Model

Margherita Ora Pizza

Main, Pizza, Snack

I don’t know if Rita was hardened by some whips, chains and lite BDSM action on the set of the Fifty Shades franchise, or if she was just trying to put on a brave face for me – but damn that girl was, and always is, a bloody ray of absolute sunshine.

Full disclosure: I believe Tyra fired Rita because she was jealous of our friendship and wanted me back – how do you think her feud with Naomi Campbell started?

Rita and I have been as thick as thieves since we met a decade ago – I was a Cheers-esque regular at her dad’s pub, where she also performed. Having the eye for talent that I do, I immediately knew that I had to help her become the star that we know and love today.

While Rita laughed off the suggestion and said that she was ok with how everything washed out, I could tell (as only a dear, dear friend could) that there was sadness behind her eyes as she wondered if her greatest friendship, led to her ANTM demise. In any event, I apologised profusely for getting her involved with TyTy and we moved on to all the positives in her life.

I’m obvi referring to seeing Jamie Dornan naked on set and working with my boy Nick Carter on Boy Band, which I created as an apology.

Given talking about Jamie makes me moister than an oyster – between he and Locky on Australian Survivor, I am parched from liquid depletion – I decided to whip us up something hearty slash carby, which could also comfort her pain. That obviously meant I whipped up her fave, my Margherita Ora Pizza.

 

 

I truly hated margherita pizza as a child because it was so boring and then as an early-20-something because I felt like it was false advertising – where’s the tequila, bitch? – but as a wise man of 30, I finally appreciate this little beauty. Rich tomato sauce, delicate mozzarella and fresh basil? Yes pwease!

Enjoy!

 

 

Margherita Ora Pizza
Serves: 4.

Ingredients
2 bases as per Pizsa Zsa Gabor
passata and italian herbs, for the aforementioned bases
4 cloves of garlic, crushed
1 punnet cherry tomatoes, quartered
200g buffalo mozzarella
small handful of basil leaves

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C and prepare bases as per Zsa Zsa’s instructions.

Slather bases with the passata and misc Italian herbs. Sprinkle over the garlic. Scatter the tomatoes on top. And – fuck, I can’t think of an s word for tear … – tear the buffalo mozzarella on top.

Bake for fifteen minutes, or until the cheese is bubbling and golden. Remove from the oven, top with some torn basil leaves … and devour.

 

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How We Do

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Yes guys, Rita Ora is dropping by later this week and is bringing the party.

Well at least I hope so.

I reached out to my gal-pal in March after hearing she was fired from ANTM by my frenemy Tyra, but she was too sad to fly over and catch-up.

What do I make that says chin-up, at least you’ve got Fifty Shades Freed coming up?

Actually, that will probably make her feel worse …

Image source: Darren Gerrish/WireImage for Tommy Hilfiger.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Chicken Corbin Bleu

Main, Poultry

I know, I know, I’m late! I’m so sorry … but Corbin had his work cut out for him and I couldn’t just kick him out as soon as he finalised a gameplan for me reconnecting with Zac now, could I?

Lol, I totally could have but that would be really poor form! Even for me.

While reaching out to Corbin for help means that he no longer owes me – I’m the one that convinced Ken Ortega to cast him in HSM – I truly believe it will be worth it. Corbs was patient, kind and smart as a whip, proving why we’ve been such close friends for more than a decade.

Then he refused to tell me who wins Battle of the Network Stars because – and I quote – “I don’t think you should start gambling again since you lost your last two homes.”

Yuck.

I mean, sure, he is right and it is very sweet … BUT GIVE ME THE INFORMATION I NEED TO EVEN UP WITH MY BOOKIE, DAMMIT.

Anyway … despite that late breaking drama, it was so nice to see Corb again, talk about our concern for Misch and devour some glorious Chicken Corbin Bleu.

 

 

Cordon Bleu is one of those dishes that need no spruiking – salty smoked ham, gooey bubbling cheese and the crisp crumb work together to create perfection. I mean, bacon and cheese? You can’t go wrong.

Enjoy!

 

 

Chicken Corbin Bleu
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
2 chicken breasts
4 slices swiss cheese
8 slices smoked ham
1 egg, whisked
½ cup flour
1 cup panko breadcrumbs
salt and pepper
olive oil
fries

Method
Preheat oven to 180°C.

Slice a pocket into each chicken breast where the tenderloin joins the breast. Stuff a couple of slices of cheese and ham into the pocket, close the fold and secure with some toothpicks.

Place the egg, flour and seasoned breadcrumbs in three bowls. Dip the breasts in the flour, followed by the egg and then the breadcrumbs. Transfer to a baking tray, drizzle with olive oil and bake in the oven for half an hour, or until golden and browned.

Serve with fries and devour, immediately.

 

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What Time Is It?

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

Shock horror – it’s date time … as it always is here!

I haven’t spoken about it much publicly but Zefron and I had a horrific break-up a couple of years ago. While we only dated for a short time, after being friends for close to a decade, it was such a mess that our friendship ended too.

Given that I think it is time to end the feud and get the boys back, I reached out to my other boy Corbin Bleu to see if he could help Zac and I get our friendship back on track. Given that he is a firm believer that we’re all in this together, he booked the next flight to Brisbane to help me find a way to sort through the rubble of our best friendship with Zac.

What says, help me fix this mess … and spill the deets on who wins Battle of the Network Stars?

Image source: Unknown.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.

Rohan Maclaren Cheese

Australian Survivor, Australian Survivor (2016), Main, Pasta

Previously on Survivor, Rohan’s junk threw out the clue I assume to make way for my …well, before JoJo declared a merge which was actually an absorbed tribe situation, where Nick was a dick to Jennah Louise, setting up his eventual downfall and Kat, I assume learning from her favourite Resort Report CEO turned on Aganoa filling Craig with some arrogance.

Hopefully this isn’t the pride before his fall.

We made our way over to new Saanapu where Jennah Louise was rightfully feeling pretty screwed, fuelling what I hope will be her comeback storyline.

Returning to Vavau, Kate tried to take over the mantle from Joe, Wigles and Vytas by furthering her game via yoga. Kate, show me your idol in some printed jocks and you get my vote.

After some absorption disguised as a merge rage from Phoebe, everyone started feeling hella XTina circa ‘02 when they saw JoJo and were pumped to get dirrty. Either way, I was sweating as their clothes came off.

There was rubbing, writhing and everything to fill Probst’s mind with smut before Nick’s repeated cock-grazing of Lee lead to a victorious shower. Seriously, I didn’t embellish any of that eroticism. This show is getting, gooooood yo.

We followed Saanapu to reward where a soft core porno was playing out before Jennah commenced her work to join forces with Kylie to try and overthrow Saanapu and screw Nick – who after trying to take my man Lee, is dead to me – again.

Back at Vavau, they had to accept the fact that their erotic exploits would have to stick to the ocean. But erotic is erotic and they seemed happy rubbing each other down, particularly Rohan who enjoyed spilling more ex-Aganoan secrets while talking smack about Kat while she was in earshot.

I assume it is a spokesmodel feud.

While Rohan was losing friends, Craig went wandering to find the Vavau idol … with the entirety of his tribe. So yeah, not exactly stealth. But it didn’t seem to screw Spencer in Cagayan, so maybe it will work.

After an aggressive storm tore through both camps, Lee soaked his shorts (rather than ours for a change) and Sue was well pissed which I hope blows over as I desperately want her to win. We then arrived at immunity which was my favourite challenge which once resulted in Probst saying my favourite quote of all time, “Malcolm’s pants are now completely off.”

After a hard fought battle – and a beautiful love story between Lee and Rohan in the second and fifth rounds – Saanapu won immunity. But let’s be honest, Kate was the true winner showing her challenge beast side and so were the audience with the copious amounts of man butt in the final round.

Heading back to camp, former front runner Phoebe was feeling pretty dejected thinking she was on the way out while Sue was the dominant force of nature I knew she was and forced the idol information out of Rohan and continued to allow him to dig his hole even further.

Knowing that Rohan had the idol, Vavau made moves to split the vote and flush the idol, then debated turning on Kat while Kat reaffirmed the Rohan split, Phoebe moved to get the idol played on her and the vote turned on Sue leading to my complete and utter confusion as they made their way into tribal council.

After a bold tribal council with Phoebe fighting hard and working on deals during discussions and Andrew dancing around in circles, working on his arrogance and butchering the phrase shooting fish – not ducks – in a barrel, Phoebe played her/Rohan’s idol and saw Rohan voted out by Kat and Kristie.

While I felt for poor Rohan as he made his way into Loser Lodge, I was a little bit happy knowing that Sue has survived. Plus I knew it was close enough to the mud challenge that I could offer to shower my model friend – we met while I briefly worked in casting for a major fashion label … I think you know why I lost my job – without coming off as too lecherous.

Ro being Ro wasn’t angry when he made his way into my loving arms … but that could have something to do with the fact that he could smell my Rohan Maclaren Cheese baking in the oven?

 

rohan-maclaren-cheese-1

 

Like Rohan this dish has you salivating – cheesy, comforting and decadent, this pasta bake and its hint of truffle keep you coming … back for more and more.

Enjoy!

 

rohan-maclaren-cheese-2

 

Rohan Maclaren Cheese
Serves: Again I would say 1, functional society would say 4.

Ingredients
Salt and pepper, to taste
500g dried macaroni
1 tbsp truffle oil
60g unsalted butter
¼ cup plain flour
½ tsp sweet paprika
1 tsp Dijon mustard
3 cups milk
1 ½ cups shredded Gruyère cheese
1 ½ cups shredded vintage cheddar cheese
fresh chives, finely sliced to garnish

Method
Preheat an oven to 180°C.

First get cracking by bringing a large saucepan of water to the boil aka hotter than the hot tub with a swimwear model. Salt the water, add the macaroni and cook, stirring often, for just under the packet recommendations. Drain, return to the pot off the heat and stir through the truffle oil.

In another saucepan, melt the butter over medium heat until it starts to foam. Whisk in the flour, paprika and mustard, and cook stirring constantly for a couple of minutes. Remove from the heat and slowly whisk in the milk, season and return to the heat and cook, again stirring constantly for about five minutes.

Remove from the heat again, and stir through a cup of each cheese until smooth, melty and glorious.

Pour the sauce over the macaroni, give a thorough stir and transfer to a medium/large baking dish. Top with the remaining cheese and bake for 30 minutes, or until it is golden and bubbling.

Remove from the oven and allow to stand for 5 minutes, if you can. Garnish with chives and devour.

Yes – no serving, devour. This is single serve if you’ve just been booted.

 

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Debbie Wannerkopita

Main, Survivor: Kaôh Rōng

Well this week, we suffered a major blow. Yep, everyone’s favourite major league baseball pitcher, model, waitress was blindsided and we are now forced to suffer through a few episodes of her silence before her finale rebirth where, hopefully, she adds the role of Sue Hawk impersonator to her list of jobs.

Like Debs, this episode was absolutely bananas. Completely. Like, Gwen Stefani in the 00s B-A-N-A-N-A-S, bananas.

We started out with the reminder that the men’s sexist paranoia of a female alliance, led to the women forming a female alliance before dear sweet Tai was led to the darkside by Scot and what’s-his-face, Sargsonyle, and joined them in stealing food, hiding supplies and dousing the fire in water.

Tai, to quote my parents when they wanted me to listen to their scolding, I am so disappointed in you.

FYI future contestants, the only time hiding supplies or burning people’s items was a good thing was Sandra unwittingly getting two-seasons worth of revenge on Hantz 1. Unless you are Queen Sandra, don’t even.

While the under-70 men skulked about camp being sore losers and proved why people always root for a women’s alliance, Mark the chicken emerged as a favourite for the title of Sole Survivor. Mainly because all the murder weaponry was removed from camp.

After a beautiful immunity challenge that Probst created based on our favourite sex game, where whoever hit their dong first won immunity – #50Shades / #Pegging for the win, you know – dear, sweet, busy Debbie made her way to Ponderosa.

I first connected with Debbie in the modelling biz in the 80s before following her to work at the Olive Garden, J Crew, doing mousekeeping at both Disney’s Land and World, teaching Demi to strip at The Body Shop, prosecuting the O.J. case, ghost-writing Faye D. Resnick’s book, bringing down the Berlin Wall, working as NYC fire-fighters during 9/11, competing in the steroid-using Olympic 400m relay team with Crystal Cox, creating the hit series’ Friends, Melrose Place, Baywatch Nights and Breaking Bad … amongst other jobs.

Given our extensive history together (and resumes), I knew that there was only one thing I could make after she became victim to a vicious – albeit required after the tribal council theatrics – blindside, while continuing in the Kaoh Rong tradition of having your mouth get you unexpectedly booted; my famed Debbie Wannerkopita.

 

debbie-wannerkopita-1

 

Debs first fell in love with my Wannerkopita aka spanakopita aka spinach and cheese pie while we were working on yachts in the Greek Islands. We spent a lot of time providing business analysis for Yiannis Latsis who generously gave me his old family recipe (which we gave to Paris Hilton when we were her au pairs and were helping her woo his grandson). The zing of the lemon perfectly cuts through the cheese and onion and leaves you with a fresh hearty pie worthy of a diligent worker like D.

While she lost the game, the silver lining of the kop’ coupled with the fact she will be in Ponderosa with Nick – who I assume will lay down for her like a puzzle – make it all better.

Enjoy … as you know she will!

 

debbie-wannerkopita-2

 

Debbie Wannerkopita
Serves: 6-8.

Ingredients
375g filo pastry
400g feta cheese
1 bunch spinach, washed and shredded
1 bunch shallots, finely sliced
2 medium onions, diced
4 eggs
½ cup olive oil
1 tsp salt
¼ tsp black pepper
2 tbsp chopped dill
½ tsp grated nutmeg
½ lemon, zested
melted butter

Method
Preheat the oven to 170°C.

Combine feta, spinach, shallots and onions in a large bowl. Beat the eggs, salt, pepper, nutmeg, dill and zest in a small bowl and then pour over the spinach mixture. Mix well until combined.

Layer half the filo pastry in a medium baking dish, buttering every second sheet with melted butter, top with the mixture and fold in any overhanging ends. Repeat the layering process with the remaining filo, tucking in the top sheets to neaten off. Or do as I do and drape them artistically because not only do I write, cook and enjoy stints as a z-list instagram celebrity, wait tables, provide medical advice, run an ice cream empire and work as a motivational speaker, I’m also artistic. And creative. And became a fluffer after my stint as a stripper.

Anyway, brush the top with melted butter (I drizzle with grated parmesan sometimes to indulge my cheese fetish) and bake for around 45 minutes, or until golden brown.

 

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Duck à la Solange

Main

Where do I even begin to explain the deep, complex, passionate platonic-love story between us and our dear friend SoKnow?

We first met So during the late 90s, when the world was quickly falling crazy in love with Beyoncé and the rest of the destiny’s children. SoKnow, filled with so much creative talent and energy, needed a way to burn through her untapped potential and joined the Upper Whitney Houston chapter of our Extreme Fight Club.

SoKnow excelled from a young age (picture a kind, likeable version of Ronda Rousey) and rose through to ranks where we met her at our EFC Centre in East Hollywood – did I mention we turned it into a religion/cult like Scientology?

Our bond with Solange was instantaneous and continued over the decades, with So becoming one of our most trusted friends, advisors and confidantes. She was the only person we trusted to keep Jay-Z in line after breaking the first rule of fight club, to not talk about fight club.

Obviously as founders, we are exempt from such rules. Jay-Z is not above the rules.

It was so great catching up with SoKnow after such a busy year – we hadn’t realised that our hard work had led us to our 100th recipe milestone, but you better believe she did.

Knowing our penchant for wanky gifts, she looked through Chloe Sevigny’s list of must haves (I mean, who doesn’t want to never speak to Jeanne Tripplehorn again) and arrived with a vintage half-kaftan by Vivienne Westwood Gold Label, an ironic art smock by Balenciaga le dix, imitation pants by Cacharel and stand-up comedy classes.

The only way we could repay her support, kindness and generosity was a meal of our famous Duck à la Solange.

 

Duck à la Solange_1

 

The 80s have had a strong impact on our lives, none more so than the delicacies of a kitsch kitchen. While I have always had a soft spot for the idea of Duck à l’orange, I hate orange in cooking. Enter, the sublimeness of SoKnow – crispy skin duck with Grand Marnier and sour cherry glaze to dial back the overpowering orange flavour, leaving you with a gloriously rich, tangy citrus to cut through the duck.

Enjoy!

Oh, and thank you for reading – you’re the best and you’re beautiful, but not as good or as beautiful as us. Obviously.

 

Duck à la Solange_2

 

Duck à la Solange
Serves: 2.

Ingredients
2 duck breasts
1 tsp salt
1 sprig rosemary, finely chopped
2 tbsp unsalted butter
1 cup pitted cherries
freshly ground black pepper, to taste
30ml Grand Marnier
½ cup chicken stock
1 tsp cornflour

Method
Score the skin of each duck breast with diagonal lines, cutting into the fat but not into the flesh and rub with the salt and chopped rosemary.

On a medium hot pan, seal the skin side of the duck breasts for about 10 minutes, skimming the fat if it gets too excessive. Once the skin has crisped, turn the breast over and seal on the other side. Cook the breasts for a total of about 20 minutes, turning for a few minutes to seal the remaining sides. Remove from the pan and leave to rest in a warm place for about 15 minutes.

Add the butter to the dark fat and cook to a nut brown before adding the cherries and a good whack of pepper. Deglaze the pan with the Grand Marnier and then add the stock and cornflour, increasing the temperature until the sauce has reduced down to a syrupy glaze.

Serve the duck on crispy fried potatoes or fried broccolini, doused in the cherry-citrus glaze.

 

As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Tumblr and Google+.