Picture it, BBC Two, 12 November 1992. My dear friend Jen’s new show premiered and changed the world.
My friend? Jennifer Saunders. The show? Ab Fab. This wheel? On fire.
So grab the stoli, stock up on some bolli and buckle in as we celebrate Ab Fab’s 25th Birthday!
Image source: BBC.
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With Halloween now a distant memory, I’m balls deep in preparations for the Thanksgiving and Christmas season, which of course means I’m desperately trying to fit in as many catch-ups as possible. Thankfully, I was able to fit in some time with my dear friend, fellow Gold Coaster and ex-lover Peter Andre.
Pete and I have known each other since the late ‘80s, after I hitched my wagon to his after his appearance on New Faces. I enrolled myself at Benowa State High, became his dearest friend and set him up to become the pop star of the ‘90s that he was destined to be. We also fell into a passionate love affair.
Our relationship was so beautiful and pure – well as pure as it could be – that he wrote a love song for me.
The song? Mysterious Guy.
Our break-up when he succumbed to the record company’s pressure to change the gender of his protagonist? Swift, brutal … and as vitriolic as the vengeful rage of Taylor Swift. For years after I couldn’t go to Thailand – where the film clip was made and we planned to holiday after – or the Gold Coast, as they triggered the painful memory of my broken heart.
Cut to a few years later and Pete, desperate to return to my good graces – flew down under to see me on the Tweed and try and reconcile. While he got lost while we went hiking on Mount Warning, stumbled on the set of I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here and fell in love with Jordan, that few days we spent together before the show healed our wounds. And we’ve been the best of friends ever since.
Pete has been super busy with his young family the last year or so, so it was such a treat for him to take the time to catch-up before we got too busy with festive celebrations. We laughed, we cried and most importantly, devoured a shit tonne of Pita Andre Bread.
Light, soft and oh so good, these are the perfect thing for when you’re done with eating buns and what a carb alternative. I mean, who doesn’t love to stuff a good Peter?
Enjoy!
Pita Andre Bread
Serves: 8.
Ingredients
1 ¼ cups lukewarm water
7g dry yeast
1 ½ tsp muscovado sugar
450g flour
1 tsp salt
¼ tsp freshly cracked pepper
⅔ cup olive oil, plus extra for brushing if/as needed
Method
Combine the water, yeast and sugar in a measuring jug and place in a warm spot for about ten minutes, or until foamy.
Combine the flour, salt and pepper in the bowl of a stand mixer. Add the yeast mixture and oil and stir with the dough hook until all the flour is wet. Turn the mixer on and knead on medium for about five minutes, or until smooth.
Transfer to an oiled bowl, cover with cling and leave to prove for half an hour.
When it’s nice and puffy, heat a frying pan over medium heat. Punch back the dough and divide it into 12 balls. Roll them out into flat thin discs – a few millimetres max. Place a disc on the frying pan and cook for about 20-30 seconds, or until puffed. Flip and cook for another 20-30 seconds or so. Remove from the pan and repeat the process until done.
Then, devour.
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While my first two choices were both too busy – being a monarch and a queen, respectively – to catch-up, my old faithful Keira Knightley was free. And it was wonderful to see her again.
I first met Kiz while protesting against her playing Lizzie Bennet in Pride & Prejudice – because no one would ever be able to top the sublime Jennifer Ehle. Oh … and I stole Jamie Dornan away from her. It wasn’t a strong start to friendship, by any stretch of the imagination, but it does highlight how sweet dear Kizza can be.
But I guess I wouldn’t hold a grudge if someone bought you your first Academy Award nomination to apologise.
After working through our rocky start, we became the best of friends and I became the toast of ol’ London town. We laughed, we partied and, after she discovered that she didn’t earn her first nom, vowed to secure her a legit Oscar nom. While it took me nine years, her performance in The Imitation Game was exquisite and I was glad to see her get the recognition she deserved … and to clear my debt.
It was such a treat to see her again and catch-up on what she’s been doing since she was in town for the scandal plagued last Pirates movie. Given how thankful we were to see each other, I was inspired to whip up my Thanksgiving approved Turkeira Knightley Sausage Rolls.
Bringing a little bit of festive spirit to the Australian classic, these rolls are near culinary perfection. Flakey pastry, spiced, moist turkey and plump warm cranberries? Delicious and oh so comforting.
Enjoy!
Turkeira Knightley Sausage Rolls
Serves: 4.
Ingredients
500g turkey mince
1 onion, diced
2 garlic cloves, roughly chopped
½ cup craisins, roughly chopped
2 tbsp fresh sage, roughly chopped
⅓ cup pistachios, roughly chopped
½ tsp ground nutmeg
½ tsp ground allspice
1 tsp ground cinnamon
2 sheets of puff pastry
1 eggs, lightly whisked
Method
Preheat the oven to 160°C.
Place the turkey, onion, garlic, craisins, sage, pistachios, nutmeg, allspice and cinnamon in a large bowl and scrunch to combine.
Cut the pastry sheets in half and split the meat mixture into two, shaping into a long sausage to fit the length of the pastry. Place on the pastry, wrap tightly to combine, brushing the seam to help seal the sausage roll.
Slice each into two or three, place on a lined baking sheet and brush with remaining egg. Place in the oven and bake for twenty minutes, or until cooked through and the pastry is golden.
Devour, festively.
As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.
After an upside down week, I decided I needed something with a little more pomp and circumstance this week. And there is no one I know with more pomp or circumstance, than Keira Knightley.
Well other than Lizzie and the OG (and best) Lizzie.
Since those two were busy, I swallowed my pride, got rid of my prejudice and bent my calendar like Beckham to fit her in.
What says I’ve missed you the last couple of years and not, get your lesbian feet out of my shoes Jesminder?
Image source: Focus Features.
As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.
I feel like I say this often, but words honestly cannot do justice to how kind, sweet and divine my girl Sade is. It’s kind of weird that I appreciate kindness in others, when I value ruining the careers of any celebs that cross me. I truly should be studied.
But enough about me, Sade and I have been dear friends for decades and I am the reason the smooth operator made the switch from a fashion career to music.
Obviously it was me that suggested Sade, Stuart and the Pauls deflect from Pride and start up a rival band in the ‘80s. I was the inspiration behind the songs – including but not limited to, obvi – You’re Love is King, Smooth Operator (changed from masturbater for “mass” appeal, apparently), Sweetest Taboo and No Ordinary Love. It was also me that successfully campaigned for her to become a Commander of the Order of the British Empire earlier this year.
Given that last fact, Sade had come over to thank me for always championing her career and ensuring she gets the recognition she so greatly deserves. Can you believe it? A doll. The woman is an absolute doll.
It was such a treat to kick back and catch-up over expensive champagne, imported Iranian caviar and a big old batch of my Chicken Sades (… as a booze chaser).
A little bit spicy, a dash of sweetness and packed full of nuts, the satay works perfectly with the tender chicken leaving a party in your mouth, to which everyone is invited. That sounds wrong … or like the sweetest taboo TBH.
Enjoy!
Chicken Sades
Serves: 4.
Ingredients
500g chicken breasts, cut into strips or dice … I don’t mind. You do you, boo
peanut oil
2 cloves of garlic, crushed
4 shallots, thinly sliced
1 tsp chilli flakes
1 tbsp muscovado sugar
1 tsp soy sauce
1 tsp tamarind paste
¼ cup crunchy peanut butter
1 can coconut milk
Method
Thread the chicken onto metal skewers and allow to rest, covered in the fridge, for about half an hour.
While they are chilling, heat a small lug of peanut oil in a small frying pan and fry the garlic, shallots and chilli for a few minutes or until the kitchen is fragrant. Add the sugar, soy sauce, tamarind and peanut butter, and stir to combine. Add the coconut milk and cook until thickened.
Remove the skewers and cook the chicken your preferred method brushing with satay sauce as you go, I went baked because they were too long for my griddle and I’m morally against BBQs. I mean, sure, the satay sauce went a bit crunchy … but it tasted delicious.
Plus, you serve it with any leftover sauce … before devouring.
As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.
I don’t know whether it is the fact we’re both accomplished musicians, fashionistas and/or Officers of the Order of the British Empire, but the relationship Sade and I share could only be described as no ordinary love.
Sads and I have been the best of friends since the ‘70s, after studying fashion design together at Saint Martin’s School of Art. We both used to sing to ourselves while designing and I suggested that she take up the sweetest taboo professionally.
And the rest, as they say, is history.
She gave me a buzz over the weekend to see if we could catch up, to which I obviously said yes. What do I make that says thanks for going to coast to coast, LA to Brisbane-o, for your fave western male?
Image source: David Montgomery/Getty Images.
As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.
I don’t know if Rita was hardened by some whips, chains and lite BDSM action on the set of the Fifty Shades franchise, or if she was just trying to put on a brave face for me – but damn that girl was, and always is, a bloody ray of absolute sunshine.
Full disclosure: I believe Tyra fired Rita because she was jealous of our friendship and wanted me back – how do you think her feud with Naomi Campbell started?
Rita and I have been as thick as thieves since we met a decade ago – I was a Cheers-esque regular at her dad’s pub, where she also performed. Having the eye for talent that I do, I immediately knew that I had to help her become the star that we know and love today.
While Rita laughed off the suggestion and said that she was ok with how everything washed out, I could tell (as only a dear, dear friend could) that there was sadness behind her eyes as she wondered if her greatest friendship, led to her ANTM demise. In any event, I apologised profusely for getting her involved with TyTy and we moved on to all the positives in her life.
I’m obvi referring to seeing Jamie Dornan naked on set and working with my boy Nick Carter on Boy Band, which I created as an apology.
Given talking about Jamie makes me moister than an oyster – between he and Locky on Australian Survivor, I am parched from liquid depletion – I decided to whip us up something hearty slash carby, which could also comfort her pain. That obviously meant I whipped up her fave, my Margherita Ora Pizza.
I truly hated margherita pizza as a child because it was so boring and then as an early-20-something because I felt like it was false advertising – where’s the tequila, bitch? – but as a wise man of 30, I finally appreciate this little beauty. Rich tomato sauce, delicate mozzarella and fresh basil? Yes pwease!
Enjoy!
Margherita Ora Pizza
Serves: 4.
Ingredients
2 bases as per Pizsa Zsa Gabor
passata and italian herbs, for the aforementioned bases
4 cloves of garlic, crushed
1 punnet cherry tomatoes, quartered
200g buffalo mozzarella
small handful of basil leaves
Method
Preheat oven to 180°C and prepare bases as per Zsa Zsa’s instructions.
Slather bases with the passata and misc Italian herbs. Sprinkle over the garlic. Scatter the tomatoes on top. And – fuck, I can’t think of an s word for tear … – tear the buffalo mozzarella on top.
Bake for fifteen minutes, or until the cheese is bubbling and golden. Remove from the oven, top with some torn basil leaves … and devour.
As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.
Yes guys, Rita Ora is dropping by later this week and is bringing the party.
Well at least I hope so.
I reached out to my gal-pal in March after hearing she was fired from ANTM by my frenemy Tyra, but she was too sad to fly over and catch-up.
What do I make that says chin-up, at least you’ve got Fifty Shades Freed coming up?
Actually, that will probably make her feel worse …
Image source: Darren Gerrish/WireImage for Tommy Hilfiger.
As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.
I can’t believe it has taken me this long to reconnect with my girls, Sara, Keren and Siobhan – aka Bananarama. Late last year I started receiving voicemails from all of the girls individually, asking to drop by and talk.
“Hey Ben, it’s Sar! Give me a call, I’d love to reconnect. Don’t make me Bobby D for you!”
“Ben – its Kez. I hear its been a Cruel Summer in Brisbane, call me back we need to talk.”
By the time Sio-b-han called to confess her guilt of love in the first degree, I knew what they were playing at and was equal parts excited and terrified. As you should already know, Siobhan returned to the group earlier this year and as the other founding member of Bananarama, I knew they’d be desperate to get me back.
I attended St. George’s School for Girls with Sez and Kez, and we became the fastest of friends. Sara and I then met Siobhan while studying fashion journalism and the band was quickly formed. Fun fact: I convinced them to name the band after my passion for penis … which ultimately led to me leaving the group.
Oh, I should clarify – I convinced them to name it Bananarama without explaining that it was also a festival I held in the West Village in the late 50s / early 60s.
The truth got me kicked out of the group in the early 80s for lying to them – they loved it, thus keeping it, but the betrayal cut deep – and we didn’t speak until 1987 when they wrote the hit song Love in the First Degree as an apology. While our friendship was renewed, I couldn’t rejoin the group as Maggie Thatch had banned me from the U.K.
While we’ve stayed in contact throughout the years, we haven’t seen each other in close to a decade. I guess there was always a part of me that knew that they’d want to reform but due to the nodules I shared with Julie Andrews, I wasn’t sure I could bring myself to sing again.
After holding each other for what felt like hours, we quickly caught up on life and laughed the night away. Sure the girls were disappointed that I couldn’t bring myself to rejoin the band – they don’t have to know I’m a bee’s dick away from convincing Celine Dion to start a duo – they were just thrilled to see me and share a delicious Bananarama Bread.
Like Apu and Mandula, I am a firm, firm believer that banana bread solves all of life’s problems. Throw in some walnuts and chocolate? Well I guess you’re in for a damn delightful treat.
Enjoy!
Bananarama Bread
Serves: 8.
Ingredients
4 very ripe bananas
1 tbsp vanilla extract
pinch salt
150ml vegetable oil
2 eggs
150g raw caster sugar
¼ cup fresh espresso, cooled
200g plain flour
½ tsp bicarb soda
½ cup chopped walnuts
½ roughly chopped milk chocolate
Method
Preheat the oven to 170°C and line a loaf tin.
Mash the bananas in the bowl of an electric mixer with the vanilla and salt. Using the paddle attachment, mix on low while adding the oil. Add the eggs one by one, still mixing, before adding the sugar and coffee.
Remove the bowl from the mixer and add the flour and bicarb and quickly stir with the paddle until the mixture binds. Return to the mixer and stir on medium for a minute. Remove again, fold through the walnuts and chocolate, and pour into the loaf tin.
Place in the oven and bake for 45 minutes to an hour, or until golden, risen and a cake tester comes out clean. Remove from the oven, allow to cool in the pan for fifteen minutes before transferring to a wire rack to cool completely … if you can wait.
If not, just devour.
As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.
While Robert De Niro is waiting for a slot on my dance card, my dear friends Bananarama have finally worn me down for a date.
I know that sounds like I don’t want to catch up with them … but sometimes I wonder, is there a friendship I couldn’t bare to take advantage of?
I then laugh heartily, realising there is nothing I wouldn’t try to monetise and get about menu planning.
What do I make that will make me their fire, at your (and their) desire?
Image source: Unknown.
As you can probably tell, we are very social but the fun isn’t only limited to celebrities! You can follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Tumblr.
Fame Hungry 
