Month: February 2025

Nash Brown Sando

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Breakfast, Main, Sandwich, Street Food, TV, TV Recap


Previously on Australian Survivor two new tribes of Brains and Brawns were dropped in the islands of Samoa to be put to the ultimate test. This time, starting the game with a roaring fire each, though no flint. And given that was being highlighted in the episode 4 recap, one of them is going out tonight, right? After losing the first immunity challenge, the Brawns bounced back and won two in a row. Sadly for them, they did have a loss as Zen went out after breaking a finger in a challenge. Nash found an idol in the opening minutes, though given how badly he flopped the game, he immediately had to play it to stay alive. After winning the reward, Paulie found the newly hidden one – thank f – and tried to keep it secret from his ally Noonan. Over at Brains, after losing the third immunity AJ tried to take out Logan while everyone was distracted by the Kent and Myles feud. Despite his best attempts, his plan failed though was successful in making her well and truly pissed, despite Kent going home.

We checked in with Zaddy Paulie and the Brawn tribe, where Noonan was desperately trying to help Paulie find the idol, unaware that my king already had it stuffed down his pants. And while he felt bad to have kept the information from her, he didn’t feel bad enough to tell her. Being an icon, he then began to speculate that Nash had found it before he got the chance. He shouldn’t feel too bad though, as she assured us that if she got to the idol first, there is no way in hell she would tell Paulie about it. Which is just bad allyship, right? I mean, on mardi gras week?!

Over at the Brains everyone was thrilled to be Kent free, watching the planes fly overheard, grateful that he is likely on one of them, departing the island. Sadly for them, with Kent not around to tend the fire at night, theirs went out – as predicted – which left them all tired and starving. Instead of dwelling on that, Logan turned her attention towards the firing rage within, which was a plan to get revenge on AJ for trying to get rid of her. Because cute and fun people shouldn’t be punished for being cute and fun. Thankfully AJ is as smart as he is cute, realising he tanked his gang and as such, needed to make another move to save it. We then got a cute flashback of AJ catching up with Kaelan and Rich after tribal council, planting seeds that Logan and Laura were both coming for him. Rich started to absolutely spiral and as such, he decided he needed to get rid of Logan ASAP.

Back at Brawn the tribe made a clock out of Zen’s old shoes while Nash completely failed at the basic task of sitting (let’s not talk about it being in a hammock, which is tough). Despite losing his ally Zen, he was confident the rest of his alliance – Ursula, PD and Kristin – were still loyal, so he just needed to bamboozle one more person. After seeing Jesse was regalling the tribe with a tribute rap to Zen, and clearly loving his energy, he realised he had to go a different route. Specifically, emotional blackmail. He broke down by the shore, leading to sweet, sexy Paulie coming down to comfort him and hot damn, Paulie. Could you please stop? My basement is flooded.

My love JLP returned for the reward challenge where everyone would be paired up to balance on narrow pegs which got progressively narrower over time. With the tribe to have the last pair standing winning a good, old-fashioned sausage sizzle. Or as I prefer to call it, a sausage fest. That being said these challenges are never that fun to recap, so let’s just go through everyone that dropped. Nash, obviously, was first to go after 30 seconds, taking Noonan with him. Ben and PD joined them on the Brawn bench before everyone else moved to narrower pegs at the ten minute mark. That cost Rich and AJ their place, as the rest of the Brains told them to get intel on the bench. Kaelan and Max dropped, followed by Laura and Karin, giving Brawn the upper hand. At 20 minutes, Ally and Myles exited, leaving Logan and Zara to carry the hopes of the tribe on their shoulders as they moved to the narrowest pegs. Ursula dropped out of nowhere, followed by Paulie and Jesse leaving the icons to battle the equally iconic Kate and Morgan at Brawn. Who eventually gave up, giving Logan and Zara the hero moment they deserve.

Knowing they were desperate, JLP decided to get spicy and give them a choice – either take the sausage sizzle, or take a flint to restart their fire and give the sausage sizzle to their rivals. Feeding them and potentially pushing them to victory at the next immunity challenge. Ally advocated for them to play it smart and take the flint so they have consistent food for the weeks ahead. Rich, however, cut her off and said he was hungry and wanted a snag, putting it to a vote instead. Which promptly went in the favour of the food.

We followed the Brains back to camp where they were delighted to find a barbecue set up by the shore. Much to Ally’s rage, who still felt they should have taken the flint and struggles to keep her opinions to herself. Ignoring the fact they could have lit a napkin on fire on the barbecue to restart theirs, but whatever (I know production probably banned it). As everyone sat down to smash their feast, Rich realised that the boys and girls were clearly divided and as such, he wanted to formalise something with the rest of the boys. Rich told everyone that Logan is after him and as such, the boys all need to stick together to protect all of their games. When it really feels more like a him problem. Max, Kalaen and Rich pushed really hard for Myles and AJ to join them despite clearly being on the bottom, before christening their alliance with a name – the Bomb Squad.

That night we checked in with the Brawns, where the tribe delighted in having a fire and laughing about the misfortune of their rivals. Nash meanwhile was bored, given nobody was playing the game as hard as him. Apparently. He then shared with us that he had actually thrown the first immunity challenge, which TBH, makes a lot more sense given nobody can be that stupid. He wanted to build trust, however, so decided now was the right time to lock in with his allies, so told PD, Kristin and Ursula the truth. Much to the absolute rage of PD, who wasn’t sure whether Nash was just dumb and trying to save face. But either way, if this gets out to anyone else, Nash, you in danger, girl. Particularly since Ursula was close to becoming his collateral damage already.

We arrived at the next immunity challenge where the tribes competed in some ball sports, another favourite activity of mine. In groups, two members of each tribe would face off to collect a ball before passing it to someone on a platform, who would kick it at the goal which was guarded by another person.

First up, Ben, Jesse, Nash and PD faced off against Myles, Kaelan, Nash and Logan. And while Brawn collected the ball first, PD kicked it at the wrong goal, which allowed the Brains to pass it over to Myles. And despite his own tribe thinking he was a bad choice for the kicker, he promptly scored the first point. Morgan, Ursula, Noonan and Paulie faced off against Rich, Zara, Karin and Ally, with Noonan tying things up on her second kick. We got a rematch of the first round, with Rich trading places with Logan, with Myles proving himself a beast, as her quickly scored his second point of the challenge. Like the pole dancer king that he is. Myles and Rich stayed in their places as Laura and Karin faced off against Morgan and Ursula in the field, with Myles literally securing his hat trick and pushing the Brains further in front. In the fifth round, the Brains left Myles where he was which proved sensible as he kicked his fourth goal and handed Brains immunity.

Again, icon.

Back at camp Brawn lamented their loss, while Noonan led everyone in praising Myles as a star athlete. She then swiftly turned her attention towards getting rid of her nemesis Nash, pulling aside Morgan and Kate to make sure they weren’t still locked in with Nash after turning on Candy at the first tribal council. As the girls and Paulie locked in their plans, Ursula realised that being aligned with Nash was a bad idea and as such, she joined them to assure them she is open to anything. This pissed off Morgan, calling her out for only coming to them when she is in trouble, which is fair, while Paulie tried to calm them all down. Realising she needed to do something major, she told them that Nash threw the first challenge, reminding them that she clocked it from the start and they need him out ASAP. Which was all it took to assure them she was in with them. Nervous about him pulling off another miracle, Noonan didn’t want to split the vote, telling Paulie to go get his idol to keep them all safe.

To his credit, Nash wasn’t overly worried about going home, assuming he and his allies would be able to pull off another miracle. He approached Jesse and Ben to try and convince them that without Zen, he has no buddies left in the game and as such, wants to align with some fun friends. Like, say, them. He then took Jesse to talk to Ursula and Kristin, with Ursula slipping and telling Jesse that Nash threw the challenge. To distract, Nash then decided to target Morgan, for reasons, pulling Paulie aside and praying for a miracle.

After praying by the ocean, Nash got to work idol hunting and fuck me dead, he found another one. Or at least pretended that he did. He read a note and ran away from Paulie, who asked him to show him the idol. Nash told him there was no need to, as he’ll see it later that night. And while nobody wanted to believe he had found another one, they were also terrified about not splitting the vote and as such locked in another couple of votes on Ursula. Everyone then got to work tailing Nash for the rest of the afternoon, while he locked in his alliance with Kristin before trying to convince Paulie or Noonan to join him instead and flip on Morgan. Though given his pitch was that he was playing the best social game and that they needed him if they’re going to survive the merge, me thinks it won’t work. Because if your social game was good, you wouldn’t have been a target from day one. He then took that pitch to Jesse, telling him he can’t confirm whether he has an idol as they aren’t connected. But if he votes out Morgan with him, he will take him to the end. Which, to reiterate, is never happening as Nash will not last the week without a string of increasingly wild miracles.

At tribal council Noonan spoke about how the short break from tribal council had helped them come together, with Paulie agreeing that they have all come together and become a family. Ursula meanwhile realised she was well and truly on the bottom, all because she was aligned with Nash. Though she did caution everyone that anything can happen at tribal council. PD agreed that being aligned with Nash isn’t helpful before Kate reiterated she doesn’t hate Nash, just doesn’t think he is playing the good, honest game he has told them he is playing. Given he threw the first challenge. Nash tried to explain it away as wanting to figure out who he could and couldn’t trust. Which annoyed the hell out of Noonan, who pointed out he put his alliance in danger in the process as Ursula almost went home. Kate and Morgan joined the fray, with the latter cussing him out for being a hypocrite because he would be irate if she threw sandbags at his head, rather than at the discs. Which fair. Violent, but fair. 

Noonan admitted she is now terrified of ever touching a puzzle, given he completely screwed her over by making her look like a flop. While he just thought they should all move on. Paulie felt Nash threw a challenge way too soon, while Nash tried to make a play for their hearts talking about how he loves them. Before doubling down on his potential idol, with Paulie just asking him to flop it out and show them what they’re working with. Or shut up. Ursula spoke about being nervous given the vote will be split between her and him, with Nash trying one last mind game, suggesting they load the votes on him and just see how things play out. While Jesse was nervous about Nash maybe, just maybe, actually having a trick up his sleeve. With that the tribe voted and despite Nash’s assurances that he had an idol, he didn’t – despite taking a theatrically timed sip of water to scare them. And thankfully, the Brawns stuck to their guns and finally sent him out the door.

By the time Nash arrived at Loser Lodge, I had softened slightly. Do I think he played a terrible game and shouldn’t have tried to copy his friend’s winning path last year? Yes. But the man also gave us some drama, and an iconic flameout is always a delicious thing to watch. As such, I pulled him in for a massive hug and after whispering to never copy the strategy of the winner everyone watched before departing – if we learnt anything from Abby in All Stars, it is that you target the same type of player – thanked him for giving us a show, however brief it ended up being. Before toasting his drama with a gloriously soothing Nash Brown Sando.

If there is one thing I’m going to do, it is find a way to sneak a potato into a meal it isn’t traditionally. And since I have a bit of a thing for a hashie-b, using it to form a breakfast sandwich was frankly a no-brainer.

Enjoy!

Nash Brown Sando
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
4 Slash Browns
4-6 bacon rashers
4 eggs
2 slices American cheese
¼ cup Hollandaise Taylor

Method
Cook the Slash Browns and Hollandaise Taylor per their respective recipes.

Fry up the bacon until nice and crisp, before transferring to a plate lined with a paper towel to drain. Crack the eggs into the fatty pan and fry to your liking.

To assemble, pop a hash brown on a plate followed by some bacon, an egg, the cheese, another egg and some bacon. Drizzle with the hollandaise, close the sando with a hashie and devour, like an icon.


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Kent Miller-Feuillendle

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Dessert, Snack, Sweets, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor everything was on the up and up for the Brawns after winning their first immunity challenge. After a little scene with Zen talking about his hunger, the tribes arrived at the reward challenge where JLP announced that despite it only being episode three, it is a doozy. Eleven individual bowls of fries, ready for the loading. The Brawn tribe dominated the challenge 5-0, however Zen appeared to do something with his hand while wrestling Kaelan. Back at camp, Paulie found a clue to the hidden immunity idol in his bowl, so quickly went hunting while the rest of the tribe went swimming. It was then that Zen realised his hand had doubled in size. We then fast forwarded to the immunity challenge where both tribes were gagged to see him return from medical leave with a cast on his hand due to a badly broken finger, which sadly meant he was being pulled from the game.

As everyone wiped away their tears, we did a hard pivot and turned our attention back to the immunity challenge where they would race over a series of obstacles to collect rope and bamboo. They would then use said rope and bamboo to fashion a big ol’ stick to knock a bottle off a shelf to release a key. Next, they would use said key to unlock coconuts and then use said coconuts to knock out tiles. On the first obstacle Kent almost became the second medevac as he took a hard fall on his head. Both tribes were neck and neck – no pun intended – with Kent working at a feverish pace, clearly knowing his terrible game hasn’t made him many friends. Brawns started to pull away as the Brains descended into chaos, with Rich barking orders and annoying the hell out of all the women. Somehow things got closer with both tribes shooting coconuts, as Kent proved himself valuable to the Brains knocking tile after tile. Just sadly not as quickly as Ben for the Brawns, who secured their second immunity challenge.

Back at camp Kent immediately got back to work targeting Myles, lecturing him in front of the tribe, which only made him more dislikable. As such, the dolls rightly got to work locking in a plan against Kent instead, and immediately looped in Myles. After assuring him to not worry about any other plan he hears. The Coven joined the rest of the tribe to lock in the Kent plan, which frustrated AJ, who felt it was a waste of time given he will always be a target. But given AJ is literally wearing a different outfit in his confessional, I think he will be on the wrong side of the vote tonight.

AJ pulled Myles aside to float a plan to get rid of Logan instead, given she is popular, likeable and influential. Like Shonee, remember. With Myles apparently open to it, AJ went to Kaelan before finding a potential woman to flip to his side. Deciding Ally was the most likely to jump, he checked in with her and while she was open to it, he didn’t actually name names. Sadly she went straight to Logan assuming his plan was Rich, and floated getting rid of him instead. Which Logan, obviously, was 100% fine with. She then ran the plan past Laura, unaware that she was really the plan. While Laura tried to talk her out of it, she doubled down on hating Rich so much that getting rid of him would be best for her mental health. They then hilariously caught up with AJ, who had to pretend the plan was still Kent.

AJ finally pulled Ally and Max aside, who were gagged to learn that Logan was his actual target and as such, pulled the pin in the plan and went back to getting rid of Kent. As Ally assured him she is fine to get rid of Logan, just not yet. Despite AJ begging Ally to not say anything, she immediately took the information back to Logan, who was rightly pissed and looped in Laura, begging her to flip the vote on AJ and send him home instead. Which is 100% what would happen to a poker player, no?

We finally ventured to tribal council where Kent spoke about how much easier this tribal council will be compared to their first. Logan admitted she has an idea of who is potentially aligned, but still isn’t confident in knowing who to trust. Myles spoke about being a free agent and just wanting to prove himself as such to downplay the perception that he is playing too hard. Rich shared that there are multiple people on the block tonight, with Logan coyly pointing out someone may not even know they’re on the block. As she whispered to Laura about how much she wants to see AJ go. Kent then spoke about having an exceptional read on the situation and felt it was unlikely he was being blindsided. AJ spoke about the fear of making the wrong move and not getting your target out. Which Logan laughed about, admitting she is struggling to decide whether to go for instant gratification of getting someone out or planning three steps ahead. While Laura tried to caution everyone to think their moves out carefully.

With that, obviously, the tribe voted – Kent even more obviously for Myles – before the tribe stuck to the original plan and the votes piled up on Kent. Much to his shock and the utter jubilation of everyone at home. None more so than me. As Kent arrived at Loser Lodge, however, he was actually kind of sweet, so instead, I commiserated with him about his loss. Because as a super fan, that is one thing I can relate to. As such, I toasted him living out his dream, however short it may have lasted, with a gorgeously rich Kent Miller-Feuillendle.

Like the man himself, this little treat is oh so rich. But in this instance, it is a good thing. The custard is velvety and smooth, the pastry is crisp and light, creating the perfect quick and easy dessert. Only because this is a cheats version, obviously.

Enjoy!

Kent Miller-Feuillendle
Serves: 8.

Ingredients
1 tbsp custard powder
1 cup milk, plus extra for glazin’
1 tbsp raw caster sugar
1 tbsp vanilla extract
1 ½ sheets puff pastry, thawed
⅔ cup thickened cream
1 cup icing sugar
2 tsp glucose syrup
2 tbsp unsalted butter, melted
1 tbsp cocoa powder

Method
Preheat the oven to 200°C.

Combine the custard powder and a quarter of the milk in a saucepan until well combined. Whisk in the sugar, vanilla and remaining milk and cook over medium heat for about five minutes, or until the custard thickens. Remove from the heat and transfer to a bowl, covering with a piece of cling film directly touching the surface and chill for a couple of hours for an hour or so.

While the custard is chilling, place the pastry on a lined baking sheet and top with a second piece of baking paper, followed by a second baking tray, and bake for 20 minutes. Remove the top trays and bake for a further five minutes, or until golden and crisp. Transfer to a wire rack and allow to cool completely.

To make the glaze, whisk the icing sugar, glucose and melted butter in a bowl with a little bit of milk, one tablespoon at a time, until you have a thick but pourable glaze. Remove a quarter of the glaze to another bowl and whisk in the cocoa.

When you’re almost ready to start assembling, whisk the cream until stiff peaks form and fold it through the custard mixture. Cut the pastry in half using a serrated knife and place one piece on a platter. Spread with half the custard cream, top with another sheet of pastry and the remaining cream before topping with the last piece of pastry. Pour over the white glaze, spreading evenly with a spatula. Drizzle lines of chocolate glaze lengthwise along the strip, before using a skewer or toothpick to create a pattern.

Pop in the fridge to set before devouring, greedily, thinking about burning the hats of teachers.


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Chip and Chickzen Santon

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Lunch, Main, Sandwich, Snack, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor after starting the game strong, the Brawns took a backseat in the challenges before finally jagging a second win, this one for immunity, after Nash finally stopped trying to play the hero. With the Brains now forced to scramble, Kent got to targeting Myles in earnest, while the Coven hoped to take control and get rid of Rich instead. Indy, sadly, felt she was included in the alliance too late, so instead ran to Rich to let him know about the plan. Which led to even more, unnecessary chaos. At tribal council, Kent admitted to burning Max’s hat, before still trying to get rid of Myles, despite rendering his argument about Myles moot given he never burned the hat. Luckily for him, Indy misplayed it way worse and went from an easy vote with the girls to a quick ticket out of the game and back home.

We checked in with the Brawn tribe where Nash had decided he was wasting away despite it only being a week. Zen opened up about being angry about how much of a flop their meals had been. Meaning they’re totally winning a hearty meal at the next reward, right? Or is he busy coming for my gig with a rice and beans cookbook? 

Back with the Brains, Kent was busy barking orders and acting like he is in charge of the tribe, while the rest of them bitched and moaned – rightly – about how much they hated his attitude. Logan lamented how annoying it was to see Indy ruin their majority, so pulled the Coven aside to figure a way to claw it back and free themselves of Kent. Oh, we also learnt about her life as a WAG and yeah, I am stanning Shonee 2.0. Zara meanwhile brought up Rich as their backup option and while he also annoys me, Kent is the worst. And when Max joined them to specifically beg them to get rid of, and I quote Max here, the little hobbit man, it seemed like a done deal for Kent.

So what could fuck this up? AJ. AJ, who I was just about to say was oddly hot, until he suggested he needed to keep Kent safe and take advantage of the girls being in the minority for a round or two. He went man to man to point out that the girls have been talking a lot of strategy together and as such, they needed to focus on them first. And as a poker player, he would know, apparently. Despite poker players historically doing terribly at the game.

The tribes met up with JLP for the latest reward challenge where they would face off 1 on 1 by racing over a floating net to collect a flag from the rival platform before their opponent. And TBH, given the winners would get loaded fries, I would literally give up my first born. The first battle was between Ally and Ursula with the latter making quick work of getting the Brawns out in front. Ben versus Rich was as equally disappointing as Rich fell flat on his face, handing Brawns another win. Followed by PD quickly besting Max, before Kaelan finally gave Zen a run for his money before he too jagged the Brawns yet another point. Though not without a close up on his hand and crunching sound, which feels very ominous. Karin then fought valiantly to save it for the Brains, before Noonan proved too strong, powered through and scored reward for the team.

Back at camp the Brawns were overwhelmed by the sight of their individual bowls of hot chips along with a literal buffet of toppings for loading. After they loaded them sky high, they sat down to smash their food before Zaddy Paulie discovered a map painted on his napkin. After stuffing it into his crotch – oh to be a napkin – Noonan started hunting around the reward table to see if she could find a clue, knowing that there should be something hidden amongst it. Paulie meanwhile was excited to try and figure out a way to sneak off from camp without being noticed, given he doesn’t get to do anything sneaky in the real world as an ambo. Being a King, he suggested he needed to find some sun to hang his jumper, so wandered off by himself to see if he could jag it.

While he was camply wandering around to find the perfect patch of sun for his jungle washing line, he was rewarded for being focused on the game with a big, fat immunity idol. While while the rest of the tribe had a breath holding contest in the shallows. Except for Noonan, who quickly figured out that he had found a clue so sidled up to him to confirm it. And while he tried to lie, he quickly admitted that he found the clue, though not an idol. Meanwhile in the ocean, Zen realised his hand was now double its size after the challenge and began to worry that he did something to it.

We fast forwarded a day to reunite with JLP for the immunity challenge where both tribes were gagged to see Zen return from medical leave with a full plaster cast on his arm. This immediately upset Kaelan, who ran to hug him and apologise for hurting him. I was then completely shocked to learn that Zen was being pulled from the game and well, shit, I was just growing to unashamedly love him. Everyone started to cry, pulling him in for a hug and talking about how heartbroken they are to see him go. And the only thing as sad as watching him trying to hold it together while talking about being strong, was seeing how guilty Kaelan was feeling.

As he wandered away from the challenge and the game, I pulled him in for a hug and told him how heartbreaking it was to see him be medevaced. Though hopefully he will follow in the footsteps of Nina and come back triumphantly, rather than Ross and Jackie, who tragically never got their rudemption. Sorry, redemption. Thankfully, he has way more resilience than I do, happily smashing a Chip and Chickzen Santon and heading on his way.

So yeah, this is a pretty quick and dirty recipe, but we were surprised to see Zen go so soon. But just because something is super easy, doesn’t mean it isn’t delicious. I mean, fried chicken and crisps on a sando? Sign. Me. Up.

Enjoy!

Chip and Chickzen Santon
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
4 slices bread, ideally something soft
2 tbsp butter
6-8 Cydney Goujons
½ cup cheddar cheese, grated
1-2 cups Baga Chipz

Method
Now this one is difficult, so strap in. Butter the bread, top with chicken, a sprinkle of cheese and the chips before closing the sandwich.

And then devouring, gleefully.


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Kardashindy Salad

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Salad, Side, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor Nash found an idol in the opening moments of the game and immediately became the most insufferable person on screen. As the rest of the Brains and Brawn got out to battle, a group of iconic women led by a witch and PTA vice-president took control of the Brains tribe. While Kent was busy trying to rival Nash by doing too much, and burning poor Max’s hat in the hope of being relevant – I mean, toxic. – and getting rid of Myles. For reasons. When Nash caused the Brawns to lose immunity, the goal quickly became to flush his idol or get him out. And tragically for Candy, it was the former, as she became the first boot.

We opened by checking in with the Brains, where we met cute little Kaelan who was serving up coconuts and winning hearts. Along with mine, because he is hot. And smart. And cares about the environment. And is doing something about it. I stan him and will have 20 of his babies. Meanwhile over at the Brawn tribe, Nash continued to make a play for screen time as he turned his shorts into speedos and gloated about surviving tribal council. He was wise enough to figure out that somebody from his alliance flipped on him though, so got to work finding out who the culprit was. And it literally became the quickest hunt, as he spoke to Zen first, who immediately admitted it and shared he only wanted to flush the idol. While admitting to us that he looks forward to blindsiding Nash at the first opportunity.

Back at the Brains, Indy was weaving a new hat for Max to make up for Kent burning his on night one. Just as I was about to make a pun about his name and certain c word, Kent broke down in confessional about how desperately he has wanted to be on the show and while it gives rich people problems, I won’t kick him while he is down. Wait, no,  he is still coming for Myles in the cruellest way possible, saying he lacks EQ and is playing too hard, which is exactly what I’d say about the millionaire who is currently bullying a pole dancer king and burnt a teacher’s hat. Thankfully I wasn’t the only person to notice, as Rich pointed out Kent was being a bit weird. We then met Indy who spoke about her plans to lay low and watch what everyone was doing to position herself well, quickly deciding that she would like to hitch her wagon to the Coven. Which is 100% what I would do, as a gay man.

The Coven too were thrilled to be in a coven, with Laura delighted by how her game was playing out so far. We learnt that her number one is Logan and honestly, I live because again, this is giving big Shonella energy. Knowing the girls need a few boys to make a majority, Laura and Logan quickly got to work finding a man to join them. Sadly, Rich became target number one as he sidled up to them to take control. Sadly for them, he was also playing them and his plan was for him and Max to pretend they’re riding their coattails before cutting their throats. And just like that, Rich and Max are dead to me.

My love Jonathan returned for the latest reward challenge where they would race down a slide to collect sandbags, which they would use to knock over puzzle pieces and then run out into the ocean to solve the floating puzzle. Oh and the victors would either get a big old fish or a big ol’ set of fishing gear. Everyone was neck and neck on the slide until Karin missed her bag. Thankfully Queen Logan grabbed a double and tied it up. It remained tight as they tried to knock the puzzle pieces free, but who really cares, given half the men are in speedos and they look glorious. Including my boyfriend Paulie. The Brawns got out to a massive lead until Nash wanted to step in and toss some bags, and absolutely flopped allowing the Brains to power ahead. For some reason, they left Nash playing, allowing the Brains to methodically work through the puzzle until Ben finally stepped in and caught them up. And then Zaddy Paulie happened, calmly guiding the Brawns through the puzzle until the gap closed. Though sadly not quick enough as the Brains narrowly secured reward.

Back at camp the Brains were thrilled to see their options with Kaelan pushing for them to take the fishing gear while Rich was the lone voice wanting to have a huge meal today and then starve for the rest of the game. As he was telling us they would never catch any fish in their bay, Kaelan snagged one right on cue and yes, he remains my icon. Karin and Logan, meanwhile, were hating how much of a flop their shelter is. Being proactive, Ally tried to lead the tribe in some repairs, while the boys joked around and complained about working and not relaxing. Specifically one of my new least favourite people, Rich. Ally took Zara for a little walk in the jungle to formulate a little plan to get rid of him and free up some of the nicer boys to work with them, and just improve all the vibes around camp. That night Karin and Ally looped in Indy on the plan and while she was thrilled to be part of an alliance, she did question whether she would have been told if she hadn’t asked and ugh, Indy, please don’t do anything silly.

JLP made his return for the latest immunity challenge where the tribes would race to untie and roll a giant spool through a course with someone perched on top to collect sandbags before setting up some targets before two people try to land four sandbags on top from a far away tower. Brawn got out to a very early lead until the Brains got their eye in and snuck ahead. Despite having a massive lead by the time they got to tossing, the Brawn tribe quickly got their eye in as Ben landed bag after bag and snatched victory, sending the Brains to tribal council. All because Rich is an absolute flop.

Back at camp he tried to distract from his flop ways as the tribe focused on how close they were in the challenge, ignoring how much of an epic lead they had. Kent meanwhile was on an island by himself, pumped to be getting rid of Myles at the first opportunity. While AJ was ready to get rid of Myles, Kaelan was not so sure given he is good at challenges which Kent weakly pointed out that they are the same height, which means absolutely nothing. He then grew worried about scrambling and making people doing stupid things, so went into the jungle for a nap. Thankfully Kaelan looped in Myles, letting him know that people are getting scared that he is playing too hard and want to eliminate him before he can make a move against them.

While the boys were feuding amongst themselves, the girls continued to focus on getting rid of Rich. Except for Indy, who wasn’t thrilled to just be a number and not in control. Zara calmly pointed out that not everyone can get their way this first vote given there are literally 12 different motives, which appeared to calm Indy a little. Until it didn’t, given Laura was more focused on protecting Rich as her puppet. The other issue was Indy, who wanted to be in a power position, so decided to approach AJ, and then Rich and Max to let them know that Karin had rallied the women to get rid of Rich. And ugh, Indy, I was rooting for you. Now, I’m not. She then threatened to come for them if they threw her under the bus and well, you know that means they’re going to do just that.

As soon as she went away, the boys decided that she was making it all up and instead decided to turn their attention to her instead. As that was happening, Laura was telling the girls that going for Rich could be a bigger problem if he stayed and as such, they should just vote for Myles to lull him into a false sense of security. While her logic is solid, Zara and Karin were not sold. Until Rich joined the girls and told them that Indy said they’re all coming for him, and as such, the girls quickly got on board with his plan to get rid of her instead. Giving us another tragic episode with Rich, but thankfully keep pole king Myles around another day. The tribe seemed to have come together until Kent woke up and told everyone to vote Myles, and TBH it was complete and utter chaos as they prepared to head off.

At tribal council Karin spoke about how the Brains had made the most of the first five days, laying the groundwork of alliances and getting to know each other. But it is all untested without a trip to tribal council, so they’re about to cash some cheques. Myles spoke about how the tribe had appeared to sour on him for being too excited to play the game, with Kent quickly jumping in to point out he was working to poison the tribe against him. With the first thing being to burn Max’s hat. And while he thought it was a fun story, I’m not sure what he was planning to achieve as everyone now thinks he is an arsehole. Things then went crankier, as Indy started to throw shade at the girls, with Ally trying to defend them and Rich started to talk over her.

The fight flipped to Karin and Indy, as Karin pointed out that she wanted a man to go home first for no other reason than to protect Indy. Karin and Zara methodically tried to calm Indy down with her ultimately thinking she was right, after they admitted the girls’ alliance is not a thing. Because of her. Rich then started talking about being aligned with his Victorian castmates, which made Laura and Logan nervous that their secret had been found out. And more importantly, unsure about which way Karin was voting. With that the tribe voted – Kent, obviously, for Myles – as everyone else came together to snip Indy out of the game before she could create more chaos.

She was in tears as she walked into Loser Lodge, so I quickly swallowed my rage and instead of telling her that she only had herself to blame, I pulled her in for a hug. And then pulled a Tyra-lite, by telling her I was rooting for her and all the women to get rid of man after man … and that she only has herself to blame for going out too soon. To her credit, Indy was well aware that she should have just gone with the flow so early in the game, so I pulled her in for another hug, as we sobbed together and manifested the female domination commencing in her honour. All while devouring a Kardashindy Salad.

This little copycat of the famous, shaken Kardashian salad, is as simple as it is delicious. Plus, when a salad is jam packed full of as much meat and cheese as this one, it turns out you can make friends with salad.

Enjoy!

Kardashindy Salad
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 baby cos, thinly sliced
400g tinned chickpeas, drained and rinsed
200g Italian salami, thinly sliced
1 cup mozzarella cheese, grated
¼ cup olive oil
2 tbsp red wine vinegar
1 ½ tsp dijon mustard
1/4 tsp salt
1/4 tsp black pepper
2 tbsp parmesan cheese, grated

Method
Combine the lettuce, chickpeas, salami and mozzarella in a bowl and toss to combine.

Whisk the remaining ingredients together in a jug before drizzling over the salad, tossing said salad, serving and then, devouring.


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Ricotta and Candried Tomato Roulade

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Main, Poultry, TV, TV Recap

Previously on Australian Survivor, well four years ago, we Mad Max-ed a collection of brutes and brains into the Queensland outback due to that little thing called COVID we’d all like to forget about. Despite doing away with the tropical islands, the battle remained the same and for the first time globally, the brainiacs got the upper hand as the toughies exited one by one until Queen Hayley slayed and defeated George. Like she should have, despite being voted out mid-game. Fast forward through a snooze to crown Mark, Liz defeating returnees and Feras defeating his bestie Kirby, and JLP decided it was time to get into his Charli XCX era to remix Brains V Brawns. Though back in the Samoan jungles, home to the iconic OG winner, our Samoan Sea Witch.

Begging the question, does that mean the literal witch on the cast is winning? I hope so.

As has become tradition, we made our way into said jungle with the castaways running onto our screens through gorgeous, slow-mo shots before we first meet Olympian Morgan, who is strong, sassy and well, easily destined to be a favourite. She was joined by Noonan, an iconic female local footy player who is ready to make a name for herself and yes, queen, she is my new favourite. Next up was Rapper Zen who assured us he could have been on the Brains tribe and TBH, he is ripped, so if he is in a speedo, I would be open to stanning.

While the Brawns ran through the jungle, the Brains were smart enough to hitch a ride to their camp on a bus which makes them early favourites to win the opening challenge as they won’t be exhausted, no? Plus, Dr Karin looks ripped and iconic, and could drag me through the jungle with her pinky. Rich, meanwhile, is a director and well, is confident. But that is about it. As is financial analyst Myles who joked about being a freak in the (spread)sheets and straight up pole dances in his spare time. So yeah, we have a new favourite and well, good luck knocking this King from the throne that is my heart. Max meanwhile has veins in his brains but literally got drenched by a wave in his opening confessional which means he will flameout, no?

Finally the tribes arrived to officially meet JLP by the ocean where Noonan quickly locked in her nickname and reiterated how confident she is that the Brawns will destroy. AJ on the Brains, meanwhile, was pretty confident that a Brain would win this match up … 50% of the time, much to the dismay and confusion of the tribe. Indy meanwhile told the Brawns she thought they’d be fitter, while we met Nash who is a friend of Feras, which means he’ll be an early out by laws of Drag Race (where winner’s children go out early in future seasons).

After dishing out buffs, JLP put the tribes to the test in the first reward challenge of the season which was super simple – collect a key from a very tall pole using only sandbags and palm fronds. JLP then explained that this season they would start the season with lit fires, but they would not have a flint. The prize for winning the first challenge was a construction kit back at camp to provide shelter and one would assume, protect the flame. That or I missed it and they would get a flint too. Who knows slash who cares, TBH? The Brawns got out to an early lead with Zaddy Paulie quickly getting to the top of the heap – and my heart – but realised his pole wasn’t thick enough to do any damage. This allowed the Brains time to close the gap until AJ snapped his stick. Brawns then pivoted to standing Kate on their shoulders, while Max tried to toss a bag at the key which ended up creating a barrier to block their key from moving, allowing Brawn to power ahead and snatch victory. Because all of the Brains men just kind of gave up. Except for pole king Myles, obvi.

We followed the victors back to camp where the tribe were feeling confident now that they had witnessed the Brains lack of brains, as Paulie led the team through some introductions. With Zen using the time to drop some beats, which both shamed and delighted Noonan, making her my fave. After they unlocked their reward and split some bananas, Jesse and Ben led the rest of the tribe to whip up a shelter, everyone was quickly getting to work bonding. This frustrated Nash who thought they were wasting time and not focusing on important things like starting strong and finding said idol. And as much as I’d like to say he didn’t find one, he did and ugh, I hope he just doesn’t play it and goes out ASAP because I’m already bored.

After gloating to us about being a star, he pulled out the idol to show Zen just how good he is, quickly locking in an alliance between them in the process. We then learnt he is a sweet family man, which made me soften just a little bit and feel bad about irrationally hating him 15 minutes into the season. Until he walked back into camp wearing his idol for attention. Thankfully nobody gave a shit at all, given they were focused on building shelter. That is until Ben finally spotted it. As Paulie and the girls’ raged about how silly he was being – icons, each and every one – Nash tried to build an all male alliance, solidifying the fact I need him to bounce in week one. Preferably today, right now.

We pressed pause on Nash’s shenanigans to check in with the Brains tribe where primary school teacher Max tried to get everyone to push ahead despite him losing the challenge for the tribe. After being called stupid a couple of times, he led them through introductions before we met Queen Zara who is super smart and ready to lead an all women’s alliance. I hope and pray. Particularly if it includes good witch Laura who is iconic just because she is a witch, and potentially our prophesied winner. After reading auras she realised she couldn’t work with Kent as his colours are all off. Thankfully she and Myles were vibing, along with Logan – the second coming of Shonee – and my Queens Zara and Karin. With the girls keen to form a coven and dominate the game. So yeah, lock it up – this is the alliance I want to ride to the end with.

Back at Brawn, young Zen decided to go swimming and show off his body in a speedo, which is a win and the smartest way to my heart. Sadly he said he wanted to downplay his testosterone and intelligence, which is insufferable. Particularly coming from the youngest person on the tribe. But he continued to wander around in the speedo, so I will forgive him. With Nash firmly in a power position with his idol, everyone decided to buddy up to him in the interim, with Noonan admitting to us she didn’t want to play his game nor let him dictate how they play. So let’s home this queen can navigate around it and get rid of him ASAP.

We went back to Brains where we learnt that everyone already hated Kent, as he barked orders and tried to elevate them from their mediocrity. His words, not mine. So snooze, goodbye. Take your millions of millions of dollars, and go home. As everyone tried to sleep, he snuck out of the shelter and pulled a Sandra by throwing Max’s hat in the fire, unaware that it actually makes him Holly Hoffman, rather than the iconic two-time winner. Though without Holly’s likability to overcome the drama. He then gaslit Max, telling him his hat was deep in the jungle when he woke up. He started cackling to us, promising to slowly poison the tribe with toxicity. First setting his sights on framing our pole dancing King Myles for the hat burning, so like Nash, girl bye.

The tribes reconvened with JLP where the Brains were gagged to see my nemesis Nash walk in wearing his idol proudly. Which hopefully pushes the Brains to take out the win. Particularly after Zara suggested he can use it tonight, like the damn icon she is. Speaking of which, the tribes would race to drag a heavy coconut snake through obstacles before using them to lower a gate to access a puzzle which they would have to solve. Obviously. Despite being the weaker of the tribes – apparently – Brains got out to an early lead with Max redeeming himself for the reward challenge. Brawn started to close the gap, until they started to completely fall apart allowing the Brains to pull further ahead. As Laura and Indy got to work on the puzzle, Nash ate it trying to get to the Brawns one. And then proceeded to just watch and then actively hinder as Noonan tried to close the gap. Which obviously meant Indy and Laura snatched victory for the Brains.

Back at camp the Brawns quickly turned their attention to taking out Nash, who tragically knew he would have to play his idol. He, meanwhile, decided they should get rid of Candy, who we barely know and well, that breaks my heart as she gives country Courtney Yates vibes. He quickly rallied some troops, however thankfully, his pushiness pissed off Kristin. He meanwhile continued his assault locking in numbers one by one, until coming up to Noonan who admitted she is nervous given he is 100% safe. Clearly signalling she wants to vote for him. Jesse thankfully was equally as pissed, thinking they should continue to focus on him as he is potentially arrogant enough not to play it. He and Noonan rallied a counterattack, with everyone ready to split votes on Nash and Ursula to control the vote no matter what. Oh then we learnt that even his allies PD and Zen were considering joining them to flush Nash’s idol

Sweet Noonan was obviously thrilled with the turn of events, sadly unaware that Zen was letting him know that the only way to save himself was to play his idol and vote for Ursula. This enraged one week wonder Nash, who stomped off to let her know she is the new target rather than Candy. Speaking of Candy, Paulie and Noonan – my new fave duo since Shonella – were busy letting her know that she is Nash’s target and as such, needs to not panic to avoid people turning from Ursula. Or, you know, Nash not playing his idol. Nash meanwhile was busy talking to Morgan and Kate, assuring them he will protect them if they join him and get rid of Candy instead of Ursula. But given his argument was to target Kate next, you’d hope she would stick with Paulie, Noonan, Ben and Jesse rather than the attention-seeking, chaos agent.

At tribal council JLP quickly addressed Nash and his idol, who doubled down on needing to make big moves from the very start. He gloated about finding the idol five minutes in, with Noonan pointing out that they all learnt about it six minutes in, which was a dumb move. And all he cared about was forcing everyone to play the game from the very first moments and play hard. Candy meanwhile got sassy, pointing out it is a bold move while Paulie straight up said that Nash has no hope of making it anywhere near the end after how he started the game. Zen meanwhile defended his ally, though pointed out it wasn’t the smartest move for Nash to try and align with him within five minutes of arriving. Nash continued to play cute, pretending he was considering not playing it before Candy announced that she knew she was Nash’s target, with Ursula pointing out that she is a target too, and for no other reason than being perceived as an ally of Nash. 

Ursula pointed out Candy was a target because she was weaker in challenge, with Candy in turn pointing out that not all challenges are strength based and she could be an asset where Ursula can’t. Leading to Ursula doubling down on being an asset every day of the week, so a couple of people considering voting Nash could easily just switch to Candy and guarantee her strength stays not matter what. With Kate and Morgan whispering about it being a good idea. As Zaddy Paulie looked on nervously. With that the tribe voted, Nash did end up playing his idol and poor Candy tragically found herself becoming the first boot of the season.

By the time Candy arrived at Loser Lodge, I was simmering with rage. I quickly pulled her in for a hug and gave a shrug, because honestly, there wasn’t much she could do to navigate the chaos that Nash stupidly caused in the first days. Given the circumstances, there really wasn’t much I could actually say to her other than my go-to line that being a first boot is fundamentally more memorable than every other place in the pre-merge, so at least she will be remembered. Plus, she was doomed by Nash’s terrible move which screams robbed goddess, which makes her primed for a return. So between that and the Ricotta and Candried Tomato Roulade I whipped up, she was feeling better in no time.

I love nothing more than a little roulade. They are one of those meals that look fancy and like you’ve put in a lot of effort, but are actually shockingly simple to whip. Simple and delicious, the ultimate combo.

Enjoy!

Ricotta and Candried Tomato Roulade
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
600g chicken breasts
8 slices prosciutto
200g firm ricotta
½ cup parmesan, grated
100g sundried tomatoes, sliced
1 tbsp sage leaves, thinly sliced
1 egg
salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Preheat the oven to 180C fan-forced.

Slice each chicken breast in half lengthways, and flatten with a frying pan to form half-centimetre slices.

Place a piece of cling on the bench and layer the strips of prosciutto, overlapping slightly, to form a rectangle. Top with the chicken to cover, pressing to make sure there are no gaps (or as few as possible).

Combine the cheeses, zest, tomatoes, sage and egg in a bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper, and form into a sausage-shape along the middle of the chicken. Using the cling, slowly roll the chicken to enclose the cheesy filling, with the prosciutto sealing it into a giant sausage. Place on a lined baking sheet, seam side down and bake in the oven for 30 minutes, or until the chicken is cooked through and the prosciutto is crispy.

Remove from the oven and allow to rest for five minutes before slicing and serving with your favourite side. And devouring, like our tragic first boot.


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Nerds vs himbos and it’s completely different but also still brat

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor: Brains V Brawn II, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

So, remember all those times I’ve said I was going to hang up my culinary-comfort-come-recap hat? Well, you should probably also remember all the times I have been wooed back into said game via the glistening, sexy majesty of Jonathan’s biceps.

Like John Farnham, just consider me on a permanent farewell tour, okay? Until someone iconic enough *coughs* Shonee *coughs* takes out victory (in a good season, sorry Alyssa Edwards) and lets us finish on a high.

Anyway, I’m rambling. But that, my friends, is the brand. That and thirsty, which is why JLP keeps me coming back. Again and again.

And again.

Which coincidentally is the approach he took with this year’s pitch.

“Ben, I know you’re tired and want to give up providing emotional support to reality cast-offs. But what if I told you we cast an extremely attractive gay man with a penchant for speedos. Remember what happened to Locky and his speedos that time?”

And just like that, I was back in the game. Thanks Paulie!

Will this Brains V Brawn rematch lead to another smartypants taking the crown in the form of PTA vice-queen Zara? Or will zaddy Paulie do it for more than just my loins and secure the bag for the strong-uns like the soon-to-return two-time winner Tony Vlachos?

You’ll just have to watch to find out. And then join us each Sunday as we turn back time and eat our feelings, just like Cher’s Uber Eats ads.

Oh and Paulie and Zara are brat, confirmed.

📷: Channel 10.


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