Dancer

What Time Is It?

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Shock horror – it’s date time … as it always is here!

I haven’t spoken about it much publicly but Zefron and I had a horrific break-up a couple of years ago. While we only dated for a short time, after being friends for close to a decade, it was such a mess that our friendship ended too.

Given that I think it is time to end the feud and get the boys back, I reached out to my other boy Corbin Bleu to see if he could help Zac and I get our friendship back on track. Given that he is a firm believer that we’re all in this together, he booked the next flight to Brisbane to help me find a way to sort through the rubble of our best friendship with Zac.

What says, help me fix this mess … and spill the deets on who wins Battle of the Network Stars?

Image source: Unknown.

 

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Adamper Garcia

Baking, Bread, Side, Snack

While Adam was a little bit offended that I called him a diva earlier in (which kind of proves my point, no?), there is nothing more unifying than joint anger. And thankfully we were both enraged and disheartened to find out that neither of us had won – let alone been nominated for – Australian of the Year.

I mean, sure neither of us are scientists that have made massive contributions to society, but Coyote Ugly is a modern classic and this blog is giving the under-connected a glimpse at life on the A-list. I don’t think the Australian of the Year committee are fully appreciating our value.

Anyway, we are both insanely offended, which meant the committee distracted Ads from my shade and we were able to celebrate ourselves – because evidently no one else was – and our country – who evidently hates us – like it were the good old days.

Not that I’m bitter though, or anything.

Ads and I haven’t seen each other in about a year, after he had to pull out of the stage production of Singin’ in the Rain due to a leg injury. I took over the role – at his request FYI, this isn’t a Showgirls situation – and our friendship had to play out over Skype only, while talking smack about our annoying co-stars.

After quickly reconnecting – sadly not physically, now that he is married – I got to work whipping up something delicious for our catch up. Given my love of his pillowy buns and the need to make something horrifically Australian, I just couldn’t go past a simple, classic Adamper Garcia.

 

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Make no mistake, damper may be simply but it is insane delicious … though maybe that has a lot to do with the fact that they are essentially a giant scone. Doughy and salty, it is the perfect thing to sop up some butter and honey or golden syrup.

So yes Latrice, damper is essentially a biscuit – enjoy!

 

adamper-garcia-2

 

Adamper Garcia
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
3 cups flour
2 tbsp baking powder
pinch of salt
100g butter, chilled, cubed
¾ cup water

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Combine the flour, baking powder and salt in a bowl together. Add the cubed butter and rub together with your fingertips until it resembles wet sand / breadcrumbs – Adam and I made it look like a culinary version of Ghost and it was amazing.

Pour in the water and use a knife to cut across the mixture until it is all combined, adding extra if it appears dry.

Bring the dough together with your hands and shape into a large cob-esque loaf. Place on a lined baking sheet, cut a deep cross into the dough and bake in the oven for half an hour, or until golden and cooked through.

Transfer to a wire rack and allow to cool slightly, before slathering in butter and your chosen condiments and devouring.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Coyote not-so-ugly

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

In light of the Commander in Queef’s inauguration over the weekend, I decided that I should be moderately thankful that I live in Australia and decided to invite over Adam Garcia to help my celebrate Australia Day in style. (Despite the fact Australia Day is offensive and divisive).

I first met Ads in the late ‘90s via my dear friend Steph Fry on the set of Wilde. Even early in his acting career, Ads could be a bit of a diva and demanded a stand-in / body-double for when we couldn’t be bothered to be on set.

Given I had a passing resemblance, loved to be naked and i’m narcissistic enough to want to bang someone that (at a stretch I can pretend) looks the same as me, I took the job and eventually he took me, and vice versa.

Anyway, our relationship fizzled out when his career did and we lost contact until he started judging Australian Dancing with the Stars and we reconnected.

What do I make that is patriotic enough for the pride of Australia?

Image source: Unknown but how could I go past it?

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Zendgria

Drink

As you know – well should, I’m sure I’ve mentioned it … I got Susan Lucci inducted too – I am a Disney Legend and as part of that honour, I am required to mentor young Disney stars.

I don’t if that is a blanket rule for the legends but Walt asked me on his deathbed, so I kind of feel obliged.

After releasing dear Miley Cyrus into the wild, I was lost trying to find a replacement until Zendaya came along. As soon as I laid eyes on Z, I knew she would become my new mentee as she is the only person that possessed even half of my talent.

That isn’t a dig, it’s just that I’m amazing.

Anyway my tutelage has led to Z’s career blossoming from Disney starlet, to DWTS runner-up and more importantly a starring role in the upcoming Spider-Man movie.

While I would normally relish the opportunity to destroy someone reaching my dream – Spider-Man can shoot his web on me any day – Z is just such a sweet girl, that it makes me happy to see her succeed.

Plus, she owes 99% of it to me.

Like there is a rule to not wear white after Labour Day, I have a rule to not be sober after Halloween. Now before you get all grumpy, yes Zendaya is under 21 but she was visiting Australia so she can participate in my post-Halloween drinkstravaganza.

Particularly when it doubled as a meeting to finalise the signature cocktail for her 21st next year which we decided will be a Zendgria.

 

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We wanted something that adequately highlighted the fruity influence I’ve had on her life but also had a depth and a richness, like her many talents.

Our decision really was a no brainer – enjoy!

 

zendgria-2

 

Zendgria
Serves: 6. Lol – nope, 1.

Ingredients
2 apples
2 oranges
1 lemon
750ml red wine aka a bottle
½ cup brandy
¼ cup cointreau
1 tbsp raw caster sugar
1 tsp cinnamon
2 cups soda water, chilled

Method
Core and dice the apples, and add them to a large pitcher.

Slice the oranges and lemon, and add them to the pitcher.

Pour the wine, brandy and cointreau into the pitcher, sprinkle in the caster sugar and cinnamon. Stir, cover and refrigerate for a couple of hours, preferably overnight.

When you’re ready to serve, add soda water, give and quick stir and down. Greedily.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Michael Flatley Bread

Baking, Bread, Side, Snack

While I know this may shock a lot of you but Michael Flatley is the best Irish dancer in the world (Sharon Strzelecki is a character and therefore ineligible).

Well was.

As you know, Flats broke all of his bones or something – surprisingly I wasn’t involved in anything to cause it – and had to hang up the dancing shoes.

I want to call them clogs, I know they aren’t clogs, but I so desperately want them to be clogs. Could you imagine an Irish dance with people wearing clogs – majestic! Like Bootmen, but less boges.

With Flats off his feet, I decided to reach out and surprisingly he took my call despite the years of smearing his name and character in the tabloids.

(And Heather Mills thought she had bad press).

Anyway, Flats said he only took my call as retirement was making him feel nostalgic for the good old days – when hair was big, we were friends and the dance fiery.

It took a while to warm Flats up to me again but it is always hard to ignore my epic, extended apologies … particularly when they involve dance and end with it raining Michael Flatley Bread.

 

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Like our relationship once was, these breads are warm, soft, spicy and comforting. It is bread, need I say anything more? Delicious!

Enjoy!

 

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Michael Flatley Bread
Makes: 8.

Ingredients
3 cups plain flour
2 ⅓ tbsp baking powder
3 cups natural yoghurt
1 tbsp chilli flakes
zest of 1 lime

Method
Mix all the ingredients together in a bowl with a good pinch of salt.

When it comes together, remove to a floured surface and knead for a couple of minutes. Divide the dough into eight pieces and roll into 2mm thick circles.

Place a skillet over medium heat, brush with olive oil and cook each for 2-3 minutes, turning once or until they are golden and crisp. Devour … alone with something. But what ..?

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Lord of the dance

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Picture it, Eurovision, Ireland, 1994.

After years spent lording the dance world with Toni Basil, Nigel & BonBon *spoiler alert* Lythgoe, Candis Cayne,  and Ms. Abdul, I got wind that the ‘94 Eurovision was looking to host a dance break during the show.

Assuming – as a past Eurovision contestant/songwriter – that I would get the job, I travelled over and was shocked to find Michael Flatley on the floor in my place.

Obviously I flew into a jealous rage, obviously I tried to call in a bomb threat (the police knew I was a serial pest and ignored the obviously fake calls) to stop the performance and obviously I feuded with Flatley for over two decades.

But then I heard that he was having bone issues last year and reached out to make amends, now that he wasn’t a threat to my dance dynasty.

What says sorry for the years of bitterness I’ve thrown your way?

Picture source: AP Photo / Henny Ray Abrams, File.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Shirliders MacLaine

Main, Oscar Gold, Oscar Gold MMXVI: Gold Interrupted, Party Food, Snack

To finish off my pre-Oscar celebrations – aka Oscar Gold week – I’ve got to go with one of my oldest, figuratively and literally, and zaniest fellow Academy Award winning friends – Shirls.

And hurly burly what a girly my dear Shirley MacLaine is!

I’ve long been a family friend of the MacLaine-Beatty’s after meeting Shirl in NY in the 50s where I was turning tricks and being a stand-over man around the time Babs made it big. Shirl needed a favour bumping off the actress she was understudying, so I assisted in taking her out by breaking her ankle which went on to inspire both Tonya Harding’s attack on Nancy Kerrigan and the movie Showgirls.

That also contributed to my time in the clink in the 60s.

As I had learnt not to rat out my friends long ago, I kept her involvement quiet and was thrilled to watch her success from the sidelines before reconnecting in the 70s and subsequently became her go-to Oscars date due to my dashing looks and raging homosexuality.

As both Shirls and I are 30-40% psychic, it was less of a discussion about the winners (I spent a lot of time asking about her casting in the live action Little Mermaid film) and more about reading the lettuce leaves left on our plate from my Shirliders MacLaine.

 

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Burgers are arguably my favourite food … but sliders are better. I mean, why have one large burger when you can have 47 mini burgers? As they are tiny, it means you’re not gluttonous!

Enjoy … particularly while you watch Spotlight, Inside Out, George, Leo, Brie, Alicia and my lover, man I’ve body-doubled for and dialect coach Syl take home their Oscars.

Oh – did I mention I am hosting seven separate red-carpet specials (take THAT Rancid), attending as Mark Ruffalo’s seat-double (I need to talk more about my extensive career as a double) and Cate’s date while also live blogging and tweeting (so fucking hip, is this 2008?) the entire thing on Sunday/Monday, timezone dependant?

You should bookmark the page or something and join me while I spill the inside goss and roast the jokers I call my filthy frenemies.

 

shirliders-maclaine-2

 

Shirliders MacLaine
Serves: 1 after the red carpet season ends, without judgement.

Ingredients
500g beef mince
salt
pepper
1 onion, finely diced
6-8 streaky bacon rashers, sliced to fit the rolls
150g sharp cheese or your choosing, sliced
iceberg lettuce (down with haters), finely diced
tomatoes, sliced
american mustard
ketchup
mayo
slider rolls (I went with the Briocher Bünsberg and just made them smaller, but not small enough)
olive oil

Method
Squeeze as much liquid (read: blood) from the mince as possible, aiming to avoid squirting it in your eye as that is foul and painful, and place it in a medium bowl with a good whack of salt and pepper.

With you hands, scrunch the mixture until it starts to come together. Break into 8-12 patties, depending on how big you like your sliders/made your buns. Place on a lined plate, cover and refrigerate for an hour or so.

Heat a lug of olive oil in a small saucepan over low heat and sweat the onions until soft, sweet and caramelised.

When ready to devour, over high heat, heat a large frying pan, griddle or barbecue, whichever you prefer. When hot, reduce to low, halve the buns and fry the open sides until toasty and golden.

Wipe out any crumbs and fry bacon until crisp and remove to some papertowel. Place patties on the hot pan/griddle/barbecue, flatten with a spatula and drizzle each with about ½ tsp of mustard. After a minute or so, flip the patties, watching for spitting mustard (which hurts like hell), and place a slice of cheese on top to melt. Cook for a further minute or so, depending on your tastes, and remove from the heat.

To assemble the sliders, butter the bottom of the buns with a generous smear of mayo, top with bacon, some caramelised onions, a slice of tomato, some iceberg lettuce and the molten hot cheesy, mustard patties, a squirt of ketchup if you want, and who doesn’t, before topping with the rest of the bun.

Serve with sweet potato fries on a large platter and gorge, with or without friends.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.

Hot Coco Austin

Drink

Let it be said and then repeated over and over again, Coco Austin is a saint.

I mean, not only did she look out for us on the cut throat dance circuit (trust me, it was way worse than Compton) but she has gifted us with the idea that, mark my words, will lead to a Tony.

Coco knew that our beautiful story from rival dancers with rival stage Momagers (Annelie was the greatest Momager I could have hoped for), through the aforementioned years when she protected us from Mary Murphy (she was Naomi Campbell to our Tyra Banks) to when Annelie introduced her to Ice and we all egged Meg Ryan’s home, was destined for the stage and knowing how talented we are as a trio, she knew that we were the only ones who could do it justice.

We have some money set aside from when Annelie and I scammed our dear friend Joan Rivers into listing us as the charity during her winning stint on Celebrity Family Feud (Ice and Coco threw the game for us), so feel the time is right to invest in our future plaudits.

We convinced her to leave that part out of the musical over a nice warm mug of Hot Coco Austin. Sadly though I have to relive the humiliation of being rejected as a Playboy model. I guess my torrid affair with Heff will make a good story though.

 

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The key to amazing hot chocolate is cinnamon. Well actually, peanut butter is also amazing (you could remove cinnamon from the recipe and replace 1tsp peanut butter), but there is something so warmly, delightful and festive about cinnamon and chocolate.

Just don’t have it in 30° heat, or do. Get wild. Enjoy!

 

Hot Coco Austin_2

 

Hot Coco Austin
Makes: 1.

Ingredients
250(ish)ml milk
50(ish)g dark chocolate
1(ish)tsp raw sugar
generous(ish) pinch cinnamon
cream, for whippin’
extra chocolate, for gratin’

Method
Heat the milk, stirring constantly(ish), in a small saucepan over low heat.

When warm and starting to foam/bubble around the edge, remove from heat and stir in the chocolate and cinnamon until combined. Return to heat and cook for a couple(ish) minutes.

Remove from heat. Whip cream. Pour hot chocolate into a mug. Top with whipped cream and grated chocolate. Or extra cinnamon.

Also ish, obviously.

Dancing through life

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Since we have caught up with her husband Ice and neighbour Megsy Ryan in recent months, it was only appropriate that we give our old dance pal Coco Austin a buzz and see if she wanted to reminisce about the old days.

As you know, we have known Coco since our time as choreographers, when we found elite dance troupe, Jazz in your Face but we didn’t mention that Annelie is actually the one that introduced Ice and Coco.

Cokes was thrilled to get our call and is very interested in taking the story of our dance lives to Broadway. Needless to say, we all smell Tonys in our near future.

What says lets get our creative juices flowing and get the T of our respective EGOTs?

Picture source: Unknown.

Toni Basil Pesto

Condiment

After such a long absence, we are so thankful that Toni step up and dougie’d her way back into our life. She had barely locked her car before we were out the front of Annelie’s house greeting her with some bends, snaps and other loving movements.

Our friendship remains as close as it was way back when and it felt like no time had passed at all. We filled her in on our feud with Nigel Lythgoe and were both shocked (at the betrayal) and thrilled (for her opportunity) that she was considering accepting an offer to judge on So You Think You Can Dance. Obviously after the whipping it (in the sack) with Devo drama, we will try to end the Lythgoe feud to help her secure the role.

That being said, as delightful, kind, forgiving and warm dear Toni is, she is also a total nut. When she called to organise our catch-up she firmly requested we make our famous Toni Basil Pesto. Just the pesto, nothing else. Just pesto and a spoon.

 

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Basil is the kind of herb that hits you like a mid break-dance fly-kick to the gut (in a good way), and when you add the sharpness of the parmesan with a dash of lemon juice, you have pesto perfection.

Unlike Toni, I would suggest serving with crackers or some freshly cooked pasta and an extra squeeze of lemon. I like lemon, especially Liz.

Enjoy!

 

Toni Basil Pesto_2

 

Toni Basil Pesto
Makes: Probably about ¾ cup, maybe (noting that I am terrible with estimations)

Ingredients
1 bunch basil, leaves picked
½ cup finely grated parmesan
⅓ cup toasted pine nuts
1 garlic clove, finely chopped
½ cup extra virgin olive oil
lemon, salt and pepper, to taste

Method
Place the basil, parmesan, pine nuts and garlic in the bowl of a food processor and process until finely chopped. With the motor running, gradually add the oil in a thin, steady stream until well combined. Taste and season with salt, pepper and a squeeze of lemon juice.

Place in an airtight container and cover with a little oil – this will help stop the basil from turning black. Store in the fridge for up to one week.