, Anela, Dino, Jason, Marisha, Nicole, Qieän, Renier, Shaun and Thoriso landing on Zamba and Vuna made up of Anesu, Carla, Chappies, Kiran, Mike, Pinty, Paul, Santoni, Tyson and Wardah. Nicole was thrilled to be on the tribe with buff queen Marisha, while Paul was annoyed to be the only buff guy on the weaker looking Vuna tribe. Though Anesu thinks orange is a colour of abundance and therefore, didn’t care. And now, I vote for her to win. Oh and Thoriso was annoyed to be with the buff squad while Amy was thrilled to be with them, as Wardah was loving the energetics of her tribe. And then Jason talked smack about his rivals’ chill ways.

But enough set-up, the tribes were immediately tasked with running into the jungle to grab as many supplies as possible in two minutes. Oh and to make things more complicated, there were two immunity necklaces for each tribe that are good for their first tribal. As they ran off Renier knew not to go for immunity and instead to look out for an advantage amongst the loot, while everyone ran around like mad for the fruit and snacks. While Dino it turns out, was the one to make a run for his tribe’s immunity necklace. And nobody from Vuna snagged one. Dino was thrilled to not become the first boot, though was nervous about what it could potentially mean for his game. Nico then announced that there was also a brown envelope with a tribe advantage in it, but the person had to reveal who they were to receive it. With Renier thrilling his tribe by the fact that he grabbed it, but I can’t help but feel the secrecy may come back to bite him. And you guessed it, I love him.

Particularly since Nico told them that Renier is a game player. Though he did win the tribe camp comfort supplies, so maybe they won’t worry too much.

With that the tribes grabbed their maps and headed off to their camps, ready to start the game. We first checked in with Zamba where Dino was apologising for grabbing the immunity necklace before the tribe went on a group trip through the jungle to get water and to get to know each other. Meanwhile at Vuna they was far more chill about things as they got to work and hanging as a pack, talking about not working too hard and just doing a temporary shelter to get them going. Chappies meanwhile was wooing me as he rubbed two sticks together in his undies to try and make fire.

We bounced back to Zamba where Renier was happy to let other people take a leadership role in the tribe and paint a target on their backs. And given how the tribe grew more and more frustrated as they attempted to build their shelter, Jason girl, you’re in trouble. Well other than Shaun and Qieän who were desperately searching through the supplies for a flint or an idol. Which Amy noticed and immediately reported to Renier, Dino, Jason and Anela. And all of them were thrilled to have a target on someone else’s back. Oh and during the conversation we learnt that Nicole and Marisha were also aligned, apparently.

At Vuna Pinty and Chappie waded in the shores and quickly aligned, Kiran and Anesu aligned in the shrubs due to attending the same university before Kiran roped Carla, Mike and Tyson into their alliance. Oh and Anesu was quick to align with Wardah, given they are both influencers and Wardah thinks Anesu should keep her career as a doctor secret. And then Wardah caught up with Tyson and aligned with him too as Chappies and Pinty tried to recruit Anseu. But let’s be honest the main take away is that everyone wants to align with Anesu. And who wouldn’t because she is now my winner’s pick.

That night Zamba were sleeping under their shelter on the ground while Vuna struggled to stay dry in the rain. Though Carla proved herself to be a damn icon and that truly matters to me.

Zamba woke up dry and comfortable on day two, ready to finish their shelter and make things more comfortable while Thoriso worried about getting herself up from the bottom of the totem pole. As such, she set her sights on Shaun and his brash lack of people skills and turning people against him.

Before she could get to that, treemail arrived tasking each tribe with sending one champion to go and battle creating fire using a flint, with the winner securing a fire making kit for their tribe. Chappies and Jason were each nominated, with Thoriso quickly surmising that by nominating Jason the tribe appear to trust him and as such, she had another target in her sights. In any event, Jason and Chappies joined Nico with the latter trying to intimidate Jason by pretending they already have fire. Which Jason rightly called bullshit on. But more importantly, I think they should date. In any event, both of the boys were quick to get a flame but Chappie ultimately smoked the competition and secured reward for his tribe.

Oh and then Nico gave them diplomatic immunity, meaning both of them now have the power to mutiny from their tribe after losing immunity but only before the merge. Which could be really interesting.

Back at camp Chappies was quick to share his victory with the tribe though wisely kept quiet about his power to defect, should he need it. While Mike pondered whether something else happened at the challenge, Chappies invoked Zaddy John and got naked and ran into the water as a dick-straction. So basically, I love Chappies and would die for him. Meanwhile at Zamba, Jason was heartbroken to have lost and he too kept his mouth shut about his immutinity. Queen Thoriso meanwhile was frustrated by the fact the loss won’t really change anything for Jason and right on cue, he wandered off to align with Shaun.

That night at Vuna, the tribe joyously gathered around fire and basked in the warmth and victory as they roasted their veggies.

The next day Nico returned for the first immunity challenge of the season where the tribes would swim out to retrieve rope rungs from buoys before using them to build a rope ladder to get to a second level of a tower where they would need to solve a rope ladder puzzle and then venture to the top floor and wait wait wait, I’ve missed this, solve a puzzle. Renier got Zamba off to a slight lead over Chappies, which Paul quickly closed as Jason was felled by knots. Vuna continued to hold on to their lead, building their ladder while Zamba desperately tried to close the gap. Until Santoni struggled and the tribes became neck and neck. Zamba got their start on the second ladder first, getting to the final level while Vuna languished on the second. But then the puzzle happened, as Vuna smoked them and snatched the first immunity thanks to Queen Anesu. As Dino begged Paul to save him and send him to immunity island.

Sadly for him, the tribe went with my Queen Thoriso. Which is the only answer I was willing for them to make.

We followed Thoriso off to Immunity Island where she learnt that she had earned immunity for herself, as well as food, shelter and fire. But obviously there was a cost, where she could face a challenge for another advantage and risk losing her vote at the next tribal. Though if she doesn’t play, she has to return to the tribe and hand over the immunity necklace to someone else. Obviously she opted for the challenge and got digging in a sandpit to find a red ball within a couple of minutes, which she sadly failed at and ended up losing her vote.

Back at camp Shaun was annoyed by Dino trying to align with the other tribe while Amy languished over being the reason they lost the challenge. Dino acknowledged that he was trying to woo the other tribe and Rinna it (aka owning it) to his advantage. Thankfully for him, Amy, Nicole and Marisha didn’t care as they desperately wanted Qieän gone first and were willing to join him. Meanwhile Jason and Anela – aka Smash – were catching up about who best to target and focused on the scramblers, which made Jason nervous given he is aligned with Shaun. In fact, it made Jason so nervous while trying to protect Shaun that Anela started to think Jason needed to go. 

Shaun meanwhile was busy searching everywhere for the idol.

Renier joined Jason to talk plans and while they were aligned, Renier grew nervous about Jason’s unpredictability. And immediately got to work turning the vote on Jason. The girls quickly got on board, but only if Smash was willing to join them. Then Jason and Renier spoke to Dino about the vote, with Renier earning icon status by pointing at Jason to let Dino know to vote for him. While Jason was confused as to why he was holding his hand up the entire conversation. Meanwhile Shaun was desperately trying to get Anela to protect him, surmising that since nobody has given him a name, he is clearly the name. Which really upset Qieän, given it was a sign that she will be an early boot.

At tribal council Thoriso rejoined her tribe, completely unaware that even without immunity she would have been safe tonight. Shaun spoke about the nervousness caused by the backstabbing of the previous day as people were looking to build their alliances. Jason spoke about the beautiful friendships they are already forming, before Shaun cut in to tell them that friendship is nothing and they need strength to make it to the merge. Amy spoke about focusing on trust as her deciding factor while Shaun continued to try and cut in, this time talking about working hard and being above board with everything. With Anela cutting him off to point out the target was on his back because he was searching through the food for an advantage.

Shaun said he was actually trying to find bad fruit to dispose of it before it ruins the rest of their food. Shaun told them that if they felt he had an idol, they should have gone through his bags or at least asked him. Because that is how you build trust. Thoriso was thrilled to have immunity amongst such uncertainty, while Shaun pointed out that he would always be the target. And then instead opted to remind everyone that Dino is trying to build bonds with people on the other tribe. Thankfully that was brushed over as Thoriso was forced to announce that she doesn’t have a vote at tribal, which didn’t bother Jason because one vote doesn’t really matter should you have the numbers.

Which he tragically learnt he didn’t as he was blindsided – genuinely, I might add – as the first boot. Much to the shock and delight of Shaun, who didn’t receive a single vote. He was gutted but delightful, given he is such a babe and as such, I was thrilled to fill me, hard, to the brim with some Jason Porkstein Chow Mein.

Spicy, sticky and oh so sweet, these noodles are near perfection. A little bit of hit, full of fresh veggies and packed with my other other favourite white meat. Noodles and stir fry are always a winner, particularly if you’re the first boot.

Enjoy!

Jason Porkstein Chow Mein
Serves: 4-6.

Ingredients
5 garlic cloves, crushed
1 tbsp minced ginger
¼ cup shao hsing
⅓ cup oyster sauce
¼ cup soy sauce
¼ tsp ground white pepper
1 tbsp vegetable oil
500g pork mince
1 onion, sliced
1 red capsicum, sliced
400g tin baby corn
1 cup snow peas, trimmed
2 tbsp minced chilli
440g fresh chow mein noodles
1 cup wombok, sliced
4 shallots, sliced green

Method
Mix the garlic, ginger, shao hsing, oyster sauce, soy sauce and pepper together in a jug and leave to rest.

Place a wok over medium-high heat and add half the vegetable oil and quickly stir fry the mince until cooked through. Add half the sauce and cook until sticky and browned. Transfer to a bowl to cook.

Heat the rest of the oil in the wok and add literally everything but the noodles, wombok and shallots. Stir fry for a couple of minutes and then add the remaining ingredients and cook for a few minutes.

Remove from heat, serve immediately and devour. Joyously. Because a Survivor is back and Jason is as gorgeous as a stir fry.


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Prawny Dumplaens

Main, Seafood, Street Food, Tapas

Now I know my reveal yesterday focused on Whitesnake and that was such a small part of her life, but the Here I Go Again film clip has had the most profound impact on my life and TBH, shaped the man I am today. And that is all because of the way she danced on the damn bonnet of moving cars.

And it lead me to the beautiful friendship we share today.

As soon as I saw her cartwheel from car to car, I knew that that is what I wanted to do with my life so I reached out – repeatedly – until she agreed to take me under her wing. After dropping the restraining order she got out on me on account of said repeated reaching out slash breaking on to her property slash dancing on the cars in her garage.

Thankfully she was moved by me breaking down into tears, begging for her to help me be more like her whilst I was getting thrown in the back of the police car, followed me to the station, bailed me out and helped me reach my dream of dance perfection.

Fun fact: she said it was the backflip I did off the side of the car while slipping out of the handcuffs – Countess LuAnn style – that made her realise I was ripe for mentoring.

Anyway, I have gone way off topic. Tawny and I have been busy the last few years, so this was our first chance to catch-up in what felt like forever. And boy was it special – we laughed about the good old days, pulled out some of our choreography and smashed what felt like a tonne of Prawny Dumplaens.

 

 

I’ve long spoken of my disgust for all things seafood, but like Carrie before her, I am willing to work through it for my dear Tawny. Plus, these doughy delights are so jam packed with ginger that the prawn tastes delicate, and even I can stomach it. Which is high praise.

Enjoy!

 

 

Prawny Dumplaens
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
200g uncooked prawn meat – aka peeled and deveined – finely chopped
2 shallots, thinly slicely
1 tbsp fresh ginger, minced
1 tbsp coriander leaves, finely chopped
1 tbsp oyster sauce
1 red chilli, roughly chopped
salt and pepper, to taste
20 gow gee wrappers

Method
Combine the prawn, shallot, ginger, coriander, oyster sauce and chilli in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper.

Working a quarter of the wrappers at a time, lay them on a clean, dry bench. Place a tablespoon of filling in the centre of each, brush around the edges with water and crimp to close. Repeat the process until all the wrappers and/or filling is used up.

To cook, prep a steamer, line with a small piece of baking paper and cook in batches for 15-20 minutes, or until cooked through.

Devour immediately with plenty of soy and chilli sauce.

 

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Dan Rengingering Beef

Main, Survivor, Survivor: David vs. Goliath, TV Recap

Previously on Survivor, Carl and Nick each collected an advantage and shared their intel in an attempt to find a way out of the David minority. That being said, Alison and Alec weren’t so sure they wanted to stay loyal to their fellow Goliaths though did agree to stick with them to get rid of the biggest threat in Christian. At tribal council however the Davids played into Probst’s wet dreams, using the right tool at the right time to save Christian with an idol, make Dan blow – one of – his on Angelina and tragically albeit wisely blindside my love, the George Bushy of Tushy John from the game.

Back at camp things weren’t as tense as predicted with Davie asking everyone to respect game and not take things personally. However he then delighted in inheriting John’s jacket which I assume Angelina would be none to pleased about.

Natalie. Natalie? … Natalie?

Alec, Alison and Kara removed themselves to the beach to discuss how they bounce back from the blindside, vowing to find the next advantage before it blows up in their face. Again. Alison in particular was feeling nervous, given she keeps telling the Davids she is going to flip but hasn’t, and their window for flipping is rapidly closing. Dan wasn’t taking the blindside well, given he lost one of his closest allies while saving Angelina. Worse still Kara went to have a pow wow without him and as such, he was extremely upset and felt like their showmance didn’t mean as much to her as it does him. Kara thankfully realised that now is the point to cut ties with him, given he is the albatross around her neck.

The next day my boy Jeff returned for this week’s reward challenge where the tribe would be split into two teams – Angelina, Christian, Alison, Gabby and Nick vs. Mike, Davie, Dan, Alec and Kara – to run through an obstacle course retrieving bags of numbers, which they will use to unlock puzzle pieces before solving a puzzle. It was for burgers and beers, so you know I think it is worth playing for! As is oft the case, Alec got his team out to an early lead – and looked beautiful doing it – until Mike didn’t cover the numbers to release their key, allowing Alison to cheat and close the gap. It was all for nought however as Alec and Kara dominated the puzzle and snatched the burgers for their team.

Back at camp Angelina was feeling quite emotional to have lost the burgs, forced to slum it with the Davids and Alison whilst smashing some rice. Gabby used the emptier camp to discuss working together with Alison, playing into her desire for big moves and encouraging her to forget about taking out Angelina and instead set her sights on getting rid of Dan. While she was trying to keep her options open, Mike was working to shut his down by using the reward to push the Goliath strong mentality. Dan encouraged them to return their focus to getting rid of Christian, begging the question – where is Davie? Did they kick him out of the reward? After finishing their lunch, Kara and Alec caught up with Alison to discuss their options with Kara sharing that Dan actually has a second idol. And then they all locked in a plan to blindside Dan. Well Kara and Alec at least, as Alison is still scared to get rid of her Goliath security blanket.

The next morning the Davids awoke early and went hunting for what they assumed was a newly hidden immunity idol. While everyone slowly gave up and returned to camp for breakfast, Christian applied his analytic robotics mind and segmented up the island and methodically searched until he successfully found the idol.

Jeffrey returned for this week’s immunity challenge where everyone was required to walk through an obstacle, retrieve balls, balance said balls on a disc, carry it over an obstacle and then maneuver them down a track. Alec, obviously, and Dan got out to an early lead before Carl, Angelina, Alison and Kara caught up at the track. However none of them were a match for Alec, who snatched immunity and TBH my heart. The man is fine and proved adept at ballplay.

Back at camp Kara started to panic about turning on Dan, unsure whether it is too soon. She and Alison approached Gabby and Nick about joining them to split the vote on Dan and Angelina and while they were all in, Alison started to worry that the Davids were planning to pull a fast one over them. Alison shared her worries with Alec who agreed it may be safest to stick with voting out Christian, much to Kara’s frustration. Much to Nick’s frustration, the Goliaths disappeared to the beach one by one despite having the majority. Sadly for them, this gave the Davids the opportunity to get together, share knowledge of all their advantages and hatch the best possible way to use them and snatch the majority whether the Goliaths are onboard or not.

At tribal council Alison spoke about being awoken by the previous tribal council while Gabby admitted she was relieved to take them down a notch. Christian started to play the downtrodden underdog with no options, while Dan gloated about his impressive majority and sticking with it. Mike admitted no one wants to be seen as the first person to flip and Alec spoke about blurred lines in the alliances, which frustrated Gabby who near-screamed that they aren’t asking to know who is getting voted, only that they want to help whoever is on the bottom. Dan continued to be salty, sassing her that going from being one alliance’s bottom to anothers doesn’t sound good – little does he know. This in turn drew the ire of the wider David tribe with Davie, Carl and Christian jumping in to explain how wrong Dan is and how great riding the bottom can be.

Nick pointed out everyone agreed to get rid of Elizabeth but the Goliaths reneged on their deal to take out Angelina next, labeling the Goliaths liars and saying they keep blowing the chances to shake things up. Christian spoke about the game struggling to kick into gear and Carl said that this tribal would be pivotal, given one of the Goliaths are either going to flip or another David will go home. With that the tribe went off to vote, well everyone but Alison who had her vote stolen by Nick as stage one of their plan to snatch control as the Goliaths whispered in panic with Dan wondering who to play his idol for. Dan confidently pulled out his second idol and played it for himself, which sadly (for him) was nullified by Carl’s nullifier, much to the shock of the Goliaths. With that, the votes rolled in for Christian and Angelina before piling up on Dan who looked like he was about to explode in a fit of rage as he was blindsided from the game.

Despite appearing to be filled – swoon – with said rage – less swoon – Dan quickly calmed down and even seemed to take his blindside at the hands of an unprecedented twist in stride. I mean, like Chrissy, there was no way they could navigate around a new element of the game and it cost both of them their spot. Obvi I am not saying that Dan would have won the season, but it still has to hurt. Tragically I said all of this to him and he appeared to fill – again, I wish – with anger, so I quickly had to whip up a big, fat bowl of Dan Rengingering Beef to cheer him up.

 

 

A little bit sweet and packing a spicy surprise, there is no better way I like to take my meat. At the table. Sorry, I’m just going to miss watching him during challenges.

Enjoy!

 

 

Dan Rengingering Beef
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
vegetable oil
500g beef rump steak, thinly sliced
1 onion, thinly sliced
6 shallots, cut into 1 inch pieces
5 garlic cloves, thinly sliced
2 tbsp ginger, minced
½ cup cooking sake
2 tbsp oyster sauce
2 tbsp soy sauce
1 tbsp muscovado sugar
rice or Stephanie Fried Rice, to serve

Method
Heat a lug of oil in a large frying pan over high heat and stir fry the beef for a couple of minutes, or until browned. Add the onions and cook for a further couple of minutes before adding the shallots, garlic and ginger and cook for a minute.

Add the sauces to the pan and cook for a minute, or until thickened. Serve piping hot on a bed of fluffy rice, or better yet, with a little bit of Steph’s fried rice.

 

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Chicken Shomein Fairfax

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Champions vs. Contenders (2018), Main, Snack, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Sharn and Shane were well and truly on the bottom, desperate to find a way to save themselves. Thankfully for them Brian voted Fenella out and upset the other half of Shonella, so when he took Monika on reward and left Shonee back at camp, the three of them formed a new alliance. Despite winning a car – a curse as powerful as my pizza curse – and not winning immunity, Brian survived tribal council thanks to his idol, leaving poor Monika to be blindsided by the SH clique who had a feeling he was packing said idol.

The next day Brian was feeling a bit salty, while Shonee rejoiced in surviving this long and being the final Contender standing. The four congratulated themselves on a game well played and were giddy about their only being three days left. Grubby continued to sulk around the camp, while Shonee listed off her impressive resume from surviving the tribal swap, navigating the post-merge flip-flop and most impressively, Benji’s nachos eating. Hopefully this is start of the winner’s coronation and not a send-off, because I can’t handle a Michelle Dougan situation again.

Meanwhile Shane was dolphin-ing it up in the ocean, talking about the complexities of the mind games and her stellar, not to be fucked with social game. She then shared that her ideal final two would be opposite Sharn, despite the fact she is a killer lawyer and would have an easier time against the disliked blindside. She followed Shonee, listing her resume of blindsides and knowing that going up against Sharn would show that she can defeat the barrister at her own game. Oh and obviously pulling off the blindside of Brian, flushing his idol and his ally in one foul swoop. Given she thinks he is villainous and wants to take him down, however isn’t sure whether taking him out next is the best idea.

Sharn and Shane went for a walk, leaving Brian time to approach Shonee to find out why she flipped on him at the previous tribal. While he pretended to trust her and accept her rational, he vowed to take her down and do what it takes. With that, he followed in the girls footsteps and listed his villainous resume and hoped that his final tribal speech would be interesting and exciting enough to hand him the win. Trying to find new friends, he went for a walk to check treemail with Sharn where they discovered a moral dilemma where a meal was sitting in the jungle and they could either choose to share with Shane and Shonee, both split it or if they can’t decide, the person that wants it for themself gets it. While they debated back and forth for a while, Brian chose to keep the food for himself while Sharn opted to split and as such, Brian got it all for himself. Which he ate, giddily and without remorse.

My boy Jonathan returned for the immunity challenge where the castaways were required to weave discs through a maze suspended on a spring and then stack 12 on top of said maze without knocking them off. Brian and Shonee got out to an early lead while Shane started to close the gap and Sharn took the slow and steady wins the race motto. As you can imagine, this isn’t really something exciting to type about, let alone read … so Brian placed his twelfth and then dropped the stack, as did Shane … and Shonee, leaving Sharn to Steven Bradbury. Wait, nope, she dropped too leaving Brian to snatch immunity on his second attempt. This time with far less arrogance.

Back at camp the ladies congratulated Brian on his immunity win, while Brian was proud of taking out another immunity challenge and quickly identified Sharn as the next boot. He approached Shonee to lock in the vote against Sharn since they were each other’s best hope. Shonee was fairly confident she would be able to turn Shane against Sharn, so approached her to explain how well Sharn has played and how strong she will perform at final tribal. While Shonee would prefer to be taking out Brian, she continued to work Shane hard and assured her that if they are in the final three, she will take her to the end over Brian. Shane and Sharn went for a walk and marvelled at Brian’s luck in the game, before Shane spilt all the goss to Sharn and told her that they were planning to take her out. This allowed Sharn to explain to Shane that if there is a tie between their votes and Brian and Shonee’s, Sharn and Shonee would make fire and as such, they would win out in the end.

After locking in a deal with Sharn, Shane approached Brian to see where his head was at and told him that she would be interested in flipping to them and taking out Sharn as it is their best chance. They roped in Shonee and the three agreed they would vote together, which made Shonee feel even more nervous about the vote ahead. As such, Shonee approached Sharn as she felt she was the most trustworthy person left in the game and floated the idea of joining together to take out Shane instead. Sharn acknowledged that Shane was her biggest competition left in the game and as such was conflicted about which way to go at tribal council.

At said tribal council Brian spoke about only being able to trust immunity at this point in the game, Shane agreed that she doesn’t really know who she can trust, however admitted that she planned to stick with her loyalty and hope for the best. Sharn spoke about being nervous about tribal, though planned to trust her gut, while poor Shonee spoke about not being able to trust anyone until after the votes are read. She hoped that the people she spoke with during the day and felt on the same page as were being honest and things would work out for her.

Sharn acknowledged people needing to play for the jury, trying to sway Shane into staying loyal by painting the jury as not interested in an easy – sorry Steve, giving – win. Shane said that some of the jury actual prefer the villainous gameplay, though admitted that past loyalties would come into play in the final vote. This led to Brian admitting that all the contenders would potentially vote for Shonee and as such, she is a threat. Though he backed the game he played. Sharn spoke about not knowing if she can beat everyone in the end, while Shonee tried to sway her by talking about sticking with her gut. Fellow gut-gal Sharn said that she too would be sticking to hers and with that, they headed off to vote and Sharn and Shane stuck together while Brian and Shonee didn’t, leaving Shonee to be tragically felled in fourth place.

While I desperately wanted to scream at her for essentially 2-1-1-ing herself out of the game and not even trying to go to fire, I couldn’t stay mad at her and instead broke down in tears over the fact that not only were we robbed of a Shonella final two, she follows in the footsteps of Michelle and Flick of being the fourth place robbed goddess. She held me close as I sobbed for all that we, Australia, lost until I was strong enough to serve her a comforting bowl of my Chicken Shomein Fairfax.

 

 

Sweet, spicy and packed full of comforting carbs, chow mein is one of those dishes which look complex but are super easy. So easy you can cook while blinded by the combination of tears and rage.

Enjoy!

 

 

Chicken Shomein Fairfax
Serves: 6.

Ingredients
500g fresh hokkien noodles
peanut oil
500g chicken mince
4 garlic cloves, minced
2 chillies, sliced
2 carrots, julienned
1 red capsicum, seeded and sliced
1 tbsp curry powder
¼ cup oyster sauce
3 tbsp tamari
½ cup cooking sake
⅔ cup peas
½ cup baby corn
100g oyster mushrooms, roughly chopped
1 bunch choy sum, roughly chopped
½ wombok, shredded
4 shallots, sliced

Method
Seperate the noodles in a large bowl and cover with boiling water for five minutes or so. Drain.

Heat a good lug of oil in a wok and cook the mince over high heat for five minutes, or until browned, breakin up any lumps as you go. Add the garlic, chilli, carrot and capsicum, and fry for a further minute. Add the curry powder, oyster sauce, tamari and sake and cook for a couple of minutes. Add all the remaining vegetables and cook for a couple of minutes.

Remove from the heat, toss through the noodles and devour, piping hot, with plenty for hot sauce in honour of her spicy confessionals.

 

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Aimiso Stanton Soup

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2017), Main, Side, Snack, Soup, TV Recap, Vegetarian

Previously on Australian Survivor, Jericho gave into temptation and took a jar of cookies to build his own army, which I still feel is not going to end well for him. On the other hand Tarzan couldn’t bring himself to deceive the tribe. After Asaga took out yet another immunity challenge, Tarzan continued his streak of selflessness by finding and gifting an idol to Tessa, who used it at tribal council, sending Tarzan out of the game as the fourth boot instead of their planned target Locky, who AK told to split the vote.

Back at camp, Tessa was feeling sad about Tarzan going out in the process of saving her, though things quickly turned smug when she realised that she survived the second tribal she shouldn’t have. While everyone tried to stay warm by the fire, AK confirmed that he was planning to flip on the mega-alliance as soon as he could, and intended to use the one person tribe that is Tessa.

Meanwhile at Asaga, Jericho continued to gorge on cookies while everyone slept, like a slightly more likeable version of Taylor Stocker. He then decided that he needed to expand his cookie army beyond Luke and Henry, pulling Sarah into the fold under the guise that she is the only one he could tell. Again, this will come back and bite him in the arse – mark my words!

The next day Samatau struggled to catch fish, while Tessa struggled to make friends. Given the fact that Locky is universally beloved, both AK and Tessa spoke about needing to take him out as quickly as possible. As the weather started to deteriorate, AK approached Ziggy and Jarrad to confirm that they are still tight, and vowed to pull Tessa in to make a move. Tessa, obvi was thrilled to get a second (third, or fourth) chance in the game.

That night Luke and Jericho returned to eating cookies in front of camp while everyone slept, finishing them off and sadly proving my prediction that he’s get screwed wrong. I mean, fuck, even when he went and threw crumbs on his sleeping tribe mates, it didn’t bloody backfire. I was wrong … and I will never say that ever again.

Back at Samatau, AK reminded us that he wants Locky gone at the next possible opportunity. Though Locky wasn’t 100% falling for the stories AK was telling him, he knew it was important to agree with AK before running straight over to Tara to fill her in on AK’s supposed plans. Tara then pulled Aimee aside before AK seemingly got anxious, and joined the girls to confirm he still wants Tessa gone which made Tara start to think that AK needed to go.

It shouldn’t really be a surprise when Samatau lose the next immunity, given the fact Asaga has had two scenes of cookie eating and Samatau has been complete and utter bedlam.

Wanting to see if my predictions have gotten any better, JoJo returned for the next immunity challenge where Asaga were shocked to see Tarzan booted at the last tribal council. The challenge required each tribe to form a chain while holding up discs between the hands of each tribe member, the last tribe with a single disc standing being the winner.

Once again, Henry played his fauxgi role well, coaching his tribe to breathe before Sarah and Kent became the first disc to drop. Peter and Anneliese dropped Samatau’s first disc, followed by Sam and Mark, and Jarrad and Locky, before a rapid chain of drop-outs led to a showdown between Ziggy and AK, and Henry and Mark. After more than an hour and a half of absolute struggle from AK, he and Ziggy finally dropped their disc, handing Asaga immunity and Samatau to their fourth tribal council in a row.

Before even leaving the cliff, Jarrad whispered to Tessa that they had to make a move tonight, making me extremely nervous for my thirst trap Locky. Arriving back at camp did nothing to lessen my fear, as the tribe all locked in their vote for Tessa before AK approached Tessa to float the idea of getting rid of Aimee, with Jarrad and Ziggy.

Thinking that Pete would be the best possible option to get rid of Aimee, Jarrad pulled him aside to float the idea of getting rid of Aimee. Going one further he floated the possibility of getting rid of his friend Tara, who he could see was getting very close with Locky and Aimee. Not to be outdone, Tara then pulled Tessa aside while eating to dinner to float the idea of getting rid of AK at tribal. Seeing AK’s scheming coming together, Tara, Aimee and Locky started to get more and more anxious about the numbers and approached Anneliese to lock her in to help them get rid of him.

At tribal council AK continued to feel bad about losing yet another immunity challenge before Locky pointed out that he was proud of both he and Ziggy for fighting so hard for their tribe. Putting an end to the lovefest, Tessa was asked if she still felt on the outs which she confirmed, she did … though this time, she was strangely quiet about it. The rest of the tribe all danced around how tight the alliance was before Aimee had it with the bullshit and said that the eight wasn’t as tight as they thought.

The reactions ranged from shock, delight and anxiety as the truth floated around tribal before AK tried to get the performance back on track, saying that their are eight people in the alliance and one person to vote for. Tara then decided to join in the truth bomb action, saying that they do need to start thinking of what comes next. Everyone threw out some suitable vague comments before they headed off to vote, while I popped an aspirin to get rid of my confusion induced headache.

The votes quickly started to pile up on AK, before Locky, Tara and Aimee were shocked to see them roll in for the latter, sending her out of the game as the fifth boot. Given the fact she was spewin’ and I had a headache from all the confusion, I thought I’d whip up something soothing for me and my dear friend – and personal plumber – to help us recuperate. Something like my Aimiso Stanton Soup, for instance.

 

 

I mean, sure, it isn’t a pot and a parmie at the local pub like se wanted, but I took her spewin’ comment literally, and felt it my duty to make something nourishing and spicy to help perk her up. Plus – how can you go past miso soup? It is super fresh and tasty. I’ll make you a parmie for All Stars, ok Ames?

Enjoy!

 

 

Aimiso Stanton Soup
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
1 tbsp sesame oil
1 tbsp dried wakame seaweed
1L vegetable stock
1 tbsp fish sauce
1 tsp oyster sauce
100g mushrooms, thinly sliced
1 tbsp sriracha
300g silken tofu, cut into 2cm dice
¼ cup white miso
1 shallot, very thinly sliced

Method
Heat the sesame oil in a pot over medium heat. Add the wakame and fry for a minute, or until fragrant. Add the stock, fish and oyster sauces, mushrooms and sriracha, reduce heat to low and cook for twenty minutes.

Add the tofu and miso and cook until miso dissolves.

Ladle into bowls, sprinkle with shallots and down, down, ay.

 

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